03x03 - Getting to the Bottom of It

[bunniefuu]

Previously on "I Am Jazz"...

The testosterone suppression
did you two big favors here,

but it didn't do you
any favors down below.

He said that I should
get a colon vaginoplasty.

They take part of the
colon and use that.

The negative is that it smells.

Ew.

I'm going ice skating,

but Skylar is making it seem like this

is going to be some sort of date.

Well, what do you want to do?

I think I'm just going
to sit down, honestly.

Do you need help?

Just go and skate.

How'd it go?

Ugh!

I just really hate myself!

[Sighs]

Jazz: years ago, I was
assigned male at birth,

but inside, I always knew I was a girl.

I have a girl brain and a boy body.

Being transgender hasn't been easy.

This is definitely not,
like, a straightforward case.

I don't think you have many
options for a vaginoplasty.

- I had a great time.
- I had a lot of fun.

Have a great night.

- Now, it sounds like a date.
- It's not a date!

But it's made me who I am.

Jeanette: So why don't you talk to
us and just tell us what happened?

You don't look happy
right now. You just tired?

I'm not in a good mood right now.

I don't know what I
want, what I want to do,

who I like, who I am.

Ugh!

Okay. I just really hate myself!

Yeah. I don't think that's how
you're supposed to come back

from a social event.

I'm not surprised that Jazz
came home from ice skating

and she's not in the best mood

because Jazz feels very
awkward in social situations.

I know her. And whenever she says that,

it means that she wasn't nice to people.

Go ahead. Go talk to her.

You're better at talking
to a teenage girl than I am.

Yeah.

Jeanette: The reason Jazz has
a hard time meeting new people

is because she sabotages herself.

People want to meet her.

They want to talk to her,
and she just withdraws.

Like, she doesn't let them in.

It's all coming from her.

Jazz?

Leave me alone.

Well, I need to find
out what's bothering you.

I hate myself.

Why?

I'm selfish.

I just feel like I'm
so mean to everyone.

You have your moments
where you can be bitchy,

but when you do things like that,

I think that's what
causes you to be like this.

Am I right?

I love you so much.

I hate to see you cry like this.

Every time I'm in social settings,

like, I see how cool people are,

and I'm just, like...

I don't know. I just
feel bad about myself.

My biggest fear is that she
won't learn and accept that,

you know, you're not always
going to be comfortable.

The world is not going
to be always perfect.

This is life. Like, you're
going to be in social situations.

It's something we need to work
on and help her get past that.

You're a very brave person.

I know you don't think you
are, but you're extremely brave.

So don't even think that
about yourself. Okay?

I don't hate myself.

I just hate some things about me.

I know I have a lot of
problems and imperfections.

Sometimes, I can be rude,
say what's on my mind,

be a little blunt, and
sometimes, that's not right.

But when it comes to my personal issues,

I know how to fix them.

It just comes down to
me wanting to fix them.

There's no reason for you
to hate yourself ever, okay?

Don't think nasty things about yourself.

♪♪

The other day, I saw
this guy on the street.

And he was like, "hey. I
haven't seen you in forever."

I'm like, "we sit next to
each other in first period."

He was just, like...
He was so embarrassed.

He was, like, "thanks."

[Laughter]

I haven't really made
any new friends at school.

But outside of school,

I have this really great
core group of friends.

And after last night,
it feels really good

to catch up on homework
and just hang out.

So how was that date at
the ice skating thing?

I was not a date! Okay?

You know, he's into art. I'm into art,

and we're both trans.

We had a lot of similarities.

So we got together and went ice skating.

- That sounds like a date.
- It's not a date!

It sounds like a double date.

No!

Well, it's really
annoying that my friends

are calling this a date

because a date is where
you go out with someone

that you may want to
pursue a relationship with.

I do not feel that way about Shane.

Whatever it was, hanging
out with your friends.

While I was ice skating, like, I fell

and then Shane came by himself.

And it was just me and
him, and I was like, "ugh.

This is kind of weird."

I'm like, "you can go back ice skating."

[Laughter]

I felt bad,

but I also thought the
situation was kind of awkward.

And I don't know.

I wanted to be alone
because I was kind of upset.

Can I ask what you
were, like, upset about?

I just don't like social
situations in general.

Yeah but, like, the thing
is, it is hard to see,

like, who a person is
if they're constantly,

like, in damage control.

Like, you can't fully express yourself

because you're not trying
to express yourself.

You're trying to make
things not awkward.

Noelle: I think Jazz didn't
really give Shane a chance

because meeting people
for the first time

is always awkward.

And not giving people chances
will impair her ability

to make friends or to get
a boyfriend or girlfriend

or just find any love.

And, sadly, I don't
think she recognizes that.

Jazz: Most teenage
girls are very boy-crazy.

