♪ Here's the story ♪
♪ Of a lovely lady ♪
♪ Who was bringing up ♪
♪ Three very lovely girls ♪
♪ All of them had hair of gold ♪
♪ Like their mother ♪
♪ The youngest one in curls ♪
♪ It's the story of a
man named Brady ♪
♪ Who was busy with
three boys of his own ♪
♪ They were four
men living all together ♪
♪ Yet they were all alone ♪
♪ Till the one day when
the lady met this fellow ♪
♪ And they knew that it was
much more than a hunch ♪
♪ That this group must
somehow form a family ♪
♪ That's the way we all
became the Brady Bunch ♪
♪ The Brady Bunch ♪
♪ The Brady Bunch ♪
♪ That's the way we
became the Brady Bunch. ♪
Is it ready yet?
Can't you see we still
have to decorate it?
I mean, does the
dunking part work?
Oh, you bet it does.
Believe me... Watch it, Pete.
Believe me, if you
hit that bull's-eye...
splat! Down you go.
Boy, this is going
to be the best booth
in the whole school carnival.
Step right up,
folks, step right up
to the Brady booth,
and for ten cents...
For the tenth
part of a dollar...
Let's see who
can dunk the, uh...
dunkee, whoever he is.
It wouldn't hurt you
to do a little work on it.
ALICE: That's fair.
Hi, Greg.
Hey, Greg, what's the matter?
Who said anything
was the matter?
Well, if nothing's the matter,
what are you so sore about?
Nothing. Ah, come on.
If you tell someone, you're
supposed to feel better.
The coach took me
off the first-string
basketball team.
No wonder you're sore.
Now I'm sore, too.
You know who b*at me out?
Who? Warren Mulaney.
Warren Mulaney?
That's the same
guy who b*at you out
for student council president.
Some president.
He got elected by making
a lot of phony
promises he didn't keep.
How did he get
to be first string?
By buttering up the coach.
And then when the
coach isn't looking,
you should see the
way he goofs off.
Boy, he really is a phony.
He's a bummer, all right.
The crumb bugs me
worse than anybody I know.
You name it... anybody.
Jan, guess what.
Okay, I'll guess.
What?
I just got asked for a date
to the pizza parlor.
So what's such a big deal?
By a high school boy.
You're kidding!
No.
He's coming by after dinner.
Your first high school date.
But where did you meet him?
On the way home from school.
What's his name?
Warren Mulaney.
Wow!
Come on, Greg.
We're going to start decorating
the dunking machine.
You don't need me.
Sure we do.
What, you got a problem?
Yeah.
Well, you run on down.
I'll be there in a minute.
Okay, the one who
does the most work
gets to be dunked first.
That sounds fair to me.
( sighs)
Well, what's the problem?
You know that guy
who b*at me out
for student council?
Oh, yeah, what was
his name? Warren?
Warren Mulaney.
Bugs me just to say it.
Well, what about him?
Today he b*at me out
for first string on
the basketball team.
Oh... well, I'm
sorry about that.
Come on, you can't win them all.
You know that, don't you?
Dad, he's always b*ating
me out at something.
I don't mind getting beaten out,
but he doesn't even play fair.
He's a phony,
buttering-up, conniving...
Oh, Greg, come on.
Don't let it get you down.
Look, if that's the case,
the coach is going to
find out sooner or later.
Well, how does that help me now?
Every dog has his day.
I'm not so sure with
a dog like Warren.
Cheer up.
Come on down and
help us if you feel like it.
Marcia, Jan?
How about some help
with the carnival booth?
We're coming, Dad. Okay.
Do you think Mom and Dad
will let you go out
with a high school boy?
Why not? As long
as he's real nice.
Well, is he?
He seems to be.
I wonder if Greg knows him.
You go on. I'll be
down in a minute.
Okay.
Greg? Can I talk
to you for a second?
What about?
Well, this real
cool guy asked me
to go to the pizza
parlor with him.
So?
He's in high school.
Congratulations.
Well, he's in your class
and I thought if you knew him,
you could tell
me what he's like.
Every guy in my class is okay
except one... Warren Mulaney.
As far as I'm concerned,
he's public enemy number one.
Well, what's the
matter with him?
I guess you didn't hear.
That worm b*at me out for first
string on the basketball team.
Gee, Greg, I'm sorry.
That guy is at the
top of my crumb list.
In fact, he's at the bottom
of my crumb list, too,
and he's every crumb in between.
Mom?
Hmm?
A boy from high school asked
me to go to the pizza parlor.
Ooh, a high school boy.
Aren't we growing up?
Before you know it,
it'll be college boys.
This one's just a
high school boy.
Can I go?
Well, I think it'll be okay,
but we would like
to meet him first.
I told him to come on over.
If we can go, great.
Fine.
