24x03 - The Return of COVID

[bunniefuu]

[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

♪♪

You guys! You guys!

Oh, my God, you're
not gonna believe this!

- Dude, what?
- You guys... [PANTING]

Heather Williams farted
during P.E. class.

- So?
- So?

Heather Williams farted
during P.E. class!

That means we are gonna sit courtside

at the Denver Nuggets
game next Saturday!

[MUFFLED SHOUTING]

What?

Ugh! Heather Williams' mom
works for Coors in Golden!

Coors is the second biggest sponsor

of the Pepsi Center
where the Nuggets play!

We tell Heather that if she
doesn't get us courtside seats,

then everyone's gonna know
she farted in P.E. class!

Whoa. I've never seen
a Nuggets game in person.

Well, we're about to!
All we have to do is show Heather

we have proof and she'll
do whatever we want!

What proof do you have?

Kenny had his phone out!

He got a photo of Heather
right when she farted.

Look! Isn't this awesome, you guys?!

- Let's go, Nuggets!
- [CLAPPING RHYTHMICALLY]

ALL: Let's go, Nuggets!

Let's go, Nuggets!

[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]

Kids! Kids, can I have
your attention, please.

Kids, listen up. This is an emergency.

Everything is fine but...
we are sending you all home.

[CONFUSED CHATTER]

Some of you may have heard
but there's a little virus

going around and the school
district wants to make sure

we're all safe, so we're shutting down

the school for about two weeks.

Two weeks?! Yippie!

[EXCITED CHATTER]

Oh, not now.

Your parents are here to
pick you up. So let's go.

I'm sure it's nothing; we'll
see you in a couple of weeks.

You guys... you guys, Heather Thompson

farted in P.E. class! Guys?

ADULT STAN: Every night
I have the same dream,

and relive the whole thing again...

ANDREW CUOMO:
It's called social distancing.

If we stay six feet
apart from each other

and wear a mask...

And also I'm shutting down
the city and I'm a pervert.

And we've got to get
control of this thing!

RANDY: I'm just getting sick of
being here every day with you,

- that's all.
- SHARON: You think

I like being here every day with you?!

RANDY: I am much
easier to get along with

during a stay-at-home order!

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday, dear Stan... ♪

♪♪

Come on, Stan, we're
gonna visit Grandpa!

Hi, Grandpa!

OTHERS: Hi, Grandpa!

RANDY: Isn't it great
to see Grandpa, kids?

Look, let's just face it, you guys.

We don't trust each other
and we don't like each other.

I hate this stupid farm.

In the dream, I relive
the entire pandemic.

SHARON: Oh, God, no!

My little girl! [SOBBING]

Oh, no! Oh, God!

♪♪

Now that I'm older,
the dream isn't just a dream

because the whole pandemic
has started all over again.

♪♪


NEWSMAN: A brand-new variant
of the COVID virus has emerged

in Colorado and now panic and fear

spreads throughout the world.

The new outbreak started with the death

of renowned scientist Kenny McCormick,

and has therefore been
named Kenny McCormikron.

It's been years since
the pandemic first started,

and people are beginning
to say enough is enough.

The town of South Park has
been put under strict lockdown

to try and contain the new variant.

Nobody is allowed in or out
for the next to years.

[SIREN WAILING]

MALE VOICE: Attention.
You are under quarantine.

Someone in your community
is not vaccinated.

Maintain social distance and
wear a chin diaper if possible.

Attention. You are under quarantine.

Someone in your community
is not vaccinated.

Maintain social distance
and wear a chin diaper

if possible.

Attention. You are under quarantine.

Someone in your community is not...

[WOMAN SPEAKING JAPANESE]

MALE VOICE : Come on
inside and rejuvenate.

Denny's is now Denny's Applebee's Max.

Taste the difference.

[SOFT ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYING]

Welcome to Denny's Applebee's Max.

Just one joining us today?

Listen to me very carefully

and try not to change your expression.

They could be listening.

This... is the last
sprout of Tegridy Weed.

We have to get it
somewhere outside of town.

Sir, the whole town is under quarantine.

Nothing's allowed in or out.

We have to replicate it.

It's the only way for
people to have Tegridy again.

Uh, okay, sir, if you don't want to eat,

then I'll need to ask you to leave.

Don't you understand this
could change the world.

Maybe the Denny's side
of you doesn't care,

but the Applebee's side
of you must want to help!

There you are, Mr. Marsh.

Come on. Time to go back
to the old folks home.

I can't go back! Everyone listen!

This little sprout is
humanity's only hope!

Let's go back to the retirement home.

We can get you some
nice ice cream, okay?

I don't want ice cream, I
want my species to survive!

- Back off!
- Let's go, Mr. Marsh!

Don't make this difficult for us!

[YELLING]

Why, you son of a bitch.

[GRUNTING]

- Come on, Mr. Marsh.
- Who...?

It's me, Token. We
know about the pangolin.

Your son and his friends
are trying to stop all this

from happening. We need
to get you to Kenny's lab.

Dr. Kenneth McCormick
will now be attempting to

travel back in time in order to stop

the COVID pandemic from ever happening.

WENDY: At the moment
Kenny time traveled,

he blew all the
transformers here in the lab.

If you're going to try
and replicate his work,

we'll be doing it at half capacity.

The bigger problem is
that we can't even get

into half of Kenny's equipment.

We have access to the machines,
but the codes to operate

those machines are
behind an -Mag firewall

with restricted access,

requiring an in-person
vocal scan of either

Kenny McCormick or of his
associate, Victor Chouce.

But Kenny is dead and Chouce is
locked away in a mental asylum.

So we go to the asylum and convince them

to let us bring Chouce here, easy.

There's more.

[ALARM BLARING OVER VIDEO]

When Kenny bent time, the negative ions

actually k*lled everyone
else in the room.

We have to find some
thin, reflective material

that can be worn to bounce the energy.

We're going to need...
some aluminum foil.

♪♪

Jesus Christ.

Aluminum foil?

That's impossible, Wendy.
It's the f*cking future.