But I'm really not that boy-crazy.

It's not that I am not attracted
to guys because I definitely am.

It's just, I'm not sure how
I'm going to fall in love,

but I know... No, I don't know.

I don't know why I said I
know because I don't know.

♪♪

♪♪

Look at how nicely
they're holding hands.

We don't do that.

Well, you have a cold.
I don't want to get sick.

You're not going to catch
a cold from my hands.

Today, we're hanging out with my
parents to have wine and cheese.

It's been awhile since
I've been able to get

the two of them together
at the same time.

I want to ask you a favor.

Oh, no.

I was asked to give a
talk with a group of people

from our generation, the
so-called silent generation,

about transgender issues.

If I show up and your mother shows up,

a few people will show
up to listen to us.

But if they know you
and Jazz are showing up,

we could have a number of people there.

Would you be interested in that?

Yes. I'll do it.

I will definitely talk to Jazz.

I'm sure she'll do it.
She wouldn't say no to you.

I think it's so endearing that
my father has become an advocate

for the transgender community.

This talk was a great opportunity

to introduce another generation

to what transgender people
are and how marvelous they are.

I know that Jazz likes the Q and A.

Like, people ask questions,

and she just has the
best answers always.

But that makes me the most nervous.

You're worried about them

getting nasty and not
being able to handle that?

No.

What if they're like, "why
would you do this to your kid?"

Like, what if they get
a little argumentative.

I'm always on alert
because there are quite

a few hateful people out there,

and they can be unpredictable.

Jack and Jacky's generation

might be more fixed in their ways.

And I don't think Jazz really
likes to be confrontational,

so it's a concern.

I can handle anything that
my generation can throw at me.

So I want to know what's
going on in your life.

Well, we recently saw
our very first doctor.

His name is Dr. Reed, and he's local.

He's been practicing a long time.

What does a long time mean?

Well, I don't know exactly
how old he is, but he's...

He's younger than you!

Maybe.

That doesn't say much.

Put it this way. He took
out a magnifying glass,

and he started reading her
file with a magnifying glass.

Oh, come on. You're kidding me.

No! He thinks I'm joking.

It was the truth.

Mission control, we may have a problem.

He felt like, after he examined her,

that because her private
area was so small,

there was really one type of procedure

that he would recommend.

He said a colonic vaginoplasty.

What is a colon vaginoplasty?

I know what the colon is.

Instead of using a penile inversion

which they use the penile skin

and part of the scrotum, you go in,

and you clip a little piece of the colon

and use that as the vaginal canal.

Wow.

I guess I'm at La-La Land
because I pictured surgery,

but I pictured it as, "one, two three.

Ready, set, go."

Honey, changing a male into a female,

under any circumstances has never been,

"one, two, three."

He did say something
about, like, a strange odor

for the first few months,

which just delighted Jazz.

Jacky: I have a funny, little vignette.

As the children were
born, Jazz arrived with

a lot of boy part there.

Honey, you don't want to put
this on national television.

No, but it's part of
the thinking process.

Come on.

And she was very well-endowed.

And I remember this.

- Is the baby all right?
- It's a boy for sure.

Jazz will never forgive you.

I'm sorry.

But life is so peculiar, just
in the irony of all of it.

Jacky: This is not so routine.

This frightens me in
terms of the complications,

the infections, bowel
production, all of it.

You're dealing in this area
that's ripe for problems.

And what are we going to get left with?

This is kind of stirring me up,

and I'm starting to feel nervous.

You're jumping the g*n
because we only spent time

with one doctor who didn't even know

what the hormone blocker name was.

I just want everything to be perfect.

It'll be perfect. She'll have the
most beautiful vag*na in the world.

[Chuckles]

I'm confident.

♪♪

♪♪

Hola, mis padres.

Hello.

Did you get your homework done?

Um, no. Not yet.

What? I have a lot.

Yeah, so?

I'll finish it after
I tell you something.

I was looking up information,
and I think I want

to have a consultation with
Dr. McGinn in Pennsylvania.

♪♪

I want to hear what
Dr. McGinn has to say

because she's had experience
with suppressed youth,

and maybe she'll provide other options

for someone like me besides
the colon vaginoplasty.

Tell me more about her.

Well, I know she has a lot of experience

working with individuals

who have been suppressed
for a long time.

And she's also transgender,
so she can relate

to what I'm going through.

You think you've done
enough homework to be sure

that she's definitely one of the doctors

that you would strongly consider?

Yes, for sure.

After Jazz's consultation with Dr. Reed,

I think she's extremely motivated

to make sure that she knows everything

that is known to mankind
about this procedure

because whatever procedure
she has, you know,

that's what she's going to
have for the rest of her life.

I'm proud that you went and
did your homework on this

because you saw somebody

and you realized that's
not the person for you.

