03x06 - Hunt Day

[bunniefuu]

Previously on "Wrecked"...

So, what are you gonna do?
Are you just gonna k*ll us?

No, I'm going to break you and watch
you hunt each other to the death.

We hunt the winner.

You don't think anyone's gonna
turn on each other, do you?

Not as long as the Dream
Team stays strong.

How could you hunt us?

I'll do anything to get back
to Anthony and the girls.

You have a family?!

You know what? I thought
you were a good guy.

But the real Owen is
a friggin' dirtbag.

Maybe you shouldn't be with any Owen.

TODD: Pack is using Jess' soupy brain

to trick her into having
feelings for him.

We're no one to each other.

STEVE: Screw you people.
Every man for himself.

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

[ALARM CLOCK BLARES, SHUTS OFF]

[INHALES SHARPLY]

It's Hunt Day!

["MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL"
THEME SONG PLAYS]

♪

- [LAUGHTER]
- That is too funny.

ALL: Ooh!

Gentlemen, a toast to the
greatest Hunt ever assembled.

To The Hunt!

- [CHUCKLES] Cheers!
- Yeah. Cheers!

Martha.

[FEEDBACK]

MARTHA: Welcome... to The Hunt.

Shall we begin?

DECLAN: Hello, my beasts.

Let's talk about the rules of The Hunt.

The game is simple...

Be the last one standing and you live.

We let you go free.

But there are a few guidelines.

First, every year, an odd player or two

tries to att*ck us or
knock out the power.

Don't do that.

[PANTING]

We've set up pylons

around all key areas,

and if you cross them...

[ELECTRICITY CRACKLES]

we'll k*ll you.

[GIGGLES, CLAPS]

Right, so, uh, second...

In case you were planning
on avoiding the fray

and hiding like a
piss-stained, little coward,

someone must die every six hours.

If not, we will randomly
select someone...

- [BEEPS, expl*si*n]
- [SCREAMS]

and do it ourselves.

And one last thing...

We will be watching and
listening to your every move.

So do try to be entertaining.

Right, so, uh, on the
buzzer, we will begin.

I'll give you a moment to say goodbyes.

Good luck!

And remember... have fun out there.

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

Hey, Pack, I'm a nice guy,

so I'ma let you choose which w*apon

you want me to b*at you to death with!

[WHIMPERS] Oh, God.

I can't believe this
is actually happening.

Listen, I care deeply about all of you,

so I'm going to give everyone
a -second head start.

Then... and only then...
Will I begin to m*rder.

- It seems only fair.
- Fair?!

Fair would be telling
someone you're married

so that they don't stick
their big penis inside you!

Is that a bat with nails in it?

Did you say bat? Oh, that's
a great choice, bud.

I played four years on my
prep school's J.V. team...

Scottsdale Stangs.

Let's go, Stangs!

Let's hit a dinger! Boom!

Leave him alone, you old creep.

You're like the same age as me.

Guys, can we focus, please,

namely on how we're gonna get out
of this "Hunger Games" knock-off?

Why don't you do what you do best

and focus on yourself, okay?

I'm surprised you've
seen "Hunger Games,"

- living in a car!
- It's a van!

Can you fit a refrigerator in a car?

- I don't know. Can you?
- No!

You know what?

- I just want to say you're welcome...
- [HEARTBEAT]

for all the public-library books

you b*rned for heat in a trash fire!

[HORN BLARES]

♪

[PACK SCREAMS]

Pack, wait!

, ...

Stuff you, Karen! I'll
give you seconds

to apologize to me for your infidelity!

, ...

It wasn't infidelity. , ...

Of course it was!

- , ...
- ...

- Are you listening? ...
- , ...

- !
- ... Hurry up!

"Van" Diesel, while you were
blabbering on about your domicile,

we missed our opportunity
to come up with a strategy!

OWEN: [MUFFLED] Well, I'd
welcome death right now

if it meant I could
just have a brief break

from your shriek of a voice!

[CLEARLY] You sound like a small baby.

Babies are already small, you idiot.

[CHAINSAW REVVING]

What is he doing? Hey,
Danny, what are you doing?

[ALL SCREAMING]

Hmm.