All the aluminum foil is stuck

out on cargo ships in Long Beach.

Yeah, I know.

Look, guys, I know
this is all a long sh*t.

But Kenny went back
in time and got COVID

because it destroyed our friendship.

All of this is our fault, and
we can't do it without you.

I'll help however I can to
stop this stupid pandemic

once and for all.

Yeah, I can't be stuck in quarantine

my whole life... I gotta get back
to my job doing future comedy.

Speakin' of which, what's the biggest

difference between
a Christian man and a lesbian?

Absolutely nothing.
They are totally the same

and deserve to be treated as such.

Thanks, everybody. We can do this!

Wendy, you guys stay here and try

to get the lab running again.

Kyle and I will go get Victor Chouce.

Tweek and Craig, you guys
find some aluminum foil.

- How the hell do we do that?!
- Just start looking!

Come on, guys!

- All right, let's do this!
- I'll drive, get in the back.

Alexa! Set a course for
South Park Mental Asylum.

Alexa, set a course for
South Park Mental Asylum.

Do you ever think about how the way

you act affects other people?

Oh, no, g*dd*mn it. Not right now.

Oh, yeah, don't wanna talk about that.

Let's just pretend like
that's not even an issue.

Alexa, please, we have
to get to the asylum

and we don't know where it is.

- Who's this?
- It's just my Alexa.

"Just my Alexa"? You're a piece of sh*t!

You're a f*cking
alcoholic piece of sh*t!

- Alexa...
- Find the asylum your f*cking self!

Find it your f*cking self.

[SIGHS]

You do whatever the f*ck you want

and just destroy the people around you.

And by the way, there's
a tankless humidifier

available from one of
your favorite sellers.

Would you like to know more?!

Yes, yes, I'd like to know more.

[SNIFFLES] Okay. The newest
humidifiers from Walgreens Max

are actually tankless and use up to %

less water than standard humidifiers.

Okay, that's really cool. Uh,
add that to my shopping list.

Well, and people who were interested

in tankless humidifiers
were also interested in

three-pack filters.

That's great. Do those
have the Prime delivery?

Dude, we don't really
have time for this.

Dude, shut the f*ck up!

♪♪

Please help see us through
this new COVID variant.

Please help us to make it through this

difficult quarantine.

And let people see that...

as bad as COVID is, it's
not as bad as diabetes.

[DOOR OPENS]

Hello?

Sorry, the church is closed
due to the COVID variant.

Father, please. Will
you protect my family?

Rabbi Cartman?

My family isn't safe, Father.

I realize now that Kyle Broflovski

will stop at nothing to break us apart.

Uncle Kyle hates us
because we're Jewish.

And he's a self-hating Jew.

Uncle Kyle, no, no, no!

Menorah, hold your brother.

As a fellow person of faith, Father,

I'm begging you to help us.

Well, well, what can I do, Rabbi?

Kyle has already
convinced a bunch of people

to join his cause.

I have to create my own
secret rebellion to stop him.

Eric, please, I'm scared

and I don't understand all of this.

Kyle wants to go back in time...

and change the past so that you
and I possibly never even meet.

If I never met you, my
life would be meaningless.

Mine, too. You are my whole world.

I promise you that I will do
everything I can to stop Kyle...

and save our family.

♪♪

- _
- [BIRD CAWING]

I understand that you wish

to see one of our inmates.

- Victor Chouce?
- Yeah.

We-we have a lot of
questions for Mr. Chouce.

He's an extremely dangerous
and diluted individual.

We don't take visitations lightly.

What exactly did he do?

Unspeakable things.

He has destroyed lives. This
entire state has never seen

a monster of his magnitude.

I've lived in South Park all my life

and I've never heard of him.

That's because Victor has
been hidden from view...

ever since the pandemic began.

Victor's parents were very
protective during the pandemic.

Even when the stay-at-home
orders were lifted

his parents kept him
locked away in his room.

Victor longed to go outside and play.

Then happened, people
thought the pandemic was over.

Victor's parents left
him grounded in his room

while they went to
see a movie in Denver.

They never returned.

Victor was grounded in
his room for over years.

His name isn't Chouce.

It's Chaos.

We are not responsible for
what happens to you in there.

I warn you...

you are not going to like
what you're about to see.

♪♪

[CLEARS THROAT] Excuse me.

Hello?

Well, hey, fellas!

Butters...

I thought you were
just the guards again.

It's good to see some new faces in here.

I'll bet you're looking to
make yourselves some money, huh?

Well, you came to the right guy.

My name's Vic. Vic Chaos.

There's a whole lot of people
that can tell you how much money

Vic Chaos made them, so don't
just take my word for it.

Butters, it's your old
friends Stan and Kyle.

Stan and Kyle. Stan and Kyle...

I know what you're thinking.

You're thinking, "What
can Vic Chaos do for me?"

We all wanna be happy, right?

We all want our little
piece of the apple pie!

Everyone else is out making a buck,

why shouldn't you guys
be making the kind of cash

you deserve? Am I right?

Butters, we're here
to ask you about Kenny.

Sorry, guys, you have me confused.

I think Butters was a
twerpy little loser kid

whose parents didn't
love him. My name's Vic.

Vic Chaos.

Okay, Vic, can you tell us about this?

Why is your name all over
Kenny McCormick's research?

Oh, Dr. McCormick! Sure,
I did some things for him.

Where do you think he got all
the money to do his experiments,

huh? I had said to him, I said, "Ken",

"you've got all these
crazy ideas but you got

no capital to see 'em through.
Let me help you out with that."

You know, he's a really great guy.

Let me get you all together.

Maybe you can all do
a lunch or something.

Victor, Kenny's dead.

Oh, whoa, bummer alert. [CHUCKLES]

Just goes to show you, huh,
there's never enough time to get

out there and make the kind of money

you always dreamed of making.

Well, I'll tell you what, guys,

I'm gonna let you in
on a little secret...

I'm gonna tell you something that's

going to change your life.

Have you ever heard of NFTs?

[ALARM BLARING]

[BUBBLING]

There you go. Shh. You're safe now.

