05x05 - Civil Rights

[bunniefuu]

♪♪

The Suffragettes were
like, if these f*cking men

aren't gonna give us the right to vote,

then we're just gonna have to take it,

and they're rowdy as f*ck.

So buckle up, baby.

Hundreds of black kids in
Birmingham linked hands

and said, "Not today, bitch.

Not today."

Who was I talking about?

The kids.

People with disabilities
around the nation were like,

we're about to make a change.

I feel way drunker than I should be.

(Laughs)

(Groans)

♪♪

(Gospel music)

I'm so drunk.

BOTH: Cheers.

Cheers, cheers.

Did you ever take, like,
any karate growing up, or...

I did judo for a second.

- You did?
- Yes.

All right, try to do it to me.

Okay.

(Laughs)

That's really slow.

It's, like, a hair.

(Laughs)

That's more than a hair.

It's like a whole afro too slow.

Yeah, yeah, one afro too slow.

(Laughs) That was good.

Still got it after all these years.

(Laughs) All these years.

Hello, I'm Kirby Howell-Baptiste,

and today we'll be
discussing Suffrajitsu.

BOTH: Cheers.

This is gonna be some good sh*t.

Buckle up, baby.

So our story starts in England.

There is a Suffragette protest

lead by Emmeline Pankhurst,

and she's like, oy, listen, women.

We need the right to vote,
so if these f*cking men

aren't gonna give us the right to vote,

then we're just gonna have to take it.

Right?

And they're rowdy as f*ck, obviously,

because they're, like, ready for this.

So the Metropolitan
Police are like, listen,

oh, these women want
to step out of line,

but we're gonna show them who's boss.

They start grabbing women,
twisting their arms,

pulling on their breasts.

Can you imagine?

Putting on their breasts?

Pulling, not putting.

Oh, okay.

- (Laughing) Putting on their breasts.
- Putting on their breasts.

I didn't know.

So the fight turns completely nasty.

Two women got k*lled.

One was Emmeline Pankhurst's
sister, so she's like, oh, no.

Like, you k*lled my sister.

I'm f*cking coming for you.

This event was known as Black Friday.

So this was, like, in
history, a big, big day.

It's still a big day.

Yeah, for sales.

Mm-hmm. Great deals.

Great deals.

Anyway, so Emmeline Pankhurst

goes to Edith Garrud,

this ' " woman who
runs a jiu-jitsu school.

And Emmeline is like,
Edith, I need your help.

These police are acting wild.

We need to, like... like, help,
like, train these Suffragettes

so that they can defend themselves

against the police.

So Edith put together Suffragettes.

And she's like, we're gonna
call you the Bodyguard.

So Edith Garrud was tea...
Edith Garrud teaches...

so Edith Garrud taught...

(Chuckles)

Edith Garrud starts
training these girls,

and she's like, hi-yah!

Block the titties!

And they'd all go, hi-yah!

Block the titties!

We!

Want!

The!

Vote!

(Laughs)

So then the cream rises to the top,

and one of the people who were
just the cream of the crop

was Gertrude Harding,
ultimate bad bitch.

Any relation to Tonya?

(Laughing)

Can you narrate every story?

No one reacts to my jokes like that.

(Laughing)

So...

(Laughs)

In February ,

Emmaline delivered a speech

in Camden Square,

and at the end she goes, okay, you lot.

I'm coming down now,

and police, you can try
and grab these titties.

Whatever.

She comes downstairs and
then the Commissioner goes,

"Grab her by the titties, I say!

I say, grab her by the titties!"

And the other guy goes,
whoa, this is my first day.

I didn't know we were gonna be
grabbing people by the titties.

And he goes, welcome to
the Metropolitan Police!

(Both laughing)

Oh, my God.

So, um, there's a big tussle.

The police grab her,
they pull off her bonnet,

and they're like, you're
not Emmeline Pankhurst!

And she goes, yeah, no sh*t, idiot.

I'm her body double.

Emmeline goes downstairs with
the rest of the Bodyguard.

They get her out perfectly safe.

The police are mad as hell.

But the whole of England
knows about Emmeline now,

so she's going out to
Glasgow for this huge talk

at St. Andrew's Hall,

and the Bodyguard are
standing by the stage,

and there's, like, beautiful
bouquets behind them.

And Emmeline strides over to
the stage, and she's like,

we need to fight and we
need to do all this stuff.

