02x18 - Glee Club

[bunniefuu]

(bell rings)

♪ When I wake up in the morning
and the alarm gives out a warning ♪

♪ I don't think I'll ever
make it on time ♪

♪ By the time I grab my books
and I give myself a look ♪

♪ I'm at the corner just in time
to see the bus fly by ♪

♪ It's all right ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm saved by the bell ♪

♪ If the teacher pops a test
I know I'm in a mess ♪

♪ And my dog ate
all my homework last night ♪

♪ Ridin' low in my chair,
she won't know that I'm there ♪

♪ If I can hand it in tomorrow
it will be all right ♪

♪ It's all right ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm saved by the bell... ♪

♪ It's all right,
'cause I'm saved by the-- ♪

♪ It's all right, 'cause I'm saved
by the-- ♪

♪ It's all right,
'cause I'm saved by the bell ♪

Love is in the air,
and you'll never guess

who's the hottest couple
at Bayside.

Nope.
It's not me and Kelly.

I mean we're hot
but these two are sizzling.

Jessie and Slater? Nah, they're a couple
of ice cubes compared to...

(Violet snorts, laughs)

Oh, Samuel, you're such a funny hunk.
(giggles)

Quit it, I'm not that funny.

Here they are,
Bayside's own love connection.

Violet and Screech.

Look at Screech.

I haven't seen him this happy
since Mr. Ed was colorized.

Oh, look at Violet,
she's got stars in her eyes.

And rocks in her head.

My cat won't even go near Screech
when he has a fish in his pocket.

Lisa, leave him alone --
I think they make a cute couple.

I had a swell time
at the movies Saturday, Sammy.

Oh, me too. It was nice
of your father to drive us,

but when he takes you places,
does he always wear that uniform?

That wasn't Daddy,
that was Edward our chauffeur.

Hey, we're bowling after school,
you want to come?

Thanks, Zack, but I have Glee Club
rehearsal. You guys should join!

- (Slater groans)
- Well, uh, I'd love to Violet, really --

but you see I have a conflict
with detention.

I had pizza delivered
to geometry.

The Glee Club is not really
my style, Violet.

I like more active things --
football, wrestling... Jessie.

Besides, the Glee Club
is for geeks.

Well, my parents insist I have
an extracurricular activity.

So the Glee Club is perfect for me --
I can hide in the group.

I'd love to join the Glee Club
and hide with you, Violet.

(snorts, laughs)
Oh.

Samuel, maybe our Glee Club
will win the All-City Sing --

we can both go
to the finals in Hawaii.

Hawaii?

Now that's something
to sing about.

I can't believe
you talked me into this, Preppie.

I've missed two days of wrestling

to sing four-part harmony
with three geeks.

Hey, you're off
our Christmas list, jock-boy.

Okay, my gleeful glee clubbers,
places.

- Slater: Right.
- Hey, what's up?

Now, let's be bouncy
with our b*at.

(sneezes)

Off-key, Lisa.
And wait till I start.

Can I move, please?
I don't want to catch her cold.

Let's focus, fellas and females.

- Hello, everyone.
- All: Hey, Mr. Belding.

- Hi, Tuttle.
- What are you doing on my turf?

The All-City Sing
is one week away,

and I would like see what
kind of progress you're making.

If needed to be nagged,
I'd call your wife.

Okay, Tuttle.
Let's just see what you've got.

Okay, everyone,
"The Civil w*r Medley."

Ready?

One, two, three, four.

♪ When Johnny comes marching
home again, hoorah, hoorah... ♪

(out of tune) ♪ When Johnny
comes marching home again... ♪

♪ Oh I wish I was
in the land of cotton ♪

♪ Old times there
were not forgotten ♪

♪ Look away, look away,
look away, Dixieland ♪

(yells)
No, no, altos then sopranos!

(overlapping noise)

(yells)
Enough, enough!

Stop!

♪ ...Marching home again,
hoorah, hoorah-- ♪

- We've come a long way.
- Tuttle.

The All-City Sing is right here
at Bayside this year.

A performance like that could
embarrass the entire school,

not to mention the kids.

I'm giving you hours
to shape up...

or I'll be forced to withdraw
this team from the competition.

Come on, Screech,
we've got to think

of a plan to make
the Glee Club sound better.

Why don't we cut out
the singing part?

- (phone rings)
- I got it. I got it.

Hello.

Oh yeah, Violet,
he's right here.

Hello, my heart.

Uh-huh.

Okay, hold on.

Violet got tickets
to a concert at Cal State tonight,

she wants to know if we can go.

Screech, please.
We've got to think tonight.

Violet, please.
We've got to think tonight.

Oh! I mean,
I'm so sorry, my heart.

But we can't do it.
See you tomorrow.

(kisses)

Zack, maybe we should go.

We could pick up some pointers
from some real singers.

What do you mean, my heart?

Now you got me saying it.

It's not everyday you get to see
the California Glee Club.

You're right. Call her back,
tell her we're going.

- I'm bringing something with us.
- We're bringing your underwear?

No, you nitwit.
I'm bringing my tape recorder.

