01x06 - Plague

[bunniefuu]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

[HAWK CRIES]

[WIND HOWLING]

[ARROW WHISTLES]

[WHINNYING]

Whoa!

[GROANING]

Ah!

[SPEAKING SIOUX]

[HOOTING]

[GROANING]

[SHOUTING]

[BOTH GROANING]

[GRUNTING]

May I say, Dan, ever since I resumed drinking alcohol, I cannot for the life of me figure out why I ever gave it up?

-Takes the edge off the tough ones. -Ooh.

Takes the edge off. Well put.

And may I say, Dan, that I often find you the source of many well put and witty things that you say?

Thanks.

The Hickok m*rder, exoneration of the coward McCall, stain on the escutcheon of the camp.

Doc, libation!

I wonder if he thought I said "live patient"?

[GASPING]

Couldn't get it up.

Give her a dollar to wait.

But he just keeps getting sicker.

Shut up!

Come talk to me after, Doc.

My back hurts so bad.

[GASPING]

Will you keep a girl company?

I will, but I'm expensive.

[LAUGHING]

Oh, I knew that looking at you.

I'm Joanie.

Ellsworth.

First visit to the Bella Union, Ellsworth?

Yes, ma'am.

My leisure time's usually spent at The Gem.

What fills the rest of your time?

Well, ma'am, I've got myself a working gold claim.

Well, sir, is that a damn fact?

Yes, ma'am, a hell of a working gold claim.

And if we knew each other better, I'd throw "f*cking" in there somewhere.

If you did, I would try to catch it.

A working f*cking gold claim, Joanie.

And thank you for allowing me my full range of expression.

-Ellsworth. -What?

Do you sh**t craps?

No, I don't.

But I'm a lethally quick study.

Come on.

-Joey? -I'm sick, boss.

I ain't right.

Keep your voice down. Walk this way with me.

I would never have made Nebraska. I got fever.

My back's hurt something awful.

All right, son, lay up till you get better.

[COUGHS]

-Here's that list you give me. -You hold it for a while.

Fella who could read said one of the items was for the smallpox.

What are you doing showing that list around, Joey?

When I got poorly by Buffalo Gap I wanted to see if I could fill the list there.

That's a breach of goddamned trust!

Have I got smallpox, Mr. Tolliver?

How do I know? Maybe you got yourself a dose.

No, I-I wouldn't. I'm virgin.

That's how come I jumped when you told about Nebraska p*ssy.

Anyway, go lay up.

Eddie: Joey didn't make Nebraska?

Come down with whatever ailed Andy Cramed.

I wonder if Joey was after a remedy for Andy?

Maybe without even knowing.

Ain't you clever, Eddie?

Was I being clever? I thought I was worrying about the plague.

Why don't you concentrate on running in the bones on Joanie's mark?

A welcome diversion.

Woman lives in your f*cking hotel, but you can't find pretext for pressing the offer on her claim?

I can't out flank Trixie, Al.

The whore guards that widow like a mother hen.

She's dosed her with opium priming her for your approach.

-Be that as it may... -EB, put that offer in your pocket.

-You knock on the widow's door. -Trixie'll answer.

Trixie answers, you tell her I want to talk to her.

Trixie leaves, you gain entry, broach the sale.

Can you circumnavigate the child

-or must I map that for you too? -[MUMBLES]

What?

-[KNOCK AT DOOR] -Nothing.

Come on in, Doc, him and me are finished.

Don't play that sh*t where you make me drag your words outta you.

Declare, or shut the f*ck up!

I said something strange is going on in that hotel room.

It's bad with that fella downstairs, Al.

Plague, is it?

Smallpox.

Would land in my joint.

Yours wasn't the first.

EB: No deceit too prolonged.

No errand too demeaning. Get outta here!

No rebuke too vile.

Al Swearengen's a cue and Farnum merely his... billiard ball.

Man: Howdy.

-[MUD SQUISHES] -sh*t!

Quagmire of piss and bullshit!

What?

Al wants to see you, Trixie.

All right.

He wants you over there now.

I'll be there when I get there, EB.

How is Mrs. Garret anyway?

