03x03 - Six Feet

[bunniefuu]

- Previously on "Wrecked"...
- Danny Wallace?

His family's worth billions!

I'm Declan Stanwick. This
is my private island.

This place is bad news!

The dude has human heads on the wall!

So, what are you gonna do?
Are you just gonna k*ll us?

No, I'm going to break you

and watch you hunt each
other to the death.

I think we're in trouble.

♪ ♪

Martha!

Something's wrong with Steve!

Come quick!

♪ ♪

[MOANING]

We just found him like this.

- He's ice-cold.
- Oh, who's that?

Hello? I'm ice-cold.

FLORENCE: You're cold?
But it's warm here.

He must be sick.

He must be so sick!

I guess you probably
better come on in here

and take a look at him, right?

Who's behind the wall?

No one.

It's the dumb one, isn't it?

Flabby McConaughey?

Probably what... holding a rock?

No.

Yeah, I'm not coming in there.

- God damn it!
- Son of a...

Flabby?!

Does this guy look
flabby to you, Barfa?!

How about his identical
twin brother, Pecsas Bill?!

Well, that's just great.

I'm acting my ass off, and
I'm surrounded by amateurs.

This is the Wellington Dinner
Theater all over again!

Just face it... We're gonna
have to k*ll each other

in a shitty "Hunger Games,"
and we're not even gonna get

cool outfits from Lenny Kravitz!

Listen.

There's still eight of
us and two of them.

As long as we got the numbers,
we got a fighting ch...

[HELICOPTER BLADES WHIRRING]

♪ ♪

Scratch that. It's a chopper.

There's probably more
of them. We're dead.

Who would do this?

Who would make people hunt each other?

The rich. That's who.

Make no mistake,

rich people are monsters.

Who wants gorilla with their eggs?

Brewster, ape steak?

Uh, does a fat dog fart
when you squeeze it?

'Course I'm havin' ape steak, man.

Come on!

Errol, how about you?

No, I'm still vegan,

just like last year and
the year before that.

Well, I'm sure Martha can find

something green for you
to stuff in your p*ssy.

[LAUGHTER]

It's the exact same
joke he said last year.

- Still lands.
- No, it doesn't.

- No, it doesn't.
- Still lands it.

Gentlemen, I would like to
thank you for clearing space

in your busy schedules to come along

to this impromptu hunt.

What's happening, Declan?

I know you couldn't have rounded up

enough contestants already.

No, Peabody, I have not.

A few weeks ago,

a pirate contacted me about some cargo

she had come across...

the survivors of an airline crash.

I was ready to bring them here.

I told her I wanted their organs.

I left out the little bit
about the hunting, of course.

[LAUGHTER]

But then she went dark.

I had almost given up on the
endeavor until two days ago

when eight of them just
washed up on my shore.

No way.

- Are you serious?
- What are the odds?

I think this is going to
be our best hunt yet.

- Yeah!
- Whoo-hoo! All right!

Man, I am so pumped to watch
people hunt each other.

Being rich is awesome. This is awesome!

♪ ♪

Look alive, meat!

Mr. Stanwick wants to show
you off to his guests.

But first, we have to
clean the stink off you.

Okay, listen, we get it.

We're your captives.

But can we just treat each other
with a little bit of resp...

Aah! So cold! Aah!

[ALL SCREAMING]

Gentlemen, may I present to
you this year's contestants.

♪ ♪

[BREWSTER LAUGHS] Well, I'll be.

If this ain't the most
rag-tag-lookin' group

of sorry sons of b*tches I ever did...

I'm afraid I'm gonna
have to stop you there.

You see, you've already
made one grave mistake.

Oh, yeah? And what's that?

You've left me untied.

- [ELECTRICITY CRACKLES]
- Aah!

[LAUGHTER]

Whoo!

Surprise! [LAUGHS]

Errol's bracelets can
deliver up to , volts

of electricity coursing
through your body

with just the touch of a single button.

It can also count your steps.

[CHUCKLES]

Right.

I'm just... I'm changing
my strategy a bit.

I'm gonna join the... the line.

We have a little tradition
here at Isle de Declan.

Before we send you out to
hunt each other to the death,

we like to name our prey.

