01x10 - Business Council

[bunniefuu]

(WHISPERING): Oh, hey.

I'm whispering because I'm in the
local business council meeting.

It's where local business
owners meet to discuss

and vote on issues that
affect our businesses

and the surrounding neighborhood.

Sometimes we get a little
bogged down in the minutiae.

Before we get into the docket,

everybody owes me
cents for the sweet tea.

Uh, uh, point of order.

Uh, what if we brought
a travel mug from home?

Do we get a discount?

Quiet. I have not opened the floor.

Objection. Floors don't open.

Neither should your mouth.

The best thing about these meetings

is it's made me and Carter
much closer friends.

Now we have our own special thing.

Moving on, citing declining sales,

Wayne Regan has closed
his novelty joke shop

and resigned from the business council.

His store was called Joke's On You.

But I guess the joke was on Wayne.

That was pretty funny.

Marlene surprised me with that one.

Yeah, I'm not laughing.
I love that place.

It's where I got these.

Do we have any nominations
to fill Wayne's spot?

I nominate Kat Silver.

- What? Me?
- Yeah. Come on.

It's time we got somebody cool up there.

Oh. Well, then, I'll do it. (CHUCKLES)

Maybe take those glasses off.

Oh, right.

Anybody else? Maybe
someone who owns a salon

and can touch up these roots?

Mm-hmm! Looking at you, Ron.

No? No? Okay.

Well, then, it's, uh, it's official.

Kat Silver is the newest member
of the business council.

And I know you will treat the position

with the gravity and
respect it deserves.

You bet I will.

♪ ♪

(SQUEALS, LAUGHS)

- (CHANTS): Speech, speech.
- (CHUCKLES)

I just want y'all to know,

that even though I'm on
the local business council,

there is no need to be intimidated.

I'm the same approachable
me I've always been.

Okay, good, because you have
something in your teeth.

- Oh, which one?
- To the left... no, down.

M-My left.

It jumped a tooth.

- Good evening, Councilwoman.
- Mm.

Good evening, local business owner.

I'm happy to inform you
I have done the research

on your proposition to extend
your business hours.

Then you know we the only
street within a ten-block radius

that has an : p.m. curfew for bars.

Exactly. I mean, what is
this, the Prohibition?

Like, "Extra! Extra!
No drinking, no dancing,

"no fun, get your paper...
five cents... polio,

- tuberculosis."
- How do I make it stop?

Y-You can't. You just have
to let it wash over you.

I'm just saying you've got
my yea vote for item -A.

Hopefully that'll counteract
Mean Marlene's nay.

'Cause she already said nothing
good happens after : .

Sounds like nothing good happens
to Marlene after : .

- Oh-ho!
- (WHOOPS)

Well, I got your back,
Carter. And your front.

And your top and your
bottom. Not that bottom.

Got your insides, got your outsides.

(GROANS)

Hello, everybody. I'm sorry I'm late.

I've been decluttering to make
room for Preston's things.

Ooh! My boyfriend's moving in.

I've never cohabitated
outside of marriage.

- I feel naughty.
- Oh, you shouldn't feel naughty,

just concerned you're gonna go to hell.

No, Sheila, I'm teasing.

I did it for years.

Oh, I am so proud of my girl.

I brought you Grandma's pearls.

Because you know what they say.

"Girls who wear pearls... "

"Contribute to the overfishing
of the oyster population

of the Atlantic Coast"?

- (LAUGHS)
- Ugh. No.

Girls who wear pearls rule the world.

Right, Randi?

Yeah, okay.

Oh, look what I found.

- Your old tap shoes.
- (LAUGHS): Oh.

Katharine was quite the tapper.

She could have gone all the way.

Well, not sure what "all the
way" is in the tap world.

Unless you get in the touring
company of Anything Goes,

there's literally nowhere to go.

Oh, Max, is there any chance you
and your muscles would be free

to help me move some furniture
into the basement this weekend?

You might be able to find some
nice stuff for your apartment.

Uh, definitely. Yeah,
I could use a TV stand.

And a TV.

And a couple of bedside tables.

Can you tell I hate to shop?

(SHEILA CHUCKLES)

Oh, no.

What's wrong, sugar?

I meant you, Randi,
not the actual sugar.

But how are you, sugar?

Now back to you, Randi.

Daniel was supposed to be my model

for a photography project at school,

but now he has to leave town for work.

Damn, I wish I wasn't dating
a man who has a job.

Ooh, wait, I didn't mean it.
I take that back, Lord.

You could ask Max to pose for you.

He should be a model anyway.

The theme of the project
is modern masculinity.

