02x02 - Uneasy Alliance

[bunniefuu]

We're onto something, Gina.

We have to get everyone back together.

You have to tell her the truth.

This is our new boss, Eric.

I noticed I'm missing a finger.

Have you heard from Gerry?

I will find a very special
job for you, Gerry.

Car accidents involving animals

are cover memories used
to mask alien encounters.

Alex: I'm Special Agent Alex Foster.

We have an assignment for you.

Just have a couple questions
about Jonathan Walsh.

Would it be weird to say no?

Thanks for taking the
time to meet with me.

I went to the police station,

but it was... I guess closed?

Oh, well, it's after hours.

A... And we're closed on Sundays, too.

Oh. Well, don't tell all the criminals.

[Both chuckle]

- I won't.
- But that's actually very dangerous.

You should be open all the time.

Oh, I'll just talk to
somebody about that.

Listen, I just wanted to talk
to you about Jonathan Walsh.

Whoa.

That's a lot of take-out for one person.

I just, uh, got divorced,

so maybe I'm doing a little overeating.

Are you single or...?

- Pass.
- Yeah.

Anyway, uh, it's just me now.

Here, all alone. All the time,
pretty much, when I'm here.

[Whispers] Jesus, Glimmer.

- Who's out there?
- I don't know. Keep quiet.

So, I understand the
last time Walsh was seen

was at the home of a... Gina Morrison.

- There was an expl*si*n?
- Oh, yeah.

A gas fireplace exploded
and some local nut

claimed that Walsh and a robot did it.

Imagine an exploding robot.

The guy's [whistles] wacka-doo.

Do you mean Richard Schultz?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

I... I keep tons of files on
all the StarCrossed people.

And Richard "Nutjob"
Schultz is one of them.

That's my nickname for him.

That's very clever.

Yeah, we actually have our
own nicknames at the FBI.

Yeah, like "witness" or
"cooperative local policeman."

Yeah, that'd be me.

So, can I see those files?

Oh, well, the files are in here.

Uh, 'cause the station is
trying to go paperless

'cause of climate change.

Well, I can tell you what I will do,

is put the whole list
together for you tomorrow

and send it to you in
the morning via e-mail.

I'd do it tonight, but my computer broke

'cause I spilled sauce on it.

♪♪

Phew! Did you hear that? I
just saved your ass, Walsh.

Yeah, Glimmer, you nailed it.

Come on! Just work! Work!

Why are you not... Ow!

The Cube wants to see you
for your evaluation.

- sh*t.
- [Gerry laughs]

Eric: Are all humans
as fun as this guy?

Ah, come on, Cube. You're the fun one.

Please, call me Eric. We'll
finish this later, Gerry.

Gotta do an evaluation. Blah.

Yeah.

You're just letting him
walk around like that?

He should be strapped to a table!

We are doing things a
little differently now.

If you give the subjects
a little agency,

you get better results.

He's getting his dirty human
fingers all over everything.

It's our job to make him feel welcome.

Gerry is our guest.

Our guest? We captured him.

Can you leave us alone for a second?

[Sighs]

So, Jeff, how's it going?

You seem stressed.

Good. I... It's going good.

[Laughs] I'm fine.

I mean, you know, we are short-staffed,

you know, and I am covering
for everyone else, so it's...

You're struggling.

No, no, no, no. I... I'm excelling.

I... I'm doing the work, the dream work,

which is teamwork.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Hey, Jeff!

Shut up.

Classic Jeff.

I don't know why Eric likes you so much.

And if I see you touching any
of my sh*t, I'll zap you.

Hey, so, how did your
evaluation with Eric go?

I don't trust that guy.
Mergers are never good.

I think he's out to eliminate us.

[Chuckles] What? That's crazy.

[Stammers] You think so?

♪♪

[Cellphone vibrates]

Why haven't you called me back?

You were worried about me?
Aww, that's nice.

No. You clearly haven't listened
to messages through .

I'm not worried. I'm angry.

Listen, there's an FBI agent in Beacon.

She wants to talk to you about me.

She can't be trusted.

Wow. Somebody sounds a little paranoid.

What are you afraid I'll tell her?

It's not about what you'll tell her,

but who she'll tell and
who might be listening

when she tells them whatever you t...

All right, fine. Maybe
I'm a little paranoid.

But that doesn't mean
they're not after me.

We'll talk about it more when
we see each other in person.

And when will that be exactly?

It's a surprise. I know
how you like surprises.

- I don't like surprises.
- See ya, buddy!

Jon...

Jerk.

♪♪

[Baby crying in distance]

- [Earpiece beeps]
- [Whispers] I'm going in.

No, I'm not waiting. I'm going in!

