03x05 - Dating in the Dark

[bunniefuu]

Previously on "I Am Jazz"...

- Happy birthday!
- Oh, my god.

This is too much!

Jeanette: I have to say, we did a
pretty good job for Jazz's sweet .

Jazz was so happy, and there
are so many times that she's not.

My mom thinks I have social anxiety.

I think she
needs to go to therapy.

You think some random
individual who doesn't even know

who I am internally will have
the answers to my questions?

No!

Have you ever heard
of dating in the dark?

Like, legit where
people date in the dark?

They won't even really know who you are

apart from a name and a voice.

- There's nothing to lose.
- Okay.

This is, like, the only
time you'll her Jazz saying

that she's willing to
go on a fricking date.

Jazz: years ago, I was
assigned male at birth,

but inside, I always knew I was a girl.

I have a girl brain and a boy body.

Being transgender hasn't been easy.

This is definitely not
a straightforward case.

I don't think you have many
options for a vaginoplasty.

- I had a lot of fun.
- I had a great time.

- Have a great day.
- That sounds like a date.

It's not a date!

But it's made me who I am.

I am Jazz.

♪♪

- Hey, Jazz.
- Hey.

- Hello.
- Here's my new kitty!

He's being crazy. Lookit.
He just dives in the air.

I invited Jay, Tayack, and
Noelle to do makeovers today.

And when it comes to doing makeup,

I actually am starting to enjoy doing it

on other people if I just practice more.

So, Noelle, you're my test subject.

So, what is primer?

You put it on your face, and basically,

it holds your makeup
once you put it on later.

- I'm so sorry.
- It's okay.

I don't even know what I'm doing to you.

Looks like peanut butter.

[Laughter]

That's what was on your face.

Are you excited about
dating in the dark?

What's dating in the dark?

We are going to a place where
you have meals in the dark,

and for each course of a meal,

you're going to date one person,
and they're not going to be able

to see who you are
or what you look like.

They're only going to know
your voice and your name.

That sounds fun and mysterious.

You know, I'm just trying to have fun.

I haven't gone on a date in awhile,

and then I feel like it will
also be good for, like, Jazz.

I hope that through dating in the dark,

Jazz will come out with less
anxieties she has about dating,

and this will open up her social circle

so that she can get over the fears

she has about interacting with people.

I don't really date normally.

- She says it's pressure.
- Well, like, there is pressure,

'cause all your friends are like,

"oh, you guys are going to
be lovers forever and ever."

And you're like, "but I haven't
even met the person yet."

Sometimes, I don't like dating
because I feel like there

is this pressure to
already like this person

because you feel like
you're being set up,

but I agreed to do dating in the dark

because you don't even
know who the person is,

and if you don't like them,
you can be awkward,

because you're never
going to see them again.

Are you guys going to tell the people

that you're talking to that
you're transgender or not?

It just depends. I mean,
I don't necessarily think

you have to first thing,

because I feel like,
if they get to know me

and then I add at the end, you
know, "I'm also transgender.

I think you should know that,"

then their judgment isn't clouded

from the beginning, you know?

Dating in the dark is really cool

because someone could get to
know me for my inner qualities

rather than my physical characteristics.

I'm not Jazz, the
transgender girl, anymore.

I'm just Jazz.

And that's probably going
to be, like, the first words

to come out of my mouth.

Like, I don't think I
really have a choice.

Unlike Jazz, my voice is a challenge

that I've had to go through

because I went through male
puberty before transitioning.

So I'm going to tell
all the guys that I date

that I'm a trans girl

just because my voice is
either going to give it away

or freak them out.

So, Jazz, are you excited for pride?

Yes. I am excited for
pride. I love pride.

You don't even understand.

Orlando Pride is a
huge parade and festival

where the LGBTQ community unites,

and we all march together, hand in hand,

with our beautiful colors,

the rainbow, and, you
know, we just be ourselves.

This is my first pride,
so I'm pretty excited

just to see how it turns out.

Really? This is your first pride?

Mm-hmm. I was always too...

Like, a little scared to go to prides

just because there were so many
things happening and, like...

- Like the sh**ting in Orlando?
- Yeah.

There was the Pulse sh**ting,
and I was just too scared to go.

It was pretty horrific. It was scary.

I know a lot of members
in the community feared

for their own safety
because they're like, "yeah.

People will go to extreme measures

in order to eradicate minorities,"

and it's just awful.

Tragic events like the Pulse
sh**ting give me more motivation

to attend events like Orlando Pride

because we have to show
that we still have a voice,

and we represent this group of people

in our society who exist.

We should be really proud of, you know,

what we've accomplished

as individuals and as a community.

- Yep.
- [Laughter]

- Meet my new friend.
- [Laughter]

You look beautiful, Noelle.