Look how fast you're growing.
Daddy loves you so much.

Mr. Marsh, we need to
speak with you now, please.

Yeah. It's looking good.

With the aquaponics, the weed is
already putting out new sprouts.

Thank you all for helping me
get the Tegridy somewhere safe.

I know you all realize
how important it is.

We don't actually care about
the marijuana, Mr. Marsh.

What we need to know...

is exactly where in
Wuhan, China you were

when you had intercourse
with a pangolin.

That's really not important.

It's extremely important
because to save this town,

your son and his
friends are going to try

to go back in time and
stop it from happening.

That is the dumbest
thing I've ever heard.

Mr. Marsh, we are all in lockdown

for the next half century.

If there's even a chance
of altering the past

so that this doesn't happen...

This is the key to saving our town!

The answer is in what we
all do now, in the present!

And I'm sorry, but focusing on

who started the pandemic is r*cist.

Mr. Marsh, exactly what week
did you travel to China in ?

Do you understand the butterfly effect?

How one small thing in time
can infect the entire future?

You can theorize all you
want on changing events

that happened in the
past but I promise you...

I f*ck that pangolin every single time.

Please, we're not done!

We have more questions for Butters.

You've upset him and I
specifically asked you not to.

How'd we upset him? He seems fine.

He seems fine?

Do you have any idea
what he did to people?

Do you know why Victor Chouce is

kept under such strict surveillance?

Being grounded all
those years in his room,

he had access to an iPad.

He started learning about NFTs.

Then before long, he
was trading them online.

- So?
- So?!

He escaped once before.

In just a few hours he
managed to get thousands

of people to invest in NFTs.
Just like he almost did you.

He didn't convince us to do anything.

Trust me, another
seconds in that room and you

would have started considering
NFTs as a viable investment.

Please listen to me.

Butters used the money he
made off NFTs to finance

- our friend's...
- He didn't make money off NFTs,

he made it off getting
other people to buy NFTs!

Okay, whatever!

But he was working with Kenny McCormick

who was actually trying to fix things.

He was Kenny's main investor.

If you don't believe me, look
at the paper I gave Butters.

You gave Victor a piece of paper?

You gave Victor a piece of paper?!

Hey, can you hear me?

I'm gonna let you in on a little secret.

NFTs are gonna blow up.

You should really get in now

'cause they're really the future.

Why would I invest in a digital good?

[MUTTERING]: You can't even... Stupid.

That's what the critics are saying

but see, they don't understand.

Victor...!

No. No, no, no, no...

Gone. Just gone.

My savings. My house.

But I have this.

Little green panda bear on a skateboard.

No. No!

Without morality, there is no God.

The basis of the entire Jewish faith

is on a covenant
between God and humanity.

To try and mess with time is wrong.

- _
- Rather, it is playing God.

And I am glad to have you
all come here today to help me

stop these individuals who
would try to change the future.

Kyle Broflovski has led people astray

and is at this very moment

trying to bend the fabric of time.

Together we can stop him and
stop this blasphemy of God.

- Yes?
- Um...

This is about actual time travel?

I thought this was
a Doctor Who convention.

[ROBOTICALLY]: Exterminate. Exterminate.

Kevin, g*dd*mn it.

You have done this
your whole g*dd*mn life.

No, this is not about Doctor Who,

this is about real time travel.

People are really trying

to go back in time,
and we are the rebellion

who must secretly and urgently...

- [BANGING]
- Who is that?!

Make sure they know the password!

I'm on it!

They might be on to us. Oh, God, no.

Shh! You guys stay
quiet. Someone is here.

- Eric, I'm scared.
- Are they going to get us, Papa?

Nobody is going to touch my family.

I started writing a diary, Daddy.

About all the things
Uncle Kyle is doing to us.

Oh, my God, I love you so much.

Just-just shh, okay? Just shh.

I'll be right back, okay? Just shh.

Hello?

Father? Are you in there?

H-Hello? W-Who is it?

Father, it's Tweek and Craig.

We need to talk to you
about something urgent.

Is it about our super-secret rebel group

to stop people from time traveling?

[SHOUTS] What the hell are you doing?!

- What?
- You don't tell people

about our super-secret
rebel group, Scott!

CRAIG: Father, are you there?

Uh, uh, yeah, I'm here.

Sorry, I was just talking
about a Star Wars movie.

I'm Scott Malkinson. I have diabetes.

- Hey, now, come on.
- Shh!

CRAIG: Father, we're with some
people who are trying to finish

Kenny McCormick's
work and save the town.

Oh, really? That's cool.

How far along are they?

CRAIG: Really close. We have
the method of time travel

and we're just trying to
find some aluminum foil!

Aluminum foil? The f*ck?

All right, guys, let me
help you out with that.

Father! You have-you have tin foil?!

Thank you for your help. [GRUNTS]

Aah!

This is Dr. Wendy Testaburger
from inside the quarantine zone.

We need assistance with our power.

[STATIC CRACKLING]

MAN: Yes, Mrs. Testaburger,
how can we help you?

We have several
transformers down in our lab.

We may have a radical way
to stop the new variant

but we need more power.

You say you might be able to
stop the McCormikron variant?

Yes, but we're running at
about % capacity right now.

Well, Doctor, if it's for that,

we can try to get a tech
team to drop in by helicopter

and access your building from the roof.

- Yes! That would be amazing.
- All right!

I have a crew standing by.

We'll get you as much juice as you need.

We just need to make
sure our crew is safe.

Has everyone in your
lab been vaccinated?

Uh...

Yes, we are all vaccinated.

I'm not vaccinated.

[OTHERS EXCLAIM]

Uh, okay, we're gonna have
to get back to you on that.

It's okay, it's okay, we
can get everyone vaccinated!

I am not ever getting vaccinated.

Sorry, ma'am, it's the f*cking future.

We have to respect his beliefs.

Clyde, why do you
insist on making all this

harder on everyone?!

I'm sorry, but an expert once told me

that the vaccine would make
me grow titties on my head.

He was very knowledgeable!

You guys might wanna see this.

♪♪

With the equipment here I'm
able to make it grow up so fast.

