[TV STATIC DRONES]
[BRIGHT TONE]
[GRUNTS]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
The Maniac Kid!
- Come on, Maniac!
- Bring us on home.
- He brings a scrappy spirit to the ring
that many do not survive!
It's the Atomic Drop!
Yeah! Yeah!
From the wrong side of the tracks,
a newcomer to the league!
All muscle, all attitude!
Maniac Kid with a high-flying smackdown!
Devastating, homicidal!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
He's gone! Over the cameras!
[UPROARIOUS CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
It's mayhem in Memphis! [BELL DINGS]
Today's special is Memphis Soul Stew.
Yeah, Maniac Kid!
Damn, boy, that was a
beautiful thing to watch.
Oh, you are poetry in motion, son.
Here, take it. Any
interest in some bonus pay?
Yes, sir. I'm definitely interested.
All right, well, you
take a ride with us.
South side of town.
Juni!
You drive.
Hey, that's a nice d*ck, Ernie.
♪♪
♪ Now give me four tablespoons ♪
♪ Of boiling Memphis guitars ♪
♪ This gon' taste all right ♪
♪♪
♪ Now just a little pinch of organ ♪
♪♪
Good morning. [RADIO CHATTER, STATIC]
♪♪
What the f*ck?
[PROTESTORS CHANTING INDISTINCTLY]
♪ Now give me a half a pint ♪
♪ Of horns ♪
[CAR HORN HONKS]
[PROTESTORS CHANTING INDISTINCTLY]
Get a job, you bums!
The hell's the matter with you?
Did I raise you to be a piece of sh*t
or does it just come naturally?
assh*le.
And where's your sympathy?
They just want the same thing
that everybody else wants.
♪♪
A piece of the f*cking pie.
♪♪
All right, Maniac, you
just follow my lead.
Remember I'm the boss.
You ain't my boss, Junior.
Well, yeah, my daddy's the boss.
But technically, that makes me above you
and if I give you an
order, you have to do it.
Isn't that right, Daddy?
You ain't the boss of sh*t.
Now stop trying to be a big man.
Just put on these masks, get in there,
and take care of business.
assh*le.
This mask smells like sh*t.
And guess what. Daddy tooted.
Yes, I did.
k*ll 'em.
k*ll 'em both.
[g*nsh*t]
[LAUGHS]
Oh, yeah.
Crawford, I'm not gonna tell you again.
Turn it down! It's keeping her up.
You're making me miss this!
It's my shows, g*dd*mn it.
- [BABY CRIES]
- Your shows...
Don't worry, Margaret.
Not everyone's as mean as your daddy.
- Shut her up.
- Mm.
While you keep him busy, I'll go around
and get from behind.
Hey!
Bring me a beer if
you're rummaging around!
This is empty.
[OMINOUS MUSIC]
- [WHISTLES]
- [g*nshots]
♪♪
Who the f*ck are you?
Ow!
- Ow!
- I said turn the g*dd*mn TV...
Daddy's home!
- [SCREAMS]
- Shh.
[SOBBING]
You owe Glen.
I ain't got no money!
Ah! I ain't got no money!
- I'm dead broke!
- You owe Glen,
and I need that money,
and I need it now!
Tomorrow! Tomorrow, I can get it!
Be Christian. Lemme go!
- [SCREAMING]
- Do it!
- Please, let me go!
- [BONES CRACKING]
[HIGH-PITCHED SCREAMING]
[DERANGED LAUGHTER]
Buy yourself something nice.
[LAUGHS SOFTLY]
- Yeah.
- [PATS CAR]
Ah, yeah, poetry in motion.
[BUCK OWENS' "TALL DARK STRANGER"]
♪ Beware of a tall dark stranger ♪
♪♪
♪ They say a tall dark
stranger is a demon ♪
♪ And that a devil rides
closely by his side ♪
♪♪
♪ With no warning, he can strike ♪
♪ Like a thief in the night ♪
♪ Then jump up on his pony ♪
♪ And ride, ride, ride ♪
♪ So beware of a tall dark stranger ♪
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
You're late, boy.
Sorry, sir.
No, go on.
- Take a seat.
- Yes, ma'am.
Where were you?
I was out running errands.
Errands?
- Yes, sir.
- For who?
- For the Lord.
- [LAUGHS]
- Can it, Mary!
- Both of you... enough.
Now lead us in prayer.
Me or her?
I'm looking at you.
So just say me then.
Do it, Eli Gemstone.
Yes, sir.
Good food, good meat,
good God, let's eat.
I'm ashamed.
I stand before you as an old friend
and a child of Christ.
Not the deviant sex-doer
the media paints me as.
I don't know what my family's gonna do.
You probably should've thought
of that before you filmed
your wife doing cunnilingus on a woman
in a dance club bathroom.
Amen.
Okay, Diane.
Well, what, you fixing to pile on?
You got no compassion for me?
After how long we known each other.
Apparently, I didn't know you
as well as I thought I did.
Lot of revelations
- _
- in this "New York Times" piece.
Lots of deviants.
Don't you talk deviants to me.
Brothers, sister pastors,
Makawon wants a chance to speak.
I think we owe him that much.
We didn't do anything illegal.
Those were private pleasures
shared with my wife.
And we didn't know we ate Molly.
We thought they were mini SweeTarts.
Please don't kick my family
off the streaming platform, Eli.
We've always been a loyal affiliate.
My church can't survive
in this new normal
without being on streaming.