Daniel is the first Black
partner at his law firm,

and Max is just a hot, white bartender.

I see your point.

I'd still do him, but I see your point.

I'll tell you who else
should be a model.

This cake pop.

Where you going with those
pretty little sprinkles on you?

Paris and Milan?

Well, smell you.

Phil, do you think
you could pose for me?

I think I can work with this.

Are you sure?

I've been called a lot of things,

but "masculine" and "modern"

do not rate high on that list.

So, it's official.

The signs will be called speed humps

and not speed bumps.

Okay, next up,

extended hours at the Middle C.

Mr. Cook, please address the council.

Thank you. I appreciate it.

You know, owning a piano bar,

people always ask me,
"Do you play the piano?

Do you sing?"

I say, "I do not."

- (KAT CHUCKLES)
- In fact,

my Sunday school choir teacher told me

that there were plenty of other ways

that I could honor the Lord.

(KAT CHUCKLES)

But the thing is,

I've always loved music,

and I love being a positive
part of the community.

And a few more hours of positivity

could really benefit the neighborhood.

And my kid's teeth.

He needs braces. Like, bad.

The boy look like a possum.

Thank you.

Oh, no, no, no. No clapping.
Just eats up time.

All right. We will now hear arguments

from some community members.

I'm all for the Middle
C being open later.

Get my drink on. Get my song on.

Go home, get my bongo on.

Then Mom's boyfriend Glenn comes down,

yells, "Knock it off!"

Then I yell back, "You're
not my dad, Glenn!"

I live across the street
from the Middle C

and have a new baby. (CHUCKLES)

The noise makes it really
hard to get him to sleep,

and if it were to stay open later,

I don't know what I would do.

I already feel like my breast
pump is taunting me.

The question everyone should be asking:

is this neighborhood prepared
to handle the negative impact

that will occur when
a bar stays open late?

Each hour a bar stays
open past : p.m.,

there's a % increase in crime.

This includes graffiti,

public urination,

public urination while
spraying graffiti.

I've seen it.

The drunker people are,

the more likely they are
to just set crap on fire.

Garbage cans, street signs.

Paper toilet seat covers.

That's why there's none ever there

when you're in the restroom.

So, please, listen to what
we're saying tonight.

Do the right thing to keep
our neighborhood safe.

All right. Time to vote on the Middle C

extending their hours of operation.

All those in favor?

All those not in favor?

Ms. Silver, you haven't voted.

- Can I abstain?
- MARLENE: No.

- Can I go to the bathroom?
- MARLENE: No.

- Can I phone a friend?
- MARLENE: No.

Yea or nay? And you're the
tiebreaker, so make it quick.

'Cause if I don't feed
my Yorkie by : ,

he goes after the paper towels.

Yeah, Kat. Yea or nay?

Nay.

Well, the nays have it.

Now he won't let me in his bar.

But there were so many con arguments

and safety concerns.

I saved him a lot of aggravation.

- Don't you agree?
- Carter pays me,

so I'm gonna have to be
Switzerland on this one.

Uh, Switzerland is one of the
most highly weaponized countries

in the world.

The last canton didn't give
women the vote until .

I don't think you want
to be Switzerland.

Oh, hey, that's a nice chair.

Oh. Yeah, it was my dad's favorite.

Every night, I would sit in his
lap, tell him about my day.

How my college classes were going.

Oh, hey, is that a jukebox?

No, it's a pizza oven. (LAUGHS)

- Obviously, it's a jukebox.
- Right.

It's actually the original
one from Happy Days.

- Really?
- No. It's just a regular jukebox.

Nobody plays it anymore. You want it?

- Absolutely.
- Wait.

I've got a better idea.
I'm gonna give it to Carter.

That's not better for me.

Well, Carter's always talking
about how much he has to pay

his daytime pianist.

Don't say that word too fast.

So, now he has free music at lunchtime,

and people love a jukebox.

Yeah, including me. But whatever.

Max, I have the most beautiful
cashmere coat for you.

Grandpa Silver brought it from Europe.

He asked to be buried
in it when he d*ed,

but tragically, we couldn't find it.

Where was it?

In the closet on a hanger.

- Isn't life funny?
- (MAX LAUGHS)

That's so nice of you, Sheila.

Of course.

It'll come in handy if
you ever get a real job.

Aw. You're like family here.

It was so nice of Kat

- to let me borrow her pearls.
- Mm-hmm.

You look concerned, which
is making me concerned

'cause you're looking at my face.

Oh, I'm sorry, Phil.
It's not you, it's me.

It sounds like we're breaking up.

It's just, I'm not doing
great in this class.

My professor says
my photographs lack inspiration.

Wow.

