02x02 - Snow Way Out & Teacher Feature

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Milo Murphy's Law". Aired: October 3, 2016 to May 2019.*
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"Milo Murphy's Law" follows 13-year-old Milo Murphy, the fictional great-great-great-great grandson of the Murphy's Law namesake.
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02x02 - Snow Way Out & Teacher Feature

Post by bunniefuu »

[theme song playing]

♪ Look at that sun
Look at that sky ♪

♪ Look at my sweater vest
I look so fly ♪

♪ Look at that mailbox
Look at that tree ♪

♪ It's about as beautiful as it can be ♪

♪ Whoa

♪ Today is gonna be exceptional ♪

♪ Never boring even for a minute ♪

♪ It's my world
And we're all livin' in it ♪

♪ Whoa, whoa ♪

♪ Never boring even for a minute ♪

♪ It's my world
And we're all livin' in it ♪

[music playing]

Hey, I like the snow suit.

Just trying to be prepared.

[panting]

You forgot your lunch.

Really? Thanks.
That's not like me.

-Oh, this is Sara's.
-Sara?

Uh, she's the...

She's the girl one,
right? Yeah, okay.

[panting] All right,
that's the last time

I go to a rave
on a school night.

So, Dr. D's still staying
with you guys?

Yup.

Anyway, it's always good
to be prepared.

Because when you're not
the chaos wins.

I'm gonna try hard
to stay confident today.

No matter what happens.

I'll just put a positive spin
on everything like you do.

-Everything?
-Sure!

For instance, if we got
sucked up by a tornado,

I could say, "Oh, nice view!"

Well, technically,
you'd have to scream that

because of the noise,
but I like your attitude.

[rumbling]

Uh, you might wanna
put on your helmet.

Oh, snap.

Here we go again!

Hmm, next time, I'm taking
the snowball to school.

[both screaming]

[barking]

[Milo] Diogee, go home!

Okay, this time,

those two are missing
first period for sure.

-I don't think so.
-Really?

Care to make another wager?

Bradley, I don't wanna
take your lunch again.

Okay, then,

loser shovels
the winner's driveway.

You had me at,
"Okay, then,

"loser shovels
the winner's driveway."

[Cavendish] All right.

[exhaling]
We mustn't panic.

[Dakota] I'm not panicking.

-You sent him the report?
-Yes.

[slurping]
I sent him the report.

And he hasn't responded?

No, he has not responded.
[slurps]

Can you stop
that incessant slurping?

Oh, I think we both know
the answer to that.

[continues slurping]

Argh!

Look, I know you're anxious
about what Block is gonna say,

but we saved the world.
Again.

Yes. But he doesn't know that.

He only knows that
we disobeyed orders "again"

and failed to save pistachios.
Again.

[slurping]

-[beeping]
-[screams]

Well, speak
of the devil.

Don't answer it!

We can't show fear.

Now is not the time
to panic.

[inhales]

[exhales]

[beeping continues]

All right. Go ahead.

[screams]

Oh, I panicked.

Oh, crap.

-[Dakota] Oh, hey, how are you doing?
-[Cavendish] Mr. Block.

You two are in big trouble!

You're going
to the Supreme Tribunal.

The Supreme Tribunal?
Okay.

Again, we mustn't panic.

I'm not panicking.

I was once a barrister
in the Queen's court

and I can defend us.

Okay, now I'm panicking a little.

♪ It doesn't matter
Whether the weather is fun ♪

♪ If we're having it together
Then we'll have a good time ♪

♪ Under heavy snow cover
Or under the sun ♪

[Zack] This is easy street compared to the
stuff we've been through.

Alien abduction,
runaway hammersaurs,

raccoons in the sewer.

Technically,
it was only one raccoon.

Singular.

Well, I have
a good feeling about this.

Not a bad one. A good one.
[laughs nervously]

♪ There's nothing ♪

♪ Like a snow day for having fun ♪

Native swords!

Medieval weaponry!

Oh, uh, tarps for sale.

A single tent-shaped tarp for sale!

♪ As long as we're moving
There's something to be true ♪

♪ On sled or skis or snow shoes
We're getting around ♪

Incoming!

Whoa!
Living the nightmare.

On the positive side
we're not dead yet.

I did say "yet"!

[Cavendish]
And so, in conclusion,

did we willfully
disobey orders?

Yes. But it was
to save all of humanity

as the chrono
video presentation

my partner has prepared
will prove. Dakota.

Well, look, you're gonna
love this next one.

And that was freshwater!

Oh, and wait, wait, wait,
what was that?

There we go.

Yeah, okay, check this out.

Boom!

I b*rned my eyebrows off
with that one.

Now! Boom!

