04x03 - Indian Takers

[bunniefuu]

On the top of a hillside,

deep in the mountains
of Shuturmurg, India,

sits a mystical retreat
long sought out

- by those seeking answers...
- Is this real?

to the questions
that define us.

I mean, is any of this real?

How do I know what's real?

NARRATOR:
This is Lindsay Bluth-Fünke.

You see me before you, yes?

I am real to you.

And this bag next to me,
it is as real as you or me.

No, I know that one's real.

I meant the other one--
the Louis Vuitton.

I don't remember Vuitton
having two E's.

NARRATOR:
The hillside was also known

- for their bargains on designer handbags.
- Oh, no!

That's how they do it here.

You can't go wrong.
Best bag on the mountain.

I love this bag.
I give you 60 for it.

- It's the best bag on the mountain.
- Excuse me.

- I just promised it to her.
- I'll give you $70.

NARRATOR:Lindsay Bluth had come
to India for both reasons.

- Uh, $120. - You just bought
the best bag on the mountain.

- Congratulations.
- Best bag on the mountain.

(chuckles)

NARRATOR:
Now the story of a family

whose future
was abruptly canceled

and the one daughter
who had no choice

but to keep her life together.

It's Lindsay's...

- LINDSAY: I love it.
- NARRATOR: Lindsay was on

a spiritual journey to let go

of all possessions
and to find something cute

- to keep her stuff in.
- It's gorgeous.

Months earlier,
Lindsay had lost her bearings

after finding out
she wasn't born

to the family
she couldn't bear.

- I'm adopted?
- So, after getting

briefly creepy
with her brother...

I'm just not that into
older women.

- Don't worry about it.
- You bastard!

She shared some resentments

with her family
at the boat party.

Kitty likes to scratch...
(yells)

But before she could
disassociate herself

- from the Bluth name...
- Because now I know that

we're not related.
Anyway, Michael...

Oh, my God. The SEC.

...the Bluth name
would become...

...as sullied as Newport Bay
on the fifth of May.

LUCILLE:
They are persecuting me.

It was an accident.
This is ridiculous!

If I'd told them we were taking
a bunch of gays out there

to get married,
they'd have thrown me a parade.

Let's tell them we were taking
a bunch of gays to get married.

Yeah, I don't think your record
on that issue

is going to back that up, Mom.

NARRATOR:
In fact, it was an issue

of theBay Windowmagazine

that would most damage her
with the gay community.

LUCILLE: Fine. We'll say
they took it on a joyride.

And you have no right
to criticize me.

At least I was able
to turn myQueenaround.

None taken.

NARRATOR:
This is Tobias Fünke,

who should have taken more.

- Oh.
- LINDSAY: You cannot say

one nice thing
to your daughter, can you?

Adopted daughter.

And that's not true.

MAN: Could I have the Bluth
family over here, please?

And over here, the victims
of the Bluth family?

NARRATOR:
And that's when Lindsay

found a label more fitting
than "Bluth."

No, Lindsay, you're going
to the wrong area.

Kenny, Chet, Curtis, Mike,
Bix and Gator are over here.

We should be over here
at the Bluth area with Gob

and Buster and, uh... uh...

(sighs)
uh, your brother, uh...

- Michael?
- Michael. Yes.

Sorry. I was thinking
of Mike, the hot seaman.

- No, where is Michael?
- It doesn't matter.

He's not my brother.

This isn't my family.

No, I've spent years...

Yes! Got my yes.
I got that big yes.

I've spent years trying
to fit into this family,

and it's not me.

My life is a fallacy.

Oh...

♪ Is that a gal I see? ♪

♪ No, it's just
a phallus... eee! ♪

We loved that.
Where's that from?

NARRATOR:
It's from nothing.

But it made her
realize this, too.

I don't know if there's
a right time to say this,

but this marriage of ours,
it hasn't been working.

Yeah... there's nothing
keeping us together.

(Maeby coughing nearby)

I... I believe we're thinking
the same thing.

- Yeah, we should end it.
- Let's give it another sh*t.

To the head. k*ll it.

Yes.

