02x04 - Friends with Benefits

[bunniefuu]

It all comes down to this.

The next 60 seconds
are critical.

There can be no hesitation.

No second-guessing.

Are you ready?

It's a word game.

There's gonna be
second-guessing.

And third guesses.

(laughter)

I'm just making a point, okay?

I'm sure you'll do great.

Judd, tell 'em
how much we up by.

We're up by nine.

(laughter)

JUDD: The Ryders are up by nine.

GRACE: Nine words in a minute?

Okay, well, we should change
the name of this game

- to " Mission Impossible," then.
- (laughter)

Are they always like this
during game night?

Insufferable? Yeah. Yes.

Crush them, please.

Please. Please crush us.

I got this.

- JUDD: Please, please.
- Right.

- Ready?
- Okay, let's go. Okay.

Oh, have fun with that one.

Oh! Okay, TK's fourth birthday.

Bronx Zoo. Second cutest animal.

- Meerkat.
- OWEN: The third cutest.

- Aardvark.
- Yes!

JUDD: Okay.

Famous American outlaw.

GWYNETH: Al Capone.
John Dillinger.

- Jeff Goldblum.
- OWEN: Okay, no.

Bruce Springsteen's
most underrated ballad.

"Ballad of Jesse James."
Jesse James.

Yes. Yes! Yes. Okay.

Oh, I am terrified of...

- Male-pattern baldness. Bacne.
- (laughter)

GWYNETH: Rachel Maddow.
Pennywise the Clown.

OWEN: Yes, yes!
Score it. Okay, good.

Leningrad. Carrot Top.

Squash ball. Molly Ringwald.
Marianas Trench!

- Yes!
- TOMMY AND CHARLES: Oh!

- How is this possible?
- Wait, wait, wait.

No, we are experiencing
a full-on mind meld here.

- Come on, just one more.
- GRACE: Okay.

TOMMY: One more. You got this.

Okay, beautiful place in France.

- Paris.
- That we never got to.

- Riviera!
- (all cheering)

No, no, no, no, no!

That ain't fair.

- Whoo!
- JUDD: That ain't fair. No.

Oh, is it because
you have been dethroned?

Because they've been married
so long,

they have an unfair advantage...
It's obvious.

Oh, I'm pretty sure
we've been divorced

longer than anyone here's
been married.

Which is why
they never stood a chance.

- Mm-hmm.
- Wait, I don't follow.

GWYNETH (laughing): I don't
really understand either.

(laughter)

What, you think
you know each other

when you say "I do"?

Forget it.

You really start to learn
who someone is

when you are sitting
across the table from them

in a deposition
carving up your life savings.

And you know
how their mind really works

and how cunning and ruthless
they can be.

Oh, wow. I'm blushing.

(laughter)

No, but I mean,

divorce has been better
than couples' therapy for us,

'cause when we were together,
we were miles apart.

Now we're not together,
and we've never been closer.

So I think there should be
a term for it.

Somebody should come up
with a term for people

who are better together
not together.

There is a term for that.

It's friends with benefits.

(all clearing throats)

Who wants to play Scattergories?

- JUDD: Mm!
- Right? That's a good idea.

Girl, I got you. Yes.

(phone buttons beep)

(buzzer blares)

(whistle blows)

(grunts)

(X-Ray Spex's "I Am a Poseur")

Let's go, Marj!

Get off!

(grunting)

PAUL: That's it.

- CARLOS: Let's go!
- BOTH: Ooh.

♪ Exhibition is the name

♪ Voyeurism is the game

♪ Stereoscopic is the show

ALL: Ooh!

♪ Grow, grow, grow, grow

Let's go, Marj!

Oh, come on, ref!
What are you, blind?

How do you miss that elbow?

Wait, here it comes,
here it comes.

She's about to bring the pain!

♪ I like to make people stare ♪

- (all cheering)
- That's my girl!

Yeah! Go, Firefox!

- Oh, yeah!
- Good job, six!

Go, Firefox! Yeah, Marjan!

Whoo!

Looks like Marjan's got a fan.

Whoo!

Guys, enjoy.

Thanks.

Hello.

What can I get for you?