There may be one
little problem, though.
Oh? What's that?
Greg doesn't like Warren.
That's his name...
Warren Mulaney.
Why doesn't Greg like him?
Warren took his place
on the basketball team.
Well, I'm... I'm afraid
that's Greg's problem.
It really isn't yours.
I know it and you know it.
I just hope Greg knows it.
Thanks, Cindy.
You're welcome.
Do I look okay?
Uh-huh. Is that the new style?
Is what the new style?
Wearing two different shoes.
Thanks, Cindy.
I guess I'm a little
nervous about Warren.
If he makes you nervous,
why are you going out with him?
It's not him.
It's how Greg feels about him
that's got me uptight.
Are you going
to let him kiss you good night?
That is none of your business.
I know.
I just thought I'd
ask you anyway.
Okay, paprika...
( muttering softly)
okay... cu... cumbers...
Hi, looking for something?
Greg.
Warren will be here any minute
and I want to keep them apart.
Well, Greg went to the library.
Oh, good.
Well, I don't know,
I think he went
to pick up a book on witchcraft.
You will let me know if
Prince Warren turns into a frog.
( laughing)
That was just a joke, honey.
Not to me, Alice.
Sorry.
( doorbell rings)
That must be Warren.
Uh... margarine, margarine.
Hi, Alice, I'm home.
Hi.
Don't go in there.
Why not?
Uh... pie. Pie... you didn't
have any pie after dinner.
You rushed right
out to the library.
Sure I had pie.
I even had seconds.
This'll be my third helping.
Well, this will be
your third on firsts,
but it's only your
second on seconds.
Huh?! Well, the
pieces you had at dinner
were first and seconds, right?
So this will be
your third on firsts
or your second on seconds.
Alice, I think you're
a little pie-happy.
Well, anyway,
have another piece.
It's an end cut,
you'll just love it.
Why don't you sit down?
I'll get my parents.
Okay.
Who are they?
That's a new group
called "the nosy bodies."
Cindy, would you ask Mom and Dad
to come down?
Okay.
Thanks, Alice.
I guess I better get up to
my room now and study this.
I got a test tomorrow.
Wait a minute. Uh...
What's the matter?
Uh... ice cream.
Oh, that pie was
supposed to be a la mode.
You got cheated on
every piece you had.
So I'll get it. Look,
the way I figure it,
you've got about a
half a gallon coming.
Honest, Alice, I
couldn't eat another bite.
I guess my worst
subject's history.
I get confused
with the dates and...
Marcia?
Hi, Greg!
What's he doing here?
Well, Warren's taking me
to the pizza parlor tonight.
He's the guy you
were talking about?
Yeah.
Well, you can tell him to
leave before I throw him out.
Greg, what are
you so sore about?
Mom, Dad, I'd like you
to meet Warren Mulaney.
Warren, this is my mom and dad.
Hello, Warren.
CAROL: It's nice to meet you.
WARREN: It's nice
meeting you, too,
Mr. and Mrs. Brady.
CAROL: Oh, yeah, Martha.
Oh, sure, the kids
can hardly wait.
Well, the junior
high school carnival
is the highlight of
the year for them.
Mm-hmm, yeah.
Well, hold on just
a second, Martha.
I'll ask him, okay?
Martha wants to know
if the dunking machine's ready.
The dunking machine
is ready, Martha.
Yeah. Did you hear that, Martha?
Yeah, the dunking
machine is ready.
Oh, Martha, you are a devil.
Yeah, that would
be funny, mm-hmm.
( silence)
Yeah, uh-huh,
yeah, Martha, yeah.
Honey, would you come here?
Well, look, Martha,
I have to go.
Mike's calling me.
Uh-huh, I think
something's burning.
Yeah, sure, I'll do that.
Okay, Martha, bye.
You know what she said? No.
She thought it would be fun
to get the principal on
the dunking machine.
Empty every piggy
bank in the school.
You know what I think?
I think it would be fun
to get Martha on
the dunking machine.
She never stops talking.
MARCIA: Good night,
Warren, and thank you.
Hi, honey.
Did you have a good time?
Well... it was okay.
That's all? Just okay?
Yeah, you know, I thought,
"Wow, a high school boy,"
but Warren's just the same
as the boys in my
junior high class,
except he shaves once a month.
Well, maybe you
ought to catch him
on the nights he shaves.
Well, he did put on some
smelly after-shave lotion.
At first I thought it was the
pepperoni pizza he ordered.
Anyway, I was
going to invite him
to the school
carnival Friday night.
Well, what made you
change your mind?
Well, he's not all that great
and I don't see any sense
in getting Greg all upset.
Good night.
Good night, sweetheart.
Good night, dear.
Marcia.
Just a minute.
As soon as you're finished,
I want to talk to you.
Good, I want to
talk to you, too.