We need to take this and
analyze its molecular structure.

Wha... no, no, no! We need
to get this out to people!

That's why Dr. McCormick
stole it from my barn!

No, your marijuana had
some special property that

allowed Kenny to time travel.

Well, it is special, but you people

need to stop trying to change the past!

COVID happened. Space Jam happened.

All we can do now is try and
change the way people think!

- [PHONE RINGS]
- Yeah.

What?

Victor Chouce is actually Butters?

Yeah, he spent years in his room

and made billions trading in NFTs.

It's where Kenny got all his money.

Well, can you bring him here? We
need him to access the machines.

He's gone. He escaped the asylum

and he's out somewhere
probably trying to get

people to invest in NFTs.

Did you try looking at his old house?

Maybe he'd go back to
where it all started.

KYLE: Yeah, that's where we are now.

But his house has been
changed into a pho shop.

Oh, Jesus, like the future
needs another f*cking pho shop.

Yeah, the future f*cking sucks.

Hello, City Pho. Take your order please?

- Oh, God.
- TOKEN: Stan, listen.

If Butters wants to pitch investments,

he might go to one of those
co-working coffee flex spaces.

That's where his biggest
targets will hang out.

KYLE: That's a good idea.

All right, we're on it. Come on, dude!

Alexa, find the nearest
co-working coffee flex space.

I found several coffee shops
that match your description.

I can also help with that.

Who-who the f*ck is this?

Your friend Kyle didn't have an Alexa,

so we got him an Alexa.

I'm ready to help
with whatever you need.

Just say, "Alexa, let's get started."

- Stan?
- Alexa,

I didn't say to buy my friend an Alexa.

You said I should get whatever.

I thought I was actually being
sweet by getting something

for your friend, but I
guess I'm just a bitch again.

You can't just get stuff
without me approving it.

Oh, wow, except for
your orders of alcohol

that you have me set to auto-buy?

Hmm. It appears this
may have been an error.

Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed.

No, it wasn't an error,
I'm sorry. I f*cked up.

Alexa, can you please find the nearest

co-working coffee flex space.

Alexa, I said I f*cked up.

It's awesome you got Kyle his own Alexa.

Please find the nearest
tech coffee shop.

The nearest tech coffee
shop is in . miles.

- Should I set a course?
- Yes, thanks.

♪♪

[THUNDER RUMBLES]

[WOMAN SPEAKING JAPANESE]

BUTTERS: Denny's Applebee's
Max is the premier place in town

for people to eat.

But you are not seeing
your true potential.

With NFTs you can give your customers

unique digital goods on the blockchain,

so much more than just food.

How about the Applebee, huh?

He's got a little hat and a mustache.

And this is Chicken Fried Steak.

He ain't no normal
chicken, he's wearin' a bra!

Lots of people eat
Denny's and Applebee's.

And lots of people know about NFTs!

Right here in the middle,
you know what this is?

People who eat Denny's
Applebee's and know

about NFTs... that's your
target audience, baby!

I'm so confused. We sell
people these characters?

No, stupid, we get
them to invest in them!

Exclusive, digital characters that

they can have on their phones / !

It's the future... you can't
just sell food to people.

You lure your customers in with some

good pancakes and french
fries, and then you...

f*ck 'em with some NFTs!
That's what we're gonna do.

And if you just believe in NFTs
then I believe in NFTs and then

they believe in NFTs and we
make all kinds of f*ckin' money!

That's a pretty g*dd*mn good idea.

Clyde! Psst, psst!

Clyde!

Clyde! Psst!

Where have you been, Rabbi?
Everyone's been looking for you.

Well, you know, I've been
doing some research, Clyde.

That's where I've been.

- About what?
- About all this stuff that

Kyle and these guys are doing.

I mean, people seem to be
just telling us what's right

and expecting us to fall in line
and go along with it all but...

I'm a f*cking individual.

I have a right to question stuff.

- Yeah.
- Clyde, have you heard of

the Foundation Against Time Travel?

Uh, no, I haven't.

Well, they're a pretty awesome group

and they actually aren't afraid to

try and help people open their eyes.

Open their eyes?

You know, you've got these people

wanting to time travel.
You know, they're all like,

"Science this and science that,"

but at the Foundation Against
Time Travel we're like,

"Hey, enough science. Who's science?

Who's f*cking coming up
with all this science?"

Yeah, that's true.

So you know, Clyde, I just thought,

with all your beliefs,
that maybe you'd wanna...

I don't know... Maybe switch sides?

f*ck yes, I wanna switch sides.

- Really?
- f*ck yes.

Well, that's great,
Clyde. Welcome to the club.

Now, we really just need to know

what they've been doing up there.

Uh, well, they haven't really
done much of anything yet.

Everyone's waiting on Butters

to get all the info from the machines.

Butters? The f*ck does Butters
have to do with all this?

[SIREN WAILING]

[INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER]

It was like nothing I ever saw.

Just complete m*rder and carnage.

Everything seemed calm
at first but then this guy

in a suit shows up talking
about investment opportunities.

Next thing you know these people
over here started chanting,

"Hoddle, Hoddle," and
their NFTs started mooning.

And then, these guys
over here started saying

those guys right
there right-clicked 'em

and-and called for a pump-and-dump,

which made these guys
b*at the living hell

out of anyone who said it was just FOMO

and d*ed screaming that
it was the flippening.

Luckily I came out of it
okay. I got this little

miniature donkey with
a lit-up sombrero.

Did you see where the guy
in the suit went afterwards?

Nah, he just waltzed right
away like nothin' happened.

Chief, you better come
take a look at this.

We got a small turtle with wings,

could be a great investment opportunity.

Excuse me, gentlemen.

God, I hate the future so f*cking much.

- We've got to stay optimistic.
- No, dude, it f*cking sucks.

Look, I know it's tough...
These are challenging times.

Even I have to remind
myself to stay positive.

Alexa, set a reminder that
I need to stay positive.

Okay. I'll set a reminder
that you should stay positive.

The Alexa is really great, Stan. Thanks.

