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02x12 - Relevance

Posted: 12/22/21 07:11
by bunniefuu
You know, Manolo, my whole career,

nothing ever changes... one big circle.

All the people who are
supposed to believe in me,

supposed to be at my side of the table

all going against me.

I thought Olly was different.

She is different.

I never met anybody like her.

And she really cares
about you, jefe.

I think it's this business, man.

Just constant rejection and the line

between success and failure so thin

that it eats at you.

You matter until you end up doing

things that you thought would never do.

So are we moving to Brooklyn
or are you doing a**l?

Are you listening to
what I'm saying, fool?

I'm not gonna let them turn
"Valleys" into a shitty show.

I gotta use my success and end up

making the show that I want to make.


Hey, what's with the
cookies and the phone?

I eat when I'm nervous and I'm nervous

when I don't know if I passed my GED.

I don't know if I passed.

All right, listen to me. I'm positive

that you're gonna pass that test.

- Really?
- Definitely.

- That sounds good, jefe.
- You know what?

I'm gonna call Greg at ABC directly,

I'm gonna tell him I don't like

the direction of the show,

and I'm gonna demand a meeting.

I will commit every fiber
of my being to "Valleys."

I'll bring it in on budget,

travel around the world
to promote it if I have to,

but the one thing I don't want to do is,

I don't want to turn it
into a half-hour sitcom.

We hear you.

Now, let us think about it

and you think about it too.

There's a lot to take in.

Yeah. Uh, you know, with all due respect,

I'm not gonna budge on this,

so there's really nothing to think about.

There's always something to think about.

- We'll walk you out.
- Yeah.

Let it all sink in.

There's no need to be rash.

- Yeah. Oh, this way.
- Hey.

You know, it is amazing
just how few roles there are

for talented and
experienced Latino actors.

It's a crime, really.

You know, I don't think
I would feel right,

letting you just go away.


They had a room full of dudes
that looked like me, man.

They're trying to scare me.

- Did it work?
- Hell, yeah, it worked.

I think Edward James Olmos is in there.

- Man, he's so good.
- I know.

I'm gonna have to rethink this.

You know what? Take me down to GVN.

I think I'm gonna ask
Lori what she thinks.

If there's any questions about business,

I think she would know.

So, how's everything going with her?

Good. You know, casual.

- Are you sure?
- Yeah, of course. No.

I probably think if I was
gonna describe her in two words,

I'd probably describe her
as, like, good and casual.

No word on the GED yet?

No, and Maronzio still hasn't shown up.

He hasn't done any tweeting,
hollas, or anything.

No texts, either?

That's a long time for him to go

without complaining about something.

I know. I'm worried. He was really

broken up about Shandra. What do we do?

- Have you checked his hangouts?
- I have.

- You call Shandra?
- I did.

Should we put up some posters?

That's a human being,
fool. It's not a cat.

Hey, George, it's me again.

Listen, I know what it looked like,

because that is what
happened, but listen,

could you just call me back?
I just really want to help.

We're having chicken tortilla,

but until you adjust your attitude,

as Jerry Seinfeld said, no soup for you.

You can have some of my soup.

Jerry Seinfeld never said that, okay.

The soup n*zi said it to George.

And Pfeiffer, I don't really think

sharing you dumb soup is gonna make up

for you destroying my entire career.

What the hell is wrong with you?

As long as you're under my roof,

you will treat your sister with respect.

- Then I'm moving out.
- Me too.

What? Where?

I'm moving in with Jason.

ABC Jason?

Well, he's in between jobs right now.

- He's weighing his options.
- He got fired!

- He sounds like an excellent provider.
- Mm-hmm.

Can you hear?

We have been saved.

Now, Maronzio, Mike, and Ironhead

will testify by their humble example.

Let's hear it for our brothers!

[cheers and applause]

Yeah, I don't like what ABC
is trying to do with my show,

but I'm trying not to be
stupid or overemotional

- or self-sabotaging.
- Hmm.

Well, in my experience,

those are all good things to avoid.

What if I do the show the
way they want me to do it

- and I hate it?
- You do it yourself.

That's why I started this place.

Wait a minute. You put
your own money up for this?

Oh, no, no. You use other people's money.

You know, you should do
a Kickstarter campaign.

Is that where, like, the fans pay?

It works, and as the fans pile on,

you build awareness and excitement.

So your fans pay you to make "Valleys"?

It's this thing called
the Kickstarter, man.