This colon vaginoplasty
just seems a lot more risky

that the standard vaginoplasty

because they're using your
intestines, your colon.

It produces mucous and odor.

And I might have this red vag*na
that's distorted and d*sfigured.

Like, who wants that? Not me.

Let's make it happen.

♪♪

People always ask about the bathroom.

But you know what to
say about that, right?

I know what to say about
it, but I understand

- why people feel that way.
- Wait, you understand...

When you just said you understand
why people feel that way, go back.

...why people feel that way?

This contradicts everything
that we've been fighting for.

♪♪

- Hello.
- Hey.

- Hi, my beauty.
- What's up?

- What's up.
- Mm, you smell so nice.

Jeanette: Today, Jazz and
I are at my parents' house

because we agreed to help my dad

with a presentation
on transgender issues.

He's going to do most of the talking.

And then Jazz and I are going to answer

some questions afterwards.

So, Jazz, I want to get your
take on some of the things

that I've been thinking about.

My grandpa really embraces
the transgender community.

And his support, as well
as my grandma's support,

just means a lot to
me because coming from

an older generation,

sometimes you could
have these fixed ideas

and misconceptions.

I've had contact in my
generation with people

who are uncomfortable around me.

Knowing that we have Jazz...

- Really?
- ...And what we believe in.

Yeah. They have backed off.

People of my generation
had no experience in dealing

with transgender, as
I didn't, not even gay.

So we start from ground zero.

And some of our friends have lagged.

Jack: Many of them are
sympathetic to the issue

but they wonder why we are out front.

And we have to explain to them

that we personally are
not special but Jazz is.

What threatens people
about sex and gender

and when it doesn't match?

I think some people think
it's sexually perverted.

And anything that's sexually perverted

- just ruffles people's feathers.
- _

I'm trying to figure out
where the anger comes from.

And I think the anger comes
from survival of the species.

They just want us to
propagate the right way.

I'm like, "uh. I think
the opposite actually."

Especially since we can't
biologically reproduce,

we're controlling the population.

Grandpa sharing his
views with a large crowd,

it'll be interesting.

People like to ask personal questions.

- Okay.
- But sometimes people

can ask things that aren't so good.

- Inappropriate.
- Yeah.

- That are not kind.
- Right. - _

Oh, yeah.

You had a boy born to you.

But Jazz has gender-identity issues.

Does this not make her into a freak?

I just think I have to be ready
for some people saying things

that may be a little bit ignorant

and may catch me off-guard.

Hopefully, I could express how I feel,

and it will change their minds,

but I'm hoping that it
just won't happen at all.

What questions do you get?

People always ask about the bathroom.

Jacky: The bathroom.

But you know what to
say about that, right?

I know what to say about
it, but I understand

why people feel that way.

Wait, you understand...

When you just said you understand
why people feel that way, go back.

...why people feel that
way? Wait, go back to that.

Yeah. I understand why
certain people feel that way

because they don't believe
in the transgender issues.

They look at you as a boy
going into the women's bathroom.

That's why I understand how they feel.

Jazz: States are trying to
ban transgender individuals

from using the restroom

of the gender they identify with.

It's an act of discrimination.

If I had to use the men's restroom,

that would be more
harmful to my well-being.

So seeing my grandpa mess
up on something as simple

as the bathroom issue is concerning

because that just contradicts

everything that we've been fighting for.

I don't look at the bathroom issue

because you can be
private in a bathroom.

You have stalls. But
there are other problems.

I think showers probably
should go along with anatomy.

First of all, in this
day and age, the kids

aren't showering in the same stall.

Transgender youth have dysphoria.

They don't want people
seeing their bodies.

My dad is not thinking things
through because he's .

People don't shower together anymore.

I don't want my grandpa to
say anything that is harmful

because I know that
he messes up sometimes.

And if he misrepresents the community,

then all of these
people will be educated

with the wrong information.

♪♪

[Insects chirping]

♪♪

- Class here. Classy ladies.
- Oh, that's great.

My friends Mya and Noelle wanted
to catch up by having lunch.

There's one menu here. Do you
guys just want to share this?

Having friends who are also transgender

and just completely are understanding

when it comes to my
issues, it's really helpful

because they're a great support system.

They're experiencing
the same things as me.

Is everything still going well?

Everything is pretty good.

I have a boyfriend now, actually.

Of course you have a boyfriend.

Look how pretty you are.

Thank you.

Between Skylar and now Mya,
I feel like all my friends

are pairing off and I'm the odd man out.

And while it may seem
like I'm shutting down

all the guys I meet, I just know

when I'll have that special
connection with someone.

Noelle: Does he know you're trans?

Yeah. Yeah.

And he's accepting?

Yeah.

Does he identify as straight,
as pansexual, or what?

He identifies as straight.

