03x10 - The Cruikshanks

[bunniefuu]

[STEVEN] Listen, I...

What I'm saying is if you deliver
it and it goes on my door...

and someone steals
it, that's your fault.

So, I have to spend a hundred bucks

so I can get another
f*cking beard trimmer

I already paid for once? Great.

Good business, guys. Thanks.

- Everything okay?
- Barely.

I moved into this sketchy neighborhood,

- and someone's stealing my mail.
- Hmm.

I think it's the landlady's kid,
'cause he's a shifty little f*ck.

I didn't know you moved.

Since the split, Arya stays in one place

and then Denise and I rotate in and out.

It's gotta have fringe benefits, right?

You got your own place,
your little babe lair.

Please, I wish. I haven't
gotten laid since the divorce.

Oh, sh*t. Really?

Story of my life,
dude. I used to k*ll it.

I thought I'd be the shark in
the ocean on a feeding frenzy,

but it turns out I'm just a sad,

little, dickless eel that gets no p*ssy.

Too bad, I'd like for
that eel to get some.

Yeah. Hey, I wanted to talk
to you about that sh**t.

sh**t went great. I
mean, Arya was awesome.

Well, she can't be in it.

What? No, I mean, she is in it.

We sh*t her stuff already. So...

Well, it's non-union, right?

Plus, if it turns out to be a big turd,

people are gonna see it,
and that'll hurt her career.

Yeah, but it's so not
a turd, it's really...

It's also weird you didn't
ask us if she could be in it.

Do you think that's weird? She's a kid.

You don't negotiate with a teenager

and just get her in
your thing on the side.

I was just trying to be proactive.

I figured that's what the big sh*ts do.

They just go and ask and then
beg for forgiveness later, but...

Listen, I don't want to be
that guy and stress you out,

but she can't be in it.

And if she's in it, we're gonna sue you

and go through all that
and nobody wants that.

Then don't be that guy,
be the guy who says,

"This is awesome, and
I'm supporting you, Gus."

Fruit by the Foot. Are you kidding me?

Oh, my God, what a
little nugget I found.

Haley, I know you're scared. We all are.

You have to tell me what you saw
before someone else gets k*lled.

They threatened my
family. What if I'm next?

[MUTTERS]

All right. So...

With Arya out... Uh...
What do we got to work with?

- Nothing.
- Well, don't say nothing.

Let's stay positive here.

She witnesses the m*rder,
so without her scene,

- the ending makes no sense.
- Yeah.

- [CELL PHONE VIBRATING]
- Hold on.

f*ck.

Okay, uh, Mickey's here,
so we gotta wrap this up.

What are... What are my options?

What might be cool is

we could take what we have
and turn it into a trailer.

You realize this was supposed
to be a seven-part mini-series,

not a two-minute trailer?

This could be for the best.

Show people the good parts.

What do you mean "the good parts"?
You're saying there's bad parts?

- I mean, you know, the script is great.
- [GUS] Mm-hmm.

You did a really great
job, but execution-wise,

- Okay, no.
- I don't thin we...

You need to stop talking, or
I'm gonna burst into tears.

- Yeah.
- [KNOCK ON DOOR]

[GUS] Okay. Um...

- Let's do the trailer.
- I think that's gonna be good.

Pretty soon, this passion project
is gonna be a -second commercial.

I mean, that's not
such a bad idea, either.

- Hey. Sorry.
- What is happening in here, guys?

I was just having a talk.

Movie magic? How's it going?

Uh... It's great. It's
going really great.

What's going on? I sense
some tension in here.

No, there's no tension. We're
just talking about the movie.

- So, I'll see you guys later.
- Okay.

- Bye!
- Bye.

- Have fun in South Dakota.
- Yeah.

- f*cking...
- Yeah. Let me get that. You got it?

- Yeah.
- Yep, okay.

What do you think? I'd say we
got about five good minutes, tops.

Oh! I was thinking three.

Maybe we can squeeze three
and a half out of this thing.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

- You okay? You seem kind of anx-y.
- Anx-y?

Yeah, it's my cute way of saying anxious

so you don't think I'm being judgy.

- Oh!
- Mm-hmm.

- Okay. Well, I'm feeling very anx-y, then.
- Mm-hmm.

No, I don't know. I'm just...