It's great. And that's
how things get done.

And I talked to Coco. She's in.

[clears throat]

I heard the network
Reginald VelJohnsoned you.

What are you talking about?

The dad from "Family Matters."

The... The Urkel show.

Oh, that kid was comedy.

So the story goes, his contract was up

and he wanted a raise because
the show was such a h*t.

Well, the network agreed to bring him in,

but then, when he got
there, the waiting room

was full of African-American actors

who looked just like him.

I mean, they teach this
stuff in business schools.

Damn, that's what they
did to you, jefe.

Yeah, but it didn't work on me.

I know. That's why I'm here.

Is that why you're here?

Maybe you're here to undermine me

or try to get me to do
something I don't believe in.

No, I don't want to do any of that.

- I'm just here to help.
- How do I know I can trust you?

I don't know. Maybe you can't.

Or maybe I could prove to
you that I could just help.

Could I just please help, George?

I like the Kickstarter idea,

but that just gets your show made.

That's just half the battle.

I know, but once it's made

and I think the networks
see how good it is,

I think everybody will jump on it.

I wish that was how it worked,

but nobody in this town does anything

unless somebody else
wants to do it first.

Damn, that sounds horrible.

Yes. Unless you know how to play it,

and then it can be maybe kind of fun.

And I know how to play it.

I have never actually met
somebody when I get a scoop.

It feels weird. Why
don't you just send an IM?

Because this...

is the original hour-long version.

It's too hot to handle, my friend.

Too edgy, too dangerous.

If they knew I leaked this,

I could be sued into the Stone Age.

Okay. I'll get back to
you after I've read it.

No. Oh, you'll read it now.

It's too hot.

This copy's not leaving my sight.




You know what? We need to find a way

to get people to sign up
on my Kickstarter campaign.

Hey, yo, G, I bet you I
can get people to donate.

Watch this.

What's up, Abjackers?

Check out George Lopez'
Kickstarter campaign

on "Valleys"... Whoop! And donate!

Whoo! Like a case of ab-abbajacky.

All right. Thanks,
Hector. I appreciate that.


- Manolo!
- Wendy!

I've been waiting to hear from you.

Well, wait no longer. You passed!

- Really?
- Hell, yeah. You got a .

- You're valedictorian!
- Hey, let's celebrate.

- Let's have a drink.
- Hey, I can't be fired. I'm in.

Now we can be together.

That's why I came in person, baby.

Oh, well, if you need to use my room...

Hey, that's still my daughter's room.

[phone chimes]

Oh, what's that?

Everything okay, jefe?

Yeah, it's Coco. She's outside.

She says she has to talk to me.

Coco, come on in. What are you doing?

- You all right?
- Yes.

What's up?

So, um...

ABC just offered me my own show.

They're calling it "Loco for Coco."

What did ABC do? Order a pilot?

Actually, they picked up a full season.

George, I don't want to hurt
your Kickstarter campaign.

You were loyal to me and
I want to reassure you

that I'm going to be loyal to you.

Coco, I appreciate the loyalty.

I really do. I mean, that's something

that's rare in this business,

but that's something you gotta go and do.

All right? And know that
I'm your biggest fan,

and whatever night you're on,

- I'll be watching.
- George...

Fair warning. I'm going
to hug you right now.


Thank you.

Congratulations, Coco.

I'll tell you, losing Coco hurts,

but our casting directors
have already submitted

a list of other transgender actors.

You mean there's more than one?

- Wow.
- [phone tweets]

Wait a minute. It's
a tweet from Maronzio.

Damn, it's about time.

He says he's fine.

"I am at peace.

"I am not letting losing
the woman that I love

"tear my life apart

because I have found
the love of the Lord."

Drive Seekers!

They got him!


I know that parking lot.
It's right off Glen Oaks.

Between that carpet center
and the Jon's Market?

Yeah, right there where I met
those girls from Canoga Park.

Wow, he sure looks happy.

Exactly. Man, that can't be Maronzio.

- I've never seen him look like that.
- Mm-mm.

Oh, man. Bad traffic, huh?

There'd better be an accident up there.

I'm just kidding about the accident.

You want traffic to be bad for no reason.


Hey. Traffic's a mess, huh?

[horns honking]

I really gotta go, guys.

I've still got a long ways to go.

Wait a minute. What's going on?

Jesus was a carpenter,
so we built our crosses

and we follow his path
bearing those crosses

so we have a better understanding

- of his suffering.
- Okay. Uh...

