02x04 - Tony Pepperoni

[bunniefuu]

Previously on "Wrecked"...

I had sex with Chet last night!

What?!

[Screaming]

Jess and Chet are... bangin'.

I can't leave Jess behind.

You gotta fight for the ones you love.

- Aah!
- [Grunting]

You came back for me.

Mmhh!

- Rosa?
- Hi!

I thought you d*ed in the crash.

No, there's a whole camp
of us that survived.

Owen, this is everyone:

Josh, Cooper and Miles, Javier.

I just don't want to be alone anymore.

[whispering] There's
somebody else on the island.

It's the other flight attendant.

She tried to k*ll me.

Aah!

Oh, sh**t!

[Gasps]

[Flute plays suspenseful tune]

[Branch snaps]

- [Ominous music plays]
- [Bird cawing]

[Suspenseful music climbs]

[Bird tweets]

- [Eerie chord strikes]
- Aah!

[Shuddering]

Ahh!

Rosa?

What, you don't recognize me?

We share a hot, sticky night together,

and then you don't even
bother to remember me?

What?

- You look...
- Huh?

Different.

Listen, you and I, we
need to talk, okay?

About what happened between us.

Okay, let me just come
right out and apologize.

I feel really bad about how we hit you

in the head, but I...

- Oh, and I'm pregnant.
- [Ominous chord thunders]

And you're the father.

[Eerie music climbs]

How is...?

[Birds tweeting]

Okay, I'm sorry, this can't be

- happening, okay?
- Yeah, well,

I'm not proud of it, either.

First of all, Rosa, the night that we...

Mm-hmm. Boned?!

You can say it.

Everybody here knows what
you're talkin' about.

Britney, Josh, Javier!

- [Eerie chord strikes]
- Javier, do not start with me!

[whispering] Sorry.

Right.

Well, first of all, that night,

- Mm-hmm.
- We used protection.

- Yeah.
- Also, that was only

- weeks ago.
- So...?

So, how do you know that we're pregnant?

Maybe because I took a pregnancy test?

[Laughs]

- What are you talking about?
- Yeah, see?

- [Ominous chord strikes]
- There.

I peed on it; it's positive.

There's a little plus sign right there.

- You peed on this?
- I peed all over that.

What?

Oh, do you not believe me?

Do you need me to take another one?

I will, I just need to chug some water.

- No, no, thank you.
- Or something...

No, it's fine; it's fine.

Oh.

[Chuckle]

[singsong] You use me

- for my body,
- Tss! Okay.

And now you can't even

watch me pee on something?

Yes?

Oh, Owen.

You are so unbelievably

- typical!
- God! Okay.

You frickin' men think
you can just walk away!

You just stick your nasty little dingus

and you just squirt your seed...

Pbbt! Pbbt!... wherever you want?

No.

You knocked me up, Owen!

And you need to take responsibility,

or I will filet you

from your neck

to your nuts.

Oh, my God.

Okay, Rosa, you're absolutely right.

I see it now. You are pregnant.

Yeah, what? Am I showing already?

Rosa! What is it that you want, huh?!

Do you want me to be a father?

What?!

Eww!

Blecch!

[laughing] Oh, my God.

- Okay.
- What?!

No!

- Point made.
- Aah, aaaagggghhhhh!

- No, thank you.
- Loud and clear.

[hollering] Yuck! You!

Pbbbbbt!

[Laughing]

Whoo! That... no way, man.

That thought, get it out of my head!

Get it out of my head!

No!

No.

- That's fine.
- No, Owen, I...

I need you to find a clinic
so that we can have this

taken care of.

[Suspenseful music climbs]

[Adhesive scraping]

[singsong] Ooh, all right,
all right, all right, yeah.

[Grunting]

Hell, yeah.

Daddy's all healed up.

It's go time.

- [Whistling]
- Wow, someone's in a good mood.

Yeah, why shouldn't I be?

