04x12 - Bow Knows

[bunniefuu]

DRE: Back in the day, when we
wanted to share information,

it looked something like this.

Then we figured out a way
to share information faster.

Over time,
our desire to share information

led to increasingly complex technology

that could share news faster and faster.

- [HORN HONKS]
- The people who created this technology

envisioned a future

where we could
share information instantly.

[TELEPHONE RINGS, MODEM BUZZES]

They dreamed
that we would make connections

that would lead us
to a greater understanding.

Funny thing is
the more connected we are,

the less we want to hear
what anyone else has to say.

Guys, dinner's ready.

[VIDEO GAME SOUNDS PLAYING,
CELLPHONE CHIMES]

Dinner!

[CELLPHONE ALERT PLAYS]

[SIGHS]

[KEYBOARD CLICKING]

[CELLPHONE ALERT PLAYS]

[CELLPHONES CHIME]

- Oh.
- Hmm.

- Dinner's ready.
- Why didn't you just tell us?

♪

Great news, team!

They couldn't prove

that the stuff on my bumper was blood.

So we will not have to move the office

to international waters.

- Ah!
- Hey, nice!

[APPLAUSE]

Also, we'll be working
with Procter & Gamble

on their campaign about "The Talk."

It's part of their "My Black
Is Beautiful" initiative.

I don't know if that's appropriate.

I mean, what if they did the
same people for white people?

Then it would just be called a campaign.

[SCOFFS] He's so not woke. [CHUCKLES]

- What is "The Talk"?
- Uh, okay, it's, um...

No, no, I got this. I got this.

Um, "The Talk" focuses
on the conversations

black parents have had
with their children

through the decades to
prepare them for the racial bias

that they may face in the world.

Wow. I didn't know that.

Well, it goes without saying, Dre,

that you will take the lead on this one,

especially since Charlie
is away at Freaknik.

He's at a funeral.

[SCOFFS] Okay, Dre.

You know what, I would love
to take lead on this.

"The Talk" is very important.

Well, if it's so important, uh,

you would think
we would all have heard of it.

Tell me this.

How many black friends do you have?

Well, I thought two, but then
Charlie didn't invite me

to his grandma's memorial, so...

Mm! He invited me,

but I-I thought "Big Mama's
funeral" was a movie, so...

No, that's... that's "Big Mama's House."

- I don't...
- Wait a second.

Is this "Talk" really such a big deal

that they have to build
a whole campaign around it?

Yes, it's a big deal

because "The Talk" goes on
in every black household.

It prepares our kids for
what they're gonna go up against

when they go out into an unfair world.

Now, my mom would have
"The Talk" with me all the time.

America hates you.

Pick me up a pack of menthols.

And remember, America hates you.

I know, mama.

Please don't marry her!

America already hates you!

Wow!

This "talk" sounds awful for you, Dre.

Okay, look, guys,
we all live in the same world.

And it makes my kids' lives easier

if you're telling your kids
the same stuff, too.

- [CHUCKLES]
- Hmm.

Okay, Dre. [CHUCKLES]

Now, it is due Friday.

Can you take it into your office?

It's just... It's awkward when
you're working and we're not.

Yeah, that would be...
You know, really...

♪

- Hey!
- Hey, babe.

- Guess what.
- What?

I just finished making

my first batch of homemade baby food.

Want to try?

- Nope.
- What?

What's wrong with
the stuff from the store?

Oh, well, I went online
to find classes for Devante,

and I stumbled

into this amazing new world...

the online mom world.

None of this existed
with the other kids.

I just had to, I don't know,

get advice elsewhere.

- You want my advice?
- [BABIES CRYING]

- Okay, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.
- You shouldn't be a mother.

Dre, it's a totally different game.

I mean, this group connects
women all across the world

so that we can find support.

- Isn't that cool?
- Hmm?

It's so cool!

Oh, I'm sorry, babe. I wasn't listening.

You know, we're working on this campaign

about "The Talk" at work...

- Mm-hmm.
- ...and no one gets it.

