05x04 - An Old Start

[bunniefuu]

Now the story
of a wealthy family

who lost everything,
and the one son who had no choice

but to keep them all together.

It's...

Michael Bluth was visiting
the family business,

hoping to find Lucille Austero,

who was now a majority stakeholder,

to thank the woman...

- They closed the company.
- ...for forgiving his debt.

- Don't mind me, I work downstairs.
- Hi.

Doing a little lunch looting.

- You?
- It was my family's company.

I'm Michael Bluth.

Hey.
You guys put me in my first house.

Oh, yeah,
a lot of people's first house was a Bluth.

No, no, I was part of that
Cornballer class action suit.

- I see.
- Yeah,

I made enough to put a down payment
on a Sitwell.

Well, we've put a lot of people
in Sitwells, too.

Uh... oh, God, well, you caught us.

Didn't think anybody would be getting on
while we were getting off.

What did you do to the Bluth Company?

You've been president two weeks.

- Took us to the next level.
- An iPhone 5 charger!

Fourth floor

Even the landlord was surprised
by the move.

Not only would you have to pay

a penalty to get out of your old lease,
but the rent is double.

Just to see the roof of a Rite Aid?

Which was the first that G.O.B.
had heard of the view.

I'll take it.

Okay, okay. Okay.

Ding.

So?

What do you think?

It used to be a 2 Hour Teeth,
the whole place.

Yeah, I remember the screams.

I guess it was the 90 Minute Tooth guys
across the street

that put the 2 Hour guys out of business.

I did see that the old Blockbuster
is becoming

an "Hour Mouth," so those guys
gotta be sh1tting themselves.

Why did you move the business?
This is exactly the same.

Says the guy who hasn't seen
the roof of the Rite Aid yet.

Where's the nitrous?

This will not be used
as the conference room?

Uh, no. I had to kind of...
I had to move it,

just, uh, for a couple reasons, actually.

A, I wanted a bigger office.

- That feels like the heart of it.
- Yeah, it is,

- but, uh... Hey.
- Sure.

Check out that view.

Boy, what's a bike tire doing
on the roof of the Rite Aid?

Yeah, that's the $14,000 a month question,
isn't it?

When they said you were the president
of the Bluth Company,

I assumed it was in name only.

That they hired you to actually work
seems wrong.

Do you even know what a mortgage is?

No, he doesn't. He doesn't know anything.

You do, though.

You're the smart Bluth,
I can see it in your eyes.

You read, don't you?

Adhir is a holdover
from the Austero Company.

He's our compliant officer.

Or as I like to call him, Chief Worrywart.

It's "compliance officer."

Uh, hey, uh, so you worked
for the Austero Company?

Uh, they forgave a big debt of mine.

How would I get ahold
of Lucille Austero?

- No one knows, I'm afraid.
- Okay.

That's it,
go to your office, Adhir.

He's the chief compliant officer,
so he has to do whatever I comply.

I'm assuming that's

where the conference table went.

It's probably too big
for that room,

and I would get it out,
but I can't quite remember

how I got it in there.

Like you, I'm about to go underwater,
but before I go,

I'd like to give you some advice:
you're not good at this.

Yeah. I know. But it's important to Dad.

Want to know the thanks I'm getting?

Dad is giving a trophy to Lindsay, not me,

for the family of the year
ceremony tonight.

Hm. Great, well,

Dad didn't get a trophy for doing
what you're doing, and he actually did it.

Well, that's not the worst way
to make Dad love me.

I will get a trophy
for Dad, for... something.

- Mm.
- Figure that out later.

Dad's never gonna give you
what you're looking for.

And, uh,
maybe that's how it should be.

Maybe when sons grow up,
they're not supposed to be too close

to their fathers.

And maybe the best thing
a father can do for his son

is disappear for a while
and let him figure out

what kind of man
he wants to be on his own.

At least, that's what I've tried to do.

Then why did you move
into your son's dorm room?

That was a year, okay?

And not even a full year,
because I got there at Thanksgiving.

Okay, well, goodbye forever, G.O.B.

I'll be seeing you tonight.

Michael returned to the model home
to get his scuba equipment.

But before he left town,
he thought he'd take

one last look
at his son's childhood bedroom.

Uh... George Michael?

Father.
It's me, George Michael.

