02x04 - Game Night & Pace Makes Waste

[bunniefuu]

♪ Look at that sun
Look at that sky ♪

♪ Look at my sweater vest
I look so fly ♪

♪ Look at that mailbox
Look at that tree ♪

♪ It's about as beautiful as it can be ♪

♪ Whoa

♪ Today is gonna be exceptional ♪

♪ Never boring even for a minute ♪

♪ It's my world
And we're all livin' in it ♪

♪ Whoa, whoa ♪

♪ Never boring even for a minute ♪

♪ It's my world
And we're all livin' in it ♪

[upbeat rock music playing]

[Brigette] Hot dogs,
chicken dogs, soy dogs.

Check, check,
and no thank you.

Let's do this.

[dramatic music playing]

[Melissa] Good luck.

So, what do we do
to the inevitable expl*si*n?

We could play
a board game.

Ah, the spirit of crushing your enemies
and seeing them driven before you.

-I'm in.
-Okay, there is one thing.

Murphy's law.

You see, we've started
lots of board games.

We even tried
to play cards once

and it did not go well.

You got any threes?

[crashing]

I have never finished
a board game.

-Well, that sounds...
-Dangerous.

But I'm hungry and it's making me
reckless so let's do it.

Game night is go!

[man singing]
♪ Game night ♪

[barking]

So, all we need is a game that has most of
its pieces still intact.

[barking]

Here's one called Pointless Pursuit.
It's empty.

This one is called Mind Games.

What's this?

"We know what you've done."

[gasps]

So I think Panopoly is out.

-Next contestant.
-Look at this.

Lard World.

The officially licensed board game

and it's never been opened.

That game's easy. It should be a cinch to
finish before Murphy's law hits.

Everything's in here.
It even has a little spinner.

-[cat screeching]
-[car tires skidding]

Maybe we can play
using dice instead.

There's gotta be dice in one
of these other games.

Huh, none in
here either.

Wait, there's
one more box.

Ah, but it's called No Dice.

Wow, No Dice is full of dice.

There isn't even a game board
in here.

-[raccoon screeching]
-It's just a bunch of...

♪ You've seen him before
You're gonna see him soon ♪

♪ He's Recurring Raccoon ♪

Yep. I knew he'd be back.

Now what are we gonna do for dice?

Wait a minute. Those bulky tissue boxes
give me an idea.

The rules are simple.

You just have to escape
Lard World and get home

which will save
the multiverse

and win the gratitude of the spaghetti
people from another dimension...

Apparently.

Weird game.

Hey g*ng! What's the...
[gasps] Wait!

Are you guys actually playing an actual
board game, actually?

What's so unusual about that?

-Milo's never finished a board game.
-Yet.

Come on, Neal, from the comic shop.
You guys wanna play?

-Yeah. I get to be the Lard Goat.
-I'm Lard Lamb.

I'm the Lard Arbiter
of Good Taste.

What's that all about?

Really? And you didn't have
a problem with the spaghetti people

from another dimension.

Whoo! I get to be Lardy Boy.

I'm the banker, I'm the banker.
I control everything.

Free will is an illusion
propagated by the bourgeoisie.

[Diogee panting]

[Milo] Aw, look, Diogee wants to play.

Can dogs play Lard World?

Let's see, prohibited mammals,
hamsters, monkeys, raccoons, sloths,

otters, pigs, and zebras.

Nope. Dogs are okay.

-You're in, Diogee.
-[barking]

Four, five, six.

"You're stuck
in a lard swamp."

I feel like I'm disappointing the
spaghetti people from another dimension

but I'm okay with it.

We're off to a great start, g*ng.

[Martin] Brigette, I finally
got the grill lit.

[Milo] Lardy Boy!

[Zack] It's just a game piece.
Why does it have a skeleton?

I knew this econo tub of baking soda would
come in handy one day.

Hey! Check it out.

It only b*rned
the beginning of the game.

Does anybody remember
where we were?

I do.
I have a semi-photographic memory.

It's really only useful for
things like board games

and remembering
where you parked.

That is so cute.

Yeah, I'm next to a tree.

So, I guess pizza?

I'll call Veronica.

I believe I was on this
burn mark right here.

Oh, wow!

You guys are actually trying to play
a board game, really?

I think it's time.

I think it's time too, slugger.

You know what, kids?

I really admire
your gumption.

-Gumption?
-Slugger?

Hmm, touche!

Well, other than the big expl*si*n,
how did the grilling go?

It depends.
How well done do you like your soy dogs?

You lost me at soy dogs.

Yeah, me too.

[man reading]

[man sighs]

[continues reading]

Snake eyes, one, two...