Hunky-dory.

[MOANING]

My boss wants me.

I'll be back quick as I can.

This passes.

All right.

Place your bets, gentlemen.

Place your bets.

New sh**t coming out!

The winner's seven.

What do you hear on that vaccine?

He's had a case break out at his place.

Cy: Let's go to the cage, or shall the three of us leap up on tables

-and shout questions across the room? -What about the vaccine?

The boy never made Nebraska.

-He took sick. -Where is he now?

-In the back here. -How the f*ck long has that been?

-You don't want to pursue that tone. -You sat on news, no one went after the medicine, now I'm asking the duration.

And I'm saying questions in that tone and pointing your finger at me will get you told to f*ck yourself.

Show me the room where the boy is.

Please, join us.

[CHEERS]

How long they been playing this without me?

-What do you want? -It's laundry day, madam.

-I've come to replace the linen. -Leave it and go.

Are you ill?

Leave the room.

Of course.

[SIGHS]

[GROANING]

-Breathe. -[RASPING]

We should chat this all out.

Sure.

Why don't we do something together, us and several others?

Yeah, all right.

Lift up.

There we go.

All right, back down.

If I had that mug on me, I believe I'd cut down on getting told how butt-f*cking-ugly I was by not staring at f*cking strangers.

Sorry-looking cabin even in this sh*thole camp!

A passer-through has a right to make inquiries.

A leave-taker hasn't.

[INHALING]

I carried that f*cking child!

No, not in my belly, but none of that f*cking blood in me.

f*cking cocksucker!

It's Jane Canary calling for Doc f*cking Cochran!

You f*cking in there?

I believe I'll f*cking wait!

Trixie's upstairs.

EB's waiting for you in the kitchen.

Quit drinking a few hours. We're having a get-together.

Whom do you mean?

Buy some f*cking fruit or the like, huh?

I told you something strange was going on.

Are you prepared now to tell me what it is?

If that widow was high, I am a monkey's uncle.

How much fruit?

And how many's a f*cking get-together?

Now one thing I can tell you, Johnny... right now ain't a good time to ask.

Hi, Al.

You toss the place?

I know what's in this room.

How's the widow?

You giving her that dope?

I give it to her regular.

And she takes it?

She goes behind where she dresses to spare the child seeing.

When she goes behind where she dresses to spare the child, do you see billows of dope smoke rising?

She says she eats it.

-Does she act high to you? -I can't be sure.

I never seen a rich person high before.

Next piece of dope, Trixie...

you go behind the screen with the widow.

You watch her put it in her mouth, you watch her swallow.

Afterwards, you look down her f*cking yap and you verify she's got nothing above or below her f*cking tongue.

I'll find a good reason.

You being f*cking clever with me?

How am I supposed to do that, Al, and not arouse her suspicion?

Only suspicion you gotta worry about is mine of if you're giving it to her at all.

Why wouldn't I?

I'd rather try touching the moon than take on a whore's thinking.

Only know this, Trixie, that widow better be muddleheaded next time Farnum sees her or you pay.

-Can I go back? -Please.

Trixie and me chatted on the subject

-of the widow taking dope. -I see.

-Trixie's gonna make sure she does. -Good.

You find pretext to determine Trixie ain't lying.

Oh.

[WOMAN GASPING]

Damsel in distress.

Will you want me back here for the get-together?

How the f*ck could we do it without you, EB?

The truth isn't in you, Al.

That makes two of us.

Dolly was with that drummer.

'Fraid he give her plague.

f*cking plague!

♪ Row row row your boat ♪

♪ Gently down the steam ♪

♪ Merrily merrily merrily merrily ♪

♪ Life is but a dream ♪

♪ Merrily merrily merrily merrily ♪

♪ Life is but a dream. ♪ It's lovely.

Very lovely.

I need you to do something for me.

And I know you can.

When Farnum's here, so we can buy you time to get well, you have to fake being high.

Girl: ♪ Row row row your boat ♪

-♪ Gently down the steam... ♪ -You can do it, Alma.

Look at all the practice you've had.