Oh, and here is us
walking away

from expl*si*n in slow motion.

This is... This is cool.

We kind of ruined it
at the end

by looking back. Yeah.

Uh, but it was still cool.

Those are the clips you chose?

What? It's the funniest stuff.

But, you know,
it's a tough room.

[Zack] Stay positive!
Stay positive!

Stay positive! Stay positive!

Okay, we can
get to school fast

if we cut through
Coyote Woods.

Been there.
Done that. No way.

How about Incurable Snake-bite Woods?

Who's naming these woods?

So, that's a "No" then?

That's a "No."

Hey, where'd the snowball go?

[Zack] Stay positive! Stay positive!

[Mort] Look, it's Milo and Zack.

They drift at sea like
the unenlightened are drifting

in unexamined life.

Oh, bon voyage, losers.

Zip it, Bradley.

My unshoveled driveway
has your name on it.

There's a snow bank
in my backyard

with my name on it.

Chad, what did I tell you
about oversharing?

Okay. Positive spin.

-[Diogee barking]
-[Milo] Diogee, go home!

He's not supposed
to be on a barge.

Who needs positive spin

when we've got
a grappling hook?

Yeah, exactly.

Okay, stay positive. Climb.
We're climbing.

Climbing. Climb.
Stay positive.

We are positive.
Positive thoughts.

Climbing and stay positive.
Positive!

Uh-huh!
And not a Milo in sight.

He'll make it.

I hope.

The Tribunal has seen enough.

We are ready to pass judgment.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

It's easy for you to
sit up there with your robes,

your bad haircut,

and whatever that circle guy
is doing, and pass judgment.

We are judges.
That's what we do.

I know.
But you don't know what we do.

Going where you don't wanna go.

Cleaning up messes
you don't wanna clean up.

Risking our lives.
Losing our lives.

Look at this man.

Do you how many times he has laid down his
life for this job?

Crushed by steam rollers,
devoured by raccoons,

milked to death...
All for you.

You would not believe how many serious
rules I've broken

and timelines I've altered
to go back and save him.

And, uh...
[chuckles nervously]

And the defense rests.

You altered the timeline
hundreds of times?

[speaking indistinctly]

Judge Concentric Circles is correct.

Cavendish and Dakota,

you are hereby banished
from time travel for life!

What's more? We're sending
you back to the past

so I don't even
have to look at you anymore.

Yeah, maybe milked to death
was too much information.

[Diogee barking]

-[barking]
-Diogee, I told you to go home.

He's not supposed to be
in a whale's mouth.

Okay. I've been
trying to stay positive,

but we are now
inside an actual whale.

I'm scared.

Zack, it's okay.

I get plenty
scared sometimes.

But I learned
from my dad

to forge ahead
even if I'm terrified.

Wait.
So, it's okay to be afraid

as long as
I don't let it stop me?

Wow.

You hear that, fear?

You're not
stopping me.

Even though we've been stopped and
actually eaten by a whale!

[panting]

I'm impressed, Zack.

Personally,
I'm freaking out!

[clock ticking]

Twenty seconds, Melissa.

Are you still
expecting a miracle?

A miracle. Or a Milo.

[Bradley]
Behold the clock, Melissa.

Five... Four...

Three... Two...

[bell rings]

Shovel.

You brought a shovel to school?

And you didn't?

Milo didn't make it.

I can't believe it.

Where is he?

[Zack] Okay, focus
on the solution, Zack.

Maybe we can crawl out of that hole
in the top of its head?

Zack, we're not
living in a cartoon.

Okay. What about
your backpack?

Um, some bungee cords,
a car tire jack,

a hammock...

-[Diogee barking]
-Ah, an inner tube.

Good boy, Diogee.

I've got an idea.

I saw this in a movie once.

Krill Hunter :
Krilling Me Softly.

It is not wide enough.

It'll have to be!

[Diogee barking]

Uh, the jack's gonna give!

I guess it's now or never.

Whoo, made it.

Oops!

I'm pretty sure
this one was already loose.

Whoo!
We almost hit the U.F...

O.

[speaking alien language]

-Look...
-[sighing sadly]

Cavendish, I'm sorry.
I just...

Ah, what are you
gonna do?

Come on, buddy,
bring it in.

-That's it. Let it out there, buddy.
-[sobbing]

[Milo] Oh, hi, guys.

Murphy.

Of course.

Well, that was exciting.
No spin needed.

Looks like we officially
missed first bell.

You guys wouldn't mind taking us back five
minutes, would you?

Well, unfortunately,

we've been banned
from time-travel.

What? Why?

-Long story.
-Yeah, we've been banned.

But they haven't.

Milo didn't make it.

