05x06 - Chapter Eighty-Seven

Episode transcripts for the 2014 TV show "Jane The Virgin". Aired October 2014 - July 2019.*
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"Jane The Virgin" revolves around a devout young Latina woman, who must decide what to do after her doctor's error causes her to be artificially inseminated. Based on the Venezuelan telenova Juana La Virgen.
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05x06 - Chapter Eighty-Seven

Post by bunniefuu »

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
All righty, friends and foes,


You recall Jane
was in the middle


of a classic love triangle.

On one side,

her ex-husband Michael
came back from the dead.


I still love you, Jane.

NARRATOR:
On the other,


ex-boyfriend, baby daddy Rafael.

RAFAEL:
All I want

is to put this ring
on your finger.

NARRATOR:
And our poor Jane,


well, she was wrecked,

and she realized...

I can't just dismiss
how I feel about Michael.

NARRATOR:
Which, seemingly,


sent our Rafael
down a dark path.


Also in a tricky
situation, Alba.


See, she married Jorge so
he could get his green card.


Only, she still
had feelings for him.


Oh, and Petra and J.R.

seemed like they were headed
for a breakup, too.


- Please!
- I gave up everything for you.

It was all a lie!

NARRATOR:
But they fought their way


back to each other,
not that they were home free.


I didn't e-mail Milos.

It's right here, Petra,

how you said you won't testify

against him if he
gives you the hotel.

What are you talking about?

- I didn't write this.
- It's from your account.

NARRATOR:
I know!


Straight out of
a telenovela, right?


Well, imagine this.
Rose, aka Sin Rostro,


was the one who faked Michael's
death and wiped his memories.


Tell me why you did it.

ROSE:
I had my Eileen face on,


and my phone fell.

And as we both bent down
to pick it up,


my mask came unglued.

I don't believe you.

I think it has something to do

with this number.

So you're working
with the police now.

Tell them

there's no chance in hell

they'll ever figure out
what that number is.

NARRATOR:
Yikes!


Who knows what she's up to.

Well, I do,
but I can't tell you... yet.


When Jane Gloriana Villanueva

was years old,

she said good-bye

to Michael Cordero Jr.
For the last time...


I love you.

NARRATOR: Or so she thought.

Michael!

I am so proud of you.

NARRATOR:
And, friends, that good-bye


was a moment that Jane
replayed in her head over


and over and over...

XIOMARA:
Enough.

You can't keep looking at old
pictures of Michael. Call him.

I want to.

I-I-I'm trying.

But every time I think I'm ready,
I think about my family,

and how much I love Rafael.

Who doesn't want to see you now.

Because of my feelings
for Michael.

Exactly.

You have them, so call.

What's going on?

BOTH:
What?

(WHISPERING):
Sexy...

NARRATOR: Sorry. Let me show you
what Alba sees.


Oh, who am I kidding?

It's not even sexy
in slow motion.


Ma! Uh, we were talking about
something really important.

Agreed.

- Start slow.
- There is no slow.

If I open the door,
the floodwaters will rush in.

It is not a floodgate,
it's just a text. Send it.

Okay. Fine. Fine.

"Hi." (SHOUTS)

(CELL PHONE BUZZING)

I told you it wasn't
just a text!

He's already calling me back!

Answer it.

(GROANS)

- Hi, hey.
- MICHAEL: Hey.

Do you have any time
this afternoon?


Um, can you hang on a second?

Now what? He wants to hang out.

Uh, you think that's
gonna be casual?

I mean, what are we supposed
to talk about? The weather?

Oh, or how about the fact
that I'm living at home again

because Rafael
kicked me out of the house

because I had to explore things

with Michael even though
I don't know what that means?

A-And how is that even possible?
What am I supposed to do? Huh?

Put on my wedding lingerie and
say, "Welcome back, to this."

Take a deep breath
and calm down.

Just grab some coffee
with him. Decaf.

Right. Okay. Yeah.

NARRATOR:
Ooh, she hit "speaker, "not "mute."

Michael?