I was pretty hesitant
to, like, start dating

because just because
somebody is with me,

they're going to be,
like, having to deal with

- so much negativity.
- Mm-hmm.

And, like, I don't want
to change somebody's life

for the worse, but...

If it was really
changing it for the worse

I don't think they'd date you.

Like, you know that he's happy with you.

Yeah.

In this relationship,
do you feel more inclined

to get the surgery now?

It's kind of the opposite.

Like, I want it for me,
regardless but it is, like,

a little bit of less stress
because he's expressed

that whatever I want to do,
whether I have it or not,

it's not going to make
a difference to him.

That's cool because if you like someone

you should be comfortable around them.

You shouldn't have to, like,
put on a mask for anything.

So I think that's cool you're
not as anxious as you were.

You're getting bottom
surgery though, right?

Yep.

How are you feeling about it all?

You know, I want an alternative
to this colon vaginoplasty.

Oh, so you're not really for that one?

Pulling my colon out of my stomach,

that doesn't sound appealing.

That sound a little intense.

You know, anatomy really isn't my thing.

But I know that the colon is
part of the digestive tract,

and that the poop goes through it.

And that is not appealing.

What was the doctor's name

you were going to ask
your parents about?

Dr. McGinn.

I told them how Dr. McGinn

has experience working
with suppressed youth.

So my parents agreed to
take me to Pennsylvania

this weekend for a consultation.

Are you nervous?

I am I guess a little bit anxious

to see what she's going to say.

I've only heard of the
upsides of being suppressed.

You don't grow facial hair.
Your voice doesn't deepen.

Your shoulders don't get broader.

But because of her suppression,

now she actually faces some difficulty.

This is a big fork in the road for her.

I want to hear other options.

Like, I feel like there's more to it

than just a colon vaginoplasty.

It's a little bit scary
because obviously I'm hoping

that Dr. McGinn is going
to say something like,

"of course I could do
the standard procedure.

Yeah. Yeah. Whatever.

I've done it before
for someone suppressed."

But I'm not sure if
that's going to happen.

♪♪

Jeanette: Grandpa is
very, very pumped up.

He has a name for this. He
calls it "transgender ."

So I can't believe how much
this thing has blown up.

The whole community is coming.

Well, I like doing these
things but I'm always worried,

especially with an older generation,

that's somebody is
going to challenge us.

So just be prepared.

People are going to ask you questions.

Some of them might be very far-fetched.

It will be very interesting,
to say the least.

I'm a little bit worried
about this Q and A because

old people sometimes just
say whatever is on their mind.

And a lot of times
they aren't up to date

on what is going on in the world.

So I don't know if
they'll have very ignorant

or uneducated questions.

And I don't want this to turn
into Liberty counsel number two.

I can't imagine how one could transition

without the appropriate hormones.

Jazz: Yeah, I disagree with that.

My grandpa always has to be right.

I know you're very
stubborn, but you were wrong.

All right. Let's not
talk about this anymore.

- Grandpa, I love you.
- No. You can't cut me off

in the middle of an argument.

♪♪

[Indistinct conversations]

♪♪

So what do you think about
how many people are coming?

I am sort of amazed.

Maybe the public has more
interest in this topic

than I ever imagined.

I'm very excited about the fact
that the crowd is fairly large

because I can present my feelings toward

what it means to be transgender.

[Applause]

Some of the members of
the audience may wonder why

I'm here lecturing
on transgender issues.

It's obvious. I have a
transgender granddaughter.

And I'm anxious to talk to you
about the things that I learned.

The thing that I want
to emphasize to you

is that gender identity
is not an either/or.

You may not feel entirely like a woman.

You may not entirely feel like a man.

But this is a matter of
personality and who you are.

Not only did we get a wonderful
transgender grandchild,

she's more than transgender. She's Jazz.

[Applause]

Jazz: My grandpa's talk is really sweet.

I think it's absolutely astounding

how my grandparents were raised

in a completely different time period

when transgender people
weren't even heard of,

and now they're advocates
of our community.

Okay. Now we'll open it up
to questions and answers.

My question is directed
to Jack and Jacky.

Man: How did you come to
terms with this years ago

or years ago?

Was it difficult?

It's a process.

I'll never forget the day
that Jeanette called in tears,

"Mommy, I had to put
the twins' clothing away.

I can't fight this anymore."

There was no choice.

Once Jazz was out and Jeanette and Greg

decided to go public
with it, we followed suit.

When we experience the and
the and the -year-old Jazz,

little did we know that
she's an exceptional person.

Any kind of handicap she would have

she can handle very effectively.

Jazz: I can't believe he said that.

I'm just a normal teenage girl
and I wouldn't consider myself

as having any sort of disability.

I'm a little bit worried
because I honestly have no idea

what more to expect.

