02x10 - Dog Walker, Runner, Screamer & Now I Am a Murphy

[bunniefuu]

[theme music playing]

♪ Look at that sun
Look at that sky ♪

♪ Look at my sweater vest
I look so fly ♪

♪ Look at that mailbox
Look at that tree ♪

♪ It's about as beautiful as it can be ♪

♪ Whoa

♪ Today is gonna be exceptional ♪

♪ Never boring even for a minute ♪

♪ It's my world
And we're all livin' in it ♪

♪ Whoa, whoa ♪

♪ Never boring even for a minute ♪

♪ It's my world
And we're all livin' in it ♪

Okay everyone, we're not gonna have
any accidents today.

Everybody's just gonna
stay safe and...

-[duck quacking]
-Whoa! Duck Alert.

[Elliot] Back!
Back, you foul beast!

And I mean foul in
both senses of the word.

Hey! Hey, you kids!
Stop that.

You're gonna put
somebody's eye out.

With a football?

Football's a very dangerous sport.

-You'll never know what could...
-[Chad] Head's up, guys.

Agh! Give me that.

You can't just go
tossing this thing around

when Milo is standing
right over there...

[whistle blows]

Are you okay, Elliot?

[Elliot] No. I injured my...
Well, I guess my everything.

Honestly, this is the absolute worst job
for a well-dressed gentleman.

Yeah, well maybe you should take that hat
off when you come to work.

This hat is the only thing that keeps me
from looking like a complete heathen.

Nice hat!

Thank you!

See? That could have
been a disaster.

Hey, where do you think
this thing came from?

Hmm, I have no idea.

Why do you suppose
it's glowing?

I don't know,
maybe it's radioactive.

Good heavens!
Here! You take it.

-Oh, no way. You take it!
-Get that thing away from me!

Nuh-uh! Finders keepers!

Well, you're the one who found it!

Hey! It's making us float.

Why is it causing us
to levitate?

I don't know, but look at me!
Look at me! I'm an astronaut.

We've just discovered
an unidentified alien object

with anti-gravity properties.

Oh! I feel
like Sir Isaac Newton.

Anti-gravity? Wouldn't that make you the
opposite of Sir Isaac Newton?

Whoa!

Oh surprise. This feels
even grosser than it looks.

That wasn't space trash.
It's something far, far more important.

With this discovery,
we'll finally get big promotions.

We have to catch it.

Yeah, I might also be
sitting on a rat.

[Milo] I'm sorry
you got hurt, Elliot.

Just so you know,
all the ducks are perfectly fine.

Oh, great.
Kick me when I'm down.

Is there a reason
you're here?

Is there anything I can do
to help you out?

Aside from moving
to another state?

[laughs]

Oh, you're not kidding.

Actually, there is
one thing you can do.

But you can't mess it up.

Great! What is it?

Well, I have a side job
as a dog walker.

And it's very important to me.

Especially since it's the only job
that actually pays me.

So you want me
to walk them for you?

I love dogs!
And dogs love me!

You just need
to pick them up after school

and take them to the dog park
to play "Fetch".

Easy-peasy Pekingese! Mmm?

Yeah, dog joke. Good one.

You rest up and
I'll take care of it.

But remember to wear shorts because
Beauregard likes to chew on pant legs.

Beauregard chews pant legs.
Got it.

Well, that was weird.

Milo was here
and nothing bad...

[screams]
Okay, there it is.

[pop music playing]

[dog whines]

[barks]

[barks]

[dogs barking and playing]

[burps]

[whistles]

Would you like to watch
some non-functional TV?

[grunts]

We got it!

What do you mean 'we'?
It looks like it's... mostly me over here.

Whoa! Oh!

Oh, good job.
Hold on to it, Dakota!

Yes, I'd like
to speak to Mr. Block.

Fine. I can hold.

[Dakota screaming]

[Cavendish] Oh, hello, sir!

Something remarkable
has happened

while we were
picking up trash.

We found a small glow...
Excuse me?

Oh. Oh, yes.
Oh. I'll hold.