Sun's out, it's a beautiful day,

and I'm gonna b*at Chet to death.

- What?
- Good luck!

[Grunting]

- Yeah!
- [All shouting]

You think I just forgot,
you long-haired freak?!

Whatever I did, man, I'm sorry, bro.

You had sex with my girlfriend!

Now it's payback, bitch!

- Todd!
- [Suspenseful music climbs]

- What are you doing?
- Huh?

I told you, you and I
were broken up then.

He didn't do anything wrong!

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.

We were barely broken up,

and this guy swoops in like a
friggin' poon vulture.

That is a serious violation of bro code!

It's wager time, Chet versus Todd!

Let's go, Greenpeace.
Time to dance, come on.

- I won't fight.
- All right, then, it's just

gonna be hittin'
you and you hittin' the floor.

[All shouting]

Oh!

Ohhh!

[Thud]

Holy sh*t. sh*t!

[panting] Florence, you gotta help me.

Florence.

I just ran into Rosa.

- What?!
- She tried to k*ll me.

Okay, what do you need me to do?

I don't even know how to say this.

I need you to perform

an abortion.

[Eerie music climbs]

What?!

[Ominous chord strikes]

You need me to perform

a fake abortion?

That is insane.

Well, so is Rosa, okay?

Obviously, there's no way
that she's pregnant,

but she told me that, if I don't get her

into a "clinic" within one hour,

she's gonna k*ll me.

Okay, we can do this.

You know, I've helped
out a lot of friends

with this sort of thing,
so, I know the drill.

I mean, she's gonna have to believe you.

I got this.

All right, you're gonna have
to seem like a real doctor.

[Ticking music plays]

How so?

You... you just have a very
like undoctor vibe that

- I thought you were going for!
- Oh.

My. God.

Please, just do this for me.

I'm gonna, and it's gonna knock

your frickin' socks off!

[Sultry music plays]

- Babe?
- Huh?

- Babe.
- Hey.

Oh, thank God.

Jess, 'sup?

Did I m*rder him?

My bad, bro.

- [Sinister music plays]
- You sh*t!

- Oh, my God.
- Son of a bitch!

- Todd!
- I'll wrestle the sh*t

- Todd!
- Out of you!

- Get...
- You're mine, d*ck.

- Get up.
- What?

Ohhh.

Good call.

Hydrate, recover, kick ass!

Listen to me!

You and Chet are gonna talk this out.

No way, dude.

Todd, put this to rest,

or find someplace else to sleep tonight.

Oh, well, then, looks like I'm sleepin'

somewheres else, then, doesn't it?

Huh, Jess?!

You know I'm kiddin', right?

I'm kidding!

[Sinister music climbs]

Can I get a spill off that agua?

[Thudding on leaves]

I'll get it.

[Eerie music climbs]

So, the clinic's just up here.

Oh, I'm just so glad that there's

no protestors waiting outside.

Yeah.

We're lucky.

Ahh, hello, welcome.

I'm Dr. Florence.

You're right on time.

- You must be Rosa.
- I know you.

I held you hostage, in camp, with him.

[Suspenseful music plays]

[Eerie music climbs]

Ah! I'm so embarrassed.

I had no idea you were a doctor.

It's okay. Totally fine.

It's very understandable.

- Oh, my God.
- I look very young;

my voice is stupid.

Please come in, welcome.

Color me embarrassed.

- Okay.
- Okay.

Now, I understand you had
a positive pregnancy test.

Yeah, bit of a shocker.

Just kind of figured he was sterile,

you know, look at him.

- Okay.
- Now, I know this is

a very stressful time for you, Rosa,

but, you're not alone.

This is good.

I feel safe here.

I graduated medical
school from John Hopkins

and undergrad from
Northwestern University,

- magna cum laude.
- Okay, so we're here because...

I founded this clinic in ,
with the hopes of providing

medical services for women, by women,

- and it is my dream...
- Very cool.