You know, it's stressful
going back, seeing the family.

I mean, I love 'em. They're
great. They're the best.

- But...
- But...

[SIGHS] They just can
be a bit much sometimes.

I mean, as a heads up, my
dad's gonna seem maybe angry

or mean, but he's just
quiet and reserved.

And my mom, she can get
a little loud sometimes,

especially after a few drinks.
But, you know, fun loud.

I don't know. They're great. I love
them. Seriously, they're the best.

That is the nicest sh*t
talking I've ever heard.

[CHUCKLES]

Relax, it's gonna be fine.

I know, I know, I know. Honestly,
I just want you to like them.

Okay.

I mean, they are a bit conservative,
so I don't want to be like,

- "Tone it down, Mickey," but...
- No, I get it.

I will not bring up
abortion... until after dinner.

- Okay, thank you.
- Mm-hmm.

- Can you do me a favor?
- Mm-hmm.

Can you tell me if my house has a smell?

Everybody's house has a smell.

No, no, I know. I just...

Because I grew up with it,
I don't know what it is.

- Okay.
- And I can't identify it.

- It's like one of those things.
- I'll take a big whiff.

Okay. So, I, uh...

- I think my parents must be asleep.
- Okay.

- So, we can just turn in now.
- Sure.

- You gotta tell me. What's the smell?
- Oh.

[SNIFFING]

It smells like laundry
detergent, ham and Shalimar.

- Does your mom wear Shalimar?
- She did, good nose.

- Gussie? Is that you?
- [GUS] Ah!

- Oh, my gosh. Hi, Mom.
- Yay! My sweetie!

Hello.

- You look wonderful.
- Oh, thank you, thank you.

- Dad. Hey.
- Hey, buddy.

Good to see you. Mom,
Dad, this is Mickey.

- Nice to meet you.
- Mickey!

- [GUS] There we are.
- Mickey, I'm Vicki. Oh.

Look at us. Mickey and Vicki.

- We should be a singing duo.
- Oh, we could do that! Yes!

- How was the drive?
- It was good. Good drive, I would say.

- Took ?
- Mm-hmm.

Took to West.

- Oh, that's good. That's smart.
- Yeah, yeah.

You two must be starving, huh?
I'll warm up some cheese potatoes.

- Cheese potatoes?
- Yeah, yeah.

South Dakota put their two
favorite foods together.

My cholesterol is about ,
but I don't care anymore.

- Oh.
- Hmm.

[MICKEY] Mmm. Mmm.

- This is delicious.
- I know, right?

- Mm-hmm.
- Everybody loves Mom's cheese potatoes.

- She's the best cook.
- Good to see you eating, Gus.

This guy was so skinny, I was afraid
he'd fall through his own assh*le.

- [LAUGHS]
- Hon...

Oh, my gosh.

Uh, so, Mickey, Gus
tells us you're in radio.

Oh, yeah. She's a big-time
producer. She is k*lling it.

- [VICKI] Oh, well, that's very impressive.
- Thank you.

So, how about you,
sweetie? How's your job?

It's good. Witchita is going great.

And I just finished my
movie, which is very exciting.

I hope you put our money to good use.

Mom tells me that Arya's in it, too?

Oh, Arya? Yeah, she's in it.

Honey. Honey, where did we see her?

What was that movie with, you
know, the cop from that show?

Come on. Help me out here.

Which cop show guy? David Caruso?

No. The one where they're
always investigating everything.

You know, that one on Channel
. The one that Beverly hates.

The sex crimes one?

Oh, no, she loves the
sex crimes one. Ooh!

- Oh, gosh. This is gonna bug me.
- [GUS LAUGHS]

Does Arya have another job lined up?

You better have another
job lined up, too.

You never quit a job
unless you have a job.

- Am I right, Mickey?
- Totally right.

If you're still hungry,
I have some more food.

We could sit over here.
We could be comfortable.

- [MICKEY] Yeah.
- [GUS] Mmm!

- [MICKEY] Wow! Now what are these?
- Well, these are my boy's favorite.

- As I recall.
- [GUS] Yes.

These are called pickle wheels.

- Yum, yum, yum.
- Oh, yeah.

So it's pickles and cream
cheese and you wrap it in meat.

- Wow.
- [GUS] Mm-hmm.