They don't see
the importance of something

that doesn't directly affect them.

You mean like what just
literally happened right here?

Bow, I spent my whole life
understanding "white stuff."

- Mm-hmm.
- Do you think I want to know

the names of the members of Phish?

Hmm?

You think I like
pretending to care about

what happened with Ross and Rachel?

They were taking a break.

You know, it would be nice if,
for five minutes,

they would understand our stuff.

I just want it to matter to them.

Dre, I know it kills you,
but try to listen to them

and maybe you can lead them
to common ground.

Huh?

Yeah, babe, I'm sorry. I didn't...

- I didn't hear anything you said.
- Yeah.

But maybe I can lead them
to common ground

if I try and listen.

Hmm!

I think that's what I'm gonna do.

Okay.

So, Devante...

should mommy go online
and find a new man?

What do you think?

[GASPS] Let's download Tinder!

Hey!

There's grandma's gorgeous grandbaby!

[WHISPERING] America hates you.

[NORMAL VOICE] What the hell's
going on over here?

Just...

"DH and I are taking LO to the Ped.

- Worried he'll ask about CIO."
- Okay.

"KWIM?"

This some kind of drug thing?

- What?
- You dealing dr*gs?

This is my corner.

I am not dealing dr*gs, Ruby.

This is my mom group,
and these are mom acronyms.

"Dear husband and I

are taking little one
to the pediatrician.

Worried he'll ask about

cry-it-out sleep-training method.

KWIM? Know what I mean?"

Oh!

- Now I see!
- Yeah.

That's so stupid.

No, it is not stupid, Ruby.

This is a very supportive
group of women,

and I get amazing
parenting information here.

I had no idea

that they had changed the recommendation

for when you can
introduce peanuts to your baby.

Peanut allergies.

That's just a conspiracy

to bring down George Washington Carver.

[SIGHS] Come on, Ruby.

The man made a phone out of peanuts.

Did it work?

What have you invented?

[CELLPHONE CHIMES]

- Whoa!
- What is happening?

Uh, don't look at my cookies.

I have been doing a lot
of reading in my moms group,

and everyone agrees
that we should eliminate

screen time for kids.

- But how will I troll?
- I'm sorry, sweetheart,

but you shouldn't be doing that anyway.

And all the moms are saying

that too much screen time
makes kids dumb.

And I am way too smart
to have dumb kids.

So, what are we supposed to do?

Talk? Like animals?

I don't know, guys! Go to the library!

Do some crafts!

I bet you there's some puzzles

in the back of the game closet.

Can we just go to bed now?

So, it seemed if I wanted people

to understand my struggle,

I would have to try
and understand theirs.

- Hey, Lucy.
- Hey.

Do anything fun last night?

Oh, just the ushe.

Drank a half bottle of Pino Grig,

re-watched an old episode of "Friends."

[CHUCKLES] Oh, God.

Ross and Rachel, am I right?

Uh, yeah, well, they were on a break.

- Uh, debatable.
- Okay.

By the way, I don't want you
to think I'm a total boozy lump.

I also went for a jog after work.

Cool. Cool. I love jogging.

I just can't do it
as much as I'd like to.

Oh, 'cause you run out
of breath so fast?

No.

'Cause you see your sneakers
as purely decorative?

No.

Because, uh, me running at night,

uh, would scare some people.

Oh. Yeah.

- I never really thought about that.
- Mm-hmm.

It's actually kind of hard

for me to jog at night, too.

Really?

- Yeah.
- Tell me about it.

Oh. Okay.

I-I just hear my mom's voice
in my head telling me, like,

"Don't wear headphones,
or men will sneak up on you,"

or, "Don't wear a ponytail,
or men will grab you.

Don't get a high-powered job,
or men won't marry you." [SNORTS]

Huh!

Sounds like you and your mom
had a good "The Talk."

What?

- Why did you say it like that?
- Say it like what?

You had a good... "The Talk."

- Oh.
- More coffee?

Yes. Please.

One down.

How much cheese can you eat?