Good thing. You don't have enough
underwear for the entire Glee Club.

All right, everybody.
Just do what we practiced.

The progress we've made might not
be clear to the amateur ear.

Enough excuses, Tuttle.
Your time is up.

Let's just hear what you've got.

Okay, everyone. Remember:
posture, pitch and pray.

(lip syncing)
♪ Oh when the saints go marching in ♪

♪ Oh when the saints
go marching in ♪

(Perfect harmony)
♪ Go marching in ♪

♪ Oh Lord, I want to be
in that number ♪

♪ When the saints
go marching in ♪

♪ Oh Lord, I want to be
in that number ♪

♪ When the saints ♪

♪ Go ♪

♪ Marching in ♪

♪ I want to see
the saints march in ♪

My goodness.

You sound like
a completely different Glee Club.

Mr. Tuttle, I was wrong.
I'm sorry.

Yes, I'd say you made
a total fool of yourself.

- I said I'm sorry.
- Okay.

It's clear you're going to make
Bayside proud at the All-City Sing.

(cheers)

- Bring home a winner.
- Okay.

Okay... I've just
witnessed a miracle.

I'd like to know how
it was accomplished.

Well, sir, it was a miracle
of modern technology.

The reason we sound like
a completely different Glee Club,

is because we were
a completely different Glee Club.

Zachary, that's despicable,
deceitful...

and I'm delighted you did it!

All right.

But what are we going to do
in the competition?

Yeah, we can fool Belding,
but we'll never fool the judges.

Fear not! Now that you've
bought me some time,

I'll have you singing like
you've never sung before.

Well, that's good, Mr. Tuttle,
because we've never sung before.

(laughing)

Now that the Glee Club
is in the competition,

Mr. Tuttle and I
have come up with a plan...

feature the best singers
and hide everyone else.

Slater, can you hold the pitch?

Sure, but someone's
got to throw me the ball.

That must be some sort of jock joke.
(scoffs)

Settle, singers.
All right, Kelly.

- Let's hear you sing a scale.
- (Kelly clears throat)

♪ Do, re, mi, fa, so, la, ti, do ♪

Well, you got all the words right.

Jessie, you're up next.

Oh, are we keeping you
from surgery, Dr. Spano?

Lisa's got a cold
and I am not going to allow

her germs to inv*de my body.

Come on, Jessie,
you've got a great voice.

Don't you want to go to Hawaii?

What good will it do me
if I've got pneumonia?

Look, all we need
is one good singer.

Yeah, and the rest of us can hum.

Violet, you're up.

(clears throat)

(Plays chord)

♪ Do, re ♪

♪ Mi, fa ♪

♪ So, la ♪

♪ Ti, do ♪

- Whoa.
- (murmurs)

- Try the next octave.
- Okay.

(chord plays)

♪ Do, re ♪

♪ Mi, fa ♪

♪ So, la ♪

♪ Ti, do ♪

(opera trill)

Zack:
We've got Hawaii in the bag.

Fantastic, Violet!

You're going to be our soloist.

Me? In front of the group,
all by myself?

No, no, no.
Please get someone else.

Screech, old buddy.

She's your woman.

Take her out in the hall
and talk her into it.

(sighs)
Come here, my heart.

But, Samuel, all those people
will be staring at me.

My goal in life is to blend in.
(giggles)

Don't worry, Violet.
You'll be fantastic.

I'll be right there behind you,

kind of like your nerd
in shining armor.

- Oh, you promise?
- I promise, my heart.

All right, I'll do it -- for you.

(Violet sighs, giggles)

Oh, you're such a doll.

I know my parents will like you
just as much as I do.

They want you to come to dinner
Saturday night.

Huh?

Yeah, they're really eager
to meet you.

Oh, I got to run.
Edward's waiting with the limo. Bye.

Hey, Screech!
Did you talk her into it?

- Yeah.
- All right. You stud.

- But, I'm in terrible trouble.
- Why?

Her parents invited me
over for dinner.

They're rich. I don't know how
I'm supposed to act around them.

Don't worry, we'll help you.

We'll teach you everything
you need to fit in.

Screech, if you really want
to get in good with her mother, say,

"Excuse me. Has anyone ever told you
look very much like--"

And then name some big movie star.
Moms always fall for that one.

Is that why you told my mother
she looks like Candice Bergen?

Oh, no.
That's true.

Hey, Screech.
How did it go?

- Tell me every single detail.
- From the beginning.

I did just what you guys
told me to do.

Mrs. Bickerstaff,
has anyone ever told you

that you look like
Arnold Schwarzenegger?

(piano plays discordantly)

So these are frogs' legs?

If I eat them will I get warts?

(pianos plays off-key)

Why do you call these
finger-bowls?

(slurping)

Mmm, this lemon soup
is delicious.

Can I have seconds?

Mrs. Bickerstaff,
where are you going?

Mrs. Bickerstaff?

I guess I blew it.

Screech, I'm sure
it's not as bad as you think.

How are my singers today?

- Zack: Good.
- Mr. Tuttle: Good.

And here's my star.

Violet, you're our ticket
to Hawaii.