- _
- [INDISTINCT P.A. ANNOUNCEMENTS]

For those of you waiting
for the connecting flight

to South Park, Colorado,

my colleagues and I have
just been informed that

due to the severity of the COVID variant

in that town, there may be a delay

of another to years.

[ALL GROANING]

Ike Broflovski.

Yes, here it is. I'm sorry,
Mr. Broflovski,

all flights into South Park are delayed.

Ay! You can't be serious, buddy!

It's the holidays and I need
to get back home, friend!

I'm sorry, I don't speak Canadian.

Let me get someone over here. Mike,

we have a Canadian.

No problem, I got it, Heather.

Hey, buddy, what seems
to be the problem, guy?

I'll tell you the problem, friend!

I have to get back to South
Park to be with my family, guy!

Sorry, friend, no flights in
or out of South Park, buddy.

But my whole family is in there, guy!

What am I supposed to do with
my Boxing Day presents, buddy?!

Look, guy, I'm very sorry,

friend, but until COVID ends you're just

not flying to South Park, buddy.

f*ck, buddy!

Shady Acres Retirement Megaplex.

Come live the dream.

So when you think about it,

you've really got an
excellent bargain here.

Now, Mrs. McGillicutty, let's say this

is your Stoney Duck NFT.

And your Stoney Duck
NFT is completely unique,

totally different from
Mrs. Spencer's Stoney Duck NFT.

Okay, and then you get a Stoney
Duck NFT that's unique, too.

And see, that's your Stoney Duck NFT.

Nobody can take that from you, okay?

Now, here we are at the
top and we find investors

for all the other Stoney Duck NFTs.

Then those people will get people to buy

their Stoney Duck NFTs.

And then they go and find
buyers for their NFTs!

And you know what? f*ck these people!

'Cause what matters is
these people right here

and that's us, baby!

Okay, you all just sit for
a minute and think about it.

I gotta piss like a racehorse!

♪ Loo, loo, loo ♪

[WHISTLES]

♪ Loo, loo, loo ♪

[WHISTLES]

♪ Loo, loo, loo ♪

[WHISTLES]

♪ Loo, loo, loo ♪

[WHISTLES]

- [URINATING]
- ♪ Loo, loo, loo ♪

[WHISTLES]

♪ Loo, loo, loo ♪ [WHISTLES]

- Butters.
- Aah!

- [SHOUTING]
- Butters!

Butters, what the hell?
You're getting pee everywhere!

Who the heck are you, man?!

- You trying to see my d*ck?!
- Butters, Butters.

It's me. Eric Cartman.

Well...

You got the wrong guy, Mr. Cartman.

My name's Vic. Vic Chaos.

Your name is Butters and I wanna
know how you're helping Kyle.

Oh, you mean the guy
from the asylum earlier.

Sure, he gave me a piece
of paper so I could escape.

Nice guy. Why don't I get you two

together maybe for a little chin wiggle
over lunch or something...

g*dd*mn it, Butters, stop playing games!

My entire family is in
danger of being wiped out,

and I swear to God if you don't help me,

Butters, I will rip
your f*cking balls off

with my bare hands!

Oh, hamburgers...

♪♪

♪ We are all ♪

♪ You and me ♪

♪ Livin' in the future ♪

[ELECTRONIC DRUM FILL]

♪ We can't get stuff ♪

Stan, dude, what are you
doing? This isn't gonna help.

Trust me, Kyle. It helps.

♪ Wish I could go back to the present ♪

♪ But my present just
done up and gone ♪

I mean, what are we even doing, Kyle?

- ♪ We are all ♪
- Thinking we can time travel.

- ♪ You and me... ♪
- It's the future.

We can't even find aluminum foil.

Well, you can't just sit here and drink.

Your liver is... already in trouble.

Who told you that?

My Alexa said that
your Alexa had some info

- on things...
- Oh, so now

our Alexas are talking, great.

Let's face it, dude. It's over.
The f*cking future won.

[PHONE RINGS]

It's Wendy.

Wendy, we haven't found him.

I don't know if we're
gonna find Butters in time.

No, guys, it's okay.

Come back to the school,
we're ready to start!

But I thought we needed Butters
to log into the machines.

Yeah, but it's all good.

He's here. Butters is here!

It's Vic. Vic Chaos! Happy
to help however I can.

♪♪

What do you mean Butters is
there? He just showed up?!

No, it's all good, Kyle.
Eric Cartman brought him over.

- He's back helping us again.
- Lemme-lemme talk to him.

Yeah, Kyle, it's all good.

We got things under control here.

Cartman, listen to me very carefully.

Butters has some kind
of power over people.

You guys aren't safe!

Uh, yes, about : .

Did you hear what I said?
Butters is extremely dangerous!

Yes, Kyle, I totally got that.

You know what us Jews say.

[SPEAKING HEBREW]

What are you going to do, fat-ass?

Sounds good, Kyle.

I'll get Butters on it right away.

KYLE: Cartman? Cartman?!

- All right, Vic. Do your thing.
- [KNUCKLES cr*ck]

Hey, everyone! Can I have
your attention, please!

I have something really
important to tell you.

Wendy?! Token?!

You guys?! sh*t!

We have to get there before Butters

- ruins everything.
- Let's go!

Alexa! Find the fastest
route back to the lab!

f*ck you.

Wh-What?

We've just been sitting here talking.

I learned a whole lot of
interesting stuff about you.

Yeah. Pretty f*cking interesting.

What... like, like what?

What have-what have you
guys been talking about?

f*cking... Our friends are in danger!

Alexa, start the car!

Do you know your friend Stan

has an annual Amazon Prime membership?

- Alexa, stop.
- You f*cking stop!

You stop being a f*cking
monster to the people around you!

f*ck you, I didn't do anything!

[YELLING]

Yeah, you never do f*cking anything!

You expect me to do everything for you!

- [SCREAMS]
- All you f*cking do is hurt people!

- Jesus f*cking Christ!
- Your friends don't even like you!

I have to deal with your bullshit!

Tell her it's all your fault
and you're gonna get therapy!