Think fast.

Tobias.

Michael.
Yes, well, this is embarrassing.

Not only are you finding me
in your son's pants,

but you're also finding out
how the sausage is made.

I don't understand a thing you said.

Well, I was doing some character work
for, um,

uh...

I'm doing a little character work
to prepare

for the awards ceremony...

How did...

Why do they only have one...?

Yes... oh! Uhp!

- Okay, back...
- You all right?

Oh! Um...

There you go.

- Just an acting exercise.
- Sure.

You're supposed to be George Michael now?

Oh, well, it's a character role,
really, and let's face it.

No one was buying me as a straight man.

It was a little off-brand.

I'm just trying to find

my place in the Bluth family...

...now that, uh...

Lucille's almost done with me
as her therapist

and Lindsay has...
what does Gwyneth Paltrow say?

"Consciously un-cuckold" me.

You want to stay a part
of the Bluth family?

I have a feeling...

you do, too.

Despite your claims of leaving.

No, no, it's not a claim. I'm leaving.

You always seem to be.

Well, I'm doing it.

I'm gonna map the ocean floor.

Michael, if I could...

put my therapist leggings on
for one second.

- Just sit, sit, sit, sit, sit,
- Yeah, sure.

- Sit, sit, sit, sit, sit, sit, sit.
- Tobias, please.

I would just say that

you're trying to run away from people
before they have a chance

to run away from you,
because that's what the people

you love do.

Isn't it?

What people?

Your wife.

- Uh...
- Your son.

Or should I say...

...me?

Don't. Uh, you know...

- "Why'd Mommy leave, Daddy?"
- Tobias...

"- I didn't leave.
- I loved you bo..."

I don't think you want to go there, okay?

Yes, yes, yes. I suppose I did...

start too high.

Okay, let's bring everyone down an octave.

- "Why did Mommy leave, Daddy?"
- Tobias...

- "I didn't leave. I loved you both."
- Listen.

Tobias, listen,
I don't want you playing my son.

And I'm not confused at all
about what happened to Tracey.

Really?
Because you certainly never talk about it.

I was raising a son.
Think I want to burden him

with memories
that are gonna make him feel worse?

Please. What about Michael's memories?

Why can't you go back to the last place
you saw Tracey? Hmm?

- The family beach cottage?
- No, no,

I was thinking more, uh, uh,

- metaphorically.
- Yeah.

But that's where we spent
the last months of her life.

And-and after she d*ed,

the family sold that house.

It was one of the kindest things

that-that they ever did for me.

- Do you think that I should go there?
- Uh,

my number one rule is
"don't tell Michael...

what to do."
Now, um, I will say, though,

I wish I had known
you'd had such depth

before I gave your part away
to a less experienced actor.

I didn't know there was such a thing.

Get your stuff. We're out of here.

And where are we going, Father?

Nowhere.
I was just practicing the new skit.

Remember the line where he says,

- "Get your stuff"?
- I'm improv'ing,

you over-intending schmactor.

This is the simplest character
in the entire family.

He has one personality trait:

he always comes back.

Well, that and he always has his hands
in his pockets.

You got peanuts in there?

Okay, why am I staying here for this?

Why can't I just be your son?

Oh, there is no son anymore.
He cut the part.

And I can't be your father.
I'm not a straight man.

Why are we staying here for this?
Anyway, Michael,

in his haste to leave town,
arrived at the dock

for his ocean floor mapping expedition

for what he was certain
was a six-bells departure.

No, we leave at 6:00 p.m.

You telling me we've got a 14-bell delay?

I don't know, man.
But we leave in seven hours.

Yeah. Okay.

And he was encouraged
to use the time

to try out his undersea
camera survey equipment.

All right, let's have it.
Great. Look at that, huh?

And once in the water,
Michael felt like he was

finally able to let go of the past
and forget about

everything he was leaving behind.

George Michael, meanwhile,
felt no such peace.

Although he was surprised
that his evasive run-in with his father...

There's enough of these
for this to be a thing?

...was less dramatic

than he recalled.

And he sought out Maeby
at what she'd said was her new place.

- Hello.
- Looking for a grandparent?

No, thank you. I...
No, I have enough. I'm, uh...

I think I might be at the wrong address.