How have I gone my whole life
without having a pickle wheel?

- It's another South Dakota delicacy.
- Right? Yummy, huh?

- How about some wine?
- Uh, I think we're good. Thanks, though.

- Mickey, want some wine?
- Mom, we're fine.

Well, let her answer, ding-dong.

You know what? I'm
fine, I'm actually sober.

Oh. Okay. Neat. How long?

- Oh. That's not a really polite thing to ask.
- Oh, it's okay.

Oh, okay. When was it? I guess it
was sometime before we met, right?

- No.
- What?

I wasn't sober when we met.

Oh. Uh... Basically, it was
around there, though, right?

- Sure.
- Yeah.

- Well, you don't mind if I...
- No. Go right ahead.

- Okay, all righty. More for me.
- [ALL LAUGH]

Here we are gabbing about our
jobs. How's work for you two?

Yeah, must be tough being a principal.

Gets tougher every year.

- Last week a kid called me a fascist.
- [ALL EXCLAIM]

Yeah. But he has his
hobbies and that helps.

You know, fishing and hunting.

- Want to see my g*ns?
- Oh, Dad.

It's midnight. She doesn't
want to be looking at g*ns.

Show me those g*ns!

[GASPS AND CHUCKLES]

- This is a bolt action. Here. Hold that.
- Okay. All right.

Put it up against your
shoulder... Yeah. Like that.

- You ever held a g*n before?
- Unh-unh.

Could have fooled me. You're a natural.

Oh, yeah. He's right.
You look so poised.

Does that feel weird, Mickey?

No, I like it. I get it, I %
understand the appeal of this thing.

I guess I didn't take you as a hunter.

Oh, I eat steaks. So
that's k*lling a cow.

I wouldn't sh**t a white tiger,

but there's a lot of birds I don't like.

Come up in October. sh**t some pheasant.

Me and Ken go every year. Shotgun.

Ooh, yeah. Pheasants
suck. Tell Ken I'm in.

[VICKI] Oh, you can tell him yourself.

Him and his family are dropping by

- early in the morning.
- Ah.

Oh, and Caroline and Andrew are
coming the night before the party.

- The party?
- Yeah!

Oh, my God, I can't wait for that party.

- Forty years?
- I know. Can I just tell you something?

It flew by. Just flew by.

Yeah, for me it felt
exactly like years.

[GUS AND VICKI LAUGHING]

How long have you two known each other?

Oh, what's it been,
Mickey? Eight months?

Well, in years, you're gonna
know what I'm talking about.

- Oh, aren't they a lovely couple?
- Yes, they are.

Oh, my God. Just lovely.

- Ooh, I like being in here.
- Yeah?

It's like traveling back in time

to see how little teenage Gussie lived.

Oh, yeah. If these walls
could talk, they'd say...

- "This boy loves jacking it."
- [BOTH CHUCKLING]

You know, I really like
your parents. A lot.

Oh.

That's nice to hear.
I could tell they...

I could tell they really liked you, too.

I can see it in their
eyes. It was very sweet.

Yeah, I don't know
why you're so worried.

Your dad's not scary.
He's sweet. So's your mom.

Yes, that's true.

It's just, you know, they're sort
of naturally repressed people.

They were in good first
impression mode too, so...

But whatever, I mean, believe me,

the fact that you like
them and they like you

makes me very happy.

I mean, you liked my dad.

Yeah, but I got how he wasn't always

the best dude to you and stuff. Yeah.

But you gotta learn to forgive.

Resentment is like
holding onto a hot coal.

Eventually, you're the
one who gets b*rned.

Hmm.

- Is that something they say in AA? Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.

Another one is, "Resentment
is like drinking poison

- and hoping the other person dies."
- Huh.

Yeah, and "the only difference

between a flower and
a weed is judgment."

- I like that weed-flower one.
- I finish strong.

Yeah, that one was really good.

It's just... my brother Ken is
going to be the tough one. [SIGHS]

He's Mr. Expert. He'll tell you

- everything you're doing wrong...
- Hey.

- Hmm?
- You want to have sex?

Oh. Um...

Yeah, okay.

Have you ever had sex in this bed?

No. Should I go get a bottle of
champagne to crash on the headboard?

[BOTH MOANING]

Hey, um...

- I'm just a little worried about my...
- What?