I don't know what I'm gonna do
if we can't be on TV no more.
It taints the whole brand.
Now what message does that
send to my congregation?
Mak.
Now I know you feeling 'bout as low
as a bowlegged caterpillar.
But I'm with Diane.
[SPEAKING SPANISH]
He says his church is
really cool with the gays
and the queers, but not so much about
the swingers and the thrah... thrahples.
Damn it, Tony! DeeDee and I are not
in a throuple with this woman!
She's a random with a
lifestyle calls her a snack.
You think this reporter's
just my problem?
He's all our problem.
He's a crusader.
An activist.
You're wrong if you don't think
he gonna come after you next.
It ain't like y'all don't
have your secrets too.
All right, Mak.
This is not how I wanted it to go down.
Mm.
So that's that?
[SOFT SOB]
[DARK MUSIC]
♪♪
I'm gonna k*ll myself.
[SOBS]
- [SCREAMS]
- [SOBBING]
♪♪
Mak!
[CONTINUES SOBBING]
♪♪
[CRASHING]
[SCREAMS]
♪♪
[COUGHS]
Ouch.
My legs!
Oh, my legs!
- [GASPS]
- [WHIMPERING]
[JAY-JAY JOHANSON'S "SO TELL THE GIRLS
THAT I AM BACK IN TOWN"]
[SOBBING]
♪♪
♪ I've been on the road ♪
♪ I've been traveling light ♪
♪ To reach my final destination ♪
♪ Now I'm coming home ♪
♪ So tell the girls
that I am back in town ♪
♪ You better tell them to beware ♪
♪ So tell the girls
that I am back in town ♪
♪ You better tell them to beware ♪
♪ Well, they may go or
they might try to hide ♪
♪ I follow on and I'll be there ♪
Hey, so... don't think I'm
not grateful 'cause I...
I totally get how generous
this is and all, really, I do.
But, um...
could I just get an apartment?
This place is kinda...
honestly, Mom, it's super gross.
- [SIGHS]
- Yeah, no doy it's super gross.
Granddaddy Roy d*ed here.
Pooped and peed all over the floors.
But that was many moons ago.
That's right, and we've
had this place deep cleaned
- multiple times.
- Right.
Your great-granddaddy's
mansion is our gift to you
for making the right choices.
You found a way to
use your movie industry
Tinseltown talents for good.
And not just for good, but for God.
I mean, I'm filming sermons.
It's not quite what I was trying to do.
- No, it's better.
- Yeah, it's better.
- Ow!
- The hell is that?
Ah, stop it!
Hey, Mom, can we kick holes in the walls
in the green bathroom?
The toilet in there doesn't even work.
No, you may not!
Man!
Let's go jump on the Tempur-Pedic!
- Abraham!
- Abraham,
take that g*dd*mn diaper off your head!
- [LAUGHS]
- [FOOTSTEPS FADE]
Gideon, get up there and
straighten those boys out.
- Okay.
- And if you wouldn't mind,
please, your mother and I would like you
to have a talk with Abraham.
What about?
Uh...
Well, it would appear that your baby bro
has started to jack
his little ding-a-ling.
And your mama has found
his stained jockeys
in some very odd places.
Mm-hmm, I think he's embarrassed.
I... I don't understand.
What's confusing? He's
blasting come everywhere.
And your mom found
his damn undergarments
hidden every which way but loose.
She found a pair of
his crusty child chones
- in the living room bible.
- Mm.
And then found another pair
stuffed in the back of the freezer
where the Dreamsicles are.
I had two of those yesterday.
We all enjoy the Dreamsicles.
The little dude is up in his room
f*ckin' blasting sh*t
behind his headboard.
Sitting there blasting one
underneath his little kid desk.
Bottom line: your mom
and I are not comfortable
talking about come
with your baby brother.
- Mm-hmm.
- Load-blow convos
are more appropriate, we believe,
coming from an older sibling
as opposed to mommies and daddies.
What am I supposed to say?
I don't know.
Tell him to knock it off.
Tell him to put it in a
damn napkin and flush it
- like a normal person.
- Yes.
Don't be field micing
this sh*t around the house.
It's disrespectful.
Okay. I... I... I'll... feel it out.
Try to bring it up organically.
- Thank you.
- Of course.
I got faith in you.
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- Bye, guys.
- Hey, hey!
- Hey.
- f*cking love you, homie.
- Love you too.
- And I was just playing
when I said that Granddaddy Roy
pooped and peed all over the floors.
- Okay.
- He didn't do that.
Just the master bedroom.
I'll probably just move
into the guest bedroom
knowing that about the master.
- Yep, whatever you want.
- Okay.
♪ I've got a hidden
treasure deep inside of me ♪
♪ And I'm gonna keep it locked ♪
♪ 'Cause only one man's got the key ♪
♪ His name is Jesus! ♪
♪ Shout his name out loud! ♪
♪ Jesus ♪
♪ Hands up in the air ♪
♪ Jesus ♪
♪ Lord ♪
- ♪ Hallelujah ♪
- ♪ Hallelujah ♪
- ♪ By and by ♪
- ♪ By and by ♪
♪ Holy Moses ♪
♪ Jesus ♪
♪ Sing it with me ♪
♪ Jesus ♪
♪ He's the only one that
I really wanna talk about ♪
♪ Hallelujah ♪
♪ By and by ♪
♪ Lord, have mercy ♪
♪ Na, na, na ♪
♪ Shout ♪
- ♪ Na, na, na ♪
- ♪ Shout ♪
♪ Hey, hey ♪
♪ Hallelujah ♪
♪ By and by ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
My word, the voice of an angel.
