06x06 - Don't Walk on the Grass"

[bunniefuu]

MARY ALICE:
Previously on Desperate Housewives.

I think you're a lousy mother.

Gabby was insulted.

Did you just say that to my face?

I closed the door to ask if you
would like to be my new senior VP.

Lynette chose
not to mention her pregnancy.

You get to stay in school.

Susan tried to protect Julie.

You sh*t me!

That g*n is under our real name!

I want to call the police.

And Angie had to protect her secret.

High road all the way.

- That's a good point.
- Mmm-hmm.

MARY ALICE:
Bree Hodge had a problem.

She did not want to fall in love
with Karl Mayer.

She was appalled
by his table manners.

What?

His personal ethics.

What?

And his wandering eye.

What?

No, Bree did not want to fall
for Karl Mayer,

but she knew in her heart
that she was starting to.

And that's why she also knew
the time had come...

We have to talk.

...to leave.

(CHUCKLING) Hey,
what's with the face? You dumping me?

Karl.

Oh, my God, you are dumping me.

We've both known
this couldn't last forever,

so let's end it now
before someone gets hurt.

But it's going so well.
I feel we're getting closer.

We are. That's the problem.

When I agreed to be your lover,
I felt quite sure that my disdain

for your vulgarity
and astounding lack of scruples

would preclude any chance
of my developing feelings for you,

but against all reason, it's happening.

I don't want to fall in love with a man
I'm not even sure I like.

I'm glad we're being careful
about no one getting hurt.

Please, let's not make this
any harder than it has to be.

Okay. You say we're done, we're done.

I was going to wait to give you this later,
maybe over dinner or something.

I guess now, it's sort of a parting gift.

- I couldn't.
- Open it.

(GASPS) It's beautiful.

And it's inscribed.
"To my dear and beloved Irene"?

Irene was my grandmother.

My grandpa gave it to her
on their first wedding anniversary.

Well, she had no granddaughters,
so she willed it to me.

She said, "Someday you'll find
the perfect woman to give this to."

And she was right.

I know how you feel.

I didn't plan on falling for you either.

And I don't blame you
for wanting to run the other way.

And for what it's worth, I love you.

And in that moment, Bree knew

the time to leave her lover
had come and gone.

MARY ALICE: Ann Peterson
was the principal

of Fairview Elementary School,

and she believed in rules.

She used them to teach hygiene,

to control behavior

and to instill order.

Yes, Mrs. Peterson believed in rules.

She also believed that those who
didn't follow them should be punished.

Okay. The camera is rolling.
Are there any words you'd like to say

before your daughter
makes her stage debut?

Let us pray.

Gabby! Juanita is going to see this.

Trust me, this is not footage
you're gonna want to keep.

Well, I'm sorry. I tried to work with her,

but you may as well know,
your daughter is talent-free.

She's only seven.
How bad could she be?

Well, I've already
looked through the program

to pick out a kid
we can pretend is ours.

I like Paige Glover.
I'm going to be her mommy.

(PIANO PLAYING)

My name is Myles Standish.

We have come to share with you
our bounty.

And to give thanks for this new land,

where we are free
from religious perskacootion.

(ALL CHUCKLING)

(STAMMERS)

Which one is Paige Glover?

(SHUSHES)

Religious perspacotion.

Where we are free from religious...

(WHISPERING) Persecution!
Read the corn! I wrote it on the corn!

(JUANITA STAMMERING)

Aw...

At that moment, Juanita Solis
chose to utter a certain four-letter word

(ALL GASPING)

for the very first time.

I did not write that on the corn.

Just promise me you won't have
a few drinks and get all kissy with me

like you did last week at the Bermans'.

You told me you don't want our friends
to know we're having marital problems.

Well, you don't have to maul me
to prove we're okay.

I don't like public displays of affection.

I know, these days,
they're the only kind I can get from you.

- Sorry we're late, Mike.
- It's okay. Come on in.

Oh, my God. I can't believe it!

It's just a pie, Susan.
I've brought them before.

No! The brooch that you're wearing!

- It's mine!
- Excuse me?

Karl gave it to me years ago.
Can I see it?