[LAUGHTER]

The rest of America to go.

DIANE: This is child abuse.

There's got to be like
a million pieces in this thing.

Yes. A million pieces in
this , -piece puzzle.

- [SIGHS]
- Now, let's start with the edges.

No!

We have to separate
all the pieces into piles,

- like sky with sky, animals with animals.
- [SIGHS]

No! Everyone knows that
you start with the faces

and work outwards.

The faces are what you do last.

The edges are the foundation on
which solid puzzles are built!

Oh, I didn't realize

Professor Puzzle was here to school us.

Mm.

Making Lucy realize she had
her own version of "The Talk"

made me feel like I had a superpower.

I couldn't wait to use it
to open someone else's eyes.

Hey, Josh.

- Oh. Okay. I'll move my car.
- No, no, no.

Hey, man, I just...
I just came in to say hi.

Wow.

No one's ever done that before.

Huh.

Which is why I do not
have another chair.

Here. Take mine.

Well, you know, I was, uh...

- ...I was thinking, you know...
- [BINDER CLATTERS]

...I'm always talking about
my childhood, and...

I've never asked you about yours.

Oh, um, moved around a lot
when I was a kid

because of my dad's job.

And starting over and over again
was stressful, so...

I ate for comfort.

Hey. I get that.

- Yeah.
- [CHUCKLES]

It was, uh... It was hard to be

the chubby new kid in school, you know?

I mean, people always assumed
that I was clumsy

or bad at sports just because I was fat.

- Yeah.
- I mean, I was clumsy and bad at sports,

but the assumption hurt.

You know, when I was little,

there were some other kids
and an entire country

that judged me based on my appearance.

- They did?
- Yeah.

You know, my dad...

He... He always made me feel better.

He told me I had no control over
what those kids were gonna say,

but I did not have to live down
to their stereotypes.

I could just be myself
and eat chocolate chips

out of my pillowcase
for pleasure and not shame.

You know, it sounds like that...

"The Talk" you had with your dad
really helped you out.

Nice.

Yeah.

S-Shall we continue this over dinner?

Nope.

♪

Why do I always go to food?

So I guess I'll probably be
a scientist at NASA,

now that I know
that being a teacher at Hogwarts

isn't really an option.

I mean, unless someone dies or retires.

So how about you, Jack?

What do you want to do when you grow up?

That depends.

Do you think we'll have the technology

to turn people into cartoons?

Whatever I do,

I have to make enough
to take care of this guy.

Have you guys seen my laptop?

All we've seen
are these adorable puppies.

Oh! Ha-ha!

I guess my mommy group was right

about taking away those cellphones.

You guys are making
a lot of progress here.

Progress comes
from not being distracted.

Keep it moving, Rainbow.

Okay, young lady.

Hey.

Uh...

What are you doing on my computer?

I take back what I said
about this mommy group.

[LAUGHING] It's wonderful!

- What?
- These women hate you.

What?!

Yeah, apparently, they're really mad

about something you said about vaccines.

Ah, no!

This must be some mistake.

I mean, all I did was post about

how well Devante's vaccinations
went this morning.

I mean, there wa...
What is there to be mad at?

Oh, people can be mad about anything.

It's the Internet.

Right now on Instagram,

there's a grilled-cheese
sandwich getting death threats.

[LAUGHS]

I'm telling you, it's crazy. [CHUCKLES]

Them women don't like you.

[LAUGHS]

"I didn't mean to offend anyone.

I am thankful vaccines have eradicated

so many deadly childhood diseases."

[ALERT DINGS]

LISA: Oh, look!

We've got a shill for Big Pharma here.

- Shill?
- [ALERT DINGS]

AMANDA: In Jersey,
we like to vaccinate our kids

the natural way...
by swimming in a polluted lake.

ELIZABETH: Do you know
what's in vaccines?

Uh, well...[CHUCKLES]

"I am a doctor, so..."

RAINBOW: "All of us are trying

to do what's right for our kids,

but we can't let emotions
make our medical decisions.

