02x10 - Nerd Speak

[bunniefuu]

Previously on "Wrecked"...

The pirates. Oh my God.

Where's my freaking bra?! Where is it?!

Oh!

My friends and I are going home.

[Boat horn honks]

I found some money.

Pack: Look at us! We're
slapping the sh*t

out of each other, and for what?!

- No!
- No!

Luther? The Barracuda
said you were dead.

You got to fight for
what's yours, buddy.

Owen wrote the journal.

Florence: This journal
doesn't make any sense.

What the hell is "ROFLcopter"?

I blew up the ship. You
want to know why I did it?

For Florence!

Danny and Owen got the jump on me. Ohh!

Said something about
trying to get off the ship

- before it sank.
- Abandon ship!

[All scream]

[The Association's "Cherish" plays]

♪ Bum, bum ♪

♪ Bum, bum ♪

♪ Cherish is the word I
use to descri-i-i-i-be ♪

♪ All the feeling that I have ♪

♪ Hiding here for you insi-i-i-i-i-de ♪

♪ You don't know how many times ♪

♪ I've wished that I had told you ♪

♪ You don't know how many times ♪

♪ I've wished that I could hold you ♪

♪ You don't know how many times ♪

♪ I've wished that I could mold you ♪

♪ Into someone who could cherish me ♪

♪ As much as I cherish you-u-u-u ♪

♪ And I do-o-o-o-o-o ♪

♪ Cherish you-u-u-u-u ♪

♪ And I do-o-o-o-o-o ♪

♪ Cherish ♪

[Danny grunting]

Come on!

[Grunts]

What could you have
possibly said to Corey

that would make him blow up the ship?

Look, we could spend the whole day

pointing fingers, passing the
buck, blowing the whistle...

- What did you say?!
- Fine. Okay.

I...told him

- that his suit looked good.
- That's not it.

I said that I like weddings,

- which I do.
- Who cares?

I told him that you
were stealing Florence,

and he should do everything
in his power to stop you.

I said I love shrimp.

Why would you say that?!

I... The man is obviously
out of his mind!

I didn't know it that at the time!

I thought he was just kooky!

You know what? The Dream Team...
it's over.

- You don't mean that.
- Yeah.

In fact, I'm starting to think

there never even really
was a Dream Team.

Owen, I know you're mad, but you
are talking crazy right now!

If we don't pull it
together Dream Team-style,

we're gonna die!

Then what the hell do you
suggest that we do?!

You're not gonna like it,

but I need you to pop my
arm out of its socket.

♪

What?!

[Grunts] Aah! Okay, come on.

♪

Everybody in! This is the last lifeboat!

Go! Go!

I can't believe Danny and
Owen would just bail...

I know, right?

But we should just get in the boat

and move on with our new lives.

- Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.
- Oh, my God. Oh, my God. What?

Is this the best we can do?

What are you talking about?

Just saying that we're gonna be at sea

for a very long time maybe, right? What?

I don't want to get
stuck with the nerds.

I mean, Chet, Karen, and
the weird youth pastor?

- What?
- I-I think we should bail

and go find a cooler boat.

- Oh, my God, Todd.
- You get in this boat!

Nobody's listening to me.

All right, we're gonna
put her in the water!

We can't wait any longer!

Wait! Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!

Oh! Oh, thank God you're still here.

No, no, no. Hold it right there.

If it doesn't have a
heartbeat, it stays here.

Can't risk the weight.

No, no, no. I-I need this!

Well, it's your funeral. I'm
putting that boat down.

No, no, no, no!

It has, uh... uh, supplies!

Um, food and... and water.

Why didn't you just say so, you dipshit?

Take it onboard. Go.

♪

[Grunts] I can't break the chain!

There's got to be another way!

Steve, it doesn't matter, man.

I thought I was gonna die in here

without ever seeing anyone again,

but instead, I met you,

my new best friend...

and the coolest guy I ever met.

Oh! [Voice breaking] Don't say that.

Hey, we had some good times.

Remember when you first came in here

- and you were, like, "Aah! Aah!"
- [Laughs]

You scared the sh*t out of me!

You scared the sh*t out of me.

[Laughs]

Yeah.

And we're always gonna have that.

Yeah. For the rest of our lives.

♪

But your life's nearly over.

But for you, it could be a long time

if you get out of here.

[Sobs]

- Get out of here, man!
- No!

Get out of here, Steve!