I think one of the major
questions that most people

have at this point is if you
have decided to have the surgery.

And do you think there's any
possibility that afterwards

you would have any regrets about it?

I will say that I
definitely, percent know

that I do want the procedure.

We are currently on the search
for the best surgeon possible

for me to get this procedure done.

Overall, I'm super-confident about it.

And I don't think I would
have any regrets whatsoever.

I mean, I've known I was a girl
since right out of the womb,

for real.

[Laughter]

Getting the surgery done

is definitely a very personal journey.

And most transgender
people don't like to share

all of the details

but I really want to
put it all out there

because I feel like
people need to be educated.

Hi. I'm born female, but
I really don't feel female.

I'm saving up for
some day to get surgery

but I'm afraid of the hormone situation.

I'd love to transition maybe
without hormones or very little.

But you still want...

I mean my voice would have to change

and I'd have to grow
hair to, like, pass.

Is that something I would need?

I can't imagine how one
could go through a transition

without the appropriate
hormones somewhere along the way.

Yeah. I disagree with that.

People could do... Yeah, no.

- No.
- No.

You know, this person
may not want to have

those secondary male characteristics...

Well, that's what I
was just getting into.

As I said, it may be
important to you, it may not.

If it's not important
to you, don't do it.

Don't listen to my grandpa.

When it comes to being transgender,

some people do want to get the surgery,

and some people don't
want to get the hormones.

They don't really care about
secondary male characteristics

like a deeper voice,
height, Adam's apple.

It's just different for everyone.

Everyone has a different journey.

Remember, gender is a spectrum.

People do what makes them happy,

what they want their body to be like.

And they know the appropriate
things they want to take

and what they don't want to take, so...

Were you listening to my lecture?

I did call it a spectrum.

I know. I know.

[Laughter]

But then you just contradicted that.

Jazz is extremely precocious,

extremely bright, and
extremely knowledgeable.

But I'm not certain she
understood where I was going.

So if there's any conflict,
it's a matter of communication

more than what the issues really are.

Ah. You did great, grandpa.

Oh, thanks.

Except for when you said that one thing.

What thing?

You were telling that person,

"I don't see how you
could transition from..."

- Oh.
- "...female to male

without taking hormones."

No. I know what you meant, but I...

But listen. Just
listen before you speak.

This is the point I'm
just trying to make.

You were kind of saying, like...

I agree with...

...they cant be who they are...

- No. No.
- ...without taking hormones.

I'm talking... Transition
is the key word.

- But you can.
- Yeah.

You can. You can still...

- Yeah, but...
- ...I know someone, a singer,

he identifies as male percent,

he hasn't taken any hormones
to preserve his voice...

Yeah, but every...

Grandpa, I know you're very
stubborn, but you were wrong.

You didn't know what I was going to say.

As far as the hormones are concerned,

this is good for some people and
it may not be good for others.

At first, you were saying
something that sounded wrong

and I just didn't want you
to keep going down that path.

No. No. No. No.

After I said something,

then you fixed your error,

- and it was fine after that.
- No. You didn't let...

All right. Let's not talk
about this anymore, Grandpa.

- I love you. Mwah!
- No. You can't cut me off

in the middle of an argument!

My grandpa is very stubborn
and always has to be right.

So it's really hard to
have a discussion with him

when you are opposing what he's saying

because he's really not going to listen.

I can't deal with grandpa
when he's like this.

We're on our way heading to Philadelphia

for my consultation.

I'm anxious to see if Dr. McGinn
will provide some alternatives

for someone who is suppressed like me.

We don't have the raw materials

we need to make what we're used to.

Oh, no. Here it comes again.

_

_

♪♪

Super excited. We're at
the airport on our way

heading to Philadelphia
for my consultation.

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

I'm just really excited but
I'm also very anxious to see

if Dr. McGinn will
provide some alternatives

for someone who is suppressed like me

when it comes to getting
the bottom surgery.

We're in Philly, whoo!

Time to get the big v.

Oh, stop it.

[Chuckles]

♪♪

Woman: Dr. McGinn will be
with you in just a few minutes.

- Thank you.
- You like those jeans?

I... they're fine
jeans, but they always...

You got your cold weather boots?

...they get fuzzies.
You know what I mean?

Jeanette: Jazz doesn't want
to do the colon vaginoplasty

that Dr. Reed has suggested.

So I have no idea really what to expect.

- Hello.
- Hi.

Good morning. How are you?

My name is Dr. Christine McGinn.

And I am a board-certified
plastic surgeon specializing

in transgender medicine and surgery.

The majority of my
patients have lived a life

where the identify as female.

And they have to wake up in
the morning and get dressed

and see parts that don't match.

And over a lifetime, that
can cause a lot of distress.

The simplified version of this surgery

is just to take everything
apart into its parts,

resize them into female proportions,

and then put it back
together in female positions.