[Sighs]

♪♪

[Camera shutter clicking]

Gerry?!

[Camera shutter clicking]

Okay, that's good. Come on back.

- Okay, now cut.
- I am cutting!

No! Let me get... Just let me do it.

No! No! I can do this!

- No!
- Just let her do it.

I'm not gonna hit the car!
[Horn honking]

Gerry hasn't been to
work for three days.

That's not so unusual for Gerry.

I mean, remember when we didn't notice

that he was in jail for a week?

Yeah.

Oh, don't mind me.

It's just a routine
Reptilian face mask check.

- Yeah.
- Okay, you check out.

So, no one's concerned about Gerry?

Well, if it makes you feel any better,

I was gone for almost the
exact same amount of time.

I don't think anybody
was looking for me.

Did anybody even notice?

No. Where'd you go?

- Uh, just Iceland.
- Ooh!

With somebody that I barely know.

I could have been m*rder*d... Not
than anybody asked or cared,

or even asked me about my hair.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, it looks nice. It's subtle.

Anyway, I guess we should
probably look for Gerry

just in case he got m*rder*d.

Thank you for that.

Because I wasn't thinking
that he was m*rder*d.

But now I kind of am.

What... What is going on? Are
you guys cool with this?

Stop it. Cut your fingernails, Richard.

Hey, sorry I'm late, but
Jonathan Walsh contacted me.

What'd he say? He wants to meet,

but he says the FBI is in town.

And they shouldn't be trusted.

Of course you don't trust them.

% of the FBI are Reptilian.

Of course, Walsh is Reptilian,
too, so how can you trust him?

I don't know. I kinda do.

- [Knock on door]
- Knock, knock! Hi. Hello, everyone.

I'm Special Agent Alex
Foster, with the FBI.

♪♪

I knew you guys would
finally catch up to me.

Been on the run since ' .

Richard, call my lawyer.
He'll know what to do.

No, ma'am, I'm not after you,

although I'm very curious
what it is you did in ' .

- I'm after someone else.
- [Sighs]

I did bring muffins.

They're from Bakery Town.
Supposed to be...

- The best bakery in Beacon.
- ...the best bakery in Beacon.

Jinx. You guys remember "jinx"?

Yeah. Okay, we don't need your
FBI muffins up in here, lady.

- Right, guys?
- I'm guessing you're Richard?

- Maybe.
- For what it's worth,

there's a poppy seed in here.

How did you know that poppy
seed was my favorite? Spy.

I... I think what Richard
is trying to say is that

this is a private meeting,
where we share private things,

of a very sensitive nature.

And you are Gina? Right, the leader?

There's not really a hierarchy here,

but, yes, I'm the leader.

You don't have to be humble about it.

She's the leader.

Listen, I know the FBI has a reputation.

You all think we're a little
sneaky and we can't be trusted,

and we're the "least fun"
of the federal agencies.

But I'm just here to ask
some simple questions, okay?

Super easy.

[Muffled] Okay, cool. We
have nothing to hide.

- Right?
- Great.

I am in Beacon

to find Jonathan Walsh.

I think some of you may know him?

Why do you want to ask us about Walsh?

I think you know the answer to that.

The whole exposé you wrote
on his white-collar crimes.

I really like your writing, by the way.
It's crisp.

- Really?
- Yeah.

- Thank you.
- Actually, you know what?

I don't even need to talk to all of you.

I'll just pick a couple of you randomly,

off the top of my head.

Gina, Ozzie, Richard.

♪♪

[Clears throat]

Oh, hello, Don.

I was just tending to my plants.

I find vegetation really
softens a workspace.

Yeah, I, uh... I failed the mission.

Oh, you think so?

Yeah.

I have neglected my job,

and even taken a human job
instead, making coffee.

Because I fell in love with
one of my subjects... Kelly.

What?

And we went to Iceland
to meet my dying mother.

And my mother is not dying.
Or on Iceland. Or on Earth.

I should've been here doing my job.

I'm prepared for any punishment
you see fit to give me.

Don, you gambled on love.

Who hasn't done that?

I have just one question.

On a scale of to ,

how incompetent is Jeff?

Jeff Jeff?

[Printer whirring]

I said, "Clear your mind."

I'm trying.

What's an "Yvonne"?

She's an angel, and I miss her.

I mean, it's been awesome
chilling out in space

with you and Don and a talking cube.

But I'd trade it all just
to see her one more time.

So, how's it going in here?

- Shitty.
- Good.

He won't shut up,

and these tests are impossible

when the subject's conscious.

So, how'd it go with Eric?

Did he tear you a new one?