Does this journey end
at Big Lots or Sizzler?

Look, man, you look exhausted.

You need to relax. Just take a breather.

Hey, hey, watch the paint!

So you weren't gonna do anything more

than just carry that cross, right?

I don't think so.

Okay. Maronzio, listen.

I think it's great that you've found

something that gives your life direction,

but, you know, you're
in a vulnerable place

with Shandra and everything.

Go slow, man. Maybe
go to church on Sunday.

If you like it, go Wednesday.

And then, kind of work your way up

to a crucifixion.

Look, I appreciate your concern,

but I really need to go or
Iron here's gonna b*at me.

Look, it's not a race
to salvation, Maronzio.

I know, but I still don't want
him to b*at me there first.

All right.

Oh, did I tell you

James Corden wants you
to do carpool karaoke?


No, he don't.

But listen, you saw how excited you got?

Let that into your heart, all right?

From what I understand,

God's love is unconditional.

You don't have to do any of this for it.

All I have to do is
let him into my heart.

Let him in your heart. You can do that

from the air-conditioned SUV.

Come on. Let's help you out.

You know, lift your burden.

I mean, that does sound reasonable,

but... will my cross fit?

A Tesla. This is major.

Everyone will know that
Tyler Ratzberg has made it.

Yeah. Hooray, Tyler Ratzberg.

Man, I mean, even with the tax breaks,

I never could have afforded this

without you having to unload it.

Now I can drive fast and everyone

will think I'm helping the environment.

Hey, man, take the key and shut up

or I'm calling CarMax.

When they're with you, it
all seems to make sense.

Like, they break it
down so simple and clear.

Now it seems crazy

and that cross is heavy.

Well, I suggest now you get back

to your true calling, okay?

Work on five tight minutes

so you can get on late night talk shows.

Kimmel or Fallon or somebody like that.

And while you're doing
that, here's a great idea.

You could help me with your hollas

'cause I got a Kickstarter campaign.

I'm trying to fund "Valleys" myself.

I can do that. Maybe I can start out

with a rant about the lack
of diversity in media, huh?

- Just to get the ball rolling.
- All right.

Keep an eye on that fool right there.

Jefe, there's gonna
be a graduation ceremony,

and because I'm valedictorian,

I need to give a speech.

Oh, man, that's awesome, dude.

Hey, listen, if you get nervous, Manolo,

picture everybody nak... No, don't,

'cause I kind of know
who's gonna be there

and we probably won't want to show up.

[phone chimes]

Hey, check this out.

My Kickstarter campaign is kicking ass.

Look at that. Coco posted,

Maronzio hollaed, and
Hector's Abjackers...

Look at that. They can't stop donating.

It's all coming together.

I'll go tell Lori.

You want me to drive you?

Oh, no. I'll drive myself.

While I'm gone, you should probably

just do something with this cross.

Maybe stash it behind the treadmill,

put some luggage over it, vacuum.

All right.

So, you were right. We raised the money

- to make "Valleys."
- Oh, George, that is great news.

- I am so happy for you.
- Thank you.

I got a little good news today myself.

I have closed funding on GVN London

and it is my first step into Europe.

Wow, that's... Ah, that's great.

- Thank you.
- [clears throat] London, wow.

You're not moving to London, are you?

Well, I might have to.

Richard's putting the money up,

so he'll expect close oversight from me.

- Richard?
- Richard Branson.

- He's my partner.
- Yeah, I know.

The guy with the rockets and the hair.

- Is that a problem?
- No, of course not.

It's... Hey, it's great. Congratulations.

It's totally cool. It is...

[clears throat] ...great and cool.


Wow. You sold the Tesla?

And put the money into "Valleys."

I'm a believer.

- You loved that car.
- Yeah.

Well, you're welcome, George.

- Oh, I mean...
- [phone ringing]

- That's okay.
- Oh. Oh, man,

so check this out. So, Lori is opening

the GVN in London, man.

But, you know, I think it's good.

You know, she's got her own plane.

We learned something about London,

but I forgot it as
soon as I took the test.

- No! No freaking way! Damn it!
- What?

"Valleys" is d*ad.

They still own the rights to "Valleys,"

and they're just gonna sit on it.

- They can keep you from making it.
- Why is that?

All the studios are like this

ever since Warner Bros.

let "Home Alone" go to Fox.

It's like they gave their
competitors a billion dollars.