Sounds easy, right?

- Yeah.
- Piece of cake.

It's very important for
you to not just focus

on the aesthetics of this,
but the function of it.

I will say, off the top,
that most people who are able

to have orgasm easily

before surgery can have
orgasm after surgery.

An orgasm is like a
reflex. It's like a sneeze.

It either happens or it doesn't happen.

I haven't experienced
any sexual sensation.

So when the doctors are saying
an orgasm is like a sneeze,

I don't even know what
she's talking about

because when I sneeze it definitely

doesn't feel that great.

[Scoffs] I don't know.
I haven't experienced it.

I'll let you know when the time comes.

So the other area of interest
is the G spot, which is inside.

Basically the prostate in
men and the G spot in women

is surrounded by
erogenous nerve endings.

And that's another place where
you can experience orgasm.

So your prostate is more like a G spot.

- Okay.
- It's your secret w*apon.

- [Laughter]
- Okay?

Fun.

This is a very uncomfortable
conversation to have.

It's very private. It's very personal.

If it wasn't because it
was important, you know,

I really wouldn't want to be
engaging in that conversation.

You've probably noticed since
you've started on estrogen,

your interest in sex has
gone down with the hormones

or maybe you just never had one?

Jazz: It is possible
that hormone suppression

has affected my libido.

I don't have the same signals

coming from my genitalia to my brain

and I don't have those
hormones driving me on.

- Let's move on to risks.
- Okay.

Dr. McGinn: Post-op
depression is very common.

You've had this major life event.

And it's normal to feel a little
blue a couple months after.

It doesn't mean you're having regret.

I'm extremely worried about
Jazz falling into a depression

after the surgery because her depression

is always lurking back there
and I don't want to poke it.

What we're worried about is,

are you mentally stable enough to do

what you need to do to
recover from surgery?

- Mm-hmm.
- We'll need two letters

from a therapist who specializes
in transgender medicine.

In my opinion therapy is the
most important part of all this.

If someone has a temporary
depression following surgery

and they don't feel like
doing their post-operative care

it can have lifetime results.

The hard part isn't over
after the surgery day.

It's really just beginning.

Jazz doesn't like going to
therapy, but she needs it.

So I'm almost relieved knowing
that she's going to have to go

to two therapists to get her letters

to have the surgeries.

Let's just do our exam and
then that way we can talk

about the surgery intelligently.

I don't know if the parents
want to stay here or not.

I'm going to excuse myself.

- Okay.
- Bye.

- Mom can stay with you.
- Bye-bye.

I had a dream last night
about me having a vag*na.

And it was a good dream.

But I think the reason why I had it was

because I've just been thinking
about this procedure so much.

When it comes to when I'm
going to get the procedure done,

how I'm going to get it done,

who I'm going to get it done with.

So her supprelin is
working really well, so...

[Laughter]

She has a very, very small penis.

So my concern is that we're
just now getting these children

who have been on
puberty-delaying hormones

and the penis never
has a chance to grow.

So when it comes to the surgery,
we don't have the raw materials

we need to make what we're used to.

Oh, no. Here it comes again.

I was hoping that she was
going to be like, "okay.

I've dealt with this.
You know, it's fine.

I have this option, this option."

Now I am just worrying
because I don't know

if there is any procedure
that will work on me

and lead to really great results.

So what that means is I prefer

a standard vaginoplasty for Jazz.

Jazz: Hell yes! I have enough material

to get the standard vaginoplasty.

It's what I know best
and that's what I wanted.

But I would like to do
the surgery in two parts.

A major surgery in the beginning
and then maybe months later,

do a procedure to finish
the aesthetic part.

I'm not thrilled that Jazz would
have to have a two-part surgery

because it would mean longer recovery.

And she's susceptible to depression,

so Jazz should not be
given too much down time.

Would the results be
different in any way?

What it's going to kind of look like

in the beginning is a Barbie doll.

You won't see much.

It'll just be an
opening to urinate from.

And then a couple months
later, I'll open it up.

And then the clitoris
and the labia minora

will be more visible for you.

I know what the standard
vaginoplasty is but

I wasn't expecting
this two-part procedure.

So I'm kind of feeling
a little bit conflicted.

How many times have you
done the two-part version

of this procedure?

You're probably only
about the fifth person.

Hearing that Dr. McGinn has only worked

on five other suppressed youth

when it comes to this procedure,

it's just a little bit scary.

Another thing we could do
is take testosterone cream

and put it right on your genitals.

It might be enough to get things to grow

without turning into a
man in a week or months

- or even a couple months.
- Yeah.

- Right?
- Yeah.

I'm looking at your face.
She's not... See how...

See that's gender dysphoria right there.

The thought of having
anything masculine,

like, freaks people out.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

For Jazz, her body isn't
aligned with her mind.