Well, I don't doubt
that it's similar, Susan,

but it can't possibly be the same one.

No. Yes! There's the inscription
to his Granny Irene!

Mike!

This is the same brooch
I lost 10 years ago.

You say you lost it?

Yeah, it was back when Karl
and I got divorced.

One day it was on my coat,
and the next, it was gone.

I never knew where it went.

- KARL: Hi, everybody.
- Well, now we know.

- Great to see you. See you, sweetheart.
- Hey, Karl! Get in here. Wait.

You are not going to believe this!
Bree found your grandmother's brooch!

- What?
- Yes, the one that Susan lost.

What an extraordinary coincidence.
Where did you get it, Bree?

She bought it, I'm assuming.

Oh, yes, at that little antique store
down on Pearl Street.

Yeah, so, obviously, whoever found it
must have sold it to that store.

Remember how mad you got
when I lost it? He really yelled at me.

- You yelled at her?
- I don't recall yelling.

You kind of did.

"How could you lose my grandmother's
brooch? It was a family heirloom!"

Unbelievable!

Yeah, that it would turn up again
after all this time.

Well, I'm glad I can give it back
to its rightful owner.

Oh, it's yours. You bought it.

I couldn't possibly wear it
knowing that Karl gave it to you.

Well, how much did it cost?
I'll reimburse you.

No need, dear. Trust me, it was a steal.

MAHONE Y: We gotta get him in here...
TOM: Just hold on, he's just...

Easy does it.

MAHONE Y: Are you really
gonna make pancakes?

TOM: Gee, watch it, watch it...

(BOTH CHUCKLING)

Porter, for God's sake,
people are trying to sleep!

Tom?

- Hey, honey.
- What are you doing here?

I thought you were gonna be
at the library studying.

Well, we were. And after we were done,

I told the guys I'd treat them
to pancakes, but the place was closed.

Yeah, so we peed on the building.

Give it up, T-Scav! Yo!

You're drunk.

Whoa, I beg your pardon. He's drunk.
I'm faced.

(GROANS)

Do you have a sink?

What did this library have,
a three-drink minimum?

Well, after the library, we went to a bar,

and they got into
a cutthroat game of Beer Pong.

And... Well, I'll just make them
some pancakes

- and take them home in the morning.
- The morning?

Can I talk to you a second, T-Scav,
away from these Beer Pong champs?

Actually, they lost,
and it was kind of controversial...

I don't care!
They're not staying here tonight.

Come on. Look at Neidermeyer.

I can't take him home to his mom
and dad. You know how parents are.

Of course I do! We're parents!

(MAHONE Y VOMITING)

Look,

I understand you want the kids
to like you so they can elect you

homecoming king or whatever,

but you are not going back to school
to have some second childhood.

- Enough is enough!
- Okay, okay. I hear you.

Hey, I hear you, too.
Want to keep it down?

(GROANS)

And as punishment, I'm having
Juanita draft a letter of apology

to every classmate and family member
who heard the verb in question.

That seems fair.

And of course,
she won't be allowed to participate

in the final two performances
of the Thanksgiving pageant.

- Of course.
- And she is also on cafeteria cleaning

- detail for the next two weeks.
- Absolutely.

- Not so fast.
- I'm sorry?

Oh, come on, Mrs. Peterson.
A letter of apology, fine.

Taking her out of the play,

hey, she deserved that
based on her performance alone.

- But let's not go overboard.
- Mrs. Solis,

this school has a zero-tolerance policy
when it comes to profanity.

And we respect that. Right, honey?

Stay out of this, sweetheart. You need
to take a second look at that policy.

Juanita made a little slip.
It wasn't intentional.

It's not like
she flipped the bird afterwards.

My ruling stands. If you can't
do the time, don't do the crime.

- What is this, Shawshank Elementary?
- This school is not at fault.

If you want to assign blame, you might
look to your dubious parenting skills.

- Oh, I wish you hadn't said that.
- Excuse me?

Well, Juanita learned
that word somewhere.

And you're saying I taught it to her?

No. I'm sure
it was whispered to her by the wind.

(CHUCKLES)

Let me tell you something,
Mrs. Peterson.

I am pulling Juanita out of this crappy,
crappy school. Come on, Carlos! Oh.