Daddy, all I do is I open my mouth
- and I let God do the rest.
- [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
That's wonderful, Judy.
That's the very best thing to do.
The book of Matthew...
Tells of nation rising against nation,
kingdom against kingdom.
A time of famines,
pestilence, and earthquakes.
Sound familiar?
In such scary, uncertain times,
come diseases, financial
ruin, political turmoil.
That's right, folks... the works.
Knowing that we could reach God...
and he will answer.
That's what we need right now!
- [CROWD MURMURING]
- Amen.
Well, hold on. Wait a second, Daddy.
Are you saying people need Jesus's love
now more than ever?
Duh, my brother!
We always need Jesus's love.
But especially now.
We do need Jesus' love
now more than ever.
We are introducing a streaming platform
where you can access
Christian programming
/ unlimited whenever you need it.
We call this service GODD,
Gemstone on Digital Demand!
- Whoo!
- [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
With the launch of G-O-Double D,
the Gemstones have officially entered
the streaming wars.
Available on smart TVs, Roku,
Android, and Apple devices.
- [CROWD MURMURING]
- Son, you speaking robot?
[LAUGHTER] Can we get that in English
for us older folks?
Uh, Daddy, I think
what he's trying to say
is you can watch it just about anywhere.
And it is time to finally
stop the constant flood
of filth and propaganda
coming out of Hollywood.
- Amen.
- If they're gonna fill
the airwaves / with that garbage,
- we gonna do the same thing.
- Mm-hmm.
- That calls for a celebration!
- [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Who wants to sing and rejoice?
Streaming services.
Amen!
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
♪♪
♪ Yeah! ♪
♪ Come on ♪
♪ Whoo ♪
♪ Turn your head when I walk on by ♪
♪ I got the world at my feet ♪
♪ All I want out of every day ♪
♪ Is to wake up every morning ♪
♪ Sun is shining ♪
♪ Smiling ♪
♪ And we've covered the room, yeah ♪
♪ Reunion ♪
♪ You can testify ♪
[MUSIC STOPS, RECORD SCRATCHES]
[TIMMY TRUMPET, WILL SPARKS,
AND CODE BLACK'S "f*ck YEAH"]
♪ Repeat after me ♪
♪ f*ck yeah ♪
♪ f*ck yeah ♪
♪ f*ck yeah ♪
♪ f*ck yeah ♪
♪ f*ck yeah ♪
♪ f*ck yeah ♪
♪ f*ck yeah ♪
♪ Repeat after me ♪
♪♪
♪ f*ck yeah ♪
♪ f*ck yeah ♪
♪ f*ck yeah ♪
♪ f*ck yeah ♪
♪ Repeat after me ♪
♪♪
♪ f*ck yeah ♪
♪ f*ck yeah ♪
Let's not fill up on rolls here.
Stick to the salad bar.
Don't forget, we are
swimming laps after lunch,
so eat light.
We nourish our bodies for His love.
- Cool.
- So cool.
Excuse me, sir?
What's up?
Dismissed.
Will you be dining with the men and I?
[LAUGHS] Of course not, Keefe.
I'll be above you,
upstairs with the family.
Shall I join you?
Oh, not appropriate.
Upstairs church lunch
is only for the family.
See you upstairs, Kelvin.
And... Daddy's closest
work acquaintances.
That's okay.
Hey, do not take this personal.
No matter how many disciples we gather,
you're still my number one.
All right? All right?
Oh, let me tickle them titty meats.
- [LAUGHS]
- See you inside.
He said my... you...
I'll see you... inside.
He tried to k*ll himself?
Oh, that is horrible.
I just can't believe there was
nothing you could do about it.
I mean, you couldn't just tell him
that the Butterfields were staying in?
Nothing I could do.
Damage had already been done.
He made his bed.
It sounds like a lot
of people made their way
into his bed.
Oh, ha-ha, Martin.
That f*cking reporter
ruined their whole life.
Like, blew up their whole deal.
I feel really sad for them.
Don't let it distract you.
I wanna make sure everybody is here
for the missionary seminar next week.
Well, Amber and myself
will unfortunately have
to take a rain check.
We have been invited
to a formal sit-down with the Lissons.
The Lissons?
The gorgeous preaching
couple from Texas?
- Yeah.
- What for?
What do you mean, "What for?"
They're a successful
power Christian couple.
[LAUGHS] As are my wife and I.
Who knows what the hell
we can cook up together.
Well, it's just weird
that they invited you
and not anybody else.
- Thank you.
- I mean, there's a lot
of successful people in this family.
That's all I'm saying.
If the Lissons wanna
open up a Gold's Gym,
I'll tell 'em to give you a call.
[LAUGHS]
I imagine we were invited
'cause they probably realized,
as Daddy's faculties are...
waning and he starts
getting older and tired-er...
No offense, Daddy...
That Amber and myself
are the logical next leaders.
Y'all are not the only
married people in this family.
Me and BJ are also strongly betrothed
and also crushing it.
Not a real family.
- No kids.
- Ooh, ooh!
- Slam. I like that one.
- Mm-hmm.
I don't got time for kids
'cause I'm trying to keep
this fresh physique fine.
