01x02 - My Friend d*ed!

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Pivoting". Aired: January 9, 2022 to present.
Comedy about three middle-aged friends who decide to change the direction of their lives after a loss of a friend.
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01x02 - My Friend d*ed!

Post by bunniefuu »

Sorry, this gift card is expired.

That's because it belonged
to our dear friend Coleen.

She has sadly... passed on.

Listen, man, we're
not doing great, okay?

She used to be a doctor.
Now she's bagging groceries.

Whoa. Number-one chain in the nation.

And this one hasn't had a
carb in about eight weeks

'cause she's trying to bag her trainer.

I'm doing it for my health. Jeez.

And I have decided to be
a mother in the afternoons.

So could you just take a little
pity on us and swipe the card?

I pity you. A lot of us do.

But... still a no.


You know what? You keep the card, Pete.

I'll get our $ another way. Okay?

Just gonna... A little doily burrito.

Well, those are free, anyway, so...

- Oh, hey, hey, hey! You can't just...
- A few of these.

A few of these, and one
of these, one of those.

- No, no.
- You poked the bear, Pete.

- This is on you. This is on you.
- Wow!

Let's get it in there.
No cup left behind.


Could you get in trouble
for taking all that stuff?

- Is it stealing?
- No, it's in the gray zone at best.

Does anyone want a muffin-bite?

- Oh. Carbs.
- I'm good.


[MUFFLED] It's so dry!
Does anybody have water?

Do you want to spit it out?

See you back here tomorrow!


♪ Hey! ♪


Ow. Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!

No need to flatter
me. You already got me.

No, it's my right boob.
There's a sharp pain.

I think there's something really wrong.

Ow. It's very serious, I think.

Oh, my God.

[CHUCKLES] You don't
even care if I'm dying.

Well, it's hard to take you
seriously when yesterday,

- you said your kidneys "felt weird."
- Ow.

The day before that, you had
"odd, patchy skin" on your back.

Oh, and then you said
your tongue was "bumpy."

- It's still bumpy.

Henry, my friend d*ed, okay?

It's normal for me
to be a little scared.

But you're healthy.

Go see your doctor so he can tell you.

- Or she.
- Or she.

Okay, thank you. It is a guy, though.

- Coleen was healthy.

She went to the doctor.

Eight months later, she was d*ad, okay?

She didn't... Hey, she didn't
even have a bumpy tongue.

All right. Well, let's save
the sexy talk for later.

I gotta go to work.

Okay, maybe we can try
again this afternoon.

I... I probably won't be dying by then.

- I was planning to go for a run.
- Oh, good.

'Cause I'm all of a sudden
very aware of my spleen.

I know you think I'm crazy,
Henry, but my friend d*ed!

If Coleen can get cancer, anyone can!


- Andrea! Do you have your soccer cleats for practice?!

I cleaned the dog poo off for you!

You're welcome!




Hey, there.

Hey. Uh, hope I'm not
calling at a bad time.

ANDREA: Where are my cleats?!

What? No way. What's up?

- Um, well, I...
- NORA: Mom!

Evan h*t my tooth, and it's loose!

Aww. Are those your kids?

My... Oh, ki... No.

I mean, I barely... What's up?

Well, I just wanted to see

if maybe you wanted to meet
in the park this afternoon?

But I'm not scheduled for today.

No, no, no, I know. It's just...

It's such a freakin' beaut
out. I thought it might be fun.

Sure thing. My day's wide open.

Great. I'll, uh... I'll
text you the details.

- Bye.


HUDDY: All right. You knocked
Barry off the wall in just a week.


congratulations on
Employee of the Month.

- Thank you.
- Oh. Congrats, Sarah.

Nice job.

Oh, hey, Rudy. Thank you.

I... I'll see you out there.

Look at that, Huddy.

Rudy knows my name now.

I'm not just "noob" anymore.

- Hi.
- Amy.

Plastic, and I need
you to feel something.

