02x10 - Lost In Trans-Lation

[bunniefuu]

From what I hear
this "Valleys" project is brilliant.

And I know that your lead exec,
Jason Turner just got fired,

but that doesn't mean
that the project is dead.

Aw, oh, thanks.

No, it just means it's on life support.

Right, um...

Usually how this works is if

you have a headshot in
your car or something,

I'll take it and give
it to my casting people.

But, if you could just
show me to my table.

- Oh, of course.
- But I'd appreciate the...

Right away, sir.

...you know, positive feedback.

Follow me.

I'm not even hungry.

What am I supposed to do?

My show is on life support.

Wait, you heard it's on life support?

- That's great news.
- I heard it from the Maître D'.

Don't take it as the gospel.

Yeah, but they're very plugged in.

Yeah, apparently, more
plugged in than you are.

Hey, I have a meeting with Rachel today.

She didn't get the a*.

So, we'll see where we
stand with her new boss.

How does your sister do this to me?

How does having sex with
both my TV executives help me?

Well, Pfeiffer's
actually very good at sex.

So, I'm honestly
surprised it didn't work.

Sorry.

Hey, Coco and Baxter Levy, huh?

What now? I haven't heard.

Showing up at every bar,

club and underground party.

- [sighs]
- Oh, and apparently,

they were caught having
sex in a booth at Norms.

Norms?

The one on Venice Boulevard
or the one on La Cienega?

- Sorry?
- Ah, it doesn't matter.

I don't go there anymore.
Those two are out of control.

Baxter Levy, what a
frickin' moron that guy is.

And Coco, of all people.

I thought her and I
were on the same page!

You were at the meeting.

You know what? It's gonna be okay.

George, just go relax and
have fun in Costa Rica.

I'm not going to Costa Rica.

- What? Why?
- Because Lori and I

mutually agreed to go
our own separate ways.

George, you don't mutually
break-up with a billionaire.

Yeah, that's right, she left me.

But, you know, I didn't stop her.

Ohh...

[whispers] Here, I got that for you.

- Thanks.
- You're welcome.

- Yeah.
- I've got other looks, too.

Okay, the three branches are

Executive, Legislative and Judicial?

Excellent! Manolo, you're
gonna ace this GED test.

Well, it helps having
the smartest teacher ever.

[laughing]

Chandra and I used to laugh like that,

but not anymore 'cause she's
marrying another man, dammit.

Come on, Maronzio, you
still moping around that?

Listen, like my grandmother used to say.

This is in Spanish.

Cuando cierran unas
piernas otras abriren.

Means, when one pair of legs
closes, another pair opens up.

All right, you need to get over it.

It's no good, George.

I'm never gonna find
anyone as good as Chandra.

Look at her. Look at this angel.

Oh, yeah, she's beautiful, damn.

You had some of that?

What, did you use to
be rich or something?

- No.
- Maybe her mom, like, made her clothes?

Didn't make 'em good
and kids made fun of her.

Or maybe she just got teased
for being fine at a young age?

Or maybe she's got that thing
where she thinks she's fat

- but she's skinny.
- Body dysmorphia.

Maronzio probably has
that but the opposite.

That's probably why he
thought he could do better.

- That's true.
- What are you packin' down there?

Y'all don't understand,
we had something beautiful.

- And now it's gone.
- Oh, yeah, it's gone.

'Cause you are never gonna
get something like that.

- Uh, never. Mmm-mmm-mmm.
- She be, like, whoa.

So, I should just give up?

Get used to having
nobody, having nothing?

No! You can't give up!

I usually don't disagree with George,

but in matters of the heart,

sometimes I think he could
be a little shortsighted.

This spoken by a blind man.

Sweetheart, if you saw
the picture, though.

Bro, you need to try to get her back.

It may only be one out of chance,

but still, that's one percent.

Don't go bragging about
that, that's a easy one.

And then if we're talking probabilities,

she's either gonna say yes or no.

So, you still got a % chance.

Isn't that right, Teach?