"Crow like a lard rooster."

Ha. Start crowing.

[imitating rooster crowing]

Yeah, you don't know
everything about me.

We're gonna do it.
We're gonna finish the game.

We need your table.

Hey, wait!

[dramatic music playing]

Another job well done.

Is that a black hole?

Heavens, no!

That is a deadly vortex.

-Completely different.
-Yeah, we plugged it up though.

Why did you have
to use our table?

Well, Cavendish told me
we needed a four by six object,

preferably flat, table-like,

and this was the first table
I thought of

which makes me feel sort of silly because
we passed like four furniture stores

on the way over here.

We're about to finish
playing Lard World.

We'll use this as a table.

-Wanna play?
-Oh, sure but...

He cheats at games.

If you roll doubles, you get another turn.

Oh, here we go again.

[Milo] Here, pick
a playing piece.

Tell you what,
I'll be the old gum.

Is that a game piece?

It is now.

-[Milo] So, where were we?
-[Diogee barks]

Okay, everyone,
I called Veronica.

So the pizzas should
be here, any minute.

-Well, guess I better get ready.
-[tires screeching]

[CRASHING]

[crashing]

♪ Here's your pizza
We're tired of bangers and mash ♪

Hey, Veronica!

Hey, Milo!

Did you guys know there was a black hole
above your house?

Actually, it's a deadly vortex.

Apparently, they look a lot alike.

Oh!

Game night!

-Wanna play?
-Next time.

I'm on the clock.
Bye, see you later.

-Bye, Veronica...
-[Brigette] Bye! Thanks again.

Grab it while
it's warm, kids.

Great, who's hungry?

[crashing]

Oh, hi, Neal
from the comic shop!

Oh, hey, everyone's here.

Do you know an letter word for
something that's not important?

How about "unimportant"?

Let's see, , , , ...
That's it!

Excellent.

[cat screeching]

[rooster clucking]

[Doofenshmirtz]
See you at dinner.

Oh, no!

We got so close.

Game's over.
We can't play without a board.

Let's eat.

Yes, exactly.

Everyone, grab a slice.

We don't have
to stop playing.

We can make our own board.

We'll start with
the cardboard from this box.

Follow me to the garage.

All we need to do is

use these other pieces to fill in the part
between here and Lard World.

We'll make a new game
from the old ones

and finish that game.

Game night!

[all] Game night!

[guitar music playing]

♪ Well, it's game night ♪

♪ It's time to crush our enemies ♪

♪ It's game night ♪

♪ It's driven before you ♪

There's also, family togetherness.

♪ Well, yeah, there's that
But we don't wanna bore you ♪

♪ We'll have to throw out the rules ♪

♪ But it will be all right ♪

♪ 'Cause it's game night ♪

♪ Game night ♪

♪ 'Cause it's game night ♪

♪ Game night ♪

What's that?

Rock, paper, Murphy's law.

Murphy's law
beats everything.

It's probably why I'm so good
at rock paper scissors.

Uh-oh, frog mask!

Heh, weird game.

Arr, walk the plank
with your right hand.

Right hand. Argh.

You didn't do it
in a pirate voice.

I certainly did.
Pirates were often privateers,

highly educated gentlemen
working for the crown. Argh!

I'll allow it because I'm the banker.
Boom!

There, huzzah!

[growling]

Yeah, you don't wanna get too close to
Diogee's game piece.

I'm gonna win.

But first, it's time for the perpetual
motion machine chance card bonus.

[game bell dings]

Go back spaces?

But the board only had spaces

and of those
have been b*rned off.

Sara, no!

I can't play this without you.

You can, Milo,
and you will.

You must finish the game

at all costs.

[coughs] Finish the game.

I won't let you down, Sara.

And I won't give up on everything that we
fought so hard to achieve.

[clattering]

Protect the board!

Defend it with your life.

This is it, Milo,
we're almost to the end.

We're all just
one roll away.

The finish line is
in our sights.

I can taste it.

Does it taste like old gum,
'cause I can't find my game piece.

I just want you all to know,
win or lose,

how much fun I'm having
with all of you here.

Maybe we should play
game night all the...

Should we stop?

Probably, I mean, they don't call it a
deadly vortex for nothing.

But Milo's never been
this close to finishing the game.

Any game.

Ever!

Maybe this was enough.

Maybe we don't have to finish.

No, you've come too far.

Everybody roll your dice.

[all screaming]

Well, I guess that vortex
wasn't as deadly as I thought it was.

Hey, you guys, we did it.

We actually
finished the game.

-But who won?
-The dog won.

-I think he cheats.
-[growls]

Milo, does it
really matter who won?