I'm not trying to be all
loose and stretched out
like Amber's played-out pastrami.
Could you please pass the mustard?
Hey, do not talk about my wife's vag*na
at church lunch, do you hear me?
It's okay, baby. She's just jealous.
Oh, please.
Because her wedding wasn't even real.
- [GASPS]
- God.
- [LAUGHS]
- That was cold.
Not letting Daddy walk
you down the aisle.
There was not a aisle, dummy!
I don't know how many f*cking
times I need to say that.
It was just, like,
a area by rides, okay?
Daddy knows.
Disney World was a thing.
It was BJ's dream wedding destination.
So we did it Nike style, dog.
We just did it, okay?
That's how we roll.
We're seat-of-our-pants.
We're fun kids.
We're whim babies, so...
We meant no disrespect, Daddy.
Ugh, Daddy.
I just wanna know who
officiated the wedding.
Was it Donald or was it Goofy?
- Oh! [LAUGHS]
- Ooh, slice.
That was a good one. [LAUGHTER]
It was Prince Eric,
for your information.
- Thank you.
- Prince Eric?
Who the f*ck is that?
The boy from "The Little Mermaid."
The hottest guy in
the entire Disney catalog.
Ariel's boyfriend, you f*cking b*tches.
- Oh, God.
- Oh, Lord.
Y'all went down to Disney World,
didn't invite any family
to come to your wedding,
and you didn't even get
a legacy character to marry you.
What legacy character
were we supposed to go for
- that's better than Prince Eric?
- Oh, I don't know.
How 'bout Mickey Mouse?
Man, f*ck Mickey!
Enough!
Judy, I don't want to discuss
- the mermaid wedding.
- Yes, sir.
Jesse, I'm not going anywhere.
So there's no need to start
working on who's taking over.
Okay, I'm just saying,
you know, at your age...
it's probably never too early
to think about the future.
You know, I mean, you could
be sitting here being fine
one minute, doing church
lunch and ministering,
and the next minute you can't
even wipe your own shits.
Then the whole entire church
goes down to the caboodles
because nobody knows who's gonna run it.
That... that... that's
where I'm coming from.
Well, I appreciate your concern.
But like I said...
I'm not going anywhere.
- ["ON MY WAY TO CANAAN LAND"]
- ♪ I'm on my way ♪
♪ Yes, I'm on my way ♪
- ♪ To the Canaan Land ♪
- ♪ To the Canaan Land ♪
♪ Now if you don't go ♪
♪ If you don't go ♪
- ♪ I'll journey on ♪
- ♪ I'll journey on ♪
ALL: ♪ I'm on my way ♪
♪ The good Lord ♪
♪ Now Job was the richest man ♪
♪ That lived in the land of naught ♪
- ♪ Good Lord ♪
- ♪ He was the only man ♪
Well, let's just hope
my campaign plays out
a hell of a lot better than
I played that back nine.
It's about time I took
some money off you, senator.
Since you always seem to
have your hands on mine.
[LAUGHS] Why do you
think I let you win?
[LAUGHTER]
Ay, Maniac Kid!
It's me.
[TENSE MUSIC]
Sir! I'm sorry.
This is private property. Members only.
I'm a personal guest of Eli Gemstone's.
Yeah, me and the man go way back.
I'll see you Sunday service.
♪♪
- Come on.
- Get your meat hooks off me!
I will f*ck you up.
Hey, I can take a hint!
♪♪
Don't touch me.
- Or you will regret it.
- [CHEERING]
♪♪
- _
- [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
ALL: Lissons! Lissons! Lissons!
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
♪♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪♪
Come on, Texas, make some noise!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE INTENSIFY]
♪♪
♪ Raise your hands ♪
My man!
- Whoo!
- ♪ And say your name ♪
BOTH: ♪ Raise your hands ♪
♪ Pray, oh ♪
♪ And say your name ♪
You know the words, come on!
ALL: ♪ Pray ♪
♪ Pray ♪
♪ Pray ♪
♪ Pray, pray ♪
♪ Pray ♪
♪ Pray, pray ♪
[GUITAR SOLO]
Oh, yeah.
Let's go, baby.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Hey, uh, Lyle, I think
God is ready to talk.
What do you think?
I think so too, Lindy.
Question is, are you
all ready to Lisson?
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
That's good.
Do you want it?
Yeah! [CHEERING]
- Who wants it?
- Do you want the power
of the Holy Spirit in you?
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Can't hear you now. What,
what did you say now?
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Well, then all you got to do is take it.
Take it!
You want that?
- You felt that, right?
- I know I did.
You want the Holy Spirit right now?
[SCREAMS]
- [CHEERING]
- Oh, yes.
Yeah, this is awesome.
Is this what you want?
It's what I want.
Now, you, right there!
Take it!
Oh. [CHEERING]
Take it, take it, take it, take it!
Take it, take it, take it!
[LAUGHTER]
Don't mind if I do. Mm.
Look, I just wanna thank y'all
for inviting our family out here
for this little hang sesh.
- Mm-hmm.
- Hey, Gemstones rule the east.
Lissons rule the west.
Why has it taken us this
long to combine forces
and see what God can
do with this synergy?
Y'all like beach vacations?
Live for 'em. Waves and sunbeams.
Yes, well, how would you
like to take a vacation
at the beach with Jesus Christ?
I would love to go there with Him.
Okay, well that's good
news 'cause we got plans
to construct a temple of sun and sand
in honor of our love for Christ.