Please don't make me
touch your body again.

You are not dying. I'm sorry.

Um, no. I really need
you to feel my boob, okay?

I... I think there's a mass.

Just want you to know, you
are ruining boobs for me.

Okay, well, just... just get in there.

Just get in there.

- Yeah. Oh, yeah, no.

- You're already finding it. See?
- Uh-huh.

You can't not feel it. See?

Amy, I really feel like
Coleen's death is affecting you.

I mean, you're obviously
going through something.

Well, that would hold a lot more water

if you weren't a doctor
bagging groceries.

Okay. That was low.

It is not a lump. It's a floating rib.

- Ew.
- Ew?

What kind of bedside manner is that?

- Oh, my God.
- Hi!

- Wait, what are you doing here?
- Hi.

Are you guys hanging out without me?

I am working, and
she's dying apparently.

Oh. Okay.

Because now that Coleen's
gone, there's only three of us,

and someone always gets left
out, and I feel left out.

What is happening here?

Since when do you wear jeans and boots?

You look so nice.

Is this an old-timey picnic basket?

Matt asked me to meet him at the
park today. It felt very flirty.

We've never gotten
together outside the gym.

This is major.

Is this really still going on?

You're a cliché. You know that?

No offense.

Well, offense.

Honestly, what is the end game here?

I mean, you guys have
sex, he gives you HPV,

and then that spirals
right into cervical cancer,

and then, I mean, poof, you're d*ad.

Dan gave me HPV years
ago. I think I'm fine.

Okay. And thank you
for shopping at Fields.

- Okay, no, no, no, no, no.
- Goodbye.

I need to know where
this rib is floating to.

What if this is the reason
I have so many spleen issues?

- This is related to...
- Hey, hello.


Uh, would you guys mind maybe moving

- your sleepover party outside?
- Mm-hmm.

- Rude.
- Thank you.

Thanks for shopping at Fields.

- Nice friends.
- No, no, I don't... I don't know them.



[TRAIN HORN bl*ws]



Okay, so I texted Henry to
tell him that I was gonna live,

and this is what he came back with.

So, he's got this app that
tracks his jogging route.

He's trying to spell the word
"Jets" for the New York Jets.

He's a crazed fan.

But, I mean, it's impressive, isn't it?

I mean, and... and really pointless.

Oh, man. The "S" crosses
Sunrise Highway three times.

That has the highest death
rate in the tri-state area.

Between the blindspot and
the drag racing and the curse,

it's a death parade.

Eh. Nah, he's fine. I think he'll live.

Yeah, you better hope so.

My cousin Tony dropped
d*ad at .Oh, here we go.

- Left his wife Lorraine with three kids.
- Mm-hmm.

Her life became an endless
cycle of work and childcare.

Every bedtime. Alone.

Every poopy diaper. Alone.

Weird puberty stuff? Alone.

She aged years in one.

You think youlook like an old mom.



MATT: Jodie!

- Oh, there you are!
- Hey!

How about this day, huh?

Freakin' beaut.

What's in the basket?

Well, I just came from a thing,

and I was gonna change when I got here,

but I guess I just
accidentally picked this up

instead of my workout bag.

- And here we are.

Well, right on. Let's get started, yeah?

Look, we can do this some other time.

No, no, no, no. Please, no.

You came all the way here for a workout.

I'm gonna give you a workout, okay?

We do kinda got to hurry,

'cause I gotta get through all
you moms before school gets out.

So let's start with some squats.

Yeah? Okay?


- [GROANS] It's just...
- Great.

Okay, you gotta get a
little bit lower than that.

It's good, though. That's good.

And... There you go. That's better.

- Do you wanna slip the shoes off?

Might help.

I think everything
should probably stay on.

- Yeah? You... You sure?
- Yep.

Hey, everyone.

Guys... Guys have you seen this?

Someone has drawn a phallus
and I want to say testes

on... on my Employee
of the Month picture.

Did... did some random
teen get back here?