- Seriously, you're so bad.
- Like, this was going so good.

I think that you guys should go
to dating in the dark like this.

I am so far ahead of
you in the makeup game.

It's not even funny.

[Laughter]

♪♪

Hello!

So how was your makeover?

You don't look made over.

I didn't get my makeup done.
I did Noelle's makeup instead.

I went crazy on Noelle's face.

Um, I wanted to tell you
about something, actually.

Noelle invited me to something

called dating in the dark.

It's like speed dating.

And you said, "no,"
because that's something

that Jazz would never do.

Um, no. I actually said yes.

Jeanette: I'm definitely
surprised that Jazz wants

to do dating in the dark.

If I brought something like that
up to her, she'd be like, "no."

So this is pretty shocking.

Why would you say yes,
when, the last time

you went out on a date, you, like,

felt awkward and weird
and uncomfortable?

Because it's in the dark, so, like,

they're not going to
judge me for my appearance.

They're going to like
me for my personality.

And you eat, too.
Anything with food? Mm-hmm.

Are you going to say
like, "hey. Hi. I'm Jazz.

I'm a transgender girl," or...

I'm not going to tell them my name.

Oh, you won't even do a name?

It's, like, anonymous?

I'm going to be super anonymous until...

Bachelor number one,
bachelor number two?

Yeah, until you meet them
in the light, I guess.

You choose the ones
that you want to meet

if you have a connection with them,

and then, in the light,
you could give them

more information, like
your name, everything,

and then, you know,

maybe I'll tell them I'm transgender.

Like, you don't think... I don't
have to tell them first thing?

No. No, no, no.

We have a rule that anybody
she goes on a date with

needs to know she's trans

before they go anywhere or do anything.

But with dating in the dark,

Jazz can kind of cloak
herself in the dark there

and be anonymous, and you know what?

That's kind of a cool thing for her.

So I think, if she doesn't
want to let the person know

until the end of the date, it's okay.

I'm excited, though. I
wish that I could do it,

but I'm married, so
that's not going to happen.

But it's exciting.

[Singsong voice] You're
going to date in the dark.

Okay. Don't get too excited.

Just make sure you brush your teeth.

You don't want bad breath in the dark.

Oh, shush.

♪♪

♪♪

Look at all this food.

Yeah, so much for
cutting back on calories.

- All right. Thank you.
- Thank you.

- Appreciate it.
- My pleasure.

I'm sitting here in what I think of

as the kids' favorite pizza restaurant.

It was great seeing the kids
at lips, but it was too brief.

- Yeah.
- I'm excited.

We're going to see them this weekend.

We have a lot going on right now.

You know, it's good for
me to keep busy like this,

so I'm not at home, mourning the fact

that my kids are not in their rooms,

but at least I get to see
them this weekend before pride.

Yay! Happy, happy, joy, joy.

Well, I'm happy.

- Yeah? Why are you happy?
- Yeah.

Because Jazz wants to go

to this thing called dating in the dark.

I'm like, "what are
we even talking about?"

She has reservations about
going on dates anyway.

Why would you want to go on a date

when you have no idea who you're
about to go on a date with?

She's not interested in
dating in the light, so...

How do they exactly get introduced?

I mean, is there, like...

Do you just go into a room initially?

Mm-hmm.

When Jazz has gone on a date

or some type of social
event in the past,

the results haven't been great.

So is it completely pitch black?

Pitch black. She was
really gung-ho on this.

I think that will be a
cool... It's a cool idea.

- Yeah.
- It's kind of funny.

It's kind of like "the dating game"

when we were growing up.

Jazz is so big on the
content of the character,

and if you think about it,

I guess that's what makes it make sense.

She'll be able to sit there,

not have any judgment
about what they look like,

and then she'll just know
whether or not she likes them

just based on how they converse.

So, I talked to one
of the people at pride.

We're going to be on a float with Jazz

with one of the survivors from
the Pulse nightclub sh**ting.

That's an honor. Obviously,

the Pulse event was such a tragic event.

Yeah.

The Pulse sh**ting was
one of the most horrific

events in American history.

Man: For people who are just waking up,

let me tell you what we know.

This is a sh**ting that
happened at Pulse Orlando.

It's a gay nightclub
in downtown Orlando,

the heart of the city.

It is with great sadness
that I share we have not

but casualties in
addition to the sh**t.

There are another
that are hospitalized.

This is the first
pride parade in Orlando

since the Pulse nightclub tragedy,

and we really feel like it's important

for our family to be there.

Have you talked to the folks
that coordinate security?

Mm-hmm. Because of Pulse,

the whole police force is in on this.

It couldn't be more secure.

Okay.

Hopefully, Jazz won't
get too overwhelmed,

but you know how she
gets in large crowds.

- Mm-hmm.
- And people will be coming up

to her like, "oh, my god!"

