03x08 - Stunt Show

[bunniefuu]

[CELL PHONE VIBRATING]

♪ Dreaming, yes, I'm dreaming ♪

♪ I never get my head
out the ceiling ♪

, , ...

♪ I'm dreaming of you
when I'm dreaming ♪

♪ Walking, yes, I'm walking ♪

♪ I'm talking to myself
when I'm walking ♪

♪ I wanna tell you
what you already know ♪

♪ I'm walking with
you when I'm walking ♪

♪ Dreaming ♪

♪ Dreaming ♪

♪ I'm dreaming of you
when I'm dreaming ♪

♪ I wanna tell you
what you already know ♪

♪ I'm dreaming of you
when I'm dreaming ♪

[SIGHS]

My angel.

- Randy! What the hell?
- Oh...

Oh, no, I can explain.

What's happening, Randy?

It's just a little
situation I got going on.

[PANTING] It's nothing big.

Randy, do you live in your car?

No, I do not live in my car.

So, when I say I need a
night alone to get some rest

and you say you're going home,
do you go sleep in your car?

Okay, yeah. That's what I
do, but it's just temporary.

I Airbnb'd my apartment for cash.

For how long?

For six months.

Six months?

That's not temporary, you're
homeless! I have a homeless boyfriend.

I didn't wanna be a mooch anymore, okay?

I felt like sh*t after I borrowed money
from you, and I just wanna save up.

- I wanna be the guy you deserve, Bertie.
- The guy I deserve sleeps in his car?

[SIGHS] Look...

There's another reason that I'm
not staying at my apartment, okay?

What is it?

I'll tell you, but promise
you won't laugh at me.

I promise you there is zero chance
I'm gonna start laughing right now.

[SIGHS]

My apartment's haunted.

Last time I was there, I walked in,

and I saw this little ghost girl,
and she was holding a f*cking mirror.

Nope, no, no, no. Guess what. There
aren't ghosts. Ghosts aren't real.

Ghosts are real. I saw
them with my own eyes.

Forget about ghosts, okay?
Even though they're real.

I love you, Bertie.

Look, I know I f*cked up by not
telling you I live in my car,

but I love you.

You're the nicest, funniest,
sweetest, kindest person I've ever met.

I know that I'm a mess.

I just need a chance to
get my life together, okay?

Just, please, give me a chance.

Let's talk about this later.

[SIGHS] Thank you, Bertie-bear.

[SIGHS]

[INHALES]

[SIGHS]

Is it cool if I brush
my teeth in your house?

- Yep, great.
- Okay, cool.

Let me just get my
toothbrush. It's in here.

I got a bunch of toiletries.

Jesus Christ! It smells so bad!

You think so?

I must be used to it.

What are all those loose feathers?

I left my window down one
night. It was roasting hot.

I woke up. There was a pigeon
on my chest, staring at me.

I didn't k*ll it or anything, but
it was crazy getting it out of there.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

Okay, good one today, guys.

We're bringing out the ratchet pull.
Anybody know what that is? Chris!

Ratchet pull, you start with a
simple harness-to-cable hookup,

also known as a jerk vest.

Um, then from there, you just
attach it to a high point, the cable,

and then it's just all a
math problem from there.

Yes. All right!

I'mma walk each of you through a
few fight moves before each pull.

[GRUNTING]

[BOTH GRUNTING]

[SCREAMING]

[SCREAMS]

[BOTH GRUNTING]

- Yeah! That's what I'm talking about!
- Yeah! Yeah!

[TYPING]

- Good morning.
- Yo.

Hey.

I got you a latte.

Dude, thanks. I'm not
even gonna question this

because it's my first
day off cigarettes,

and I would k*ll for stimulants. So...

Are you kidding?

Good for you. You
know, that is not easy.

- You can do this. Okay.
- All right.

- Thank you.
- No problem.

- So, what's up?
- What's up? What is up?

Well, as you know,

my situation around here has
been less than ideal lately.

I hemorrhaged listeners when
they cut my show an hour.

I think the fans are
so broken up about it

that they stopped listening altogether.

Yeah. That's maybe it.

So, I was wondering if I
could come on Stella's show.

[SIGHS] Uh...

We could do, like, a he
said-she said kind of a thing.

