04x15 - Chapter Seventy-Nine

[bunniefuu]

All right,
let's start with the good news.

Jane and Rafael
were together and happy.

Also happy?
Petra and her lawyer, J.R.

Mmm, baby.

Oh, and speaking of Baby,
remember this?

We have finally found
the perfect nanny.

Felicia Romero.

I have a better idea.

A baby needs her father,

which is why
I will take the next year off.

Only problem?

He's not going to stay home
much longer

because his American version

of The Passions of Santos
got the green light.

We are officially
going to make

The Passions
of Steve and Brenda:

The First Co-Presidents
of the United States.

Oh, and
speaking of the United States,

you recall Alba's been
on the path to citizenship,

and she's also
had to deal with

some romantic drama
of her own.

See, Jorge proposed,

but she turned him down,
twice.

And then she changed her mind,
but it was too late.

Jorge is back with Sofia.

I know. Talk about heartbreak.

Which brings us to Xiomara.

See, she recently learned she
has Stage III breast cancer,

so she had to make
some big decisions.

I've actually decided
to have a single mastectomy.

And so she had the surgery,

which, my friends,
is where we left off.

When Jane Gloriana Villanueva
was years old,

something truly horrific
happened.

You
cannot make love to Victoria.

Why?

Because...

No!

She missed Arturo finding out

that his bride Victoria
was actually

his long-lost sister on
Te Amo Pero Te Odio.

All right, that's it.

No more putting it off,
we're getting a new TV.

And that, friends,

was when the Villanueva women
got to work.

And, as with all families,

each had a part to play.

Okay, I've narrowed it down
to three choices

based off price, size,
and picture quality.

Jane was the researcher.

Good, but you have a
grilled cheese, you need to eat.

Alba was the caretaker.

Okay, I will, but look.
This is my top choice,

and normally
it's out of our price range,

but I found a coupon
for percent off.

Mmm.

Oh, my God.
It expires today.

And the store closes
at : p.m.

Wha...?
It's : . Let's go!

And Xo...

Wait, wait, wait!
It's : !

Oh, sorry. We're closed.
Come back tomorrow.

Well, she was the whoop ass.

Oh, hell no, junior.

We have seconds left,

so unless you want your boss
to know that you closed early,

punch back in
or I'll punch you out.

I got the new TV.

Full price.

I made sure to get a good one.

None of that discounted crap.

My only request
is that you never

watch my shows
in ultra-high-def.

It is not a fair depiction
of my pore size.

You have my word.
Thanks, hon.

Baby duty calls.

Yep. In times
of crisis, we revert to our roles.

Cool TV. Can I watch
PAW Patrol with Abuela?

Careful, Mateo.

Your Abuela had
a big surgery,

and has to recover.

Yep, there's our caretaker.

Why don't you help

by grabbing that bottle
of water for your Abuela?

She needs to keep drinking
lots of fluids.

Yes to fluids, no to plastic.

Use this, Mateo.

I have to send
you guys this article.

It's really interesting.

Basically,
plastic is poisoning us all.

What'd I tell you?
The researcher.

Drink some water, and then
I think we should

go for a walk outside.

The doctor said
you should be able

to make it
around the block by now.

I don't know, Ma.

Just walking around the house
feels like enough.

- I'm still in so much pain.
- No!

Sheila,
Santos never wears peach.

Never ever.

Even if he was playing a peach,
he would wear lavender.

He would be a lavender peach.

Do you understand?
Okay.

Oh, I'm sorry.

They just hired the
new costume designer

for Steve and Brenda,
and she's clueless.

Even Baby knows that
President Steven T. Santos

doesn't wear peach.

How are you and Darci doing

on the search
for a new nanny?

You haven't told her?

- Dad!
- Rogelio!

I know, I know,
but I made such a big show

about being Baby's nanny,
Darci will rake me

over the coals for backing out.
So I was thinking,

maybe I could bring Baby
with me to work.

You know,
just hand her to a P.A.

when we roll camera.

Rogelio,
that's ridiculous.

You have to talk to Darci.

Well...
Now! Don't be a coward.

Yep, there's our whoop ass.

Oh, here's the article.

So it's not just BPA,
although that's bad.

It... uh...

My computer d*ed.

Thank God.

Oh, I think I left
my charger at Rafael's.

It's over there
in the kitchen pile.

Or maybe it's
by the bed pile.

