03x25 - k*ller Queen

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Guardians of the Galaxy". Aired: September 2015 to June 2019.*
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"Guardians of the Galaxy" picks up where the film left off and they patrol the universe protecting it from various villains that thr*aten it.
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03x25 - k*ller Queen

Post by bunniefuu »

[Loki] Niffleheim...

Realm of Hela,
queen of Asgard's fallen.

And, unfortunately, the location
of the last sword fragment

- we need to reforge Dragonfang.
- I'll take those, Loki.

Not that
I don't trust you with them, but...

No. Wait. Just kidding.

I absolutely don't trust you with them.

So how come ancient Asgardian sword
fragments ain't ever hidden someplace nice?

We're not here to relax, Rocket.

The Serpent is using Asgard to
absorb all life in the galaxy,

and Dragonfang is the only
w*apon that can stop him.

So we smash in, grab the sword,
and smash our way out.

[scoffs] One slight flaw in
the green behemoth's plan...

no one has ever returned
from Hela's realm alive.

We already lost Yondu.

I won't risk losing anyone else.

Why would Hela refuse to help?

Is the Serpent not her enemy as well?

I'm afraid it's not so simple.

Hela enchanted Dragonfang
to help Odin defeat the Serpent,

but it broke in the battle, and
Odin banished Hela as punishment.

She hates all Asgardians now.

Fortunately,
I have something no Asgardian,

nor any of you possess...
charm.

I will convince Hela to join our cause.

Or, better yet, you can distract Hela
while Iron Man tracks down the fragment

and reforges the sword before
she even knows it's missing.

So tell me, Peter Quill,

how do you propose
we escape the inescapable?

By bringing along the best
breakout artists in the galaxy.

- I am Groot?
- Of course I mean us!

Who else would I mean?

[Hulk] And what are the rest of us
supposed to do, twiddle our thumbs?

[Quill] I don't know, Hulk. Maybe smash
anything that gets near the Bifrost.

[wind howling]

[Gamora]
Why couldn't we just Bifrost in?

Hela would view any teleportation
as an att*ck, Gamora.

Uh, hey, guys?
What's that?

[Drax]
That would appear to be snow.

[Quill] No, Drax.
Under the snow.

[computer trilling]
[Iron Man] It's an Asgardian transport.

[Rocket] Yes!

- I am Groot?
- Who cares why it crashed here?

Can't be worse than trudging
through all this krutackin' snow.

[Drax] Incorrect, Rocket.
It is much worse.

All right, guys. Let's show this thing
what happens when someone messes

with the Guardians of the Galaxy!
[Loki screams, grunts]

Loki is not technically a Guardian.

- Do we still need to fight?
- I'm gonna say yes!

[both grunt]

I need a manual jump.

Open the forward panel
and push the green button. Go!

I am Groot, I am Groot,
I am Groot. [grunts]

No way I get b*at by calamari.

[yells, grunts]

[screaming]
[panting]

[together] Hey, watch out!
[Gamora grunts]


I am Groot, I am Groot,
I am Groot! Mm...

[Quill] Rocket! Go, go, go!

- The green one, Groot! Green!
- I am Groot!

[beeps]

[ascending whirring]

[Quill] Thanks for getting
us away from that creature.

Well, most of it.

Queen Hela,

I humbly apologize for
intruding on your domain.

Lower.

Knees.

[chuckles to himself]

[quietly] Shall I trim your toenails
whilst I'm down here?

All are humbled before Hela.

And you must be desperate as well
to come here, Loki Lie-Smith.

What do you imagine
I would give the son of Odin

other than my utter contempt?

[Loki] This is beyond
petty disputes, Hela.

Odin's brother has taken Asgard
and everyone in it c*ptive.

[Hela]
And why should that concern me?

I fought the Serpent once for Odin,

and he repaid me with banishment.

[Loki] Odin was a fool.

How could I neglect such
a powerful, enchanting ally?

You flatter to deceive, Lie-Smith.

Scanner shows the sword
fragment right behind this wall.

[clicks]

[ascending mechanical whine]

You wound me, Hela.

I would never seek to deceive
one so clever as you.

[Rocket] Okay.
Not our best distraction.

Of course you would deceive me, Loki.
It is in your nature.

Meet my associates,

the Guardians of the Galaxy
and Iron Man.

They bring gifts...

the two missing chards
of your enchanted sword,

- Dragonfang.
- [Quill] Say what now?

[Gamora] Loki, what are you doing?

[Drax] He is removing the sword
fragments from Iron Man's armor.

No, I'm improvising.

[Rocket] That a fancy word
for double-crossing us?

- I am Groot!
- What use have I for mere fragments?