... family waking up, so can you
make the moans sound like snoring?

- I'm getting in my head now.
- I'm sorry.

- Okay. Okay.
- Okay.

- Make whatever sound you want.
- Okay.

Wake up!

- Oh!
- Hmm?

Hi, sweetie!

- Finally!
- Hey.

- He has risen.
- Ah, come here.

Good morning. Good
morning, Ken. Kelly, hi.

- Hi.
- Kelly, Ken, this is Mickey.

Hi. Hi.

Sorry if Nina woke you guys.

Ah, no, it's fine. We had
to get up anyway, so...

I must be wired differently than you.

I cannot sleep in like that.
I'm up at : every day.

- Coffee?
- Thank you. Good morning.

Good morning.

[KEN] Now, you must not get much
sleep at all though with this guy.

- Have you heard him talking in his sleep?
- Shut up.

Oh. Yeah, I mean, I've
heard him once or twice.

I thought it was cute.

Remember when I had you come in
and he was talking in his sleep?

And he was walking around
going, "The campfire goes here!"

- [VICKI] Sweet. Aww.
- That.

It was funny. He was
dreaming about camping.

Maybe I was dreaming about building
a warm fire for my loved ones.

- I don't know.
- Oh, yeah. It was probably that, Ken.

- We don't need to...
- All right.

Okay, he loves you.

Of course I do, I'm teasing
him. I'm glad you're here.

- That's nice.
- Thank you. Thank you.

That's very sweet.

What have we got planned?
What are gonna do today, guys?

We can't sit inside all day.
Who's up for some Cornhole?

- Cornhole? Is that a game?
- Oh, is it.

Should we team up and make this real?

- Yeah.
- All right, Dad, you go with Kelly.

And then Mom, Gus. And
then you want to double up?

- [MICKEY] Yeah, let's do it.
- Mickey and me could be a team, too.

Well, no, I was trying
to make it more fair.

So it's people that are
good at it with people

- that are less experienced or whatever.
- Yeah.

[KEN] Mom would be the experienced one,

- then you're... whatever, the rest.
- Okay.

- [VICKI] I'll help you out.
- [GUS] Gotcha. All right, yeah.

- Little thing!
- Man!

♪ The footprints over the snow ♪

♪ The fabric of all the lonely ♪

♪ Covering only the
fables and hands ♪

- Why would you even try it?
- You did that to me two rounds ago.

♪ F-f-freezin', yeah ♪

♪ My, my, my heart
like a kick drum ♪

♪ My, my heart like a kick drum ♪

♪ My, my heart like a kick drum ♪

♪ My, my love like a voice ♪

- Ah!
- [GUS GROANS]

- [VICKI] Oh!
- [KEN] That's how you Cornhole!

- That is how you Cornhole!
- [MICKEY] Oh, yes!

- Team Ken and Mick! You're good!
- Yeah.

- [VICKI] We'll get 'em next time.
- Yeah. It's okay.

I'm not that competitive,
I don't even care, so...

That's fine, yeah. Good game, everybody!

All right, losers pick up.

Ugh.

What the f*ck?

Ah, yuck! Gross.

[ALL] ♪ Though the
mountains may fall ♪

♪ And the hills turn to dust ♪

♪ Yet the love of
the Lord will stand ♪

♪ As a shelter for all ♪
♪ Who will call on his name ♪

♪ Sing the praise and
the glory of God ♪

♪ Though the mountains may fall ♪

- Hey, you're really getting into this.
- Oh, yeah, it's a good song.

♪ The love of the
Lord will stand ♪

♪ As the shelter for all ♪

♪ Who will call on his name ♪

Listen to this angel.

♪ Sing the praise and
the glory of God ♪

♪ Da ♪

- Whoa. What the f*ck?
- f*ck!

- What?
- The drain's all blocked up.

I thought you were out for the day.

Yeah, it got super hot.

Has this ever happened
before? You should ask Mickey.

No. No one likes getting a panicky call

when they're out of town. I'll fix it.

You can really fix this?

I don't know. Can you?

- No way. We should call a plumber.
- [SIGHS]

Are you mad at me?

I'm just... [SIGHS] It just
sucks dealing with this.

Yeah, but like, outside of this,

you've been acting
really weird around me.

You always seem kind of cranky,
and we haven't had sex in, like...