[Dakota] Ow, my eye! Ow! Ow!

You know, it's kinda peaceful
without Elliot yelling at us

to be careful not to
put our eyes out!

[cellphone dings]

Hold on, I got a text.

It's from Milo.

Hey, what the heck, man?

I don't think
that was a car.

Keep your head down
or we'll get replaced by a human.

See, that's ironic because
we are taking humans jobs.

I understood the sarcasm.

What do you think I am, a Model ?

[both laugh]

k*ll the humans.

Such a beautiful, quiet day.

It's almost like
nothing can go wrong.

[forklift beeping]

Oh! Guys... guys, my boulder.

[all scream]

Uh-oh.

No! No! Please don't put me
on hold again, I...

[Muzak playing]

[screaming]

Cavendish? Dakota?

This is new.

[Dakota] Milo, help!

Hang on, guys!
I have an idea.

[whistles]

Beauregard! Pant leg!

[grunts]

[Milo] Whoa!

[dogs barking]

No! This mongrel has me
by the hem.

Unjaw me, beast!

[beeps]

[Dakota and Cavendish yell]

Wow!

[dog whines]

Hey, what's that thing?

[Cavendish] That is the culprit that
caused all of this kerfuffle.

Come on, Dakota!
Let's get this thing home

and call Mr. Block immediately!

Okay, guys, see ya later!
Thanks for the lift!

Get it? 'Cause you...

Yeah they didn't...
they didn't get it.

Okay, that was weird
even for me.

Hello, gentlemen!
What's up?

We have wonderful news for you.

While we were cleaning up garbage for
P.I.G., we came upon this!

It's an alien sphere with anti-gravity
properties! Watch!

Yeah.
That's a silver baseball.

[stammers]

Oh, you two just keep
trying, don't you?

You know the only way
you can become full agents

is to discover
an alien species

or alert us to alien activity
that we don't already see.

[laughs]
And we have eyes everywhere!

Thanks for the laugh, though.
You guys are hilarious.

[whimpers]

Well, Diogee, that was
an eventful day, wasn't it?

I'm gonna tell Elliot
about our job well done.

Milo? What happened?
Do I still have a job?

[Milo] Relax.
Everything's fine.

We had a wonderful day
at the dog park

and all of the dogs
have been returned home.

Really? Everything's fine?
Amazing!

I never thought I'd say this,
Milo, but thank you.

Anything for a friend, Elliot.

Well, how about that?
Milo did it.

He actually saved my job.

Maybe things are changing for the...

No. Back, you foul beast!

I mean it both ways!

-[duck quacks]
-[Elliot screams]

And you, Diogee,
thank you for helping me out.

I know you looked like
you weren't having fun

but deep down,
I think you had a good day.

[clicks tongue]

♪ It's my world
And we're all livin' in it ♪

Nose guards, head guards,
shin guard, helmet.

Now where is my
nasal philtrum guard?

[squeaks]

What in the world?

[ethereal music playing]

"Ethereal Music Mix" tape?

What is this boom box
even doing here?

Milo, stop!

Oh, thank goodness,
you're safe.

Now we can go downstairs
and forget that we even have an attic.

Mom, what's going on?

You usually only
get this nervous when you remember

that I'm gonna get
a driver's license in three years.

Three years.
Only three years.

Honey, maybe we
should tell him.

Do you think he's ready?

I think it's time he knew.

Knew what?

Ooh! Ooh!
Am I really an alien?

'Cause that would be
so cool!

Wouldn't it? Maybe you'd have a bunch
of gross tentacles.

Like... [vocalizing]

Yeah! Or three heads!

Like... [vocalizing]

Boys!

He'd totally also have
antenna like... [beeping]

I'm an alien.
I am an alien.

[laughs] Seriously, Dad.
What's with the boom box?

Milo, when a Murphy lad
comes of age

there is an ancient ritual to help the boy
along the road to adulthood.

You found the secret boom box.

I think that's a sign
that you are ready.

Ancient ritual? Weren't boom boxes
invented in the ' s?