No, he was actually really understanding

and forgiving about the whole thing,

and then we even talked
about the heartbreak

of forbidden love.

But you violated one of
the most fundamental

mission directives...
Consorted with a subject.

Yeah, but Eric says it's six
sides to every situation.

That's brilliant. He must be a genius.

He's a cube. He's a floating square.

He's a good cube.

I wish he was my dad.

Do you want to fight me now?

♪♪

See? Look at that.

That's about, like,

five days' worth of mail there.

Yep. I just don't think
it's time to panic yet.

You know, like you guys didn't
do when I was in Iceland.

Oh, my God. Okay. Why
did you go to Iceland?

- I don't want to talk about it.
- Are you sure?

- Why do you keep bringing it up, then?
- Well, because I...

Hey. No dead body inside,
so that's a good sign.

How did you get in there?

Margaret picked the back-door lock.

Yeah. It's a little something
I picked up in ' .

♪♪

Are you comfortable?

Is your chair comfortable?
Do you want to take my ch...

You know, why don't we switch chairs?

No, I'm a therapist, so I...

I... I... I see what you're doing.
I use this tactic.

- Tactic?
- You're using sincerity

to get me to open up and
relax and start talking.

You are really very good at it.

- Thanks, Gina.
- You're welcome.

So, how often does Ozzie
talk about Jonathan Walsh?

Oh, uh, n... not that often.

Oh, so he does talk about him?

Great. What does he say?

Tell me everything you
know about Richard.

Richard? You're gonna
have to be more specific.

I know a lot of Richards.

I mean, you know, there's Richard Nixon,

Richard Dean Anderson,

Richie Polaro from high school.

Uh, ooh! Richard Simmons.

Richard Schultz.

Oh, from group! Yeah.

We call him "Dicky." I
barely know the guy.

Well, Gina told me you
acted as his lawyer

during his divorce proceedings.

Look, he was going through a hard time.

I was just being a friend.

So, you're his friend?

Now, see, I thought you didn't know him.

Hi, Richard.

Hi, Alex.

You see what I did there?

You're not the only one
who can be "casual"

and "friendly" and... "beautiful."

Richard, there are two types of men...

Men who run away from danger
and men who run toward it.

Which one am I?

Sounds like you ran right toward it

that night at Gina's place.

Uh, yeah. Yeah.

I mean, I had to do what I had to do.

Walsh is a monster.

Will you help me find
that monster, Richard?

She's like some kind
of FBI voodoo witch!

[Door opens]

So, Richard and I had a great idea.

We think we should go to Gina's place.

M... My place?

Yeah, 'cause it was Walsh's last...

Last known location.

- ...known location.
- That's right.

Okay, so, I charged in here not knowing

what would happen, and
this is where it happened.

Where you say the robot exploded?

Yes.

It doesn't look like
there was an expl*si*n.

Gina, have you vacuumed
the room recently?

Yes. Is it a crime
that I'm a neat freak?

No, but I will need to
take your vacuum cleaner

- when I go... evidence.
- Oh.

Okay, so help me out here, Richard.

Why did you tell a different story

to Gina's insurance adjustor?

You said that a gas fireplace exploded.

I... I said it because...

I asked him to say that.

My policy doesn't cover
exploding robots.

If we could just focus on the robot.

I mean, I was in love with her,

- and she was in love with me, but
- ...All right, that's enough.

This is getting crazy.

I think you're all trying
to cover something up,

and that something is
Walsh's whereabouts.

Ozzie, you worked for him.

Gina, he was in your
house for God knows why,

and, Richard, you were the last
person to see him, weren't you?

Where do you keep your vacuum cleaner?

In my cleaning closet, in the hall.

Richard!

- [Grunts]
- Aah! Wait a minute.

- There you go! No, no, no!
- Richard, Richard, Richard!

- I got you!
- Richard, Richard!

I got you, you Reptilian! I got you!

- Alex: What the hell are you doing?!
- [Banging on door]

- Richard!
- No!

- Open the door!
- What is wrong with you?!

She's an FBI agent!

Ozzie, think about it!

Walsh disappears, she
shows up out of nowhere!

This is Walsh in disguise!

- No! You don't lock people in closets.
- No!

You're making a huge mistake. Run!

[Grunts]

Richard Schultz, you are under arrest

for false imprisonment and
as*ault of a federal officer.

This is my legacy!

My only regret is I
never had any children.

[Grunts]

Guys, grab her face! Now!

Don't grab my face.

Nobody's grabbing anybody's face,

but if you could not press
charges against Richard,

that would be great.

My job is to find Walsh,

and if I have to lock
up a bunch of lunatics

to get to him, I will.

Richard will die in the big house!