It's just like most of these
guys just kind of ran away.

- [COUNTING INDISTINCTLY]
- Yeah, and these two Rain Mans

are just counting at each other.

Yeah, Declan, this ain't
exactly a barn burner.

Usually we got four or
five deaths by now.

- Patience, please, gentlemen.
- [COUNTING CONTINUES]

This is merely the first act.

Yeah, well, the first act is
supposed to grab you, you know?

You still doing that
screenwriting course?

I am.

Okay, what do we got here?

Ah, this is the go.

[METAL CLANGS]

That's gone. ... ...

Ah, this is cool.

- Indiana Jones.
- [WHIP CRACKS]

Ah, if only it came with a hat. Aah!

[GROANS]

Aha! Steve's got a stickie!

You apologize to me now,

and I'll make it a quick death!

Steve, I am sorry.

[EXHALES SHARPLY]

Finally. Thank you.

About your ball sack.

Ohh! Ugh! Oh, my... my big penis.

♪

Over there.

Inside, quick!

Into a m*rder warehouse?!
Do you have a death wish?

We should climb on some meat
hooks while we're at it.

[GASPS]

Inside, quick!

♪

♪

[CHAINSAW WHIRRING]

♪

[COUGHING]

Oh, God.

[WHISPERING] Go find your own spot.

There's like a hundred
places to hide in here.

- [WHISPERING] I don't care.
- I was here first.

- I don't care.
- This is my crate.

- Deal with it.
- [GROANS]

[INDISTINCT ARGUING]

Oh, my God, fine.

♪

Holy sh*t. He is really
good with those things.

Why is he doing this? He loves us.

DANNY: I do love you, Flo.

That's why you give me no choice.

Either you two make up right now...

or I ninja-star to death.

Danny, what is this, some kind
of bullshit "Parent Trap"?

Pretty much.

How are you so good with those things?!

'Cause I'm a rich child of divorce

and went to a lot of Samurai camps.

Is that even a thing?

When you're rich, everything's a thing!

I can't believe your
friend is doing this.

My friend? [SCOFFS] He
is your friend, too.

You encourage him with all
of your action-movie talk.

Well, excuse me

for trying to encourage a little
creativity. It is good for him.

Oh, everyone knows he's
a big, old Owen's boy.

Oh, my God.

Why am I hearing fighting

when I should be hearing apologizing?!

Okay, you know what? This is insane.

Someone needs to be the adult.

Danny! I'm coming up! We're gonna talk!

Hey, whoa. Hey. Hey. All
right, now, listen, buddy.

Now, I know that it can be difficult

when your friends separate,

but you got to trust me that this
is what is best for everyone.

Hey, Danny.

Hey, put the throwing star down, bud.

Hey! Buddy, did you hear what I said?

Knock it off! Hey, D...

You are about to be in big trouble!

[SCREAMING] He hit me!

Oh, my God! He actually hit me!

- Is this bad? Is this bad?
- Uh-huh. Oh, yeah.

Does it look gross? Uh-huh.

- [GROANS]
- That's it!

Daniel! You have crossed a line!

♪

Uh-huh.

What the sh*t?!

- "Scarlet Letter"!
- [GRUNTS]

- Hester Prynne!
- [GRUNTS]

[SHOUTS]

- Save your breath, Steve!
- Why?

So you won't have to hear the
truth about who you really are?!

No! You should literally
save your breath!

Aah!

It takes oxygen to thrust!

Oh, I am done thrusting with you!

♪

- Ah!
- Ow!

[GRUNTS]

Look, I get it.

- [MEAT FORK THUDS]
- You've got feelings for me.

What?! How could I after
what you did to Anthony?

Well, if you don't
have feelings for me,

then what the hell is this all about?

[GRUNTS]

[INDISTINCT ARGUING]

Wait. Which one of
these guys is Anthony?

No, no, no. Anthony's
her husband back home.

Ohh, and Awesome Blossom

didn't know about him
before they banged?

- No.
- Shh.

Jesus, Errol,

you get off your g*dd*mn
phone for seconds,

you might be able to
follow some of this.

Shut up!

Ready? To have a w*apon that
I've only seen in the movies

pulled from my chest? Sure.

