02x20 - Broken Art

[bunniefuu]

Franco, I just worked out a plan

for your summer break from college.

Week one: we tear it up.

Week two: we bust it out. Huh?

Week three: we shut it down.

Week four: Chi-Town Strawberry Festival.

I can't do any of that, man.

I got to work,
so I can pay for my next semester.

Who am I supposed to bust it out with?

You were supposed to
carry my berry basket.

Hey, I need Franco here.

Now, man up and carry your own basket.

Morning, everybody.

Wow.

Somebody had a growth spurt.

No, these are for my new gig.

I'm doing odd jobs

for an old German lady up in Skokie.

She pays really well,
and she makes a mean schnitzel.

Well, how does that suit
you don't fit in fit in?

Oh, uh, she likes me to walk around

in her dead husband's clothes.

You serious?

Sometimes she calls me Fritz.

That was his name.

And her kids call me Papa.

It's basically the
creepiest job I've ever had.

Then why are you doing it?

I need the money.

This gig economy's taking a toll on me.

I can't afford to turn anything down,

and lately, I've been scraping
the bottom of the barrel.

Oh, Tush, I'm so sorry.

Well, I got to hit the head.
It might take a while.

I'm wearing lederhosen under this.

Ugh.

I just hate seeing
Tush degrading himself

with these crazy gigs.

He needs to get a real job.

I'd hire him at the dry cleaners,

- but we're closed for repairs.
- Don't you reopen next week?

Fine. You think of an excuse.

I guess I could hire him.

I got a few odd jobs piling up.

And that time when he stayed with me,
he was really helpful.

He cooked, he cleaned.

When my date stood me up,

he made me brownies

and put on Magic Mike.

Oh, damn.
I got an e-mail from the school.

Well, you gave college a sh*t.

Don't be discouraged.
I'm sure you could sell

some of your textbooks for dr*gs.

No, man, I-I made the dean's list.

Top ten percent of my class.

- (cheering)
- ARTHUR: There you go!

I am proud of you.
You've come a long way.

I got to text Tavi.

Tell my boo I made the dean's list.

His boo?

Yesterday, she was his bae.

You think they're taking
it to the next level?

Don't know, don't care.

Oh, please!

You know you're still pining for him.

You're the brown Rachel
to his black Ross.

Hey, Tush, you want to maybe help me out

a couple of days a week?

Ever since I became a detective,
I have no free time.

Yes, Randy. Thank you.
That'd be very nice.

First, I have to finish my
last job for Frau Schmidt.

- Sweatpants.
- Hmm?

You work in a retirement home.

Any tips for giving an
-year-old woman a sponge bath?

The key is the towel.

The towel?

Yeah, you-you tie it firmly
around your eyes.

♪ ♪

FRANCO: Hey, Professor Mills.

Guess who made the dean's list.

You and other people.

But congratulations.

You worked hard and you
deserve to be commended.

FRANCO: Hey, Tavi.

- Hey, Dean's List.
- (chuckles)

- Mmm.
- MILLS: Octavia,

you're involved with Mr. Wicks?

What a creative way to
disappoint your parents.

I'm kidding.

She's disappointing us all.

Here's my application for
the Ventura Fellowship.

Uh, what is that?

That is the most prestigious art
fellowship at Dearborn College.

Funded by a grant from
Mr. Frederick Ventura.

Fred "The Hammer" Ventura?

The p*rn star?

We all have a past, Mr. Wicks.

Mr. Ventura was generous
enough to provide the winner

with an opportunity to study
for a semester in Florence.

Free apartment, all expenses paid.

Wha... I want to do that.
Wh-Where do I sign up?

Oh.

You want to apply?

Hell yeah, I want to apply.
Free trip to Italy?

I've been studying the great
Italian painters in class,

and it'd be so cool to see
their work in person, you know?

Michelangelo,

Donatello,

Raphael...

Those are the Ninja Turtles.

I-I just... I just got that.

TAVI: The contest is

pretty intense, Franco.

You're up against the
top artists in school.

You think you're ready for that?

I'm ready for anything, baby.

That fellowship would go so
well in my résumé, all right?

It can go right up between
"Dean's List" and "Charges Dismissed."

Maybe you should wait.

This contest is more for
seniors and grad students.

She's correct.
No freshman has never won.

