04x06 - RV There Yet?

[bunniefuu]

You can do this, Milton. Push it!

(Straining)

That's... (Grunting)

Two!

(Exhales)

- Thanks for sharing, Tina.
- You're welcome.

Ah!

Are you done, playing?

I've been waiting to use
that bench for like an hour.

I don't know what's more depressing,
watching you lift weights

or watching Jerry read.

(Groaning)

That's...

(Sighs) Two.

Whoo!

- Thanks for sharing, Tina.
- You're welcome.

Hey, anyone want to guess how I made $

in minutes going "he-yup"?

He-nope!

bucks...
I'm listening.

I bid on one of those abandoned
storage units at an auction,

sold everything, and doubled my money.

But I held onto this classy treasure.

What's the big deal? It's just a donkey.

A jelly bean pooping donkey.

(Brays)

Jackpot!

That may be the most
beautiful thing I've ever seen.

Ahem!

What're you doing?

Clearing your stuff out of my locker.

Hair care products, zit cream, a picture
of Kim with a well-worn lip area.

Give me that!

Why don't you go find your own locker?

No way! This is the biggest one in
the dojo, and I was here first.

(Mockingly) Holy Christmas nuts!

Jack stole my locker. Gah!

Oh, you probably shouldn't have done that.

You know what? That is
it! I am so done with you!

- I'm done with you!
- Oh!

Rudy: All right! All right!

That is enough! Get up!

Look, you two have been at each
other's throats for weeks.

I know exactly what you two need.

- Me too. Time apart.
- Fine with me.

Actually, I was thinking of
something a little different.

Road trip!

(Beeps)

Yup, nothing brings friends together
like hours crammed inside the back

of an old rv.

- This is all your fault.
- My fault?

- How's it my fault?
- You tried to steal...

Forgot the parking brake.

- Mine! Mine!
- My locker first!

This is gonna be great! Great I tell you!

- (Rock music playing)
- ♪ Don't you get all tough with me ♪

♪ I'm saying won't you
come kick it with me? ♪

♪ and we could have a
ball, run up the wall ♪

- ♪ that's just how we do ♪
- ♪ Come on ♪

♪ and no matter how
much I chop and punch ♪

♪ it's not as cool as
kickin' it with you ♪

♪ here we go, let's start the party ♪

♪ chop it up like it's karate ♪

♪ everybody ♪

♪ won't you come kick it with me? ♪

♪ and we could have a
ball, run up the wall ♪

- ♪ hey ♪
- ♪ That's just how we do ♪

- ♪ come on ♪
- ♪ And no matter how much ♪

♪ I chop and punch ♪

♪ it's not as cool as
kickin' it with you. ♪

♪ Sing this song, doodah doodah ♪

♪ Camptown racetrack five Miles long ♪

♪ Oh, the doodah day. ♪ take it!

♪ Got to run all night ♪

- ♪ Got to run all day ♪
- Both: Rudy!

It has been eight hours.

I can't take anymore singing.

You know what you two need?

A little fresh country air.

(Wind rushes)

(Splattering)

Uh...

Oh, yeah, nothing like
that fresh country air.

(Window closes)

Just four more hours and we're gonna
be camping on the edge of the gorge.

Four hours? Rudy, I'm getting hungry.

And look, there's a waffle hut up ahead.

They only serve breakfast.

I don't do breakfast for dinner.

- Here we go!
- My digestive system plays by the rules, Jack,

unlike you and your renegade bowels!

Okay, Milton, you pick a spot.

What about the garden patch up in parrump?

I've heard really good things
about their pickled jicama.

Uh, I don't eat pickled jicama.

You know why? Because I'm a dude!

Oh, really? Tell that to your hair!

- What?! You're just jealous!
- Yeah, you look like a girl!

So help me, if you keep this up,
I will turn this rv around!

- Good!
- Do it!

Oh-ho-ho. Oh, yeah. You'd
like that, wouldn't you?

Well, I am not turning this rv around.

And we are going to have fun!

♪ Camptown ladies sing this song ♪

♪ Doodah doodah ♪

♪ Camptown racetrack five Miles long ♪

♪ All the doodah day. ♪ take it.

I said take it!

Both: ♪ got to run all night ♪

♪ Got to run all day ♪

♪ I'll bet my... ♪ (Mumbling)

♪ ...bet on the bay. ♪

All right, if we pool our money, we'll
have enough to make a winning bid

on storage locker .

Why do we want ?

(Whispering) Oh, unit was owned
by a sports memorabilia fanatic.

Now bidding on locker .

Let's start the bid at $ .

- Do I hear
? - He-yup!

, I got. Do I hear ?

, I got. Do I hear ?

Cripes, someone's bidding against me.

What? Oh, just hang tough, Joan.

- You'll get it.
- Mama's going to .