[INHALES SHARPLY]

Three, two...

[GROANS] Son of a...

Danny, we do not have time for this!

If you have time to break up,

then you have time to make up!

Just ask The Stylistics.

- Who?
- The Stylistics.

He loves ' s music.

I don't expect you to know that

because you never spend
any time with him.

Danny, I need you to
listen to me, okay, bud?

- Us fighting is not your fault.
- Yeah. No sh*t.

Danny, can we just get up, please?

- We are in actual danger here.
- Sure!

You can come out, as
long as you two admit

that you still have
feelings for each other.

♪

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

I won't let you hurt Anthony!

[a* WHIPPING]

My husband has nothing to do with us!

- Why do you even care?!
- [DART THUDS]

Don't you get it?!

I was Anthony!

My wife cheated on me!

And she ruined my life!

What?

You never told me that.

Well, it's true.

It's the whole reason I
got on that stupid plane

in the first place... to start over.

And look where that got me.

♪

So, this...

This... is for Anthony.

♪

[a* THUDS]

Oh, sh*t.

[DART THUDS]

Aah! Aah! Ow!

What the [BLEEP]

♪

FLO: Danny, we want to
show you something.

Florence and I have talked it over,

and we've decided...
to get back together.

- [SOFT MUSIC PLAYS]
- Really?

Yeah. We did.

Um, Florence actually apologized to me.

She said that she realizes
that she has been a huge bitch

and she feels really,
really terrible about it.

Owen apologized, too,

for being a giant assh*le
who doesn't pay taxes...

You know, the taxes that pay for
the road his house is parked on.

Owen, you said that?

Yes, I did.

I just really love her.

- That's nice.
- Ow.

That's really nice.

But I'm gonna need you to prove it.

Oh, we're already holding hands!
What more do you want?!

I want you to dance.

Oh, for [BLEEP] sake.

I want you to slow-dance together.

Show me that you care with your bodies!

Danny, there's not even any...
any music playing, man.

You can't dance to nothing.

♪

[HUMS THE STYLISTICS'
"BREAK UP TO MAKE UP"]

♪

[GRUNTING]

I'm sorry you were cheated
on, but this is different.

- Give me a break.
- [GRUNTS] Ohh!

[PANTING]

What I'm trying to say is,

Ant and I have an understanding.

So he'd understand just
a random stud like me

ramming his wife?

- Hunh!
- [GROANS]

Yes!

- We have an open marriage.
- Come on.

Those only exist in fairy tales.

Anthony is my fairy tale.

He told me as long as my
extramarital activity

is purely sexual, it's not infidelity.

Really?

[HUMMING CONTINUES]

You're so handsome, Owen.

Mm. You're also very handsome.

[NO AUDIO]

That's it. Feel the magic.

Florence...

why don't you touch Owen's cool butt?

What?

[SIGHS]

One time I told him I thought
you had a cool butt.

- [BOTH CHUCKLE]
- Okay.

How did that conversation happen?

[CHUCKLES]

[THE STYLISTICS' "BREAK
UP TO MAKE UP" PLAYS]

So he wouldn't mind
if he knew about us?

Nope.

He understands that I have
a massive sexual appetite,

and he just wants me to be happy.

♪ Break up to make up ♪

♪ That's all we do ♪

[BOTH GRUNTING]

Well, this is a first.

- ♪ Break up to make up ♪
- Wait! Are we safe here?

- ♪ That's all we do ♪
- Follow me.

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ First you love me ♪

♪ Then you hate me ♪

♪ That's a game for fools ♪

♪ Wake up to make up ♪

♪ That's all... ♪

That was really lovely, guys.

You...

Bring it in.

Come on.

- Yay
- Aww.

- Dream Team.
- Flo.

- Now!
- Wh... Oh, no!

- What are you doing?!
- Danny, it's for your own good!

You might not get this now,
but we're your friends,

- and we know what's best for you.
- You were faking?

Then what was that whole
slow dance about?

Danny, you made us dance.

We're in the middle of a human hunt.

There is danger around every corner.

I'm gonna snap that d*ck
right off your body!

- Yeah?!
- Huh?

- STEVE: Ohh! Oh! Why!
- [CLATTERING]

[WHISPERING] They sound like
they're k*lling each other.

