02x05 - Free Bird

[bunniefuu]

This place smells like the wrong
end of a Chitauri slime slug!

Yeah, brings back a lot
of great memories

of hanging out here
with Yondu and the Ravagers.

The fun games they used
to have me play...

"Scrub the Decks,."

"Lug the Grub,"
"Unclog the Latrine."

Aw, krutack! Those
weren't games, were they?

Quill, I hate to interrupt
this stroll down memory lane,

but we need to find the sarcophagus

before it falls into
the hands of the Believers.

Right, Rocket?

- Hey, is it my fault Yondu stole it?
- Actually, it is.

Picky, picky.

Besides, even if those nutjobs get
their grubby paws on that thingy,

there's only a - chance
it'll destroy the universe.

- Those are terrible odds.
- Relax, Gamora.

Now, if I know Yondu...

And I do know Yondu,

he probably stashed the sarcophagus
in one of these old hideouts

until he can negotiate the best deal.

All we gotta do is search
each one until we find it.

- Easy as pie.
- I have attempted pie.

It is extremely difficult,
especially the crust.

My sensitive snout
can't take much more of this.

Let's give this dump a
once-over and get outta here.

I am Groot!

Careful, Rocket.

These Ravager hideouts are
notorious for booby traps.

That's right! And I'm the
booby who set those traps.

Oh, I mean, I built these
when I was a teenager,

and they still work like a charm.

But don't worry.
You stick close,

you don't touch anything,
I can get you through.

This will not end well.

Just do what I do.
Come on, it's awesome!

This is almost as difficult as pie.

And almost as deadly
as your pies, Drax.

Besides, dancing is for suckers!

Any sign of the sarcophagus?

Nope, but I found this!

Oh, come on! It's a monkey, people.

And it plays the drums!

I am Groot?

Huh? What did you do?

Oh, I think he triggered
one of my old booby traps.

Oh, yeah! Oh, I remember this one.

You've reached the Ravagers' hideout.

Hey, look. That's me.

We're not right here now, but prepare
to be destroyed at the beep.

Beep!

Better luck next time!

Oh, wait. There won't be a next time.

I hate this kid.

Congratulations.

You have activated a patented
Peter Quill booby trap.

Quill, you built this trap!

- Where's the k*ll switch?
- There isn't one!

What kind of idiot builds
a trap without a k*ll switch?

Oh, give me a break! This is
some of my earliest work!

You should see my later stuff.

If we live that long!

All right, this way!

Only step on the green tiles.

Or it might have been the red ones.

Yeah, it's the red ones!

Quill!

Where'd you get so many
krutackin' barrels?

Cargo ship raid, back in the day.

I always wondered what was in them.

This smells like Rajak root slime.

Rajak root slime?

That stuff's more potent
than proton fuel!

Oh...

Man, I told you
I make some awesome traps.

Did you happen to notice that
you almost got us incinerated?

But I didn't! Where's Groot?

Ah, krutack! He's still inside!

Groot, where are ya?

Whoa!

I am Groot!

You stayed here for an egg?

Very wise.

Eggs are part of
a nutritious breakfast.

And omelets are much easier than pie.

I am Groot!

Easy! Nobody's gonna cook
your precious egg!

Groot can get very attached
to helpless weaklings.

You should not describe
yourself in such a manner.

I meant we should let him keep
the stupid egg

until this nurturing phase
has run its course.

Fine. How long can that take?

Groot! That's my chair!

I am Groot.

He's got a point.

It is the comfiest seat on board,

especially with the temperature
control and built-in massager.

Yeah. I know. That's
because it's my seat!

How am I supposed to fly the ship?

I am Groot.

Three more hideouts,
and still no sarcophagus.

Whoa! Ow!

Hey, where's my hammock?

I am Groot.

Don't shush me.

That's my hammock!

And my mitt!

I am Groot.

Anyone seen my headphones?

Rocket said Groot heard
that playing music

was supposed to be good
for intelligence.

Oh, yeah.
My mom did that with me.

I am Groot.

Groot? Hey, buddy,

I found the perfect place for your egg.
It's warm and cozy.

It has dim lighting
and soothing ambient sounds.

Ooh! I am Groot.

And best of all,
it's nowhere near my stuff.

Much better. All right,
what's our status?

We're approaching the Ravager
hideout on Veros Seven.

Yes! That hideout has
my trap-making masterpiece.

My magnum opus.

Oh, okay, that has to be where
Yondu hid the sarcophagus,

'cause my trap there is
so mind-blowingly awesome.

You do realize we don't
actually want to get caught

in one of your stupid traps, right?

Well, duh.
The only thing I'm better at

than building traps is dodging them.

There isn't a trap made
that I can't get out of,

except maybe my masterpiece
on Veros Seven.

No one can get outta that bad boy!

Engines are shutting down!

Whoa! I just did our
, -light-year checkup!

What could've caused this?

Groot!

I am Groot.

Just 'cause Quill told you to stay here
don't mean you gotta listen to him!

Uh, Groot, old buddy, I'm
sorry I stuck you in there,

but if we don't get
those engines cleared,

all you're gonna be left with
is scrambled eggs!

I like scrambled eggs.

- Although, I prefer omelets.
- Not helping!

Okay, just so you know,
I blame you for this.

You and the stupid egg that's
probably never gonna hatch!

I am Groot!

Cool down, both of you! This
damage ain't as bad as it looks.

Well, fine! You fix it while we
go and check the Ravager hideout.

Drax, stay and give me a hand.

Groot ain't gonna be much help.

I am Groot.

Try and keep up, will you?