NARRATOR: Lindsay was looking
for inspiration

before she set out
on her new path.

And it only took
until the "Pray" section

of Eat, Pray, Love
for her to find it.

Hmm.

Soon, she was beginning
a journey to reinvent herself.

Ugh. I'm doing it again.

I have to let go
of these material things.

NARRATOR: To leave the trappings
of her old life

and try to live with less.

(sighs) There.

Her immersion
into Indian culture began

even before reaching
the airport.

And, uh...
and so this daily prayer,

it connects one to the whole.

- (bleep) anus tart.
- God.

You know,
you sense the oneness in all.

And they have
normal toilets, right?

NARRATOR:
And after an hour or so

withSkyMall,where she was

proud of herself
for only buying two things--

a self-cleaning litter box
in case she ever got a cat

and an inflatable hat box
in case she ever got a hat--

she got to a great article
in the in-flight magazine

and found herself filling up

with inner peace
and acceptance.

- (thumping)
- I mean, not right away.

What is she doing back there?

- (passenger groaning)
- That passenger had been

pushing on her seat
for like four hours.

Lindsay's journey
to let go of her baggage

got off to a bad start
at baggage claim

when she picked up
the wrong baggage.

And her Western notions
of the value of life

were challenged on the bus ride
to the hotel.

(man screams, loud thud)

LINDSAY:
Oh, my God.

Did... did we just
hit something?

Shouldn't we stop?

No. It wasn't a cow.

- It was just a tourist.
- (laughter)

NARRATOR:
And that's howLindsay's path

- to living with less...
- Wait. This isn't my...

How am I supposed to find out

who I really am
dressed like this chick?

...took a brief detour into
a shopping spree at India's

- famous Mall Mountain.
- It's cute on me.

But I thought it was
supposed to say "Kate."

Oh, no, anything under a small
is considered

a "David Spade."

I love this jacket.
I'll give you 60 for it.

Best coat on the mountain.

- 65.
- 70! It'd look great

on my wife or my sickly son.

- 100 bucks. Yes!
- $100, yes.

NARRATOR:
And soon, she was back

at the hotel and ready

- for her spiritual experience.
- (sighs)

(bell dings)

Yeah, hi.

Uh, were you able
to book my 3:00 shaman?

Oh, yes.
Did you want the deep wisdom

or just a light ego cleanse?

We do those by the pool.

- There's a pool?
- WOMAN: It's hard to tell

because there are
so many people in it,

but yes, it is a pool.

Well, yeah, by the pool, then.

And, uh, do you think
you can get someone

to remove the smell of lamb
from my room?

Of course. And which
animal smell would you prefer?

Which do you prefer?

NARRATOR:
But at her 3:00 p.m. shaman...

You are living a life
without love.

- Lindsay got a deeper treatment
- How do I learn to...

- than she had hoped for.
- be happy?

You know, to love?

When love is near your heart,
you'll be happy.

You must live life truthfully.

Yeah, no, I-I-I do live
truthfully,

but, uh... (sighs)

I'm just so full of passion.

You are so full of (bleep).

Yeah, yeah.

Although, in my culture,
"full of (bleep)"

is kind of like a dig.

I mean, you'd never say it
to a customer.

But, uh, yeah, no,
I-I know what you mean.

This bag is as fake as you are.

(sighs)
Well, how do I learn?

Just look at the spelling.

God. No, I...

Pull your head out of the sand.

Love is where you left it.

You mean... back home?

God.

The only person back home
is Tobias.

You have no children?

NARRATOR:Lindsay thought
she was being hit on.

No. Why do you ask?

Wait a minute.
You're saying I've come

halfway around the world
to find out

I need to go back home?

God, I haven't even gone
to the beach yet.

NARRATOR:She had. It was just
too crowded to see the water.

It was a moving experience,

but after leaving the tent,
it wasn't just

the shaman's words
that got through to her.

It was this.

I'm sorry.
Your AmEx was declined.

Your account is maxed out.

We had to cancel
your shaman appointment.

No, no, I just talked
to the shaman,

just right back at...

MAN:
Get out! Get out!