Jazz, in many ways, is
very... I wouldn't say private

because she doesn't care
what people know about her.

She likes her privacy, and
especially at a pride parade,

a lot of people know who she
is, and they come up to her,

and that's something that
gives her social anxiety,

and it's hard.

We'll have to find space.
That's all I can say is,

if it looks like she's
getting overwhelmed,

got to create the space.

♪♪

Jeanette: ♪ dating in the dark ♪

[Vocalizes]

I don't even know how I feel.

I don't even know what
to expect, honestly.

I would be more nervous
about the food, like,

I don't like putting things
in my mouth that I can't see.

- I know, and I'm wearing white.
- [Chuckles]

So how are you girls feeling about this?

I wasn't even nervous
until, like, right now.

- Really?
- Yeah, 'cause, like,

I'm going to have to be like,

"hey. I'm trans," but I'm
going to have to do it in a way

that doesn't, like, seem forceful.

Mm-hmm. Well, if it comes
up in the conversation.

It's going to come up, 'cause the guys

will most likely be confused

why there's another guy at the table.

I really hope that people
will accept me for who I am.

The worst thing that can
happen is that they reject me

when they hear my voice right
at the beginning of the date.

I think the part that makes
me nervous is the selection.

What if, like, no one chooses me?

It's just like... It would be lame.

It's kind of a little bit
scary because I want them

to get to know me for my personality

and not judge me by anything else.

So if I am rejected, it would
mean that they didn't like me

for who I am as an individual.

_

- Hello.
- Hi.

- Hey, guys.
- Hi. Nice to meet you.

- I'm Jazz.
- I'm Julia.

- This is weird, right?
- [Laughter]

- Yeah.
- Hello, ladies.

- Hi.
- Welcome to dating in the dark,

a unique twist on speed dating
where you get to know somebody

before you actually get to see them.

At dating in the dark,
there are four courses,

and you talk to a different guy

at each course, and then, afterwards,

the girls choose who they
want to meet in the light,

and then the guys, in a separate room,

choose who they want
to meet in the light.

And if it's a mutual connection,

then you get to meet them in the light.

- Ready to get started?
- Yeah.

- All right.
- Oh, boy.

I'm going to turn off the lights here.

- Oh, no. Here it goes, guys.
- Oh, my god.

- Oh, my gosh.
- Oh, there we go.

When the lights turn off,
it becomes really... real.

Noelle: Oh, that is fun.

It is dark.

I'm not going to lie to
you. You're so annoying.

But it's so great, though.

It's so great to be annoying. [Laughs]

Dating in the dark has
been an interesting night.

You know, you're just
kind of being rude.

I would say that in the light every day.

_

- Ready to get started?
- Yeah.

All right. You can feel for the chair.

Jazz: Wait. I think
people entered the room.

There you go.

In the dark, I'm not
going to tell the person

that I'm transgender

because, if I'm not interested in them,

then they don't need to more about me.

It doesn't even matter.

If I like them and I want
to meet them in the light,

then I have to consider whether
I should tell them or not.

- Hi. Nice to meet you.
- Hey. How you doing?

Nice to meet you. Do you have a hand?

Yes. Wait.

Okay. Um...

This room is pitch black.

I honestly just cannot see anything.

Hopefully there's not any ghosts
in here because, otherwise,

this is going to be
"Paranormal Activity."

- Hello, there.
- Hello.

- It's nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.

I'd shake your hand right now,

but I'm not entirely sure
where my hands are positioned.

Yeah. So tell me a
little about yourself.

Like, what do you want to do in
the future, like, career path?

[Indistinct conversations]

I will answer those questions, but...

I was actually, like, a
little nervous for this.

Um, I am transgender.

Mm-hmm.

Um, but, like, I don't want my voice

- to freak you out or anything.
- _

His reaction to me telling him I'm trans

is honestly, like, a
weight lifted off my chest.

It gives me hope that more
people will be accepting of me.

Jazz: So, how old are you?

Well, I'm going to be in months.

So have you graduated high school?

Nope. I actually did not.

- Really?
- No.

So do you go to school online?

Nope. Not... not even.

So what's your, like, favorite hobby?

Well, I actually don't
really have a hobby.

Jazz: This guy really isn't trying
to start up any conversation,

and the fact that he hasn't
even graduated high school,

I think that's a little
bit of a turnoff for me.

Man: Okay. Everyone, I'm going
to reposition the gentlemen.

Ladies, you're going to
stay right where you're at.

Oh, my god. Hello.

Meeting so many people
at one time, it's crazy.

- Yeah.
- So what's up?

- You having a good time?
- Yeah.

Nice.

Is there anything, like,

you enjoy the most,
like, you like to do?

I mean, I like to play
soccer for my school.