Good razz. Very funny, guys.

- Nobody likes a winner.
- Or a wiener.

You know, we could all be
winners, you know, Rudy?

I mean, we could be
doing so much more here.

I mean, you...

you could be color-coordinating
the cereal boxes!

A... a... and, Mary-Louise,
those baskets could be stacked

so much neater, don't you think?

I mean, all it takes is one
person to make this change.

And I am so happy that
I get to be that for you.

So join me in... in
excellence, won't you?



[SIGHS] What are you doing?

Tying my shoes so I can go for a run.

Have you never seen me do this?

- Wait, not the Jets run.
- Hell yeah, the Jets run.

J-E-T-S. You know it, babe.

- J-E-T-S.
- Jets, Jets, Jets!

J-E-T... I know. Okay, you know what?

You can't go to Sunrise Highway. Okay?

It is very dangerous
and possibly cursed.

- What?
- Yeah.

You have to cross it three
times to make the "S."

Four times. So what?

Henry... I don't want you to die, okay?

- I can't live without you.
- That's really sweet.

Donna's cousin Tony d*ed,
left Lorraine with the kids.

She had to raise them all by herself.

Do you know how old she looks now?

It's awful.

Oh. Okay.

- I'll see you later.
- No, no. Eh... Mnh-mnh.

You have to listen to me,

and not just because I'm the alpha here,

but because my friend d*ed, okay?

So, please?

Okay. Fine.

I won't go for this run,

if you'll stop using so much fake sugar.

- Hmm?
- Uh-huh.

I heard it causes cancer,

and I don't want to be
alone with the kids, either.

Fine, fine. I will stop with my yellows.

I just... Let me just finish

what I stole from the coffee shop.

It's a long story.

Oh. Let me guess...
you were in the right?

I was.



I just refilled my bags.

You know what?

These are going to be on me.

We are gonna fit all
of this into this bag.

That's not gonna work.

I have stuffed intestines back
inside a man's stomach cavity,

so I-I think I can make this work.

Fiber, and eggs on top.

Oh. It's a little...
It's a little heavy.

- [GROANS] Careful.
- Just give it to me.

All right. Okay. All right.

Oh. Bend your knees.
I used to be a doctor.

Thank you for shopping at Fields.

If you're out of bags,
maybe you could go

color-coordinate the cereal box aisle.

I would love to!


... Don't stop.

. .

Boom! Done.

Great job today, Jodie. Seriously.

You know, you're not
like my other clients

who just take the
whole hour to h*t on me.

It's like the opposite of Me Too.

It's like #TooMe or something.

So gross!

Uh, hey. Bye!

We haven't done your
post-workout stretch yet!

You know what? I'm already loose.

I'm just... I mean, I'm not loose.

You know what I mean. I just...

Jeez, Jodie.



Hey. Ah...

You forgot your other purse...

- Aah! Ew! Bee!

Whoa, okay. All right.

- Bee!
- S... s... stay calm.

Stay calm, all right? They
don't want to sting you.

They just... Ow!

- Oh! It got you!
- Oh!

Oh, wait.

- Bastard.
- I can help!

[GROANS] Wait. I can
suck out the stinger.

I've got everything in this purse.

Oh, man. Okay.

[GROANS] Got me right in my pec.

- Crap, that really hurts.
- Oh.


I'm surprised it could
get its stinger in there.

- It's very hard.
- Yeah.

Hold still.


♪ I just can't live
without your sweet love ♪

Thank you.

Oh, here's... Just...

Oh, you got superhero ones?!

You must be a great mom. [CHUCKLES]

Take all of them.

Sick. Thank you.




You forgot your other purse again.

[CHUCKLES] You want me
to put it in the back?

- Yes.
- Yeah.



Okay. What's the emergency?

Did you get a second
opinion on my floating rib?

- Don't tell me. No, don't... Mm.
- No. Amy, Amy.

I need you to stuff the comment card box

with negative reviews about Rudy.