Well, technically...

You're right, Manolo, I'm not giving up.

What'd you get that boy all riled up for?

You know that fine bitch is
just gonna curb him again.

[Rachel on phone] Yes, of
course. Of course, yeah.

Come in.

Okay, gotta go.

[hangs up phone]

So, what is going on with "Valleys"?

You're still gonna fight for it, right?

Hey, the only thing I'm
fighting for is my job.

I got a new boss, Greg Shupp.

Wasn't that guy fired
from Comedy Central?

Oh, and then fired as the VP
of Original Programming at Xbox?

That's him.

Get me a meeting.

Fine.

By the way, keep Pfeiffer away from me.

You got it.

Has she been asking about me?

No, screw it. Keep her away from me.

Hey, I'm trying to keep
her away from me, too.

She keeps calling but I am not answering.

Good, 'cause she's poison.

No kidding.

Sweet poison... Like antifreeze.

Hmm?

It's a plot point from a
show I developed last season.

Oh, I know, I read it.

Very compelling.

You did a great job with the Lopez Grill.

Now, let's see if you can
move other product, okay?

All right, okay.

[soundstage bell rings]

[woman] Okay, people,
we're going in five,

four, three...

Hey, what's up? I'm
here... Hey, what's up?

Today, I'm here to tell
you about the Burger Dogger.

It's for people who like their hamburgers

shaped like a hot dog.

Mmm, I could sure go for
one of those right now.

Um, imagine how much you can save

if you didn't have to
go out and buy a burger.

- Hector...
- Or a dog.

Hector, do the CTA.

Call to Action.

So, call now

and you can start Burger
Doggering... right away.

Okay, that thing isn't moving.

And it's not the product.
Janelle sold , in an hour.

We need a new plan.

The network brought in
a new guy, Greg Shupp.

So, let's see where we stand with him.

Wait a minute, what are
you so worried about?

Thought you said he
was a big fan of mine.

That's just something you say.

All right, check out the
signature on the bottom.

That makes it worth $ , more.

I mean, I almost felt
stupid for buying it.

No, come on, it's not
stupid, Olly, it's not stupid.

Right? My business
manager was so mad at me.

But collectible footwear
is a solid investment.

Anyway, you guys aren't
here to look at my sneakers.

Oh, but we're so glad we did.

- Absolutely, it's a fascinating world.
- Yeah.

[Olly] Actually, we did wanna
talk to you about "Valleys."

And just see if you're
happy with the script or...

Yeah, I love it, it's perfect.

Okay, because if you
had any notes, any notes.

We could tweak it.

No, no, I wouldn't change a thing.

- You hear that, Olly?
- Mm-hmm.

That's insane, no notes, wow.

- [chuckling]
- Okay, okay.

I'm following your eyes...

to my old school Reeboks.

Yeah, there is quite a story
behind these kicks, right?

Everybody was all Air
Jordans at the time.

And don't get me wrong,
those were game changers.

- You see the red stitching?
- Yeah.

Oh, my God, that was a disaster.

What are you talking about?
He was smiling the whole time.

Mostly when he was talking
about his shoe collection,

but when he was talking about
"Valleys" too, he was smiling.

Nobody smiles when they're
about to greenlight a show.

They're way too terrified.

What are you talking about?

Didn't you hear him? No notes!

No notes! That's the kiss of death.

What? No notes is the kiss of death?

All these guys, they want their

fingerprints all over everything.

So, no notes either means
he didn't read the script,

or he doesn't give a
damn about the script.

Probably both.

That dork.

So, what do we do now? Are we screwed?

Not yet.

He only wants to k*ll
"Valleys" because if it works,

it doesn't do him any good.

He doesn't get the credit for it.

But he has to have a
good reason to k*ll it,

otherwise he looks like a r*cist.

Or because we have Coco, transphobic.

So, we just gotta make sure

we don't give him that reason, okay?

No drama, no budget issues, no nothing.

All right, take it easy, you
look a little overwhelmed.