♪ Merrily merrily merrily, life is but a dream... ♪

[SHUDDERS]

You better have a paying dwarf underneath you!

Am I dying?

Turn off the f*cking water and tell me what you did.

-I know you didn't f*ck him. -No.

You suck his prick?

He didn't want to show it to me till he had a hard-on.

That's what you call a mistake of youth.

You mug it up with him?

-A little. -French lock or normal?

Normal.

So any hoople-head who drank from the same glass this guy did would have as much right to sit there weeping as you, except I can't kick his ass and send him out to work.

My mom d*ed of it when we was coming out.

And that's when Daddy gave us up.

Well, that sad story makes me believe maybe you was exposed and ain't a candidate for it no more.

Stick to hand jobs a day or two if you like.

These sheets need cleaning.

I just provided new linens.

And now they got sick on 'em.

Take those to the Chinaman.

Show you want a clean exchange.

Say, "For Mr. Farnum, Wu.

Sheet for Farnum."

-Hello. -Hello, Mr. Star.

-May I help with those sheets? -I got 'em.

How is Mrs. Garret?

-Still not receiving. -You do tell her I've asked to call?

On commission for Mr. Bullock.

How's business at your store?

Brisk.

Oh.

Jesus Christ!

Did you sh*t yourself?

I take it you've been out on a hoot.

I've been drunk awhile, correct. What the f*ck is that to you?

Question was well meant, like if you was a farmer I would ask you how the farming was going.

I did lose my f*cking best friend, you know?

I know.

Anyways, I ain't here to teach you any f*cking manners.

I was wondering about the child.

She's fine.

And what else?

And she's staying with that widow, and the whore from The Gem is with her too.

What the f*ck is a whore doing with her?

The widow has health problems of her own.

And Trixie's taking care of her.

Trixie being the f*cking whore?

You have high standards as applied to other people.

I ain't judging anyone. I was seeking information!

Well, are you adequately informed?

Yes, I am, you cocksucker!

'Cause I am in the midst of a situation.

Oh, smallpox?

What the f*ck is that to you?

Fella in the woods I see to say hello to has it.

Unless he caught it from a trout.

I figured some in the camp could be down with it too.

What was he doing in the woods?

Someone threw him there. Anyways, he's better now.

And how do you feel?

What's that supposed to mean?

-How do you feel? -Why?

I take it that you're feeling well.

-Am I wrong? -No, you're not f*cking wrong!

That's all I wanted to f*cking know!

I will lay you out as soon as look at you!

This is my point: you been caring for a sick man who doesn't seem to have gotten you sick.

Aren't you a wise f*cking owl?

Being as you have a gift for it, and I'm gonna have sick people up to my hips, I was wondering if you might wanna come back to camp.

My best friend d*ed.

And he ain't coming back!

Now will you help me?

You can do your drinking off work, like I do.

EB: Madam?

Yes?

How are you?

Better, Mr. Farnum. Thank you.

I'm glad.

How are you?

Very well, thank you.

Excuse me.

-I brought more linens. -Hmm.

I'd heard someone threw up.

[SIGHS]

Well, appears luck pinches out at this game even quicker than prospecting.

It can come back that quick too.

Never weaken, same as at the creek.

You want to stop for a while, Ellsworth? We can stop.

ELLSWORTH: What if my luck comes back? Won't be here to reap the benefits.

Joanie: Maybe it'll a wait for ya.

Of course too, maybe it won't, right, Joanie?

Maybe you should stop for a while, honey. You need to piss?

Excuse me.

Did I say that too polite, Cy?

Go head off now.

Cy: Eddie, take over the game.

Push them bones my way, will ya?

Place your bets, gentlemen. Place your bets.

All right, let's warm the world back up now.

Eddie: New sh**t coming out.

Seven, the winner. The winner is seven.

You sure you don't want to get on me, young man?

Well, I might hazard a 20.

CY: All right now!

Do not detain me.

Eddie: Seven, the winner is seven.

Hot sh**t!

You can't keep an old man down!

Wagons, westward bound!

-It's a seven. -You better get on me now.

I got a meeting to go to and I got a hot hand here!

