02x03 - Evolution Rock

[bunniefuu]

Rocket, this isn't funny anymore.

Rocket, answer the krutackin' comm!

How does someone lose a whole ship?

Bigger problems, Quill.

We may have stopped whoever was
tampering with the satellite,

but if we don't get out of here
soon, we'll burn to a crisp.

That, I can fix.

Time for this place to chill out.

Really? "Chill out"?

Hey, it's hard to think
of element quips, okay?

I can signal for help.

We already tried calling the Avengers.
It didn't work.

Oh, I'm not calling the Avengers.

Do all Terrans find amusement
by staring at bugs, Iron Man?

Not bugs, Gamora, ants.

And ants acting strangely means
Ant-Man's trying to tell us something.

I believe I can decipher their meaning.

They wish us to look up.

You see anything up there, Tony?

Yeah. My satellite.

I think I know why
they're not answering, Cap.

Hulk, can you catch it?

Oh, I think I left my lunch
somewhere in the stratosphere!

Where are Rocket, Groot, and the
woman who flies?

Wait. What?
They're not with you?

The Milano hasn't responded since
you disabled the satellite.

Captain Marvel's comm
went dark as well.

Oh, that's not good.

Where are we, Rocky?

Nowhere I wanna be.
And it's "Rocket"!

Seriously, I'm gonna
start calling you "Marv."

No, you're not.

These cuffs are absorbing
my photon energy.

I can't blast out.

Cool your jets, Marv.
We got this.

I am Groot.

No offense, Rocky,

but I don't think a walking tree

and a hyper-evolved trash
eater can help right now.

Hey, watch the hate speech,
you furless fleshbag!

You must be the freak in charge.

Here's an idea, pick a species!

Any idea what they want from us?

From the looks of him,
spare body parts.

Specifically, our spare body parts!

Just a scanner.

That's not a scanner.

Oh, come on!
Nobody's slicing up this pelt.

- Groot, lend me a branch.
- I am Groot.

Still don't want
a trash-eater's help, Marv?

Call me Marv again, and you're
gonna be eating photon.

Impressive.

You're far more vibrant
than my usual subjects.

I'll show you vibrant, Red!

You will address me
as the High Evolutionary.

I seek an extremely potent asteroid

to power my array of machinery.

Thanos' rock? Forget it.
Do your worst.

We ain't telling you squat.

I am no torturer.
I am an artist!

Besides, I've already found
the asteroid.

You're the one who tampered
with the satellite system.

Just a little performance art
to lure you here.

My medium is genetics.
I travel the galaxy

in search of unique physical attributes

to add to my palette,
and you have the privilege

of being a part
of my finest masterpiece.

You have such elegant
materials to work with.

Photon energy absorption and
projection, flight.

This one, mass control
and regeneration.

And you...

Well, there's always one botched
pot in the kiln.

Throw him with the other rejects.

Reject?

Who you calling reject, you
tailless, bulb-headed hack?

Hack?

The High Evolutionary is no hack!

Let me demonstrate.

I have absorbed the raw genetic clay

from thousands of beings and
modeled it into perfection.

I am a masterpiece,

and I will show you
the meaning of hack.

Uh, guys?

Look, I know this asteroid fell on your
headquarters 'cause of us, sort of,

but shouldn't we be out
searching for our friends?

As soon as we get this giant
space rock off our scanners,

we can pinpoint Captain Marvel's ID

and get her and your crewmates back.

On it.

Looks like the asteroid's destabilizing.
I can't risk shrinking it.

Then we don't touch it until you
and Tony run a thorough analysis.

Do we really have time for that?
My friends are in danger.

So is mine, but we have to weigh the needs
of the many over the needs of the few.

This asteroid could endanger
the entire planet.

Once we know Earth is safe,
we can take the Avenjet

and look for Carol and your
teammates out in space.

Wait. Your jet
can go into space?

We could've been searching
for them this whole time!