Go away! Get out!
Get out! Get out!

I'm sorry to yell at you,
but as I said, it was declined.

So get out.

NARRATOR:
But, fortunately, the universe

offered a solution
to her financial problem

that wasn't too far off
from what her shaman had said.

LUCILLE (over phone): Oh, I've
got money for you, sweetie,

but it means my loving daughter
smiling next to her husband

sitting behind me at the trial.

LINDSAY:
Would you take a grimace?

NARRATOR:So it was with
this dual intention

that she reached out
to a husband she'd left behind,

with a new sense
of inner peace.

Of course, there was still
some outer stuff

she needed to work through.

(over phone):
Hello. It's Tobias.

- Leave a message.
- (beep)

I'm ready to make this work.

NARRATOR:It was with a sense
of enlightenmentthat Lindsay

returned from her
spiritual journey...

...to get her hands on
the stimulus money, too, right?

Stop with the prayer hands.

It just looks
like you're out of ideas.

Seriously, sh**t me
if you ever catch me doing that.

Says the least spiritual
man I know.

MICHAEL: What deal
did you strike with her?

What part of her soul
did you buy?

All I've asked
is that she testify

that I was a wonderful mother
who did her best.

So all of it.

No, Michael.
I'm not a whore.

I don't get any of the money

until after I do
the disgusting thing.

But I'm not here
just for the stimmy.

I'm here
because a shaman told me

that love is where I left it.

Which, after much soul searching

and by process of elimination,
is Tobias.

TOBIAS:
I got the part.

NARRATOR:
And so Lindsay and Tobias

took another sh*t
at being husband and wife,

and although they wouldn't
have money

until after the perjury,
they set about

- buying a home.
- Are you ready to make a move?

As you can see,
I'm ready for a lot that's new.

Oh! Good heavens!

Right!

Well, this is a great area.

There's some wonderful
surgi-centers nearby.

We're doing it.
We're really doing this.

Yes! We're gonna get you
in the right house.

And it's just the two of you?
You have no children?

We don't.

TOBIAS:
We should be honest here.

We have no income flow.

No incoming income flow.

We have plenty
of outgoing income.

No savings, no credit.

I mean, we had some stimmy,

but that went
to his hospital bills.

But there's one thing
we do have--

Work ethic!

Right. No work ethic.

But there's one thing
we do have--

we do have a daughter.

I was just on auto-pilot
before, when I said we didn't.

I should have caught that;
yeah, but...

MAEBY:
I could've spoken up,

but I just wanted to see
if you guys got there.

Well, you guys seem like
a great family.

We have to be realistic.

I'm in the real estate business.

It's 2006.

That's all good enough for me.

We're gonna put you
in a NINJA loan.

"No income, no jobs,
no assets."

And you don't have to pay
a penny for two years.

Oh, NINJA! Please!

So we'll take something
cozy and intimate.

- A one-bedroom.
- Or bigger.

Yeah, how about something nice?
A three-bedroom?

LINDSAY:
Three does sound bigger.

Oh, it definitely is.

NARRATOR:You have to remember
that this was a time

when banks were eager to create
as much debt as possible.

...the five-bedroom,
four-car garage.

And I know that you guys
are going to be okay

with just one master bathroom,

because a lot of people
do prefer two.

You know, they like
to just have it.

Maybe separate, so we have it.

So we have it.
That way we have it.

That way you have it.

Do you think
we really need one?

I'm just gonna
interrupt for a second.

You don't need a wine cellar,

if you want to do wine tastings
in your butler's kitchen.

I mean, this really isn't
what we discussed.

Well, we didn't discuss
any of this, but, uh...

yes, uh, I guess, that way,
we... we have it.

Well... yeah...

That way,
you'll definitely have it.

And then once you have it,
that way, you'll have it.

But do we need a gatehouse?

I just put John Beard into a
house with a double gatehouse.

Now, that's John Beard;
he's on television.

No one's gonna look down on you

just 'cause you have less
than John Beard.

- Is this crazy?
- I think so.

We'll take
the double gatehouse.

Oh, is that what you thought?
Because...

