05x12 - Return to Queens Blvd

[bunniefuu]

Come on, let's do another sh*t.

Vince, I can't. I've got a 10:00 a.m. Meeting.

If I miss it I can kiss partner goodbye.

You'll call me? Definitely.

Partner? She's a lawyer.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but was that lawyer giving you a tug?

In L.A. You can only get an actress or a hooker to do that.

God, I love this m*therf*cking town!

Give me one of these. Hear hear.

Oh, man.

Should we get breakfast? No, we'll eat at home.

Train? Cab, please.

I'm exhausted.

Yeah, sitting in a booth all night getting no p*ssy can be draining.

Right here. Hey! Hey!

Whoa whoa whoa!

Where to? Queens, please.

Ow, you elbowed me right in the face.

Thanks a lot, man. Good ride.

Make sure that cheap bastard tips you.

Thank you.

Shh.

I'm starving. I smell bacon.

Ma, what are you doing up?

Well, sorry, I couldn't sleep thinking of you all lying in a ditch somewhere.

We're grown men, Ma. Nothing's gonna happen to us.

Oh yeah? You keep partying like this at your age you're gonna have a heart att*ck, Johnny.

It's true. She's right.

And you go home. Your mother's worried too.

I can't stay for breakfast?

What, she doesn't cook for you anymore?

Sadly my mom's cooking has gone to sh*t.

And it started at crap. Be nice to your mother, Turtle.

That's easy for you to say. Your mom's in Florida.

Turtle! It's like she can smell me.

I saw your cab pull up.

What kind of an animal doesn't come home till sunrise?

Four nights in a row. We're on vacation, Ma.

Get your fat ass home.

Right now. I'm coming.

Get your fat ass home, Turtle. Shut up, Drama.

You okay, ma?

I'm worried about you.

You party all night, you sleep all day.

How are you gonna get a job carrying on like that?

It's always worked before.

I'm okay, Ma.

Is he?

Is he okay? You're the mastermind behind all this.

You tell me. Yeah, well...

We've hit a bit of a rough patch, but we'll be okay.

You know, I read in "The Post" this morning that Gus Van Sant is in town working on a new movie.

Ma. What?

I thought "Good Will Hunting" was very good.

I would love to be in a Gus Van Sant movie, but I have an agent and a manager who are on top of these things.

Are you on top of this thing?

I read the script months ago when Vince wasn't available.

It's totally cast now. Not anymore.

Joaquin Phoenix broke his arm and Gus is looking for a replacement.

I would love to work with Gus.

"Milk" was dope.

It's a great role. I'll call Ari.

Maybe I'm not so useless after all.

Gus doesn't think he's right for it.

How do you know? Because unlike you my workday starts before reading page six.

What's he saying? He spoke to Gus.

He doesn't think you're right for the part. Hold on.

Yo. Vinnie, how goes it?

Not well. My mom's all over me.

She's treating me like she usually treats Johnny.

I'm sorry about that, buddy.

So what exactly did Gus say?

Listen, Gus says he loves you but just not for this.

All right, what did he really say?

He's not a fan.

He's not a fan.

Tell him you'll read for it.

Really? Yeah, you'll make him a fan.

What's the idiot saying?

He thinks I should read.

Vinnie, you haven't auditioned in years.

So what? You don't think I can?

Vince. I'm not afraid to audition, Ari.

I can turn him.

I like the fire. I'll set it up.

Great. Thanks.

Back to basics.

I can give you plenty of advice on how to audition, bro.

He needs advice on how to successfully audition.

Yo, Vinnie Chase!

I've booked my fair share of jobs, you jerkoff.

Including this one right here.

One in a million's not the odds we're looking for.

Vince knows how to audition. He had to start somewhere.

Guys, I don't want to talk about it.

Let's just go say hi to Aunt Darcy for Ma and then we'll hit Don Pepe's for some baked clams, okay?

You can't just say hi to Aunt Darcy.

Welcome home!

Oh my God. Ma, how did you b*at us here?

I'm sneaky like that.

So how's it feel to be back home?

Are you kidding? I always love coming home and seeing everybody.