I will get you started.

He doesn't wash his hands after peeing.

Okay, but are we really
supposed to do that every time?

- Every time.
- Oh.

Oh, my God.

I can smell you from outer space.

Did you get mugged, or... Ugh.

Guys, guys.

Look at what my co-workers
did to me out of jealousy.

I took a picture of it.


- It's such good work. Look at that.
- It's not funny, Amy.

- Mnh-mnh.
- They took my bags, too. I'm being bullied.


Ooh. So unsanitary.

Okay, screw the comment cards.
I was a bully in high school.

I am so ready to take out
some pent-up aggression

on an essential worker.Great.


Are you the one that drew the, uh...

the thing on our friend's face?

Oh, sure did. It was self-modeled.

- Why?
- Oh.

- That type of behavior is not okay.
- Mm-hmm.

You need to apologize
to Sarah right now!

Look, I didn't want it
to get to this point,

but she left me no choice.

She gave a motivational
speech in the break room.

I love her motivational speeches.

They're why I floss every day.

[SIGHS] Listen, we
like to slack off here,

and she's upsetting the chillaxed mood.

Because of her, the powers that be

think that we can be doing more.

Oh, boy. Okay. You know what?

This is sounding all too familiar.

This is sounding like elementary
school all over again.Huh.

We started getting math
homework because of her.

Yeah, and then she got
put in the advanced classes

with all the other dorks.

We get it, Rudy.

We know what you're
going through, buddy.

- We got your back.
- Thank you.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I am exactly /
minutes late to my shift,

the normal amount of
late to go back to work.

[LAUGHING] Yeah, true dat. Okay.

Self model. Do you know believe that?

Come on.

- So, did he cop to it?
- Yeah.

He copped to you being a narc, Sarah.

Did you not learn anything
from elementary school?

You think I want to be like this?

I'd love to be a slacker.
I can't help myself.

Well, you have to try harder to do less.

Yeah. I mean, isn't that why

you made this whole dumb life change?

Well, they hated me in the ER, too.

- I saved too many lives.

- Hey.
- Hmm.

- Why are... Why are you panting?

Henry? Did you butt-dial...

Did you butt-dial me from the Jets run?

He butt-dialed me from the Jets run.

- What's a Jets run?
- Oh, it's a deadly run, and...

and he's gonna leave me with those kids,

and then I'm gonna have to explain
to Luke what an erection is.

- Please don't do that.
- Oh, no. That's what YouTube is for.

Okay, I have to go save him.
Sarah, you have to come with me.

I might need a doctor.

Do you still have paddles in your car?

I do, but I still have
minutes left on my shift.

Okay, then you're
definitely coming with me.

Do you want to be a loser
for the rest of your life?

I... I... I can skip
out, if I... if I want.

- I'm totally available.
- Okay, can we not do this dance?

Please? Yes, you're coming.

We're all going.

Okay. I got invited.

- Yeah, go, go, go.
- Yes, yes. Got an invite.

- I've got snacks.
- I'm taking off early.

To be clear, my shift is
not over, but I am leaving!

Have you been letting
squatters live in your car?

What is going on here?

I am a mother in the afternoon,
so just... just back off, okay?

Oh, my God! Was this
coffee brewed in hell?!

- Aah! It's so hot!
- Oh, we got comment cards

that, uh, said the
coffee wasn't hot enough.

Oh. Okay, can someone please
tell me where I'm going?

I had a terrible day. Please
don't make me navigate.

Aw, did your boyfriend fall
off the monkey bars at the park?

He's not my boyfriend.

He just sees me as
another dried-up old mom.

So I'm going in there tomorrow,
and I'm telling him we're done.

Even though we never started.

You know what? Why don't
you just tell him now?

- No! Don't... Don't move that!
- Call him.

- That's my... No, because I'm gonna do it in person.
- Ugh.

- We had a very serious relationship in my head.
- Why? Just call him.

Okay, do I go north or south?