I'm sorry, Mr. Tuttle,
but I'm quitting the Glee Club.

- All: What?
- Slater: Quitting the Glee Club?

She hates me and doesn't want
to be around me anymore.

Jessie, it's up to you.
You've got to take over.

You're the only one
with a voice as good as Violet's.

(strained whisper)
You want to bet?

I caught Lisa's cold.

Sorry!

(crying)

(whimpering)

Violet, is that you?

(Violets snorts, sniffles)

Who else?

(bawling)

It's so awful.
I don't know where to start.

(raspy voiced)
Why don't you start with

why'd you quit the Glee Club.

Oh, I'm sorry about that.
I know I let everyone down.

It would just be too painful.
(snorts)

Violet, what would be
too painful?

Being around Samuel.

You see, he made a few mistakes when
he came to my house for dinner.

And you hate him
because of that?

(cries louder, snorts)

He thinks I hate him?

Oh no!
Poor Samuel.

Well, yeah.
The poor dork--

I-- I-- I mean the poor
handsome dork is miserable.

I have to tell him the truth.

(snorts and sniffles)

Zack, I'm sorry I drove
Violet out of the Glee Club,

and ruined our chances
for Hawaii.

That's okay, Screech.

I'm just sorry
you lost your girlfriend.

Thanks. Me too.

Violet!

- Zack, can we be alone?
- Screech: Okay, Violet.

Not with me,
she wants to be alone with you.

Samuel,
after you left last night,

my parents forbid me
to go out with you anymore.

It would just be too painful
seeing you in Glee Club.

But, Violet,
I should be the one to quit.

I only joined to be with you.

Oh, Samuel, I couldn't perform
in public without you behind me.

I don't have to be standing
on the bleachers to be behind you.

I'll always be behind you.

(choir sings in background)

Gee, Valley's Glee Club
is pretty good.

Aw, don't worry about it, Kelly.

While we're in Hawaii, they'll still be
"down by the old mill stream." For sure.

Violet: Samuel.

I just wanted to let you
know that I'm here--

And I wanted to give you this.

Oh...

Violet, what are you doing
with that boy?

(nervously)
Mom... Dad.

What are you doing backstage?

We wanted to wish you
good luck before you perform.

Young man, please excuse us.

Well sure,
I didn't even hear you burp.

Violet, we're very disappointed
that you chose to disobey us.

- But, Dad, he was just-- he--
- No, no.

- (applause)
- Kids, line up. We're on.

We'll continue
this conversation at home.

(sobs)

(whispers)
Mr. Tuttle, Violet's not here.

- What? Where is she?
- I bet I know. Bathroom, first stall.

Great. What do I do
in the meantime?

You heard her, stall... stall.

Good evening.

We're going to begin our program
with a Stephen Foster medley.

For those of you
who aren't familiar with the term--

Time out!

Fortunately, I always have
a backup plan.

Excuse me.

Screech, hook up this tape
to the sound system.

Okay, Zack,
but I'm not sure how it works.

Just do it.

(clears throat)

Time in.

- (whispers)
- Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Now, we're going to sing
that rousing jazz classic,

"When the Saints Go Marching In."

(tape play fast)
♪ When the saints go marching in ♪

♪ Oh when the saints
go marching in ♪

♪ Oh Lord, I want
to be in that number ♪

♪ When the saints
go marching in ♪

♪ Oh Lord, I want
to be in that number ♪

- ♪ When the saints go marching in.. ♪
- What are you doing?

(extra slow)
♪ Oh when the saints ♪

♪ Go marching in.. ♪

Tuttle, what is going on?

- ♪ Oh when the saints.. ♪
- Screech?

- ♪ Go marching-- ♪
- (extremely fast singing)

Let me explain.

That was our--

That was our impression
of a Glee Club tuning up.

And now, for some real singing
with our featured soloist

Violet Bickerstaff.

All:
♪ Bom, bom ♪

♪ Bom, bom ♪

(whispers)
Violet, that's your cue.

♪ Bom, bom ♪

(wavering)
♪ Beautiful ♪

♪ Dreamer ♪

♪ Wake unto me ♪

♪ Bom ♪

♪ Starlight and dewdrops... ♪

♪ Are waiting for thee ♪

♪ Bom, bom ♪

(off-key)
♪ Sounds of the rude world ♪

♪ Heard in the day ♪

♪ Bom ♪

♪ By the moonlight ♪

♪ Have all passed away ♪

♪ Bom, bom ♪

♪ Starlight and dewdrops ♪

♪ Are waiting for thee ♪

♪ Beautiful dreamer ♪

♪ Awake unto ♪

- ♪ Me ♪
- All: ♪ Bom ♪

(applause, cheers)

Screech, what you did for Violet
was very romantic.

Yeah, Screech. We would've been
lost if it wasn't for you.

I'm just sorry things aren't going
to work between you and--

Violet!

And your parents.

Young man, we saw you rescue
our daughter tonight.

And we no longer object to you
and Violet seeing each other.

Slater: Hey, all right.

All right, Screech.

Samuel, you're welcome
at our house anytime.

- Except for dinnertime.
- (all laugh)

(instrumental theme music plays)