Hi. Yeah, coffee sounds good.

MICHAEL: But that's
not why I was calling.


DENNIS: We think Rose lied
about the reason

she gave Michael amnesia.

She said she bumped into me
as Eileen...

NARRATOR:
You remember Eileen, right?


Rose... only with this mask.

And she said I saw
her mask, but I didn't.

I mean I would remember
seeing a mask peel off.

So why do you think she did it?

We don't know, but we think
it has something

to do with this number
I wrote down in my notes.

It's a sequence she typed
over and over.

And before I... d*ed,

I'd been focused on it

'cause it came up so much
in Susanna's keystroke log.

NARRATOR:
You remember Susanna, right?


Rose... only with this mask.

Oops, my bad, that's Shelly.

Sorry, Rose had a lot of masks.
Here's Susanna.


Oh, wow. I... I can't believe

you were still investigating
Rose after you left the force.

Oh, just occasionally.

I mean, the woman's a monster

and she was still out there.

(g*nsh*t)
(GASPS) Oh, my God, Michael!

The thing is, I've been
going through my memories

a thousand times of that day,

and it's all pretty fuzzy.

Unfortunately, memories
are notoriously unreliable.

NARRATOR: I think I said
something like that once,


but I can't quite remember.

Anyway, uh, Dennis suggested we
walk through the day together.

See if any details come back.

Yeah, okay, sure.

So

you and Rafael broke up?

I don't want to talk
about that with you.

Okay. That's fine.

I'm... I'm sorry.

I'm just confused,
as you obviously heard.

No, I get it. Let's just
walk through the day, then.

Great. Uh...

I remember everything exactly.

Uh, we said good-bye in the
doorway of our old apartment.

I had given you a lunchbox

with a policeman on it,
and then I said...


Michael!

I am so proud of you.

(MICHAEL LAUGHING)

- What's so funny?
- Oh...

I can't believe I brought
a lunchbox to the LSATs.

It was sweet.

Oh, I know, of course it was.

It's just weird to think
about now. You know, the guys

at the ranch would hog-tie me
and throw me in the pigsty

if they found out that I brought
a lunchbox to work. (CHUCKLES)

Right. (CHUCKLES)

It's just hard to laugh
since the lunchbox

is tied to the last words
I ever said to you

before you supposedly d*ed.

Right. I'm sorry.

But actually,

those weren't the last words
you said to me.

(CHUCKLES) Trust me, I replayed
that moment over and over.

No.

I remember. You said...

I am so proud of you.

MICHAEL:
And then I turned back.


Oh, your gas t*nk's on empty,

so don't forget to fill it up
before your meeting with Chloe.

Thanks. Now hurry up and go.

Oh, my God. I...

I can't believe
I forgot about that.

And then I sent you
a final "good luck" e-mail

while I was pumping gas,
and you never responded.

I definitely replied.

No, you didn't.
If you sent that e-mail,

I would've read it obsessively
for the last four years.

No, I-I know I sent that.

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

Uh, hello?

Okay, I-I'm sorry.
I'm on my way.

It's Mateo's karate dojo.

Rafael didn't show up
to pick him up. I have to go.

Rafael?

sh**t, they called you?

I'm sorry. I-I messed up.

Is everything okay?

I'm fine.

NARRATOR:
Oh, friends.


How Jane wanted to reach out
and touch him right then,


but alas, everything
had changed.


Just have a lot of stuff
going on at the office.

In fact, since you're here,
do you mind

just taking Mateo and the girls?

I should... got to
get back to work.

Yeah, no problem.

How was karate practice?

Good, I'm amazing!

- Do it.
- Ask her.

Ask me what?

What are dr*gs?

Excuse me?

I saw Daddy taking pills,

and Ellie and Anna
said he's on dr*gs.

NARRATOR:
As you'll recall,


we last left Jane with a very
simple question...


JANE:
What are dr*gs? Uh...

Well, dr*gs are
a very bad thing,

and something you should
never, ever take. And also,

Daddy is not taking dr*gs,
so don't worry about that.