You.

Step forward.

♪ ♪

Holy sh*t.

We're starting with the hard one.

I mean, he's just... He's so bland.

- Yeah.
- You know?

I mean, like, if I close my eyes,

I can't even remember
what he looked like.

I'm getting "Vanilla."

- Ah.
- [LAUGHS]

Done. Martha?

Next!

Easy.

- The Hot One.
- Yep.

Screw you.

- Also, thank you.
- Next!

What's a sort of douche-baggy,

desert-trashy sort of name?

- Uh, Todd?
- What?

- MARTHA: Next!
- Oh, I got it.

"Outback," like the steakhouse.

Well, that's actually Australian.

I'm from New Zealand, so...

- Uh, "Awesome Blossom"?
- Yes!

That's Chili's. That's not
even Outback. That's...

MARTHA: Next!

Uh, "The Hot One"?

So, Jess and I are both "The Hot One"?

Oh, yeah. That is confusing.
Uh, "Cute One"?

I don't think it's that confusing.

- Next!
- Hi.

Look at that little
fella. He's pint-sized!

Pint-sized? More like half
pint, am I right, guys?

[LAUGHTER]

Yes! You're right!

Hey, you want some steak?

Hmm? Hmm? Hmm? Hmm? Fetch.

- Don't mind if I do!
- Next!

Whoa! Look at this big old bitch.

I think we have our "Six Feet."

Well, that's inaccurate.
I'm ' ", not '.

"Six feet" as in six feet under.

You'll be the first to die in the hunt.

Based on what criteria?

Uh, you're old as sh*t.

[LAUGHS] And you're a woman.

BREWSTER: Look at him eating
it off the floor like a dog.

Hey, can you bark like a dog, Half Pint?

[YIPPING]

[LAUGHS] That's adorable!

Next!

I'm thinking, uh, "Dough Boy"?

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

- I mean...
- Daniel?

Daniel Wallace?

Uh, yeah.

[LAUGHS]

Holy sh*t!

I was sitting there like,
"I know this guy."

It was the beard or something.

Wow! I'm Greg Peabody.

I used to work with your father.

We both got sued for harassment

by that same fat, dumb lady.

- Oh, my God.
- Yeah!

Declan, we don't hunt our own.

Get this bracelet off of him.

He's one of us.

- Peabody.
- Yeah?

May I speak with you for a moment?

This is nuts. I can't... This is crazy.

♪ ♪

[WHISPERS] Danny, you
have to go with them.

[WHISPERS] No, I'm not one
of them. I'm not my dad.

No, you can go get help.

You can be undercover.

You mean like... Donnie Brasco?

No.

I mean like... Danny Brasco.

It's Donnie Brasco.

- Movie's called "Donnie Brasco."
- No. I know. I know.

I-I know the movie. I know the movie.

I'm saying that your name is Danny.

- Oh. Oh!
- Okay.

♪ ♪

Peabody!

Get this bracelet off of me.

I'm sick of standing
near all this filth.

Oh.

♪ ♪

Peabody has assured me
that you're one of us.

Martha, take the rest away.

♪ ♪

[WHISPERS] You're an embarrassment.

Excuse me?

That dog and pony show
you put on back there?

- Do you have any dignity?
- No, I don't.

What I do have is a belly full of steak.

That you ate off the ground.

- Oh, yeah, you're right.
- Yeah.

The ground did make it
taste less like steak.

Sike! It was delicious
and expertly marinated!

As long as I can live another day,

I'll do whatever it takes.

- You're such a little sh...
- Hey!

Into the pen, now!

Absolutely, Martha.

I can't wait to get in there.

By the way, this shade of
red on you is tremendous.

Did you hear me, Six Feet?

Call me that again.

Six...

Ha!

♪ ♪

No, no, no, no, no, no, no!

No. Karen, what did you do?

What does it look like?

I'm getting us the hell out of here.

[ALL CHEERING]

Oh, no, she's gonna shock us so bad

when she wakes up.

Not without this.

♪ ♪

Oh, nice!

[LAUGHS]

Freedom!

Hyah! Hyah!

♪ ♪

That was also how she opened the pen.