There are a lot of Jane piles

- in this place.
- Got it.

Well where are you guys headed?

I got called in early
for a shift,

so I'm dropping them off
at Petra's.

Hey, how's your mom?

Took a few more laps
around the living room today.

Nice.

Oh, want some more good news?

Always.

Mateo's progress report.

- Straight fours.
- What?

Mateo! That's my boy.

We used to think
four was good too.

But that's when we thought
it was out of five.

It's out of six.

So it's more of a C-plus.
We got A's.

Well I am still
very proud of him.

And the two of you

for being such little...

smarties.

- Should we go out and celebrate?
- Yeah,

can we go bowling?

Of course. Bowling it is.

Oh!

My charger. Okay.

I have to get back to my mom's.

See you later.
I love you.

Whoa.

Did you actually
just say that?

Yeah, I guess I did.

Well I love you too.

Aw.

Okay, got to go.

Us, too.

Seriously? Wow.

Talk about anticlimactic.

OMG, I'm sorry.

It was so anticlimactic,
I forgot to do this.

You're early.

My shift changed.
I've been texting you.

Oh, and before I forget,
Jane planned a family

bowling night for Friday
in honor of everyone's good

- progress reports at school.
- We'll bowl. Uh, listen,

- keep the girls occupied.
- What? Why?

J.R. spent the night,
she's in the shower.

- Have the girls even met her yet?
- No. And I don't think

now is the ideal time,
but you're early.

Who wants to go downstairs
and get some ice cream?

- Yay!
- Okay, love your shower,

hate your...

Oh.

Who is she?
My friend.

Why is your friend
wearing a robe?

Girls, let's go for that ice
cream, we'll have a nice talk.

I'm sorry about this,

I'm sure it's not how
you wanted to meet the girls.

I didn't want
to meet them at all.

Excuse me?

Not a kid person.

I'm gonna
put some clothes on.

Nice meeting you.

Stop it,

don't rush to judgment.

She said
she didn't like my kids.

Kids in general,
not just yours.

- Although they can be tough.
- Jane.

Just look at it
from her point of view,

she was in a bathrobe,

she wasn't expecting
to see anybody,

and she ended up
meeting the whole family.

You know what?

I'm gonna call Petra
and suggest we all have dinner.

What? No.
Yes. We have a family policy.

J.R. met the kids,
we have to get to know her.

And you have to give her
a chance.

Fine. I'll go to dinner,

but only if you admit
you're doing this

because you're curious.

So curious.
She makes Petra giggle.

She
makes her do more than that.

But also,
we have a family policy.

And
speaking of family and policy...

Can you please check again?
There must be some mistake.

It's my immigration attorney.

Oh. Okay, yes.
I'll be there.

Thank you.

What was that about?

He was confirming
I'll be at my citizenship test.

- This Monday.
- Monday?

That test wasn't supposed
to be for two months.

Ay, no!
I wrote / , not / .

Which means I have six days.

Okay, so ask
to reschedule it.

I'd be pushed
to the bottom of the list.

And with immigration laws
changing so quickly...

No. I'm taking it.

Okay. I'll help you study.

We'll get it done.

Thank you...

And don't tell your mother.

What?
Shh, she's coming!

Ma, I got to hold off
on that walk outside again.

I'm tired.

Okay, whatever you need.

What's going on?

Nothing. Right?

Yeah. Everything's great.

Yeah, just a guess?

At some point,
Xo's gonna open

that can of whoop ass
on both of them.

All right,
your mother is asleep.

Why won't you tell her
about the test date?

Because she'll send me home
to study.

You should go home to study.

I'll take care of her.

No. I am a trained nurse,
she needs me...

Well you need to focus
on your test.

And I can do both!

You have to respect me, Jane.

She is my daughter.
This is what I want.

What do you want?

I have to tell you
something. It's important.

Let me guess.
You took a personality test,

and it turns out
you're a narcissistic egomaniac

with a subconscious
inferiority complex.

That's a good one, Darci.

Your sense of humor
is as delightful

as the look on your face.

So?

Spit it out.

Well...

it seems circumstances
have conspired...

- in a sense...
- Rogelio.

I can no longer
be Baby's nanny.

Wow.

I mean, I knew
this would happen...

That you'd quit...
But still,

now that it's happening...

I am so, so angry with you!

Because you do this
all the time! You...

Xo has breast cancer.

A-And I need
to take care of her.