We're calling this place Zion's Landing.
It's a Christian time-share resort
on the sunny beaches of Florida.
Whoo! Sounds too good to be true.
Well, pulling something
like Zion's Landing off
ain't gonna be easy now.
Lindy and I said we
got to align ourselves
with the biggest and the best.
I mean, only pure thoroughbreds.
Whew, well, I appreciate
you seeing the Gemstones
as thoroughbreds.
That's exactly how we see y'all too.
- We do.
- Powerful...
Christian horses-type folks.
I mean, we have waited a long time...
- Oh, yeah.
- To get the power from Lyle's
- mama and daddy.
- Mm-hmm.
Now that we have it...
we're gonna do so many
wonderful things in His name.
- Mm-hmm.
- That is so amazing that you
say that because we're
about to get the reigns
from Jesse's daddy.
And we wanna do things just like this.
Well, pop the champagne.
- That is wonderful news.
- Yes.
When's your daddy
planning on stepping down?
- Well, he did...
- He didn't...
- We're...
- He hasn't really...
- We're getting him there.
- He's... he hasn't
really admitted that the time has come.
- BOTH: Yet.
- We're getting him there.
- Close.
- Mm-hmm.
- Real close.
- [SIGHS]
Lyle's parents were the same way.
- Mm-hmm.
- Same generation as Eli.
[DISDAINFULLY] Boomers.
- Mm.
- Most selfish generation to ever live.
Ooh, you said it, girl.
They won't get the hell out of the way
even when it's God's plan.
Okay, let's be real
with one another here.
Parents suck.
- Yeah.
- Couldn't agree more.
- [LAUGHS]
- Parents do suck.
Siblings too.
My sister tried to pop off
when Daddy had his stroke.
Trying to act like
she was running things.
- Just 'cause she's a nurse.
- Yeah.
I told my sister nuh-uh.
Showed force, chased her ass out.
Got my daddy's ass into assisted living.
See, this is the kinda
stories I need to hear.
- Yeah.
- You gotta marginalize
- your siblings.
- Mm-hmm.
Firstborns lead the
way when parents trip.
Period.
- Firstborns.
- Both of you?
- Mm-hmm.
- Mm-hmm.
- Both of us.
- No.
BOTH: Firstborns.
[LAUGHTER]
I knew it, I knew it, I knew it.
I knew I liked them.
- Mm-hmm.
- Can we count on your support?
Lissons and Gemstones making
Christian tourism history?
[SOFT MUSIC]
Praise be.
[LAUGHS]
- Oh!
- I'll tell you what,
you got mine and my
wife's, uh, total support.
- Mm-hmm.
- Now technically,
we are gonna have to
run this past my daddy.
Let's bring him on down
to the project site.
- Yeah.
- Ol' Lyle can kiss
a parent's ass like nobody's business.
I will butter Eli's balls and
toss in a side of biscuits.
He could use some ball-buttering.
[LAUGHTER]
We'll get his approval.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
♪♪
So we're gonna cut all this down.
Wipe this maritime forest right out.
There is a small issue
with the sea turtles.
Apparently this is a sanctuary.
They don't like bright
lights or whatever.
That's just people being silly.
- We'll get past that.
- Ow!
They'll get past that, Daddy.
So we gonna put three towers up here.
And between 'em is where
we'll have our splash zone,
adult pool, hot tubs.
- It's here?
- Yeah.
Okay, so the hot tubs are
near where the elephants
- hose down Noah's ark?
- That's right.
God, that's smart.
And a performance stage on the flotilla.
Imagine preaching with
that incredible backdrop.
That ain't it sad it
ain't a painting, brother.
No, that is no Thomas Kinkade, Daddy.
That's the real deal right there.
Mm-hmm.
God is speaking to us in these waves.
This is his miracle.
Mm-hmm, that's right, Amber.
- God's miracle.
- Smells.
Lot of Christians would love
to visit a place like this.
Especially if it's all-inclusive,
top-notch restaurants, and a kid's club.
Come on now. [LAUGHS]
Hang on, there's kids allowed here?
Yeah, duh. Of course.
I'm not coming then,
because that is an ultimate
and immediate vibe-k*ller.
Makes it seem dirty and cheap.
I don't know about that.
Kids mean bacteria. No thanks.
I'm not trying to get bacteria on me
when I'm trying to be sexy.
Judy, you can say that,
but I can imagine our families here.
Helping to bring this
beauty to all Christians...
who can afford a two-night minimum.
[LAUGHTER]
Two-night min means you on a trip.
A legit vacation.
Nobody's doing one-night
stands here, Daddy.
Wholesome!
Lyle...
you got a fantastic idea here.
Location's perfect.
So what do we say? Are we in?
We gonna do this?
It's beautiful.
Yeah.
But no, it's not the right time for her.
Oh. [LAUGHTER]
Daddy, how can you say that?
You ain't even looked
at the numbers yet.
I have! They're good!
- Lot of zeroes.
- I said my piece, Jesse.
But Daddy, this is a real good deal!
Not your call, Jesse. It's mine.
No, it is... it's my call too.
Stop showing off in front
of your friends, Jesse.
[LAUGHTER]
I'm not showing off!
You are!
[WHISTLES]
What was that?
[MUMBLES INDISTINCTLY]
[SIGHS]
[PERCUSSIVE MUSIC]
What a grand waste of time.
Stupid idea.