Yeah, well, I guess
it's not that ancient.

So what happens
on this ritual?

I can't tell you the details,
but I can tell you this...

It'll be scarier than anything
in your entire life!

[ethereal music playing]

[laughs] Sorry!

Now, you men be
careful out there.

With three Murphys,
what could go wrong?

That was supposed to be
a rhetorical question.

So where are we going, Dad?

Your grandfather and I are going to take
you out into the wilderness

just like every father has done since
the very first Murphy.

[creaking]

Isn't that right?

-I remember like it was yesterday...
-This whole Murphy ritual...

-taking your dad on this very same trip
-is bunch of malarkey.

Course, he got carsick on the way.
Might have been some bad oysters...

I forgot to bring
my needlepoint armadillo.

Gosh, Dad, why do we need
all this stuff?

Because who knows
what we'll find at...

Dead Man's Bluff?

[humming dramatically]

Are we really going to a place called
"Dead Man's Bluff"?

[humming dramatically]

That's right.
It's going to be scary, right, Dad?

-So scary that you're going...
-Will you two quit trying to scare Milo?

...to shiver like
a cow wearing bathing trunks.

You're going
out there a boy,

but when you return,
you'll be a man.

Cool! Then I can get
a driver's license.

Only three years.

[humming dramatically]

Sara out.

Seems like only yesterday
I was taking you on your...

Wow, is this what my voice sounds like
without Grandma talking over me?

I don't like it.

So where exactly are we going?

We're taking you to the spot where
Jebediah Murphy,

the very first Murphy,
took his son Obediah.

Legend has it that no one's ever
made it out of there alive.

What about you and Dad?

You know, Jebediah Murphy
never questioned his elders.

[sighs] Nothing falling.

Nothing exploding.

So peaceful.

Is this what my voice sounds like without
Grandpa talking over it?

Well, I don't like it.

Hey, why don't we all go somewhere
together? Just us Murphy gals.

Oh, that sounds great.
Count me in!

Doofenshmirtz.
Don't you have something else to do?

Nah, I was just gonna organize
my old-inator hammock.

Oh, look. This one
makes everything smell

like the inside
of a Halloween mask.

Well, it would be rude
to say no, so...

Oooh, goody.
Included by obligation.

I'll take it!

♪ And the wall falls down
And the wall hits a tree ♪

♪ And the tree hits a pole,
And the pole hits a bee ♪

♪ And that's how you know
You're a Murphy! ♪

[rumble]

Whoa, whoa.

[Martin] And getting a flat
is another way to tell.

Luckily there is a spare
in the trunk.

Well, there was.

And there it goes.

Yup, looks like
we're walking.

[Grandma]
Oh, isn't this delightful?

[Sara] What do you think, Dr. D?

Looks like Jackson Pollock
threw up on a Picasso.

Anybody can make
modern art these days.

I mean, look at this!

"Look at me. I'm a horse with a toilet for
a head." What's that even mean?

Well, you know,
if you're not enjoying it,

maybe you should go
check out the gift shop?

Ooh, good idea. I think
I have a dollar in change...

Oh, look at this.
I didn't even know I had this.

I wonder what it does?

Oh, now I remember,
it does that.

Wait.
How is that alive?

Well, technically "alive" implies
the existence of a soul,

free will, the ability
to enjoy fondue.

I would just call this "animated".

And expertly story-boarded.

♪ James Kim ♪

He just became a daddy!

I'm beginning to think
it might have been a mistake

to put a cyborg brain into a wounded
grizzly and give it one instruction...

destroy man.

Well, luckily, there's no man within
a hundred miles of here.

Except for us.

I think we better
get out of here.

Yes, sir.

We should have
turned left at this tree,

unless that was the first tree which means
this is the second tree.

Oh, let me
look at that map.

Jebediah's map!

It's okay. It's okay.
I took a picture of it with my phone.

You mean the phone that was
in this backpack?

[objects breaking]

Oh, this is just great!

Now how are we going to find
the secret spot?

How's Milo going to become
a Murphy man?

Murphy man...