- Frustrated emoji."
- [ALERT DINGS]

AMANDA: No, we should let
a stay-at home "doctor"

make our decisions for us.

Crying-laughing emoji.

Really?

"Vaccines work! They work so well

that idiots haven't seen
the ravages of polio firsthand,

so they start spreading lies!

Snorting emoji."

- [GRUNTS]
- Ha, ha, ha.

How much are they paying you
to poison our kids, Dr. Death?

Needle emoji.

Bitch, I will drive
to New Jersey to fight you,

and your ugly kids can watch!

- What...
- [GROWLS]

- Mom!
- Hi.

DRE: So, I had gotten Lucy and
Josh to understand "The Talk."

It was time to reel in the big fish.

Mmm.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Oh, no, thank you.

No, no, I'm trying
to cut back on takeout.

My doctor said I should start
taking much better

care of myself
now that I'm getting older.

- [CHUCKLES]
- What about you?

Have things changed for you
as you've aged?

Nope.

I have the constitution of a horse,

and a car interior made of its skin.

- Ah.
- Yeah.

I see.

Oh. Bad eyes, huh?

- Yeah.
- You know, growing up,

people were so mean
to kids with glasses.

I mean, they would call them names

and smash their lenses.

Inner-city schools sound brutal.

No, no one ever made fun of my glasses.

Oh. Not even a little bit?

No one ever called you
"Little Connie Four Eyes"

or made you feel like an outsider?

I was homecoming king.

Didn't you go to an all-boys school?

We had two kings.

It was not sexual.

Oh. Okay.

Dre, why are you even here?

Shouldn't you be in your office
working on your campaign?

I'm almost done.

It turned out that rich white men

don't need to have "The Talk."

Makes sense, since most of
the talks are about them.

Looked like I was right back
where I started.

Two chairs for two friends!

Ah.

Or maybe a little worse.

Really?!

Well, you know what,

you block me, and I will block you!

- Blocked! Oh, yes!
- [COMPUTER CHIMES]

Blocked! And blocked!

Blocked, blocked...

You still arguing
with your little online friends?

Well, it's more like
the... the whole Internet now.

You know, I'm gonna tell you
the same thing I told Dre

when he proposed to you.

You need to walk away.

I can't walk away.

Not until I convince them
that they are stupid.

It's time to give up.

Look at this. They're calling you crazy.

You can't come back from crazy.

Or so I hear.

They are doing things that are
gonna hurt their children.

Well, they don't see it
that way, Rainbow.

They think they're doing
the right thing.

But I'm right!

Doesn't that count for something?!

- [WHINING] I'm right!
- Not online.

Now, you can find people

to agree or disagree
with whatever you say.

It's like this...

Okay, what's the greatest song
ever made?

"a*t*matic" by The Pointer Sisters.

Now, I can find websites
that agree with me,

but there are more
that say it's "Eleanor Rigby."

[CHUCKLES] Which is nonsense.

But people still believe it.

You see what I'm saying?

You really think "a*t*matic"
is the best song ever made?

Well, it has everything.

You've got Ruth Pointer's amazing alto,

that funky guitar line,
those synthesizers.

Look, I'm not gonna argue this with you.

You go to bed, Rainbow.

It's : a.m., and you look haggard

even when you do get
a full night's sleep.

What are you doing up at : a.m.?

Well, it's none of your business

if I'm helping
my gentleman caller replenish.

♪

Hey!

I was ready to admit defeat.

I had wasted my time talking
to people about their feelings.

And even worse, because of all this,

I was friends with Josh.

Well, thank you
for finally showing up, Dre.

We cracked "The Talk" campaign,
no thanks to you.

- What?
- Yeah.

Actually, it turns out
that it's pretty simple.

Sometimes parents need to have

difficult talks with their kids

about the fact that life isn't fair.

- But that's exactly what I...
- Please, just... just once, just listen.

That's actually the heart of
this campaign, Dre... listening.

- Mm.
- STEVENS: You see? Connie gets it.

And we've been discussing it.

And as it turns out,

all of us have had to have
difficult talks of our own.