I got sand in my shoes.
He's here.
Come on.
Oh, God.
Kelvin, what the f*ck is this?
Uh-oh, my mans.
- Ew.
- [LAUGHS]
- You are looking great.
- Ew.
You are looking really good.
You looking swole.
Gross, Kelvin.
♪♪
Party burpee!
Come on!
One more! Let's go!
Go in the car. I'll take care of this.
- Get low!
- I'ma talk to him.
Okay, Chad in the back,
you gotta work on your form.
All right? I don't wanna tell you again.
You know we can't say no to this.
In our mind, in our body.
I'm actually pretty surprised
at how bad you are being
at business right now.
- Party burpee!
- Jesse, you know damn well
the world has been upside-down.
Friends falling all around us.
Now ain't the time for growth.
It's time to...
shore up, strengthen what we got.
Well, I think doing a time-share resort
with the Lissons is a hell
of a way to strengthen up.
But we can agree to disagree.
You know, this resort was
very important to Amber and I.
And being friends with the Lissons
was also very important.
I'll tell you this much,
when I run this church,
I will not shun allies.
When you run the church?
Don't get ahead of yourself, boy.
Lyle's mom and dad knew when
it was time to step aside
and let him have a sh*t.
Look what he's doing now.
Making beautiful time-share resorts
in f*cking paradise.
Jesse, I'm sorry your
life didn't cr*ck out
the way you wanted.
My apologies for still being alive.
[SOLEMN MUSIC]
Oh, you know what?
All you ever care about
is building this church.
Cared about that more
than being a daddy.
More than anything.
Even now, when it's so painfully obvious
it's time for you just to slow down
and let me have a cr*ck at things.
But you won't.
You're gonna end up
just like Granddaddy Roy.
♪♪
If you wanna start a
resort with the Lissons,
go right ahead.
Just leave me out of it!
♪♪
Wait, so I can do it?
Do what you want!
[DOOR SLAMS]
Peabody Award-winning
journalist Thaniel Block's
new bombshell report
describing a salacious sex scandal
involving Detroit pastor
Makawon Butterfield.
- [CONSTRUCTION TRUCK BEEPING]
- Can't hear this.
- This f*cking beeping.
- Double life.
- Am I on?
- One of a beloved reverend
by day, the other,
a wife-swapping swinger by night.
Thaniel, it's safe to
say that for evangelicals,
this is a big no-no, right?
Yeah, particularly for a pastor
like Reverend Butterfield,
who's been outspoken about
sexual immorality in the past.
You know, people look to
him for spiritual guidance,
often tithing % of their income.
These tax-exempt churches rake
in millions of dollars a year.
- Big money.
- Yes!
And corruption is a real concern
when you're talking
about that kind of money.
This grift is as old
as Christianity itself.
Look, I've been accused
of being anti-religion.
No, I'm anti-hypocrisy.
And there are a lot more hypocrites
in this industry.
Butterfield only begins
to scratch the surface.
You thought you could duck me,
you high-falutin son of a bitch?
Oh, what the hell is this?
I followed ya.
Wasn't too hard with that fancy truck
and that personalized plate.
Damn it, Junior.
Oh, so you do remember my name.
I thought for a minute
there I was so insignificant
till you'd plum
forgotten I ever existed.
I remember you.
[GIGGLES]
Damn, we got old.
I know I look like sh*t, but damn!
You look sturdy.
- Still got that mass going on.
- God!
[LAUGHS]
What do you want?
I just wanted to see an old friend.
♪♪
The older I get, the more...
sentimental I'm leaning.
Nostalgic.
And I can't help but thinking about
when you and I worked together.
You want money?
You gonna try to blackmail me?
Sell the story?
Let's not waste time here.
Why y'all nervous, Eli?
Why you being all...
[GIGGLES] Weird?
You following me, that's weird!
Whatever it is you're
trying to pull here,
I don't got time for it.
Come on, Eli!
Can't old friends reconnect?
- Oh...
- Man.
♪♪
I... I'm busy.
Take care.
♪♪
Man, me and my old man
watched you rise, man.
Yeah, for real.
It was wild to see you come from
where we come from and do what you done.
My daddy was so proud of you.
He acted like he discovered you.
I don't mean to bother you.
I guess I just thought about you
probably more than you
thought about me, that's all.
Just wanted you to know you done good!
Sorry if I spooked you!
See you around, Eli.
♪♪
You hungry?
♪♪
Siblings, I have summoned you here today
because Amber and I have won.
Through my powers of persuasion,
I have broken Daddy down.
And now the writing is on the wall.
That old man is on his way out,
and I am stepping into power.
Y'all back me and I'll
give you a good deal.
You'll never lead, of course.
But you will be able to keep your homes,
- your automobiles.
- [SCOFFS]
- Mm.
- Maintain an annual salary,
perhaps even a raise.
- Oh.
- All I ask in return
is that you kiss the ring.
What ring?
Your ring?
- My wedding ring.
- [LAUGHS]
You're f*cking high, dude. [LAUGHTER]
Like I'm gonna kiss that smelly ass ring
that's probably been
shoved up Amber's p*ssy.
Oh, it's definitely
been shoved up her p*ssy.
That's why kissing it is so very cool.
- Ugh!
- That... that is foul.
- Sick.
- And boy,
with all the stunts you've pulled,
you really think in a million years
that Daddy would trust
you to run the church?
- Keep dreaming.
- Yeah.