- Come on, man!
- You piece of sh*t!

What the hell is wrong with you, man?!

I'm sorry I don't know how
to operate a human cage!

How are we supposed to
get out of here now?

This looks networked.

If we could somehow
find the control hub,

maybe we can open it manually.

Pack, that creepy-ass hidden room.

There was a computer and sh*t in there.

Show me where it is.

Oh, yeah, yeah. No problem.

So, basically, we're here, right, Karen?

And you're gonna walk up
past Martha, go down...

Pack, go with her, obviously!

Okay, I'll go!

She'll be trouble when she comes to.

Drag that old bag of bones over here.

We'll deal with her.

What?

♪ ♪

I'm so not cut out for
this "Die Hard" business.

You're not cut out for
a cupcake business.

How have you lived this long?

Because I know how to
play the game, Karen.

This is no different than an agency.

Okay, keep your head low,

pretend everything is legal,

and at the last moment,

you s*ab your boss in the back and ta...

- Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh!
- What is it? What?

- Shut up.
- Okay, okay, okay.

- Shh.
- Got it.

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

♪ ♪

What are you doing?

Oh, I see what you're doing.

You're gonna throw a
rock and distract him.

He's gonna be like, "What's that?"

And then we're gonna
sneak right behind him

like two little mice.

♪ ♪

Holy sh*t! What if you missed?

I never miss.

That can't be true.

Also, how often are you throwing rocks?

I think he's dead.

♪ ♪

Danny boy, what year can I pour ya?

Uh, whichever gets me the drunkest?

[LAUGHTER]

DECLAN: I have a question
for you, Daniel.

If you're so wealthy, why
were you flying commercial?

Surely you could've flown private.

Unless, of course, you don't
care about appearances.

Um, uh, I...

♪ ♪

Actually, I was thinking of
acquiring Lotus Airlines.

Call me old-fashioned,

but I like to taste the
milk before I buy the cow.

[CHUCKLES]

They can kiss that deal goodbye.

No, I'm still going to acquire them.

So I can bankrupt them.

You try to k*ll me, I destroy you.

[LAUGHTER]

Well, how would you do it?

I would personally fire
each and every one of them.

[LAUGHS]

- Face-to-face?
- Face-to-face.

The VPs, the pilots, the
lowly baggage handlers.

Oh, that guy was just
doing his job. [LAUGHS]

I don't care. I'm gonna put
them all on the streets!

Hell yeah, you will! God damn!

DECLAN: You've forgotten
one little detail.

You'll pay a pretty penny for
those severance packages.

Ah.

I don't care.

I won't pay.

But they'll take you to court.

The legal fees alone...

I don't care.

I will do whatever it takes

to show them that I am a man!

A rich and powerful man
that won't be stepped on!

Yeah!

I'm sick of being stepped on!

All these harassment
lawsuits?! They're bullshit!

It's a slap on the d*ck is what it is!

Yeah, right in the d*ck!

Yeah! We are men with money!

- Yeah!
- Whoo!

- Yeah!
- Whoo!

We do what we want!

♪ Life is funny ♪

♪ Skies are sunny ♪

♪ Bees make honey ♪

♪ Who needs money? ♪

♪ Monopoly ♪

Hold steady. Here she comes.

[ALL GASP]

What the...

Let me go!

Hold the line, boys!

It's just me, dude!

Hold the line!

[BOTH GRUNTING]

Aah!

Oh, no! That's not good!

♪ ♪

Help! She's got me!

- Oh!
- Okay!

[ALL SCREAMING]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

[LAUGHS]

[ALL SCREAMING]

♪ ♪

What is this place?!

All right, I'll stand guard

while you hack into the computer.

What? I don't know
anything about computers.

Would you rather fight off
anyone who comes to k*ll us?

Computers. I've always loved them.

Let me just get in here
and start some hacking.

Adjust the seat.

Okay.

- _
- Oh, okay.

This is very user-friendly.

It's like an iPad.

You can see the whole place from here.

And it's powered by the river.

You know, not enough rich people

take the time to invest in green energy.

- Pack, open the pen!
- Oh, yeah.

Hey, we're gonna get out of here.

I promise, okay?