I've decided... I don't
care what you've decided.
You better not go out
with Warren Mulaney again.
But Greg, I was...
No buts about it.
You better not go out with him.
I'm telling you once
and for all, okay?!
Since when did you
become my boss?
You heard me, Marcia.
Don't go out with him.
And what if I do?
Well, then, Miss
Benedict Arnold,
you'll find out what.
( grunts angrily)
BOBBY: I don't want tuna.
I had tuna yesterday.
You have peanut
butter and jelly.
Jan has the tuna.
I got the tuna! I wanted
peanut butter and jelly.
( younger Bradys arguing)
( all talking at once)
( whistles loudly)
Hold it!
Whatever you have in
your hands right now,
that is lunch.
Now, come on, scoot.
You're going to
be late for school.
( kids continue arguing)
Thought about
what I said last night?
Did you hear me?
I heard you.
Well? What are you
going to do about it?
I'm going to ask Warren to go
to the school carnival with me.
You're going to what?!
I wasn't going to
until you opened your big mouth.
Now I am!
Marcia, you better not.
Not only that,
I'm going to ask Warren to
come home from school today
with me and help me
with my homework.
Marcia, you're really
asking for trouble.
MARCIA: And just who's
going to give it to me?
GREG: You're looking at him.
Oh, I'm so scared!
What is this? A shouting match?
Greg thinks he's my boss.
He thinks he can tell
me who I can go out with
and who I can't.
Did you say that, Greg?
MARCIA: That's
exactly what he said.
If I go out with Warren or
if I ask him to come over
this afternoon, he'd
make trouble for me.
Marcia, I think you're going
to be late for school, honey.
Come on. I guess I
better get going, too.
I think you have
a little time left.
Sit down.
You didn't answer my question.
Yes, sir, I said that.
Listen, Greg, it's not for you
to tell Marcia
who to go out with.
Mom, can you imagine how
I felt when I saw that guy?
My worst enemy, right
here in my own home.
This is Marcia's home, too,
and as long as your
mother and I approve,
she can invite anyone
over that she wants to.
Is that clear?
Yes, sir.
Okay.
Does that go for
the rest of us, too?
Sure, it does.
There aren't any special
rules just for Marcia.
Great.
Now, what was that
turnaround all about?
What's so great?
I don't know
and I'm not sure
I want to find out.
Why can't I go first?
Because it's ladies first.
You can be next, Bobby.
I want to go first.
Knock it off.
When are you going to grow up?
When I get older.
( mocking laughter)
Okay, you all set?
Mm-hmm.
Okay, let 'er rip, Peter.
Wait till I get out of here.
When I take a bath,
I want hot water,
a little privacy and
a lot of bubbles.
Okay, here it comes.
You missed. Some arm.
Aw, come on, give me a chance.
I'm not warmed up yet.
( screams)
Hang on, honey.
Here comes the Coast Guard.
My turn now.
Did you see that?
Right smack in the middle.
Yeah. Vida Blue
better start worrying
about his job.
Why can't I do it again?
Because it's my turn.
Yeah. Only one
dunk to a customer.
And besides, you
promised to help me
make some cookies for
the carnival. Oh, yeah.
Come on.
Okay, Pete, really
lay one in there.
I'm ready.
Okay, here it comes.
Come on, hit the target.
I'm trying to.
Peter, it's time to
do your homework.
In a minute, Mom.
Not in a minute. Now.
Okay.
Hey, I want to get dunked.
You heard what Mom said.
You make a dumb-looking mermaid.
The first United Nations
conference was held in...
San Francisco.
Right.
Psst!
Psst!
Jan's at the childish age
where she's big on secrets.
I'll be back in a minute.
What do you want?
Greg's on his way
home from school.
Oh, good!
I can't wait to see his face
when he sees Warren here.
You better get a
grip on your own face.
He's bringing someone home.
Who?
That girl that b*at you
out at cheerleading.
Kathy Lawrence.
Kathy Lawrence?!
He knows she's on
the bottom of my list.
He's just trying to bug me.
What are you
going to do about it?
Nothing.
Not a thing.
Nothing!
I'm not going to let
Kathy bother me one bit.
I won't give Greg
the satisfaction.
But...
A parallelogram...
A parallelogram...
Oh, yeah, it's a...
Uh... it's a four-sided figure
in which each pair
of opposite sides
remains the same distance apart.
Right.
GREG: I'm sure it
wasn't too hard for you.
Hi, Marcia.
You know Kathy, don't you?
Why, of course.
It's so nice to see
you again, Kathy.
Hi, Marcia.
MARCIA: Oh, this is
Warren Mulaney. Hi.
Hi.
Warren's on the first-string
basketball team in high school.
Kathy's head cheerleader now.
Oh, congratulations, Kathy.