Guys! Please don't leave me
with the Reptilians! Please!

Okay, okay. Okay, look,
if we could all just...

Just calm down for a second.

Can I talk to you for a minute?

♪♪

Look, what if, hypothetically,

Jonathan Walsh contacted me

and, hypothetically, I
could help you find him?

Would that change your mind?

Wow.

Break out handcuffs,

and suddenly people have information.

Are you saying you can get me to Walsh?

Maybe, but I'm gonna
need something from you.

So, Jeff, I'm reading your reports

on this new Gerry subject.

As you know, I'm very
interested in his brain.

He's a fun one, right?

Sure. Fun.

But your reports, on the other hand,

not so fun, and rather confusing.

You should do them again.

Have you looked at Don's reports?

They just seem to flow.
There's an ease there.

I know ease doesn't come
naturally to your kind.

- "Your kind"?
- Yeah.

He said that? That
sounds pretty charged.

Nothing I do seems to satisfy him.

It's like he's out to get me.

Sounds like my dad.

Never gave me a break.

Maybe you just need to
stand up to Eric and say,

"Dad, I'm my own man now."

I can't say that to Eric.

I believe you can.

Don't touch me.

I'm sorry, it's...

I... I thought you... We were friends.

Why are you so worried about Gerry?

Because we were supposed
to meet up at a diner

and he didn't show up, and
you don't just disappear

when you're in the middle of
bundling insurance policies.

Wow.

You feel really strongly
about insurance.

Does, um, insurance feel
strongly about you?

Um...

well, I thought so,

but now I'm not so sure.

"The Collected Works of Gertrude Stein."

Gerry, who are you?

Sometimes, you think you know somebody,

and then it turns out they're
a horrible pathological liar

who's not who they say they are.

Oh, honey, what happened?

Is this about Iceland?

Thank you for asking! Yes.

I went to Iceland with
somebody that I barely knew,

and that somebody was...

me.

You know, I don't know what I'm doing

or who I am or what I want

or where I'm going

or what I'm doing.

Well, those are very, very
good questions to ask.

Is there anything that
you're passionate about?

When I was a kid, I
wanted to be a dancer.

Oh, really? Like ballet?

No. Modern dance.

The only pure expression of raw emotion.

Huh.

Is there anything else
that you like to do,

like literally any... Anything else?

♪♪

Or... Or modern dance is good.

Yeah.

Okay. I did my part.

Now you do yours.

He's free as long as you bring me Walsh.

- Deal?
- Deal.

Don't make me regret this.

You know, your feelings
are actually your own.

Thanks, Gina!

You didn't seriously make a
deal with the Reptilian?

- You're welcome.
- What are you...

- [Engine starts]
- Why? What? Oh, yeah.

Thanks for getting me out.

Yeah.

So, I read your revised report on Gerry.

I think it's good, right? Flowy.

Listen, Jeff, this ship needs
to be whipped into shape,

and from the moment I saw you,
I knew you were the problem.

I look at you and I think "shortcut."

I think "lazy."

Lazy?

I'm the only one on this
ship doing anything!

Yes, but you do it so poorly.

Now leave.

No. This is the best that I can do.

If you don't like my work, maybe
you can just tell me that

rather than mind-effing me.

Maybe I'm not doing a good job

because maybe you're not communicating

what you want very clearly.

[Chime]

Your complaint has been
registered with the federation.

Oh, wait. I didn't mean to...

No, I appreciate the candor.

Thank you for your feedback.

- Gerry!
- Hey, Eric!

- You wanted to see me?
- You know it!

Come on in here, you big ol' goof.

- What's up, buddy?
- Oh, you know, same old, same old.

The people connected to
Walsh are a little weird,

but I have a good lead.

It won't be long until I find him.

Good.

But when you find him,
you contact me first

- with his location.
- Wait. What? Why?

Agent Foster, just do as I say.

That's an order.

[Receiver clicks]

What the f*ck...

Looks like you're going to Beacon.

The rest of the FBI cabal
are getting nervous.

Terminate Walsh.

I'll take care of that traitor.

Does it have to be today?

'Cause we have the book
club coming over and...

It's in your hands.

Okay. I will take care
of that traitor soon.

[Gerry giggling]

[Laughs]

It feels weird.

I can't move.

That's because I'm
deep inside your mind.

They used to implant deer

and other woodland creatures
to cover memories.

I find my method more effective.

You can trust me, Gerry.

I can trust you.

Well, you shouldn't. No one should.

[Chuckles]

♪♪

Hey, pretty lady.

[Screams]

[Groans]

- Gerry?
- Yeah, it's me!

Agh! Jesus, my eyes!

Gerry!

[Laughs]