People call in and we each give
advice or whatever you want.

I have to mention the book,
but I am game for anything.

Um...

It's an interesting idea.

Look, you know how hard it
is for me to ask you for this.

All right, I will ask Stella.

- It's her show, but I will try.
- Thanks, Mick.

[SIGHS]

- Hey, Chris.
- Hey, Patty.

- I'm loving what I'm seeing out of you.
- Oh, thanks.

That fight earlier? You made me believe.

You made me believe. It felt like
you were really trying to k*ll me.

- Yeah, I was.
- Ha!

Yeah, I just really want
to take this seriously.

Like, someday maybe I'll be the
Daniel Day-Lewis of stuntmen.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

Not Daniel Day-Lewis' stuntman,
but... I mean, that'd be cool, too.

Right, right.

Hey, you know the WaterWorld
stunt show at Universal?

At Universal? Yeah.

That's probably the best
live stunt show of all time.

Well, the director is
actually a good friend of mine.

And no promises, but I think
I can get you an audition.

- Are you serious?
- Yeah.

Oh, my God, that would be amazing.

- Great.
- [CHUCKLES] Oh, my God!

- Thank you, Patty.
- No problem.

I actually watched that movie
recently, it still holds up.

And Kevin Costner at the
beginning of the first scene,

drinking his own piss, which a lot
of people got grossed out about.

But if you think about it,
you can't drink saltwater.

- Right. I actually haven't seen the movie.
- Oh, yeah.

- But I'll be in touch, all right?
- Thanks, Patty.

I'm saying, why don't we give
these two lines to Brooklyn?

I mean, Brooklyn is a kind of a
good actress. She just, you know...

Can't say lines well.

- Hey.
- [CHUCKLES] Dude!

- Jesus!
- What? Hi.

Oh, sorry. Do you
guys know where Gus is?

Are you a friend of Gus'?

- Yeah, he's my best friend.
- Not surprising.

We don't know where Gus is,
I'm sorry. Um, what's your name?

- Randy Monahan.
- Randy, Wyatt. Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

Don't worry about it. We're
talking about the script.

Gus might be over there or over there.

Walk around till you find him maybe.

- I'm not in the script.
- No, we know that.

- Hey, Randy, hi. How's it going?
- Gus. Hey.

Sorry. This is my friend Randy. It's
his first day on set as an extra.

- We met.
- [GUS] He's really...

I've been sleeping in my Jeep, and
my girlfriend's pretty pissed off,

- so I'm trying to get some extra cash.
- Okay. Let's wrap this conversation up.

You shouldn't really talk to these
guys. They're very important. Yeah.

- Oh, cool. Nice to meet you guys.
- Nice meeting you, too. Randy, is it?

- Yeah. Hey, great show.
- Oh, thanks.

- Okay. Bye. Come on.
- Bye.

Good to have you on board.

Hey, Randy, it's no big deal, but
you probably just should talk to me.

Those guys are kinda grouchy-grumps.

- Okay. Hey, how's the movie going?
- Yeah, yeah.

It's good. I mean, stressful.

Just sticking my chin
out and making this thing.

Even if it comes out
great and I put it online,

I don't know if
anybody's gonna watch it.

Yeah. You should put
someone famous in it.

Like Matt Damon or Blythe Danner.

- Blythe Danner.
- She's Gwyneth Paltrow's mom.

No, I know of her. I just don't
know Blythe Danner personally.

Well, how about Arya? You know her.

Yeah, you know what? Actually...

that Liberty Down
movie is gonna come out.

She's gonna blow up from that.

But a lot of people
would watch my short if...

Hey, Gus. And your buddy. Sorry.

We can hear you. Could you
guys just give us some room?

- Just clear the stage.
- Oh! Yeah, we'll keep it down, sorry.

Don't keep it down. Maybe instead
of keeping it down, just go?

- Go!
- Oh, sorry. Bye.

Hey, that reminds me,

as far as food stuff goes,
I can take whatever I want?

Anyway, I've had sex with people.
Only three of them more than once.

Is that sad or awesome?
I can't really tell.

You know you can talk to me
about stuff other than sex, right?

- I can?
- Yeah.

No, no! You just quit! You are
not supposed to be out here.

