02x09 - Me and You and a Dog Named Cosmo

[bunniefuu]

- I am Groot.
- Got that right, bud.

Ain't every day a princess invites you
to a party for helping avert a w*r.

It's a peace conference,
Rocket, not a party.

The Rigellians and the Empathetics still
have a lot of issues to grapple with.

Drax the Destroyer
is an excellent grappler.

I must ensure the success of this
conference for Princess Tana.

She is like a daughter to me.
That's why we must all wear

the traditional Rigellian headgear.

Pass. Hats are beneath me.

You lick your own fur, but helmets
are beneath your dignity?

Look, wearing the silly hats is the one
thing we have to do to get into the party.

Okay. There's one more thing
we have to do.

Break up the fight before there's
no food left for the party.

Empathetic barbarian!

Rigellian oppressor!

This is intolerable, Jukka.

As leader of the Empathetics,
you must wear the helmet.

It represents Rigellian
tradition and heritage.

Know what else they represent,
Grand Commissioner?

Rigellian conformity, suppression
of emotions, and hat hair!

Let me show you
what I think of your helmets!

Allow me to return the favor.

Father, Jukka, please stop.
This is a peace conference.

Step aside, Tana.

You may be a neutral party,

but I must teach this emotional
ruffian a lesson.

Seriously, who cares
about a krutackin' hat?

Apparently they do.

Cosmo, where are you?

We need security
in the marketplace, now!

Which you should know already,
being a telepathic pooch and all.

I haven't seen a food fight this good

since I nailed Mikey Coogan
with a trayful of sloppy...

This is a peace conference.

Cease this fighting,
or I will hurt you!

How dare you wear
the red Helmets of w*r

instead of the gray Helmets of Peace!

I was unaware the hats
came in different colors.

Okay, okay.
Hey, look. Hey, look.

We're removing
the Helmets of w*r. See?

How dare you allow the helmets
to touch the ground!

And we're picking the helmets up.

Mmm...

Whoa!

Somebody gonna pick that up?

I am Groot!

Hold on! I'll weld
the support struts!

Quill, no!
The heat is softening the metal!

Couldn't have just done that
in the first place?

In light of this
breach of protocol,

I propose we postpone
the opening ceremony

and proceed directly to negotiations,

so that the helmet issue
may be resolved.

Agreed.

As you can see,

there is still much tension between
the Rigellians and Empathetics.

We will require extra security
at the conference.

We will see to it, Tana, once we
find that tiny mammal, Cosmo.

Thank you, Drax.

So, uh, no party?

We just have to do one more thing.

You know how many "one more
things" I've done already?

Huh! Where is that mutt?

Cosmo! Here, boy!

Cosmo!

I'm just thinking nasty thoughts.

That usually brings
the mind-readin' mutt runnin'.

Should we not search his office?

Yeah, right.
A dog with an office.

Okay, so a dog with an office.
One to grow on.

I ain't stooping so low
to go through a doggie door.

And you can take that literally, Drax.

Ugh! Dog drool. Ugh!

Why would he leave this thing
on the comm unit?

Oh. Maybe 'cause it is
the comm unit.

You believe you have reached Cosmo,

but Cosmo believes you should believe

in leaving message at sound of beep.

You can believe Cosmo will call back.

Holy krutack! You hear that?

Cosmo's joined the Believers!

What, just because
he said "believe" a lot?

Come on. He's a dog.

He has a limited vocabulary.

Rocket may be right.

The Believers have been
scooping up a lot of people

with mind powers,
like Mantis and Ebony Maw.

Cosmo is not a person,
but he does have mind powers.

You know, that's just
your anti-dog prejudice talking.

Cosmo can't be a traitor.
He's man's best friend!

I am Groot.

Like the tree says, we ain't men.

And Cosmo's gone missing
right when Knowhere

is hosting several
powerful Rigellian telekinetics.

The peace conference could be
a target for the Believers.

We'll start by tracking down Cosmo,
who would never be a traitor.

I will provide security
for the conference.

We cannot allow harm
to come to Princess Tana.

Especially from you.

I propose we settle
the issue of headgear.

If the Empathetics will not
wear the ceremonial helmets,

could they at least be persuaded
to comb their unruly hair?