I can't believe it.

Twenty seconds, Melissa.

Are you still
expecting a miracle?

A miracle. Or a Milo.

Behold the clock, Melissa.

Five... Four...

-Three...
-[Milo] What are you guys counting down?

[bell rings]

[stammering]

Wait. How did you get here?

Simple. Positive thinking.

Boom!

♪ It's my world
And we're all livin' in it ♪

[music playing]

[whistling]

Mildred?

Mildred?

-[truck starting]
-Mildred!

Mildred [crying]!

[crying]

I'm sorry, Mildred.

[continues crying]
I'm sorry!

[music playing]

Remember, when using
dangerous chemicals

safety first,
and second, and third.

Way ahead of you.

[glass clinking]

[liquid bubbling]

My desk!

[screaming]

Ow! Desk?

Desk!

[screaming]

Well, that takes care
of dinner.

Oh, my! You saved me.

Did I?

Well, in that case
let's get you out of here.

Oh, my. [chuckling]
Thank you, kind sir.

[all cheering]

He was so solid and strong

like a well-built desk.

My desk!

Whoop! I almost
dropped its drawers.

Ah, you're my hero.

I... I don't know if this is
the adrenaline talking,

but would you like to have
dinner tomorrow night?

Oh, I have dinner
'most every night.

I mean, with me?

Sure. Why not?

-See you tomorrow night.
-[water plopping]

[laughs heartily]

Oh, uh, class dismissed.

[all cheering]

Uh, Miss Murawski,
we're supposed to have an exam?

Mmm, you gotta
get out more, girlfriend.

Okay, that was weird.

Scott the undergrounder on a date?

Maybe we could find someone
to coach Scott a little.

About dating
and the surface world.

Good idea. Let's go.

No. We're the last people
to give dating advice.

As a teenager I'm a self-appointed expert
on everything.

Can't argue with that.

Children of the overland!

Hey, Scott. We came to help you get ready
for your big date.

But, uh, I'm already ready already.

See? This is my good poncho.

Sansa!

See, Scott. See, right there.
That's a "not ready."

Surface people
rarely name their clothes.

Really? Tell me more.

Yeah, not everyone
lives below ground,

eats rats, and combs weird,
fake sheep like that.

Miss Murawski,
for example,

likes sunshine
and clean air and bathing.

Wow, looks like
I have a lot to learn

about surface dwelling customs.

Don't worry.
We got you covered.

Welcome, contestant,
to the surface dweller game show.

Just throw out
as many answers as you can

as fast as you can.

Main things you might
bring on a date.

Tic Tacs. Soil. A rat?


Pass, pass, pass.

Okay, pass. How would
you finish this compliment:

"Wow! You have
such lovely blank."

Bone density?
Bacteria. Milk!

Look, guys,
as much fun as this is...

-Escalator!
-And it is fun.

I don't think you can cram

a lifetime's worth of social
intelligence into one evening.

She's right. We should
just stage a mock date

and see how he does.

♪ We can all agree ♪

♪ He'll never be the height of fashion ♪

♪ And that's why it's a chore ♪

♪ Just teaching him
Basic social interaction ♪

♪ He's a serious fixer-upper ♪

♪ It might be cool
But it's not wrong ♪

♪ And we know he's been down
For oh, so long ♪

♪ But he's coming up ♪

♪ Quite literally ♪

♪ He's coming up
From underground ♪

♪ He's coming up ♪

♪ And now for better or worse ♪

♪ He's ready to paint that town ♪

♪ He's got a good heart
And that's a start ♪

♪ But his mind's a bit unsound ♪

♪ And we're not lying
He's really trying ♪

♪ And so nothing's gonna
Keep him down ♪

♪ He's coming up ♪

-Diogee, go home.
-[barks]

Oh, I don't care.

[Scott]
Okay, guys, I think I'm ready.

You're not wearing
poncho Sansa, right?

[Scott] No,
it's an entirely new outfit.

You're gonna love it.

[music playing on radio]

I wanna make
a good first impression.

What do you think?

-Oh, Scott...
-Okay, that's not quite it.

Scott.

We talked about this.

-Scott?
-Huh? Huh?

Scott? Okay.

-Scott.
-Just...

[all speaking indistinctly]

-Okay, Scott.
-Why won't he stop?

You're freaking me out.

Oh, thank goodness,
the tape broke.

-Oh, my gosh, he's not stopping.
-Scott?

He's not stopping.

-He's not stopping!
-Scott!

[all] Scott!

What? Too formal?

No. I think we're looking
at a total makeover.