Crappy, huh? What a shame

Juanita won't be here to blurt that out
during the Pledge of Allegiance.

Oh, yeah? Well, here's a blurt for you...

(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)

...and the horse you rode in on!

Don't sh**t, it's just me!

Relax, Susan. It was a joke.
Is Mike here?

He is out on a job.

Oh, darn it. I wanted to talk
to both of you so I could apologize.

Over the past few weeks, I've let
my emotions get the best of me.

I'm sure you've noticed that
my behavior has been crazy.

- Just in the clinical sense.
- Well, that's over.

I don't want there to be
any more tension between us.

When we see each other on the street,

I want us to wave,
not dive behind a garbage can.

Oh, I didn't dive. I just dropped my keys.

I just want things to be normal again.

Let me play poker
with you and the girls.

If you throw a party, invite me.

Maybe you and Mike can have me over
for a barbecue sometime.

Given what's happened,
I just don't see a barbecue in our future.

Fine, Susan.

I was just hoping to be friends again

and show all those people
how wrong they were.

What people?

The ones who keep telling me

that I should sue you for...
What did they call it?

"Reckless endangerment."

Okay, I'm sorry.
Who are all these people?

Neighbors, well-wishers, a couple
of lawyers who dabble in civil lawsuits.

But I told them,
"No. I could never sue Susan.

"In spite of everything,
we're still friends."

But if that isn't true anymore...

Brunch! Mike and I
aren't really barbecue people.

We like a good brunch.
So, let's give that a sh*t.

I'm sorry,
that was just a bad choice of words.

(LAUGHS)

I love it. Sunday, around 11:00?
I'll bring a quiche.

Great.

- Aren't you glad I'm not crazy anymore?
- Oh, yeah, this is so much better.

We are over, Karl,
and this time, I mean it!

(CHUCKLING) Come on, Bree.

You're gonna dump me
over a lousy brooch?

It's not the brooch, Karl. It's you.

Stealing Susan's jewelry
and then berating her for losing it?

What kind of man does that?

How about a man whose wife's
taking him to the cleaners,

who wants to get back
a little of what she's costing him.

But how could you be so stupid
as to then give it to me?

Did it not occur to you that
she might see me wearing it?

Hey, when Susie and I divorced,
she lost a lot of things.

I forgot the brooch was one of them.

That's your defense?
That you stole so much, you lost track?

Let's not forget who had no problem

staging a fake burglary
to protect her stuff from Orson.

I am not proud of that.

I am even less proud of letting
my libido blind me to the fact

that I have been fornicating
with a morally bankrupt weasel!

- Well, not anymore. We're done!
- Wait!

Bree, will you marry me?

Excuse me?

I know, not the best time to ask.

But I was scared if I waited,
I wouldn't get another sh*t.

Do you think, for one instant,
I would even...

Don't feel you need to
answer right away.

I'm pretty sure what
the short-term response would be.

- But I love you, Bree.
- For God's sake, Karl!

And I'd be honored if you'd even
consider becoming my wife.

No!

I'm not done. The man who swiped
that brooch, that was the man I was.

The man I am now is a little better,

but he is nothing compared to the man

that I could be
with a woman like you as my wife.

(EXHALES)

There. Done.

- Karl...
- Don't say anything.

Just go. Think it over.

I only want to say...

(EX CLAIMING)

Just think.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

I hope I'm not disturbing you.
I just want to thank you for the...

Oh.

Are you okay?

- You're crying. What's wrong?
- No, nothing. What's up?

Okay. I just wanted to tell you
how well our plan is working.

- Our plan?
- Yeah.

The one about taking
the high road with Susan.

I was just over there,
she doesn't have a clue.

Who's that?

- My mother.
- Oh. Where does she live?

She doesn't.

- I'm sorry.
- Tomorrow would've been her birthday.

Every year this time,
I get a little depressed.

So, let's go out. I'll buy you lunch.

It's the least I can do
for my partner in crime.

(SIGHS)

- Okay, you got to stop with that.
- What?

This "our plan, partner in crime,"
this is your thing with Susan.

You do what you want to do.

Oh, you're just upset because of
your mother. You know what?