Yes, he is. He's got
a real pill problem.

What? No, he doesn't.

But what-what
makes you say that?

We saw him take them.

Grown-ups take a lot of pills.

Vitamins and aspirin...

These are different.

Daddy always takes
his pills in secret

and keeps them on the top shelf
of the bathroom cabinet

where we can't reach them.

They're probably benzos.

What?

Mommy left the parental controls
off the iPad last week,

and we watched a lot
of inappropriate shows.

We know all about
the opioid crisis, too.

Well, good for you,

and that has nothing
to do with your dad.

We need to talk.

Fine. Make it quick.
I'm preparing for a meeting

with a computer security
expert to get

to the bottom of the weird
e-mails coming from my account.

Preparing by looking at
the IT guy's vacation photos?

If you must know,

the computer security expert
is J.R.'s close friend, Leona.

NARRATOR:
Ah, IT gal.


I've never met any
of J.R.'s friends before,

so I'm just...
doing a little research.

Got it.

Well, um,

I wanted to talk to you about
something serious, but honestly

I don't even know
how to say it, but...

Spit it out, Jane.

Right. Sorry. I'm just...

I'm worried about Rafael,
and I want to talk to him

and be there for him,
and obviously I can't,

but I think he might be
in a really dark place.

Of course he's in a dark place.
You dumped him.

The kids think he's on dr*gs.

- What?
- The twins saw him

taking pills in secret.
Apparently, Mateo did, too.

So can you please talk to him?

You're probably overreacting,
like you always do.

Sorry, did I do something
to offend you?

I'll talk to Rafael and
figure out what's going on.

Now, go. J.R.'s
coming by and if she sees you,

she'll be in a bad mood.

Rafael, hey, it's me, um...

Just hoping to talk
when you get a minute.

ROGELIO:
Talk dirty to me, baby.


Tell me how much you want
the carnal gift of Rogelio.

So, so much.

(CHUCKLES)

It's been too long.

Way too long.

(XIOMARA CHUCKLES)

(EXHALES)

Oh, but you're sexier than ever.

- Mm-hmm?
- And, uh...

Oh, my God.

Your penis got even bigger.

(XIOMARA LAUGHS)

(GASPS)

Oh, sorry.
I didn't mean to interrupt.

(GASPS)

(GASPS)

(EXHALES)

It's no big deal.

Masturbation is normal.

It's just that I really miss
making love to you.

But I don't want to pressure you
before you're ready.

I get it. It's fine.

NARRATOR:
Yeah, don't b*at yourself...


um, up about it, Rogelio.

And I miss our sex life, too.

And I want it back.

You do?

But, I just haven't
really felt like it.

A-After everything my body's
been through this year.

But maybe it's time we try.

What about tonight?

We could go out on a date
and then...

I'm in.

Metaphorically.

And also, hopefully, literally.

LEONA:
You're screwed.


- What do you mean?
- Well, your anti-virus program

is ancient; pretty much
any experienced hacker

could just spoof
your IP address.

(SCOFFS)
Of course.

See? It's Milos.
(SCOFFS)

I filed an injunction against him
to regain control of the hotel.

He's obviously retaliating.

Can you secure it?

- Yeah, no problem.
- Mm.

Okay, perfect, thank you.

Well, take that, Genius Bar.

(LAUGHS)

By the way, I
really dig your ink.

Thanks.

Do you have a go-to
artist or anything?

I-I'm considering
getting one of my own.

Really?
Of what?

Uh, butterfly? Lower back.

I love that idea.

Thanks, Leona.

You should go.

I should get going, too.

I have to go to the,
uh, animal shelter.

What are you talking about?

Oh, I was, um,

thinking of using
the security breach

as an excuse to get
the girls a dog.

They've been asking.

I'm a big fan of dogs.

Rescues only, obviously.

- You are?

Yes.

Have you been stalking me
on Instagram?

RAMOS:
Down, lioness.

Petra was obviously just curious
about my good friend.

My apologies.

Best of luck
with the rescue dog.