The cancer card?

Really, Rogelio?

What?

Oh, my God, I...
I had no idea.

We've been keeping it quiet.

She just had a mastectomy,
and she's in a lot of pain.

And that is why
I can't be the nanny.

Yeah. That and preproduction.

I'm so sorry.

Of course you need
to be there for Xo.

I'll pick up the slack
as long as you need.

This needs to be quick.

I convinced J.R.
to come to drinks.

- Oh. So she didn't want to?
- I didn't want her to.

It's too early
to introduce you to J.R.

But since you insisted,
you are not allowed

to screw this up
and embarrass me.

Petra, don't worry.
We'll keep it low-key.

And you'll make sure Raf doesn't
say anything overprotective

- or patronizing?
- Come on, I wouldn't do that.

You have experience with kids?

So do you have a car seat?

The three of you
are on your roof,

you get locked out.
Do you jump off?

I'm on it.
Don't worry.

Okay.
Things not to bring up.

Let's start
with the three I's.

Insemination.

A sandwich and the
extra turkey baster.

Infidelity.

And any other...
Indiscretions.

Also, avoid all other
controversial topics,

including,
but not limited to,

sex, religion, politics,
and the New York Mets.

Is it okay to discuss
the weather?

Don't be condescending.
And no, J.R. hates small talk.

Okay. Got it.
Off to deliver flash cards.

- To Mateo? Good idea.
- I heard about the fours.

No. For my Abuela.

Oh, sorry.

I have my citizenship test
coming up soon...

Really?

That's great!

I know things have been
a little strained between us,

but this is a big step.

I'm so happy for you.

Thank you.
I appreciate that.

Of course.

And why don't you
take tomorrow off to study?

I can cover your shift.

No.

Isn't tomorrow
the day you usually

have bridge club with Sofia?

Sofia and I broke up.

So, no more bridge,
I suppose.

Hmm...

So he just happened to mention
they broke up? No way.

He dropped that info
on purpose.

Mm-hmm.

She's right, he wanted you
to know he was single.

You should tell him you still
have feelings for him.

Stop, you're
making too much of this.

Besides, I have
more important things to do.

Like take a walk outside
with you.

Uh, I'm just not quite
strong enough for that yet.

But that's how
you get strong.

Ma, I'm not ready.

What are those?

Oh, uh...

um...
they're for my writing.

I left them at work,

just story plotting.

Thanks for grabbing
them for me, Abuela.

All right.
Time for drinks with J.R.

Ooh, you have to let us know
what she's like.

I will.
My mission is to keep Rafael

from ambushing her.

Which brings us to...

Thanks for sitting down.
This is an important step,

since there are
kids involved.

Right.
I heard about the "rule."

That's just me. I love rules.
Structure. Plans.

But,

I obviously do want
to know anyone who's gonna be

spending significant time
with my children.

Rafael, she's here.
We get it.

Anyway, so, uh,
you're a lawyer?

Yep. I am.

- What was law school like?
- Pretty challenging.

Yeah, I've heard that.
What was the toughest part?

The tests.

I don't like tests.

Well luckily, this is
not one of those tests.

It's just
a get-to-know-you.

Hmm.
Great.

Then I'll...
ask the next question.

How am I doing?

Good.

Good?
So good.

Okay...

Shall we maybe grab the waiter,
order some drinks?

Yeah, yeah.
I think so.

Excuse me.

So, that...

you wouldn't do
in front of the kids.

Come on.

Clearly.

Okay, great. Let's order
a bottle of pinot noir.

I recently read that
the antioxidants in red wine

help prevent
coronary artery disease.

Wow, Jane, you're a...
real bulldozer.

I'm not sure
if that's a good thing

or a bad thing,
but thanks.

Pretty sure it's a bad thing.

I'll have a glass of
your best Speyside scotch.

Nice choice.

I'll have one as well.

All around.

No, thanks.
I'll have my usual white.

Ever tried one of
the Japanese single malts?

They're great.

Although, for my money,
got to go Scottish

if you want
a good peaty single malt.

Absolutely.

Have you had anything
from Islay?

It's my favorite.
It's the first place I go

whenever I'm in Scotland.
In Scotland. Of course.

- Ever been?
- No, but it's on my list.

You'll have to tell me
where to go.

Hey, good news...

I think she likes Rafael.

I want to travel too.

I have a long list of places
I want to visit.