And then the Scottish police,
they're like, let's play that...

that bitch's tits like a bagpipe.

And the Bodyguard are
like, oh, hold on a minute.

You're not playing anyone's titties

like a bagpipe.

Not today.

And they're flipping them
onto the bouquets of flowers,

and obviously you might think,

oh, well, that's...
what's that gonna do?

That's gonna make them smell nice

and maybe get a tiny bit wet?

'Cause the flowers?

And no, there's barbed wire
concealed in all the flowers.

She's like, oh, you like titties?

You know what is also a titty?

Barbed wire.

And he goes, I don't get it.

And she goes, it doesn't
make any f*cking sense!

You just got barbed wired.

(Laughs)

(Hard rock music playing)

And they go buck-wild.

They start grabbing police officers,

just flipping them over,

doing all their f*cking jiu-jitsu moves,

all the grappling and
flipping, and all this.

And that's the great
thing about jiu-jitsu,

is that it's not about your size.

♪♪

But there's a lot more police

than there are of the Bodyguard,

and they arrest all the women.

But Emmeline knew she
was gonna be arrested.

She even said, "If I'm not arrested,

"if I continue to evade
the police officers,

"I make them look like
a f*cking joke, right?

"However, if I am arrested,
I will turn sympathy towards

"the Suffragette movement

"'cause I'm a martyr at that point.

Like, I'm f*cking Joan
of Arc-ing this bitch."

And that's exactly what happened.

There was, like, a rally in support

for the Suffragette movement.

All of a sudden, all these men
were like, oh, yeah, why not?

Let's give you the right to vote.

It's really the least we can do anyway.

And in , the bills passed.

- The bills passed!
- The bills passed!

- Cheers!
- Cheers!

Everyone is happy.

Whoo!

Ooh!

The bills passed.

Women in England and Ireland
now have the right to vote.

Emmaline's like, oh, these titties?

These titties get to vote now.

- Hell yeah.
- Hell yeah.

That's two votes.

That's two votes.

Voter fraud.

(Popping sounds)

(Laughing)

♪♪

(Dramatic tone)

(Laughs)

Hey, guys. I'm Crissle West,
and today we're going to talk about

the Birmingham children's march.

- Cheers, Crissle.
- (Laughs)

Let's march.

Mm.

Delicious!

All right, so where
does our story begin?

f*ck. Who knows.

(Laughs)

So our story begins in in Alabama,

where racism is so deeply
embedded in the community.

But the breaking point
for Gwendolyn Sanders

was when she realized, in the th grade,

that her textbook had
previously been used

by a white th grader.

And she's like, I knew
I wasn't allowed to go

to the same movie theaters and
sh*t like that as white people,

but y'all are giving us
raggedy, old textbooks

that you were giving your th graders.

Like, not only do you
not give a f*ck about me

or my people, you
don't give a f*ck about

my education, either.

And so she realized then
that things needed to change

and she wanted to be a part of it.

♪♪

So around the time that
this story sh... starts... sharts.

- (Laughs)
- It sharted.

Oh, no! Don't let the story shart!

(Laughs)

So around this same time,
Martin Luther King, Jr.

was urging the newly elected
President Kennedy, like, man,

we need some official
legislation to stop

the bullshit that's
happening to black people.

Like, you need to get involved.

You're the f*cking president.

And Kennedy sympathized.

He was like, you know, I agree with you,

but the party is still
made up of poor, white,

Southern voters, and I
cannot alienate them,

which doesn't that sound super familiar?

- It sounds a little similar.
- And kind of distressing?

Right.

So Dr. King is using the
th Street Baptist Church

to try to organize protests.

And Martin Luther King being,
like, yo, for real though,

it's time for us to do something.

And the adults were like, listen,

it's not that we don't agree with you,

but at the end of the
day I still have to put

food on the table and
pay the rent in this hoe,

and I don't want them
burning crosses on my lawn

or any sh*t like that,
so... like, bitch,

it's not f*cking safe!

We can't do this!

And Dr. King was like,
if we can't enact change

in Birmingham, we can't do it anywhere.

Who can join in the protest
and get arrested with us?

And he was sort of shocked
to see Gwendolyn Sanders

and her sisters get up
and say, "You know what?

"We'll do it.

We will do something about this."

And then more and more
kids stood up to volunteer.