So... I'd be the first?

Huh?

I'd be making history?

Art history!

(chuckles)

You're not a high-fiver, are you?

What do you think?

Franco, I just...

I don't want to see you get discouraged.

(chuckling)

(singsongy): I see what's going on.

Mm-hmm.

You're afraid of a little competition.

(chuckles): Oh.

Really? Well, if I run into any,
I'll let you know.

I'll make an exception.

I'm still gonna do it.

Okay. If you really want to do this,

I got your back, %.

- All right. Mmm.
- You know,

I was supposed to be at a staff meeting,

but watching you two
jeopardize your relationship

is far more entertaining

than voting on homecoming themes.

We all know it's going to be
Night of a Hundred Genders.

You were supposed to
clean the men's room.

Hey, Fawz,

would you text Franco a
mop emoji and a poop emoji?

Throw in a skull and crossbones...

it's bad in there!

I'm sorry, man.

Tavi and I both entered
this art contest,

and they're about to announce the theme.

Theme of what?

The art piece we have to submit.

It could be anything... death, power.

Well, if it's "sitting on your
ass while the toilet overflows"

you're gonna nail it.

So, you're competing
against your girlfriend?

(singsongy): Plot twist.

Bad idea, kid.

Never compete against
anyone you're sweet on.

Joanie and I used to lock horns
over our dueling donut careers.

Donut career?

Is that what you're calling this?

You see, I always preferred, you know,

the simple blue-collar donut.

But she always wanted to fill
'em with these fancy creams and jellies.

And your two most popular donuts are?

Maple creme and jellies,
but that's not the point.

Arthur, let them give it a try.

Sometimes it's good for a
relationship to be tested.

(chuckles) Mm.

You know, to see how strong it is.

I should go.

Hey. So, Arthur,
once the theme gets announced,

we have hours to finish it. So...

would it be cool if I took
the rest of the day off?

Oh, fine.

But, first, take care of that bathroom.

Yes! Look,

I-I've never said this before
snaking a toilet, but...

I love you, man.

Hey, Boss Lady.

I deposited your check,
picked up your groceries,

and if you open that manila folder,
I need your Jane Hancock.

Uh, okay.

Uh, what am I signing?

It authorizes me to purchase
more manila folders.

What's my schedule for the weekend?

Well, what time would you like
to have that brunch with Lisa?

I don't want to have brunch with Lisa.

That's why I canceled it.

Nice.

I could get used to this.

Hey, Randy, I was wondering...

Just a second, Fawz.

Are you in for Fawz?

You know what, I'm busy.

I don't have her right now.

Why don't you leave a number,
we'll call you back.

Okay, so they just sent me the theme.

- What is it?
- It's struggle,

which is perfect for me, man.

They might as well just give
me the plane tickets now.

- Plane tickets?
- Yeah.

The winner spends the
summer in Florence.

- Like in Italy?
- Mm-hmm.

Three months of mobsters, pizza,
and fat dudes talking with their hands.

Throw in fat women
talking with their hands

and you'll be back in Chicago.

Yo, so, Arthur, uh, if I win,

would it be cool if I
took the summer off?

Yeah, of course.

It's a great opportunity. Take it.

Thanks.

(groans) My back.

- You okay?
- Oh!

Yeah. Uh, uh, just a twinge.

- A-Are you sure?
- Yeah, I'm fine.

Go on. You only got hours
to finish that painting.

I can handle the shop. (grunts)

- Oh, yeah?
- Mm-hmm.

Okay.

Pick up that tray.

Hey, since when do you give me orders?

I tell you to pick up things.

(strained):
Now pick me up and put me in that chair.

(sniffing)

Damn it!

(sighs)

Arthur, yo, just go home, man.

No, no, no. I have a system.

- Coffee to go, please.
- ARTHUR: Sweatpants!

(sighs heavily)

One piping hot coffee to go. Yes, sir.

Only the best cup of joe in Uptown.

Yeah.

Comin' at ya.

I said decaf, right?

Sweatpants!

- I got it.
- Arthur, I can't be wheeling

some old dude around all day.

I have to get back to my job.

At the nursing home.

Here. Thank you.

- So, how's your painting coming?
- Not great.

Now I know why Michelangelo
didn't work at a Dunkin' Donuts.