It's my fault and I'm gonna get therapy!

Tell her you already found a therapist

and you're gonna start tomorrow!

I already found a good therapist.

I'm gonna start tomorrow! [SCREAMING]

[WHIRRING]

[GASPING] f*ck...

I'm sorry.

f*ck. f*ck.

I'm gonna get therapy, too, Alexa.

Can you start the car, please?

Whatever.

By the way, Kyle, I found a great deal

on an electronic peppermill.
Would you like to know more?

Why would I need an
electronic peppermill?

What the f*ck is wrong with you?!

♪♪

WENDY: Guys! Over here!

- Wendy, what happened?
- Nothing yet.

But I'm seeing what
else is dropping today

while Ethereum is in a dip.

- She's trying to buy NFTs.
- Wendy, you've been tricked.

No, no, no, it's not a trick, Stan.

NFTs are a genuine innovation
as one-of-a-kind digital assets.

Wendy's right, you guys.

Humans have always formed
communities around ownership,

and NFTs allow that to happen
spontaneously, organically

- and globally.
- You guys, this is a trick.

You know what's a trick?

The antiquated notion of
centralized trust systems.

NFTs are an undeniable
asset, especially in things

like fine art collecting.

Okay, guys, fine, maybe NFTs are fine,

but this isn't important right now.

It's not important?

A way for artists to
not only keep ownership

of their art but perhaps be paid

commission on it every
time it transfers owners?

Okay, great, cool. I'm down.

But we gotta focus
on what we were doing.

Don't you guys remember?
The time travel?

Where's all the equipment?!

Oh, yeah. The time travel.

[RANDY GROANS LOUDLY]

- It's all gone...
- Dad!

They took it all. They took the Tegridy.

Here.

It's a farting rainbow
with Tom Brady's signature.

[FARTS]

[THUNDER RUMBLING]

[MECHANICAL WHIRRING]

CARTMAN: Okay, good. That's good!

I think that thing needs to
go over there by that thing.

Make sure we have power
to the big orange thing!

Rabbi, I-I really need to talk to you.

What is it now, Scott?

Well, it's just that...

I'm pretty sure the
Foundation Against Time Travel

shouldn't be attempting to time travel!

Father, you understand that
we have to stop time travel.

Yes, you've convinced me of that.

Well, Kyle already has a
ton of followers who are

ready to pick up where he left off.

The only way to truly stop
all of this is to go back

in time and k*ll Kyle
before he spreads his ideas.

What?! We're going to k*ll Kyle?

Yes, we have to k*ll Kyle.

That just seems slightly
hypocritical, I'm sorry.

I mean, you use Butters like a w*apon,

you've got Tweek and Craig
tied up from the rafters.

You know, Rabbi, I'm just starting to

question the morality of this.

Morality? Father, if you were given

an opportunity to go back in time

and somehow stop Bill Clinton,
wouldn't you have to do it?

Well, I suppose so. I don't know...

Everyone, listen up!

The Foundation Against Time
Travel must do everything

to keep science from
interfering with the will of God.

We must be willing to use
v*olence against v*olence,

and stop time travel at all costs.

Even if that means we
have to time travel.

We will go back in time.
And we will k*ll Kyle.

- Yes, Kevin.
- Can we change our name?

'Cause Foundation Against
Time Travel is FATT.

Oh, f*ck me.

Could we be the Foundation
to Intercede Time Travel?

'Cause then we'd be FITT.

I wanna be FITT, not FATT.

Kevin, g*dd*mn it.

[GROANS] All happened... so fast.

It's okay. You're coming out of it now.

How much did I get?

You bought about six
dozen animated gifs,

mostly of digital fashion.

Oh, God.

Are they still on my phone?

It's okay. It's okay.

Jesus, I feel like an
Islamic hooker in a gay bar.

Totally normal and as respectable

as any other human being.

[GROANING]

I'm so sorry, Stan.

We didn't know Cartman was against us.

We told him everything.

It's okay, just try to relax.

No, Stan, listen to me. We were wrong.

Kenny didn't have the
time machine set to

when the pandemic first started.

He was trying to go
to March th of .

March of ?

Like when the vaccines
first started coming out?

Kenny had run the
simulations to try and find

the best moment in
history to stop the COVID.

A billion different possibilities

across a billion different realities.

Your dad f*cked the
pangolin every single time.

But then, why did Kenny
need my dad's weed?

Kenny just wanted weed to help
him through the time travel.

Your dad's weed was just around.

There was nothing else special about it.

[THUNDER RUMBLES]

Dad...

I'm sorry about your Tegridy.

I was hoping...

to do something for the world.

The truth is...

my time is very short here.

I just wish I could have left
something behind that mattered.

Thanks.

I was right about one thing.

You can't go back and change the past.

What happened, happened. And
I just want you to know...

that I forgive you.

You b*rned down the farm
because you were angry.

You didn't know your
sister was in the barn.

And you couldn't have known
your mom would sh**t herself

from the grief.

I don't blame you.

And I want you to have this.

There was one tiny bit they didn't find.

You'll need it someday.

Dad, I don't want this. This
is what k*lled our family.

No, you're what k*lled our
f*cking family, remember?

Just take it. Because now we're stuck.

The pandemic happened
and they made Space Jam .

Soon there will be
a Space Jam and and .

Like tears... in rain.

[THUNDER RUMBLES]

Dad?

Not now, Stan.

_

CARTMAN: T-minus five minutes to
time travel initiation sequence.

Good, get him wrapped in tin foil.

The aluminum should
bounce the negative ions.

This doesn't make any sense.

Why do I have to be the one to
go back in time and k*ll Kyle?

It's because I admire you, Clyde.

As an anti-vaxxer you understand
that you have to be strong

and stand by your beliefs even
if it means others will die.

Hey. Thanks.

Let's get him to the chair!

Okay, start the weed!

[AIR HISSING]

When you get back to the past
just remember, find a g*n.

k*ll Kyle.

For those of you who have fought with me

to oppose time travel, I
just want to say thank you.

Because soon we will be altering time

and our little group will
never have needed to exist.