What do you know about anything?
All you care about these
days is f*cking muscles.
Acting like it's about God. It's not.
It's about being self-centered
and popping boners.
It's about being healthy.
- Okay.
- And if you're healthy
you do maintain a proper erection.
- That's true.
- Whatever!
Accept my dominance or don't.
Doesn't matter to me.
The damn tides of time and winds of dust
are upon us.
My reign is nigh.
What the f*ck did you
even just say, man?
That made no sense to
me. That sounded foreign.
That's not a phrase, dummy.
- [LAUGHTER]
- Nigh.
You're just both a bunch of
two-bit half-rate siblings.
Damn Frank Stallone and
f*cking Stephen Baldwin
over here.
I'm Stephen Baldwin?
Yes, you are.
- Oh.
- No, you f*cking did not.
I ain't got no time for this.
Bye, Felicia.
- Okay, no.
- What did he just say?
Mm-mm, no!
Did he just say "Bye, Felicia" to me?
Yep. Why... does... what does that mean?
- [GROANS]
- Bye, Felicia.
Jesse, you will never run this family.
- So "Bye, Felicia" to you, Jesse!
- Hey.
Who's Felicia?
- You are.
- No, you're Felicia.
Let's just all act like adults.
- You're Felicia.
- Well, we can act like adults
if he's Felicia 'cause
I'm not f*cking Felicia!
- Yeah.
- Felicia.
- No, you're Felicia!
- No, it's okay.
- You're Felicia!
- It's okay.
He's not worth it. Hey, hey.
I know, I know you're not Felicia.
I'm Kelvin, you're Judy, okay?
Yeah, I'm Judy.
I know you are. You want a snow cone?
- Mm, yeah.
- Okay.
Okay, we'll get you a snow cone.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
Get what you want.
I'm buying.
Thank you. [BURPS]
Well, I'm going back
and forth between...
steak and the alfredo.
But since you're buying,
I'm gonna take steak.
Get what you want.
Eli.
Check it out over your right shoulder.
Damn, look at that
piece of tail he's with.
Mm, mm!
[LAUGHTER]
[MOANS]
He's gonna go bone deep on her
right here in the Sticky Steven's, Eli.
Hey!
Y'all wanna tone down the romance?
We got kids sitting right here.
- What, you talking to me?
- Well, just maybe show
your affection in a more
appropriate manner.
How 'bout you suck my d*ck, Gramps?
- Randall!
- Hey.
I do whatever the
f*ck I want, all right?
Now eat your noodles.
f*cking go back to the
movie "Cocoon," all right?
- Bye.
- Not trying to offend.
Just looking out for the young ones.
Damn.
f*cking guy is lucky
he's still got teeth.
Just ignore him.
I'm gonna get the mahi.
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
Still wrestling?
Nah, just do character work, mostly.
I might step in and
talk some sh*t, but...
No, nowadays, I'm just promoting.
I got a stable full of
fellas I keep working.
Good for you.
That's good.
I wonder what my daddy might think
about you and I being reunited.
Well, he put us together.
He'd probably think he'd
done a pretty good job.
Picking two men with so
much to offer the world.
He'd try and take credit.
[LAUGHS] Yeah, he would.
Yeah, he would.
♪♪
You know that son of a bitch
just skipped town on me one day?
♪♪
Left me with nothing.
Just up and disappeared.
[SOFTLY] Disappeared.
Imagine that.
Your own daddy dislikes you that much.
Don't look at it that way, Junior.
That ain't gonna help you none.
I like to think that he
made his way down to Bolivia.
That's what he said
Butch and Sundance did.
They didn't die like in the movie.
Nah, they got to Bolivia
and lived out their lives.
I like to think that's what he did.
Find himself a beautiful
"in-dig-inus" señorita
and lived out his life down there.
Yeah.
You know, some people
think I k*lled him.
Enough of that.
I don't need to sit here
drifting while you're...
sitting there looking all uncomfortable.
Nonsense.
Connecting with the
past is a powerful thing.
Let's pray, Junior.
Oh, Eli.
No offense.
I ain't religious.
Well, it's a good thing I am.
I'll show you what to do.
Let me see them hands.
Okay.
[GRUNTS]
Heavenly father, thank you for
bringing old friends together.
Please help Junior heal from the past.
Even though we don't understand
why we endure the pain we do,
we trust that it is your will.
We are at your mercy.
And your mercy...
[SOFT MUSIC]
Shall redeem us.
♪♪
Amen.
Amen.
Damn.
Kinda nice.
I ended up b*ating him, so
we can do the hotel with you.
We're in.
And we're also excited
to be a hotelier with you.
Lates, JG.
Ooh, baby! It's so f*cking good!
I'ma do an Adderall to celebrate.
I don't love it, but
you wrote a great email,
so I give you my bless.
[LAUGHS]
What the hell?
[GROANS]
What?
♪♪
- [SIGHS]
- [GASPS]
Where's the littlest son we have
who's been coming on things?
- Are you boosting?
- Come on, Pontius.
I thought you were better than this.
Pont, you are getting lapped right now.
He's got the better car, so...
Are you not using the
nitrous or something?
I didn't know there was nitrous, so...
Gideon.
Come here for a second.
Just talk to you real quick.
Sure.
[SIGHS]
What's going on?
Did you talk to your
brother like I asked you to?
Because I just found
this in my pens drawer.
The f*ck? Gross.
- What is that?
