01x05 - A Little Piece of Home

[bunniefuu]

As you know...

...recent cutbacks forced the city
to close many of its own museums.

Which is why the Lex Luthor
Museum of Natural History...

...is such a boon
to the city's populace.

And a boost to Lex's popularity.

In anticipation of tomorrow's
grand opening...

...I felt that you, the elite
of the Metropolis press...

...might enjoy a sneak preview of the city's
newest state-of-the-art exhibition hall.

The priceless artifacts
are displayed in open cases...

...protected by electronic surveillance...

...and an impregnable
automated security system.

- Did you hear that?
- Just typical Luthor blarney.

And now I will be happy
to answer any questions...

...regarding the museum
and its displays.

How do you respond to charges...

...that the museum is really just
a large tax shelter for LexCorp?

Let's see him get out of... Kent?

I wouldn't.

You never listen.

What do you think
we'll get for it, Nito?

I'd say five to ...

...with time off for good behavior.

I hope you're planning
on cleaning up this mess.

You know, we can keep this up
all day, or you...

You know, you don't
look so hot.

Maybe we should help him.

Sure, we'll send him some chicken soup.

Come on!

Now, if you'll all just follow me.

Lex Luthor.

Ladies and gentlemen...

...I give you the
Lex Luthor Museum of...

Thieves.

Two.

Stole the jewels.

I tried...

Get a security crew down here now.

I thought...

...I could stop them.

Next time you see
one of my museums being robbed...

...call someone who can do something
about it, like the police.

What happened?

I don't know.

I'm... I'm sorry.

Nito and Sam Corali.

See that they're dealt with.

Check.

Wait. Go back.

Interesting. As soon as he
gets near the rocks...

...in that display case,
he gets all wobbly and weak.

So weak that he let
a couple of small-timers get away.

And every one of those rocks
belongs to me.

And here we have
some fine examples...

...of the crockery and dinnerware
of the ancient Babylonians.

Their practice of fabricating utensils
out of soft metal alloys...

...proved to be their undoing
as the entire civilization was destroyed...

...by systemic metallic poisoning.

Nothing's happening.

You were expecting them
to dance for you?

I like the stuff they had
in there before.

- Before?
- Yesterday.

They came in this morning
and changed the whole display around.

The other meteor samples were
ordinary carbon-based elements.

But this, its composition materials...

...are not even on the periodic table.

We believe it originated
in an alien solar system...

...with properties totally
divergent from our own.

We'll need to test it out
on Superman himself.

See that it's in my office
within the hour.

I don't think you realize
what you have here.

On the contrary, I know exactly
what I have here.

The very tool I need to completely control
and humiliate Superman.

But surely the rock would be
more valuable to mankind.

You work for me, Peterson.
Don't forget that.

There shouldn't be an opinion
in your head that I haven't put there.

Yes, Mr. Luthor.

Two points.

- Two...
- Does Perry know you're playing...

...basketball on his time?
- It helps me think.

Why didn't he nab those
two museum thieves?

- It doesn't make sense.
- Who?

Who? Superman.

Free throw. Three-point play.

By the way, where'd you
run off to yesterday?

- Yeah?
- Ms. Lane?

It's Professor Peterson.

So, what have you got for me
this time, professor?

Something extraordinary, Ms. Lane.

Quite literally extraordinary.

Impressive, huh?
I like to stay in shape.

- Want to feel?
- Feel what?

I don't think she's interested.

Sure she is. Aren't you, baby?

Don't call me "baby."

Yeah, well...

...like I told you people over the phone,
I don't do Metropolis.

Not since the blue guy showed up.

This job needs someone
with your technical expertise.

I pull this heist of yours,
it's a sure bet I'll get caught.

You don't understand.

That's exactly what I want.

Be with you in a second, sir.

- Good catch. What'll it be?
- I'd like the turkey loaf, baked potato...

...no butter, no soup, salad,
dressing on the side. Give it all legs.

Sorry, Kent. I'm in a hurry.

Say, you don't look so hot.

I'm fine.

What's the rush?

Take a look at this.

- Careful!
- I'm sorry.

Just clumsy, I guess.

What is it?

LexLabs got ahold of some meteor...

...that seems to be able
to drain Superman's powers.

This is just a small sliver.