We're all so proud of you.

Even when your movies get sh*t reviews, we're still proud, Vinnie.

Hey, that's not nice. Would you excuse me for a second?

So when are we gonna see you in another good movie?

Soon, I hope. Very soon.

Let's just say he may be starring in Gus Van Sant's new movie.

Oh, nice.

Hey, Drama, you gonna be in that movie too?

The closest he's getting to Gus Van Sant is whacking it to "My Own Private Idaho."

Hey, Turtle, watch that mouth or I'll wash it out with Palmolive.

Would you stop? Hear hear, shut up.

And get off that thing. You're at a party.

What?

Seriously, who do you keep texting with?

Nobody.

I'm gonna get some air. You guys are crazy.

He won't even let him audition?

He said he doesn't want to waste anyone's time.

Jesus, I don't even know how to tell Vince that.

You knew how to tell him to read before checking with me.

Ari, you've got to get Gus to do you a favor and see him.

A favor to cover up your f*ck up or a favor for Vince?

For Vince. He needs this right now.

He might not be showing it, but he's hurting.

That sucks, but there are certain realities we need to face up to in this life.

And one of them is that Vince ain't getting in a Gus Van Sant movie.

Will you call Gus back?

No, I won't. Fine, then I f*cking will.

Leave me alone. Who you talking to?

Hey, Johnny, maybe it's a girl.

Impossible. Why?

We all want to know who you're talking to, Turtle.

But I will give it to the highest bidder.

50 bucks. Give me the Berry, Ronnie.

Sold. Give it to me.

He deleted everything.

You don't think I know how to cover my tracks?

Hey, you still owe me 50.

Take it off my tab from the last time you lost me money.

You still can't be mad. I got opportunities for you, Drama.

I'm not even hearing you, Ronnie. We'll talk tonight.

Can I get a rum and Coke?

Well, look who it is.

You didn't think I'd miss the one-who-got-away's homecoming parade.

I'm glad you didn't. How are you doing, Cara?

I'm good. How are you?

I-I'm great.

Hey, Cara. How you been?

Great. Really great now that I can get my once-every-five-years update on how my old crew is doing.

What did Ari say?

You want to... That's okay.

Gus won't see you.

He won't even let me read?

Wow.

All right, f*ck Hollywood.

You know what? Let's go have some old school fun.

You guys go. I'm gonna go into the city and see Gus.

E, come on. What?

You just gonna go knock on his door and beg him to let me audition?

I tried calling him.

If Ari couldn't do it, forget it.

Do you want to do this movie or not, Vince?

I did this morning, but this is stupid.

Well, let me try.

Okay, try. Thank you.

I'll see you guys later. Have fun. It was good to see you, Cara.

Bye, E.

Mr. Murphy. Hi.

Hi. Shawn, we spoke on the phone.

Yeah, hey. Is Gus around?

Well, as I told you on the phone, Mr. Van Sant doesn't have time to talk with you today. So sorry.

I totally understand. Actually, I don't even need to talk.

I just wanted to give him these Vincent Chase movies to look at.

I picked these up. Sure, I'll give them to him.

Actually, do you think I can give them to him personally?

Um, he's not in right now and he might not be back for hours.

You know what? That's okay.

I don't mind waiting. I won't bother anyone, I promise.

Great. Thanks.

You know I got fired off my last movie?

I know.

Who told you? "Us Weekly."

You read "Us Weekly"?

A future M.B. A?

God, that is so sad.

I don't know what's gonna happen.

I just know I can't take another year like this.

What does E say?

E?

E says a lot of things.

I just don't know who I should listen to anymore.

Just listen to yourself.

So this is the guy who doesn't believe in appointments?

Mr. Van Sant, how are you? Eric Murphy.

Look, I'm sorry to drop in on you like this, but if I could just have five minutes of your time.

Walk with me, but only 'cause Ari's a friend.

So what didn't I make clear to Ari that I should make clear to you now?

Well, nothing, but I know Vince can do this part.

And I know he can't, so where does that leave us?

I think that if you just looked at some of his work you'd see it.