I think the thought of
trying to make it grow

is horrifying to her.

Jazz: Who would want one
part of their body to grow?

Especially if you're a girl.

You're wouldn't want your penis to grow.

What girl wants their penis to grow?!

Not this girl, and not any girl.

Dr. McGinn: I think it's very
useful for patients to hear from

other patients and
not just hear from me.

If you're going back to
the bed and breakfast,

I'm sure you could talk
to some other patients,

get a little sense of what it's like.

So I've had two consultations
with two different doctors

who offered contrasting opinions.

And I don't know which
one I think is best for me.

Since they contradicted one another

I've become even more confused.

If only I was born with a vag*na.

Yeah. That would solve that problem.

Amen, sister.

[Laughter]

♪♪

Look how pretty these flowers are.

Hey, you don't get to
see fall very often.

That was, like, a full day at school.

[Sighs]

My parents and I definitely
have a lot to discuss

after this consultation with Dr. McGinn

because we just received
a lot of new information.

And it's really important
that we sit down and focus

on comprehending it all.

Jeanette: What about, like, the cream?

It just might stimulate
things, like growth.

I don't want testosterone in
my system, for obvious reasons.

I don't want to see penis development.

That's so...

Ugh. Ew.

Sure, I would get those benefits,

but I'm not taking that risk.

When it comes to this
testosterone cream,

I'm worried about the
secondary male characteristics,

like a deeper voice, beard, mustache,

all those things that
I've been trying to avoid.

[Sneezing]

She said orgasms are like sneezes.

[Laughter]

I guess that's the only way
to describe it for somebody

who hasn't had one.

[Laughter]

At some point I was, like,
I was ready to cover my ears.

I think we're realizing
you're kind of undeveloped

in terms of libido, right?

Because you were suppressed
so early, I don't know,

I just wonder how you feel about that.

Why do I care if I experience libido?

Once you have one,
you'll be like, "damn.

This is what I've been missing?"

[Chuckles]

I've thought about sex before.

There's thinking about
it and then there's, like,

an urgency to want to do it.

When it comes to
discussing sexual activity,

I think Jazz is very cerebral about it.

And I think when you
start talking about libido,

part of me wants Jazz to somehow
experience some of a libido.

So I don't know how we get there.

Viagra?

[Laughter]

I don't think that's

an appropriate course of action.

Greg: So how often
do you think about it?

Do I think about having sex?

Yeah.

- Like, once a day.
- Do you?

- Yeah.
- Okay.

I think other kids think
about it, like, all day.

Even a lot of girls I
know, they think about it,

like, once every hour.

Apparently men think
about it once a minute

or something like that.

Once a minute?

[Laughter]

I'm sure I'll have a libido one day.

I'm in no rush.

Okay. Good. Like to hear that.

Bam.

I'm not worried about suppression

having long-term effects
on my sexual drive

because I know that once I fall in love

and I really admire
another individual that

I'm going to want to have sex with them.

What do you think was the
most unique information

that you learned today,
that you didn't know before?

I think the two-part surgery.
I knew nothing about that.

Did you guys?

I knew that some people had
to, but I didn't know why.

But I thought, like, she's
done procedures on other people

who were suppressed.

I guess they're not as suppressed...

She has. Five of them.

...but I thought she's done,
like, many more than that.

- And I don't...
- Five that had your situation.

This two-part surgery definitely
throws a wrench into things

because there's not tons and
tons of kids out there like Jazz.

And, you know, I wish there
had been a lot more before her

so this would be more routine.

You know, if there's somebody out there

that has more experience

with the suppressed teens,
it might be a way to go.

But I don't know if there is,
we're just learning right now.

It's just a lot to
think about, you know?

Okay. Well, we don't need
to make any decision today.

We're just... obviously we're
going to do more research.

Why did I have to be so suppressed?

♪♪

What was the most painful part?

When you get done with the surgery,

it's going to be a lot of pain.

It's going to be hard to walk.

It's going to be hard
to go to the bathroom.

For me, it was the worst pain
I have ever felt in my life.

Really?!

♪♪

- Hello.
- Hi.

Kita: You must be Jazz.

So you guys are Kita and Kayley?

- Yes.
- Well...

Or Kita? Oh.

[Laughter]

I got the wrong... sorry.

Jazz: Dr. McGinn put me in
touch with Kayley and Kita,

who have completed the bottom surgery.

And it's a great opportunity

because this procedure is a huge deal.

And you want to hear what
happened to other people

before it happens to you.

How are you feeling?
Especially after this,

about where you're leaning?

Are you sure that you're
going to do the surgery, or...?

I definitely want to do the surgery.

I just don't know the logistics, still.

So what was the most painful part?

Like, before surgery, after
surgery, during surgery, what?