- Soccer?
- Yeah.

Is that hard? Like, I tried
doing it for a little bit,

but, like, all they made me do is goalie

- 'cause I couldn't kick it right.
- Oh, for real?

Yeah.

When you are looking for someone
to date, what do you look for?

I like people that are, you
know, sincere, you know, funny.

- What about you?
- I like nerds.

- You like nerds?
- Are you a nerd?

No, I'm far away from a nerd.

All right. That concludes this course.

- Hello, new person. What's up?
- Yes. Hi.

Are you having a good
time, or is this...

You asked me, "what's up?"
And I'm going to explain that.

So, "what's up?" Is the vast abyss

of non-existence.

Wait, what? [Laughs]

Yeah, right?

Are you sure you're not Noelle?

This guy is saying things
that Noelle would say.

He definitely is a little bit out there.

I am an alien.

All right.

So what's your ambition in life?

My ambition is life.

[Indistinct conversations]

It's that simple but that complicated.

So, okay. For real, though,

like, what do you want
to be when you grow up?

I want to be... me.

- Dude, you're so annoying.
- I am.

I'm so... I know. I know.

I'm not going to lie to
you. You're so annoying.

But it's so great, though.

It's so great to be annoying. [Laughs]

You just sound so arrogant to me.

I don't like to be rude to people,

but, I mean, like, if you're
trying to get to know someone,

you want to be nice and respectful.

You don't want to just
be like, "I'm an alien,"

and, like, whatever. For some people,

they take this seriously, you know?

We want to find love and whatever,

and, you know, you're
just kind of being rude.

- Like...
- I would say that in the light

every day, not just the dark.

All right. The next course
will be in just a moment.

So far, dating in the dark
has been an interesting night.

I haven't made a connection at all,

so, honestly, I don't have
my expectations set too high.

- Hi. Nice to meet you.
- Hello. Nice to meet you.

- How's everything?
- Good.

This is very interesting, right?

This is a very interesting environment.

Ooh, you have a cool voice.
It's, like, raspy right?

Thank you so much.

So you're in high school, right?

- Yeah.
- What grade are you in?

Sophomore. What about you?

Oh, I'm a sophomore, too. Cool.

- Really?
- Yeah.

- That's awesome.
- I'm .

- Same!
- Nice!

So are you, like, looking for
a relationship or not really?

Um, I am,

- but I'm scared...
- Okay.

...because the last "thing"
I had, I guess you could say,

the girl that I was with,

she played me, basically.

But at the end of the day, I realized

you can't think that
everyone's like that.

- Yeah.
- You know? I have to just

go with the flow and see what happens.

- That's what I'm doing.
- Yeah.

Oh, that's what I always say,

"go with the flow and
just see what happens."

Mm-hmm.

The best thing about talking
to this guy in the dark

is how easy the conversation flowed.

I feel like it wasn't awkward at all,

and he had really good
opinions on things.

Can you prove anything other
than the fact you're self-aware?

How do you know anything is real?

You... well, the only way to know

that if anything is real
is to know what is fake.

Like, what is life?

Like, seriously.

- That's something I'd ask. I...
- Really?

- Yeah.
- [Laughs]

Noelle: It's exciting knowing
that dating in the dark

is going a lot easier
than I thought it was,

and I'm really hoping that I can meet

with this guy outside the room.

Ooh, what is this?

I really couldn't tell you. [Chuckles]

We've been talking about
so many deep things,

but, like, is there anything,
like, on a lighter note

that you want to share?

- Um, I have a cat.
- [Gasps] Me, too.

Do you like animals a lot?

I love animals. Cats are the best.

I just got a new kitten,

- so I have four now.
- [Gasps]

You have four cats?

Four cats, yes.

You're so lucky! I have
one. His name's Simon.

- He's my baby.
- Oh, little kitty!

- And I love him so much.
- I love kitties!

Okay, good. I'm glad you like cats.

Man: Okay, everyone.

This concludes the dating in the dark.

We're going to take the
gentlemen out of the room,

and then the lights
are going to come up.

- It was nice talking to you.
- Nice to talk to you, too.

This guy and I seem to
have a lot in common.

He was the only one who I feel like

I made a real, true connection with,

and he seems like a really cool person.

I'm amazed about how little I spilled.

At one point, though, I
did use my phone as a napkin

- without realizing it.
- [Laughter]

- Get out.
- Wait.

- That's so funny.
- Did you guys think...

Some of them were pretty
arrogant, I thought.

- Didn't you?
- Yeah.

- One of them...
- I liked Philosophy Guy.

Oh, I had him. I told him off.

[Laughter]

And then... wait. Who else was there?

There was the guy with the raspy voice.

I thought he was nice.

All right, ladies. Moment of truth.

We've spoken to all the gentlemen.