Josh is doughy, and Lucy has boobs.

I also have a thriving
candle business, so...

And I, myself, have had
many talks with Connie

about the fact that people
will treat him differently

if they find out he's wealthy.

Money. That was the way in.

My dad's talks are the reason

that I bring the Mercedes
into work instead of the Lambo.

It sort of makes me seem like
more of an average Joe.

Oh, am I pronouncing that right? "Joe"?

- "Yoe"?
- STEVENS: No idea.

You nailed it.

STEVENS: Actually, I-I got to say, Dre,

I-I'm shocked that you don't get that,

especially as a black man.

I mean, black parents
have had to have that talk

with their kids

about the uncomfortable reality
of American racial bias.

Yeah.

I can't believe
I didn't get that, either.

Well, anyway, I took the liberty
of calling P&G

and letting them know

that we have busted
this campaign wide open.

And they're so grateful,

they're flying me to the Super Bowl!

- Wow!
- That should be fun!

[CHUCKLES] Hey, hey, we can watch
the Super Bowl at my house.

And don't worry. I talk during the game,

but I am totally quiet
during the commercials.

Ooh! So fun!

Really nice edge work.

Thanks.

What should we tackle next?

I'm thinking something that's all ocean.

Or one giant eyeball.

- Ooh!
- DIANE: Yeah? Yeah?

Or maybe someone bought
a , piecer of Middle Earth!

- I don't know.
- [ALL CHUCKLE]

Here you go. Here you go.

And here you go.

I don't know why I listened

to those stupid moms on the Internet.

I am an amazing mother without them.

So go ahead, my sweet children,

and rot your brains.

♪

[KEYBOARD CLICKING]

[CELLPHONE DINGING]

Wow.

People really hate this grilled cheese.

I was on a high.

Maybe it was possible

to communicate with each other
in the modern world.

- I got good news.
- Ooh! Tell me, tell me, tell me.

My co-workers

actually understand "The Talk"
a little bit.

- No. Wow!
- And you were right.

- Hmm.
- When you listen to people,

they end up listening to you, too.

[SCOFFS] That's a load of crap.

What?

Maybe that works face to face,

but it does not work on the Internet.

There's so much bad information.

There used to be people
we all could trust for answers.

Now anyone can be an expert.

Isn't that a good thing

because the people who didn't
have a voice before...

now they have a voice.

I have a pretty popular
taco review blog.

It's not that popular, Dre.

- It...
- It's not.

I don't think I'm gonna
change anyone's mind online...

especially 'cause I called them
all murderers.

You what?

That is why...

I am going to write a book.

A book.

So that's your solution.

- Yes, it is.
- Okay.

I'm a doctor.

I am a mother of five children.

Who better than me to offer sound advice

and calm people down?

- Hmm.
- I think it's perfect.

Yeah, mm, you do love
telling people what to do.

Yeah. I do.

I like that a lot.

- Do I have to help?
- No.

Then I'm all-in.

- [SCOFFS]
- [THE POINTER SISTERS' "a*t*matic" PLAYS]

Hey.

Is somebody bumping The Pointer Sisters?

- Sounds like it.
- ♪ No way to control it ♪

- That is the best song of all time.
- ♪ It's totally a*t*matic ♪

♪ Whenever you're around ♪

Okay, really, Dre?

- Oh, my goodness.
- ♪ I'm walking blindfolded ♪

Ooh! Look at that!

, -piecer. Mm-hmm.

Oh. Um, hey!

My operating system is updating,

so, you know, thought I would
just k*ll some time.

Oh, uh, yeah, totally. Totally.

Our teacher said
we could get extra credit

by doing a puzzle, so...

- That sounds real.
- Very real.

Puzzles are dumb. I-I don't miss them.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Like, totally.

I mean, might as well
break into this bad boy

till something better
comes along, am I right?

- Uh, sure.
- I mean, I-I guess so.

- Yeah.
- Okay.

♪

Ohh!

Whoa! So many pieces.

- Let's do it.
- All right.