- [sighs]
- Oh, look, shoes.

Oh, yeah, you looking for the dipshit?

Third door on the left.

I know what we have to do.

We have to keep the ball rolling.

I'm gonna get the network
to commit to a table reading.

Yeah, I think that's perfect.

Because once they hear
it, they're gonna love it,

and they'll be hooked.

- Uh-oh, here comes trouble.
- What do you mean?

Legal and Human Resources never
show up to pat you on the back

and tell you everything's going great.

- Hi.
- George...

Camilla, from Human Resources.

Hey, what's happening,
Camilla from Human Resources?

That sounds like you
harvest organs on the side.

[laughs]

That joke's okay, right?

Legal will allow it.

So, we have an issue.

Coco has missed several
publicity sessions.

As well as her medical exam.

Oh, I think it's kind of early
in the whole thing, right?

All this stuff can be
rescheduled, right, Olly?

- Absolutely.
- Yeah.

There are also rumors of
possible drug use and abuse.

Legal has to make sure if
Coco is a reasonable risk

to even consider production.

You've seen the stories.

Someone needs to talk to
Coco and get her in line.

Mm-hmm, I agree.

And that someone needs to be you.

Okay, come on, why do
I have to talk to Coco?

Well, Coco trusts you.
Coco sees you as a friend.

And the studio is not fully indemnified.

If anyone from the network
broached these issues,

we'd be vulnerable to a lawsuit.

I mean, seriously, now you
got me talking to everybody.

I didn't wanna talk to anybody!

So, if you prefer, we
can just cancel the show.

No, we don't have to do that.
We'll have a conversation.

Everything okay?

- I heard there's a problem.
- Well, apparently...

No-no, no-no, apparently,
we're all on the same page.

It's rare that that happens,
but it feels good, doesn't it?

Yeah, So you don't need to
worry about anything, Greg.

Just worry about that shoe collection

and building it and
keeping it bright and white.

[chuckling] Ah-ha-ha...

You don't worry about my sneakers.

You worry about this show.

How'd you hear about this place?

I did a great review for them on Holla.

So, I'm sort of a celebrity
around here now, so...

Congratulations on your
well-earned success.

Well, congratulations on
you keeping your fine figure.

And, if I might say...

That behind can get
six stars, holler, okay?

- At the ass.
- You are stupid.

Maronzio, you know what?
Despite what I said earlier,

I really hope we can stay friends.

Of course, baby, we have history.

- Kids, someday grandkids.
- Watch your mouth.

But we'll always be
in each other's lives.

I wish you nothing but happiness.

Okay, good, I'm glad because...

- Dwayne thought you were gonna...
- Uh, no-no-no-no.

No, no more talk of Dwayne, all right?

You know what? My good man!

Some prestidigitation for the lady.

Uh!

Huh?! What?

[laughing]

I see why you won "America's Got Talent."

Come here, let me help you out.

Thank you, sir.

Oh, and would you mind checking
on the status of my paella?

You don't even know what that is.

- [line ringing]
- Oh, come on, Coco. Damn!

She's still not answering her phone.

I'm not even sure what
I'm gonna say to her.

This would be a lot easier over drinks.

What the hell is he wearing?

Tired of spending all that
time peeling a hard-boiled egg?

Well, problem solved. With the Eggs-It!

- All you have to...
- [clattering to floor]

Eggs-It? What the hell is that?

All you have to do is load
the device... All you...

[clatters to floor]

Baby, you're so lucky you can't see this.

And chop it...

[George] Yeah, listen, I know you
don't drink, man, but try this.

What happened, dude, you were k*lling it.

Now you can't sell nothing?

To be honest, I don't know, G.

I was doing great with your grills,

but then I got a cold streak.

Okay, I couldn't sell any
Sock It To Me's either.

Sock It To Me?

I think it helps you
pull your socks up...

faster or more accurately, I don't know.

Anyway, Lori lost faith in me.

She's not gonna use me anymore.

Damn, I'm sorry, Hector, that sucks.