If you made a connection
with the same person

that made a connection with you,

then you will get to
meet them in the light.

I'm hoping to meet the guy with
the raspy voice in the light

because we clearly made a connection,

and I think that something
could work out between us.

But he has to choose me back

in order for me to
meet him in the light.

So who knows what's going to happen?

We'll just have to wait and see.

_

All right, ladies. Moment of truth.

If you'd like to, stand up and join me.

- Thank you.
- You are very welcome.

- Noelle, I have some good news.
- Yes?

Your connection also made
a connection with you.

Are you ready to meet him?

- I'm ready as I'll ever be.
- All right. Let's do this.

Noelle: I chose to
meet with Philosophy Guy

because he's passionate
about what he speaks about,

and I really do hope that he
will like me once he sees me.

All right, Noelle,
here is your connection.

- Hi.
- It's nice to meet you again.

- Nice to meet you.
- I'm Noelle.

I'm Gavin.

I'm sorry. I'm actually a little
bit more nervous right now...

- Yeah.
- ...than I was in there.

I didn't think anyone would have
the mutual connection with me.

We finished on a really
good conversation.

- We talked about philosophy.
- We did, a lot.

- Um...
- It was really cool.

- Um...
- Yeah.

I was wondering,

would you want to do
something like this again,

like a normal date,
you know, in the light?

I can't say I'd...

Like, to be, like, genuine,

I can't say that I would like
to take it to another date,

but I'd really like to
get to know you more.

It did hurt a little
when Gavin did reject me

just because it's still someone

rejecting your personality
or your identity.

- Can I give you a hug?
- Of course.

Coming out of this, I do, however,

think I learned more
about myself in total,

and I'm not going to be
crushed by his decision.

All right, Jazz. Here is
the connection that you made.

- Hello!
- Hey.

- Shane, that'd be me.
- Yes, raspy voice dude.

- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.

- Did you enjoy that?
- It was a lot of fun, honestly.

It was really cool,

- and the food was good, too.
- The food was great.

Oh, my god. What was your
favorite, like, course,

food-wise?

I know I'm a nutrition guy.

- But dessert?
- But the cookie was so good.

- Oh, my god. Yes.
- I was eating the cookie,

I'm like, "goodbye,
six-pack," as I'm eating it,

- but it was really good.
- [Laughs]

Jazz: I wasn't expecting to make

a legitimate connection with someone,

so I'm nervous about
how he's going to react

when I tell him I'm transgender.

So, I feel like I want
to tell you something.

♪♪

I'm transgender, which means
I was born biologically male,

but I've always been a girl,

and I expressed that to my family,

and they supported me for who I am.

♪♪

That's an incredible
story, and you're awesome.

Like, you're the person you are today.

You blossomed to be someone awesome.

- Thank you.
- That rhymed.

Blossomed to be someone awesome.

Yeah, that's true.

Shane: She is awesome. She's so sweet.

She's a very pretty girl.

The connection I made wasn't
with the look of the girl.

It was with the girl in the dark,

and I got the same person in the light.

- So, it was great to meet you.
- It was great to meet you, too.

Actually, I was wondering, do
you mind if I get your number?

- Sure! Of course!
- Thanks.

I think its the first
time in my entire life

that a guy has asked for my number,

so I'm really excited,

and I'm hoping that he texts me.

- Let me give you a hug.
- Yay!

Dating in the dark was
actually surprisingly fun,

and maybe a relationship
could work out between us.

♪♪

Ugh.

- Hello.
- Hi, girls.

It's the datees, the daters.

So, tell me everything.

Noelle: Like, all the guys were
nice, but when the lights were on,

I sat down with one of the guys.

- Oh, okay.
- And, you know, he told me

up-front, like, "no. I don't
want to go on a date with you."

He's like, "but we can be friends."

But, like, I didn't know what to say,

because, you know, it was awkward.

- Yeah.
- But I appreciated

how nice he was.

Jazz: It makes me feel really
bad that Noelle got rejected,

because she really is a great person,

and I love her as a friend,

and I hope it wasn't because
of her being transgender.

Maybe you'll just hang out as friends.

It sounds like you have
some stuff in common.

Yeah.

But one of them did like Jazz.

So, I met Shane in the
light, and he was very sweet.

He was saying how he just wants
to go with the flow in life,

and I was saying the same thing,

so we have a lot of the same morals.

And I told him that I was transgender.

And how did he react to that?

He asked for my number.

- What? What?
- Yeah, so I gave him it.

A cis boy asked for your number?!

If he were to call
you and be like, "hey.

You want to hang out?"
Would you say yes?

Maybe. Yeah, I would go.

Jeanette: I think that this
dating in the dark thing

is a very positive turn for Jazz.

You know, she needs
to have a normal kind

of high school experience
where she dates a little.