Ohh, yeah!

- Here come the train, bitch!
- All aboard!

[WHISPERING] I don't
think they're fighting.

- Choo-choo!
- Next stop, heaven!

- Ohh, yeah! Thrust!
- Ahh!

[KAREN AND STEVE MOANING]

- God, that's dirty.
- Ohh, you like that?

STEVE: Look at it.
Look how dirty it is.

[WHISPERING] Should we
tell them that we're here?

[WHISPERING] I don't know.
It's been a really long time.

I feel like it would be
weird at this point.

I think we should just let them finish.

- Unh! Dirty!
- Mop this up, you bitch!

- [LAUGHS]
- Ahh!

KAREN: You dirty piece of sh*t!

- [BOTH MOANING]
- [WHISPERING] Guys, I'm sorry.

- I just...
- Oh, yeah!

I thought if you two got back together

that I could save the Dream Team

and then we could save the others.

- No, it's out. It fell out.
- There's no use surviving

if the Dream Team falls apart.

- Ooh, it's in.
- Yeah, there it is.

- Oh, no. No, it's out again.
- Okay.

STEVE: Should we leave it out?
Is that better?

Hey, listen, bud,

even if Flo and I are not together,

it doesn't mean that we don't
still care about each other.

[MOANING CONTINUES]

No matter what happens,

we will always be the Dream Team.

- All the way in.
- I promise.

- I'm caught. I'm caught.
- Okay?

- Ah! What are you doing?!
- [SNIFFLES]

[CLEARS THROAT] Excuse me.

♪

He and Deborah are going
through a rough patch.

- Oh.
- Yeah.

[MOANING CONTINUES]

STEVE: Ooh, ooh, I'm gonna nut!
Ooh, ooh, I'm nutting!

[THUD]

[CLATTERS]

Someone's here.

What?!

Whoever's here, reveal yourself.

[WHIMPERS]

♪

It's us. It's just us.

[ALL WHOAING]

- Oh, shh. No, what...
- Watch the sharp movements.

- Let's... Whoa. Come on.
- It's... Oh.

[ALL SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]

- Lis... Listen, listen!
- [EXHALES SLOWLY]

Okay, calm... Hey,
hey, hey, hey, listen.

We just got here. We
didn't hear anything.

- What is this, an ambush?
- No. We didn't see any bush.

Why are you still wearing socks?

My feet get cold. Don't look at me!

♪

Run!

Where the hell are my pants?!

No time. After them.

How the [BLEEP] did they get up there?

We should split up. She
can't track us all at once.

- Okay.
- Wait!

Who do I go with?

What? Either of us.

Don't make me choose.

♪

Is she behind us?

Yeah! Is she gaining on us?!

[SCREAMING]

[PANTING]

Okay, now, just listen, girl.

- Aah!
- [GRUNTS]

- Holy...
- [GRUNTS]

- Huh?
- [GRUNTS]

What the hell?!

- Danny!
- What the hell?!

- Punch her!
- What the hell?!

[GRUNTS] Huh?

- [BONE CRACKS]
- Aah!

Holy sh*t!

[GRUNTS]

- This is how you hit a girl!
- [GRUNTS]

Ow! My good titty!

- Ha ha.
- [SHOUTS]

Ah. That's how you hit a girl.

Oh, I hate that I just said.

Oh, my God. That sounded so bad.

Run.

Come on, Karen. You've
had two -pound babies.

This pain is nothing.

Oh, hey.

Turns out my pants were in the rafters.

And I found this a*.

- Your pants are on backwards.
- What?

[SIGHS] Why does this keep happening?

♪

Well, well, well.

You got nowhere to run
now, you perverts.

Karen, please.

It's nothing personal.

Here we go.

Wait! There's something
I need to tell you.

- Declan told me that...
- [ALL GASP]

♪

No! No, no, no! Not Steve!

Ohh!

W-Wait. Who was it?!
Who... Who sh*t him?!

Holy sh*t.

We don't have a g*dd*mn
camera on this?!

Wait. So, it's a cliffhanger?!

A cliffhanger?! Are you kidding me?!

How?! What?!

- [SCREAMS]
- God damn it!