Yeah, no, I wish I could
just sell your grills.

I mean, they actually do
char evenly, it's amazing.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

You know what? You lit up, you...

You could only sell
things that you believe in.

You're like me, that's the way I am.

You're right.

Hey, you think you can
talk to Lori for me?

Get me one more chance?

Uh, you know, uh, Lori and I broke up...

mutual, you know...

Really?! Whoo, she's a unicorn.

How you let that one get away?

Uh, mm, ahh...

Uh, mmm...

All right, fine,
listen, I'll talk to her.

You know, why not? I
talk to everybody else.

You didn't wait for me.

[man] GVN auditions, round seven.

[woman] There's got to be a better way.

[woman ] There's gotta be a better way.

[man] There's gotta, gotta,
gotta be a better way!

Oh, don't try to make it your own.

Hey...

- Hi.
- George? Hi.

- You got a second?
- We're not...

doing this, are we?

No, no, this isn't about us.

This is about, uh, Hector.

He wanted me to ask you
to give him another sh*t.

George, I've been doing this a long time,

and when a seller loses his confidence,

there's no coming back.

Yeah, but, I don't think that's the case.

I think, you know,
Hector's got this quirk

that he can only sell
things he believes in.

Well, this isn't the place for him then.

- I'm kidding, I'm kidding.
- Oh.

[both chuckle]

Uh, do you really think it's that?

Yeah, I mean, he's an earnest kid.

I think he's too young to be jaded.

All right. You talked me into it.

Oh, okay, thanks, I appreciate that.

Wow, look at us, huh?

Two adults having a civil,
post break-up conversation.

That's new territory for me.

- Not for me.
- Oh.

Uh, so how is your show going?

Oh, it's going... Uh, you know, not good.

You know, Coco's partying all the time.

She's missing appointments and putting,

like, the whole show in jeopardy.

Oh.

Well, there's no time
to put her in detox.

You know, I manufacture an
energy drink that we claim

has a lot of medicinal properties.

Now the FDA won't let us sell it anymore.

So, I could have them load a pallet of it

in the back of your car if you'd like.

Yeah, all right, I appreciate that.

And Hector too. That's nice, thanks.

- Oh, and George?
- Hmm?

In my experience, these kind of issues

are always about something else.

You just need to find out what.

I appreciate that. All right, thanks.

There you are.

You've been ignoring my calls all day.

Yeah, well, some people get the hint.

I don't wanna talk to you.
Is that woke enough for you?

What did I do?

It's not what you did.

It's who you did. And
the answer is everyone.

Now because of you,
"Valleys" might be dead.

Oh, come on.

No, you blew into town
like you always do.

I take care of you like an idiot.

And then you find some way
to mess things up for me.

Well, you're just blaming
me like you always do

for your sad, pathetic life.

It should be obvious by now,

but if it isn't, you're fired.

â(Trademark)ªâ(Trademark)ª

And give me back my shampoo!

Hey, Olly, it's George. Just checking in.

I'm out here looking for Coco.

If you hear anything new about "Valleys",

give me a call, all right?

Or text me, bye.

[music playing]

Hey, oh, uh, Miss?

George Lopez?

- Oh, uh, right, okay.
- [shutter clicks]

Oh, you're on the DL.

No... well, kind of.

I'm looking for a friend of mine, Coco.

Coco at the bar? Or Coco in the cage?

I'ma start at the bar.

She's over there, boo.

[shutter clicking rapidly]

Hey, there's my Coco.

Drinking... ah-hah.

- How did you find me?
- Well.

I looked up transgender
hangouts on Holla.

And this is the third one I've been to

and by far, the nicest one.

So, how'd you get stuck with this job?

Well, you know, the network
is deathly afraid of you.

So, they had a meeting and they chose me,

who's not that afraid of you.

I love it when the
network is afraid of me.

Yes, I know.

And it can be used to an advantage,

but I don't think in this case.

In this case, may I speak freely?

You're destroying a golden opportunity.

- What's going on with you?
- What's going on?