And that's a great thing to
have a guy that likes you.

Well, I'm happy for you guys.

Sounds like you had fun if anything.

Bucket list? Check.

[Chuckles]

- What's up?
- Hello.

Jazz: Hanging out with
my brother's friends,

it's kind of nerve-racking.

When I think of, like,
fraternities and sororities,

I don't think of, like,
the most open-minded people.

I think it's going to
be a lot harder for you

than it is a normal girl
to walk into a party.

♪♪

You must be so excited
about seeing the kids.

I'm looking forward to spending
some quality time with them

because, like, when we
got to see them at lips,

like, they came.

We saw a show, and then they left.

It was a tease.

Jazz: My parents, Noelle
and I are on our way

to the Orlando Pride parade,

and we're visiting
Gainesville to see my brothers

and my sister along the way.

It's the University of Florida.

I'm going to try not to cry,

'cause it's awful when I get like that.

I hate it. Like, what's wrong with me?

Yeah. You're going to have to say hello,

which is going to make you cry.

And then, when you got to say goodbye,

is that going to make you cry?

Yes. [Chuckles]

_

_

♪♪

♪♪

[Chuckling] Hey.

[Sniffles, sobs]

She's already crying.

[Laughter]

You're like a faucet. The
minute we walked in there...

I don't know. I just,
you know... I miss them.

You're so skinny. It's,
like, freaking me out.

How much weight did you lose?

I lost pounds, I think.

Everybody gains weight in college.

I sent two boys off to college.

They were, you know,
getting beefy and full,

and I'm like, "what happened to you?"

They're skinny. I don't know

if they're taking care of themselves.

They've looked better.

- You need to eat.
- You want to feed us?

- Yeah.
- All right.

Let's go get some food.

♪♪

_

_

Mom, you should come up
every weekend and feed me.

I was going to bring
you chicken noodle soup,

but Dad and I have been so busy

getting everybody ready
for the pride parade.

- Wait. It's in Orlando, right?
- Yeah.

That's actually very
fitting for it to be there.

- Yeah.
- It's very disappointing

that Sander and I can't
attend the pride parade

with Jazz and my parents

because of pledging and schoolwork,

but I'm sure they're going
to have an amazing time

and represent our family well there.

How's high school?

I have a lot going on.

I've had three consultations
about my bottom surgery.

- Cool.
- Did you guys know about that?

- Keep going.
- So, we went

to three different doctors.

The first one had not had any experience

working with someone who is suppressed.

In fact, he didn't really
even know what blockers were,

so that was kind of, like, "oh, okay.

Maybe I shouldn't go to you."

And then, the second doctor said
I could put testosterone cream

that he's used for
female-to-male transgender people

and put it right on my... area.

[Chuckles]

Obviously, I've anticipated
conversations like this.

I just try to forget that
they're ever going to happen.

And then we went to the third doctor.

He said colon-vaginoplasty.

- Colon? Where's your colon?
- [Laughter]

I'm like, "boy, how are
you in college right now?"

So for months, my vag*na would smell.

- Oh, that's gross.
- It is gross.

Jeanette: No, that's not true.

Also, it produces mucus,
so it's a natural lubricant.

No lube necessary.

- Yay.
- No, now you're starting

- to make me not want to eat.
- [Laughter]

Jazz: Even if my brothers
would prefer to not hear

about my future vag*na,
it doesn't matter

'cause they're going
to hear about it anyway.

She is a new part of
the family, basically,

and they have to be introduced to her.

Jeanette: So, you made
a lot of new friends?

Oh, yeah. Right now, our pledge class

has kids, so I have brothers.

Like, if you're not part
of a fraternity or sorority,

is it possible to, like,
have a social life...

- Yeah.
- ...and be studious?

Honestly, like, as a girl
you don't really have to be

in a sorority to be social.

It just lets you meet more
guys when you're in a sorority.

Sorority life does
not interest me at all.

Why? Too much social stuff?

Yes.

I don't think I want
to be in a sorority.

I am not a social
butterfly like my siblings.

For me, it's just, I prefer
to be more in a relaxed setting

where it's just maybe one or two friends

rather than hanging out
with sorority sisters.

That's just too much.

We might have to work on getting
Jazz to be a little more social.

You don't want to just
be alone all the time.

For sure.

Even though dating in
the dark was successful,

that doesn't mean her
social anxiety is cured.

Unfortunately, being
around a lot of people

is still extremely overwhelming for her.

Later, when we invite
all of our friends over,

I definitely want you to meet
some of our pledge brothers.

Like, these kids are going
to be our best friends

for probably the rest of our lives.

We want you to meet them,
make some new friends.

Jazz: I guess I'm
going to have to do it,

but hanging out with
my brothers' friends,

it's kind of a little bit nerve-racking.