- I'll see you at Truck Shop tomorrow?
- Um, we'll see.

Uh-huh.

Wow, she hated me.

She didn't hate you.

That much.

Next time just play it
more low-key.

Make your creepy,
stalker hints more subtle.

Next time when?

Leona blatantly didn't invite me

to the truck shop tomorrow.

She's not really hanging out
at a truck shop, right?

(CHUCKLES) No. It's a gay club.

And she didn't invite you...

'cause, well...

you don't exactly look
like the club type.

What does that mean?

You're too posh
for the club scene.

I am not, I love nightclubs.

NARRATOR: Yep, nightclubs
and rescue dogs.


Petra's favorites.

Okay, look...

I want to try...

getting to know your life more.

Leona's important to you.

So she's important to me, too.

(SIGHS)

Okay.

Come. Yeah.

JANE: I don't have
a good feeling about this.


I want to help, but
digging into the past

is bringing up
all these memories

from when Michael was
investigating Rose

and got sh*t on
our wedding night.

(SIGHS LUSTFULLY)

- Abuela.
- Ay!

No, Michael definitely
didn't write it.

I definitely wrote it.

I just can't
remember my password.

I tried everything
I could think of.

Try M-L-J-T-M- - - .

Five, one, nine.

Good memory.

Well, it stands for Michael
Loves Jane The Mostest.

(CHUCKLES)
Oh, wow.

And / is our
wedding anniversary.

(CHUCKLES)
What?

Nothing, it's just,

I was a lot sappier
than I remember.

You weren't sappy.

You were romantic.

I'm sorry.

Didn't mean it like that.

- It's definitely romantic.
- Can you just

please find the e-mail
that you claim to have sent?

I know I wrote it.

Okay, here it is.

You wrote, "All
gassed up, good luck."

And I wrote...

_

Oh, wow.

I never sent it.

It's been in my draft
folder all these years.

- Why didn't you send it?
- I don't know.

I remember being in line,
writing it.


Oh, it was right when
I bumped into Eileen.


I bent down,
picked up her stuff...


and I saw something;
I know I saw something,

I just can't remember what it was.

Can we go to the coffee shop
tomorrow, see if it helps?

Michael, do you see that car?

It circled twice
before it parked.

Okay.

Isn't that suspicious?

I don't think so;
he's probably just

looking for a spot.

Yeah, okay.
Probably right.

NARRATOR:
Also suspicious?


Are you on dr*gs?

Nice to see you, too.

Why is your apartment
such a mess?

Because I have three
kids and no maid service.

Why are you here?

Jane's concerned about you.

I don't want to talk about Jane.

I'm concerned, too.

So tell me what's going on.

NARRATOR: Oh, my God.

What?

Nothing.
(STAMMERS)

I've never seen you
wear jeans before.

What's the occasion?

Well, if you must know,
I have a very important event

at the Truck Shop,
I'm breaking them in.

You're going to a truck shop?

(SCOFFS) It's not a truck shop.

It's a lesbian hotspot which you
obviously know nothing about.

Oh, well.

The jeans look nice.

If Jane likes them,
they're wrong.

Get me a new pair.

Actually, let me try those on.

But these are my favorite jeans.

I've had them since high school.

Perfect; so they're already
broken in. Now go take them off.

I spoke to Rafael,
you can relax. I'm handling it.

So there's something to handle?

I need to get back to work.
So do you.

I-If there's something
going on with Rafael,

I-I need to know before
I let Mateo stay with him.

Mateo will be fine. I also have
children with Rafael, remember?

(STAMMERING):
Okay... okay.

What is going on?

Why are you acting like this?

(GASPS) Am I not giving you
enough attention again?

Oh, please.

I'm just looking out
for Rafael, okay?

If he wanted you to know
what's going on, he'd tell you.

So mind your own business.

NARRATOR:
Also getting a smackdown?


(SMACK)
(YELPS)

(GIGGLES)
(SIGHS)

Thank you, Rogelio,
for doing all of this.

It's very romantic.

You ain't seen nothing yet,
Mrs. De la Vega.