Yeah, less into the bulldozer.

Okay, well I'm glad
we got to know her.

- You were right, she's fine.
- Yeah.

I mean, she clearly
didn't like me.

That's not true.

Yeah, so I didn't like
other Jane.

Fine, maybe she wasn't giving
you the warmest vibe.

Right?
And I was really trying.

She just tries too hard.

She talked about
the most random things.

I mean, what was I supposed
to talk about anywhere?

Every single thing
was off-limits.

And she didn't ask me
one question about myself.

She asked so many questions,
I felt like

I was on the witness stand.

I was just trying
to get to know her.

Just let it go.

Petra's new girlfriend
doesn't have to like you.

Wow. I've never seen anyone
not like Jane before.

It's honestly a turn-on.

Well I was underwhelmed.

Well now you see why
I had to call you J.R.

I mean, we should
call her J.V.

Oh, that's perfect.

Oh, Jane is so J.V.

Oh.
I know, she's so basic.

Okay,
now you're just being mean.

Let's go somewhere nicer.

And it doesn't matter
if she doesn't like you,

because I...

love you.

Aw.

Well we blew past
a pretty big moment earlier.

And, uh, it was
a little anticlimactic.

I'll say.

In fact, I did.

So I just wanted
to take a minute, slow down,

and commemorate this
"I love you" milestone.

By which I mean,
have sex.

Count me in.

Mmm.

In contrast,

that... was very climactic.

And inspiring.

After all,
Jane is a romance writer.

I'm gonna do some writing.

Now?

What can I say?
You're my muse.

And I'm gonna strike
while the inspiration's hot.

You were up pretty late.

Looks like somebody got
her writing mojo back.

Yep... Ugh!

Okay. I got to go.

Your drawer's overflowing.

I know I was resistant
to it at first,

- but it's really come in handy.
- Ah. Well, then,

maybe I'll clear out
a couple more for you.

- Maybe even a shelf.
- Don't go too crazy.

Ooh,
this must be what Jane wrote

after their sexy time
last night.

Aw, thanks for these.

Yes. So nice
of you to come, Darci,

but, uh, Xo was about
to take a nap.

I understand.
I have to go back

to hunting
for a nanny, anyway.

- Oh, you guys talked. I'm glad.
- Yes,

I totally understand.
Given that...

An-An-And, and these flowers...

Oh, my God,
they're gorgeous, Darci.

Truly. Thank you.
And we're walking.

I told Ro you guys would
need time to find someone

before the show starts.

What show?

Rogelio didn't mention
anything about a new show.

He said he couldn't
be Baby's nanny

because you have cancer.

Well, I-it was

a-a cancer/new show
combination, really.

Wow.

I knew you were
a self-absorbed meat bag.

But using the cancer card?

That is a new low,
even for you.

And you know who
will suffer? Baby.

Because we lost Felicia,

the best nanny out there,
due to you, and your ego.

Ugh.

I just hate bowling,
that's why I canceled.

We had a plan.
Raf said he confirmed with you.

He did.
I just don't want to go.

It's gross.

The dirty shoes,
the dirty balls.

Petra is so over balls.

I already told Mateo
and he's so excited.

Then take him. I'll do
something else with the girls.

- But...
- Jane! I don't like bowling.

You're not gonna
bulldoze me into this.

Is this about J.R.?

What? No.

You said bulldoze,
she said bulldoze.

Is that why
you're saying no?

Of course not.

She doesn't like me,
does she?

She likes you fine.

Okay, fine.
She doesn't like you.

It was awkward
because there were

- so many topics off-limits.
- Look, don't worry about it.

You're just
not her cup of tea.

You should take
the afternoon off.

I'm feeling good. I can handle
being alone for a while.

Of course not.

You'll need help
with your drains.

And who's going
to make your lunch?

Jane can empty my drains,
and Ro's bringing lunch later.

And, honestly,
I could use some space.

Fine. I'll just go upstairs
and change your sheets

and get some laundry done.

Ma. I said
I don't need any help.

Why don't you go home
for a bit?

There's no need...

There is a need!

You're smothering me and I need
some time without you!

Okay, then.

I'll leave.

Mateo had a meltdown
when I told him that the girls

aren't coming bowling.

On a scale of one

to decapitating
his Darth Vader doll?

Oh, it was a dark day
for the Empire.

Well he sees the girls
all the time.

He'll be fine.
I know, but still.