I'm not gonna smoke, relax.

I just miss the ritual.
I wanna be with you guys.

Why'd you quit in the first place?

You would have already
gotten cancer, right?

I don't think that science checks out.

Can I sniff your hand?

Weird. No.

Look at me, I'm your boss.
Let me smell your hand.

You might get a whiff
of onion in there, too.

[SNIFFING] Oh, my God.
That smells so good.

All right, I'm good. Now
I don't need to smoke.

"Dad, I got a job! I talk
about giving head all day,

and my boss makes me
let her smell my hand."

Oh, you're just living
the dream! [INHALES]

All right. Your boss has to
ask a little favor of you.

Yeah, whatever you want.

We have to have Dr. Greg
on the show tomorrow.

Gross, no! Why?

I know he's kind of a d*ck.
It's not my favorite idea.

"Kind of a d*ck"? He's a huge d*ck.

He treats me like I'm a total amateur.

Which I sort of am, but he
acts like I'm not even a person.

When we first met, he asked who
the president was when I was born

and then when I said Clinton,
he just laughed and walked away.

Look, I know that he's an
assh*le. He is % an assh*le,

but he's going through a hard
time, and this might help him.

- What do we have planned for tomorrow?
- Nothing good.

You're just gonna call your mom
and pretend to be pregnant again.

Yeah, I guess that might
be getting kind of old.

- Please?
- Fine. If you really want to.

I guess it could be good.

- Yes.
- You guys are gonna be fine.

Do you even know what
we're talking about?

No, I tuned out.

[MAN ON TV] Just as other
millions and quadrillions of atoms

are the tiny building blocks

which make up everything
in the world. Ships and...

- Hey, Gus?
- [GUS] Uh-huh.

Just one sec. Sorry.

It's : . I think we're done.

- Huh?
- It's : .

Yes. It is.

Okay, um, class dismissed.

I don't know what you're
working on that's so important,

but I'm trying to get
into Brown over here.

No. Yeah, no. I was just working
on lesson plans for next week.

Really? 'Cause I can see the
reflection in your glasses

and it definitely
looks like a screenplay.

Annie. You're vaping in
class? Jesus Christ! Come on.

Sorry, class is over. Thanks
for not telling anyone. Bye.

Okay. Bye.

[SIGHS]

Hey. How are you feeling?

I'm just tired. I just wanna sleep.

Well... Hey, before you go,

I just wanted to talk to you
about something real quick.

Not a big deal. Just wanted to
ask you a little, teeny-tiny favor.

Favor. Oh, f*cking f*ck!

Okay. Well, you know I like to write,

and I've been writing,

and also been directing
something that I wrote.

And it's really cool.

It's kind of a thriller.

Sort of like a dark,
erotic thriller kinda thing,

and I was thinkin' it'd be
really fun and really cool

if you had a part in it.

You want me to play a part
in your erotic thriller?

Well, it's not an
"erotic" erotic thriller.

I mean, it's more just for adults.

Oh, so it's an adult film?

No, it's a movie for adults

that's just a regular movie

that I've put a lot of time
and energy and money into.

Basically, emptied out my bank account.

You're using your own
money? Gus, that's so sad.

Well, yeah, I have to.

I don't have any funding
or connections or whatever.

I mean, you and me,
we're in the same boat.

We're two people who
had to make our own luck,

roll up our sleeves, work
hard to get the things we want.

We're not like these guys

who were born on third and
thought they hit a triple.

I mean, you're a white guy
who I think is straight.

You were at least born on second.

That's true. That's a good point.

Um... I guess I'm asking you

'cause you're really the only
person who can help me out right now.

Stop, stop. You're really
making me feel uncomfortable.

I understand.

I will do this one thing for you. Ever.

This will be the one time
that I do something for you.

Do you want this to be the one
time that I do something for you?

Your one favor. There's a lot of
other things I could do for you.

Right.

- In the world.
- Mm-hmm.

And you're choosing this.
Are you sure about that?

- It's scary when you say...
- Yeah, I hope it's scary.

I hope you're very scared

because there's a lot of
other things I could do for you

and this is what you're choosing.

Okay.

I mean, I'm confident...

'Cause, you know what? This
is gonna be really cool.