They decided to mobilize,

so that's exactly what they did.

They went back to school, like, listen,

we know y'all are sick of the racism,

and there's something we
can actually do about it.

And on May nd, they...
the protest went down.

And administrators
started locking the doors

to keep them from getting out,
and kids would just straight up

jump out the window.

Like, bitch, you not gonna keep us here.

Over , kids left school

to go to Kelly Ingram Park to protest.

(Tense music)

But then Bull Connor,

the head of the Birmingham
Police Department, was like,

okay, well, y'alls black
asses can go to jail.

So they started carting
these kids off by the dozens,

and over , kids were
arrested on that first day,

which is insane.

And after a few days of protest,

the Birmingham jails
are totally overcrowded.

And so as more kids are
arrested, others come back out

to take up their place.

But on May th, that was
when sh*t got really real.

Bull Connor was looking
at hundreds of black kids

standing up to his bullshit.

He's like, let's bring out the hoses.

And these are high-pressure,

knock-you-the-f*ck-out water hoses.

But the kids realized that
there's strength in numbers

and togetherness matters,
so those kids linked hands

and said, "Not today, bitch.

Not today."

So Bull Connor decides, oh, okay.

Release the K units

so that the dogs can f*ck these kids up.

(Coughs)

Excuse me.

(Laughs)

And at this point, there
were news crews there

that caught the entire
situation on camera,

and these are now some of
the most infamous sh*ts

of the Civil Rights movement.

And after people saw
children on international TV

being sprayed with hoses
and att*cked by dogs,

a mind shift occurred,

and after eight solid days of protest,

President Kennedy felt
motivated to come out and say,

"You know what?

"I didn't want to say it before

"because of the Southern white voters,

"but them m*therf*ckers are r*cist,

"so it's time to just be real.

"This sh*t that you are going out here

and doing to people in my
name is not the f*ck okay."

(Triumphant music)

Oh, man, I love drinking.

How come I don't do this more?

(Both laughing)

Whoo!

(Laughs)

So anyway, who was I talking about?

- The kids.
- Yeah, yeah.

So after the success of the
Birmingham children's march,

Dr. King decided to ride that momentum,

and he gave his "I Have a Dream" speech.

Bull Connor was fired,
and the Civil Rights Act

was passed within a year of all that,

so it was monumental
that Gwendolyn Sanders

and these kids were willing to say

this is not a f*cking game,
and you won't treat us

and our people this
way because we're here

and this is what's going on,

and it's time for us to stand up too.

And so I don't have to worry
about that sort of thing

the way those kids even did
or their parents even did,

and I don't take that for granted.

Cheers to the kids!

Cheers to the kids.

(Glasses clink)

- All right.
- This is gone.

I'm not drinking sh*t else!

No! No more.

I'm done, Viacom!

(Laughter)

♪♪

- Here you go, young lady.
- Here we go.

Cheers to you.

And you.

To everybody.

To everybody and you.

And myself. Thank you.

- Mm-hmm. And me.
- And that includes you.

- Great, thank you.
- Mm-hmm.

Hello.

I'm Suzi Barrett, and
today we're talking about

the Section sit-in.

I'll sit in for this.

I'll sit in with you.

(Chuckles)

Okay.

Act one, scene one.

A backdrop appears slowly in
front of the audience's eyes.

What's on this backdrop?

The s and the s.

We got people with disabilities

being treated not as normal citizens.

If you're in a wheelchair,
you can't just, like,

walk into a bank and apply for a job.

There's no access, and
they're like, uh, f*ck you.

You use a wheelchair.

Or, like, you can't see

and therefore f*ck off, dude.

A disability is
dismiss-ability, basically.

Put that in your f*cking pipe.

I will.

And I'll smoke that.

Will you?

I will.

I like this pipe.

Okay.

So here comes .

Richard Nixon signs this thing
called the Rehabilitation Act,

and section of
the Rehabilitation Act

is the section that
says you can't, uh...

a federal institution
can't, like, uh, you know,

discriminate against
people with a disability.

So section needs to be signed.

So... so... so Joseph Califano,

the head of the Department
of Health, Education,

and Welfare... HEW... was like, well,

this sounds like a lot of work.

So, like, what do we have
to do to our buildings?

What's braille?

I mean, if this is
that, and that is what,

and what this is what
we're talking about, and...