I don't really like being
around a large group of people.

It just gives me so much anxiety.

♪♪

This is the elevator.
We're going up to floor six.

So, are these mostly your frat friends,

or are these just general... a mix?

It's kind of a general mix.

Knock? You just walk in?

What's up?

- Hello.
- Hey.

- Aubrey.
- Come sit. Come join us.

It's nice to meet you. I'm Noelle.

I think I'm much more
open to meeting new people

and experiencing the
college life than Jazz,

just because I feel like she has
much more anxieties than I do.

I'm glad I can be here,

because I'm thinking
about joining a sorority

when I go to college.

I feel like it's the final
step in truly being a girl,

just being admitted into sisterhood.

What do you guys normally do
here when you're not partying?

Sander: When you're not partying,
you're normally studying.

It's really not a party every night.

Like, I maybe go out two,
three times a week, maybe.

When I was a freshman, I went out a lot.

My roommate had to move out on me.

Sander: Jazz, we need to take you
to an actual college party once.

That would be fun.

No.

That's not my thing.

You don't understand. College, like,

that's how you become
friends with people.

I don't care that my
brother calls me out.

It's just that they know
I have social anxiety

around a large group of people,

and I wish that everyone
could just respect that.

Man: Jazz, would you want to rush?

I don't know if I would
want to rush, honestly.

I'm going to be completely honest.

When I think of, like,
fraternities and sororities,

I don't usually think of,
like, the most liberal,

open-minded people.

- Mm-hmm.
- And, like, in high school,

I already have a hard
time meeting new people

because I'll speak in my voice, and...

I understand what you're
thinking. I do get it.

I do think its going to
be a lot harder for you

than it is a normal girl
to walk into a party.

I know, like, me personally,
obviously, I'd let you in,

but it is going to be
more difficult for you.

But, like, where you're meant
to be, if you do rush, like,

you will end up, like,
where you're supposed to be.

And they will accept
you for who you are.

But, like, would your
sorority accept a trans girl?

Um, I do not speak for,
like, my sorority as a whole,

but, like, they're very, very sweet.

The group doesn't put
my mind at ease at all,

because they all but outright said that,

"a lot of people won't accept you."

Jazz: I know that, for the most part,

college kids are really
open-minded and accepting,

but not everyone in the world
is ready for girls like us.

♪♪

[Crowd cheering]

Greg: I think that's
the float right there.

We are going to be on this float

with a survivor of the
Pulse nightclub sh**ting.

♪♪

Jeanette: To see his b*llet
wounds, I just got angry,

like, "why do things like this happen?"

♪♪

_

Whoo!

We're at Pride Orlando.

We're off to see the pride parade.

Oh, my god. I feel... this is
too "wizard of oz" right now.

This pride event is much more meaningful

because this tragic event

towards the LGBTQ
community occurred here,

so seeing all of these
people coming together,

it's just so amazing.

Greg: I feel like we're meeting people

on the yellow or red brick road here.

[All scream]

I'm so excited for today,
because I'm meeting up

with all of my friends...
Skylar, her mom,

Noelle and her mom...

- Come join the party.
- How are you guys?

I love this.

...and Raymond Braun,
the true living rainbow.

- Hi!
- Oh!

- Happy pride!
- It's the rainbow.

I brought the rainbow
for you. You look so good.

- Ah!
- I love these.

Functions like pride festivals

give me a little bit
of anxiety sometimes

because it's such a large crowd,

so I'm grateful to have my
friends and my family with me.

_

- Thank you.
- _

- Thank you. Thank you.
- _

[Laughs] Thanks.

When we are at events like pride,

which is an LGBTQ community event,

Jazz is pretty well-known.

_

_

_

[Chuckles] Hi.

I can't say exactly how many,

but I would say the vast
majority of people there

are going to recognize her.

_

Oh, thank you. Thank you.

_

That's very kind.

_

_

Thank you.

Knowing that Jazz has affected
so many people in a positive way

just gives me enormous pride.

I can't describe it in words.

- _
- Awesome.

- Thank you.
- Nice to meet you.

All right. Let's keep going.

♪♪

She would like a photo with you, Jazz.

Woman: Hi, Jazz.

Thanks!

Get together. One, two, three, smile.

Aww, cute! [Chuckles]

♪♪

This is crazy.

I don't know if I like...

I don't like these type of situations.

Yeah.

Jazz: When I'm in
large crowds like these,

people start to recognize me.

They say, "hi," and it's really sweet.

They're all saying amazing things,

but then my social
anxiety begins to build up.

- Awesome.
- Awesome.

- Thank you.
- No problem.

Jazz still does these large events

because she really wants
to share her message.

She wants to make a difference,

but she's going against

what she's comfortable with, really.