I'm sure of it.

Is that sarcasm?

No.

- Hello. Hi.
- Hi!

Sorry, I hope this isn't weird,

but can I please borrow
some of your makeup?

Why do you wanna borrow my makeup?

You know, just to look a little
bit nicer and just amp myself up.

Just something casual
for daytime, no big deal.

Why, are you meeting a guy or something?

- Oh, yes. But I have a boyfriend, so...
- Oh...

Just friends meeting.

Right. Okay. Lip gloss.

- Thank you.
- Mm-hmm.

- How old are you?
- I'm .

Oh.

You're cool.

I didn't get cool until
way later. So, good job.

Oh, yeah? [CHUCKLES]

I gotta tell ya, I love
the swag, by the way.

- Oh, yeah, thanks.
- Your own condoms.

I tried to get them to make
Heart Work mugs for me,

- but they said it wasn't in the budget.
- Oh.

Made one for myself, though.

Are we ready?

Hey, guys! It's me, Stella.

And this week, we've got a special
guest. Dr. Greg Colter, who...

He hosts Heart Work at Gravity,

and he also just wrote a new book.

Welcome, Greg.

Thank you, Stella. Guess I'm here
to represent the male perspective.

[CHUCKLES] Right, 'cause
society needs more of that.

Well, I actually think it does.

I believe wholeheartedly
that men and women are equal,

but, lately, with the
popularity of feminism,

I do think that it has drowned
out some prominent male voices,

and that is a real shame.

Okay.

Um, Dr. Greg is not a
comedian or performance artist.

He is a professional therapist
who believes the words he's saying.

- [CHUCKLES]
- Let's take some calls.

Hey, Sarah in Portland.
You're on with me

and a man who believes men don't
get heard enough, Dr. Greg Colter.

- [LAUGHS] Hi.
- [SARAH] Hey, guys.

So, I recently discovered
that I like being choked.

During sex, not, like,
in general. Is that bad?

No. I mean, as long as you're safe
and with a partner that you trust,

I think you should do
what makes you feel good.

Don't be ashamed of who
you are, you f*cking freak.

[DR. GREG] Well, I totally disagree.

Maybe you should feel weird about it.

Because what is freaky is
not always what is healthy.

Sometimes, self-harm is a cry for help.

Oh, hold on a second.

Life is hard.

I think you should get yourself
a sweet orgasm any way you can.

Don't listen to Dr. Greg Colter.
Actually, google Dr. Greg Colter.

You can tell by his
face he has boring sex.

Well, I've actually had
many adventurous experiences.

I have experienced food
play many, many times.

Uh... I'm into feet.

I once orgasmed by giving cunnilingus.

Amazing. Do we have another caller?

Okay, so then, this
guy, way far stage right,

pulls up a f*cking rocket launcher.

And he fires it. [IMITATES expl*si*n]

It goes across the entire
stadium, hits the Deacon

and his entire body bursts into flames.

- Good Lord!
- Yeah. Still fighting the whole time.

[IMITATES BLOWS LANDING]

And then, comes to the
edge, he's, like, so high up,

and all of a sudden...
Falls. Like no big deal.

Thirty feet easily,

lands in the pool, huge
splash, and then... Awesome.

Chris, I'm really proud of you.
I hope you get it. It's so cool.

Oh, thanks. Me, too.

What about you? What's up with you?

- I've been going back to Bar Body a bit.
- Cool.

I went this morning,
actually. Did a whole class.

And I did not vomit afterwards.

Congratulations. Not
puking, very cool. [LAUGHS]

Is your place far from here? I
could really use the bathroom.

Oh, well, the public restroom is
right around the corner over there.

Uh-huh.

But that one's gross. Come
here, I'll show you my place.

Yeah, so basically, think Mad
Max, although instead of sand, water.

Ruby, Ruby, easy with the smoke, man.

It's to keep the tone of the
film. It looks grainy, like...

Yeah, but we talked about this.
This scene is lighter on smoke

because Roman has clarity
and the audience has clarity.

So the mise-en-scène
has clarity. Okay?

- No, that's what I was telling Wade.
- It looks like the school's on fire.

- Okay.
- You'll see it in post.

[CHUCKLES]

[WOMAN OVER PHONE] I've
been seeing this guy.