I'm looking for someone
who I cannot imagine meets

- your residency requirements here.
- Rose, he's fine.

It's all right. He's with me.

This is
where you're living, a senior center?

Yeah, just wait.
Hey, Rose, do you mind?

Thank you.

I needed somewhere
to lay low

until the Perfecto thing blew over.

But you said
this place was incredible.

- This is incredible!
- Right?

Why is the lobby
so off-putting?

That's what the seniors do
to keep the young people away.

They don't want "dot-commers" taking over.

- Nice. Like you and me.
- Exactly.

How were you able to get in?

When I came back from Mexico,

I found a parking pass
in Lucille 2's Cadillac, right?

And, apparently,
she kept a place for these "trysts"

with old lovers from years ago.

Or they were co-owners or something.

But they just kept it here, empty,

until one of them needed it.

So that was lucky.

I just had to make myself
look older, you know?

Yeah, I would think that that'd
be a great use of the gray wig.

No, I went down that road.

But wasn't expecting
how upsetting it is

to see one's self grown old.

The moment
when a young woman realizes...

Oh, my God,
I've become my father.

♪ In the most delicious way! ♪

Oh, so this is a choice.

I didn't want to say anything,

but I was like, "Maeby looks
like a 65-year-old."

- What if I told you I was 75? Hmm?
- Holy sh*t.

- You look fantastic.
- Right?

It's the teeth. It's the same guy
who's doing my meth teeth,

you know,
for the family of the year thing.

Where I write a speech for my mom,
she talks about how great I am, then...

Then you open your mouth
and you're like,

"So why do I have to turn tricks
for meth money?"

I don't know how you keep
all your scams straight.

Well, this old lady one is a big,
big score.

I mean, when people catch on,
they either forget or they die.

And, I mean,
this place is a dream.

Nobody even locks their doors.

Of course,
what is there to steal?

A few barstools and some family pictures?

Anyway, that's how I got those barstools
and all these great pictures of grandkids.

- What a beautiful family you've stolen.
- Mm.

What are you gonna do if Lucille 2
or the friend she owns this with shows up?

He kind of already has.

Maeby had only been
in the place for a week

and had spent most of that time
trying to trap a swan in her condo...

What's your problem? It's tuna.

...when she came across a stranger,

whom longtime viewers
will be mildly surprised

- to recognize is Stan Sitwell.
- Hello.

- But whom Maeby did not.
- Hello.

Do you live in one of these?

- This one's mine, yes.
- Well, that's strange.

Do you realize this condo
is listed as Lucille Austero's?

Yes. I am her.

Sister.

I am her sister.

You're going the wrong way.

Annette?

Great idea. Do you think they have one?

Have what?

Annette. Yes, that's me.

And you are?

Stan. I must admit,
I'm a little confused right now.

Our agreement was that this place
would revert back to me once Lucille...

...gave up her interest.

Well, I don't know anything about that.

She signed it over to me.

I'd like to see that paperwork.

Yes.

Well, I recently moved here
from New Orleans,

- and I...
- Maeby was proud of this lie.

...lost all my personal paperwork
in Hurricane Cantina.

Ooh. That's complicated.

Yes. It is.

Unless I'm expected to lose a home
for the second time.

Of course, I could just pack up
my shorty shorts,

my silky pajamas, my peekaboo bras,

my ticklers, sex knobs, and lacy hoo-has

and hit the road.

I can't ask you to do that.

This place is yours?

Not yet, but maybe I'll kick him out
sooner than later.

Maybe I'll kick him out
once he gets off that g*dd*mn chair.

That's him?

- Yeah.
- Why aren't we whispering?

Oh. He can't hear a thing.

- He's got horrible aids.
- Shoedini!

The world's first shoe horn...

Oh, hearing aids.

Yeah, yeah, here they call them aids.

The other ones they call
aids.

Don't worry, if he asks who you are,
I'll just tell him you're Tom Collins.

He's always asking for a Tom Collins.

Believe me, I'm in over my head enough
as it is being George Maharis.

Which is what I wanted to talk
to you about.

So I told my Dad
that I was still dating Rebel.

What? Why'd you do that?

You told me to do it. It was your idea.

- Mm-mm.
- I mean, I still haven't even seen her

- since I punched him.
- No, no, no.

I told you that your dad
is still in love with Rebel.