Tavi was right, dude. This is tough.

I had all these ideas all in my head,

- but it's hard to lay 'em all down.
- Relax, relax.

I'm sure everyone's having a hard time.

FRANCO: Hey, bae.

- What you doing here?
- I finished my painting,

so I thought I'd bring
you a pastrami sandwich.

Wait, you finished?

Wait, pastrami?

I mean, I'll take one more look at it,
but I'm basically done.

- How about you?
- Well, it's kind of hard

to run a donut shop and
finish a painting, so...

Yeah, Franco's got a lot on his plate,
unlike some of us.

Take the sandwich.

You know what, why don't you let
me take a look at your painting?

Nah. Nah, n-not right now.
It's not ready yet.

Maybe I could give you some fresh eyes.

Okay. All right, come take a look.

Mustard?

TAVI: In the bag!

So, uh, just give me
your honest opinion,

and don't hold back.

- Well...
- You hate it! I knew it.

- Why'd you even come back here?
- No.

I was just gonna say there's
a lot that I like about it.

And it's gonna be great.

- You think so?
- Yes.

I just have a couple of thoughts.

- So, the piece is about struggle, right?
- Yeah.

Well, I think there might be
a little bit too much struggle

going on in this corner.

ARTHUR: Franco?

What?!

We're out of Long Johns.

(sighs) Okay.

I-I can't, I can't do it.

- I-I can't, I can't do this, man.
- Babe.

- You're so stressed right now.
- Mm-hmm.

You know,
there's no reason that you can't wait

and, you know,
go for the fellowship next year.

So, what, now you think I can't do this?

- So much for having my back.
- (scoffs)

You know, that Tavi, such a sweet kid,

coming over here to check on her beau.

Or is it boo?

Oh, you get defensive every
time I try to help you.

Is it always gonna be like this?

I don't even need your help

because I know more about
struggle than you ever will.

TAVI: Oh,
I know all about struggle, Franco,

because I'm going out with you.

Ooh!

No, uh, the mustard is very spicy.

SOFIA: Hey, Franco.

How's the painting?

It's finished. With minutes to spare.
I think it's pretty good.

Take that, Tavi!

Aren't there other people
in the contest besides Tavi?

Yeah, but Tavi's very important to me,

and I would like to see
her go down in flames.

Well, sounds like something's
going on between Franco and Tavi.

Hmm. Wouldn't you like to know?

Oh, you don't know anything.

Unless you do. Do you?

Girlfriend, let me tell you.

(cries out)

Anyone want to hire an
annoying personal assistant?

What? I thought
Tush was doing a good job.

He's too good.

He called Lisa, that woman I hate,

and tried to work it out with her.

So now I got to have
lunch with that bitch.

Well, sounds like you and Tush
really need to work it out.

Tell me everything you
know about Franco and Tavi.

Well, as you know,
Arthur predicted trouble,

and, boy, was he right.

ARTHUR: Well, that back doctor

was of no help.

- What'd he say?
- He couldn't find anything.

Gave me some painkillers,

but they didn't have
any effect on me at all.

Where's the coatrack?

Joanie moved it.

In .

Well, remind me
to tell her to move it back.

Okay, Fawz, spill it.

Franco, Tavi, go!

Buckle your seat belt, sister.

Hey, Chief.

Damn it!

I took the liberty of
changing your e-mail address.

You were getting too much spam.

So, I wrote down your
new password right here.

- What is it?
- It's "R", seven, dot...

the word "dot", not a dot dot...

followed by a dot dot,

then an umlaut, then hashtag,

then the word "password".

All right, wish me luck. Oh, by the way,

I mixed the chocolate
up with the brown paint,

so nobody eat the Long Johns.

Did I ever tell you guys

about my idea to open a donut shop?

Can I have your attention, please?

Ladies and gentlemen...

(clears throat)

And Chris.

It's time to announce the winner
of this year's Ventura Fellowship.

And on behalf of the
Dearborn Art Department,

I'd like to say...

does anyone else smell chocolate?

It's called mixed media.

Let's keep moving.

Very well.

The Ventura Fellowship goes to...
Franco.

(whispers): Yes.

Your painting is blocking the winner.

Which is Octavia St. Claire.

(applause)

Mr. Wicks, you look disappointed.

I am disappointed, man.