I'm sorry you didn't
make cheerleader, Marcia.
It's really fun.
Oh, well, can't win them all.
Uh... Come on, Kathy.
Let's go do your homework.
I was sure surprised
to see you today.
I didn't think you
even remembered me.
How could I forget you?
I mean, I really dig the
way you lead those cheers.
No kidding?
Especially that "F-F-F-I-L" one.
Hey, how about
doing it for me now?
Here?
I'd feel embarrassed.
Besides, I came over to study.
Please, Kathy, I'd
really like to hear it.
And besides, I'm going to
help you do your homework.
Well, okay.
F-F-F-I-L L-L-L-M-O O-O-O-R-E.
Come on, Kathy.
What?
Really do it.
Are you sure it'll be all right?
Positive.
If you say so.
( loudly): F-F-F-I-L
L-L-L-M-O... O-O-O-R-E!
An obtuse triangle is...
Fillmore Junior High!
Louder.
F-F-F-I-L L-L-L-M-O O-O-O-R-E!
Fillmore Junior High!
F-F-F-I-L L-L-L-M-O O-O-O-R-E!
Fillmore Junior High!
Yay, team! Yay, team!
Yay!
That was terrific,
Kathy. That was great.
That was a wonderful
cheer, Kathy.
Warren thinks it's better
than the high
school cheer for his
first-string basketball team.
I hope you're still not
sulking about being replaced.
Would you excuse me, please?
Sure.
Got a second, Marcia?
Got all the time you want.
That was a dirty trick.
Speaking of dirty tricks,
how about you
inviting Miss Rah-Rah?
You started it
by bringing over that sardine.
MARCIA: Sardine...!
( Marcia and Greg
continue arguing in distance)
Hey, honey.
Here you go.
Yeah, yeah. I got it.
Hey, kids, what's going on?
What's the big attraction?
PETER: Hi, Mom, hi, Dad.
Greg and Marcia
are really going at it.
JAN: You should hear them.
I never seen them so mad!
About what?
About Kathy Lawrence.
Greg asked Kathy
over to bug Marcia
for asking Warren
over to bug him.
Sounds like an
unpopularity contest.
The whole thing is
beginning to bug me.
Can we listen?
No, kids, you stay out here.
How come we always
have to miss the good stuff?
Mayday! Mayday!
Anybody?
You started the whole thing
by trying to boss me.
Benedict Arnold,
that's who you are.
( door opens)
Hi.
Hi. Think we better
have a little talk.
Dad, I've got a guest
in the family room.
Your guest can wait.
And Kathy's waiting for me...
Uh, she can wait, too.
After you.
You've both been
behaving very badly.
And that's putting it mildly.
Can't you see what
you've been doing?
I was fighting with Greg.
But there's something
more important here.
You've involved other people.
You've been using
Warren and Kathy.
What do you mean, "using" them?
Well, you kept on seeing Warren
even after you said
he wasn't all that great.
Yeah, did he suddenly get great,
or was he the best
way to get back at Greg?
I think Warren
had the impression
that you really liked him.
MIKE: What about you, son?
Is Kathy Lawrence really
your choice for a date,
or was she just the
best thorn you could find
to put in Marcia's side?
Well, I guess
there are other
girls I'd rather see.
Can't you see
how selfish and unfair
you've been to them?
I don't know what else to say
except I'm sorry.
I am, too.
Well, don't tell
us... tell them.
MARCIA: Alice, do you know
what happened to
Warren and Kathy?
Well, like you
kids say, they split.
They must have
been pretty mad at us.
No, they didn't look mad.
In fact, they looked
kind of chummy.
What do you mean, "chummy"?
Well, he said,
"Hey, how'd you like to
go to the pizza parlor?"
And she said, "Far out."
And she said,
"How about taking me to
the carnival Friday night?"
And he said, "Far out."
He said, "So long."
And I said, "Far out."
I didn't want him to
think I wasn't on it.
With it.
With it.
How about that?
I'm really glad for them.
Me, too.
But we still have to apologize.
Let's go down to
the pizza parlor.
Far out.
( screams)
Aw, come on, who
thought that was funny?
Who's doing the
thing with the baseball?
Hey, that's kind of nice.
Oh, it's marvelous! Whee!
ALICE: Gee, that
was a great carnival.
( everyone talking excitedly)
GREG: Who wins a panda bear?
What are you going
to do with the goldfish?
Hey, you should look at it
through my magnifying glass.
You'll really think
you caught something.
Hey, Alice, you didn't
tell us what you got.
Yeah, Alice.
Oh, just a pair of those
silly kid trick handcuffs.
Marcia, I'll trade you that for
this. Come on, kids, that's enough.
Will you get the lights, Alice?
Oh, sure, Mr. Brady.
Okay, good night.
CAROL: Everybody upstairs.