♪ He's coming up ♪

♪ He's coming up
There'll be no doubt ♪

♪ He's coming up ♪

♪ He's coming up and he's going out ♪

♪ He's coming up
And he's going out tonight ♪

♪ He's coming up ♪

What a lovely night!
You look beautiful?

Why, thank you, Scott.

You cleaned up
pretty nice yourself.

[crickets chirping]

Sorry, it's been a while.

My last date
was with a milk carton...

-[bell dinging]
-Your carriage awaits, guv'nor. What?

Oh, my!

How fancy!

So, Scott,

where are we
headed tonight?

To eat. But not rat.

Oh, you mean those
little rat trap restaurants

where all the tables
are cramped together?

I hate those, too.

No. [chuckling] I mean,
normally for dinner

I would catch and eat
a great big...

Oh! Uh, for you.

Oh! [chuckling]
They're lovely.

You like things that grow?

We have lots of things
that grows down in the sewers.

Here, I brought some.

Oh, uh, thank you.

I hear the stars
will be beautiful tonight.

-Oh, you don't say.
-[loud thudding]

Guess we walk
from here, guv'nor.

Pip, pip,
bangers and mash.

[Murawski] So,
have you been here before?

Me? No.

I rarely venture out
of subterranous...

Ow! Oh, I mean, no.

It will be a surprise
for both of us.

So far so good.

Bonsoir. Good evening
and welcome to the... Whoa!

Argh! Oh!
Get 'em off of me!

Get it off of me!

That might be a problem.

Where is our waiter?

Bon soir, senor and senorita.

Welcomen in Anna's Restorante.
Konichiwa.

Ooh, a foreign place.

Ooh, how fancy!

[laughing] May I get you
something to drink.

Uh, just the hose is fine.

Argh! I mean,
water for me.

In a cup, like a person.

You know what?
It's a special occasion.

I'll have your
best sparkling soda.

[laughing and grunting]
Oh, what the heck!

And for your main course
may I suggest steak?

You mean, like, from a cow?

[chuckling] Okay.

And how would you
like that prepared?

Uh, not grilled on a toilet.

-[thumping]
-I mean, grilled on a toilet.

I mean, cooked in an oven.

Mmm, ah! Medium well.

-Very good, sir.
-Make that two.

You know, his oddly
non-specific foreign accent

reminds me of that movie
that just came out.

Vaguely European.
[inhales] I wanna see that.

Well, let's do it.
I can take you there.

I shall be your leader!

Danger level alpha. Repeat.

The bird has left the roost.

It's not that easy, Helena.

Oh, free gum!

...the life of a miner.

I've lived
so long underground.

The mines call to me.

I must go back to the mines.

Seeing this movie

makes me feel something
about who I am

and where I might belong.

It's stirring something
inside me.

[burping] Oh, no!
It's just gas.

I'm fine, everybody.
I'm good.

We didn't prep for a movie.

It's a movie, Zack.

They sit quietly,

not talking or facing each other.

-This is better.
-You're right. What could go wrong?

Oh, right.

It's just a speaker.

And a support beam.

And the ceiling.

And here comes the stores
from the mall above.

And some rock walls.

Oh, I like
that pet store.

Well, yeah. That's another
boulder from the floor.

And that's...
Yeah, okay, maybe you're right.

-Hey, I know some of those bats.
-[woman screaming]

Help!

Uh-oh. Overlanders in danger.

No.

He's got this.

[upbeat music playing]

Oh, hi, kids.

Are you guys okay?

Sure,
but how about you?

How was your date?

Right this way, ma'am.

Tonight I saw
a man of courage,

compassion,
and ingenuity.

-Great.
-That's awesome.

So, you're gonna
see him again?

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

He lives underground.

He has to specify
not to cook things on toilets.

He's a wacko.

A brave wacko, but a wacko.

Besides, I think a person
only has room

for one true love
in their heart.

Thanks for a memorable
evening, Scott.

Sure thing.

-Are you okay, Scott?
-Oh, I'm delightful.

But I don't think
I'm quite ready

for the surface
world yet.

See you in the sewers.

[whistling]

Well, I guess you can put
a suit on an undergrounder,

but that doesn't
make him a desk.

Yeah. That's what
we learned here.

Okay, Cynthia.
Welcome to Casa de Scott.

It's not much, but... [gasps]

Mildred?

Well, this is awkward.

♪ Go, Milo
Go, Milo, go! ♪

♪ Oh, thanks, everybody
That is so motivational ♪

♪ Go, Milo
Go, Milo, go! ♪

♪ Whoa ♪

♪ I'm not sitting here
Watching the world turn ♪

♪ You know I'd rather spin it ♪

♪ Go, Milo
Go, Milo, go! ♪

♪ It's my world
And we're all livin' in it ♪
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