Hah!

Money's out front, honey.

Okay.

Spots are coming out all over his body.

That don't decide how it ends.

Joey was cherry.

I know.

He didn't want us to do it till he knew how.

You'd do better if the tricks didn't think looking at 'em made you cry.

Whoa, now.

It's Johnny Burns, Reverend.

Mr. Burns.

-How are you? -There's a meeting at The Gem.

Mr. Swearengen thought you'd wanna come too.

At his saloon?

Yes, sir.

May I ask the meeting's purpose?

Well, he don't get into that with me.

All right, thank you.

Tell Mr. Swearengen I will be there.

He's having me get fruit.

I know that much.

Fine.

The three red hands on the pony's flank was three men k*lled hand to hand.

The red circle was one k*lled on horseback.

The white lines on the pony's legs was times that he's a'counted coup.

With them, whether you mean to k*ll your man after or you're just showing off, you hit 'em with a g*n butt or a stick or a club...

That's counting coup. That's why he come for you instead of picking you off with an arrow, like he did your horse.

Charlie.

Ah, there you are.

That was one bad hombre you got by, Bullock.

Bill's dead, Charlie.

Of your own seeing?

Yeah.

I heard it spoke of two days ago, but as often as he wasn't before, I hoped he wasn't this time too.

I was after the bastard who did it.

Anything broke?

No.

Can you ride?

Yeah.

Let's get that cocksucker.

We should dig a grave.

I'd as soon not waste the f*cking time.

It won't take long.

You ain't doing him no favor.

I mean his way to heaven's above ground and looking west!

Well, let's do that then.

Don't you want to take him over the ridge?

This hole in the ground and put him up there with his headless buddy?

I mean, that's what you nearly got k*lled for.

Interfering with his big f*cking medicine, burying his f*cking buddy over the f*cking ridge!

Trixie did her work and then some, Al.

Must've put a double handful of that dope down the widow's mouth.

Did you happen to offer on her gold claim?

The moment was wrong.

The dope had made the widow randy.

Lustful looks, heavy breathing, outthrust chest...

The full catalog.

Only hope you comported yourself as a gentlemen.

There was a child in the room.

Peaches and pears on the f*cking bar.

Spoon it out amongst yourselves.

First thing to say is... plague's in the f*cking camp.

Smallpox.

Plague is spread by rats.

Al: I was raised calling it plague, but Doc wants that in reserve in case our luck holds and the rats decide to descend on us too, hmm?

-[LAUGHS] -But whatever you f*cking call it, the point is for no one to raise their f*cking dresses over their heads.

You... you wait it out.

You outlast the cocksucker.

I've outlasted several f*cking outbreaks.

Is it pretty? No, but it passes.

So we need a place for them that get it... To care for 'em and to keep 'em outta sight so people don't get frightened and disgusted.

Mr. Bullock and me will have lumber left from putting our building up.

Tent's a better impression... Emphasizes it's a passing phase.

As far as a vaccine, one place we know has it is Fort Kearney.

-How do we know that? -Off the f*cking issue, Tom.

DOC: Bismarck and Cheyenne probably got it too.

So we should send to all three places. And as time's a factor, stagecoaches ain't the right conveyance, so I suggest three groups of horsemen, huh?

Five riders to a group, fend off the dirt worshippers.

60 bucks a rider, $10 in advance, 50 on return.

EB: Would be three times five times 60.

$900 at the worst... assuming they all survive.

AL: Add in for the vaccine and paying the doc, I would say $1500 is the target.

I'm in for five.

-CY: 500. -AW: Two.

-Two... -You f*cking kidding me, EB?

...hundred-fifty.

50 from Bullock & Star.

You're all right.

EB: That 50 hits the target.

I assume they'll be a public announcement in "The Pioneer."

Yeah, get a jump on them f*cking panic-mongers.

Can you give me five minutes, Doc, after the meeting adjourns?

Give some positive angle to it. Vaccine's on its way or looks like it's the mild f*cking type.

It would also be useful to avoid apocalyptic predictions.

Nip that Sodom and Gomorrah sh*t in the bud, huh?