Three IPAs, a mineral water,
and an iced tea, please.

You're thirsty.

Only four of those are for me.

(laughs)

I've seen you here
before, right?

Yeah, were you here the night

that Kitten Crusher got impaled?

I was one of the firefighters
that responded.

Firefighter.
Sign me up for the calendar.

And his boyfriend is a cop.

Cool.

Well, that was aggressive.

(chuckles)
I think it's the atmosphere.

But I do like people to know
you're mine.

Well, then I think
we should come here more often.

Maybe we should.

Thank you.

Thank you.

(tense music)

♪

(imitates expl*si*n)
She come out yet?

Not yet.

Feels like maybe we aren't
the only ones waiting for her.

I keep telling her to make
her social media private.

You don't get three million
likes by being private.

PAUL: Or creeps showing up
after your games.

You think he's a creep?

SALIM: Marjan.

What do you think?

How did you know I'd be here?

Instagram.

Surprised?

Hey, Marj?

Everything good here?

Yeah. Uh, yeah.

These are my friends from work,
Paul and Mateo.

This is Salim.

Oh, so you know this guy.

Only our whole lives.

You Marjan's brother
or something?

Salim's my fiancé.

TK: Hi, guys.

How's it going?

Uh... Marjan got engaged.

What?

No way.

Congratulations.

(awkward laughter)

So when did this happen?

When we were 12.

(upbeat jazz music)

♪

(glass clinking)

Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen.

If I could have your attention
for just one second.

Then you can get back
to drankin'.

- (laughter)
- Uh...

I'm Drew.

I'm Jeff's best man.

You may recognize me
from the wedding just now.

Jeff and I have been
best friends since third grade.

We've shared everything.

And now I get to share
in your greatest joy.

You found a really great girl
in Kelsey.

You're just lucky
you found her first.

(laughter)

Kelsey...

you know, I've never seen Jeff
so happy.

(soft music)

I really do love you
for loving him.

- We love you, too, brother.
- (laughs)

You know, seeing the two of you
together makes me...

♪

Makes me, uh...

♪

Makes me, uh...

(gagging)

- I'm so...
- (screams)

- (crowd gasping and screaming)
- GUEST: Oh, my God!

(all retching)

(dramatic music)

♪

(screaming)

♪

(siren wailing)

MATEO: But is it even legal?

I mean, 12 years old?

Doesn't that make you,
like, a child bride?

They're engaged,
not married, Probie.

You do realize that
half the marriages in the world

are still arranged?

- I did not know that.
- MARJAN: Mm-hmm.

But, like, you don't even get
a say?

It's not like my parents drew
his name out of a hat.

Our families have known
each other

since our grandparents
immigrated here.

We have similar values.
We're a good match.

We were babies together.

That almost makes it weirder.

You know, you should probably
stop talking now, Probie.

- Hmm. Can he, though?
- PAUL: (chuckles)

HELENE: From what we can tell,

only the guests
who had fish got sick,

though I can't say we got

a lot of compliments
on the chicken either.

Score one for red meat.

What are you thinking?
Salmonella?

Not if it all came
out of the same kitchen.

Scombroid poisoning...
Improperly stored seafood.

Nancy, radio dispatch.

Tell 'em all RA units need
to bring

as much Zofran, saline,
and Epi as possible.

Captain, can I borrow
a few hands?

Marjan, Mateo, Paul,
assist the captain.

Help! Help, please!

Please, please, please!
No, they're still in there.

Who... who's in there?

Jeff and Kelsey,
the bride and groom.

Okay, you get yourself
taken care of with medical.

You don't look good.

We'll take care of your friends.

Oh, no, I'm okay.

I got most of it up
all over the bride.

JUDD: Coming in.

OWEN: Hello?

Over here! Over here, over here!

Thank God.

We... we tried to... to lift it,
but it was too heavy.

JEFF: (groans)

- JUDD: (grunts)
- (groans)

Hey, Cap,
these trusses are aluminum,

but they're bearing the weight
of all these lights,

so he's got, like, 900 pounds
on him.

- (groaning)
- OWEN: All right.

Hey, Jeff. How you doing?
Big day, huh?

Yep.