You're usually such a
confident critter, Randi.

I'm not used to seeing this side of you.

When I graduated high school,

my parents said they
would pay for college

if I studied anything but art.

So, I didn't go to school until
I could pay for it myself.

And now I kind of feel like
I'm paying all this money

for something I might
be just mediocre at.

I think you need a bath.

(SNIFFS)

- Stupid crystal deodorant.
- (CHUCKLES): No.

I mean an inspiration bath.

Mama used to swear by 'em.

She said the water would
wash the worries away

and let the good ideas bubble up.

'Course, then she'd put me in the tub

with my little brother,
Tinker the Stinker,

and other things would bubble up.

- ♪
♪
- (TAP DANCING)

Shoes are a little snug, but
we dancers smile through it.

Are you trying to cost me more business

by making people think
this is a Capezio store?

And I only know what that is

'cause I once dated a
ballerina for a summer.

Okay, I'll stop.

Sorry. Once you start
a triple-time step,

you got to see it through.

I have something for you.

Are you gonna turn back time and
vote for me to extend my hours?

I can't take back my vote,

and I still think that that was the
best thing for the neighborhood.

But I do care about you

and your business and our friendship,

so I have a surprise for you.

It's in the back.

Fine. But only because it gets you
away from the entrance to my bar.

This is now the fourth
thing I've done in my life

that I will never talk about.

Doesn't it feel good?

To make waves with your feet

and squish the water
up between your toes?

I'm not convinced this is sanitary

since I'm also squishing
some leftover kitty litter

between my toes, but it does feel good

after being on my feet all day.

I have always loved the water.

When it was hot out, us kids
would go down to the river,

take our clothes off, yell
"Sun's out, holes out"

and jump in.

That's quite an image, Phil.

Wait.

That's quite an image.

Phil...

would you consider getting naked for me?

Like naked, naked?
Like jump-in-the-river naked?

Well, you're the one who wanted me

to take this inspiration bath, Phil,

and that's what bubbled up.

And don't you think it's time

the world sees something besides
big muscles and ripped abs?

Phil, are you ready to show the
world your cute potato-bod?

I am, I am.

It is right...

Oh, no! No, no! No, no! Wait!

Wait! No! No! No!

Wait! That's my truck and that's my...

(LOUD CRASHING)

... jukebox!

Now it's more of a junk box.

I mean, if you heard a loud crash,

why didn't you come and
see what was going on?

Because I'm one of those weird people

that runs away from danger.

My dad's jukebox is busted,

I'm not welcome at the
piano bar next door.

I guess for me, today is
the day the music d*ed.

Well, don't feel too bad.

The music on that jukebox
d*ed a long time ago.

Randi, I was so excited

because Carter and I were really bonding

in those council meetings.

Then he named that sandwich after me.

Wait. Carter named a sandwich after you?

Yeah, it was a good one, too.

He called it "The Kat Burger."

Ooh, that sounds nasty.

Ooh, yeah. Now that I hear
it out loud, you're right.

And you should know

that Carter only names
sandwiches after people

when he wants something from them.

And yes, there once was a Randi Reuben

that was never ordered, never eaten,

because I shut that down real quick.

Wait. Are you suggesting
that he buttered me up

with a vegan sandwich?

Thereby rendering it non-vegan?

Because that's diabolical.

I mean, I'm not saying that
he was being diabolical.

It just sounds like he was trying
to work you for your vote,

and now he's mad because he
couldn't puppet-master you.

Well, wait.

Why didn't he just try to
get on the board himself

and then vote for himself?

Because you can't vote
for your own agenda.

Item rule -A.

Wow! I did get worked.

New experience, new feelings.

I've never been worked before.

Somehow, I doubt that.

I'm ready, Randi.

Are you naked under there, Phil?

Yep, as the day I was born.

It's okay. It's all in the name of art.

Phil's helping me with
my photography class.

Come on, Phil. I have
everything set up out back.

- (PHIL CHUCKLES)
- Wait. Aren't you gonna be cold outside?

Nope. God blessed me with the
lush fur of a snowshoe hare.

What happens in this café
when I'm not around?

- _
- Ugh.

Not again.

_

_

_

Kat, what the hell is going on?

Well, you won't answer my texts,

I don't feel welcome in your bar,

but I still have some
things I need to tell you.

And you thought this was the best way?

Just spit it out.

Fine.

I think you nominated
me just to get my vote.

No, I just thought it would be
good to have a friendly voice

on the council, somebody
who enjoyed my bar

who could see my side of things.

Aha! You admit it!

I can't believe I was gonna
give you my dad's jukebox...

no strings attached, by the way...

because that's what real friendship is.