I also bring you the mortal
capable of reforging Dragonfang.

A gift from Asgard,
with my most humble apologies

for the ungrateful way
Odin treated you.

All we require from you
is the remaining fragment.

Hmm. Is that all?

[chuckles] Oh, and, you know,
your permission to briefly,

briefly borrow
the sword for a small task.

- Okay, maybe it's not a double cross.
- Yet.

Forgive me if I find it
difficult to believe

this mortal capable
of scratching his own nose,

let alone reforging
an enchanted sword.

I can totally scratch...

That's 'cause Junk Man here
is just the tool kit.

I'm the brains
behind this operation.

Intriguing. Show me.

[Iron Man] Okay, I don't
recall being consulted

on the whole "brains,
tool kit" arrangement.

[whirrs down]
Uh, hello? Rocket, I c-can't move!

And that's better
for everyone, humie.

- Now let the master work.
- I swear, if you tell any of the other

Avengers about this...
and listen to me...

I am gonna fire a repulsor
in your tail so hard...

[laughs, sighs]

To think a mere lapdog
would be capable

of accomplishing such a feat.

[whirrs]
Back online.

One, don't call me "lapdog."

That's worse than "rodent."
Two, you're welcome.

You have our thanks, Hela.

Now, if you could just release us,

we will happily take our leave.

Oh, I would, but freeing you
would upset my other guest.

The Serpent?

And I value his opinion
far more than yours.

[Loki]
You summoned the Serpent?

No one summons me, trickster.

I come and go as I please.

You distracted me

while your allies attempted
to steal my sword fragment.

Nothing goes on inside my realm
without my knowledge, Loki.

[Quill] Oh, so we were
double-crossed, just not by Loki.

Yes. That is called irony.
Is it not?

Why are you siding with the Serpent?

I do not have a side.
Hela, as always, stands alone.

Oh.
Then you won't mind if I do this?

Actually, I do mind!

- Foolish mortals!
- Get back!

- Easier said than done!
- Not when you have the sword.

Okay, wasn't expecting bone spikes.

Aah!

Ah. Hela thanks you for your gift.

[Gamora] Iron Man, could
really use some backup now.

I can't reach the others.
My comm's being jammed.

[Iron Man cries out]

Pity you don't have the sword.

I trust these theatrics are over?

I was beginning to think
the great Hela

could no longer keep
her own house in order.

[Hela] Take your prize and
leave me in peace, Serpent.

[Quill] Wait. Him?
Really?

[grunts]

[groaning]

Of course. Outside of myself, Loki
is the only Asgardian still free.

My thanks, Hela.

Now, since there is no longer
ill will between us,

I trust you won't mind giving
me the sword, Dragonfang,

and the mortal
who reforged it as well.

Actually, I would mind.
You'll get neither.

You dare to deny the All-Father?!

This sword nearly k*lled both of us
the last time I used it.

Shall we try it again?
The sword is mine,

and these mortals are mine
so long as they amuse me.

But I understand how
you might feel... slighted.

Toward that end,

my Fallen Warriors will escort you
to your missing Bifrost chamber.

Consider it, and all inside, yours.

[Serpent]
And the Man of Iron,

lest you be tempted to have
him forge more Dragonfangs

- and challenge my rule.
- Very well.

- But I'm the one who did all the wor... [muffled mutter]
- I am Groot.

[Hela] But I warn you, Serpent.
[Loki, Iron Man groan]

Intrude upon my realm again,

and you will not find me
nearly so agreeable.

My Avengers comm isn't working.

You're pushing it wrong, or your
fat head is blocking the signal.

Watch your fat beak, Duck!

[frustrated yell]

- It must be broken or something!
- It is now.

Seriously? You people
are heroes on your planet?

[Serpent, Iron Man groaning]

Loki, where are Guardians?

Dealing with Hela.
They need our help, now!

Why Cosmo
cannot read Loki's mind?


[all grunt]

[all groaning]

Asgard, but not like I remember it.

[Howard grunts]

This ain't good.

It also ain't over.
[roars]

[straining]

A noble struggle,
green behemoth,

but ultimately doomed to failure.

Smart play getting rid
of the Serpent, Hela.

Now we can take the sword and sneak
att*ck him while his guard's down.

That was the plan, right?
Wheels within wheels?

[laughs]
I meant what I said, mortal.

The only reason I'm keeping you
is that you amuse me.

Amuse this, lady!
[ascending whirring]

[grunts]

[grunting]

You do more than amuse me,
lapdog.

You intrigue me.

Your friends, however, can
rot in my dungeon [straining]

for the remainder
of their mortal lives,

which won't be long, trust me.

I am Groot!

Just so you know, I've broken
out of every prison ever made.