I'll bake you
a pineapple-upside-down cake.

Best thing in the world for depression.

(SIGHING) Well, I've called
every private school in the area.

No openings until September.

Damn it, Gabby. You couldn't wait
until summer to cuss out the principal?

I make no apologies.
She had it coming, and I'd do it again.

She att*cked our daughter.

Well, I'm glad
you're so devoted to Juanita

because you're about to be spending
a whole lot more time together.

- What are you talking about?
- I think we have no other choice.

You're going to have to
homeschool her.

(LAUGHING)

That's funny. Oh, you're good, Carlos.

We needed something
to cut the tension,

- but, seriously, what do we do?
- Seriously,

we enroll online, they send us
the curriculum and you teach her.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Before this gets ugly,

you do realize
I don't know how to teach.

Really?
You taught Juanita a few choice words.

Me? How about you?
"What a 'blank' of a day!

"Earl at the office is such a 'blank.'

"I want to kick the 'blank'
out of his 'blank."'

Oh, yeah? How about,

"That 'blanking' hairdresser totally
screwed up my 'blanking' hair!

"Look at me, I'm totally 'blanked!"'

"The 'blanking' client
didn't sign the deal

"and we lost a 'blank'-load of money!
(MOCK CRIES) 'Blank', 'blank', 'blank!"'

(SIGHS)

Okay, we are both at fault,
but you're homeschooling her.

Fine. But I know someone
who isn't getting "blanked" tonight.

Fine with me.
I "blanked" off earlier.

- Thanks again for the pie.
- You're welcome.

So, I see you're wearing the brooch.

I must say, it was awfully sweet of Karl
to give you his grandmother's jewelry.

When you were married,
did he do that sort of thing often,

- surprise you with little gifts?
- Constantly.

- Really?
- Yeah. Of course, after a while,

I knew that it just meant that
he'd cheated and was feeling guilty.

(CHUCKLES)

Once he went to Barbados and brought
me back a pair of sapphire earrings.

I cried for days.

Oh.

So, why the sudden fascination
with Karl?

Oh, I'm hardly fascinated, just curious.

When you talk
about your marriage to him,

it's always about the lies
and the cheating,

and you never really talk
about the good times.

Well, there were wonderful times.

Yeah, he was always a good kisser,
and he could always make me laugh.

You know, the truth is,
if he had begged my forgiveness...

I mean, if just once he had told me
that he was willing to change...

(EX CLAIMS)

Hell with Karl. In fact, here.

- No, Susan, it's yours.
- No, it's Karl's.

And the only jewelry
I should be wearing now is Mike's.

Well, if you insist.

And by the way, thanks.

It felt good to say a few nice things
about Karl for a change, you know?

Well, it was nice to hear them.

Here you go, Gabby. It's kind of old.

It's from before
the Soviet Union broke up.

The Soviet Union broke up?

You sure you know what you're doing
with this homeschooling thing?

Honey, Juanita's in first grade.
She'll believe what I tell her.

Hey, your phone... Ooh!

TOM: Ooh.

(CHUCKLES) I popped my button.

Actually, Lynette, I'm not surprised.

- What?
- Well, I wasn't going to bring it up,

but you have been getting
a little rounder lately.

Well, what can I tell you, Gabby?
I'm working long hours,

I'm not exercising,
eating a bunch of junk at work.

Yeah, I wouldn't be surprised
if she gets even bigger than this.

Don't you have some homework?

Actually, I've got to pick up
some books at the library.

Good, I'll clean up.

Bye.

Seriously, Lynette,
you can lose this weight in one month.

No, Gabby, I really can't.

Yes, you can,
and I'm going to help you.

What do you say we meet every
morning at 7:00 and go for a run?

I don't know.
That's right around the time

I'm getting the kids ready for school.

Lynette, you cannot let this go.
You know the expression,

"The longer you wait,
the bigger the butt."

(PHONE RINGING)

If you'll excuse me, I have to get that.

It might be another friend calling
to tell me my ass is too fat.

Well, I'm just trying to help.

All right. Bye, love you.

Hello?

(CHUCKLING) No, T-Scav just left.
This is L-Scav. May I help you?