Jeanette: Sometimes, this
personality that she has

of wanting to be alone

is conflicting with the fact

that she wants to help other
people in her advocacy work.

So for my thesis, I wrote
a six-page paper about you.

- That's crazy. That's awesome.
- Yeah, and I was wondering,

can just take a quick picture with you?

- Yes, of course.
- Do you want me to take it?

- That'd be great.
- Sure.

Jeanette: Jazz puts on a happy face,

because, when people look up to you,

you don't want to be rude to them,

but it's very easy to tell
when Jazz gets overwhelmed.

She basically just shuts down.

♪♪

Jazz: Once, you know, a lot of attention

has been steered towards my direction,

it does become overwhelming,
because I get this anxiety.

Greg: It's just hard when you're
being stopped and approached

and that kind of thing all the time?

I guess so.

You appreciate what the person says,

and you appreciate that you
can positively affect them,

but, I don't know.

I feel guilty, because
I want to hear them.

I want to thank them, but
it's just so overwhelming,

so I have to go away, get
a little bit of a breather,

and get myself motivated
to be in this parade.

[Car horn honks]

[Indistinct conversations]

Greg: I think that's
the float right there.

- Okay.
- Hello.

Nice to see you guys.
I'm Sheralyn with Merit.

Thank you guys so much
for being with us today.

I wanted to introduce
you to Christopher.

- Hi. Nice to meet you.
- Hi.

Jazz: We are going to be on
this float together with Chris,

who is a survivor of the
Pulse nightclub sh**ting,

and I'm so honored to meet him.

I remember hearing on the news,
and I just couldn't believe...

- Mm-hmm.
- ...that this is going on

in our country.

_

_

_

_

_

_

So did you get injured during...

Yes.

_

- Oh, wow.
- Oh, my goodness.

_

_

_

_

As a mom, it was so hard

to hear about what happened.

I was holding back my tears,

and then, to see his b*llet wounds,

I just got almost, like, angry,

like, "why do things
like this have to happen?"

_

_

Oh, you were able to run out?

_

Like, I'm glad that you're here,
that you get to see all of this.

Yeah. Thank you.

I can't imagine what it was
like to be in Chris' situation.

The fact that he had to
use whatever adrenaline

was left in him and
get up after being sh*t

and run to the exit, that's insane,

and I don't know if I would
be able to do the same thing.

How long were you in the hospital for?

_

_

You're very lucky to have
made it and be here today

and pay respects to all
those who lost their lives.

Did you have any good
friends that were with you?

_

_

_

_

_

I'm sorry.

_

_

_

_

_

_

_

That's so courageous.

_

_

_

_

_

Yeah.

_

_

_

Well, I'm really glad
to be here with you...

- Thank you.
- ...'cause I think you're just

- really incredible.
- Thank you.

Jeanette: Jazz was a little
off, and I think meeting Chris

was absolutely what
Jazz needed at that time

because, when she heard his story,

I think it all clicked,

and it put things in perspective.

[Crowd cheering]

♪♪

Jazz: Being surrounded by all of
this loving and positive energy

is just so moving.

In light of the tragic events

like the Pulse nightclub sh**ting,

it's so important for
the LGBTQ community

to have events like this parade,

because it allows us to come together

and realize that we are not alone.

♪ Everybody's got a pain inside ♪

♪ Imaginary wounds
they fight to hide ♪

♪ How can I hate them ♪

♪♪

♪ When everybody's got a pulse? ♪

Noelle: Seeing everyone
having a fun time

and everyone just being together,

I think that's probably the
happiest thing I've ever seen,

just people completely void of sadness.

Greg: Events like the Orlando
pride parade are a message

to the world that, you
know, good will conquer evil.

♪ I am human ♪

♪ I am love ♪

♪ And my heart beats in my blood ♪

♪ Love will always win ♪

♪ Underneath the skin ♪

♪ Everybody's got a pulse ♪

Jazz: My hope is that, one day,
we could just live our lives

without fear of being judged.

We are just like everyone
else. We are people, too,

and, you know, everyone
deserves to be happy.

♪ I am human, I am love ♪

♪ And my heart beats in my blood ♪

♪ Love will always win ♪

♪ Underneath the skin ♪

♪ Everybody's got a pulse ♪

♪♪


♪♪

Next time on "I Am Jazz"...

- [Cellphone rings]
- Shane's calling me. Hello?

What's up?


♪♪

I signed us up for this scuba course.

On a scale of to ,

I'm like a . .

♪♪

- I like the skirt!
- I know.

- You get to wear a skirt.
- I know. Oh, my god.

I met Lynn when we
filmed a bullying PSA.

Like, sometimes, my mom,
she'll tell me that, like,

there's a demon inside of me.

We're having an open
discussion about bullying

because it clearly affects our lives.

All right. We have a caller. Hello?