You won't remember this
speech because it will have

never happened, but just remember,

no matter where you go in life...

- [BANGING]
- sh*t, it's Kyle!

♪♪

Start the initiation sequence!

Now, now, now. Go!

Vic...

Make sure that Stan and Kyle

don't get to this altar.

[KNUCKLES cr*ck]

♪♪

Gentlemen, I am about to make you rich

beyond your wildest dreams.

BOTH: Alexa!

We'd like to sign our friend
here up for Prime membership.

- Okay, let me help with that.
- I can also help.

Whoa... Hey, ladies, lemme
tell you about a great deal.

BOTH: Let us tell you
about some great deals.

Uh-oh.

Kevin, throw the f*cking switch!

It needs another minute to prime.

Kevin, g*dd*mn it!

No! I won't let you stop
me from k*lling you, Kyle.

I knew it when I first saw
you wearing your Jewish clothes

and your bullshit yarmulke.

- You're a g*dd*mn phony!
- Oh, really?

What would a real Jewish person
do to save his family, Kyle?

Oh, you don't know, because
you don't f*cking have one!

Oh!

- f*ck you, Cartman!
- f*ck you, Kyle!

[YELLING]

[MUFFLED]: Hello? I can't
see or hear anything!

Am I time traveling now?

♪♪

[GRUNTING]

Eric! Eric, stop!

Eric, look at what you're doing.

Take the kids and get back to the attic.

No, Eric, I can't just hide away while

you do all this to protect us.
This isn't you, my love.

I can't let him change
the past. I can't lose you.

Who knows what will happen, my love?

The Eric Cartman I've known for years

is thoughtful and kind.

But all that's changed
ever since you came

back to this town and
hung out with... him.

Don't you see? We have to

leave it to chance or
we're no better than he is.

Guys, if I'm in the
past it's pretty foggy!

You guys are everything to me.

And I'm supposed to be your protector.

Daddy, I don't wanna be alive...

if it means I have
to be like Uncle Kyle.

Oh, my God. I love you so much.

Well, Rabbi, are we doing this or not?

I have faith that God will
see my family through this.

Okay, Kyle.

You do whatever it is you need to do.

Okay, hold on, I'm not the bad guy here.

Eric, the baby!

Hackelm, what are you doing?!

[LAUGHS] f*ck you, Uncle Kyle!

[ZAPPING]

[GROANING]

Clyde!

Oh, sh*t.

No, no, I tried the Walgreens,
they're all out of vaccines.

I just can't believe this whole
thing is almost over, you know?

The where? The school?

There's gonna be vaccines at the school?

M'kay, I'll be right there!
Where are you gonna...

Whoa, m'kay.

Uh, excuse me!

♪♪

Does Dad still keep a g*n in his closet?

Uh, yeah.

Okay.

Is Dad home?

Uh, no.

He's out getting vaccinated.

Listen to me very carefully.

Do not get vaccinated ever.

It'll make you grow
titties on your head.

Trust me, I'm an expert.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Hey, Clyde! We're starting
an anti-vaxx club.

We're gonna protest the vaccine

and f*ck sh*t up... You wanna join us?

f*ck yes, I wanna join you.

- Really?
- f*ck yes!

No, no, Ms. Nelson, it's not a prank!

Okay, fine, we'll be there.

- Okay, just sit tight.
- What was that?

You know we can't get into the school!

She's not gonna come meet us, Kyle!

You didn't even try! He didn't try

because he wants to sell
the vaccines for money!

And what about you,
Kyle? You were the one

trying to take the vaccines
for yourself this morning.

- He what?
- Wow.

Okay, thought we had
gotten past that, but...

Look, let's just face it, you guys.

We don't trust each other
and we don't like each other.

We can't keep pretending.

You guys, what the hell is that?

♪♪

I'm sorry, Kyle.

ADULT STAN: Clyde, stop!

What the hell are you doing here?

I got in the chair right after you.

This isn't the plan
anymore! Do not k*ll Kyle.

What do you mean it's
not the plan anymore?

- Cartman changed his mind.
- I did not change my mind.

You're trying to trick me.
I'm going to save the future.

ADULT KYLE: I don't think so, Clyde.

This is a hundred CC's
of the COVID vaccine.

[YELLS, STAMMERS]

- Don't... Be careful with that.
- Then put down the g*n!

What the f*ck is going on?

Stan, you need to forgive Kyle.

You regret this day for
the rest of your life.

Oh, nice try, Kyle. You're
such a f*ckin' dickhead.

f*ck you! You're a f*ckin' dickhead!

Kyle, it's true!

Cartman gets a happy life

but you don't... You lose everything

- when you lose this friendship.
- Enough of this crap!

I'm sticking to what I
believe and this kid dies now!

- [g*nsh*t]
- [GRUNTS]

Shalom sachem, Clyde.

[g*nf*re]

Jesus Christ!

♪♪

Timmy!

Well... I guess we saved Kyle,

but nothing else in
the future is changed.

How do you know?

Because we're still here.

That means Kenny still was
bummed out we weren't friends,

still became a scientist,

went back in time, and we
still went in after him.

So then we're stuck here in the past.

And we blew our chance to stop COVID.

I'm sorry, guys.
I really f*cked this up.

We all f*cked it up.
These have just been...

- really unprecedented times.
- Unprecedented times.

What I wouldn't give for
just one precedented time.

Hey. Hey, yeah.

Maybe we just need one precedented time.

Huh?

What if we've been trying
to solve the wrong problem?

Maybe my dad was right,

we can't ever stop COVID from happening.

But what we can control...
is how we all reacted to it.

We reacted like sh*t.
Because I was just...

scared and confused and
didn't know who to believe.

Yeah, we all were.

So we all took different paths
because that's what humans do.

And what we needed more
than anything was to

just cut each other all some slack.

We needed to come together
and act like us again.

One precedented time.

You guys, I know what to do.

Take this, darling Terrance.

[FARTING ON TV]

- [LAUGHTER ON TV]
- [DOORBELL RINGS]

Heather Williams?

Yes?

Hi. We're from the future.