I'm... I'm sorry, what party?

(ALL CHATTERING)

(LOUD MUSIC PLAYING)

Oh! Neidermeyer! Mahoney!

- Hey, Mrs. Scavo!
- Hi.

Would you like
a slice of Long Island watermelon?

Gosh, tempting, but I just want to find
my husband and bring him home.

- He's not here.
- Don't cover for him.

Somebody called our house
wanting to know

why he hadn't shown up
with the keg yet.

- Brilliant.
- Neidermeyer, please.

Tom has actual responsibilities.

His Jell-O sh*ts and Beer Pong days
are over,

and I don't appreciate his new buddies
making him think they're not.

He's not our buddy.

I don't care.
I just want to know where he is.

He just dropped off the keg and left.

Well, wait, wait, if he's not your friend,
why is he buying you a keg?

Why is he making you dinner
at our house?

- Okay, boys!
- What? No, no, no!

Without this watermelon,
all these pretty girls will stay sober,

and we know what that means.

(GASPS)

- No!
- Okay, okay! We'll tell you.

Dude, she's got our melon.

Tom's doing stuff for us because we
gave him the answers to the midterm.

He's cheating off you?

No, we've got a connection in the math
department. We get the tests.

Uh, Mrs. Scavo,
can we get our watermelon back?

(SIGHS)

- You coming to bed?
- SUSAN: Just a sec.

(SIGHING) I am so exhausted.

Oh.

Okay.

No, no, no, wait, wait,
I am not that exhausted.

Oh. Okay.

(SUSAN CHUCKLING)

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

(BOTH MOANING)

(SIGHS)

Delfino Plumbing.

Yeah. Exactly what's the problem?

Look, I'm not on call tonight.
I'll try to stop by tomorrow.

That's right, buster,
you're not going anywhere tonight.

No kidding.

Katherine can fix her own leak.

That was Katherine?
You've got to get over there, right now!

Look, I know we've got to be friends
with her, but not at 11:00.

- And not when you're wearing this.
- Okay, she could sue us.

She's not going to sue us over this.

It's not like our dog peed
on her flowers. I sh*t her.

So, call her back and tell her
you'll be right over.

Fine.

How long will it take anyway?

I don't know.
It's a leak in her master bath.

In the bedroom?

Hello, Mike

and Susan. What are you doing here?

I came to assist my husband,
get the job done in half the time.

Hey, where's your sling?

Oh, my shoulder's feeling much better,
thank you.

That's great.
So, it doesn't hurt if I do this?

Hey, why don't we take a look
at this leaky faucet?

Uh, no, actually,
it's the garbage disposal in the kitchen.

But I thought you said
it was in the master bath?

Mike, seriously, why would a garbage
disposal be in the master bath?

Come on, this way.
It's just making this awful sound.

They're supposed to make
an awful sound.

(GASPS)

Oh!

(GASPS)

What are you doing up here?

I knew I never should've trusted you.

You just wanted Mike over here
to try to seduce him.

(SCOFFS) Really, Susan,
you have the most suspicious mind.

Please, look at this place.
Even I'm getting turned on.

So, I lit a few candles and sprinkled
some rose petals. I do that every night.

Really? Do you also drink
an entire bottle of champagne?

Maybe I have a little problem, okay?

No, you have a big problem, Katherine.
Mike!

There's no reason
to bring him into this!

Well, you say that
you do this every night,

and he used to spend
a lot of nights here,

so why don't we see
if it looks familiar to him!

Mike! Mike,
I need you to come up here!

Mike, come up here right now!
Stop, stop, stop! That's evidence!

Leave me alone!

(GASPS)

Oh, my God! A bubble bath?
This is now a bad Jackie Collins novel!

- I want you out of my house!
- Katherine, you need help!

What you're doing here, it's sick.
You don't actually think

that rose petals and champagne
are gonna work on Mike?

He loves me!

Don't push me, Susan. I'll sue you!

Oh, God! You know what? Go ahead!
Sue me!

And while you're at it, get me
for as*ault with a strawberry, too!

(GRUNTING)

- SUSAN: You're just...
- You bitch!

(BOTH EX CLAIMING)

SUSAN: Crazy!