I don't want my best friend to die,

not today, on the day that I met him!

No.

I was meant to be here.

I was meant to meet you.

I'm not leaving without you.

If I can't break the
chains, break the pipe!

I've tried. I can't.

We can do it together!

Come on!

♪

Okay. You ready?

Both: One, two, three!

Ah! Oh.

Oh, no! I've k*lled him!

Look... if you pop my shoulder out,

it would give me the extra few inches

that I can reach the keys
and slap them back to us.

What are you talking about?
That is not a thing.

It is a totally a thing.

Mel Gibson pops his shoulder out

in, like, every movie to escape.

It's like you haven't even
seen "Lethal w*apon ."

Okay! Fine! How do you want to do this?

All right. Come here.

Crouch down.

From here, you're gonna
pull down on my arm

as hard as you can.

Now, you're my best friend,

so I know you're gonna
want to take it easy,

but you got to go... Aah!

- [Crying]
- Ooh!

Oh, it's out!

F... [Bleep] you!

[Bleep] you! Why would you do this?!

- You said it was a thing!
- Yeah, in movies!

This is real life, you idiot!

You seemed very confident.

Oh, it's a dead limb.

Look at that. It's just
floating in the water.

You want to at least
maybe try for the key?

Yeah. Yeah, I'm gonna do it.

[Cries]

♪

Come on!

[Cries]

Ohh.

I chummed the water.

Watch out for sharks 'cause
I chummed the water.

♪

[Loud creak]

The ship's about to snap in half.

We got to go now!

I don't like this. It
doesn't feel right.

Hey, hey, hey, look at me. Look at me.

I know that you're scared right now,

but some day, you and I are
going to look back on all this,

and we are just gonna ROFLcopter.

What did you just say?

ROFLcopter?

I'll try to explain this.

It means to "roll on the
floor laughing" copter.

Oh, my God. You wrote the journal.

All that nerd speak... it was you!

It's not nerd speak, all right?

It's cool Internet slang,

and I did it for us!

But Danny and Owen...

Forget them!

They're probably drowned by now!

Hey! Florence!

Seriously? We're just about to leave!

Hold the boat.

I swear to God I'll bring
her back, dead or alive.

W-Why would you bring her back dead?

What? I... I just... I didn't even...
Shut up!

Hold the boat!

Where's Florence? We have to go!

[Loud crash]

That's it.

I'm dropping this boat.

People going back and forth.

g*dd*mn free-for-all!

We're going, and that's final!

Man: Hold the boat!

♪

I'm saving him! I'm a hero!

Who the hell is that?

It's Luther!

He was Barracuda's lover before she...

Uh, that doesn't really matter,

but the main thing is he's a cool guy.

- Come on! Let's go!
- Wait!

Florence and Corey... they went back in.

Did you see them?

I didn't see anyone!

Prepare to lower the lifeboat.

Owen: Ready?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

All right. On three, right?

Okay. One...

[Screams]

[Grunts]

Oh, that hurts just as bad going in.

Oh! [Breathing heavily]

Ohh, I'm sorry.

♪

It's all right.

Oh, it's my fault.

You and Florence were getting
close, and I got jealous.

Not like a romantic way.

Like, I didn't want to kiss you
or rub your butt or anything.

I got it.

Not that you have a bad butt.

Your butt's totally fine,
just not my thi...

I got it!

Since everything with my family,

I didn't want to lose you, too.

♪

You know, I'd be lying if I said

I didn't think this was
how I was gonna die.

But if I got to drown

in a Red Hot Chili Peppers drunk t*nk,

at least I'm doing it
with my best friend.

♪

Aww!

- Oh!
- [Screams]

- Oh, my God!
- God!

- Sorry! Sorry!
- How long have you been there?

A while! I didn't want to say anything

'cause, seriously, you
guys are so frickin' cute.

God, you scared me!

[Ship creaking]

♪

We were so close to going home.

What's gonna happen to us?

Well, come daybreak,

the sun will start to scorch our skin,

and that will attract seabirds,

who will peck at our sunbaked flesh

until we are nothing but bones.

Good God, Karen.

Jesus.

No, no, no. No, no, no, guys,
we can get through this!

I mean, think about it...

we got through the plane
crash, a shitty beach,

a pirate named The Barracuda,

Steve tried to m*rder us in cold blood.

Yeah.

We've been through worse, and
we can get through this!

- We're survivors!
- Come on!