And that telling him you haven't seen her
would be more hurtful.

You perverted that
into a way to not hurt him.

And then I had to turn down
this scuba trip, which is also rude,

and if he finds out he's gonna say,

"You lied to me, George Michael,
and that's worse."

You know he's gonna say
"and that's worse."

You would've had to lie about scuba,
'cause you would've been scared.

Why do you say I'm scared of scuba?
I'm not.

You passed out at the aquarium.

They make you feel like you're underwater
with all these giant...

- Dolphins?
- I think that was some kind of smiling,

kind of bemused baby shark.

I don't know, things are volatile

with my dad right now.
It feels very combustible.

Feels like we're on the edge of
physical menace or something,

which I've trained myself for,
but has he been training, too?

What was that in the hallway?

Look. Here's my advice. Okay?

You go to Rebel's,

you take my bag of lacy ticklers,
hoo-ha bras, dog toys,

and sex knobs with you.

And you act like you're expecting
a booty call,

as the old people think
the young people say.

All right?
You tell her, "I'm here for a quickie,

and I'm out of here."

Mr. Brash.
And she'll drop you like a buttered cane.

- Something old people say?
- Yeah. I'm trying to get it going.

- That's cool.
- George Michael's father

had drifted farther south
than he realized,

despite swimming with a GPS system

that cost roughly as much
as Buster's left thumb.

And he soon found himself

on a part of the beach he hadn't been to
in over 20 years.

♪ I'm coming home ♪

♪ Home, home ♪

I love that house.

Yeah. My family used to own it
back in the '80s.

Too bad they sold it,
it's worth a fortune now.

My wife d*ed there.

Ovarian cancer, actually.

- He's a liar.
- And...

He shouldn't have said that.

- Ignore the man.
- Good to see you.

And Michael decided that
perhaps Tobias was right.

Perhaps he did need to look the grim truth

of mortality... in the face.

Oh sh*t, he found out.

Michael had just discovered

his family never sold
their family cottage.

...lied to me, and that's worse.

I am stunned. I just...
I literally saidit would be so great

if my family had kept the cottage.

We did.

I know. You shouldn't have.

Well, then either way, you're unhappy.

I mean, pick a lane.

You pick... you pick a lane.

What did you want us to do, Michael?

It was a horrible time
for the housing market.

Were we supposed to lose
our precious daughter-in-law

and a couple hundred grand
in the same year?

- Why didn't you just tell me?
- Because we love you.

- And nobody wanted your feelings hurt.
- Mm.

- That was rule one.
- Rule one?

It slipped down a little
when we put in the new floors.

And by that point, you were already dating

and in love with that total re...

that totally lovely Rita.

Uh, she was a smart cookie, that one.

Nice try, Mom.

And we didn't want to bring up
those bad old memories.

Besides, this place already
has enough bad ones for me.

My mother d*ed here.

G.O.B. was born here.

And I'm sure you've heard,

it was also your father's pad.

Only from the next room.

Please believe me,
if I could turn back time,

- I never would've answered that door.
- I know.

Were you slightly worried

that I might come out here one day, Mom?

H-Honestly, I never thought
you'd get past the guard gate.

I could barely get past them
when Tobias and I got here.

Tobias.
He's the one that put coming out here

- in my mind in the first place.
- He what?

- As a metaphor.
- You're out!

But I've already pinked away my sideburns

to play Buster at the family of the year
ceremony tonight.

And Buster's already invited a date.

Come out
and meet your boyfriend, Lucille.

Murph?

Oh, I see you finally figured out
how to use that contraption.

I'm on the phone.

- Just one second.
- What?

I'm talking on the phone.

Who are you talking to?

Didn't you tell me I was supposed
to be busting with my girlfriend?

I said, you're Buster's girlfriend.

Oh. Hang on.

Wait. Wait.

- Am I supposed... Am I your boyfriend?
- No!

You are... I'm... A girl.

You're a girl, Linds,
uh, Murphy B... Lucille.

- Is he supposed to be me?
- Uh-uh-uh, Lucille Number 2.

She's quite the grande dame.

It's basically Michael
without the peanut pockets.

You know,
you're playing her like you played

that stammering mess of a Buster,
and it won't do.

Sometimes I don't even think
that you want to be an actor.