Can we talk about this when
I'm not covered in bile?

- [KNOCK ON DOOR]
- f*ck!

What?

Oh, it's just like... It
sucks dealing with this, f*ck.

- Hi, come on in.
- Hey.

Hi. Randy's here.

- Hey!
- Oh. Hey, Chris.

- Hey. Uh...
- What's up?

Oh, I told Chris about
the blocked drain.

He said he'd come over and take a look.

- Yeah, yeah. Somebody call a plumber?
- Yep.

Well, you could've asked me, Bertie.

Yeah, but you know, you
were out for the day,

and you did just literally
say you couldn't fix it.

Yeah, well, not everybody
has a drain g*n thing.

- But...
- Uh, it's a drain snake.

Yeah, well, I would've figured it out.

Um... You know, I can go and...
You can borrow this, if you want.

It is pretty easy.

This thing just comes out and
then it will grab the hair...

No, no, no. Stay. Uh,
we can fix it together.

- We'll use the, uh, the snake. Cool.
- Okay. [CHUCKLES]

[BERTIE MUTTERS]

So, Mickey, what'd you think?
Thank you, Father. Did you like it?

Don't grill her about this stuff.

Thank you, Father.

- I thought it was nice, very peaceful.
- I saw you took communion.

Was that bad? Gus told me I shouldn't.

No, it's just, you know, Catholics
think that the bread and wine

is Jesus' actual body and blood.
So I just wanted you to be aware.

That's why I want to try it.

It's like Anthony Bourdain
eating a cow's brain.

I liked that you tried it.

Me, too. It's good to
try everything once.

Oh, and what about Father Tom?
Isn't his sermon good? He's so smart.

You think he's cute. Your
mother has a crush on our priest.

- I don't. Stop saying that.
- You said he was handsome.

Just 'cause you asked me. I mean,
he's okay. He's no Jimmy Smits.

So, Gus, you get to
church much in LA or...

Oh, yeah. No, I try to.

Dude, come on. Do you
even believe in God?

All right, all right. Let's not have
the Spanish Inquisition. [LAUGHS]

- We'll see you at home. Okay?
- [GUS] Okay, yeah.

I want to show Mickey
a few spots around town

so I'm gonna give her a
quick tour and we'll be back.

- [KEN] All right.
- Bye.

- [MICKEY] Bye.
- [KEN] See you.

- I've never seen you go to church.
- Yeah. I was lying.

- Hmm.
- Yeah.

- All right, all fixed.
- Beautiful, thank you.

- Yeah.
- Uh, yeah. Thanks, Chris.

[GRUNTS]

Well, I think I'm gonna take off.

All right, cool, yeah. I'm
gonna shower now that it's fixed.

- Okey-dokey. [CHUCKLES]
- Cool.

- All right, have a good day, bud.
- Yeah. See you, dude.

All right, see you.

Hey, does he know about us?

- It seemed like he was jealous.
- Oh, no.

I think he's jealous of how
quickly you fixed the drain.

Which was amazing, by the way.

The way you were like...
[IMITATES WHIRRING]

- It was incredible.
- Thanks.

[SIGHS] I just...

I don't think we should be hooking up

while you guys are still together.

Okay, but... what are you saying?

Well, if you break up with him,
then it wouldn't feel so wrong.

I want to break up with him.
It's just really, really hard.

But I like you so much.

I know. Me, too.

Uh...

Okay.

- I'm gonna go try and return this.
- Oh, okay.

- See you.
- Bye.

Over there is where my first job was.

- Aw!
- Yeah.

Hey, uh, Mickey, thank
you so much, by the way,

for pretending to like
church for my family.

- It meant a lot to them and me...
- No. I genuinely liked it.

- Oh!
- Why? You didn't?

- No, I did not.
- [BOTH CHUCKLE]

I think your family could handle
it. You should give 'em more credit.

I know you're all
buddy-buddy, best friends

with the Cruikshanks now, so sorry to...

What does this mean?

What? I don't know,

it's just like you're super into
church and g*ns and Cornhole.

I'm like, "Who is this person?"
I'm surprised. That's all.

You're weirded out that I'm
getting along with your family?

Because before we got
here, you're so concerned

that we weren't gonna get along.

And now that we are,
you're pissed about it?