[All cheer]

All right, okay. Pack, open that bag.

- What?
- Yeah, open the bag.

We got to see what supplies
we're working with.

♪

So, how do I get you out of here?

There's a key. It's on
the ground underwater.

I knocked it off with my dead arm.

What made you come back?

You were right about Corey.

I should have listened to you.

I'm sorry. I've just never dated a guy

who's not a total dumpster fire.

No, I'm sorry, okay? I'm... I'm sorry.

I should not have compared
us to the "Speed" franchise.

And if we are somehow "Speed,"

then I don't want you to
end up with Jason Patric.

I want you to end up with Keanu Reeves.

Which is me... I'm Keanu Reeves.

- I got it.
- Okay.

[Voice breaking] No, I'm sorry.

I didn't think there could be
three people in the Dream Team,

but I was wrong.

This... This is the Dream Team!

What's the "Dream Team"?

This thing that he won't stop saying

but it looks like you're in.

Thanks, Danny.

Welcome to the Dream Team.

Okay, should we get out of
here so we don't drown?

Oh, yeah! Sorry! The key! Okay.

The key's in the water.
It could be anywhere.

[Inhales deeply]

[Keys clack]

Oh, my God!

- Yes!
- [Laughs]

It was so easy. It was,
like, right under me.

I felt it with my foot!

- Cool! Open the door!
- Oh!

♪

Where's the lifeboat?!

They're gone, and they left us behind.

Just like you left me behind.

Corey.

[Imitates Florence] Corey.

[Normal voice] Don't try to butter me up

by remembering my name now, Florence.

Hey, hey, hey! Let's take it easy.

You.

Never understood what she saw in you

with your charisma and your wit
and your leading-man looks.

Seems like you get it.

Shut up, fat-ass!

And you!

Ever since we crashed,

you've been leading me on!

I thought you loved me!

Why would you think that?

Because you were nice to me!

- [Sighs]
- You give a girl

everything you have,

and how does she repay you?

Please do not say "friend zone."

By putting you in the friend zone!

Aw, man.

And now you got to die

because if I can't have you,

well, nobody can!

[Machine-g*n fire]

This way!

Holy heck!

This thing's got some kick to it.

No!

I don't want to chase you!

Go, go, go!

Why is Corey so weird?!

Corey: [Sing-song voice] Florence.

My tiny, little peach!

[Normal voice] My sweet,
little baby angel!

Where are you?!

Oh, my God. They're all locked.

Does no one trust anyone?!

What are you doing? Let's go!

My pants are wet.

My legs are all chaffing. It's terrible!

Florence!

Come give Papa a smooch!

Ew!

In here!

[Machine-g*n fire]

Uh, here we go.

Just... Just got to... open the bag.

Lot of zippers, really, you
know, these travel bags.

You know, could be any of these, really.

Nah. It's not that one.

That's small... It's not...

Could be... No, not this one.

Oh! This one. I got it right here.

Here we go.

Nope, that's the one that
just makes the bag bigger...

What the hell is happening?
Just open the bag!

I genuinely can't tell

if you're stupid or just stalling.

Stalling? Me?

[Laughing] Come on.

Now's not the time for jokes, Karen.

I mean... should we
talk about this, hon...

No, no, no! No, no! Give me that.

What is wrong with you?

- [Bag unzips]
- Ooh, real hard, pal.

- [Gasps]
- Oh!

I can explain.

- [a* thuds]
- Corey: Aah!

♪

Here's...

Oh, is this mahogany?

This is so hard to break!

[Machine-g*n fire]

Florence.

Did you hear my cool
"The Shining" reference?

Would have been a lot cooler,

but this place is a g*dd*mn fortress.

I see what's going on.

This is you playing another
one of your games.

- [Gasps]
- You know what?

I don't even care if I find you
because you are so boring,

and you look weird in shorts!

♪

Psych out! I'm negging.

I learned that at a seminar
on how to pick up women.

You look great in shorts.

You always have, and you always will.

[Whispering] What do we do?

♪

[Grunts]

Danny, what are you doing?

[Sing-song voice] Florence.

Admittedly, I'm not doing

the most enthusiastic
version of searching,

but I kind of thought
you'd come out by now.

♪

[Music stops]

Danny! What are you doing?

♪

[Whispering] I've got a plan.

Well, what have we got here, Chet?

- Think we got a little weaselonboard!
- A weasel!