OWEN: Can you tell me
where it hurts?

Pretty much everywhere.
I think my leg's broken.

OWEN: All right,
let's secure this area.

Get some saws
and some gas masks.

Gas masks, Cap?

Yeah. Can't you smell it?

- Okay.
- So how long is he in town for?

Who?

Your fiancé.

The guy you're totally into
and haven't seen in a year.

Uh, he flies back to Miami
on Monday.

So kind of a surprise visit?

Mm, he's been meaning to come
visit once I got settled.

So there's
no particular occasion?

I am always the occasion.

It is a little odd, though,

that you've never
mentioned him before.

It never really occurred to me.

- What?
- Okay, maybe it's not that odd.

I mean, I didn't see
a lot of heat

- coming off you two last night.
- Seriously? You too?

It's not a cultural thing,
all right?

It's just an observation.

I just didn't peg you two
for a couple.

(laughs)

No, you thought
he was my stalker.

I thought he was your brother.

Guys, your thinking is
so Western.

When you marry for chemistry,
there's a 50% divorce rate.

You know why ours is
ten times lower?

Because we don't start
with heat.

We believe that love is
something you grow into.

That's kind of beautiful,
actually.

So when's the big day?

Hell if I know.

He still has to finish
dental school,

and we agreed to hold off
the wedding and our parents

until we'd established
ourselves as individuals.

You gonna have a big to-do
like this?

- Hopefully a lot less vomit.
- (chuckles)

Does that mean you'll move back
to Miami?

Eventually.

It's years away.

Is it?

JUDD: Let's get him out of here.

(dramatic music)

OWEN: One, two, three.

♪

Is he gonna be all right?

You may have to postpone
the honeymoon,

but he's gonna be fine.

JEFF: Well, we've waited
this long.

A little while longer
won't k*ll us, right?

(retches)

Somebody get her
a chair, please.

No, I'm... I'm fine.
Really, I'm... it's okay.

Not if you had the fish.

She didn't. She's vegan.

You were in there
when the tent came down.

- Were you hit on the head?
- No.

But you're feeling nauseated?

She's been sick all week.

Maybe she's pregnant.

I mean, my cousin Sophia barfed
at her wedding.

It was morning sickness.
Also at her graduation.

JEFF: It can't be that.

We're proudly waiting
until the wedding night.

Right, babe?

(cries) I'm sorry.

I wanted to tell you,

but I didn't want to ruin
our wedding.

Wait, hold on. You're pregnant?
Why didn't you tell me?

JEFF: Why would she tell you?

Because it's not your business!

How is it not my business?

How is it your business?

(quirky music)

- Oh, my God.
- OWEN: Okay.

Let's get him to the ambulance.

You're gonna have to get him
an ambulance!

I'm gonna k*ll you, Drew!

I was saving myself!

See?

Bad match.

♪

All right, everybody,
hit the showers.

Ugh, gladly.

And what am I supposed to do
with these turnouts?

Burn 'em.

Is it weird that I'm hungry?

- MARJAN: Hi, Gwyn.
- PAUL: Hey, Gwyn.

Gwyneth.
What are you doing here?

(mouth full) Hey, Owen.

Did you bring
processed snack cakes

into my firehouse?

It's a Ho Ho, and I found it
in the cabinet,

hidden behind the kale chips,
but I sniffed it out.

You sniffed it out?
Like a truffle?

Who brought processed sugar
into my kitchen?

I'm assuming everyone
who isn't you.

(sighs) What are you doing here?

You have a minute?

If a bell doesn't go off,
I got a minute.

So, uh, remember the other night

when you were talking about how

whatever this thing is
is working

because we're together
not together?

Oh, please don't make me
explain that.

That sounded so much better
when I was a little drunk.

No, I just want to know,
what is this thing?

- "Thing"?
- Us. This.

Oh. We're having that talk.

No, it's not that talk.
It's a talk.

Right now, in the middle
of my shift?

A bell has not gone off.

And yet
you've come out swinging.

Well, I'm just looking
for a little clarity.

When you asked me to stay,

you said we should see
where this would go.

Yes, yes, I did say that.