You're right.
It doesn't matter who wins or loses.

The important thing is that
we finished the game

and that we won the gratitude
of the spaghetti people.

Does anyone know how to get back
to our dimension?

♪ It's my world
And we're all living in it ♪

Wow, Mr. and Mrs. Murphy.

I can't believe you organized
this whole race.

And all the money goes to a new shelter
for all the stray llamas in town.

You know our slogan, "When you spend a
dollar, it helps a llama."

I know it doesn't technically
rhyme but it's still catchy.

On that note, honey, we have to get down
to the concession booth.

Oh, that's right.

Those llama plushies
won't sell themselves.

Well, except for Brohama,
the talking sales llama.

He actually can sell himself.

[Brohama] Get a llama for your mama.

Oh, he's good.
And that actually does rhyme.

Okay, we better go.

[phone ringing]

Ah, it's Doof. Yello!

[Doofenshmirtz]
Oh, hi, Martin.

I just wanted to find out,
that yellow liquid in the refrigerator,

is it shampoo?

No Doof, it's not shampoo.

'Cause it tastes like shampoo.

How would you know
what shampoo tastes like?

I usually shower with
my mouth open, things happen.

It's lemonade.

Oh, good,
'cause I finished it.

Okay, that's goodbye.

Why is he living with us again?

[Brigette] I don't know,
it's convoluted.

Wow!

I can't believe we're gonna
sit in the sky box.

That is totally steep.

I mean literally.

The stairs to the box
are sharply inclined.

It's so great that all these famous race
car drivers wanted to help out.

You would be surprised by the amount of
llama awareness there is

in the stock car community.

I am llama.

I am llama.

[all] We are llama.

[announcer] So support
the llama relief fund.

The change you give
will change their lives.

But not that much because,
you know, they're llamas.

Stop, Milo!

You cannot be at this stadium.
You are a danger, a hazard, a menace,

a peril, and several other synonyms.

Back off, Elliot. Milo has as much right
to be here as anyone.

More, his mom
organized this.

Besides, I can't leave.

It's Diogee's first race.

[panting]

Well, I wouldn't wanna
disappoint a dog.

[announcer] Ladies and gentlemen,
racing legend, Rusty Wallace.

Welcome to the first ever
Llama Race-o-rama.

Are you ready to save
some llamas?

[man] Save them from what?
What happened to the llamas?

Great! To start the race,

the safety car will
lead the drivers on the warm-up lap.

And one lucky member of the audience will
now be chosen to ride along.

Ride in the safety car?

The car whose whole purpose is safety?

[chuckling] Oh, please, let it be me.

Oh, please, please, please,
please, please, please!

And the winner is,

Milo Murphy.

Hey, that's me!
Unless there's another Milo.

Is there another
Milo Murphy here?

[crowd] No!

Whoo-hoo!

Milo in the safety car,
that's ironic.

Oh, I wanted that so bad.

Actually, I know someone
who wants this a lot more than me.

So, I'm giving my ticket
to Elliot Decker.

Wow! That's awful nice of you.

Elliot Decker, you're riding
in the safety car.

Come on down.

[laughs excitedly]

[groans] Wait, hold on.

I got it, I got it!

Whoo-hoo!

Okay, then. Let's just get
a picture of you and Milo

in front of
the safety car.

Ah!

Wait, do you want a profile or should I
cheat out a little to the left?

Oh, how about
' s music video style?

That's, uh, great.

Milo, why don't you
just get on the other side?

-[squawks]
-Hey, my hot dog!

Uh, that's just as well.

When eaten improperly,
it can be a choking hazard.

[squawking]

[siren blaring]

You'll never get me
in a million years!

This thing's been going
for weeks!

A hot dog?
Perfect, I'm starving.

[whooshes]

Okay, guys. It's time to bring in
the pace car driver.

Safety car. Well, it's also
called the pace car.

Safety car.

[tires screeching]

Hey, my lunch is in there!

This is all your fault!

You have violated the sanctity
of the safety car

which I wouldn't even be in if it hadn't
been for your generosity.

So I'm thankful,
but I'm still angry.

I'm so conflicted!

Well, the pace car is going.
I guess we ought to get started.

[announcer] Ladies and gentlemen,
this is crazy.

It's bizarre, it's erratic,
it's several other synonyms.

I've never seen
anything like this.

Maybe it's because
I'm wearing these crazy glasses.

Whoa! The race
is weird, too.

Oh!

[both] Ahhh!

[Rusty Wallace] This is the wildest
warm-up lap I've ever taken.

Well, no cars,
no blah-blah-blah.

But you can't
just leave.