No, what real friendship is,

is two people helping each other out.

I think real friendship means
respecting the other person

if they have a difference of opinion.

Then I guess when it
comes to friendship,

we just agree to disagree.

Well, I disagree, so I
disagree to disagree.

- Then that would mean we agree. Oh.
- I disagree!

Quit looking out the
window at the Middle C.

(SIGHS) I can't help it.

I wish I could be one
of those people who,

when they get mad at someone,

they stay mad.

I'm just not that person.

I miss Carter and the Middle C.

I miss those piano-based
' s sing-alongs.

I mean, where else am I
gonna wear my Cher wigs?

When I get in an argument, I always say,

"You're right, I'm wrong,"
and get on with it.

I developed that strategy
because I'm small

and ill-suited for battle.

Or maybe I just need to accept the fact

that friends come into your
life for a reason or a season.

You know, maybe the
season of Carter is over.

Maybe I should look at
this as an opportunity.

Maybe I should start
up a little friendship

with Jack from the used bookstore,

see where that takes me.

The guy from the used bookstore's
name is "Bobby Ray."

Then I will initiate the
conversation by saying,

"Bobby Ray, I'm sorry I've been
calling you Jack for a year."

Hey, y'all. Look at this.

I made some test prints
from our sh**t last night,

and I may be a genius.

Whoa!

Phil, you took off your apron.

Yeah, well, it was a
full moon last night,

so we decided, "Moon's out, holes out."

Plus, the apron came in handy

when I had to snap away a rat.

You know, Randi, I don't know
if it's your photography skills,

or just the way the moonlight
is dancing off that wall,

but I never realized how beautiful
our dumpster area is.

I think it's my dumpster
area that sells it.

I just figured out how to help Carter.

I thought the season of Carter was over.

Have you not been listening?
I can't stay mad at someone.

Should I be flattered or alarmed

that she just ran up to her room
with a picture of me naked?

(KAT SIGHS)

Now what?

Look at this.

- Whoa!
- Whoa!

Phil's naked.

How am I supposed to look at
that man in the eye again?

Put your thumb there. Look past Phil.

I'm not touching that.

Okay, um, cover it with this.

- Hey, now it's D.
- (KAT SIGHS)

You know what? Forget the picture.

I'm pretty sure I can't
forget that picture.

Carter, I think I figured
out a way for you

to serve more customers
during regular business hours

to make up for not staying open later.

Yeah? How's that?

Back patio seating.

There's plenty of room back there.

The brick wall is rustic and super cool.

Plus, I did some research.

You already have approval
for a back patio

from when the Middle C was a strip club

called "Leave It To Beavers."

Oh, hey, I remember that place... Huh?

What? Never mind.

Anyway, Randi and I can
help you decorate it

and make it look awesome,
with twinkle lights,

'cause that's the cheap way to
make anything look awesome.

It's true. I got pictures of
her in her cap and gown.

Twinkly.

Why are you doing this, Kat?

I mean, I thought we
came to a disagreement.

Because you're important to me.

In winter, spring, summer or fall,

all you got to do is call.

And I'll be there, yes, I will.

- You know why?
- Yeah, I know why.

- ♪ 'Cause you got a friend... ♪
- I said I know why.

And I've been thinking about it.

I do respect you for voting for
what you thought was right.

- Thank you.
- Even though I disagree.

Which I respect,

and I politely disagree back.

Bring it in?

(KAT LAUGHS)

My professor says a great photograph
is one you can't look away from,

and he stared at the one
I took of Phil so long,

his glasses fogged up.

ALL: Oh!

And then he gave me my first "A."

- (CHEERING)
- Congratulations.

Oh, and Randi is gonna help me
use one of the pictures we took

for my Christmas card this year.

We're gonna cover the naughty
bits with snowflakes and tinsel.

- Can't wait for mine.
- Mm.

- Sounds festive.
- I got to hand it to you, Kat.

This back patio is off the hook.

And I'm glad Daddy's
jukebox found a home...

that isn't mine.

Yeah, Carter and I went
halfsies to restore it.

Yeah. Pretty dang cool, isn't it?

Hey, did I ever tell you, that's the
original one from Happy Days?

- For real?
- No!

Why does everyone believe that?

("DANCING IN THE STREET" BY
MARTHA AND THE VANDELLAS PLAYS)

- I love this song.
- I love this song.

♪ Calling out around the world ♪

♪ Are you ready for a brand-new b*at? ♪

♪ Summer's here, and the time is right ♪

♪ For dancing in the street ♪

♪ They're dancing in Chicago ♪

♪ Dancing in the street ♪

♪ Down in New Orleans... ♪