, I got. Do I have ?

, I got. Do I hear .

- He-yup! - That's
to you, sir.

- Who, sir?
- You, sir.

- Me, sir?
- Yes, sir.

- No, sir!
- Aah!

Going once, going twice, sold to the
woman wrestling the boy to the ground.

Would have been nice to have stopped

at the supermarket since
we didn't have lunch.

When you're out camping,
nature is your supermarket.

Does anyone want another
helping of gravel stew?

I'm good. Still trying to
digest my pinecone calzone.

Jack: Rudy, come on.

- Can we just go home?
- Let's go home.

I can't wait to be away from you.

- Oh, seriously?!
- Yeah, you drive me nuts!

- Nag! That's all you do!
- Enough!

I've had it with you two.

I am going to go into the rv

and get a good night's sleep.
You two can stay out here.

Tomorrow morning we are going home.

- You happy?
- Yeah, I kinda am.

It's kind of rocky out here.

It's called camping out, Jack.

Why don't you just man
up and rough it like me?

(Air hissing)

What is that?

It's the latest in camping
comfort, the "nature napper ."

It's made of a space-age polymer.

The salesman said it's % indestructible.

- (Pops)
- (Air hissing)

(Shrieks)

I guess the salesman
didn't have a sharp stick.

Gah!

Ow! What
are you... ow!

♪ Kickin' it with you! ♪

Okay, Joan, when this locker makes us rich,

let's never lose sight
of where we came from.

I hear that, brother. Don't worry.

I'll always just be Joan-y from the block.

Okay, here we go.

(Both squeal)

Nothing!

(Both squealing)

Nothing!

Oh, ah ah ah!

There's something in this one.

(Both squealing)

Aww, it's just another box.

What kind of sicko puts a box in a box?

Look, Jerry. This box says,
"property of the New York Yankees."

(Fanfare plays)

(Both gasp)

Is that what I think it is?

Yep.

And look whose name's on it.

Both: Babe Ruth!

Babe Ruth! Babe Ruth!

Babe Ruth!

- Babe... -
Who's babe Ruth?

Oh my!

This is % authentic.

You don't see this kind
of craftsmanship today.

It's so beautiful.

Hear that, Joan?

We're the proud owners
of babe Ruth's jockstrap.

It's not just any jock.
It's his lucky jock.

Lucky jock? Really?

He went from a chunky vacuum salesman

to a baseball legend the day he slipped on

that glorious guardian
of the nether regions.

Hmm, so how many hundies for the undies?

My jock museum will pay $ , for it.

I'll be back tomorrow with the money.

...

(Stutters) $ , ?

Jerry.

Don't worry.

I got you, Joan.

(Honking loudly)

You have got to stop doing that!

You kept me up all night.

You think I like this?

Do you know how many kids suffer in silence

from the heartbreak of honking rhinitosis?

There is nothing silent about it.

Well, maybe the great outdoors isn't
big enough for the two of us.

Come on, Rudy! Let's go home!

Yeah, Rudy, it's time to get out of here!

I can't believe I was ever
friends with someone like you.

You're nothing more than a troglodyte.

Both: Oh, no no no. Rudy!

Milton: No, Rudy!

- No no no.
- No no.

(Crashing)

Rudy: There must be some real
food around here somewhere.

Nothing. Nothing.

Skunk butt.

Nothing.

Skunk butt?

- (Chirps, sprays)
- (Screams)

(Coughs)

Rudy, don't move.

I got skunk in the mouth.

Rudy, you have a bigger
problem than skunk mouth.

Oh, nothing can be
worse than... aah!

It's worse. It's so much worse!

That guy from the jock museum was right
about the babe's jock being lucky.

When he forks over that $ , ,
it'll be our lucky day.

Lucky jock... (Laughs)

(Cellphone rings)

Hello? Jeanie.

Oh no, yeah, I'd love to come to
your party with all your sisters.

No, it wouldn't be weird at all
that I'm the only guy there.

The legend is true.

(Swing music playing)

(Beeps)

There you are, you little thief.

What kind of jerk jacks a jock?

Joan Joan Joan.

Look, the legend is true.
This thing is really lucky.

Oh, please, I'm putting it back
in its case where it belongs.

(Cellphone rings)

Hello. Oh, hi, Donnie.

Yeah, I'd love to have dinner at the
fire house with all the firemen.

No, it wouldn't be weird at
all that I'm the only girl!

(Swing music playing)

I called the park rangers, but they
can't get here for another half-hour.

Forget that. I'm going to slowly
walk to the back of the rv.

- (Creaking)
- Okay! Not walking!

Not walking!

It's too unstable, we can't wait.

I got an idea.

I'll run five Miles down to the interstate,

flag down an -Wheeler.
He'll back up here.