I've seen all of his work. Probably not all of it.

You've seen "Head On"? Yup, saw it.

Well, what about "Queens Boulevard"?

Not a lot of people saw that but it was an amazing performance.

At Sundance the "New York Times" said he might win an Oscar.

But he didn't. No, he didn't.

And I saw it. What about "Aquaman"?

Everyone saw "Aquaman" and I see everything.

What about the scenes from the last movie he just sh*t?

"Smokejumpers." I know you didn't see those.

So you're gonna sell me on Vince based on a $120 million film that was shut down because the director didn't like his work?

Look, I know he can do this.

Please, just take a look at the scenes.

So you're kind of desperate, huh?

Yeah, well, it doesn't mean I'm wrong.

Okay, send over some scenes. I'll take a look.

Thank you.

Thank you very much.

You really are an idiot, E. Ari.

Say it out loud: "I am a f*cking idiot."

Just call Dana Gordon.

Yo, watch out, man. What's up?

Have her overnight them.

It's an unreleased disaster. She'll never let them out.

You got her the job. You could get her to do it.

I don't want to get her to do it.

All right, fine. You know what, Ari?

You call Gus and you tell him that, 'cause he rearranged his whole schedule to be there when they arrive and I told him you were sending them.

f*ck!

I'm not investing in a bar, Ronnie.

Think of it this way: You'll be investing in the old neighborhood, huh?

TV star makes good, huh?

Come on, Drama. Think about all the great times we've had in this place.

'94, game six, John Starks.

Come on, you remember.

I do, I do. And I remember coming here trying to forget game seven.

This place is still packed every night.

So how did Philly fall so behind?

He's a degenerate gambler.

So why would I want to invest with him?

He's in the program now.

30 Gs and he's back on his feet.

He won't make the same mistake again.

Ronnie, forget it.

Like my last investment with you, I'll never see my money again.

Maybe you wouldn't. Right.

But I think Philly might let you change the name.

Vince.

What's up, buddy? Long day?

Yeah. I waited in Gus's office for six hours today.

Does he still hate me?

Well, he definitely hates me.

Is he gonna let me read or what?

He's gonna watch the "Smokejumpers" footage tomorrow.

Ari got Dana Gordon to Fedex it to him, so we still got a sh*t.

Not a very good one. Yeah, but it's still a sh*t.

Excuse me, buddy.

Jesus, Turtle. Sorry, I've got to take...

Ha!

We want to know who you're talking to.

Give me the phone, Drama.

Come on, Turtle. Enough's enough. Who is it?

Vince, please don't make me tell you.

Just give me the phone back, please.

Oh no no no.

Turtle's phone. Hello? Who's this?

Ooh, it's a girl. His mother?

Hello? Can I tell Turtle who's calling?

It's Jamie, Drama.

Really?

Are you guys giving Turtle a hard time?

No no no. It's all in good fun.

Whatever. We're f*cking.

So can I please just talk to him?

Yeah yeah. Of course.

It's Jamie-Lynn.

They're f*cking and I'm gonna jump off the Triborough bridge.

Hey, sorry about that. They stole my phone.

Babe, relax. I don't care.

I just miss you.

She misses me.

I miss you too.

Phone sex?

I'll go outside.

Wow. Seriously.

All right, come on. Who's Jamie-Lynn?

Sigler from "The Sopranos." Meadow Soprano.

Oh, wow.

Well, bro, if Turtle can land Jamie-Lynn, there's no reason you can't get a Gus Van Sant movie.

I just hope he lets me read.

There's nothing to hope. He will.

And, Ronnie, you tell Phil that if this place is henceforth known as Johnny Drama's, I'm in. Yeah?

Yeah. Hey, everyone, I got an announcement to make.

The drinks are on me.

Or should I say, the drinks are on...

The house.

Show me the bar, let's go.

How you doing? Get this guy a drink.

The life of an actor...

Waiting around for the phone to ring.

Something kind of exciting about it, you know?

No. No.

Pussys.

Get out of my kitchen, Johnny.

I'm making my famous frittatas.