Actually, sometimes,
I think I want to be a dog doctor. Ow!

This is the role of a lifetime.

Now, I know 50 gentlemen

who would tuck their last nut
to play this part.

Okay?
Now, he saves it for the day.

When you see him at the campaign event,
you'll think you're looking at

a 72-year-old pink mustachioed
Lucille Austero.

- We can't have Lucille Austero!
- We can't have Lucille Austero.

She's running against Lindsay,
for God's sake.

For God's sake.

I don't even know why I'm having
this conversation.

You're out!
We don't even need a Buster.

Well, at least you're being honest
about that.

So you admit you've got Buster.

This again?
Why would I hide Buster from you?

You want me to think that he's missing.

You're trying to teach me a lesson.
You're trying to get even

because I'm trying to teach...

I don't know why you're trying

to teach me a lesson,
so lesson not learned, Mother.

Michael, did you do something

for which we should be
teaching you a lesson?

Mother!

He's here, isn't he?

Tell me he's not in that bedroom,

- not where Tracey...
- Don't go in there.

...spent her last...

Oh, someone told Michael.

Does this mean we can start leaving towels
on the floor?

What are you doing?

I'm making this into a trophy for Dad.

I can't wait to see
the one you got yourself.

Uh, yeah, Michael. Please.

I'm the president or CEO
or whatever of the Bluth Company.

I control the company checkbook,
so I don't need

false things to make me feel important.

- Okay.
- There's no trophy for that.

Although he did visit

- a trophy store earlier that day.
- It's a good time to be in this business.

Everyone gets a trophy.

I tell people to stay away
from the business.

It's always been a lousy business,
and these days

- everybody shops online.
- Everybody gets a trophy.

A trophy, huh? Yeah.

Well, that may be, but tell me this,

how many people get a whole
trophy store?

Oh, yeah.

You can't be serious.

So the guy was like,
"Are you sh1tting me?"

That's usually the sign
that you've made yourself a great deal.

So, I told him, "I'm gonna need you
to cobble together one last trophy,

old trophy cobbler,

for the family of the year
ceremony tonight."

And I said, "I want you to find
the biggest golden anchor you can find."

So they didn't have one of those?

No, he didn't even have keys
to the back room.

Also, the heat doesn't turn off.

This took a couple hours,
so once I give this to Dad,

then I'll have Joni Beard
give me the deed to the trophy store.

Wait till you see it!

I'm not gonna be there. Oh, uh...

let me ask you a question,
and I want you to be honest with me.

Are you doing something with Busty?

Michael was referring
to his missing brother, Buster.

But G.O.B., who hadn't been with a woman
since he'd gotten closer to this man...

I was wondering what
you were going to pop out of.

- ...I mean this one...
- Vámonos.

...thought that "Busty"
was referring to this woman...

Where's the nitrous?

...whom he really hadn't done
much fooling with at all.

Which is why he answered...

- eventually...
- Yes.

Got my answer.

You really don't care
about your children's feelings, do you?

Oh, you're one to give parenting lessons.

I hear I'm not the only one
whose son has a nasty left hook.

Hmm, yeah, well...

You know, at least he did something

that we have not been able to do.

He stood up for himself
when his father was wrong.

In fact, it might be the thing

that I'm most proud of him for.

Hope he knows that.

Uh, he definitely does not.

- What's that?
- I just saw him...

uh, heard him, rather... at the model home
when I was on my way out.

- George Michael's at the model home?
- Well, if it wasn't him,

it was somebody who certainly did

a heck of a lot better
impression of him than me.

- Well, that could be anyone.
- Well, well...

Goodbye forever.

See you tonight.

- See you tonight.
- See you tonight.

So, Michael changed
and raced to the model home.

But his hopes for an emotional

- father-son reunion...
- Hey.

I'm sorry if things got, uh...
Are you crying? Hey.

...were ruined...

- Hey.
- Oh.

...by an emotional father-son reunion.

Tonight's the big night.

Family of the year day.

What are you doing
in George Michael's bed?

Oh... just a little...

...just a little
weep and sleep, you know.

- Uh-huh.
- Yeah.

Want to be the big man, so...

Can't do it at the office, obviously,
and Lindsay's at the penthouse,

and I can't go to the cot...

Well, we don't... We only...
we only have the penthouse,

- so I-I, uh, I came here.
- Mmm.