- North!
- South!

Okay, you know what? I'm
just going to the deadly "S."

I'm just gonna go
straight to the deadly "S."

- Oh, there he is.
- That's not Henry.

Do you think Henry's short?

Well, he doesn't strike me as tall,

but maybe it's his personality.


Oh, there is that filthy liar.



[GROANS] Henry!

- Henry!

- Unbelievable.
- Get in the car, Henry!

- Come on!

- Get in the car!
- No!

- Get in the car, Henry!


- Henry!
- [THUD]

- Oh.

- Put it in park!
- Yep, yep, yep, yep. Oh.



Amy, what the hell?!

Are you trying to k*ll me?!
You just h*t me with the car!

Oh, don't be so dramatic!

I tapped you. I barely tapped you.

Okay, it was the only way
I could get your attention.

Do you know how dangerous this run is?

Yeah, I do. I just got h*t by a car.

Oh, my God. You lied, Henry.

You weren't supposed to go
on this run. We had a deal.

I gave up the only thing that
I love... artificial sweeteners.

Okay, you're right. I am so sorry.

- Can I get a sip of your coffee?
- No, no, no, no, no.

Give me the coffee.

- Watch it.

Mm! Mm!

Enjoying that? A little hot?


I'm so sorry. There's...
there's none left.


Yup. That's disgusting.

I was... I was gonna... I
was gonna give it up tomorrow

so we weren't giving up
things on the same day.


Okay, I've been drinking
it forever, and I'm fine.

Yeah, well, I've been running forever,

and you're the only
person that's ever h*t me.

Oh, my God. You are never
gonna let this go, are you?

My friend d*ed, Henry, okay? She d*ed.

And it came out of nowhere,

and she's... she's just... she's d*ad.

And it could happen to any of us.

It's gonna happen to all of us.

Come on, Amy. I know
Col's death rattled you.

It rattled me, too.

And I'm really trying
to let you go through

whatever it is you need to go through.

But come on. This constant
fear's no way to live.

It's not how Col lived.

It's not how I want to live.

Ugh. She was... she was so happy.

I mean, like, right up until
the day she d*ed, she was happy.

She had hope.

She was so naive. So... dumb.

You could try that.

I mean, I know how
uncomfortable you are with hope.

- But...

Okay. All right, all right.

I will try to enjoy my life.

I can't make any promises, though.

I just... I really don't
want you to go first, though.

Okay. Okay, yeah.

Maybe we can just die
together. [CHUCKLES]

I'd kinda like to die
alone, if that's okay.


- SARAH: Guys!

- All right.
- Okay.

You have the keys, it's hot in here,

and Jodie stinks!


Jodie. Hey.

Wow. You look amazing.

Oh, thanks.

I mean, thank you.

Hey, thank you for
saving me, uh, yesterday.

Yeah, right, 'cause I'm such a mom.

You are. Yeah, I... I
love how nurturing you are.

The way that you leapt into
action when I got stung...

it was the sweetest thing
anyone's ever done for me.

I mean, besides my
mom giving birth to me.


♪ I just can't live without you, girl ♪

♪ Can't live without your sweet love ♪

You're so great.



Um, hey, uh, I have some
free time, if you, uh...

if you wanna get in a quickie?

You know, maybe do the treadmill.

You got some jeans and
boots you can change into?

- Ow.
- Oh, sorry.

- Ow.
- Right on that...

- Yeah. Right on it...
- Really hard pec.




- Oh, wow.
- Yeah, I feel like you didn't break up with your trainer.

Signed up for five more sessions.

That's not what...

Jodie, I feel like you're having
some kind of mental breakdown.

- Seriously.
- Me?

You almost ran your husband over.

Twas a tap.

All right, I gotta get to
work. I'm gonna be late.

Don't be such an on-time dork.

I am Employee of the Month!

You're gonna be a sweaty
Employee of the Month now.

You're gonna smell like corn chips.

- Guys!
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