So where did it go,
or is it still going,

or how do we know
when it gets there?

You are really putting me
on the spot.

Well, that is not my intention.

I just... I thought that was
the beginning of a dialogue,

not the end of one.

Are we having fun?

Yes, fun. Yeah, it's been great.

I just want to know
what to call it.

Why do we
have to call it anything?

I mean, we know what this is.

- Do we?
- Yeah.

It's... it's... it's us.

It's... it's... this.

You're gonna need more clarity
than that, aren't you?

Yes, Owen, that would be nice.

I am running
a Manhattan law firm

from 1,700 miles away

and carrying a two-bedroom
in SoHo.

Yeah, there are practicalities
to consider.

I'm not making any demands
or ultimatums.

I just... I'm really looking
for some...

- Some clarity.
- Clarity. Yes.

Yeah. No, I think we're...
I think we're clear

on the, uh...

clarity.

Is this time-sensitive?

After a certain age,
most things are.

Then I will do
some thinking on it.

Great. That is all I'm asking.

I'm not making
any ultimatums, nothing.

No, no, no. I totally hear you.

(laughing) Okay.

Okay.

Well, I should probably go.

Okay.

Okay.

You smell a little like vomit.

(sniffs)

(The Upsessions and Lee
"Scratch" Perry's "Shake It")

(upbeat reggae music)

♪

(phone chimes)

♪

♪ This one is dedicated

♪

Are you sure I got it all off?
I can still smell it.

- Can you sniff me?
- I ain't sniffing you, Probie.

(groans)

Hey, Marj, you good?

Mm-hmm.

Salim just texted.

He wants to go for dinner
before he heads back.

(tense music)

He's making reservations
at Osteria Cielo.

Mm. Baller move.

- Place is nice.
- Mm-hmm.

Wait, so why do you look like

someone just drowned your puppy?

This is a big deal.

We've never been on a date
without a chaperone.

Unmarried couples
aren't really supposed to.

He's here for a reason.

Yeah.

Reason? What reason?

He's tired of waiting.

I think you might be right.

Tired of waiting for what?

The man is here
to claim his bride, Probie.

What?

No. We had a deal.

He's supposed to finish
dental school first.

I mean, do we even know

what kind of grades
he's been getting?

This is wrong.

You can't move to Miami now.

You said we still had
a few years.

I thought we did.

♪

- CARLOS: Wow. Back to Miami.
- TK: Maybe, yeah.

I guess that was always
the plan once they got married,

but I just think
Marjan expected it

to, you know, happen
after she was 30 or something.

Kind of a long time to wait.

For him, I mean.
She's very beautiful.

Yeah, I would not be able
to hold out that long.

Yes.

I recall the 15 minutes
after we met.

(laughs)

So why does it have to be Miami?

We have teeth in Texas.

Why can't he open up
a dental practice here?

Well, both their families are
in Florida.

Family. Right.

No, I-I get it.

Take a lot to leave that behind.

Would you?

For the right person, sure.

(tense music)

Oh, you're kidding me. Uh...

What? What is it?

♪

Carlitos.

Carlitos.

- Hey!
- (laughs)

Oh, mamá. Hi, Dad.

Are these your parents?

Well, you wouldn't know
by the way

this one still hasn't hugged
his mother.

Come here! (speaks Spanish)

So nice to finally meet you.

- Hey.
- Hello.

Mom, Dad, this is my friend TK.

We work together.

Oh, you're police, too, TK?

- Firefighter, actually.
- GABRIEL: Ah.

Well, I won't hold it
against you.

He will. Dad's a Texas Ranger.

So, uh, since when
do you eat microgreens?

Ever since he gained
his quarantine 15.

Mira...

he's running out of notches
on that belt.

Fat-shaming isn't
okay anymore, Mom.

Yeah, well, tell that
to his hypertension.

Why do I need a belt
when she wears the pants

in the family anyway?

And at 15 bucks a bag,

I should arrest them
for larceny.

Come on, mi amor.

I see Swiss chard
with your name on it.

The only thing I want charred
is a nice rib eye.

See you Sunday at Tia Lucy's.

For sure. Love you guys.

Nice meeting you, TJ.