No, I'm nervous. And when I'm nervous I have to stay busy.

Any calls? No, nothing yet.

Relax, Ma. Look...

Some of us are not used to this kind of thing.

My God, I always thought it was you I was gonna have to worry about.

Never Vince. He'll be fine, Ma. Don't worry.

Morning, Mrs. Chase.

Oh, well, what have we here?

This is like old times, huh?

E, any calls?

Hey, don't even ask. Don't even ask. Sorry.

Well, now that you did...

Nothing yet. Did you track the package?

Are you even sure he got the movie? They're called dailies, Ma.

All right, whatever they're called, are you sure he got them?

Did you track the package? I tracked them.

I tracked them he definitely got them. Jeez.

Let's just focus on something else, guys.

Like what?

Turtle's got a girlfriend.

No. Who is she?

Jamie-Lynn Sigler from "The Sopranos."

Oh come on. Ha! That's why you're my ma.

One day you're all gonna believe in me.

Oh God!

Ma, just relax. It's cute.

It's a 212 number. Pick it up.

Come on. Hello?

Hey, Eric, what's up? Hey, Gus. Did you get the stuff?

I did. I really liked it.

Is there a way to talk to Vince about it?

Uh, yeah. He's right here.

Put it on speaker.

Ma, just chill.

Hey, Gus. How you doing?

Hey, Vince, I'm really glad your crazy manager got you back on our radar.

Oh yeah? He's a pushy one.

Yeah, he is.

Anyway, I watched your stuff and I really thought it was great.

You're definitely growing and definitely have something.

Just not for this movie.

Yeah, no. I understand.

But we should work together in the future. I mean that.

Thank you. Bye.

What did he say?

He said I'm on his radar and we'll work together, just not on this one.

All right, all right.

At least he appreciates how good you are.

Yeah.

That's cool, bro. You'll get the next one.

f*ck! Vincent!

Sorry.

Sorry, I...

I just need to go for a walk.

I got it. I'll be back.

Vince. Vince.

I really don't want to talk about this right now, E.

We're gonna be all right. We just did a lead.

Things didn't go as we planned, but everything's gonna be fine.

You sure? You're always so f*cking sure.

How do you really know? I just do.

Yeah? Just like you knew about this?

Ari told you no and you kept pushing.

And now not only did you embarrass yourself, you embarrassed me.

Embarrassed you? Gus Van Sant likes you now.

You believe him? Come on.

He won't even let me audition.

Who knows if he even watched the footage?

Vince.

No, this year we said... We swore we were gonna listen to Ari.

And guess what? Again you didn't.

What am I supposed to do? Do nothing and stand by and hope something magically appears?

Yeah, maybe.

'Cause since you've been my manager, everything you've pushed for has gotten me to this point.

Are you serious? I've been the one working for you to get you what you want when no one else cared.

Yeah, well maybe that's what I needed, someone looking out for my career, not my personal interests.

I was doing both. Well, whatever it is you were doing clearly isn't working. Two years ago I was starring in movies.

Now people won't even let me audition.

One person won't let you audition.

You have to stay positive, Vince, you know that.

Are you serious?

I have done nothing but stay positive.

I have listened to everything you've wanted me to do.

And now I got a house full of people who can really see what a failure I've turned into.

Vince, come on. No.

We said when we started this it was gonna be about the business, not the friendship.

It's time for a change, E.

You f*ring me?

The business isn't working, is it?

Whatever.

I'm not gonna grovel. Go find someone better.

'Cause I can live with myself knowing I busted my ass and I gave everything I had to you.

I know you did, E. But it wasn't enough.

Yeah, f*ck you.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Los Angeles International Airport.

Please make sure that all baggage is not left unattended.

Drama's.

Johnny Drama's. Yeah.

I love it. I love it.

Yo, E. It's me again.

Look, I don't want this to affect our friendship.

Nothing is more important to me than that.

Call me.

Are you wet?

I'm wet and your big cock is in my mouth.

That's where my big cock likes to be.

Turtle! Ma?

Who are you talking to like that in my house?

Your father would roll over in his grave.