I admit, it does not make sense.

I'm being weird here.
It's fine. You're right.

[SIGHS]

You know, right there

is where I smoked my first
cigarette with my friends.

And then, right there

is where I immediately threw
up chili in front of my friends.

Look, I get it. You've got your
own history with your family,

but try to see them through my eyes
and you'll see how great they are.

Yeah. You're right, you're right.

And when we get back to the house,

just relax and try to
enjoy 'em like I do.

You're very smart. Thank you.

- You're the smartest person I know.
- I know.

I mean, your friends are all
idiots. Ruby can barely speak.

- Give me the Super Soaker.
- No, it's mine.

- No, Dad bought it for me.
- He bought it for both of us.

No, he didn't.

- [LAUGHING] Oh, my God! Look at you!
- [GUS] Oh, my God.

Why does this make me laugh so
much? This part right here...

[LAUGHING]

I'm just glad this is a video

before I hit puberty
and all hell broke loose.

Otherwise, you would have seen...

one big zit and a tiny little boner.

- [LAUGHS]
- I'm glad we have evidence of this.

We can show it in court for
what a jerk you used to be.

[KEN] I wasn't a jerk.
I called "no take backs."

You'd had your turn with it, Gus.

[WOMAN] Hello, Cruikshanks.
Roll out the red carpet!

Oh, my God. Lina-bean. How's it going?

Good. Hi.

- Hi, hi. Hello. Hi, Dad.
- Hello, my little girl.

Hello, good to see you.

Hello. Hi, good to see you.

Oh, we missed you.

- We missed you. [LAUGHS]
- Okay. Yeah, right.

Caroline, this is
Mickey. Mickey, Caroline.

Hi! I've heard so many
great things about you.

Oh, good. So everybody's been
getting the payoff money, then?

- [LAUGHING]
- Took care of it.

Oh, I see we pulled out a
family classic for our new guest.

But I was just thinking, since
you're both here in the flesh,

maybe we could, you know,
get a little bit of...

- Nope! No.
- [CAROLINE] Oh, my... Come on.

Wait a second. What is this?

Ever since they were little kids,

they put on a show. It's a great show.

Okay, it was cute, and
now it's just weird. So...

Grotesque is what it is.

Grotesque? I love
grotesque. Come on, Gus.

Come on. Come on. Come
on, please. Come on.

- Okay.
- What? Gus, you caved!

- I got the outfits, let me get 'em.
- Gus, I will help.

He's Gus! He caved!

- ["I'M SO EXCITED" PLAYING]
- ♪ I'm so excited ♪

♪ And I just can't hide it ♪

♪ I'm about to lose control ♪
♪ And I think I like it ♪

I think we're seeing a dress rehearsal.

♪ I'm so excited ♪

♪ And I just can't hide it ♪

♪ I'm about to lose control ♪
♪ And I think I like it ♪

- [BOTH] Whoo!
- [MUSIC STOPS]

- [SHOUTS]
- [DAD CHUCKLING]

- Bravo!
- [GUS] Thank you.

- When they were little, it was so cute.
- [DAD] It was like synchronized swimming.

It was still sad, but it
was like... cute sad Gus.

You all just watched us perform a song

about the joy of the female orgasm.

- So... congrats.
- [ALL CHEERING]

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I gotta go saw some logs.

- Good night, everybody.
- Yeah, I'm exhausted.

I'll grab Nina, make
sure she doesn't wake.

Actually, everybody, before you go,

we have a little bit of news
that we wanted to announce,

and I was gonna wait
for Andrew to get here,

but I don't want to...

- like, overshadow the party tomorrow, so...
- Just say it.

- We're having a baby boy.
- What?

[CLAMORING]

[CAROLINE] That's great!

[GUS] That's awesome. Congratulations.

A grandson, how about that?

- [CAROLINE] Thank you.
- You're gonna be busy!

Gus, they're lapping us.

I know. It's like pump the brakes,
guys. You're making us look bad.

Well, it doesn't have to be that
way. How about catching up a little?

Maybe we could expect
some grandchildren, Gussie?

[GUS] Oh... [CHUCKLES]

No, don't hold your breath. [LAUGHS]

What does that mean?

What? No, I just mean, like,

I don't even think we could handle
that. That's crazy. So crazy.