- Well, that way, we'll have it.
- We have it. We have it.

And that way, you have it.

There was a lot of this
going on back then.

This way, we have it.

And soon, they were
starting their new life

- Good point!
- in their new, beautiful home.

LINDSAY:
Mother's Day Eve

was the most joyous day
of the year.

(echoing): Maeby, you're gonna
be late for school.

NARRATOR:And what they lost
in coziness...

God, they grow up so slowly.

...they made up for in
cavernous, unfurnished space.

- And the robot's dead again.
- Oh! Poor little guy.

Ran out of juice before
he could reach his...

(door slams)

With her mother's
trial coming up,

Lindsay made an effort
to work on her testimony.

...when I was hungry, I...

- (Lindsay laughs)
- Go on.

You don't want me to say
this next part, do you?

I think it tells the story.

But am I
accidentally being funny,

or am I purposely being funny?

It's not supposed to be funny.

"Suckled at her champagne
glass breasts"?

Is it a joke?

Buster wrote it.

Recently?

I adapted it from a letter
he wrote from camp.

I miss you, Mommy.

Camp is scary at times.

When I was cold, you clothed me,

when I was hungry...

Uh, how do I say this?

Suckled at your champagne
glass breasts.

Oh, that's good.

It doesn't matter.
I'll be proofing it, anyway.

LINDSAY:
Oh, God.

This is from
Camp Kiss-A-Me-Mommy?

Just read the copy.
You're getting paid for this.

No. You know what?

The money is not
important to me.

My shaman said...

Oh, don't give me that
mystical nonsense.

You think you're
better than I am.

But you're a lot more like me
than you think you are.

Now, let's take it from:

"I hope she gives me
bubble baths forever."

And I want to smell the suds.

But worse news was
around the corner.

BEARD:The collapse of the
California housing market

is taking a personal toll...

- Uh-oh.
- ...with layoffs here at the station.

In addition,
I'm leaving the keys

to my 10,000-square-foot home
in Harbor Shallows

- here on the desk...
- TOBIAS: Well, it probably

shouldn't affect our area.

He's over by
where the fountain is.

BEARD:
Might I say to them

good luck getting that (bleep)

raccoon smell
out of the gatehouse,

because I never could.

But you and I are okay, right?

I mean, this works, right?

Never better.

And the week
of Lucille's trial,

they got some even worse news.

What's this?
Mother's not going to pay?

She actually said
she'd only pay me

if my testimony is believable.

Lindsay! Lindsay!

...but how am I supposed
to say something like

"I love you, Mother!"

and sound believable?

Well, geez... Jesus C. Penny!

You know,
I wish I had the luxury

of not sounding believable.

But that's not an option for
an out-of-work actor, is it?

Or it's why you're out of work!

Well, I beg one's pardon,
but I have been dying to go

to that Method Acting Clinic
that I see on my nightly drives,

but you won't let me!

Because you already
wasted all that money

on Carl Weathers'
Master Acting Class.

Well, I'm sorry,
but I'm such a star (bleep)

that I didn't pay attention
to anything he said!

Oh, well then, maybe I should go
to your Method Acting Class,

to make my testimony
more believable!

That's actually a good idea.

Maybe you could--
Oh! Hi. Yes.

Well, perhaps we should
go together.

Yeah. Might be good
for us, as a couple.

I do hope so.

I really want
to make this work.

Me, too.

I really love you, Tobias.

Oh, Lindsay, we have

got to get you to
that acting clinic.

And that was with me
picturing fudge.

Fudge.

NARRATOR:
To bond with her husband

and prepare for her testimony,

Lindsay had decided to attend
an acting class with Tobias.

This is the first time

I've actually done something
like this with you.

I think I always
kind of looked down on it.

You know, Lindsay, I think
you'll find that

some of what used to seem
clueless about me

is actually something
I'm quite good at.

This... is where I belong.

If you're new here,
you need to go to the window.

Uh, fill out this form first.

And there's some personal
questions on it, like, uh,

how you first got hooked.

Well, that's an easy one:

You're A Good Man,
Charlie Brown.