This is why I want J.R. to like me.
She's affecting our family.

And we spent a long time
negotiating our parts.

What's wrong?

I was clearing out
some drawers for you,

and I came across the story
you wrote last night.

Oh. I...

I didn't mean
for you to read that.

I didn't plan to.

But you said I inspired you,

so I thought maybe it would
be about us, but it was...

About Michael.
Yeah.

And, look, I hate that
it even bothers me this much,

but you had just told me
that you loved me,

and then you got out of bed,
and you wrote about him.

It just made me feel like...

Like what?

You were choosing him
all over again.

Oh.
And I hate even saying that.

Look, that's not
what it was.

I sat down to write,
and realized...

yesterday was the anniversary
of Michael's death.

Oh, my God,
I'm so sorry.

No. No, no, no.
It's okay.

No. I had no idea. I should
have never even read it.

Oh. I...

Hi, Abuela.
Everything okay?

You kicked Abuela out?

Look, I didn't want
to hurt her feelings,

but I had to make her leave.

Why?

She failed?

She told me
that she was doing well

on her practice tests...

Uh-oh.

You knew how soon
the test was?

She swore me to secrecy.

She knew that if you knew,

you wouldn't let her
help you recover.

She's right.
She has to pass that test.

I can't believe
you hid this from me.

I shouldn't have.

And you shouldn't
have asked me to.

A family meeting.

Nice idea, Jane. Classic.

I didn't want to burden you.

The test seems so unimportant
compared to your health.

I'm through surgery, Ma.
I'm fine.

- You're not!
- I am, I promise.

Well you're wrong!

Look...

you're recovering too slowly.

- She is?
- Yes.

Patients in her situation

should be walking
around the block,

and she doesn't even have
the strength to go outside.

How is she going to get
strong enough for chemo?

I have been outside.

What?

Hey, Gary.

Good to see you.

I saw him looking at me

like I was
a sick person, and...

I don't know, I-I just can't
handle being seen like that.

Especially when
you're used to being the whoop ass.

I'm sorry
I've been pressuring you.

No, I'm sorry
I didn't say anything sooner.

Okay, bottom line?

No more secrets,
much more communication.

We have to work together.

Ladies, let's get in formation.

Abuela, I'm going
to take charge of test prep.

As long as I can
take care of Xiomara.

Deal.
Okay,

what about me?
Wha-What's my part?

- Recovering.
- Recovering!

And so, friends,

- they played their parts.
- How many congressmen are there

in the House
of Representatives, Abuela?

- ?
- Close. .

So why can't they
get anything done, already?

Who was the president
during the Great Depression?

Herbert Hoover.
There were two, Hoover and FDR.

Hoover and FDR.

Xiomara, drink water.

Hoover and FDR.

Who has the right
to veto bills?

The president.

Right. How old do you
have to be to vote?

.
Right again.

How many U.S.
senators are there?

.
Correct.

Is Puerto Rico
an American state?

No, it is a commonwealth,

an unincorporated territory.

So why do they still get taxed?

Preach!

Maybe don't say that
last part at the exam,

but that's right.

It is important
to note that while Rogelio thinks

he's being recognized for
his celebrity, the truth is,

no one likes a grown man
alone at a playground.

Felicia?

My name is
Rogelio de la Vega.

You interviewed
to be a nanny with...

Oh. I have employment
with a lovely family.

I'd be willing
to up the ante...

Shh!
Look straight ahead.

Take out your phone,
pretend to talk.

Is this a poaching
situation?

Yes, it is.

Ooh. Play
date with a dash of espionage.

I'm leaning in.
How did you find me?

Deep dive on Instagram.

I'll match whatever your current
employer is paying you.

Stop talking.
All right, I'll double it.

You drive a hard bargain,
Felicia.

Felicia?

Mario Lopez!

What's he doing here?

Are you trying
to poach my nanny?

Mario Lopez, you have
my sincerest apologies.

I have the utmost respect

for your entire body
of work... as an actor,

as a host, and,
well, your actual body,

which is truly a work of art.

You're tellin' me.

You were poaching.
Everyone knows

there's no poaching
on the playground.

I saw on Instagram
you love babies.

Mine is six months old. His kids
are practically in college.

They're and years old,

and Felicia's already
bonded with them.

Gia! Nico! Come here.
We're about to take her

on a family vacation
with us to the Bahamas.