Still not liking the sound
of your own voice?

It's freaking me out.

We can start our own tradition
and choose a new spot.

Okay, Milo, we'll pick our own spot.
A spot where there's monsters!

Oh, Grandpa,
stop trying to scare me.

I know there's no such thing
as monsters.

♪ You've seen it before, you gonna... ♪

[growl]

[raccoon whimpers]

♪ Okay, maybe not ♪

How about this spot, Dad?

Good choice!
I hereby dub this, the new secret spot!

Hey, where's Grandpa?

Oh, don't worry. He just had to make a
quick, um, yeah, pit stop.

It's an old guy thing.

All right, let's see.
Here we are!

[groans] Smells like the inside
of a Halloween mask.

Which is weird because it's the outside
of a Halloween mask.

[crowd screaming]

[man] This is why I hate museums!

If I sh**t it with the -inator again,
it should go back to normal.

All right.
Hold still.

Hold still. Stop it!
Stop it!

Oh, great. Now I hit this guy
and he's coming to life.

Excuse me, he hasn't come to life
he has become animated.

I think we went over this earlier,
right? He has no soul.

I just got to hit him again
and it will turn it off.

Yeah. I got it.

See, see now he is unanimated.

[Sara] Uh, Dr. D. I don't think we're out
of the woods yet.

-[screaming]
-I hate Monet!

All right, Milo,
it's time for your initiation.

[ethereal music playing]

Murphy's Law
is all around us,

but it's stronger
in us Murphy Men.

It is a force
that we must...

Oh. Go ahead.

In those bushes, is the spirit
of Murphy's Law,

and you must wrestle it
and defeat it.

[clears throat loudly]

[loudly] In those bushes,
is the spirit of Murphy's Law,

and you must wrestle it
and defeat it.

[sighs] Where is he?

Ugh. Dang monster costume.

[Martin shouting] In those bushes,
is the spirit of Murphy's Law,

and you must
wrestle it and defeat it.

[growling]

[screaming]

[Sara] Doof, do something!

I already did something.
I made things worse!

Oh, for Pete's sake.
Give me that thing!

Yeah. I used to work
at an arcade.

Going back to Murphy's Law's is gonna be a
piece of cake after this.

In. Those. Bushes!

[cyborg growling] Ah, there he is.
I mean, there it is.

It is, the spirit!
Now go!

Oh, come on, Dad. Really?

Just go and confront the spirit!

There is something in here,
and it's really strong.

Good, son!
You're doing it! Good!

Wow, Dad's putting
on a good show in there.

Wow, I guess I am.
How exactly am I doing that?

-Milo, get out of there!
-Milo!

[Milo] I can't!
Something's got me.

[growling]

Ah! Hey, that's my
monster costume.

Diogee! I'd recognize
your Diogee breath anywhere!

If you knew it was Diogee, why were
you screaming so much?

Because I knew
it'd scare Grandpa.

Back in my day,
kids didn't scare their elders.

[growling]

Milo, I'm proud of you.

You went into the woods,
battled the unknown, and defeated it.

Even if it was just Diogee.

I think I speak
for both of us

when I say, you are now a Murphy man.

Thanks, Dad.

[Diogee barking]

What is it, boy?

[rumbling]

[screams]

Ah! It flies!

Get it off! Get it off!
Get it off!

Get it off! Get it off!
Get it off!

[cyborg screaming]

[growls]

♪ And the wall falls down
And the wall hits a tree ♪

♪ And the tree hits a pole,
And the pole hits a bee ♪

♪ And that's how you know
You're a Murphy! ♪

♪ It's my world
And we're all livin' in it ♪

♪ Go, Milo
Go, Milo, go ♪

♪ Oh, thanks, everybody
That is so motivational ♪

♪ Go, Milo
Go, Milo, go ♪

♪ Whoa ♪

♪ Whoa ♪

♪ I'm not sitting here
Watching the world turn ♪

♪ You know I'd rather spin it ♪

♪ Go, Milo
Go, Milo, go ♪

♪ It's my world
And we're all livin' in it ♪