So we're here because Rosa

would like to get an abortion.

Excuse me, sir, would you mind

stepping outside?

I need to confer with
the patient privately.

I'll be okay. But I am gonna need you

to drive me home when I'm done.

If you'll bring the car around.

Okay.

I will just be

outside.

Confidentiality is very important

in the medical field.

Just read some magazines or something.

I get it, man.

I know what you're goin'
through right now.

You don't get a thing about me,
you hippie trash.

[Spits] You hummus-eating shitstain.

That! The anger, Todd!

That's what I mean. That was me,

- [Suspenseful music climbs]
- back in Scottsdale.

Wait, hold up.

- You're from Scottsdale?
- Shhyeah.

No, no, no, no, I'm from the Dale.

What?

Seriously?!

Dude, maybe our paths crossed.

Oh, pssh! I doubt it, man.

I was doing cool sh*t back in the .

You were, what, living under a freeway?

Washing your balls in public fountains?

Taking a dump in a bush?

No, man, I had a condo.

I actually had a great life.

'Til the day it all changed.

- The future is nanotechnologies.
- Man: Mm-mm, yeah, yeah!

I didn't make that call.
That's just how it is.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- That's the direction

- everything's going, so you...
- [Keys thud]

[Call-and-response grunting]

Mr. Prime Minister,
I'm gonna have to call you back.

[Grunting continues]

[Suspenseful music plays]

[Grunting continues]

Woman: Oh! Nice one!

- Oh! Ay! Ah!
- Ohhhhhhhhhh!

[Rattling]

- [Thud]
- Hey!

[Pounding]

I honestly think I would've
k*lled that guy, man, but,

before I could get in
there, he'd run off.

I didn't know what to do with
the rage, so I just left.

Started medicating.

[Sniffing]

- Cocaine is what I mean.
- No, I got it.

Yeah, I know what that means.

And that was it. Since that day,

everything just spiraled out for me.

Damn, dude.

Now you're this

friggin'... burnout.

Man, my point is I let anger poison me.

Don't make the same mistake I did

back at old Kitzmann Villas.

[Suspenseful music climbs]

Wait.

Your condo was in the Kitzmann Villas?

Yeah. Why?

[Eerie music climbs]

- Ohhhhhhh!
- [Gasp]

Hell, yeah! Whoo.

[Pounding on door]

[whispering] Oh, my God.
It's my boyfriend.

- You have a boyfriend?
- You gotta go.

What the hell?

[Rapid march plays]

[Panting]

What's up, man?

You okay?

- [Whimsical tune plays]
- No. Yeah, no, I'm okay.

I was in real estate back
home and the Kitzmann Villas,

man, it's dope property, really good.

- Oh, yeah.
- Okay, whatever.

[Leaves rustling, birds chirping]

[crying] I just always thought

this was not how I get pregnant,

that it would happen on my
own terms, you know?

- [Melancholy tune plays]
- With a pilot, probably Italian.

Yes. Of course.

But then I think I'm like,

"Wh-Who are you trying to kid, Rosa?

"Huh? Stupid Rosa!

- "Aah!"
- No, no, no,

- don't, no.
- Yes, because so little

in my life has actually gone

how I wanted it to go, you know?

And I feel like...

like every choice I've ever
made is the wrong choice.

Oh, my sweet girl.

Also, like, I know I'm a little crazy.

Hey, no, no, no, no, no.

You are not crazy.

No?

There are no wrong choices.

Only different paths.

♪♪

You're so smart.

- I know.
- Wow, okay.

[Inhales, exhales deeply]

I think I'm ready now.

♪♪

- Hey-ey!
- Hey.

So, everything... taken care of?

Owen.

I've decided to keep the baby!

You're gonna be a dad!

[Sinister music climbs]

[Ominous chord strikes]

Owen!

We're gonna have a baby!

Can you even believe that?!