Quill, Captain America doesn't want
the Avengers to go into space.

We can't make him do anything
he doesn't want to do.

Understand?

Actually, there are several
ways we could force him,

but they would all be
extremely difficult,

given his large
green-skinned ally.

What kind of stupid name is Avenjet?

No worse than Milano.

All right. What are you waiting for?
Let's go.

Controls are locked.

Yeah. It's a security feature.

To stop thieves.

Hey! Ant-Man! Hey, check it out!
It's Ant-Man.

I was just looking for the
bathroom, and this is not it.

I thought you were supposed
to be a good liar.

And I thought you were only an
outlaw if it's for a good cause.

Saving our friends seems like
a pretty good cause to me.

Seriously? Again?

Congratulations. Your unique abilities
will live on inside me as genetic art,

even though you won't
survive to see it.

I am Groot!

It appears your friends
are attempting to save you.

Let's see how they fare when I
combine your abilities with my own.

Leave the machine on and store
the rest of their power.

I don't want to waste a single drop.

Care to explain why you stole my jet,

and why you helped them, Scott?

Uh...

Cap, I...

Yeah, that's
not what static sounds like.

Yeah, well, this is what hanging
up sounds like.

I'll say one thing for the Avengers.

Their jet handles better
than the Milano.

Hey, my ship's just as... Oh!

Whoa!

Uh, yeah, I think we found the
guys that took our friends.

Then let's show 'em what happens
when you mess with the Guardians.

Their weapons are better too.

Enough about the Avenjet!

Can't hold on.

I am Groot!

Don't worry, bud! I'm coming!

Come on! Come on!

I don't have my photon blasts!

Great. How long
will you be useless?

Useless isn't really my thing.

A rescue raid is such a cliche.

I must remove it from the canvas.

Just so you know,
the Milano shields would've held.

Not now, Quill!

Quill! This is why I didn't want
that maverick using our plane.

It appears he is about to return it.

We need to soften their landing.

Repulsor shield should slow 'em down.

Is Quill always this reckless?

No. Most times,
he is extremely wreckful.

Cap, we got another space visitor,

and this one doesn't look nearly
as friendly as the Guardians.

Claws off my ship, freaks!

I am Groot!

You're really attached to this
hunk of junk, huh, Rocky?

If you don't like it, Marv, you can
always walk back to the surface.

Fine. Show me
what this tub can do.

Your armor is trite and uninspired.

It barely compensates for your
lack of natural physical powers.

Really?

'Cause your natural powers look
like cheap knockoffs to me.

And I got a feeling
the originals just escaped.

Hybrids, retrieve my specimens.

Whoo-hoo-hoo!
Check it out, Marv.

Could a hunk of junk do that?

Uh, you mean lose control and
smash through a wall?

Oh, and vibrate uncontrollably?

That ain't us.

Rocket, how many time I gotta tell you?

Don't let things eat my ship!

Focus on the genetic grab bag.
He's going after Thanos' asteroid.

Trust me, we do not want him to get it.

It's true. The High
Evolutionary drains powers,

and that rock is gonna make
him even better at it.

Looks like he's doing
pretty good already.

Stand aside, earthling.

I'm here for the asteroid,

not to scuff my armor fighting you.

Sorry. Avengers
don't stand aside.

They also do not avenge.

You really have to let that one go.

Vibranium.

Quite an impressive tool
for such a pedestrian species.

You think I'm impressive?

Wait till you see the green guy.

Gamma-infused DNA.

Oh, I can't wait to add
that power to my palette.

Not gonna happen.

Hulk!

I appreciate the assist, Quill, but
next time let us in on your plan.

You're assuming he has one.

Hey!

Fine. We'll do it
the mundane way.

Hybrids, lock onto the asteroid.

It's time to incorporate this
world into my masterpiece.

With the power of the asteroid,

my absorption field will pull the life
force out of this entire planet.

Not gonna let that happen.