(Tobias chuckles)

No, uh, no,Mame.

No, ma'am...?

You're A Good Man...

You're A Good Man,
Charlie Brown.

(whispering):
Gypsy. Gypsy.

CLINICIAN:
Just come up here and be

as truthful as possible.

WOMAN: Okay, this is (bleep)
overwhelming.

They're starting the monologues.

I think this is from
Songs for My Father.

WOMAN: This (bleep) is
(bleep) up, right?

LINDSAY:
What did you say

the name of this acting class
was again?

TOBIAS:
Method One Clinic.

Okay, I'm gonna go get coffee.

Garden Grove Method One Clinic.

And moments later,
as Lindsay, once again,

found herself questioning
her husband's choices,

one of hers was questioned.

MAN:
Ugh! That's not Free Trade,

and if it's not Free Trade,
it's (bleep).

- I wouldn't...
- (scoffs)

You don't look like a junkie.

You do. What do you weigh,
like, 90 pounds?

(laughs)

That's so funny!

God, um... thank you.

But-but no, no.

If I'm addicted to anything,
it's alcohol.

I'm Lindsay.

And you're... hmm!
"Bitéme."

No, I don't like giving my name
to any state organization,

especially after I got kicked
off the voter rolls,

'cause I accidentally signed up
for the wrong political group.

Wow.
What group was that?

You know, I don't even remember.

Just some guy in a booth
on the boardwalk.

He joined Al Qaeda.

MAN: And I only signed up
'cause he was giving away

a free beard brush.

...that says "Al Qaeda" on it.

But maybe he thought it was
the designer of the brush.

I'm Marky Bark.

Of the tree-freer Barks?

Marky was the son
of Johnny Bark,

an activist that Lindsay
had once helped save,

and then k*ll, a tree.

LINDSAY:Oh, my God!
I remember him!

I remember thinking, one day,

he was just gonna
fall out of a tree

and break his neck.

Whatever happened to him?

He fell out of a tree
and broke his neck.

Oh, God...

No, I'm just kidding.

- (laughs)
- Oh...

So how is he?

Oh, he's dead.

But natural causes.

A bunch of deranged bees
chased him out of a tree

and he fell to his death.

So, are you here alone, or...?

No, I'm with her.

She's a committee member.

Which committee is that?

Itty-bitty (bleep).

What a wonderful sense of humor.

Listen, the only time DeBrie
can keep food down

is for about 20 minutes
after she comes crashing

off the methadone, so...

- Oh...
- would you care to join us

as we rustle up some grub

to shove down our mouths?

I would like that very much.

So Tobias and Lindsay drove

to meet their
new friends for lunch.

They are such a neat couple!

Aren't they neat!

It's so fun to have another
couple to go out with.

LINDSAY:
He's amazing.

I mean, so passionate
about real issues.

He's a real activist--
like me.

And she's a real actress,
like me!

Oh, she used to be
in big movies,

but then, like a lot of actors,
the teeth go...

Mm!

But she is the perfect age

to be a Hollywood actress--42.

Is that all?

Oh, I think this is the place.

It's a barter restaurant.

Marky doesn't believe in money.

Do I like barter?

No, it means
they don't deal with money.

That's why I swiped
that methadone tray.

Hmm.

What interesting friends
we've made.

I think this is exactly
what our marriage needed.

NARRATOR:
Lindsay and Tobias gathered

with their new friends...

WAITRESS: Hi, y'all!
This your first time...?

...at CW Swappigans,

a chain that sprung up
after the economic collapse.

We are like a Salvation Army
meets a soup kitchen,

meets a gastro pub,

meets a Marxist-or
Leninist-type social structure.

These are things
that you can order

and these are things
that we will accept.

As you see on the bottom,
we don't have the fish,

and we're not taking
any more lava lamps.

Uh-oh!
I can see this one's got

that deer
in the headlights look!

Oh, no.
He just took some methadone.

He thought he was driving,
with a cocktail tray.

Oh, speaking of that...

How about mozzarella sticks
for the table?

Cocktail tray, light scratching,
for mozzarella sticks.

Six, no sauce.