- I literally can't even.
- No?

Wow! What happened?

Well, when I was talking to
the doctor, I just...

I felt this overwhelming
sense of calm come over me.

Like, this was a path
I'm meant to go down.

- [Suspenseful music plays]
- Thank you.

- I got you.
- [Muttering]

Anyway, obviously, I want you to be

a part of this baby's life. So, come on!

We have a nursery to paint.

Okay.

I'm just gonna go talk to the doctor

- What?
- Real quick.

- Why?
- Uh,

you know, to just kinda

- get some insurance stuff
- Oh!

Squared away.

You're so responsible.

- Ooh!
- [Gasp]

I should start thinkin'
about baby names!

[Laughs]

Oh, that's nice.

What are you doing to me?!
This was not part of the plan!

I'm sorry, it's her baby.

I have to respect her choice.

Florence, there is no baby, okay?

Now, thanks to you,
I'm gonna have a Kn*fe in my back

for the next nine months!

Oh, Owen.

How do you feel about
eating the placenta, yum

or superyum?

Rawr rawr rawr rawr rawr.

- [Munching]
- Oh, my God. She's insane.

You think so, doctor?

We can fix this, okay?

I just need to...

[Suspenseful music plays]

Fight crazy with crazy.

What?

Follow my lead.

Rosa, hon, are you feeling okay?

- You look a little flushed.
- I do?!

- Yeah.
- No, I feel fine!

Oh, good, good. That's good to hear.

- P-erfect, even.
- Okay, great, so I'm just gonna

- go ahead and take your pulse.
- Yeah.

- Cautionary measure.
- I feel like I'm glowing.

Just gonna take that pulse.
Oh, that's fast.

- What?!
- Oh, wow!

Rosa, your water broke!

- What?!
- Oh, my gosh!

The baby's coming early.

Uhh, nine months early?

[Ominous chord strikes]

You know, I've seen this happen in...

mothers who are

very fit and attractive.

[Suspenseful music plays]

Ohhhhh!

The baby's coming!

Ooh.

Oh, mother

[bleep]

[Suspenseful music plays]

Did you work things out with Chet?

Something like that.

Good.

[Waves lapping]

Hey.

You're a good man.

I don't know about that.

Remember when we were on a big break

a few years back,

during March Madness?

Oh, yeah, March Sadness.

- Right.
- Yeah.

Since we were officially split up,

I sort of hooked up with this girl.

I don't care.

All that matters is who we are today.

- Okay?
- Hmm.

[Waves lapping]

[Wailing, crying out]

[Sobbing]

Rosa, it's another contraction!

You have to push!

You can do this.

Owen, tell her.

[Sobbing]

Yeah, right, yes!

Come on! Oh!

Hey, Rosa, you can do this!

You can do this, okay?

- I'm so proud of you, okay?
- Oh.

Don't be afraid. I'm
right here with you.

You're amazing.

Oh, oh.

- [Suspenseful music climbs]
- Sorry.

Ooh, I can see the head!

- Yeah? Okay.
- One more big push, Rosa,

you can do it!

Uhh. Ohhhhhh!

Oh, my gosh, one more big push!

[Screaming]

- Ohhhhh!
- Oh, my.

- [Gasping]
- Wha...?

It's a...

- [Eerie lullaby plays]
- it's a baby!

Oh, my God, it's...

It's not what I expected.

- [Suspenseful music plays]
- That's...

[crying] That's even more beautiful.

- [Tranquil tune plays]
- [Sobbing]

Oh-hoh-hoh-hoh!

And it's a boy, all right.

[Laughing]

It's my little boy.

Owen, look at your son.

Hey.

Hey, buddy.

Little dude.

Wait a second. This can't be.

- [Eerie flourish plays]
- What's wrong?

- This blood test.
- What?

According to this, Owen
can't be the father.

[Gasp]

What is going on?

Rosa...

Is there something
you're not telling us?