Yeah, you too.

So that was a little weird.

♪

(refined jazz music)

WAITER: Our specials
this evening are

a saddle of venison
with a pistachio crust

and a Sicilian branzino
on a bed of pappardelle.

That all sounds amazing.

I'll give you a couple minutes
to think about it.

Can I bring you anything
from the wine list?

Oh, just an iced tea
for me, thanks.

I'll take an Old Fashioned,
with rye instead of bourbon.

- Excellent choice, sir.
- Thank you very much.

(clears throat)
"With rye instead of bourbon"?

Who is this guy?

Don't look so surprised.

You always knew I was a bad boy.

Seriously, though, I've never
seen you drink before.

- We've always had a chaperone.
- MARJAN: True.

What would the parents say
if they could see us now?

My dad would show all your
Firefox videos to the waiter.

(imitating his father)
"5 million likes, this one.

And we used to walk her
to the nursery school."

(laughs)
Your parents are the best.

I miss them. How've they been?

(normal voice)
Much better lately...

other than giving me

the biweekly full-court press
on grandkids.

Thanks again, by the way,
for leaving me with both sets

and running off
to a different time zone.

You will always be my hero
for holding down the fort.

I feel like
a Jordanian Davy Crockett

defending the Alamo, and no
reinforcements are coming.

- (laughs)
- You know he d*ed, by the way.

Read about it
in an in-flight magazine.

Well, the Alamo's just an hour
down the highway.

We can go if you want.

I know the parents are a lot,

and they've probably been
squeezing you to set a date,

but I'd rather we just stuck
to our timeline.

Just a few more years.

Five years.

Five more years.

Yeah, like we always
talked about.

When we're 30.

I feel like I'm just getting
my footing here.

I know. I know.
I follow you on IG.

I see how happy you are at work,

the new mosque,
now with the roller derby.

I'd... I'd never ask you
to give that up.

Really?

Really.

So are you saying
you'd move to Austin?

It is a very nice town.

But you have two years
of dental school left.

How would that work?

It wouldn't.

Look...

I know you're not ready
to get married,

but I am.

Just not to you.

(dramatic music)

Wait.
Are you breaking up with me?

Answer me one question, Marjan.

Have you ever been in love
with me?

What? Of course I love you.

No, that's not what I asked.
In love.

I mean... I mean romantically.
I mean passion.

"Passion"? What, did you read
The Notebook

- on the plane, too?
- I'm serious.

In all the years we've known
each other,

have you ever felt one spark
when you looked at me?

- We've never been about sparks.
- Really?

B-because let me tell you
what I feel when I look at you.

I feel the world getting warmer.

The walls get closer.

I-I lose my breath
when I look at you.

You should probably get that
checked out.

And of course you make a joke.

Well, what do you want me
to say, Salim?

Uh, that you feel something,
anything?

Do you know
how soul-crushing it is

to be the one
who's always pining?

Well, maybe I don't swoon
every time I'm near you,

but those kind of feelings
will grow with time.

Will they?

Because I've had them for you
since I was ten.

It was love at first sight.

And, quite honestly,
I'm not comfortable gambling

that after two decades,

you'll suddenly catch feelings
for me.

But we made a commitment.

I don't want to be with someone
who's only with me

because someone else made
a promise for them

when they were 12.

But we are such a good match.

I met someone.

(scoffs)

What do you mean
you met someone?

I met someone else, Marjan.

Someone else.

What did you lovebirds decide?

(tense music)

♪

Why are you so mad?

- I'm not mad.
- Really?

Then why didn't you say
more than two words

the whole drive home?

I thought you were talking
to TJ.

Seriously?
Is that what this is about?

My mom gets people's names
wrong all the time.

And you didn't correct her,
Carlos.

CARLOS: I will next time.

No, you didn't correct her
'cause it didn't matter

and you don't think
there is gonna be a next time.

Stop it. What are you doing?

"Friend from work"?

You know, if I was your friend
from work,

then what we did this morning
was very unprofessional.

Yeah, HR would definitely have
its hands full on that one.

I'm sorry.

I just wasn't expecting
to run into them.

Yeah, and ever introduce me
to them.