(GIGGLES)

Ah...

NARRATOR:
This is going very well.


Perhaps we should
give them a minute.


_

I'm sorry, uh...

I'm just not...
feeling it.

XIOMARA:
And I haven't since chemo.


I thought my sex drive
would be back by now.

And mentally, I feel ready.

But physically...

Well, that's another story.

You're most likely experiencing
chemo-induced menopause,

which can affect everything
from hormone levels

to your physiological
response to stimulus.

Menopause?

But I'm only in my s.

It's a good thing;
the lower your estrogen levels,

the lower your
chances of relapse.

Okay, so when do you think
my sex drive will come back?

It's different for everyone.

- But it will.
- I'm sorry.

I just can't say
with any certainty.

Let's just focus
on the good part.

Menopause reduces the risk
of the cancer coming back.

And that's all we want.

The muffin was dry.

Okay, good.
Do you remember anything else?

No. Nothing.

BARISTA:
Jane.

MALE BARISTA:
Eileen.


(GASPS)

Oh, I'm so sorry.
It's my fault.

Let me get that.

Here you go, Buttercup.
(CHUCKLES)

Sorry. Eileen.

- I know why Rose gave me amnesia.
- NARRATOR: I do, too!

- What? Why?
- Eileen was a stranger to me,

so I didn't think anything of it

at the time, but the website
I saw on her phone,

the username was "Buttercup."

NARRATOR:
Like in
The Princess Bride.

- No, I know, he's telling it.
- I don't follow.

Dread Pirate Roberts
was the alias of the guy

who created
the online Silk Road,

which is basically
the eBay of vice.

People can seek out anything
from hit men to drug dealers.

Dread Pirate Roberts was
the hero in The Princess Bride

and Buttercup was the heroine.

NARRATOR: Rose always did love
a good play on words.


So you think this website
is her version of the Silk Road?

Username Buttercup.

And the keystroke I found
must be the password.

Dennis, call me. It's important.
Oh, my God.

That's the car. Th-The same
one that was circling

the block by my house,
we are definitely being followed.

I'm sure it isn't.

Think about it:
Rose almost k*lled you twice

and now you're running around
investigating her again?

You don't think
it's possible that

she would send someone
after you?

You're right;
we got to move. Now.

I texted Dennis.
We should wait here for him.

You okay?

No, I'm scared.
Like I was four years ago.

And mad?
Because of four years ago?

God.

NARRATOR: Whoa. Too much baggage.

I can't believe you were still
investigating Rose back then.

What did you expect me to do?
I was a cop.

No, you weren't.
You'd given it up.

At least that's what I thought,

- I guess you were lying to me.
- I had to.

I knew how much you hated it.
Hell, that's why I quit.

No, you left because you were
unhappy on desk duty.

Yeah, that definitely was a part
of it, but the bigger part was

I knew how freaked out you were

by me being a cop.

So I stopped.

You're saying I'm the reason
you gave up your career?

(DOOR OPENS)
(JANE GASPS)

(SIGHS):
Oh...

Sorry to scare you guys.

We've been keeping
a protective detail on you

out of an abundance of caution.

That was my guy
you saw out there.

NARRATOR:
A heads-up would've been nice.


But the good news is,
we haven't seen anything

out of the ordinary.
You're safe.

Oh.
Yeah.

Can you just give us
a minute, please?

Yeah.

Thank you.

(DOOR CLOSES)

So? Am I the reason
you gave up your career?

Yeah.

I wanted to do it for you.

(PHONE BUZZES)

So what are we really trying
to hold onto?

What do you mean?

You weren't doing
what you loved.

You were lying to me.

I mean, how was that good
for either of us?

I was happy.

I know I was happy.

But you wouldn't be now.

All our memories are silly
and sappy and...

What do you want me to say?
I've changed.

(PHONE BUZZES)

Look, I have to go. Mateo's
been working on this project.

Let's talk later.

(SIGHS)

NARRATOR: I will take this
moment to point out one irony:


Jane hated police work...

and yet, she could never
resist playing detective.