He's successful and smart
and really nice, but...

- But you don't wanna f*ck him.
- I don't wanna f*ck him.

Right.

Anyway, he's taking me
out to meet Lana Del Rey.

He has a friend who's friends with her.

Can I go even though I'm not
gonna date him or f*ck him after?

Dude, yes! Totally go!
Your body, your choice.

His Lana connection, his choice.

[DR. GREG] What?

Here's the advice, Amy.
Okay, you ready for it?

Cancel the date, or if
you go, have sex with him.

No, don't do that. She just said
she doesn't wanna have sex with him.

I mean... Greg MD.

- Can I call you Greg MD?
- No, you can't call me Greg MD!

Are you saying every time a guy takes
us out, we're obligated to f*ck him?

That's not what I'm saying.
Don't put words in my mouth here.

Let me break it down, this whole
thing, what all of this is about.

- Please. I was...
- Face the facts. Face the facts.

- I'm ready. Let's face them.
- Women use sex to manipulate men. Fact.

I use sex for sexual pleasure.

You've made that painfully obvious.
Of course, yeah, you love sex.

Get it, good. But also,
bullshit. Sex got you famous.

This assh*le Amy from Hollywood

is using her sexuality
to meet Lana Del Rey.

Even your amazing producer
here, Mickey Dobbs,

who's really been bringing in
the thought-provoking calls here,

used me for sex, right?

- Admit it, Mickey, am I right?
- Yeah. Hi, this is Mickey.

Okay, I'm not ashamed
to admit it. We had sex.

And it was gross. And I
wasn't manipulating you.

Give me a break! You led me on!

You f*cked me so that
I wouldn't fire you.

You probably slipped
me Viagra during lunch

because I remember
getting harder than usual.

[LAUGHS]

Dr. Greg, moving on...

Men are not necessarily the
problem, okay, Miss Feminist?

Women are the f*cking problem, too,

because you f*ck us
and you f*ck with us!

- Here! You wanna f*ck?
- [GASPS]

There you go. f*ck your life away!

f*ck this!

Dr. Greg just threw condoms
at my head, guys. This is real.

He threw the chair down. He's leaving.

And, action!

Haley, I know you're scared. We all are.

But you have to tell me what you
saw before someone else gets k*lled.

They threatened my family!
And what if I'm next?

Haley, it's always
better to tell the truth.

And what if the truth's not so simple?

Well, I have time. I'll
listen. I'll protect you.

Yeah! Cut!

All right!

Okay. Yes, yes, yes.

All right. Up top. Down low. [CHUCKLES]

Too slow. Okay. Great job, guys.

Gus. Gus, I have a f*ck up.

The card is full.

Oh, the card is full? [LAUGHING]

Okay, Mr. Prankster. I didn't
know we had a Mr. Clooney on set.

No, it's just, my card...

The card is full. And
so, we did not get the...

Did you get any of the take?

No. I got the first three seconds
and then... [CLICKS TONGUE]

[GUS] Okay, get a new card. I
don't care. Let's do it again.

We got five minutes. We'll do it again.

I'll go out to my car. It's in my car.

You don't have the card here?

- No. Yes.
- It's in your car?

Then just wipe the card.

Just wipe it clean, we'll
start from the beginning.

We'll start from the...

[INHALES DEEPLY] top. The first
five takes were sh*t anyway.

I'm sorry, but they were.

So now we're in a groove,
so we'll just wipe the card.

- We're gonna lose all those takes?
- One request.

Can people care about this
as much as I f*cking care?

Wow, cool vibe on set, Michael Bay.

Let's roll. Let's just roll.

Yeah, and then they replaced two
of the treadmills with ellipticals.

- Oh, that's crazy.
- [CHUCKLES]

It's just like Gus' place. Same
weird art on the walls and everything.

Yeah. Well, actually, there's
a couple small differences...

Uh, my microwave broke.

So, they came and replaced it,
and this one is top of the line.

That's cool.

So if you ever need to microwave
anything, don't go to Gus'.

[CHUCKLES] I won't.

Oh, check this out. I wanted to know

what the meaning of this painting was,

so I found the artist on
Facebook and reached out.

He got back to me in two seconds.