That's not true.

I thought you were out to them.

I am.

Wow. Well, that's even worse.

You're out to them,
and you still didn't tell them

I was your boyfriend.

It's more complicated than that.

How complicated can it be,
Carlos?

Look, not all of us were raised
in Manhattan with parents

who couldn't tear the closet
door off fast enough.

My parents are more traditional.

I just don't like to...
rub their noses in it.

"Rub their noses in it"?

You didn't want to rub
their noses in the fact

that you have somebody
who loves you

and that you
supposedly love back?

♪

I freed some more space
in your closet, Carlos.

♪

(door slams)

You're up early.

I had an early meeting
with Shanghai.

No, I mean before that.

It seemed like you were up
in the night.

No, I don't think so.

Seems like you were restless.

Not restless.
I slept like a stone.

A restless stone.

Like a rollin' stone.

So now we're awkward?
This is the awkward stage?

I don't think so.

Because if every time I attempt

to have some kind
of conversation with you

we get three days of awkward,
it's gonna be less fun.

Well, I want it to be fun.

It should be fun.

Let's make it fun.

- TK.
- Morning.

- When did you get home?
- Last night.

OWEN: I thought you were
staying at Carlos'.

We're in quarantine.
From each other.

Honey, what happened?

We got in a fight.

- You want to talk about it?
- Not really.

It's not good
to keep things bottled up.

Your father is so right.

- Thank you.
- Welcome.

We ran into his parents,

who I've never met,

and I've been dying
to meet them,

and he introduced me
as his friend.

No, he did not.

Well, maybe he's not out
to them.

He's out to them.

Well, what did you want him
to do?

Not treat me
like I didn't exist.

I wanted him to tell them

who I was
and what I mean to him.

Maybe he did.
Maybe we are just friends.

- With benefits.
- (TK sighs)

You're more than that.

I mean, we've all seen
you together.

Why does he have to make
some official announcement?

I just want him to acknowledge
what we are.

That is so reasonable.

Is it?

You're having fun
together, right?

TK: Yeah, of course.

You're not seeing anybody else.

- No.
- And you have history.

Those years count for something.

Months, but okay.

My point being,
what does it matter

what label somebody wants
to put on something?

It matters, because
if you can't agree on one,

it indicates deeper problems.

But if you force someone
to put a label on it

and they're not ready,
you can create a problem

where there isn't one.

Well, if that creates a problem,

it suggests to me
underlying conditions.

The real issue is, do you feel
safe in the relationship?

You can have all the fun
in the world,

but if you don't feel safe,
you're never gonna be happy.

So you're saying
I'm being too pushy?

Hmm? What?
No, I don't think I said that.

So then I should force
the issue?

Not necessarily.

Okay.

Thank, guys.

PAUL: Marjan.

Marjan.

Marjan.

So?

So?

So are we gonna be visiting
your wedding registry or what?

Wedding's off.

What? Oh, that's great!

I-I'm sorry. Are you sad?

You're sad.

(somber music)

You broke it off?

No. He dumped me.

Bet you didn't see that one
coming, Sherlock, did you?

No. No, I did not.

I... (chuckles)

I guess I just never imagined
anyone letting you go.

He met somebody else.

Her name is Madison,

and she's training
to be a periodontist.

You know, I never liked
that guy,

even when he was your brother.

(sighs) It's not all his fault.

Eventually anybody gets tired

of being a friend
with no benefits.

Wait, you... you guys never...

Probie. Boundaries.

He said I'd never felt a spark.

He accused me of never having
been in love with him,

and the truth is,
I never really thought I was

until he dumped me.

So wait, you...
You are in love with him?

I doubt it'd feel
like my heart's

literally been ripped
out of my chest if I weren't,

so, yeah, I'm in love with him.

I think I have been
my whole life.

How did I not see that
until it was too late?

Maybe because
for the first time,

you didn't feel like you had to.

You need to tell him.

You can't be serious.

Deadly.

You cannot let that man fly away

without knowing
how you really feel.

No.

He made his decision.

I'm not gonna show up
at his hotel room

and humiliate myself.

Look, it's a risk.

Love hurts, Marjan.