What the hell are you doing?

I-I texted you
that I was coming over.

Y-You forgot to send Mateo's
art project with him to school.

And you thought you were gonna
find it in my medicine cabinet?

I'm sorry.

Look, I-I'm worried
that you're in a dark place.

Whatever place I'm in
is none of your business.

You lost the right to ask
about my personal life

when you decided to explore
things with Michael.

But it is my business
when your personal life

affects our family.

You've missed pickups,
you're oversleeping,

you're not at work.
'Cause I'm not feeling well.

Which, again, is none
of your business.

You need to leave.

Well...
(SIGHS)

I'm and...

and my sex life is over.

Good to know.
Thanks for the a...

NARRATOR:
Well, well, well.


Look who's suddenly a sexpert.

But...

Ma.

Are you done?

Okay.

And thanks.
That's really good advice.

I'm so glad you're home.

I've missed you, mi amor.

NARRATOR:
Wow.


Alba might not need
her
huevito much longer.

(LAUGHS SOFTLY)

I don't need an excuse
to kiss my wife, do I?

Who are these creeps
k*lling the mood?


You got home
at the perfect time.

We have some guests
from the immigration office.

They're here
on a surprise home visit.

I'm sorry.
I-I didn't know we had company.

May we take a tour of your home?


Oh, boy.

The only thing more
uncomfortable than Alba


and Jorge
with immigration officials


is Petra trying to pretend like
she's used to wearing jeans.


RAMOS: Then after Ryan
and Shawna broke up,

all hell broke loose.

Everyone had to take sides.

I don't even know these people,
but I'm obviously Team Shawna,

because girl power,
am I right, ladies?

We should deport Petra
from this lesbian bar.


Am I right, ladies?

Well, uh, first of all,
Ryan is also a woman.

And, uh, she's clearly
the victim in this breakup,

because not only did
Shawna dump her,

but she also took
full custody of their cat

even though Ryan paid
for all of its cancer treatment.

♪ Female Denzel,
girl on fire... ♪

Hey, I'm going to the bathroom.
Do you want to come with?

No, I'm happy
hanging with the girls. Ha.

♪ Everything's leaky... ♪

(AIR HORN BLOWS)

Hey, ladies,

don't forget to sign up for
the Tatas and Tushies contest!

It's gonna get wet
and it's gonna get wild!

Best dancer gets
a free bottle of champagne!

(HOWLS)

So, who's gonna dance
so we get a free bottle?

Why don't I just order one
for the table?

That way, we don't have
to get our jeans wet.

Yeah, dancing's
kind of the point.

LOOKALIKE: This isn't
really your scene, huh?

Or partying in general?

Are you kidding?
No, I love to party.

Me and my friends get lit.

Sure, if it were .

Ah.

Oh, Petra, I have
to talk to you, now.

LEONA:
Oh, you're friends with Petra?

She was just telling me
all about how you guys get lit.

Oh, yeah. Y-You should see

how crazy we get
on our Sunday brunches.

Last week, we split a mimosa.

What are you doing here?

I'm sorry, but things
with Rafael are getting worse

and I'm really worried.

Okay, look...
A-and I know we broke up,

but I'm still
the mother of his child.

I still get to know
what's happening with him,

especially if he's hurting
himself or doing dr*gs, or...

He is not doing dr*gs, Jane.

He started taking
antidepressants.

♪ Na, Na, Na, Na, Na... ♪

NARRATOR:
You'll recall,


Jane just learned
that Rafael was on dr*gs.


Anti-depressants?

Just not the kind she imagined.

Yes. Are you satisfied?

Well, I'm glad that he's taking
care of himself,

- and getting help.
- Great. Now, I'd really rather not

hold your hand while
you process this

for the next ten hours,
so go home, Jane.

I'm sorry, why are you being
such a bitch to me?

What? What did I do?

You asked for my advice,

and then you didn't take it.

Excuse me?

I told you to send Michael away,

and instead
you broke Rafael's heart.

That's why you're mad at me?