Ooh, yeah. I...

I wasn't quite sure,

- but...
- What is the meaning of this?

Javier.

[Both gasp]

Before I slept with you,
I slept with Javier.

You son of a bitch!

Owen, I'm so sorry, but it's just...

- [Suspenseful music plays]
- This must be his baby.

How could you?

I... I...

[Ominous chord strikes]

♪ If you were a snake,
I'd be scared of you ♪

♪ If you were a jaguar ♪

- Chet.
- ♪ I'd be scared, too ♪

- Chet.
- ♪ But you're just a crab ♪

- Chet!
- ♪ I'm just a crab ♪

Hey, man, look at this tiny miracle.

It's a hermit crab inside that.

I gotta tell you something,
and, afterwards,

you're gonna wanna punch me
in the face, but F it.

All we have is today.

I don't understand all the things

that you're talking about.

I banged your girlfriend.

- [Eerie music plays]
- What?

Kitzmann Villas.

That was me.

[Suspenseful music climbs]

So, I'm not gonna be a father?

What a gut punch.

Owen, I'm sorry.

But you can come visit the baby

- Nah. No,
- anytime.

It would hurt too much.

Sure.

- Oh!
- [Sinister music plays]

- Oh, my God!
- Rosa?

Oh, my God! Oh, there's

another one coming.

It's twins!

- What?
- No, it's not.

Oh! Ooh, ooh, ooh!

Ooh, ooh, ooh!

- Ohhhhhhh!
- Hol...

-y sh*t!

[Clang!]

[Birds cawing]

It's a miracle.

[Eerie music continues]

[Sinister music climbs]

I don't understand, man.

You banged my girlfriend?

I broke the bro code.

[Suspenseful music plays]

So break my face, man, come on!

Come on, pop me!

Do it!

[Suspenseful music climbs]

Ahhh!

Or bear-hug me, sure.

Yeah, okay, choke me out.

- [strained] There!
- Mmm!

Takes big nuts to confess
something like that, man.

[sniffle] You're not a bro, Todd.

You're a man, Todd.

Plus, the guy that banged
my girlfriend was Black.

What?!

[Suspenseful music plays]

Why the hell are you doing this?!

Sorry, my dude.

♪♪

[Screams]

- [Bone snaps]
- Ow, sh*t!

[Birds chirping]

That means there were
multiple guys walking in

on multiple affairs

all over the Kitzmann Villas.

Both: [Bleep] Scottsdale, man.

Yeah.

- [Whimsical-suspenseful tune]
- So, Javier and I

have decided we're gonna...

we're gonna try to give it a go.

- We're so happy for you.
- Oh, wow.

Thank you. We're gonna move

to the other side of the island, though.

Javier has family there.

Plus, the schools are really good.

Oh, that's so important.

Yeah. Well,

I should probably feed these two.

You know, with my breasts.

- We will go. Okay. Yeah.
- I'm gonna go.

Wait, I wanted to tell you,

I named the babies.

- Aw!
- Ohhh!

Yeah. This one is Florence.

Oh, that's so nice. I'm honored.

- For you.
- [Owen chuckles]

And this little guy is...

- Owen.
- What?!

Owen?

No. Hold on, I gotta get it outta...

- Oh. Wow.
- No.

This is Tony Pepperoni.

Bye, Tony.

Pepperoni.

Tony Pepperoni.

Bye, Tony Pepperoni!

[laughs] Bye!

- Okay.
- Bye.

- Bye, guys.
- Okay.

- Okay, bye-bye.
- [Laughing]

[Suspenseful music climbs]

Ugh, I thought they'd never leave, huh?

Ohhhhh!

Oh, my God!

We did it.

Ohhhhh!

Wow.

[Tranquil tune plays]

Huh.

♪♪

That golf ball.

Yeah, it's up inside
her that whole time?

- Ugh! Ugh!
- What?!

[Whip cracking]