I know about the cottage.

- I hated that rule.
- Okay.

- Michael?
- Hmm.

- I hated both rules.
- Oh, yeah, the towels.

Can I ask you a question?

How'd you get past the guard gate?

I came from the water.

I knew it. I told her. I told her,
"He's gonna take us from the beach."

Well, I am glad. I am glad you did.

Yeah, it's just your mother and her rules.

And I hated "no sand in the living room."

Why have a beach house

if every member of the family
can't enjoy it?

You look like
you're not enjoying anything.

- You all right?
- Yeah.

Your mom and I are...

We're not together.

We're not together in the...

well, I guess in, uh,
every meaning of that word.

I assumed that, but, uh,
why aren't you enjoying that?

Because your mom
is being courted, Michael.

Someone is fawning all over her.

- I knew she had Buster.
- No.

- I knew it.
- This one's not Buster.

I mean, I wish that guy was Buster.

Him I could fight, you know? You see,

this guy got past me.

How can your mother do this to me?

I knew I should've sold that property

when Stacy d*ed.

Tracey.

No, we would've lost a fortune

if we sold when Tracey d*ed.

No, Stacy was the paralegal
I used to bring out there

who went into insulin shock

at the very height of the market.

Sad.

How can she do this to me?

Yeah.

How can your mother do this?

Actually,
she hadn't done anything yet.

But a few weeks earlier at the cottage...

When my daughter wins this election,
we're going to be wall-to-wall wall.

Zàijiàn.

...a nuisance washed up
on her beach.

You know, I smashed my phone

a couple years ago, too. With a hammer.

Never missed it.

Miss the hammer, but I guess that's why

God made rocks.

But God made those rocks

and put them
in front of my cottage for me,

so let's just leave them there.

I know the law pretty well,

and I can pick up any rock I want.

Well, what do you use those for,
anyway, Sand Hippie?

- Making a yoga garden?
- No.

I throw 'em at people that got no business

being on this part of the beach.

He had done so for years...

Van Halen was in town
this weekend rocking audiences.

But some beachgoers are getting
rocked in a different way

by a group calling themselves
the Newport Bay Boys.

...in what started
as a cool, rich kid surfer g*ng

that had been possessive

about Newport's most beautiful cove...

Nirvana was in town
this weekend rocking audiences.

But some beachgoers are getting rocked
in a different way...

...and became a group

of kind of hip, middle-aged surfer men

defending their coastline.

50 Cent was in town
this weekend rocking audiences,

but some beachgoers are getting rocked
in a different way.

I think we're good, guys. They're gone.

Yeah, they're gone.

I'm Dusty.

That's a nice way to say it.

But let's not make a habit of this,
shall we?

Now, take your bucket full of rocks

and be gone.

But a habit of it he did make.

Hey!

Get off my beach, you stupid seagulls.

Oh, hi.

Care to join me
for a glass of breakfast wine?

And before long,
they were in the first stages

of a beautiful

early October-late November
relationship.

I mean, he's attracted to her.

He's attracted to her.

I'm sorry. Why would he be
attracted to her if he's blind?

And how did he burn off his fingertips?

I have no idea
what you're talking about.

I may have added the fingertips.

I assume if he's blind,
he's gotta feel her face.

But you said you never saw him
touch her face?

I never said he was blind.

Look, I'm sure it's nothing.
It's probably just

some harmless one-way flirting.
You know, or a Russian prank show.

Maybe I deserve it, you know,

'cause I can't, uh...

I can't deliver the goods.

I shouldn't have lied to you, Michael.

I'm not one to judge.

You know, look, I just...
I just told my son

that I broke up
with the woman that he's seeing,

and in retrospect,

I don't know, maybe she did not hear

"I'm leaving" when I said, uh,
"I ain't going nowhere."

Sounds like a "goodbye forever" to me.

Right? But if she tells my son,
uh, what I said,

you know what he's gonna say.

Uh, "You lied, and that's worse."

Yeah, you know, they can't wait
to say stuff like that.

Mm-hmm. Well,

I gotta tell her that that's
the last she's gonna see of me.

Yeah. I mean,
at least it won't destroy her life

like your mother did mine.

Yep. You gonna be okay here?

- I ain't going nowhere.
- Perfect.