- It's Jesse boy's delicates.
Your brother stuffed this
in my damn pens drawer!
I touched it with my bare fingers!
- Why'd you touch it?
- Why didn't you talk to him
- like I asked you to?
- I tried.
I swear to God, I tried.
I could not figure out a
way to bring it up, man.
You wanna be a preacher, don't you?
- Uh...
- Shut up, you do.
- Okay.
- If you're gonna be a preacher,
you gotta be able to talk
about anything, all right?
Even if it makes us uncomfortable.
When we stop doing that... mm-hmm.
People burn in hell.
Watch and learn.
You want me to come in there with you?
- Yes!
- Okay.
'Sup, sup? Guys, little men, what's up?
- 'Sup.
- 'Sup.
Glad you said 'sup first,
Pontius, because I need you
to take the computer goggles off
your face and exit for a moment.
I-I'm in the middle of a game.
I'll play your turn. Get up right now.
Take a hike.
Don't make me say it again.
Okay, don't make me get mad at you.
Abraham.
This chair's a trip, yo.
- [CLEARS THROAT]
- Do you need help?
What did he do to it?
Did he break it?
- sh*t.
- You gotta...
- Dad, you have to put one...
- Shh. I got it, I got it.
Go ahead and hit pause on
the game system there, blood.
Like to rap with you
for a second if I could.
Why were your delicates crammed
in my pens drawer, Abraham?
It's not what you think.
Seems to me it's exactly what I think.
It's crusty and crinkling
and discolored.
I mean, you're just
inside your room, I guess,
having nocturnal emissions
all day long, okay?
From the amount of garments I've found
stuffed around this house,
it's very disrespectful.
Abraham, let me ask you a question.
Do you know what really
happens when a boy...
does the stuff to himself to...
to make the come stuff
into the underwear?
When those hands of
yours touch your privates,
an alarm goes off in heaven.
Okay? And every loved one
you've ever known that's dead,
they are alerted.
They float to where you
are, they join hands,
and they watch you be dirty to yourself.
- Like Grandma?
- Yep, she watches.
Great-granddaddy Roy.
Great-grandmama.
Even some relatives you've
never even met before
like ancient ones from the
Revolutionary w*r times.
Ghosts that will watch
you and be ashamed
of what you're doing to yourself,
of how you're being
dirty and provocative
to your private parts.
You understand?
When people see you do something bad...
it's hard for them to
see you any other way.
I want you to remember that.
Yes, sir.
Now are there any other...
questions you have for me?
Birds and the bees?
Morning woods, peckers,
anything that you wanna discuss
or ask me about?
Well, there is one thing
that I'm still curious about.
Are we still doing that hotel thing?
[CHUCKLES]
Yes, my son.
We are now officially hoteliers.
Oh, Granddad said yes?
Course he did.
He knew he couldn't stand in my way.
Yeah, your granddaddy ain't half
the shitkicker he used to be.
[CLEARS THROAT]
[AWKWARD MOANING]
Mercy, I guess he does
do whatever he wants.
Okay, bye.
You have terrific tits.
Thanks for the cheese enchiladas.
Cue ball, scratch in a corner pocket.
[STIFLED LAUGH]
Bet you two queefs haven't
seen action like that in years.
Next time, keep the
comments to yourself.
We don't want any trouble, friend.
You made your point.
That's what I thought, bitch!
Don't wanna run your mouth, huh?
[LOW TENSE MUSIC]
How dare you talk to us like
that, you big old slab of meat.
- Come on, Junior.
- No.
No, you don't know who
you're messing with.
Jesus.
We're from f*cking Memphis, assh*le.
We stuff twinks like you full of rocks
and sink you in
the Missi-f*cking-ssippi.
You know, you're lucky...
I don't m*rder you right f*cking now.
Or send some of my badass friends
to go do it... find your f*cking house,
slay your whole f*cking family.
[SCREAMING] How 'bout that, assh*le?
- Come on, Junior.
- Yeah.
That's what I'm gonna do.
I'ma take a photograph
of your license plate
with my telephone,
send it to my friends,
who will get your address from
the DMV, come to your house
and f*ck you up, you m*therf*cker!
- [GASPS]
- Oh!
♪♪
Junior!
Oh, my God.
Junior! Junior!
Hope you're wearing
your diapers, old man.
Oh, come on. You didn't have to do that.
[GROANS]
♪♪
[HEARTBEAT ECHOES]
[TENSE MUSIC INTENSIFIES]
♪♪
Stay down there and drool, doggy.
- [DRAMATIC MUSIC]
- [SCREAMS]
[GRUNTS IN PAIN]
Oh, man.
Ooh, whee!
[GRUNTING]
♪♪
Finish him off, Maniac.
Take him down.
- [GRUNTS]
- Yeah!
[LAUGHS]
Yeah! Do it again!
♪♪
Oh, stop, stop, stop! Please!
- Please, please, please!
- Oh, yeah.
- There we go!
- Stop! No, no, no, no!
- Please!
- Ladies and gentlemen,
the Maniac Kid!
- [WHIMPERS]
- Come on, Maniac!
[CRIES] Stop it!
Please!
Do it!
Yeah!
[CRIES]
- [BONES CRACKING]
- [SCREAMING]
- [SCREAMS]
- Yeah!
[LAUGHS MANIACALLY]
[WHIMPERS]
Mofo.
That hurt.
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
Let's go.
♪ Last night the devil learned my name ♪