You're right!
My goggles.

Oh. Excuse me, ma'am.

By the way, you feel like a wall.
You should have that checked.

[crowd booing]

Oh, this is not good.

Now everyone's gonna
ask for their money back.

And then they won't be
able to build the llama shelter!

And there will be llamas
roaming the streets.

[woman] I want my money back!

[man] Let the llamas
roam the streets.

We've got to do something!

I'm gonna announce the race.

But you can't
see the race!

I can sort of
see the race.

And I'm gonna announce the heck out of
what I sorta can see.

Ladies and gentlemen, and the racers are
driving down the street

and they're passing
some sort of shop.

Maybe a market, could be a car wash! Hard
to tell from this distance.

And one of the drivers
is pulling over to the s...

No, that's a delivery truck.

And now they're passing
behind a big sign,

and I can't see them.

And I still can't see them.

And I still can't see them.

[man] You're a sub-standard announcer.

I don't think you should
leave this booth for a while.

You got any better ideas?

I could tap into the video feed from
the Lard World blimp.

[Zack] Oh, you can do that?

That would have been
nice information to share earlier.

And they're coming around
the turn at th and Main,

and the red car is trying to make his move
on the blue car with a dig.

And blue shuts him out!

Incredible driving
by the blue car.

Okay, Elliot, remember,
control, control, control.

[whimpers]

Get it under control...

[Elliot whimpers]

[crowd booing]

Oh, come on!

Sorry, Elliot, but I think we're stuck in
here until that rocket burns out.

We might as well relax
and enjoy the ride.

Enjoy the ride?
Enjoy the ride?

You know what enjoying
the ride leads to.

-Fun?
-Danger!

And I will not be taking any suggestion
from a Murphy.

-Turn left!
-I just said I'm not taking any...

Okay, turning!

Phew! Thanks for that.

You just turned right.

[Elliot screaming]

This is crazy.

Where are they getting
all this stuff?

Get your expired vegetables
to throw at lame announcers!

We gotta get that
video feed back up.

They were headed
down Broadway.

That's where that new
hipster donut shop is!

If you want a donut, I'm pretty sure
there's one stuck to the window.

No, the shop
has a webcam!

[all cheering]

[rock music playing]

♪ If you're in a
Motor sporting event ♪

♪ Then you've already
Got your parents' consent ♪

♪ You need a vehicle
That's gonna prevent ♪

♪ Any unnecessary accident ♪

♪ To protect the other
Cars in the race ♪

♪ There's only one
That's gonna live it the best ♪

Keep at it, kids.
You'll have our job in no time.

Hey, speak for yourself, Jones.

Come on!

Whoo!

♪ The safety car
The safety car ♪

♪ If you ain't following me
You don't know where you are ♪

♪ You better keep me in your thoughts
Or you will start to lapse ♪

♪ That's the only way
You're gonna see the yellow flag ♪

♪ If you wanna put
A trophy up there on your shelf ♪

♪ You better check yourself
Before you wreck yourself ♪

Hey, I just painted that!

[screams]

Uh, should we slow down here?

Who are you? And what have you done with
Ricky Stenhouse Jr.?

You're right.
What was I thinking?

Whoo-hoo!

You think this is fun?

Yeah! We went on
a roller coaster,

we went underground,
and we spun a UFO like it was a top.

-We did?
-And I think we're gonna do it again.

Whoo-hoo!

♪ S-A-F-E-T-Y C-A-R ♪

♪ Safety car, safety car ♪

♪ S-A-F-E-T-Y C-A-R ♪

♪ Safety car, safety car ♪

[whimpers]

Are you laughing
or crying?

I don't know.

Get a llama for your mama.

The drivers have
completed their, um,

warm-up lap and the race
can now officially begin.

And the drivers all
appear to be out of gas?

I didn't want to b*at you, anyway.
You're my friend.

Now we can all be winners.

Murphy! That was...

awesome! [chuckles]

We flew through the air,
and on a roller coaster

and underground,
and we're still alive!

That was,
dare I say, fun!

You're right, Elliot.

Sometimes, it's important
to relax and enjoy the...

Ow! My toe!

See what happens
when you relax?

Medic!
I need a medic!

♪ It's my world
and we're all livin' in it ♪

♪ Go, Milo
Go, Milo, go ♪

♪ Oh, thanks, everybody
That is so motivational ♪

♪ Go, Milo
Go, Milo, go ♪

♪ Whoa ♪

♪ I'm not sitting here
Watching the world turn ♪

♪ You know I'd rather spin it ♪

♪ Go, Milo
Go, Milo, go ♪

♪ It's my world
And we're all livin' in it ♪