I'll give you a week
in my Mazatlán time-share.

You can stay in my guest house
for three months.

I will lease you a car,
fully loaded.

Quick
tell Felicia you love her.

I love you, Felicia.
I love you, Felicia.

I love you, Felicia.

See? Look at those faces.

You can have a three-episode
arc in my new series

starring River Fields.

I'm sorry.
You know acting is my dream.

Bye, Felicia.

Later, Slater.

When can you start?

.

That is the year
women got the right to vote.

Work it, Abuela! Oh!

That's ten out of ten.
You're gonna k*ll this test.

I hope so.

Okay, I'll meet you
at Mom's house after work.

Oh!

Thanks for holding
the door.

So how are you?

Fine.

You know, I saw that
you were reading

What Happened in the Alley
the other day.

- How?
- Sorry?

- How did you see?
- I noticed it. In your bag.

Yeah,
that's a little stalker-ish.

It was sticking out.

Uh, anyway,
I love that book.

Not a fan. I have a client who's
accusing the author of slander.

Oh. That's... too bad.

How long is this ride?

Is she really
not at her floor yet?

So listen, I don't know
if we got off on the wrong foot.

No, it's cool.
I don't have a problem with you.

Right.

But beyond not having
a problem with me,

I'd love us
to get along.

- How come?
- How come?

Because you're really
important to Petra.

Thank God!

Anyway, I tried.

You cornered J.R.
in an elevator and said

- she's really important to me?
- I didn't say that exactly.

Actually, verbatim.

- Jane!
- I'm sorry, but it's true,

and I wanted
to connect with her.

Get over it! Everyone's not
going to love you.

- That is not what this is about.
- Then what is it about?

You, okay?
It's about you,

because I love you.

And I just feel like J.R. is
poisoning the well against me,

and I don't want anything to
come in the way of our family,

because we've worked too hard,
and like I said...

I love you.

W-Well thank you.

I appreciate
your explanation.

- You have to say it back.
- I don't want to.

Petra.

Can I say it in Czech?

No. I want it in English
right now.

Fine!

I love you too.

Tsk.

Aw.

Just don't cry
in front of J.R.

Ever.

Wow.

She got a way bigger
"I love you" than me.

I'm really sorry.

I shouldn't have said
what I said

about you choosing Michael.

But if you feel that way,
we should talk about it.

I guess I'm still
insecure about it.

I can't help but wonder if
I'm a second choice,

which is impossible
to answer, I know.

Yeah, it is.

I don't know
if this helps or not,

but this is the first year

that I forgot
about the anniversary

of Michael's death,
and that's because of you.

Did you
really think I'd forget?

Good luck on your test.

Hmm.

And with Xo and
Jane's words ringing in her ears,

Alba decided to go for it.

I made a mistake,

when I turned down
your proposal.

I still love you, Jorge.

And I hope we can
give us another try.

I'm sorry,
I can't.

I don't feel
the same way I did.

Something closed
when you turned me down.

Twice.

I understand.

I know.

Not quite the telenovela ending
Alba was hoping for.

But if I take a step,

I'll cause a tidal wave

and the Lady Scientist
will drown!

And cut!

That was great!

For you, no? Heh.

Almost believable.

Where's Darci?
I have wonderful news.

I have secured
Felicia's services

as a nanny.

But we put a great
nanny on hold a few weeks ago

when we heard
your show was getting made.

Wait,
Darci never mentioned that.

You knew about my show?

Yeah. But you pulled
the cancer card.

- I went to great lengths to poach...
- Because you were...

- for a while!
- Never be a guest on Extra!

Stop!

Enough.

You used your wife's cancer

to avoid telling
Darci the truth

about not being able
to watch Baby?

And you made him
feel like there was

a crisis only you could fix
just to teach him a lesson?

Thanks for that.
Even I was getting confused.

You are both wrong.

Mush, whose side are you on?

I'm on Baby's side.

What's wrong?

Jorge, he rejected me.

And it was awful
and humiliating.

Abuela.
Ma, I'm so sorry.

How am I going to be able
to focus on my test now?

You just will.

Abuela, come on.

I'm gonna give
you the same speech

you've always given us:

don't throw away your future
over some boy.

Agreed.
Now, help me up.

- Whoa.
- What?

I'm coming.

You need to be in a good mood
to take that test.

And seeing me out of the house

is gonna put you
in a good mood, right?

- It would.
- All right?