And maybe some sparkling water
for the table.

Oh, I'm sorry, sir. We're no
longer taking hotel soaps.

LINDSAY:
This is fun.

MARKY:
A lot of people couldn't handle

a Dumpster dive
for their first double date.

Is that what this is?

Now, wait... wait a second.

I wasn't driving?

It's just so refreshing
to meet people

with real passion
about changing the status quo.

Lindsay and I
don't have a single friend.

Is the food here yet?

I'm not hungry,
but... but, uh...

- Oh, look, it's butter.
- MARKY: DeBrie.

(whooping)

MARKY:
DeBrie, that's our butter.

We were going to swap it
for dessert.

No, she's improvising.
Uh, yes, ma'am.

You seem to be liking
that butter substitute

at Swappigans.

Uh, yes, and...

wh-what else could you swap for?

Uh, yes, and... uh...

Oh, I'm out. She's too good.

I... I don't know who my guy is.

I don't... I don't have a guy.

MARKY:
No, she just likes butter.

Come on, let's get you
cleaned up.

- Don't touch anything.
- Marky, I'll take her.

You two just got here.

Have a chat about.
I'll clean her up.

- TOBIAS: Come on, DeBrie.
- DeBRIE: Num, num, num, num.

- I'm sorry.
- Don't be.

I-I love it here.

My mother would hate this place.

You know, Lindsay,
I-I have to tell you,

when I first met you,
I thought you were one of those

typical, uptight, snobby,
Newport Beach,

vapid... nut-busters!

You know, one of those monsters

that lives in
a 10,000-square-foot house

that they destroyed
the wetlands for.

Those were wetlands?

(sighs) That explains
our Thanksgiving miracle.

What do you mean,
you didn't make dinner?

I didn't realize
it was Thursday, okay?

There's got to be
something here.

(gasps, screams)

TOBIAS:
Oh! Oh!

Oh! Get it! Get it!

Chase it into the oven!

Come on. Come on.
Here, little ducky.

- That's a good duck.
- Good duck.

- In you go!
- (loud quacking)

This is going to be
the greatest Thanksgiving ever.

It's a miracle!

Well, I actually do live

in a fairly large house
right now.

But we've never made
a payment on it.

So you're sticking it
to Big Banking.

- That's cool.
- Yes.

In fact, I'm only in America

because a shaman told me
that love

would come to me
when I accepted who I am

- and didn't run away.
- Sounds like a good shaman.

Oh, he was the house shaman
at the Four Seasons Mumbai,

so you figure
he's got to be pretty good.

Oh, and he turned into
an ostrich at the end, so...

They're not going to have that
at the Embassy Suites.

That's funny.
I actually run an ostrich farm.

(Indian music playing):
♪ Co... incidence! ♪

That's not a coincidence.

♪ Yes, it is. ♪

MAN:
Mini pizzas, no pepperoni!

Marky, I've got to tell you,

talking about these
social issues, it's...

the first time I've felt
like myself

in a really long time.

That's because I say
what I mean, I do what I feel.

No lies.

NARRATOR:
Lindsay felt guilty

because she was about
to go enter

a crab house/courtroom
and do just that.

That's why my motto is:

"Live truthfully
and skate through life."

Marky felt guilty
because it wasn't his motto.

It was the motto of a surf
and skateboard company.

Live truthfully.

Skate through life.

That's amazing.

I haven't felt this deep

a connection with someone
in a long, long time.

Other than DeBrie.

I can't believe
we just did that.

I can't believe how little give
your teeth have.

So, where do you keep
your ostriches?

WAITRESS: Sheraton mini soap
for a taco salad?

MAN:
We don't take hotel soap!

And perhaps it was
to get back at her mother...

- Leave a tip! Leave a tip!
- ...or to get out of

a relationship that had
been over for a long time,

but that's when
Lindsay hopped off

to pursue a life
she felt was her destiny.

And the new lovers
discovered each other.

The beautiful female body,

the horrible male.

Wow. That was so...

- fast.
- Thanks.

Well, I didn't know how long
we'd be stuck in traffic, so...