We hook it up to the rv.
We pull Rudy to safety.

That's my Jack, always
there when I need you.

By the time you get back,
Rudy'll be splattered

all over the bottom of the canyon.

Worst plan ever, Jack!

Never there when I need you!

With all that stuff you packed, why
didn't you bother to pack a rope

instead of the stupid "nature napper"?

Well, that's it. The nature napper!

What are we gonna do? Patch it, inflate
it, put it an the bottom of the canyon

so Rudy has something
nice and soft to land on?

Finally, a plan that'll work!

No, the nature napper is made
from really strong rubber.

We can cut it into strips
and make a rope out of it.

Is that the same rubber that Jack
popped when he poked it with his stick?

Fine, Rudy. What's your idea?

Oh, I don't know.

Maybe let's just take a minute.

We'll use our heads and
come up with a better plan.

We're going nature napper!

Both: All right, let's go!

- (Light switch clicks)
- (Screams)

Where have you been, Joan?

- Nowhere.
- Don't lie to me, sister.

We both know you've been out there

living la vida lucky
with a dead man's jock.

So what if I was?! It's half mine!

And it's half mine.

And I've decided I don't want to sell it.

Well, I don't want to sell it either.

That thing changed my life!

Oh, good. Well, then we'll keep it.

Now if you hand it over, I need
it for a science test tomorrow

that I plan to not study for.

But I entered myself in
a beauty pageant tomorrow

where I shall be named the most beautiful
teenage girl in all of seaford.

What? That kind of miracle would squeeze
every last drop of luck out of it.

Please! You said you were gonna
use it to pass a science test.

Give me that.

(Mocks) Oh, give me that.

Oh, I'm Jerry. I really want the jock.

- Don't... -
(Babbles)

- (Growls)
- (Screams)

(Cloth rips)

Excuse me.

Both: Hello.

I'm here with your money.

Uh, babe's jock, where is it?

Uh...

It was great doing business with you.

Thank you so much.

Oh, no no no no.

Deal's off!

(Sobs)

You've ruined it!

(Cries)

I can't believe it.

We don't have the money.
We don't have the jock.

We don't have anything.

Oh, no, you're wrong, Jerry.

We have something that they
can never take away from us.

Our friendship?

Forget that.

My jelly bean pooping donkey.

(Donkey brays)

- (Distorted braying)
- Uh, Joan,

that doesn't sound too good.

(Electrical zapping)

Oh, get down. That thing's gonna blow!

Hang on, Rudy. We're almost there.

All right, Jack, I'm lowering
you down nice and easy.

Just let me know when you're there.

I'm there.

Whoa!

All right, Rudy, give me your hand.

I can't reach, Jack.

Rudy, you're gonna have to jump.

I can't do it, Jack. I'm scared.

Rudy, it's Jack.

If there's anybody you
should trust, it's him.

Easy for you to say, Mr.
Not-hanging-over-a-gorge.

- (Rv creaks)
- Rudy, it's going! Jump!

Oh, great, there goes that deposit.

- (Creaking)
- What was that?

The branch...
It's breaking!

(Screams)

Oh! No!

Rudy!

Jack!

Why?

My best friend and
incompetent sensei are gone.

No, we're not gone. We're here.

I know, but you're angels now.

Oh, Jack. Why, Jack?

You were so brave, loyal and trustworthy,

like a golden retriever with better hair.

Milton.

Jack!

You're alive!

Hello, I'm here too.

Oh, Rudy!

Look, Jack's alive!

Hey...
Oh.

How'd you make it?

Well, we made it when the rope slammed
us into the side of the canyon

and we grabbed some roots
and climbed our way out.

Those are some pretty nice things
you said about me, Milton.

Well, when I thought I had lost you,
I felt like I had a hole in my heart

the size of this canyon.

How'd you feel when
you thought you lost me?

I was very torn up.

Jack, you're like a brother to me.

And just because brothers fight

doesn't mean they don't
care about each other.

I told you two this road trip
would bring you together.

There's just one thing I feel bad about.

My little skunk friend didn't make it.

Hopefully he's in a better place

and his soul will live
forever in this canyon.

Guys? Guys, why are you running?

- (Skunk chirps)
- Oh. Oh, no!

I'm glad we decided to stay the night.

I can't believe you caught
all this delicious salmon.

Didn't catch it. No no no.

I went down to the stream, and
the friendliest grizzly bear

was just slapping fish up onto the shore.

Yeah, I just grabbed a
couple, said thank you,

and he growled this big,
hearty, "you're welcome."

(Bear growling)

Yeah, it sounded just like that.

Is that the bear?

(Growling)

(Whispering) We should
probably get out of here.

- (Growling, huffing)
- Jack? Milton?

(Bear growling)

You should know that I
am a black belt in karate.