You're creating chaos
for our whole family,

and-and I just don't get
why you're doing this.

Okay, first of all,
I'm not doing anything.

These are my feelings,
I can't control them.

- I just don't understand.
- You don't have to. Lord knows,

I don't understand all
the choices that you make,

but I still support you because
that's what friends do. And so,

if you are serious
about being my friend,

you need to get over yourself
and support me.

(AIR HORN BLOWS)

What up, ladies?

Who's ready for the Tatas
and Tushies contest?

(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)

If you want to shake it

for that free bottle of bubbly,
come up on stage!

You're right, Jane.

We should support each other
no matter what.

So can you help me
out right now?

What? Where are we going?

♪ I light it up,
I set it off... ♪

What are you doing?

I need to show J.R.'s friends

that I am not stuck-up,
that I can be fun.

Look like you're
having fun, Jane!

Support your sister, please.
I'm hanging on by a thread.

NARRATOR:
Wow. For a tatas and tushies contest,

she's shaking a lot of elbow.

O-Okay, less arms, more butt.

Shake your ass.

Um... wiggling.

Why are you wiggling?
Don't wiggle... stop wiggling!

- Okay, this is not helping.
- Grind up on me.

I don't know how to do that.

Just, uh, spell your name
with your butt.

Lina taught me
in the eighth grade formal.

What is that?
Times New Roman?


(LAUGHS)
In cursive.

Oh, okay.
Now roll the R. Roll it.

Roll it like you mean it!
There you go.

♪ I light it up,
I set it off... ♪

Oh... oh, lowercase R.
Okay, I like it.

(BOTH LAUGH)

♪ Low-key get my dough, though,
I light it up ♪

♪ I set if off,
put hashtag, no photo... ♪

That's $ .

It's fine! She's rich!

_

(SHOUTS)
Oh!

(SCREAMING, CHEERING)

♪ Now watch me do it,
I set it off ♪

♪ Now watch me
do it, I set it off ♪

♪ I set it off... ♪

CROWD (CHANTING):
Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!

Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!

(CHANTING CONTINUES)

BOTH:
Eh!

Is this hot enough for you?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yes.

Yes.

Oh, Ro... oh...

ROGELIO: My God. Sorry.
(DEVICE VIBRATING)

NARRATOR: Looks like
Rogelio's not the only one


going down the rabbit hole.

I'm glad to-to see you...

helping yourself.

(NERVOUS CHUCKLE)

Would you like some company?

NARRATOR:
Finally, things seem to be


back on track.

Let's give them another minute.

Or four.

(PASSIONATE MOANING, KISSING)

_

Never mind.

I'm sorry.
I-I'm just not ready.

Don't be sorry.

I'm just confused.

When I saw you strumming
your lady guitar,

I assumed that meant you've-
you'd gotten your groove back.

(WEAK CHUCKLE)
It's not that simple.

When I was by myself,

I was able to finally
get out of my head a little.

But with sex,

I am just not there yet.

Well, what can I do to help?

I think, for now,

this is something I'm gonna
have to work out on my own.

Of course.

Whatever you need.

Joint bank accounts,
joint credit card statements.

Bring it all to your interview.

We'll be in touch
to schedule it.

_

_

_

_

_

_

_

_

_

_

_

NARRATOR:
And maybe it was


the lingering effects
of their kiss,


or the fact that they almost
got busted by Immigration,


but in that moment,
Alba knew she had to come clean


to her fake husband.

(EXHALES)

(SNIFFLES)

And, hey, thank you for
getting up there with me,

and teaching my butt
the alphabet.

(LAUGHS)

And listen,

I'm sorry. You're right.

Friends support, so...

whatever happens with Michael,
I'm here.

(SIGHS)

Kiss already.

(LAUGHS)

Okay, I'm gonna leave.

Okay.

Oh, hey-o.

I only got second place,

but, you know, it came
with a free pitcher of beer.

(CHUCKLES)
Beer's not really my thing.

NARRATOR:
Oh, what
do you like, Leona?

Okay, look.