And stigmatizing the afflicted.

Where will we locate the pest tent?

I bought a lot at the end of Chink's alley you can use.

Gonna build a joint in future catering to the Celestials, ain't you? You clever cocksucker.

They are the f*cking degenerate gamblers among all the races.

I'll see to recruiting the riders.

Al: $10 a rider advanced money.

If I can get your John Hancock for the receipt of the 150...

AL: Fruit's up here, anybody didn't get any.

[GROANING]

Oh, for Christ sake.

Doc: All right, Reverend.

Somebody get me something to hold his jaw open.

Here you go, Doc. Fruit spoon, Doc.

Not a f*cking metal spoon, Johnny! You'll break every tooth in his mouth.

Here you go, Doc.

Doc, I won't say it's pristine.

All right, Reverend.

You're doing better, Reverend.

You ever see him do that?

Doc: He's all right.

Used to have a f*cking brother given to that.

We'd make pennies off it when it'd come over him in the street.

Hey, Reverend, you could've just said "Amen."

Quite the civic figure, Cy.

That's me, that's what I live for.

How healthy did we leave that prospector?

-He'll be back. -f*cking Joanie.

Gotta cr*ck out of turn.

You still got an awful smooth hand, young man.

Yeah.

Practice makes perfect, huh?

Yeah, Cy. And you give a good hand job yourself.

Find out from Joanie how exposed that redhead got to the kid.

Anything else you want me to ask you her for you?

Eddie, if I talk to her right now, I'll break her f*cking jaw.

And if we keep talking, I'll break yours too.

I take it I suffered some sort of convulsion or seizure.

Perhaps brought on by irregular hours.

Oh, I see. I suspect you will soon be hanging up your shingle in competition with me?

-No, oh no no, sir. -Mm.

How did you feel before the spell come on you?

I noticed a peculiar smell in the air, as if something were burning.

Is this the first time?

No, the first episode occurred several days ago after the service for Mr. Hickok.

And any others between that one and this?

No.

Follow my finger.

Hmm, perhaps I just need glasses.

Merrick needs to see you about the article.

Prescribe this malingerer a can of peaches and show him the f*cking door.

Am I clear to assist you to tend to the sick?

You are cleared, Reverend.

What the f*ck's wrong with you?

I don't know.

You better figure it the f*ck out.

'Cause this free-ride sh*t's coming to a quick f*cking halt.

Free ride?

What would you call it?

I earn my way.

[LAUGHS] How?

Posing in expensive dresses and breaking up the catfights?

Taking trouble to steer the trade? That don't pay the freight, honey.

You're here to create a f*cking atmosphere.

f*cking atmosphere you create lately, "I'm sad."

Then on your bad days, "Oh, I'm so sad."

Oh.

What is it, sweetheart?

I guess it's coming here.

What's wrong with coming here?

You never liked the river that much. What's wrong with a fresh start?

How it feels when there isn't one.

Well, sh*t.

Stay here, I'll bring you back a f*cking lollipop.

Sorry I cracked on your play with the prospector.

Me and Eddie turned it into a longer campaign.

If he don't get plague, it'll all have a happy end.

My worry's you.

And my concern's feelings of f*cking affection.

Shut up, Cy.

Work on believing it, Joanie.

That's the way I always want to touch you, just like that.

Don't make me do it different.

AW: "Two cases of the smallpox have been diagnosed in our camp by Dr. Amos Cochran."

Hey, Doc!

Get the Amos outta there!

Scratch Amos.

"At Dr. Cochran's suggestion a pest tent, endowed by the generous retailers of our fine community, is being erected for the afflicted on the south end, and riders dispatched to secure a vaccine."

Maybe you should add there, "They're already probably on their way back."

Excuse me.

"'The Pioneer' has been assured of their imminent return."

That's catchier.

"Thanks also to the aforementioned merchants, -the vaccine will be distributed gratis." -Free gratis.

Free gratis is a redundancy.

Does that mean repeats itself?

Then leave gratis out.

What luck for me, Al, that you have such a keen editorial sense.

Free. Distributed free.

Period.

It will take me some time to reset the type.