Jamie, I've got to call you back later.

Off the phone now!

f*ck. God damn it!

E, you're late. Everything's fine.

You're nervous. You ready to go?

Yeah, I'm psyched to blow these network freaks away.

Yeah? You gonna blow Jimmie Kimmel away?

What do you mean?

Just got off the phone with his people.

They want you to do a little standup on the show to plug the pilot.

That cool? Yeah, boy, it is. What?

All right, let's do this.

You wanna get that, man? No.

Hey, everybody. Hey hey.

All right.

You can just keep that. Thank you.

Okay, Lloyd, get him on the phone now.

Jesus, is this what you call a New York vacation?

Where's the glamour? Where's the b*tches?

Look who's here. Welcome to Johnny Drama's.

This must be Ari.

Ari, Cara. Cara, Ari.

I apologize. I was talking about these b*tches, not you.

Ari, let me get you a beer, huh?

Just make it a quick one 'cause I got a big meeting tomorrow.

Look at you. It's good to see you. Nice of you to drop by.

Actually, I've got a little bit of business as well, Vinnie.

Oh yeah? What's going on?

It's right here. Lloyd, you got him?

Indeed I do.

Here's Vinnie.

Hello? Hello, Vince?

Hey, it's Marty Scorsese.

Hi. Hello.

Yeah, listen, you got a minute to talk?

Uh, yeah. Indeed I do.

Okay, well look, Gus was kind enough to send me some of the rushes in that picture you were in about the forest fires or whatever.

And I saw them and I thought you were terrific.

And I'd love to offer you a part in my new picture.

Really?

Yeah, it's a reimagining of "The Great Gatsby," modern day set in the upper west side of New York.

And I think you'd be perfect for Nick Carraway.

What do you think of that? Um, amazing.

Great. If you'd like to come in and talk about the details...

Okay. Okay, see you soon then.

All right, thank you. Thank you. Bye.

Uh, I'm gonna be in a Scorsese movie.

Correction.

You're gonna be the lead in a f*cking Scorsese film.

You talkin' to me?

That's my De Niro. No good?

This is unreal!

Look at that. Young love, huh?

And it sh**t in New York as well, if that helps.

Nice.

Thank you, Ari.

Thank you. You know what? Don't thank me, thank E. For once in his life the little McNugget delivered.

Where is the little freak anyway?

Hey look, it's not flashy, all right?

But it rides nice. And it's practical.

Still kind of cool. Very cool.

If the pilot gets picked up I'm getting a Porsche.

It will get picked up. But wait till season two gets the go ahead before you get the Porsche, okay?

You got it. See you, Charlie.

Hey, E. Thanks for everything.

You're welcome, buddy.

Hey, Jane. Any calls?

No, but there's a pretty package waiting inside for you.

You just gonna keep ignoring my calls?

I wasn't ignoring them. I saw you through the window.

Well, my phone is broken.

What are you doing here?

Well, since you wouldn't answer the phone, I flew in to apologize personally.

Oh, wow. I appreciate that.

I said some things...

I was really feeling awful about myself and I took it out on you.

Do you accept my apology?

Yeah, I do.

Any chance you might be my manager again?

I don't know about that, Vince.

I think maybe some of the things you said were right.

I did f*ck some things up and I guess I got in Ari's way a little bit.

I'm okay with that now.

I got some things going on and you will too.

I got something going on:

The lead in Scorsese's next movie.

What? How?

Good management.

You in?

Come on, I don't want to do this without my brother.

Yeah, I'm in. Scorsese?

That's crazy. Congratulations.

Thank God. That scene was getting way to gay for my tastes.

We missed you, E.

Turtle. How are you, man?

Let's go get wasted.

Let's do it. I like it.

Where to? Where to?

You guys ready for what's coming? It's gonna be big.

I've been ready for a long time.

But don't worry. I won't let it go to my head.

I just put you in a Scorsese movie.

I might let it go to mine.

Your Oscar's gonna look great right next to my Emmy, bro.

Let's not get greedy. Come on, let's.

Reach for the stars, baby.

Yeah! You know it.