But regret...

that hurts a lot more.

MATEO: I think he's right.

I mean, the last thing I want
is for you to leave.

But the heart wants
what it wants.

Okay, you sound
a little far away, sir.

IMP (on phone):
I'm calling with Siri.

Okay. What's your name?

IMP: Mistress says I should
only be referred to as Imp.

Okay, Imp.

Um, my name is Grace.

What's wrong with Mistress?

IMP: She was stung by a bee.
She's allergic.

I think there's a hive
in the wall.

Okay. She has an EpiPen?

IMP: Yeah, but she
was reaching for it

when she collapsed.

All right, I'm gonna need you

to grab it for her, okay?

- IMP: See, that's the problem.
- (bees buzzing)

I'm a little tied up right now.

- (bees buzzing)
- (wheezing)

Rescue 29, I have
a 40-year-old female,

multiple bee stings,
possible anaphylaxis.

Be advised, there may be
a hive in the wall.

Sir, do you know if there's
anyone within earshot of you?

No, Mistress keeps
her dungeon soundproofed.

GRACE (on phone):
I suppose it would be.

Is there anybody else
I can call?

IMP (on phone): No.
I'm in Mistress' basement.

- (coughs weakly)
- She's choking.

She's trying to cough,
but air can't get in.

Okay, listen, I think
her airways are closing up.

Did you say
you are completely bound?

There's no room for you
to wiggle free?

Unfortunately, that's the point
of this position.

What position
would that be exactly?

Hogtie frog legs?

Uh, spread eagle strappado?

"Shouldering the r*fle"
is the official term.

GRACE: Okay. All right, Imp.
So your right arm is the one

that's up above your head,
correct?

- IMP: Yes.
- GRACE: And your hands.

Are they touching in the back,
or is there a gap of space?

- Yeah, there's some space.
- GRACE: Okay.

Is there anything hard
or sturdy in the room

that's within your reach?

Not really. My feet are bound.

GRACE: Really?
You're sure there's nothing.

Look all around.

I have enough slack
to reach a couple of rods

that are sticking out
of the wall.

GRACE: Tell me those rods
are pointing towards you.

- Yeah. Why?
- I do have an idea, Imp.

- It is a bit unorthodox.
- Anything for Mistress.

I need you to take your shoulder

and slam it
up against one of the rods

and dislocate it.

What? No.

I may be a masochist,
but I'm not crazy.

Can't the people coming here
just untie me?

Yeah, I'm afraid they're not
gonna make it in time.

But if you dislocate
the shoulder,

you should be able to bring
your arm up over your head

to untie yourself.

(wheezing)

She's turning blue!

Imp, you have to help her.

I can't! I'm afraid.

I don't come here
to be frightened.

I come here to be humiliated.

(scoffs)

Well, what a sorry excuse
for a sub.

IMP: I-I... what?

GRACE: You're not worthy
to be making

this call right now, are you?

Cowering like a worthless
little nub.

Tell me, Imp,
what comes after beta?

IMP: Permission to speak,
Your Grace?

Permission denied!

See, you've crossed
the wrong queen now.

We both know
how pathetic you are.

You look at baby carrots
with envy.

You haven't earned the right...
(pounds table)

To be speaking to me.

IMP: Please, Your Grace.

I'll do it. Is it gonna hurt?

Oh, like hell.

And I expect a thank-you
for the pain.

IMP: Yes, Your Grace.

(exciting music)

- (bone crunches)
- (groaning loudly in pain)

♪

Thank you. I freed myself.

Just a minute. Just a minute.

♪

Okay, I got the EpiPen.

Okay, good.
Jam it into her thigh now.

(inhales deeply, wheezing)

Oh! She's alive.
She's breathing.

Ah!

Thank you, Your Grace.

That was amazing.

I didn't feel a thing.

"Fifty Shades of Grace."

What do you say, Cap?
You need a spot?

No, I'm good.

But, you know,
there is something

I wouldn't mind
getting off my chest.

Okay.

So the other night,
when we were all together,

how did Gwyn seem?

Well, hell, uh, Owen, I don't...

She seemed fine.
I don't really know the lady.

Well, I do know the lady,

and I can tell you,
she was fine.