(Snoring)

(Laughs)

So it sits there for four f*cking years,

and he doesn't sign it.

So the American Coalition of
Citizens with Disabilities,

headed by Dr. Frank Bowe,

are like, what the f*cking f*ck?

Make us equal.

We have rights.

We are citizens.

(Spits)

Sign this by April th or else.

And "else" is not a "Frozen" character.

"Else" is a f*cking disability surprise.

(Burps)

I feel way drunker than I should be.

You're all good. You're all good.

(Laughing)

(Groans)

Okay.

So the deadline, April
th, comes and it goes.

And at the federal
building in San Francisco,

this woman, Judy Heumann, rolls up,

and doorman's like, oh... (stammering)

I'm sorry, ma'am.

Do you need some help?

Would you like some
punch or maybe a cookie?

And she's like, nope.

Uh...

me and my friends

would actually like to
roll over your ass...

(Funky rock music)

'Cause we're about to make a change.

♪♪

And this started the first protest

for the disability movement.

All over the nation at all
these federal buildings,

protests erupt.

People with disabilities
are like, f*ck you!

We're gonna camp out in your hallways.

We're gonna sit on your
m*therf*cking desk.

But none of these
protests across the country

lasted more than hours
except for San Francisco,

where the days start dragging
on, and people have needs.

Like, oh, my God.

I don't have my ventilator.

I can't f*cking breathe.

I don't even know why
I'm speaking right now.

I'm wasting oxygen.

And, like, the news is covering this.

And people start really feeling
for what's happening here.

And the floodgates open,

and you got people bringing in
medicine, coming in with food.

The Black Panthers show up.

Everyone's sitting in, not
just people with disabilities.

It's allies and people
with disabilities.

I's veterans coming home from Vietnam

being like, man, we got you.

Jefferson Airplane shows up, like,

we're Jefferson Airplane.

Get it... you know, get your sh*t on.

We love you!

If Woodstock was in an office building

and filled with wheelchairs
and medical supplies,

this is Woodstock.

And all these people
are finding a community

that they hadn't had
in person until now.

And finally, they get the
attention of Washington.

So they're like, okay, okay, let's, um,

let's make a little hearing,

and we'll hear your little
disability complaints.

When people start noticing
that they're being dicks,

then they start trying
to fix their dicks.

(Laughs)

That's my favorite Dr. Seuss quote.

(Laughter)

I'm so dumb.

(Laughs)

(Groans)

Hey.

- Oh, hey, Suzi. (Laughs)
- Oh, hey.

This is a real f*cking...

- Is that too much?
- No.

(Laughs)

Okay.

So Judy Heumann gets of her friends

from her activist
group in San Francisco,

and they haul ass to Washington.

Boom.

We're in Washington, D.C.

And she's like, if
you are going to claim

to be a country of the land of the free,

then you have to include us in it.

Otherwise, yikes,

do we have a weird revolution
that's about to happen.

So here's Senator Alan Cranston.

You know, he's nodding his head.

"Oh, yeah.

Oh, my gosh, yeah.

Oh, I'm so feeling it."

Judy Heumann's not having any of it.

She's like, I'd appreciate
if you wouldn't act

like you understand what I'm saying

because you don't understand.

We're going through this sh*t.

You ain't.

Party's over.

Peace out.

Sign the sh*t.

Crowd goes wild.

Everyone's cheering for Judy.

Love it.

Then Frank Bow steps up, and he's like,

we're not even second-class citizens.

We're third-class citizens.

And here come the tears.

How do you not cry after that?

You know, why would you want
to be on the side of history

that categorizes people

rather than the side of
history that's, like, liberating

and, like, let's be the piñata.

Yeah, break it and
let everyone come out.

Yeah!

Let's make... let's make candy.

Okay.

Califano's like, ooh.

I, uh, funny thing.

Uh... fine!

I'll sign it.

Jubilation.

was signed, and this
opened the floodgates

for the American Disabilities
Act for ramps, for braille,

for everything that we know today

that is for disability access.

(Triumphant music)

So Judy Heumann's people have
been in the federal building

in San Francisco for days.

And these protestors
are coming out so happy,

fists raised in victory.

And they're loving it because
they're having a voice

in their place in history.

♪♪

- Cheers.
- Cheers.

♪♪

To everybody.

To literally everybody.

♪♪