Well, Coco realized
that Coco had no interest

in being exploited like
some transgender sideshow.

Okay, Coco, listen,
nobody's exploiting you.

Listen, we had that meeting.

We agreed that we were
gonna do this together.

- I need you.
- What I need is another drink!

Come on.

Oh, don't look at me like that.

You have no idea what
I go through every day.

You know what? I don't.

And I'm not even gonna pretend
that I do because I don't.

But, listen, I think I know
what's going on here, all right.

It's called self-sabotage.

And I know because I'm kind of an expert.

So, maybe you're afraid of
succeeding or afraid of failing.

But whatever the reason is,

you're looking for any
excuse to pack it in.

You're destroying
a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

It's not like TV is flooded
with transgender women.

- No.
- Everybody is going to be judging me.

I know, Coco, it's not
flooded with transgender women

or flooded with Latinos, okay?

And people judge, that's our world.

And everybody's got baggage.

But you gotta decide...

how much you can carry and...

you know, if you think
it's worth the trip.

You're very good with women, George.

I'm not, by the way.

Lori and I, we broke
up. Mutually agreed upon.

- No, she left me.
- So, that's it?

You're not gonna fight for her?

Fight for her and
then, what, we're happy?

Or we're not happy? See? Self-sabotage.

You know, I've been the man.

I've been the woman.

I've seen relationships from all sides.

They don't just work out.

You gotta make them work.

You're right.

Both of you are right.

You're right.

I think I'm gonna switch
over to coffee now.

Good, good.

[clears throat]

After I, uh, freshen up.

Yeah, you look like you've
been up for a little while.

So, uh, I couldn't help but overhear

you giving Coco some advice.

Can we talk... George?

Yeah, why not, bartender?

[deep voice] Bartender!

So, skinny-dip in the hot tub?

Maronzio, stop it.

I only agreed to go out
with you because we got kids.

But, when are you gonna
get it through your head?

I'm getting married.

Maybe you are, maybe you're not.

- No, I am.
- Maybe.

Uh, you know what, uh...

Okay, I tried to be nice.

But, clearly, that's not working.

This is the last time I'm gonna say this.

I do not love you anymore.

Good, that's the last time
I'm gonna talk about it.

Now, can we hit the hot tub?

[laughing] Oh, my God...

Okay, you win.

- Hot tub?
- Let's go to the hot tub.

Hot tub!

Are you gonna get a swimsuit?!

You don't need a swimsuit!

sh*t.

Okay, just remove the fourth stipulation

and then this should be fine.

And then I'll sign it
when we're done with it.

[knocking]

Uh, can you give us the room, Steven?

Yeah, thanks... Steven.

George, what are you doing here?

I already told you I'm
giving Hector his job back.

Yes, I know, thank you.

But I'm not here for Hector, okay?

I'm here... for you, Lori.

And I'm... I'm here
for me. Can I sit down?

- Yes, please.
- Okay, listen...

Lori, I... I'm a selfish person,
okay, I'm one-sided.

And you're selfish and one-sided.

But, I think that if we
try, we can make it work.

What does "make it work" even mean?

I don't know. Coco... said it.

And Coco knows because
Coco's been a man and a woman.

That's crazy, like, men are from
Mars and women are from Venus?

She's from, like, both planets.

She's from Barstow, I know all about her.

I just don't wanna be dragged
into some emotional quagmire.

I'm not trying to drag you...

Why can't we just have fun?

Why can't we just have sex?

Yeah... exactly, uh... That's what...

I mean, I got long-winded but
that was really what I was...

trying to say, baby.

I missed you.

I'm just gonna go lay down.

All right, I'll call you later on, Lori.

[phone ringer playing]

Hello?

George, great news.

Coco showed up for her medical.

Sober and on time.

Nice work.

Oh, man, Olly, that's great.

So, what does that mean?
"Valleys" is back on track?

Yup! Unless the table read tanks.

And it's tomorrow.

Tomorrow?

Tomorrow.

Hello?