That sounds like a reasonable
compromise. Jukka?

Sure. Whatever.

Then I believe we should begin...

You believe? Traitor!

- Drax, no!
- Huh?

Stop!

Govern your emotions, brute.
They will be the end of you.

You betray your own daughter!

Back off, flatliner!

Delegates, please!

Looks like someone used
the Continuum Cortex recently.

Judging by these fresh paw
prints, I'd say it's our mutt.

We gotta follow him. Program it to
send us to the same coordinates.

I am Groot.

Passport wristbands.
Good idea, Groot.

Don't want this
to be a one-way trip.

Okay, Rocket. Hit it.

Hmm?

I believe, I believe, I believe...

I think we're
on a Believer ship.

So, the pooch teleported right
into the heart of our enemies.

Yeah. Probably just a big,
fat, old coinkidink.

You know, how about we find Cosmo
first before we jump to conclusions?

All right, fine. But remember,
the mutt's a mind reader,

so don't think about him,
or he'll know we're here.

I am Groot. What did I just say?

I told ya not to think
about him, bark-for-brains!

What are Quill, rodent,
and tree friend doing here?

What are we doing here?
What are you doing here?

Yeah, on a Believer ship, ya turncoat!

Away to put weapons.

Cosmo is no coat-turner.
Is undercover.

See? I knew he wasn't a traitor.

Who's a good boy? You are.

Ugh!

Cosmo thinks Believers have plan
to sabotage Rigellian peace talks.

But Believers able to
mask thoughts from Cosmo.

Cosmo must dig for truth
like buried bone.

Intruders!

The Guardians of the Galaxy.

How utterly predictable.

Take the Star-Lord
and his friends

to a holding cell until
judgment can be rendered.

Although I believe
they will be found guilty.

Still think your four-legged pal
is on our side?

Okay, yes, this looks bad,
but there's gotta be an explanation.

I am Groot.

That fleabag blasted us in the back!

What more proof do ya need?

Look. Cosmo left us
a means to escape.

He would've taken our passport wristbands
if he really betrayed us, right?

Or he's just stupid,

like everything else from your planet.

Either way, let's just use 'em
and get outta here.

That sounds like Cosmo.

We gotta save him.

I am Groot.

Fine! But only to put a muzzle
on that krutackin' howling.

Ugh!

I believe I can get us outta here.

Don't start.

Quill! Rocket!
I need backup at the conference!

Quill?

Believer spy!

Your treachery will not
disrupt this conference!

Unhand me, barbarian!

Drax, please release him.

My father and I may disagree on
many things, but he is no traitor.

Ow! Huh?

I will be watching you,
tiny bearded man.

I appreciate your vigilance, Drax,

but you must realize the
delicacy of these negotiations.

That is why I will make sure they are
not sabotaged by Believer spies.

Perhaps you can do that
from... outside the room?

Or at least sitting quietly
in the corner?

I'll keep an eye on him.

Let us begin the negotiations
with opening statements.

- Grand Commissioner, would you care to...
- I object!

How can we trust you
to be an impartial judge

when you choose to wear the very
symbol of Rigellian conformity?

Trust me, you are not a hat person.

- Hey!
- How dare you insult Princess Tana!

All hats compliment her features!

I know who is endangering
the conference.

- Who? Tell me, and I will...
- It's you, Drax!

Not the Rigellians, not the
Empathetics, and not the Believers.

You!

But I was attempting to help.

I know. Just... don't.

Your only belief was that you
could deceive us, Cosmo.

Pity. He could've turned
so many into Believers.

Once we've harvested all of his
psychic energy, he still will.

Come. Our ship
approaches Knowhere.

Now's our chance.

I am Groot!

Let's get you outta here, pal.

Uhh! Aah! I take it back!

That furball's a traitor
through and through!

He's just behaving like a normal dog.

This thing must've sucked out his
intelligence along with his mind powers.

Yeah, well, if he don't quit yapping,
he's gonna alert the whole stinking ship!

Grab him
so we can teleport outta here!

I am Groot!

Fine. I'll catch him.

Surrender, Guardians!

I believe you can kiss my grits.

Quill, now!

You know what I think about helmets?

I think somebody's compensating
for something.

You know the old saying:
"Big hat, small brain."