When you get done with the surgery,

it's going to be a lot of pain.

For me, it was the worst pain
I have ever felt in me life.

- Really?!
- It's going to be hard to walk.

It's going to be hard
to go to the bathroom.

Everything is going to
be supremely difficult.

If I were to give Jazz any advice,

it's really just to stay strong.

There are going to be times
where she's going to want

to give up but if this is
something that she wants to do,

she's really going to be grateful.

It's just going to be
a blip on the radar,

and she'll barely even remember it.

The first time you saw it, how was it?

It was kind of...

I was so scared to see it.

Really?

Well, because it's a surgical site,

so it's, like, I don't want to look.

- You know what I mean?
- Yeah.

Yeah, but see, that
doesn't bother me at all.

- Yeah.
- So, like, "oh, cool."

I thought it looked like
Frankenstein, my franken-vag*na.

- I did feel like franken...
- Right?

Franken-vag*na.

[Laughter]

Those are your battle scars. You know?

Yeah.

You'll always be like,
"look what I did," you know?

Exactly.

Jazz: I definitely am
concerned about the scarring.

I'm hoping that it
won't have a major impact

on the way my vag*na looks

because I want something
that is beautiful,

and it's a part of my body.

If you could choose
how a part of your body

is going to look like,
wouldn't you want it

to look pretty good?

Before I had my surgery, I knew
myself, who I am, what I am.

But I still didn't have that confidence

because I'd always feel
like, "is bulge showing?

Why are people looking at me?"

But after my surgery, I had
this kind of sense of clarity

that enabled me to do

so many more things that I
normally would have not done.

Like wear leggings.

Yeah.

Yes.

- Yes.
- Yes.

[Laughter]

Jazz: Everyday things could become

major dysphoria for transgender people.

I mean, I have problems when
it comes to peeing in public.

I always think about if my pee pattern

sounds different from
the female pee pattern

because it kind of is,
like, more of a trinkle

instead of a steady stream.

So I'm always like, "oh, no.
I wonder if anyone notices

that I have a male pee pattern."

Anyway, it's just these little
things that really matter

and would make it easier
if I had the female anatomy.

One thing I was curious
about at the consultation

was the libido...

- Mm-hmm.
- ...like, how that changes

throughout the experience?

I think it depends on the person, too,

because, like, for me, when
I started taking hormones,

it definitely went, "blah."

Having experienced a sexual relationship

before I transitioned and
now one after the transition,

it's definitely different.

If you're not having
orgasms prior to the surgery,

its going to be harder
to have them after.

Well, how will I know if
it's hard or easy for me

if I haven't had the
chance to experience it?

Only one way to find out.

No, girl.

[Laughter]

Just kidding. Just kidding.

When you're having an
orgasm, it's pretty obvious

because, especially
if you haven't had one

before, like, you can't miss it.

Right.

It's, like, "turn off to
the side. You can't miss it."

"You can't miss it." Right.

[Laughter]

Wow.

Yeah, so you'll know. Trust us.

- You will know.
- Okay.

Jazz: Who knows what
it's going to be like?

But I definitely feel like sex
is a big part of relationships.

And once I have the vag*na,
I could visualize and feel,

sensationalize what it
may be like to have sex.

Kita: You know, a lot of girls,
they think getting a vag*na

is going to be the fix
for a lot of the problems

that they're having.
It's like, "oh, my god.

If I just get this sex change,
it's going to fix everything."

And it's not.

When you go through the surgery, yes,

physically change, you change.

But as a person, you're still you.

You're still Jazz.

You know, I definitely
appreciate all the advice

you guys had to offer.

We don't want you to be scared of it.

We want you to go into it educated.

Exactly. And knowing what you
can and can't expect, so...

Yeah, yeah.

Jazz: Knowing that I am one
of the first transgender youths

to get a lot of these
procedures done is scary

because we don't have
this history to draw upon.

So I feel like I still
need to do more research,

but I also know that
trying these new things

helps people who follow after me.

So I'm willing to pave the way

for the future vaginas of America.

[Laughs]

But it is a pretty magical surgery.

I will say that.

Awesome.

♪♪

Jazz: Next time on "I Am Jazz"...

We got to start planning
out Jazz's birthday.

[Cheers and applause]

- How old are you?
- .

[Laughter]

Jeanette: After having met
with Dr. Reed and Dr. McGinn,

I'm more confused than ever.

So we just came from a
doctor who was very confident

that she could do the penile
skin inversion technique.

I was somewhat surprised
to hear that someone

would offer her penile
skin inversion technique.

I don't think she has so many
options for this operation.

All right.

Jazz: My mom is trying to
force me into more therapy,

and it's really annoying.

You think some random
individual who doesn't even

know who I am internally
will have the answers

to my questions?

No!

She's going to therapy.
No choice. That's it.