That goes double for us.

I am Groot!

Rocky, give me everything
you've got, all on one side!

But that'll just...

get us outta this nosedive.

Nice.

Nice flying.

When this is over, Quill,

you and I need to have a long
talk about sticking to a plan.

Got a plan to stop an energy field
that'll absorb all life on Earth?

Not currently.

You're the fly-by-the-seat-of-his-pants
guy, Quill.

What do we do?

Believe it or not, I've got a plan.

Okay, percent of a plan.
Do you trust me?

Enough to actually stick
around and hear it. sh**t.

Two teams. Team Awesome will
att*ck the High Evolutionary's ship.

Your job is to keep 'em distracted,
so Team Even More Awesome

can sneak aboard
and shut down that field.

That's why you don't blast someone
with their own powers, you forgery!

I am not a forgery!

Yeah, he's distracted.

Now watch a pro cause
some real damage, Rocky.

Oh-ho-ho! I'll show you damage,
Princess Sparkle-Fists.

I am Groot!

Huh. At least he didn't
call me Marv.

Okay, Quill, so maybe your team's
dysfunction isn't all your fault.

I know, right?

Wait. How was it ever my fault?

Hulk, take care of the asteroid.

You mean smash it?

How's about we disconnect it first?

Guys, that rock looks like
it's about to blow!

My absorption field!

Ooh, there's a prize
at the center of the rock?

All that energy
from such a small source.

Ever seen anything like it?

No. But whatever Thanos
stashed inside it,

I bet it could fetch
a flarg-ton of units.

Or blow up the entire planet.

Agreed. We have to seal it before
any more energy leaks out.

Step away from the sarcophagus,

and I promise to make your end swift.

Ah, tempting offer.

Here's our counter.

Aah!

Let me show you how it's done, furry.

That's our cue to move this box.

We could use a little
help here, Team Awesome.

We're way ahead of you, Cap.

I'll clear you a path.

Prepare to be destroyed.

You dare censor my art?

Censor? No, no, no.
More like erase.

How's it feel to be absorbed by
your own paint brush, Mr. Artiste?

Whatever energy you absorb, the
sarcophagus can more than replace.

I will not let you take it from me.

Quill, Cap, you got incoming!

You have no idea
what forces you toy with!

Maybe not, but I bet they hurt.

No!

Did I just vaporize
the High Evolutionary?

Great. Now, let's close the
big energy-spewing shoe box

before it vaporizes us!

Uh, guys?
Something weird's happening.

I don't know what that blue energy is,
but it is infecting the entire ship.

Everyone, fall back!

Rocky, we've gotta go.

Right behind you, Marv!

I still gotta plug this energy leak.

- Where's Rocket?
- He's still in the ship.

- Where is the ship?
- I don't know,

but I'm scanning some debris.

Furry debris.

How'd you survive that, Rocket?

Never underestimate the
little guy, Captain Marvel.

Still no sign of the sarcophagus.

But that's probably for the best.

Speaking of which,
this belongs to Thor.

It's the Cosmic Seed.

Long story, but it's why
we came to Earth.

I think it'll be in safe hands
with heroes like you,

and so will the Earth.

And so will the galaxy,

with you and your crew guarding it.

Yeah, about that. Guardians
is more of a name, really,

- than a job description.
- That's all right.

You'll notice we don't do
much actual avenging.

But should the need
for vengeance arise,

you know how to contact me.

Come back soon.

I wanna out-fly you
all over again.

Ho-ho, it's on!

And once again, Earth, you're welcome!

Where's Rocket?
I thought he'd be thrilled

to finally see us
flying away from this planet.

Eh, he's probably just recovering
from his big hero moment.

Hero-schmero.

I'm making some units
with this sarcophagus.

Oh-ho-ho-ho!
Pocket Dimension Storage Vial,

is there nothing you can't contain?

I am Groot!

I'm coming!

Don't get your bark in a bunch!