Listen, I know you guys are mad.

All right, what the hell is going on?

Where did all this money come from?

This is pirate money... $ , .

$ , .

Pack and I found it on the boat,

and then he double-crossed me.

Who cares about the money?
We don't have any supplies!

We're gonna die out here!

Oh, someone's definitely dying out here.

[All screaming and shouting]

Florence.

Come out and play!

[Whispering] Even if that plan
did work, he has got a g*n!

That's from "The Warriors."
Did you guys see that movie?

You'll never get
there in time.

Raise your hand if you
saw "The Warriors."

- Not if I distract him.
- Distract him how?

The Florence way.

- What?
- What?

Corey: Florence.

- What are you doing?
- Can you please...

Florence: I don't know what this is.
What are you...

Show of hands. Who saw "The Warriors"?

Nerds.

Great movie.

[Grunts] Ready?

- Florence, just come out!
- No.

- Let's do this.
- No!

- All right?
- Dream Team.

Danny, no!

Can't you see that I love you?!

Aah! My pants!

I lost my pants! Where are they?!
Hey, what are you saying?

That's my thing.

Danny: I lost my pants!
I can't find them!

Are you saying you lost your pants?

- I don't know where they are!
- How do you lose your pants?

Go, go, go, go.

They were on me, and now
they're not me anymore!

I don't know where your pants are!

Florence!

♪

Hey, Corey. ROFLcopter this, you nerd.

Okay, well, that's not quite how you use

that term... Aah!

[Chili pepper creaking]

[Gasps]

Oh.

That worked so well.

You think he's dead?

Yeah, I think he's dead.

[Chuckles] We did it!

[All cheering]

Chili pepper to the face!

- Yeah!
- Ooh! Ooh!

You did my bra thing!

I did it! I did it with my pants!

I told you... it works every time.

Every time! [Laughs]

[Loud thud, creaking]

Hey, the lifeboats.

How are we gonna get off the ship?

Oh. [Gasps]

I have an idea.

Okay, you cut me out the money,
Pack, I cut you out of yourself!

[Screams]

Chet, where did you get a switchblade?

Oh, old Chester keeps it close.

Wow. We did not know Chet at all.

Pack lied to us.

I say if we have no food, we eat him!

- No, no, no!
- That sounds fair enough to me

'cause he ate a guy on the island!

- What?!
- Oh, my God!

- Yeah!
- Ew!

Yeah, well, Todd and
Jess banged a pirate!

All the holes... it was
heterosexual and h*m*...

and they used it all to
get a spot on the boat

and leave us to die!

- Okay. okay.
- Oh, that is disgusting!

Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah?!

Well, Karen brought the plane down!

No I didn't.

Yeah, no, she didn't.

I was just trying to get
the heat off of us.

What the hell is wrong with you?!

- All right! Hey!
- I'm sorry!

[Indistinct yelling]

[Chains clinking]

Luther!

Luther, we made it. We're out!

You saved my life.

I guess.

I bet you looked real
cool doing it, too.

Yeah.

Holy smokes.

Look at those stars.

♪

[Voice breaking] I can't
believe I'm alive.

♪

[Crash]

What was that?

It's a sandbar.

Does that mean...

[Flashlight clicks]

Oh, yeah!

We got land!

Hey! Yeah!

[All cheering]

Pack: Is this the same island?

No. The trees are different.

Oh, good. That'd be so stupid.

What's wrong? You all right?

Florence and Danny and Owen...
do you think they're...?

I don't know.

[Vehicle approaching]

Look!

♪

- They made it!
- Yeah!

[All cheering]

Oh, my God!

Hey, what happened to Corey?

It turns out he's the one
who blew up the ship.

- What?!
- Corey the minister?

- Yeah.
- Where is he now?

Oh, we k*lled him.

Snapped his neck with
a giant chili pepper.

- What?!
- Hey, where are we?

Who the hell cares? We're alive!

[All cheering]

Pack: Nothing can k*ll us!

[Laughs]

♪

I'm on land! Land!

Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

[Laughs] I'm on land!

Whoo-hoo-hoo!

I saved him.

Luther. My best friend.

I'm on land!

[Laughs]

[All gasp]

- Aah!
- [Body parts thudding]

Luther!!

Oh!

[Crying]

I think he stood on a land mine!

♪

Nobody move!

[All screaming]

Oh, my God!

♪

[Screaming continues]

[Computer beeping]

♪