Yeah, hurry up.

Excuse me.

Al.

Thanks for not putting the stink on me before with the others over that Fort Kearney business.

Sure.

I'm back.

Your room has been re-rented!

f*ck you and f*ck the rooms you rent.

I'm calling on the widow and the little one in her care.

And if I was you, or any cocksucker with you, I wouldn't try to stop me.

-Be brief. -Be f*cked!

Her gutter mouth and the widow in an opium stupor...

A conversation for the ages.

Hey, fucknut!

What you got in that suitcase?

Millinery samples, if it concerns you at all.

Millinery samples, ain't that just perfect!

Some women... take the trouble to make a decent appearance.

Well, for your information, Mr. Millinery- sample-suitcase cocksucker, you're staying in the former room of someone you ain't fit to lick the boots of!

Wild Bill Hickok.

I paid $2 a day extra.

Had you any connection to Wild Bill?

Good luck with your f*cking day selling hats.

It's Jane!

Oh my God.

Hello, Jane.

Look at you.

Listen to you. Oh my God in heaven.

I'm Trixie.

I think I've seen you.

At The Gem.

Yeah.

Maybe that's where.

You look like sh*t.

Oh, owe you a penny.

I'm better.

I was so sorry to hear about Mr. Hickok.

Yeah.

You oughta get your husband outta that creek.

As soon as I feel just a little better.

Anyways, I'm glad to see this little one in good condition and talking, to boot.

Come see her all the time.

Nah, I'm a f*cking drunk.

I might be seeing to sick people.

But I'm gonna keep this exact recollection of your lovely mug.

And put a penny aside every time I curse.

And that is my promise to you, and me too. We'll see each other again down the road.

-Gentlemen... -Well, let's see it.

Or should I say, my fellow authors?

Jane: I'm done in there!

Where would the doc have got to?

South end of Chinaman's alley.

They'll get me there.

I think maybe it should have a question mark.

"The plague in Deadwood?"

The type is set.

You're reading the definitive edition.

Let's run it.

Nice working with you.

-Take him right over here. -[MAN COUGHS]

It's all right to breathe, just turn your head away from him.

[MUFFLED] Okay, Doc.

All right.

Roll him over on his side.

Turn him back this way. That's it.

All right, thank you, fellas.

Bye, Doc.

[HEAVES BREATH]

It's all right, son.

It's going to be all right.

JANE: Hey!

Hey, somebody!

Are you sure you're up to this?

Oh yes.

I'm right where I'm supposed to be.

[MAN COUGHING]

[WHEEZING]

Here's another one for you.

So I see.

You already been exposed, you wanna follow him in?

I might.

"'The Pioneer' was assured of their imminent return."

I'll believe it when I see it.

"Imminent return" is one of my contributions to the f*cking article. The idea for that phrase.

"Pest tent being erected at the south..."

What about that f*cking Tolliver buying up property on the QT, huh?

We're lucky we was struggling with this sh*t when he made the offer to loan out the lot.

Nonetheless, it says the man sees the possibilities of the things.

I mean, to come up at this f*cking juncture with the idea of creating an emporium for the f*cking Chinks takes brass f*cking balls and a long-term vision for the future.

Merrick.

Merrick wanted to put here "gratis."

Now is the idea to inform your reader or make him feel like a f*cking dunce?

I had him put "free."

Don't see why the f*ck he doesn't have news of the baseball.

That new league started a team in Chicago.

Different path taken at certain forks in the road, who knows what kind of a joint we'd be in now?

Of course, truth is, as a base of operations, you cannot b*at a f*cking saloon.

Ah!

[BLUES MUSIC PLAYING]

♪ I'm taken down with the fever ♪

♪ And it won't let me sleep ♪

♪ I'm taken down with the fever ♪

♪ And it won't let me sleep ♪

♪ It was about 3:00 ♪

♪ Before he would let me be ♪

♪ I wish somebody ♪

♪ Would come and drive my fever away ♪

♪ I wish somebody ♪

♪ Come drive my fever away ♪

♪ This fever I'm havin' ♪

♪ Sho' is in my way. ♪