(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)

(SHOES SQUISHING)

FYI, we hate her again.

Mahoney called me
and told me that you...

Know about the cheating? Yeah, I do.

What I don't know is
what the hell's the matter with you.

Why would you
do something that stupid?

Because it is a required course
that I will never use,

and I'm failing it.

You're failing?

- We can't afford to have you fail.
- I know. That's why I did this.

So that I can focus all of my attention
on my core classes.

- Are you failing those, too?
- No.

But it's touch and go.

My advisor warned me that learning
a language at my age would be difficult,

and Mandarin is one of the hardest.

I study and I study, but I'm...

I'm always behind. Lynette, you've got
to understand, I am drowning here.

I don't care.

What?

You're having trouble in school?
Talk to me. Talk to your professors.

Hire a tutor.
What you don't do, is cheat.

Come on, Lynette. It is... It's statistics.
I'm never going to use it.

It's the principle of the thing, Tom!

What if the kids found out? What kind
of example are you setting for them?

The same one you're setting.

When Gabrielle asked you if you
were gaining weight, didn't you lie?

- Clearly, that's different.
- Why?

Because of the consequences.
You could get kicked out of school.

And you could lose
one of your best friends.

I'm going to tell Gabby
the truth, eventually.

And when you do, she'll tell Carlos.

And when he finds out that his
new vice president lied to him,

he may fire you.

You want to talk to me
some more about consequences?

I think the way you're trying
to rationalize your behavior is pathetic.

We are two
middle-aged people, Lynette.

We both know the value of principles.

We also know something
that we've never told the kids,

that there are, sadly, some times in life

when you need to break the rules
in order to survive.

I cheated on a test. You don't want to
pat me on the back, fine,

but don't act like you're better than me,
because you're not.

"'Okay,' said Skippy, 'I'll meet you
down at Red Creek after school."'

This is boring. Can I watch TV?

Juanita, while you're here with me,
it's the same as if you were at school.

We just finished gym class,
now it's time for reading.

Ironing isn't gym class.

Hey, who's the teacher here, huh?
Read.

You read.

Juanita! Come on.
Let's just finish this chapter.

Don't even think about it.

I'm warning you. I am not playing.

Juanita, so help me, God...

- Pick it up.
- No.

Pick it up
or end up on the floor next to it.

Thank you. That's much better.

Whoops.

Hello? So, what did we learn today?

- GABRIELLE: Pick up the book!
- No!

- Pick it up!
- No!

(JUANITA GROANING)

Gabby, what the hell is going on?

It's called homeschooling!
Pick up the book!

I did what you asked, Karl.

I went home
and thought about your proposal.

And? No, wait, not yet.
Do I need to brace myself?

- I'm not going to say no...
- Really?

...or yes.

What's the point, when I already have
a husband I can't seem to shake?

So, for now, you might want to focus
on getting me a divorce.

- And if I do that, you'll marry me?
- No. Not you.

But I am interested in this other Karl,

the one you say
you're planning to become.

Yeah, if you marry me.

Well, I'm afraid he's going to have to
make an appearance sooner than that.

(CHUCKLES)

- I think I can arrange a meeting.
- That's another thing.

- No sex for at least a month.
- A month?

You are too adept at using it
to cloud my judgment.

I want to see you through eyes that
are clear, not rolling back in my head.

So, I have to be a good boy,
and no sex?

It's like we're married already.

Karl, if we go public with this,
let alone marry,

there will be serious consequences.
Susan may never speak to me again,

and God only knows
what Orson will do.

I will not even contemplate
paying that price

until I'm sure you're damn well worth it.

And if you can prove that you are,
then you can give this to me again.

And next time, it will mean something.

(CARLOS SIGHS)

Well, did you talk with her?
Is she ready to apologize?

Not quite.

She heard what you said
to the principal

and she's blaming you for her not being
allowed to go back to school.

So, you defended me, right?

Well, that was a little tough, what with
her being right and you being wrong.

What do you mean "wrong"?
I did what I did for her.

Really?

You don't think that maybe
a teeny bit of that was in response

- to you being criticized as a mom?
- No!

Maybe the "horse you rode in on" part.