- (horn honking)
- Oh! And it sounds

- like it's moving, so...
- MAN: Move it!

- (horn honking)
- Come on! Come on!

- Let's go!
- Careful!

And as they drove, they learned
so much about each other.

MARKY:I was always just
in such a rush to grow up

and change this world,
and foolishly,

the teeth I pulled
were my adult teeth,

so this guy all the way
to that guy back there,

that's a... just a piece
of wood I stick in there.

I mean, they're just
chewing tools.

(laughs)
I don't care about looks.

But you find me pretty,
though, right?

No.

I have no idea
what you look like.

I have this condition
called face blindness.

I mean, I can tell
you're a woman.

(chuckling):
Oh, stop.

But, honestly, no,
all I see is, like,

eyes and nose, you know,
hair, ears and...

But I can tell you got
a great heart, Lindsay.

I can tell
you've been living a lie.

You and I are going to change
this world together.

(Marky whoops, Lindsay laughs)

LINDSAY:
You know, my shaman

told me that I should stop
caring about appearances.

You know, my whole life, that's
all anyone has ever praised.

All my mom ever cared about.

Because I'm really pretty.

I just thought I'd tell you that
so the story made sense.

- I don't care.
- But I guess it's kind of karma

that I ended up with someone
who wanted to make love to me

no matter what I look like.

Also wanted to make sure
you weren't a dude.

I can tell with voices usually,
but some guys, they'll...

they'll fool you
if that's what they want to do.

Hey...

Are you smiling at me?

NARRATOR:Lindsay decided
it was only fair

to let her husband know

their new start
had reached a new end.

LINDSAY:
I left.

I guess you noticed.

Um, look, I'm sorry.

I-I really do care about you,
Tobias, but we were trying

to save something
that just couldn't be saved.

And I have to follow
my shaman's advice. I...

I have to be true
to myself for once.

And Marky, he sees me
for who I really am.

- He respects me and...
- Come on, lady!

You want to wrap this up?

My lady needs to call
her loser ex.

Marky, it's me.

It's Lindsay.

Oh.

I thought you
were taking a dump.

Oh, I must have
scared the (bleep)

off that lady in the bathroom

when I threw the door open
and told her I loved her.

(sighs, chuckles)

He loves me?

MARKY:
Sorry. False alarm.

- I don't love you.
- LINDSAY: Uh, I got to go.

Can you delete this
so I can leave

- a message for Maeby?
- MARKY: It's good. She's fine.

NARRATOR:
And soon, the lovers arrived

and discovered the joys
of their new desert home,

dancing and making love
all night.

Now, that time...

was also very quick.

And now we've freed the night up
to dance again.

- Come on.
- Oh. Okay.

NARRATOR:
And the next day,

Lindsay awoke
to discover the destiny

foretold to her in India
in drab colors before her.

WOMAN:
Get away from her.

Don't mess with her!

She's none of your business.

(sighs) Thank you.

I said get away from her,
you slut!

You're scaring the bird.

MARKY:
No, no, Mom.

Mom, she's with us.

She lives with us now.

And, Mom,
she tells me she's pretty.

I have the worst (bleep) shaman.

The defense calls to the
oyster bar thing where they sit

the adopted daughter,
Lindsay Bluth.

NARRATOR:
Another chair is empty

- at Lucille's trial.
- BARRY: Lindsay...

Mr. Zuckerkorn,

Shrimp-sh**t Nights
starts in 15 minutes.

Is your witness going to appear?

BARRY (gasps):
"Appear."

Oh, I thought the one
on the pier was a Bubba Gump's.

NARRATOR:And, in an effort
to be less glamorous,

Lindsay cuts her hair
only to discover,

- much to her frustration...
- Great. Even cuter.

And Tobias becomes addicted

- to his new profession.
- I'm an addict, and I'm starving.

Yes, you are starving,
so would you like some butter?

I could give you some butter,

and, uh, you can pay for it
w-with a shoe.

Um... I'm sorry, but, uh,

his guy's not giving my guy
anything, uh, to react to.

Uh, could I get some more
of that, uh, acting juice?