- You sure you're not catching something?
- I'm okay.

Really.

I'm taking this piece over to S.T.A.R. Labs
to let them have a look at it.

I'll let you know what they say.

The gentleman would like a large orange
juice, chicken soup and tea with lemon.

You gotta take care
of yourself, Smallville.

Yeah, you really
don't look so good.

Transfer of the treasury plates to the
Metropolis district office is official.

The plates are yours,
Commissioner Jones.

I'll take those plates now,
Commissioner Jones.

Now, I'd like you all to drop your weapons
and kick them over here.

You don't wanna make trouble
for me, commissioner.

You'll never get away with this.

By now, they've shut down
all the exits and entrances...

...the stairs, the elevators.
There's no way down off this roof.

How about up?

He's coming. Let's do it.

He's past checkpoint one...

...heading due north.

Checkpoint number two.

Checkpoint three.

- He's coming.
- Good.

Now just remember
what I told you.

I guess I've flown myself
into a corner.

Okay, you win.

I give up.

That's right. Make him come to you.

Here.

What's the matter?

Don't you want it? Here.

I'm sorry. Here. Let me help you up.

Hey, I guess all that time
in the gym is paying off.

Jab. Jab.

Cross. Uppercut.

What are you doing?
Get him back to the center of that room.

Maybe I'd rather just
finish him off right here.

Mercy, get the rock, fast.

Supe, you don't look so good.

That's right. Put S.T.A.R. Labs
on -hour surveillance.

I want to know everyone
who goes in or out.

My spies tell me that Hamilton
has a piece of my rock.

I'd like to know who gave it to him.

I'm on it.

If you'll excuse us.

Actually, I'm glad you came.

I have a deal to offer you.

I'm listening.

As long as I have the rock...

...you can't stop me.

But it is bothersome
to have you always trying...

...so the deal is this:

You leave me
and my operations alone...

...and I and my little green rock
will leave you alone.

I don't make deals with criminals.

I control everything
in this town, Superman.

Your cooperation is not really necessary.

The offer was merely a courtesy.

You will never control me, Luthor.

Never.

Well, then...

...I guess I'll have to k*ll you.

Yes.

Interesting.

My contact at LexLabs thinks
it isn't even from this solar system.

Incredible.

What?

That certainly would be
in keeping with my theory.

Which is what, exactly, professor?

The fact that your body
absorbs the radiation so readily...

...leads me to believe you share
with it a point of origin.

You mean it came from Krypton?

More than likely it is Krypton,
or, rather, a small piece of it.

Kryptonite, if you will.

The radiation could have
been created by the energy released...

...in the expl*si*n
which destroyed your planet.

There is one bit
of potentially helpful data.

Its radiation can be shielded
by element atomic number .

- Lead.
- Of course.

- Yeah?
- Ms. Lane, it's Peterson.

Listen closely.

LexLabs is developing
a synthetic version of the green rock.

It's imperative I get this information
to Superman immediately.

Yes, of course.
Where should we meet?

The museum.
Come in through the alley entrance.

But the security system.

I designed the security system,
Ms. Lane.

I know how to bypass it.

The door will be open between :
and : . Make sure you're not followed.

Very convincing.

You're certain he's there?

Our men saw him go in minutes
after the Lane woman.

Excellent. Superman will now insist
on accompanying her to the museum.

Professor...

...Mercy will see you safely home now.
Won't you, my dear?

Please. No. I mean,
I can see myself home. Really.

But I insist.

Metropolis can be such
a dangerous city, Peterson.

I'd hate to wake up tomorrow
and find out...

...that something terrible
had happened to you.

He said the back alley between...

Right on time.

Wait.

Let me check it out.

I don't see anyone. Lois?

Professor?

Professor Peterson?

Kryptonite.

Lois! Get the Kryptonite out of here.

Two annoyances with one stone.

If only we had some lead.

Entire civilization was destroyed
by systemic metallic poisoning.

The cups...

...they're made of lead.

Lane squares off.

She aims. She sh**t.

Two points.

No!

Thank you, Superman.

No, Lois. Thank you.

- You saved my life.
- I suppose I did.

I owe you one.

I'd say an exclusive interview
would just about even us up.

All right.

Under one condition:

You don't print anything
about the Kryptonite.

No, green. It has to be green.