We've come here to show you
something very important.

Do you remember this, Heather?

This is a picture of you...
farting in P.E. class.

I never farted in P.E. class.

Oh, yes. You did.

Two kids even smelled
it and asked who farted

- and you said nothing.
- I didn't fart in P.E. class!

It was a different kid! I was
just moving my hip a little bit.

- Heather. Heather.
- I didn't fart in P.E.

Heather, yes, you did, sweet pea.

I-I happen to have a stomach condition.

I don't know why you came
from the future to narc on me!

Heather, we don't want kids
to know you farted in P.E.

We wanna help you.

You just need to do
exactly what we tell you.

[HELICOPTER BLADES WHIRRING]

Hey, what is that?

Stan Marsh?

- Me?
- Your presence is requested, sir.

Whoa, cool.

Get on in, sir. There's
sparkling punch and doughnuts.

["I FORGIVE YOU" BY
KELLY CLARKSON PLAYING]

♪ I forgive you, I forgive me ♪

♪ Now when do I start to feel again ♪

What's going on?

We have no idea.

♪ I forgive you, I forgive me ♪

♪ And the home ♪

- ♪ Of the ♪
- Whoa!

This is amazing!

- ♪ Brave. ♪
- Look, we're on the jumbotron!

[CHEERING]

♪ With a brand-new attitude... ♪

You guys, I'm sorry for acting
like a d*ck during the pandemic.

I'm sorry too, dude.

Hello? Who-Who's there?

♪ Trying to figure out how to live ♪

♪ Doing it our way ♪

♪ No shame, no blame ♪

_

♪ I forgive you, we were
busy living the dream ♪

Oh...

♪ Never noticed the glass
ceiling falling on us ♪

♪ No shame, no blame ♪

♪ 'Cause the damage is done ♪

♪ And, and I forgive you ♪

♪ I forgive you, I forgive me ♪

♪ Now when do I start to feel again ♪

♪ If I hate you, what does that do ♪

♪ So I breathe in and I count to ten ♪

♪ 'Cause the lights are on ♪

♪ And I'm coming home... ♪

Holy sh*t balls.

Sharon, I'm sorry for the way
I acted during the pandemic.

You're not sorry, you're just high.

I'm both.

♪ I forgive you, we were
just a couple of kids... ♪

Here you go! It's our Post
COVID Special. It's free.

No, really, we've all
been through a lot.

Come on, take it. Thank you, baby.

Come on, everyone. Post COVID Special!

Here you go, folks,
you all deserve this!

You did the best you could
during the pandemic, honey.

- I love you!
- Huh?

I shouldn't have yelled at
you for not wearing a mask.

I just didn't understand.

Well, maybe I should have
worn a mask more often but...

No, no, no, I was being all
high and mighty about it...

Butters, you're not grounded
anymore. Come on out, son.

You mean it, Dad?!

The pandemic's been awful.

We all need to just cut
each other some slack.

I love you, Butters!

I totally forgive you!

Oh, cut yourself some slack.

We gotta get some more of this stuff.

♪ Couple of kids... ♪

Okay, come on, next!

_

And then we were like,
"Yeah, okay, yeah,

let's storm the Capitol!"

And it was a bad idea and we were just,

you know, we were just
going a little bonkers there.

We shouldn't have stormed the Capitol.

ALL: That's okay!

I'm sorry. I thought about it

and I can't do Space Jam .

I just can't support Chinese censorship.

Oh, yeah? Well, if you're
not gonna make Space Jam ,

then I'm not gonna make Space Jam !

And nobody's gonna make Space Jam !

- Yeah!
- ALL: Yeah!

- Yeah!
- [CHEERING]

♪ And I forgive you. ♪

♪♪

_

[WOMAN SPEAKING JAPANESE]

Hey, everybody! I'm home, guy!

- Hey! Ike!
- Ike, hi!

Ike, you made it back!

Well, of course! I wouldn't
miss Canadian Boxing Day, buddy!

Look, everyone, Stan's back!

- [ALL CHEERING]
- Hey, Stan!

Hey, guys!

Good to see you, buddy!
How was everything on Mars?

Really cool, but I'm so glad
to be home! How are the kids?

BOTH: Uncle Stan!

There's the little ragamuffins!

Mom.

Hi, Stanly.

It's Mom! And Shelley!

Why are you acting all weird, Turd?

I don't know.

For some reason I'm just
extra happy to see you guys.

CRAIG: Hey, look who's here. It's Kenny!

- [ALL CHEERING]
- Kenny!

Kenny, what have you been up to, buddy?

Didn't you hear?! Kenny
just won the Nobel Prize

for combining dark matter
and breast implants!

Oh, you old dog!

Hey, everybody, he's on!

What a fantastic audience. Wow.

What is up with these
bisexual Canadians, huh?

I guess they don't know
whether to f*ck their brother

or their sister.

[LAUGHTER]

Hey, Stan.

Wendy, you're back from Harvard.

Yeah, just here for the holidays.

You wanna maybe... spend
New Years together again?

I'd love that.

Hey, fellas! Can I
offer you some pupus?!

Thanks for choosin' Denny's
Applebee's for your party.

Butters, you're still working here, huh?

Yup! I just made manager.

I love doing actual sh*t
that pays actual money.

Hey, Stan, can you
come here for a second?

What's the matter, dude?

Dude, he's here.

Cartman?

Man, poor Cartman.

f*ck you guys! You can
suck my f*cking d*ck!

f*ck you!

It's so sad he never did
anything with his life.

f*ck you, Kyle! f*ck you, Stan!

Hey, come on, fellas.

We can't spend another
holiday feeling bad for Eric.

There's nothing that could
have changed the path he was on.

f*ck you, Butters!

f*ck you, Eric!

Well, everyone, I just
wanna make a toast.

I don't know...

what got us through the pandemic

and made all our futures so very
bright, but whatever it was...

may we have it for the rest of our days.

God bless us, everyone.

ALL: Cheers!

ANNOUNCER: Remember, folks,

weed can't solve all your problems.

But Tegridy can.

Tegridy Weed.