So, that's it? They just sit on it

and then everybody
forgets about "Valleys"?

Yeah. That's what usually happens.

So it's over?

Sorry, jefe.

No! No, it's not over,
because I'm driving

a six-year-old Civic
with , miles on it

and a rattle coming from somewhere

I can't even figure out,

and I'm not doing that for nothing.

Hah! It is not over.

- Hey.
- Hey.

I heard about "Valleys." That sucks.

Yeah, it really does,

but I'm gonna find some
way to make it work.

You really should. It's a super-cool vis.

And I'm really sorry
if I twisted things up.

That's... Yeah. Thanks.

I forgive you.

I know your heart was in the right place,

even if your body was in the wrong one...

- repeatedly.
- [laughing]

Jason has been getting
a ton of job offers.

He's basically a hero
because he wanted to do

the good version of
"Valleys." He owes you.

Liking that script is
what got him so much heat.

No, that just started the ball rolling.

George is what caused so much heat.

He is everywhere, isn't he?

Oh, did you know that
UCB is doing this, like,

ironic stage performance of
the bad version of "Valleys"

- and it's selling out.
- Whoa.

I have some calls to make.

- Do you want to help?
- Yeah.

- [applause]
- And the one person

I really need to thank...

- is Wendy...
- [applause]

who helped me and made
me believe in myself.

- Thank you.
- [applause]

And finally, jefe.

George Lopez,

thank you for being my best friend.


Damn, that's the nicest
speech Shakey's has ever had.

- I'm so proud of you, Manolo.
- Thank you.

The rest of you, meet
me at the claw machine

to get your certificates.

- Nice job, Chico.
- Thank you.

I was wondering

if you want to be my birthing partner.

Think about it.

Oh, man, I knew you could do it, brother.

Yeah, you did, even when I didn't.

So, jefe, now
that I've graduated...

I know. I was expecting this.

Kind of, you want to get a job

and get into the workplace?

No. I want to do more for you.

Yeah? Like what? Like be my assistant?

- Heck, yeah.
- Wow. All right.

Well, I'm not sure how much
there is to assist with,

'cause "Valleys" is d*ad and stuff,

but you've got the job
under one condition.

I'm giving you a raise. Oh!

All right. You probably
need to go find Wendy.

Thanks for the adjustment.

- George.
- Hey, where you been?

- You missed the whole thing.
- What? No way.

- I've been watching from the back...
- Oh!

while fielding phone
calls from Amazon and HBO.

About what? "Valleys" is d*ad.

Well, "Valleys" might be d*ad,

but you are very much alive

and they all know it.

Did you know Coco put
you up for a GLAAD award

for your strong defense of
the transgender community?

- George, you are trending.
- Really?

You have connected

with the most diverse
demo I have ever seen.

Latinos, African-Americans, millennials,

LGBT, QISes and ASes, and hipsters.

Oh, don't forget angry white people.

Oh, that's right.

George Lopez, you are a relevant.

Wow. Wow, I'm relevant.

And I did it without Brooklyn or a**l.

Yeah, exactly.

Everyone wants in on the
George Lopez business.

You can do whatever you want.

Well, Olly, you know what?
You've done a great job.

I truly, truly appreciate it.

[phone ringing]

Oh! Hold that thought. Hulu is calling.

Hello. Please hold for Olly.

I knew that. I knew it.

Congratulations, George.

[laughing] Oh, thanks, Maronzio.

You don't seem like a guy
who's on top of the world.

No, I don't, do I?

I kind of wish Lori was
here to see this. Very sweet.

So do something about it.

Look, I know you're being casual,

but I lost Shandra by being casual.

I was walking around with a cross

because I was being casual.

I think this is what Lori wants.

- Is this what you want?
- No.

You know, when I'm with her,

I kind of feel like she wants more.

Then do something about it.

Yeah. You know, I'm gonna find her,

and I'm gonna tell her

that I'm tired of living like this

and I don't want to be alone,

and I want her today, tomorrow,

and for the rest of my life.

What's she gonna do? Say no?

I'm relevant. [laughing]

So, Lori, I'm tired of pretending

I have all the answers, 'cause I don't,

and I'm tired of making people believe

I can do everything by myself. I can't.

I don't want to live
like that anymore, Lori.

I'm tired and I don't
want to be alone anymore.

- George.
- I want you, Lori,

and I will do whatever it takes

to prove that to you.

Oh, George.

I can't be happier to
hear what you're saying.

You are going to love London.