Why would you say that?

I mean, maybe in four
years or something.

Gus, you just stepped in it, bro.

[LAUGHING]

Stepped in it, I don't
think I might have...

- You feeling good and everything?
- Yeah, I feel good.

Good, you look really good.

[CHATTERING]

So, um, I'm setting my alarm for
nine. What time are you gonna get up?

Is it, like, you're
not talking to me, or...

"Don't hold your breath"?

For what?

No, that's what you said
to your mom and your dad.

"Don't hold your
breath"? That is so rude!

- Well, it was a joke.
- It was a mean and shitty joke.

Okay, maybe it was a bad joke,
but I didn't mean it, so...

- You said I shouldn't have children.
- In four years.

I said that because I
knew you would get upset.

- So I was like, "Well, in four years."
- Four years? What does that mean?

In four years...

we figure out if we're
having a kid or not. I just...

What? But why?

Why four years in this master plan
that you've concocted for my life?

You're making it sound like way
worse than what it actually is.

I just mean, like, in four
years we'll have a better...

- understanding of...
- Of?

Just say it. Will you just say it?

[SIGHS]

Your sobriety.

We'll know if you're
sober or not. I don't know.

[SIGHS]

So you don't think I'm
gonna be sober in four years.

And you don't want to
have children with me.

I didn't say that.

You told me that last week
you almost drank, okay?

So when I hear that, it
makes me scared about, like...

- "Okay, where's this going?"
- I get it.

"Is she gonna drink in a week,
two weeks or a year? I don't know."

How do you think sobriety works?

You think in four years I
couldn't fall off the wagon?

You think in ten years I
couldn't fall off the wagon?

You think in years I
couldn't fall off the wagon?

There are no guarantees.

All I can promise you is right now

- I am trying as hard as I f*cking can.
- Okay.

So it doesn't make me feel very
good that now you're backing away.

You can no longer see a future with me

because I told you I almost
but didn't drink last week.

- Mm-hmm.
- That was a really shitty moment for me.

But you know what?

I felt proud of myself after
that, 'cause I didn't drink.

And if you can't see that as a victory,

and now you're just nervous and scared,

"Oh, God, she's not the right
person to have a kid with,"

then what are we doing?
I can't look at you.

You are being such a d*ck right now.

You ask me to be honest all the
time and then when I'm honest...

If that's really how you feel...

then maybe we shouldn't be together.

What? Come on. I didn't...

You know, that's not what I...

Maybe we just shouldn't
be in a relationship then.

[GUS GROWLS]

You're really gonna do this

right now while we're
back at my parents' house?

You're gonna f*cking start
talking about breaking up?

You brought it up with your shitty joke.

I didn't bring up breaking
up. You brought that up.

No. But how you really feel about
me is grounds for breaking up.

Okay, come on. Let's
just... We're getting upset.

I think there's a lot of
pressure with families and stuff.

- Let's just relax, okay?
- No, I'm not relaxing.

Get out! I don't want to
sleep in the same bed as you.

I'll f*cking scream
if you don't get out.

Randy, I think we should break up.

[SNORING]

[SIGHS]

- f*ck!
- What the f*ck?

- What the f*ck?
- What?

I didn't know you were
here. I'm sorry, man.

- Yeah, I got in, like, minutes ago.
- Jesus.

Did you just fart?

- Yeah, you startled me. I just farted.
- Ugh.

- I'm sorry. Good to see you. I'm just...
- See you.

You don't have to do
that. It's not that bad.

♪ I'm not calling
for a reason, dear ♪

♪ And the reason is because ♪

♪ There is no reason
I should call you ♪

♪ Because your love, my
darling I have lost ♪

♪ You and I used ♪
♪ To love each other, dear ♪

♪ Do you remember way back then? ♪

♪ But now, somehow ♪
♪ Our love has lost its power ♪

♪ We'll never get it back again ♪

[SIGHS]

♪ I'm not completely
sure I'm sorry, darling ♪

♪ When I get angry,
then I'm glad ♪

♪ I'm happy that
it's finally over ♪

♪ But when I'm not
mad, then I'm sad ♪

♪ I've noticed that you ♪
♪ Never call me darling, darling ♪

♪ I understand the reason why ♪

♪ There is no reason ♪
♪ You should call me darling, darling ♪