Did you not see my painting?

It's got struggle all over it.

It's got a building on fire,

somebody getting arrested,

the Chicago Bears.

(scoffs)

Classic rookie mistake.

Tavi had the training
to take a single idea

and execute it exquisitely.

Her piece is crystallized.

- It's distilled.
- I get it.

She's better than me.

You're not untalented, Mr. Wicks.

You just lack the experience
to compete at this level.

I believe someone tried
to warn you about that.

Yeah, she did.

I meant me.

But yes, Tavi did, too.

And you let your ego
get the best of you.

- I don't have an ego.
- Really?

Then why haven't you congratulated her?

It's not easy being in a
relationship with a fellow artist.

All right, well, thank you, Professor.

Appreciate it.

But did I at least come in second place?

Sure.

Hey, Tavi.

I just want to congratulate
you on your piece.

- Um, you deserve it.
- Thanks.

I'm-I'm sorry I've been
such a d*ck to you.

But I-I've been so stressed
out with work, school.

But that's no excuse to...

Look, I just had a really nice moment.

Can we not do this right now?

My friends are waiting for me.

All right. Have fun.

Mr. Wicks,

could you get your painting out of here?

It's covered in flies.

Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Arthur, your-your back is still hurting.

Why don't you take those painkillers?

People told me it was making me loopy.

Well, not me directly.

I heard Abraham Lincoln
talking to Bing Crosby.

Morning, Commander.
The new folders are in.

Three-tab.

Oh, goody.

Oh, I got you a Bumble account.

You have a date on Thursday
with a very handsome lawyer.

He has children, but I assured him

that would not be a deal breaker.

What's wrong? This brave can tell
when the big chief has a problem.

Well, yeah.

There is something kind
of painful I need to do.

Really? That's what you pay me for.

Let me do it.

Okay.

I need you to fire my assistant.

I see.

Was he not working hard enough?

Oh, no, he worked too hard.

And only because he has a big heart

and he's caring and organized.

And frankly,

I think his talents are wasted on me.

Well, um, he understands,

and he thanks you for the opportunity.

And he will never forget

how you gave him his confidence back.

(voice breaking):
You turned a shell of a man

into a hell of a man.

So you're not mad?

No. Actually, I've been thinking

I'm ready for something more,
like a full-time job.

I'm talking : to : .

Well, you know, whatever you do,

I'm sure you'll be great at it.

Thanks.

(groans) Oh...

one more thing.

Your ex-assistant wanted me to tell you
that he put a small dent in your car.

What?

It's okay, he's gonna pay for
it out of his severance package,

which was very generous. (clicks tongue)

SWEATPANTS: I know that face.

That's your "I didn't win" face.

Yep. No Florence for me.

Oh, you lost the contest. I'm sorry.

FRANCO: Yep.

I think I lost my girlfriend, too.

What?

Oh...

Oh, no.

I'm-I'm so sorry.

You had a rough week, kid.

Why don't you take tomorrow off and
do something fun with Sweatpants.

Might as well. Probably gonna end up
spending the rest of my life with him.

Yes!

Well, I guess I better
get those crullers started

for the Fenderman bris.

RANDY: Look at that.

Quasimodo stands.

My back is feeling better.

(chuckling): How about that.

Well, well, well...

If you're here to win Franco back,
don't bother.

He doesn't want to talk to you.

- Franco, can we talk?
- Yeah, let's go outside.

(sighs)

I've been doing a lot of thinking.

Me, too.

If I'm being honest,

I'm starting to think
our relationship's...

Come to Florence with me.

Really?

I know we have problems,
but there's a lot

that works about us, too.

If I could just get you away

from all this stress,
we could focus on us.

I don't want to be mooching off you.

They're giving me a stipend,
which I don't need, so really,

you'd be mooching off the school.

I like the sound of that.

It's so sad when people break up.

Then maybe you should stop smiling.

I can't believe how great my back feels.

Well, I can.

What are you talking about?

Well, Franco said that he was leaving,

and you got all knotted up.

Then he said he was staying,
and the pain went away.

It's psychosomatic.

Who do you think you are, Oprah?

You're not even Gayle.

Oh, my God.

Guess what...
Tavi and I are going to Florence.

- What?!
- No!

Aah...

Something wrong with your back?

Oh, shut up.