Your statement is both
incorrect and insulting...

the product of
an overly emotional infant.

You're not helping, Father.

Both of you, please apologize.

I will not apologize
for speaking the truth.

Well, there's one thing
we can agree on, old man.

I have not yet begun to agree.

Drax, help me stop this.

- You ordered me not to help.
- I can do this all day!

As can I.

Use your powers to throw him into
the fight. That'll get him going.

Hey! No fighting at the peace conference.
We got a situation.

Thought you might like to know the
Believers are about to att*ck.

They would not listen to me either.

Aah!

What happened to my powers?
How did you do this?

My telekinetic abilities
have also failed.

The only rational explanation is
the action of an outside force.

Something must be draining
all of our powers.

Specifically, that "something."

The Believers.

Psychic energy
siphon at maximum capacity.

Locking on target.

The Believers ain't
just draining your powers,

they're draining all of Knowhere!

If Cosmo's any indication,

once they're done draining
your powers, it's bye-bye, brain.

Commencing
psychic energy upload.

Huh?

Rejoice, Rigellians!

Your mental powers
will serve the Believers!

Yeah, right after you
turn their brains into mush.

Okay, listen up. We're gonna
need a two-prong strategy here...

one prong to take out
that Believer flagship,

and the other to rally
the Rigellians to fight back.

I approve of these prongs.

Rocket and Groot,
you're with me in the Milano.

I am Groot.

Bad dog! Stay!

Stay! Stay!

Target locked.

Hit 'em with everything we've got!

I'm trying!

The belief siphon
charges our shields faster

than their feeble weapons
can deplete them.

Yeah, go chase your tail, mutt!

Ain't my fault their shields
are too strong.

Gamora, it's time for your prong!

Will try, but the Rigellians are
getting weaker by the second.

We must all work together if we
are to defeat the Believers.

I cannot work with this
arrogant, un-centered fool.

Never trust a helmet-head.

The ship can't take
much more of this firepower.

And I can't take much more
of that krutackin' barking!

Fine.

I'm sorry.
You're a good dog, okay?

- Down, boy. Down, boy.
- We're trying to fight a space battle.

You trying to tell me something?

Nose. You want us to aim
for the ship's nose!

Guys! We need you to open a hole in
the shields over the ship's nose!

It's no use. Without something
to unify my people,

we won't be strong enough
to breach those shields.

There is only one thing both sides
can agree on: They all hate me.

Throw me at the forward shield.

That's it!
Unite in your hatred of Drax.

It will give you strength.

Hurl Drax at the Believer shield!

Rigellian helmets are ridiculous,

and Empathetics are childish
buffoons with bad hair!

- Insolence!
- I'm sorry, what did you just call me?

Throw him out of here!

What?

Now, Rocket! Take the sh*t!

Where? That ship's
got a big nose!

Cosmo, settle down!
I can't hear myself think!

What's that? You want me to
target the guidance thrusters?

Dude, he's just a dog.

Yeah, a krutackin' smart one,
even without his powers.

Whoo-hoo! Score one
for the four-leggers!

I think there's a two-legger
that needs our help.

Hang in there, Draxy.
We're coming.

I am Groot.

We've lost power!
Our ship cannot maintain orbit!

Mantis, Ebony Maw,

I believe you should surrender.

Hello? I'm reading life signs,
but they ain't responding to our hails.

Eh, they can sit tight
till Nova Corps digs them out.

And since we've got
some extra time, how about...

We finally head over
to the peace conference party?

No more "one more thing."

Thanks to the Guardians, my
people have reached an agreement.

The Rigellians and Empathetics are
both in favor of facial hair.

It's an expression of individuality.

And useful for stroking
and focusing thought.

It's a start. And we wouldn't
have gotten this far

had Drax not united the factions

and then stayed away for the
remainder of the conference.

That's because he trusted you
to handle it on your own.

That's a start too.

Don't worry, Cosmo.

We'll find a way
to restore your powers.

I am Groot.

Ha! Ah, if a dog can make peace with a tree
and a raccoon, anything's possible.

What did you call me?

Now, this is my kind of party.

But there is no party out here.

Exactly.

Nobody calls me "raccoon"!
Ya hear me, Quill?

Nobody!

Aah! Ow! Ow!