You'll never keep me
locked up in here.

That is precisely
what I'm counting on.

Hey, stop poking.
Your hands are really cold.

Aah!

[Gamora]
Quill, they're Fallen Warriors.

- What did you expect?
- Drax expects to escape.


The fools never
took our weapons.

In my experience, if no one
takes the time to disarm you,

it's because they
don't think it matters.

- Well... [sighs] one way to find out.
- [Gamora] Wait!

[all grunting]

[Quill] Oh! Yeah! Okay!
Yeah, this was a bad idea!

[Groot screams]

- I am Groot!
- Okay, now we know.

[sighs] Huh?
[electricity arcing]

[mutters]

[grunts]

[yells, grunts]

[straining]

Frustrating, is it not?

Believe me, I know the feeling.

[grunts, groans]

Why?
'Cause Odin dumped you here?

I am not simply banished.

When Dragonfang shattered,
my power did as well,

and Odin trapped it here
within this chest.

And even with
Dragonfang restored,

I cannot open it myself.

I may rule this realm,
but I cannot leave this room.

But, as you've said,

you have broken
out of every prison ever made.

Now you will break me out of mine.

Or would you and your friends
rather join my army?

So all I gotta do is open a box?

Let me at it.

[Drax laughing]
[w*apon blow lands]

[grunting]

I am nearly through.
[grunting continues]

- [Quill] Yeah, I'll hold my breath.
- I do not recommend that.

Breathing is essential.

- I am Groot.
- [sighs] Okay.

Groot, there's no way
you can just pick the... [clicks]

I am Groot?

[Groot yelling]

Aah!

[yells]

This isn't right.
It shouldn't be this easy.

Normally, I'd agree with you, but...
Are you feeling all right?

You look kind of pale.

I am Groot.

[Gamora]
Uh, Quill, you're fading.

What? I'm not fading.
You're fading!

Oh, man. Oh, no.
I'm totally fading!

Hela said the remainder of our
immortal lives won't last long.

Her realm is draining our life energy.

No! Drax is hideously decrepit!
[grunts]

Dude, you look exactly the same.

Do not lie to comfort me, Quill.
I am ravaged by age!

That's why they didn't disarm us.

Hela knew as soon as
we tried to escape,

our life force would start fading.

Some faster than others.

Still, we better get out before
we start looking like those guys.

[Hela] Work faster, lapdog.

Yeah, that's right.
thr*aten me.

That'll really speed things up.

[slowly] Work faster.

[grunting]

Cold?
I'll show you cold!

[grunting]

[grunts]

It's not just cold.
I feel... old.

[straining]

Aahh!

[weak grunt]
I am Groot.

Then we better get to Rocket
before I break a hip.

Whoa!

[grumbling]

[frustrated grunt]

The only way to get this thing open
is to break that flange.

But it's pure uru.

Nothing but an Asgardian
w*apon can do it.

How can I have any faith
that you're telling the truth?

Fine. I got something better
than Asgardian weapons.

[beeping]

[devices beeping]

Ugh!
Enough of these foolish fireworks!

Do it, now.

Huh.

Stand back.

This is a delicate operation.

[yelling]
[rumbling]

Yes!
The power is mine once more!

[gasps] I am free,
and I will march on Asgard

with an army so large
all Nine Realms will tremble!

And that arrogant snake
will learn that no one...

no one stops Hela!
[laughs]

Well, except me.

[lid thuds shut]

Heh. That was for keeping me
from my blaster.

See how you like it when
I keep you from your sword.

Ugh! Then I'll just have to make do
with this one!

[grunting]

Works pretty good. Thanks.
[beeping]

[all panting]

That was a lot of stairs.

You guys don't look so good.
Not that I care.

Just move!

[grunts, pants]

You may be out of my reach,
lapdog,

but not out of my grasp!

Lady, looks like I'm out of
both from where I'm standing.

Less taunting, more running.
[panting]

Or at least fast walking.

At last, my youthful vigor
and color is restored!

You still... look... exactly...
the same!

No Bifrost, no backup.

Guess that hunk of junk
will have to do.

This rig ain't meant for spaceflight.

I gotta juice the engines
just to break orbit. [grunts]

[ascending whirring]

None shall escape Hela's realm.

Uh, Rocket, I'm starting to get

what she meant by that whole
"not out of my grasp" thing.

[yells]

[thud]

[yells]
I am Groot!

[grunts, growls]

[Rocket laughs]
I can make anything fly!

[descending motor whirring]

Okay.
I didn't say for how long.

What am I supposed to do now,
get out and push?

[air hissing]
[Gamora] Better push fast.

We're running out of oxygen.

[Drax] Now I would recommend
holding your breath.
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