Karen and Pack are up there

and they are definitely gonna...

Holy sh*t. It's a miracle.

I never thought they'd pull it off.

This is the time to go!

- Pull!
- And she's all like,

"I'm LGBT," whatever.

And I said, "Lady, the
only letters I care about

are B-L-T, so you make me a
damn sandwich." [LAUGHS]

MARTHA: They've escaped.

Half Pint and Six
Feet... they got loose.

Well, shock them.

I lost the controller.

This is very disappointing.

The pen is empty.

That means they got
into the control room.

I will catch them!

It appears that this year's
hunt has begun early.

♪ ♪

Well, what are we waiting for?

Let's go catch those animals.

You read my mind.

Let's go.

[LAUGHTER]

Everybody, get your g*ns!

Yeah, let's sh**t some people!

♪ ♪

How are we gonna find the others?

If they were smart, they
headed for that helicopter.

Holy sh*t. We're really doing this.

♪ ♪

So back this way, right?

No, we fight.

I'll go for her eyes, you aim for the...

Good luck!

- God damn...
- Aah!

I had my doubts about you, Daniel.

After all that time you'd
spend with the poors,

I thought you might have
developed feelings for them.

But now I see that I was wrong.

You are one of us.

What can I say?

You never forget who you truly are.

Indeed.

OWEN: We got to keep moving. Let's go.

- We got to keep going.
- That way!

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

You bitch!

Ah! [COUGHS]

Looks like you will be the
first to die, Six Feet.

She's ' "! Aah!

[BOTH BREATHING HEAVILY]

[g*n COCKS]

Shame, Half Pint.

Here I was thinking you
were a good little doggie.

♪ ♪

A-ha!

This whirlybird's our ticket home.

- Come on!
- Wait, wait.

You can fly a helicopter?

No, but I think we all know who can.

No, I can't.

But you're a flight attendant.
You work with pilots.

That doesn't mean that I learned to fly.

Great. So you don't pay attention

doing your cockpit duties,

and we all pay the price!

Nice one, dickhead!

[CLEARS THROAT]

♪ ♪

I'm afraid the fun's all over.

[CLEARS THROAT]

No, I think the fun's just begun.

[ALL CHEERING]

Yeah!

Daniel, what do you think you're doing?

Are you thick, Declan?

I was undercover.

Whoa! Not so fast, you
rich piece of sh*t.

Unless you want a b*llet in your top %.

That is a great line.

- Thanks. I thought of it earlier.
- Still.

Daniel, I think you'll find it
awfully hard to sh**t me...

No, I won't. 'Cause you suck.

You interrupted me. Daniel,
I think you'll find it

awfully hard to sh**t me
because you don't have...

The guts? Oh, I got the guts...

b*ll*ts!

You don't have b*ll*ts in your g...

Jesus Christ, would you let
me finish a sentence?!

Oh, no.

I never believed you were one of us.

♪ ♪

I say we bag these bucks right now.

But Declan wants them
alive for the hunt.

Oh, it's always Declan, Declan, Declan.

You got to grow you
some hairier balls, man!

- Oh.
- Come on!

Oh, God. This is it.

- You're mad and I...
- I ain't mad.

We're gonna k*ll them anyway.

Please!

Please don't k*ll me!

I'm just a scared old lady!

Don't make me the first to die, please!

Oh, forget it. I don't want
to get tears on my boots.

PEABODY: Yikes.

Besides, I can't k*ll Half Pint yet.

That bark is too funny.

Come on, give it to me, little guy.

[YIPPING]

[LAUGHTER]

Hey, you too, Six Feet. Bark for mercy.

♪ ♪

Woof!

- Woof, woof!
- [LAUGHTER]

That's an old dog. That is an old dog.

All right. Let's get these
doggies back to their kennel.

- Yeah.
- Whoo.

DECLAN: Welcome back.

Now, just to dissuade you

from doing anything like that again...

Martha?

- [ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]
- [ALL SCREAMING]

♪ ♪

Jess?

Hey, what the hell?!

Stop it!

Jess!

Hmm. Must be a short circuit.

Jess!

[THUDS]

What did you do? Jess?

Jess? Baby?

Hey, Jess?

Jess?