What was the meaning?

Um... No meaning. Just
that, it was just dots.

Yeah, he, um, likes dots.

Do you need to use the bathroom?

No.

- You're very physically capable.
- I'm a stuntman.

That's so f*cking hot.

Excuse me. We had a lunch break on set,

all these buildings look alike, but
Witchita is that way, right?

The Witchita set is that way, right?

I'm supposed to be there now, so...

Witchita set.

Is that the zombie cart?

Hey! Hey, excuse me.

Zombie cart, hold on. I'm
supposed to be on the cart.

We are living in a very sensitive time,

and we need to be mindful
of hateful, sexist rhetoric.

Agreed. The whole point was
to have a very frank discussion

about gender and sexuality.

- You cannot throw condoms at a co-worker.
- I was building to that.

You cannot call out a co-worker's
sexual history on live radio.

Also true.

And you cannot verbally
abuse our subscribers.

So, what happens now?

- You're suspended until further notice.
- [DR. GREG] Wow.

I have devoted years of
my life to helping people.

I've been at Gravity
since the beginning.

How am I supposed to pay my mortgage?

- You rent. You don't have a mortgage.
- It's a figure of speech.

Hey, just keep a cool head here.

Sorry.

I'll call you as soon as I know
what we're gonna do, all right?

Rick is gonna escort you out.

Bet you couldn't be
happier about this, huh?

- Me?
- Yeah.

I tried to f*cking help you.

- [DR. GREG] Oh, my f*cking God.
- It's not my fault he f*cked himself.

Okay. Okay. We have no
choice. I'm sorry, Greg.

It's "Dr. Greg."

Let's go, Rick.

Hey. Hey, hey, hey. I got it, buddy.

Thanks. Thanks, man.

- Good day today, huh?
- Yeah, great day. It was a great day.

- Oh, I got it. I got it.
- You sure?

Yeah, it's cool.

- Sure you don't want any help?
- Yep.

And, hey, Ruby, you know,

as far as that card stuff
goes, like, sh*t happens.

I guess so.

All right.

Got that scene though, huh?

Yeah, rock on.

[GUS] Stay cool.

Stay cool.

Stay cool.

[WHISPERING] Chris.

Chris.

We fell asleep.

Okay, I'm just gonna go.

You're very good at sex.

What was his face like?

Uh... Sad?

[STELLA] Who got to
be there? You, Erika...

Yeah, me and Erika.

I hate his Andre Agassi haircut.
It's, like, weak genes or something.

[LAUGHS]

I just want more specifics.

It's not fair that I didn't
get to watch him leave.

Yes, tell us more.

I don't know, he just seemed broken.

People should throw more tantrums
at work. I would show up more often.

This is the best day of
my professional career.

I've only been in the workforce
for, like, two months, but still.

- I'm gonna smoke.
- Can I have one, please?

Oh, my God, Truman. Hey,
will you watch for roofies?

- Yes.
- [TRUMAN] Sorry, Mickey.

No, it's cool. I'm
with you guys in spirit.

Hey, could I get a vodka tonic?

Yeah, sure thing.

Never mind. I'm good.

- Chris, right?
- Yeah, hey!

The park doesn't open for minutes

so I can run you through a couple moves.

Yeah, man. I'm all yours. [CHUCKLES]

♪ If you build me up
to break me down ♪

♪ If you're looking for things ♪
♪ That you never found ♪

♪ Got to give it to get it ♪

♪ Got to live it, less you regret it ♪

♪ How could everything be wrong ♪

♪ When there's so many
things going on? ♪

♪ Life's a bell that must be rung ♪

[EXHALES]

♪ If we live tonight ♪
♪ Like it's our last chance ♪

♪ Oh, they're playing our song ♪
♪ We better dance ♪

♪ Got to give it to get it ♪

♪ Got to live it,
unless we'll regret it ♪

♪ How could everything be wrong ♪

♪ When there's so
many things going on ♪

♪ Life's a bell that must be rung ♪

♪ Life's a song that must be sung ♪

♪ Hey! ♪

♪ Life's a bell that must be rung ♪

♪ Life's a song that must be sung ♪
♪ Come on! ♪

♪ Life's a song that must be sung ♪

[VOCALIZING]