So let's go.

Which brings us here...

I can't believe that traffic.

Go, go! Run!

What do you mean? Please?

Doors are closed.
She's two minutes late.

Sir. Please.

Please. My grandma's
worked so hard for this.

- It means everything to her.
- I'm sorry.

- You're sorry?
- Phew.

We could
really use our whoop ass.

- My mom is late because of me.
- The reason doesn't matter...

Oh, yeah, it does.

Because I have cancer...
No, no,

do not look away.

I have tubes
coming out of me

and pus dripping
in these bags

and it hurts like hell!

But I came here to see my mom

take this damn test,
because being

a citizen of this country
is important to her!

So I am gonna need you
to let her

take that freaking test.

Well if there was
ever a moment to play the cancer card,

this was it.

Go, go.

Oh, Mom.

Thank you.

Who was the U.S. president
during World w*r I?

Woodrow Wilson.

What year was
the Constitution written?

.

How many voting members are
in the House of Representatives?

.

Who rode with George Washington
when he crossed the Delaware?

Wait, that
wasn't one of the practice questions.

I don't know.

I don't know either.

I just had to see
if I could stump you.

I got percent!

I'm going to be
an American citizen!

Congratulations, Alba.

This land is your land.

Esteban is watching Baby.

He said he'll stay with her
for as long as it takes for us

to have
a mature conversation.

Xo said the same thing.

So...

what's the mature explanation

for your incredibly
immature lie?

Sorry.

Let me revise that.

Please tell me
your point of view

on this situation.

As you may recall,

there was a bit of
pomp and circumstance

around my decision
to be a stay-at-home dad.

I'll be happy to
be Baby's nanny on Darci's days.

No way, Rogelio.
You'll do it for a few days

and then get bored
and flake out.

I won't flake.
I'm percent committed.

I couldn't bring myself
to admit that you were right.

That I got bored.

Especially since you love

spending your free
time with Baby.

And you do the hard part.

All the nursing...

I stopped breastfeeding.

But you've been
bringing breast milk

to our house every week.

It's formula.

I just got so tired
of pumping.

And I didn't want to admit
any weakness to you

because I thought
you'd use it against me.

I probably would have.

Well I've been using
your weaknesses

against you,
so that makes sense.

Okay, no more
weaponizing weakness.

Agreed. And to prove
that I mean that,

I'm going to tell
some other weaknesses.

I...

very occasionally...

get...

Botox.

I know.

And it looks...

like you're probably due

for some touch-up fillers too.

Okay, my turn.

I think...

the real reason I hide things
from you is because...

deep down,
I want you to like me.

Deep down,
I want you to like me too.

Well deep down,

I do like you.

And deep...

deep...

deep down,

I like you too.

And not so deep down,
Jane likes me a lot.

She...
loves me, even.

Anyway, so that's why
she came on so strong.

And I'm really sorry
she freaked you out.

You know what
freaked me out?

That she knew how you felt
about me and I didn't.

I didn't
want to scare you away.

I get scared when you're
not straightforward.

Well it's hard.

You already seem
to have one foot out.

I mean, you didn't want
get to know my kids.

Because I don't like kids.

So I wanted to know
we were serious

before getting into
all that.

Well just so you know,
I don't like kids either.

No, but mine aren't normal kids.

They're like...

miniature adults.

Then I'd love to
officially meet them.

When we're serious.

Okay.

Fine.

I want
to be serious with you.

I knew you'd say it first.

And
speaking of getting serious...

It's for you.

I realized three drawers
aren't enough.

What you really need
is a desk so you can write

about whatever it is
you need to write about.

Which I promise,
I won't read.

Oh, I don't know.

Don't you think it makes it look
a little cramped in here?

So maybe we should get
a bigger place.

Together.

Really?

Really.

I think it's time I move in
with the man I love.

Ah, yes.

That's the sweeping romantic
climax I was looking for.

They're taking the next step!

And so are they.
Dinner with the girls.

It's the D.A.'s office.

This must be
the official call

that they've dropped
the charges.

Hello?

I see.

Well let me discuss this
with my client.

They have a new eyewitness
claiming to have been

in the room
the night of Anezka's death.

What?

That's absurd. Who?

- I saw the whole thing...
- Ah, yes,

the one-eyed eyewitness.

And it was not self-defense.

Petra k*lled Anezka
in cold blood.

Well that's
a different kind of climax.