But the original sentiment
was all in defense of our daughter.

Where does she get off
being mad at me?

Gabby, she can't go to her school
and be with her friends.

She can't have people over
because a chimp

mauled a clown at her birthday party.

She has every right to be mad.
You, not so much.

(SIGHS)

(EXHALES)

Ma? It's me.

I know it's been a long time. I'm sorry.

No, you know I can't tell you that.
Just know that we're safe, okay?

Ma, please don't cry. We only have
a few minutes to talk, okay?

He's good. He just turned 19.

I know, can you believe it?
Yeah, and I wish we could, too.

It's just too risky. But you know,
maybe one of these days...

Ma, I gotta go. I'll talk to you soon.
Rimanga bene. Okay?

Hey, Katherine. What do you got there?

I thought you said
your mother was dead.

Yeah, that was my mother-in-law,
Nick's mom.

Oh.

You call her "Ma"?

We're close. I didn't hear you come in.

The front door was open. Here.

Hey, is that
one of those prepaid phones?

Oh, yeah. When Nick
and I went on vacation,

we bought this to call home. And then
we had some minutes left over,

so I figured I'd use them up.

What's on your mind, Katherine?

Well, I wanted to drop off the cake,
as promised, and tell you,

last night, Susan and I had a big fight.
She threw me into the bathtub.

- Really?
- First she sh**t me,

now she tries to drown me.
I'm going to the police.

So, I'm going to need that g*n
for evidence.

What g*n?

The one she sh*t me with,
the one Danny gave Julie.

(SIGHS)

Listen, Katherine. I really don't think

it's a good idea
getting the police involved.

Just stick to your plan.

I hate that she can get away with this.

Hey, Nick's not Italian, is he?

No. Why?

Because you were talking to his mother
in Italian.

Oh, she likes it.
It makes her feel sophisticated.

(CHUCKLES)

I have a doctor's appointment in 40
minutes. I really should get dressed,

but thank you for the cake.

What's that, sweetie, your homework?

It's all homework now, isn't it?

Look, Juanita, you know,
when I was young,

I used to get picked on because
I was the littlest kid in my class,

and I couldn't defend myself
from the bullies.

And then I discovered
a part of me that was big, my mouth.

And I've been fighting back
with it ever since.

So, when Mrs. Peterson said those
mean things, I had to defend you.

Why? I said a bad word.

If you just let her punish me,
this would all be over.

Believe me, leaving that school is
going to wind up being a good thing.

- Mrs. Peterson is a bully.
- I like Mrs. Peterson.

Okay, I was wrong,
and I'm sorry you're upset.

But you still think
I'm a good mom, right?

- Honey?
- Can we just read?

I'm telling you,
Katherine cannot be trusted.

I mean, the way she talks about
stealing Mike back from you,

she's completely lost it.

Believe me, I know.
Mike and I have a new rule.

We are going to pretend
that Katherine doesn't exist.

You think that's going to be enough?
You need to get her off the street.

Katherine hates you. And I'm not talking
dirty-looks-in-the-supermarket hate.

That woman is dangerous.

Dangerous how?

(SIGHS)

Okay, I can't believe
I'm even saying this,

but do you know where Katherine
was the night that Julie was att*cked?

No. That's crazy.

Why would Katherine
want to hurt Julie?

You had just married the man
that she loved. It was dark.

A woman walked out of your house.

Maybe she didn't think it was Julie.

MARY ALICE: There are so many rules
in this world.

That's why we must start learning them
while we are still children.

We are told very clearly,
don't say bad words.

You're not allowed to cheat on tests.

It's not nice to lie to your friends.

You shouldn't covet a man
who isn't yours.

And you shouldn't betray
a man who is.

So we grow up,
and still we break the rules,

completely forgetting
that if someone catches us,

we will be punished.

- Hi, there.
- Yes, good afternoon, sir.

I was hoping to replace a cameo brooch
my wife purchased here.

I'd like to surprise her.

A brooch?
We don't have anything like that here.

No, you must be mistaken.

My wife was quite specific
about where she purchased it.

Sorry. We sell furniture.

She must have gotten it
somewhere else.

(PHONE RINGING)

Excuse me.