I have been nothing
but nice to you.

And I get that you think I am

snobby and uptight...

It's not because you're uptight.

Then what is your problem?

How about the fact that you
broke my best friend's heart?

And ruined her career?

And honestly,

it's really hard to even look
at you without wondering

how you're gonna hurt her next.

And speaking
of broken relationships...


Hey.

I just wanted to apologize.

I shouldn't have gone through
your things earlier today,

and I'm sorry.

I was just really worried.

Okay. Is that it?

NARRATOR:
No, friends, it isn't.


Jane wanted to tell Rafael
that she was sorry


that she was the one
causing him this pain.


Yeah, that's it.

Okay. Look,
can you do me a favor?

Of course, anything.

Can you just give me some space?

I'll talk to you in three days

when it's your turn
to get Mateo.

NARRATOR:
Friends, through the years,


we have seen our Villanueva
women in all states,


haven't we?

You okay?

_

_

Definitely.

But we have yet
to see them all...


(ALL CRYING)

cry at the same time.

- Oh, no.
- JANE: Abuela.

- XO: Are you okay?
- JANE: No.

_

What? But are you okay?

Jorge doesn't love her.
What?

_

I'm heartbroken about Rafael
and confused about Michael.

Mom? What's wrong?

I don't want to have sex,
and I love having sex.

- Mom!
- JANE: (LAUGHS) Oh, God!

Man. Times have changed.

Could you imagine Ma saying
that a couple of years ago?

Yeah. Me, too.

Such a different person.

Yeah. Me, too.

Ha. You know, it's funny.

I've been so focused
this whole time

on how Michael has changed,

but I guess I have, too.

PETRA:
I need to change, now.


Just tell me what Leona said.

Nothing. She and
I are different,

and she was just
pointing that out.

No, she needs to back off.

N-No, stop. Hey.

I get it. Okay?
She's your friend.

She should be protective.

Friends support each other.

NARRATOR:
Wow.


Look who's suddenly
the friendship expert.


Besides, she'll come around,

once she sees how I've changed.

And how happy
I'm going to make you.

- So I was thinking...
- Mm-hmm?

Maybe tonight
I should sleep over?

Yeah?

Yeah.

Okay.

(ELSA AND ANNA SCREAMING)

Scary man!
He was just in our room.

He ran onto the balcony!

MICHAEL:
Oh, my God, I was right.

NARRATOR:
Hey, I figured it out, too.


Don't take all the credit.

We're inside her network.

Username Buttercup.

This is it.

Rose's criminal Craigslist.

DENNIS:
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

BOBBY: Cordero led the police
to the Satin Road.


But don't worry, I managed
to shut it down in time.

Good.

Should I take care of Cordero?

If the cops are onto the Satin Road,
we've got bigger problems.

We need to move up the timeline.

Leave Michael alone.
He's irrelevant now.

NARRATOR:
Well, not to all of us.


That was so close.

Yeah. But it was
still a good find.

We know how
she's making her money now.

"We"?

Well, what do you think?

Would you ever
come back to the force?

(PHONE BUZZES)

Which brings us here, now.

I wanted to apologize,
for overreacting before.

No, I didn't mean to crap
on all on our memories.

You didn't.

I did.

A little.

But I get it. It wasn't perfect.

You know,

I think it actually was.

Oh, your gas t*nk's on empty,

so don't forget to fill her up
before your meeting with Chloe.

Thanks. Now hurry up and go.

MICHAEL: I remember
thinking how lucky I was


to be married to you,

which is how I felt every single
time you walked into a room.

Or out of our room.

It was perfect,

but for who we were then.

But we're just different now.

Yeah.

We really are.

But what's not different
is the way I feel towards you,

and sitting here,

how much I just want
to hold your hand.

The truth is,

we'll never know what could
be as long as we're here,

in Miami,

surrounded by the ghosts of our past.

Come with me to Montana.

(CHUCKLES):
What?

Just for a couple days.

Let's get out of here.

What do you say?

Let's go.

NARRATOR:
Wow.


She really has changed.
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