- Be patient with him.
- Oh, sure.

"Everybody be patient
with Groot!"

No one was half this nice
when I got into roller disco.

Groot's behavior is selfless,
nurturing,

and irritates the krutack out of you.

I don't have a problem
with any of those things.

Halt, non-Believers.

Black Dwarf and Proxima Midnight?
Oh, that's great.

'Cause this day just
wouldn't be complete

without a couple of Black Order g*ons!

You have something we want.

Give it to us, or be destroyed!

I am Groot!

Groot, FYI,

I kind of blame you for this, too.

The sarcophagus! Where is it?

The sarcophagus and its
contents will be ours,

for we believe.

Believe this!

- I am Groot!
- Anytime you wanna help, Groot!

- Bring me the sarcophagus!
- Not on your life.

Did the entire Black Order join
up with those crackpot Believers?

Maybe their buddy Ebony Maw
got them a group discount!

The tree is hiding something.

It must be what we seek.

Give it your best sh*t.
We got you outnumbered.

That's unfortunate,
but it's still an even match.

Stand still and accept your fate!

You first!

You cannot win,

for I believe I am
impervious to your att*cks.

I believe I will break free.

Whoa.

Quill!

Eyes on the enemy!

Tell your cowardly wooden friend
to give us the sarcophagus!

He doesn't have it!
None of us do!

Liar!

I believe we will bury you.

Groot!

Little help?

Ha! Who's buried now, sucker?

I believe it's you!

- I am Groot!
- Well, look who decided to show up

after leaving us high and dry.

I am Groot.

Tell Groot I'm not talking to him.

Let's focus on finding the sarcophagus

before the Believers get
their hands on it.

Okay, the path's a bit overgrown,

but I think the Ravagers'
hideout is over there.

And tell this walking knothead
to stay out of my way!

As promised, one Ravager hideout.

Doesn't look like anyone's
been here in years.

- There it is!
- The sarcophagus?

Nope, my magnum opus!
The trap to end all traps.

Tell Groot not to touch my masterpiece.

I am Groot.

- What did he say?
- I have no idea.

Watch this.

Even the slightest touch
will trigger the...

Huh. Is it...
Will, will trigger the...

Oh, come on!

All right, must be sand in the gears.

Nothing a good old blast
of wind won't fix!

Should you really be doing that?

I just want to make sure
the trap is working

in case those Black Order g*ons show up...

Uh-oh.

Okay, it's working!

This is your famous trap?

It's just a big hole in the ground.

Uh, you think?

Big hole in the ground, huh?

- I dare you to find a way out!
- You're on!

Whoa!

Not one word.

One word.

- Welcome to the Star-Lord X-Scape.
- I didn't say anything. He did!

It's the latest
in trap-making technology.

Can't get a grip? That's because
this baby's built with a seamless,

frictionless,
-inch metal alloy.

But wait! There's more!

It also has our patented
randomized laser grid.

- It slices, it dices!
- Rocket! Drax! Can you hear me?

And don't even think
about calling for help,

'cause this trap comes
with a powerful EMP generator,

guaranteed to stop any broadcast
signals from getting out.

- Don't call now, ...
- Ha! I don't remember

- being that annoying back then.
- Some things never change.

So, what now, genius?

And this is my fault?

It appears you were
telling the truth after all.

At least the part about the walking
tree not having the sarcophagus.

Well, look who joined the party.

The original Black Order
Believer himself, Ebony Maw.

Apparently, I'll need
to extract the location

of the sarcophagus
directly from your minds.

Ha! Good luck with that!

Even the most powerful
Believer can't just wish

for that kind of mental ability.

I don't need to wish.

I believe.

More importantly,
so does everyone on that ship.

Their Belief Energy
powers me a thousandfold!

And you will believe, too!

Can you believe this...

I will find the location
of the sarcophagus,

even if it tears your minds apart!

With Quill, how will you
know the difference?

Hey, I heard that!
My mind is as sharp as a...

Now let us see what secrets
this mind holds.

What vile abomination is this?

It's a monkey playing the drums.

Come on, man, it's funny!

You think this is a joke?

I am Groot?

Groot...

Dude, why didn't you tell me you were
hatching an energy-absorbing parasite?

Who can do that!

Nice birdie! Whoa!

I am Groot!

Your pathetic pet can't save
you from my mental siphon!

Really?

'Cause it looks like baby bird's doing
a little siphoning of his own!

Boom!

It shorted out the pit's defenses!

I am Groot.

Groot.

Hey, what about us?

Whoa!

Whoa! Okay, drop us anywhere!

I believe we will be saved!

I am Groot!

Impossible!

No! Don't leave us!

- We still have a score to settle.
- Brain freeze!

I believe we should run!

- They're getting away.
- I don't think so.

Wait for it.

You know, those traps aren't
as useless as I thought.

Groot, I'm sorry I gave you such
a hard time about that egg.

I had no idea that
it was gonna turn into

an awesome lightning-sh**ting
space eagle!

Wait. He's not the only one?

Apparently, Yondu stole
the egg from this planet.

What are the odds?

Groot.

I am Groot.

You're just gonna let him go?

I know that was hard, Groot,
but it was the right thing to do.

Don't you agree, Peter?

Yeah, I guess so.

But, I mean, a lightning space eagle?

That would have totally rocked!

Am I to understand that you
did not locate the sarcophagus?

What a waste of time!

Well, not a total waste.

I did find something down there.

Something for you, Groot.

You know, to make up
for me being such a jerk.

I am Groot.

I am Groot?

I am Groot!

What? How was I
supposed to know?