In fact, she was better
than fine.

And I would say, collectively,
over the last couple months,

we have had more good days
than we had

over the entire ten years
of our marriage.

And I think it's because
none of this was planned.

She was gonna come down here,
stay for a week or two.

We didn't know that we'd be
quarantining together.

We didn't know that we would
start having...

(whispering) The best sex...

All right, I-I get the picture.

(normal voice)
And that was the beauty of it.

You know? The spontaneity.

You know, nobody had
any expectations.

And now...

Now she wants to define
what this is.

And you don't want to do that?

Every time I put a label
on something,

it ends up being
an expiration date.

I don't want to ruin it,
you know?

(laughs)

I do.

You want the cream
without having to buy the cow.

No. I didn't say that.

I want the cow.

But I'm not really thrilled
with this metaphor.

I mean, you can call it
whatever you like to,

but what I'm seeing is,
you get all the benefits

with none of the commitment.

What are you talking about?

I'm the one who asked her
to stay.

And she's the one
who left everything.

It's not like she joined a cult.

It's all out there still.

- (scoffs)
- I mean, I guess I can see

why she might not feel
100% secure.

"Secure."

So is that your word,
or is that hers?

No, I think
the word she used was "safe,"

but she was speaking
theoretically.

Mm-hmm.

Hey, look...

you love her?

I never stopped loving her.

She knows that.

Yeah, but does she?

Does she, though?
That's what I'm saying.

Like, I-I would walk
through fire

so that Grace knows I love her.

She knows I love
being married to her.

Right?
So that she knows she's safe.

And then we got you,

sitting next to the woman
that you claim to love,

just going on and on

about what a thrill it is
to be divorced from her.

(chuckles)

Yeah, I guess I did
kind of do that, didn't I?

Yeah, like you was giving
a stump speech.

You know what to do, Cap.

(knock at door)

(soft piano music playing)

♪

Hey.

Hi.

Can I come in?

You've got a key.

Yeah, I thought maybe
you might want that back.

Why? Are we breaking up?

Or did that already happen?

Because it kind of felt
like it did.

No. I mean, I hope not.

Come in.

♪

Okay, look,
I know I was a little bitch.

No, you weren't.

Yes, I was.

And I just wanted to say that...

I'm not sorry.

I'm not sorry, Carlos.

I know I made it seem
like your relationship

with your parents was about me,

but really, it's about us.

- Do you know what I mean?
- Not really.

Um...

When you didn't tell
your parents

that I was your boyfriend,

it made me feel insecure
about our relationship

and what I mean to you.

And that kills me,

which is exactly why I was
avoiding introducing you,

because I didn't want that
to happen, and...

I-I knew it would.

Yeah, but did it have to?

I mean, they knew you were gay.

They know, yes.

I came out to them
when I was 17,

and they were shocked.

I-I knew it rocked their world,
but they hugged me,

told me they loved me,
and that was that.

(solemn music)

You know what we talked about
the next morning?

Hmm?

The Astros bullpen...

the price of unleaded,

a new calf on our family ranch.

Not one mention
of what I shared...

then or...

since.

They seem like such nice people.

They are nice people.

But they're not perfect people.

You know, my parents may be
very q*eer friendly,

but they're not perfect either.

They just gave me a pep talk
that felt like it was

more about them than about me.

That explains a lot.

There was something

that my mom did say, though.

She said I felt triggered

because I didn't feel safe
in this relationship.

I see.

I'm sorry to hear that.

But you know
what I didn't consider?

Is how unsafe you feel...

and have felt

for so much of your life.

I want you to know
that I am fully on board.

You can tell your parents
I'm your friend,

your colleague,

your personal shopper.

(laughs)

I don't care.

Okay? As long as you need.

And if it never changes?

Well...

nothing ever stays
the same, Carlos.

♪ So I'll wait

♪ For you

- (elevator bell dings)
- ♪ I'll pray

(King Princess' "1950")

♪ I will keep on waiting
for your love ♪

♪ For you

♪ I'll wait

♪ I will keep on waiting
for your ♪

Marjan.

Can I come in?

Yeah. Yeah, of course.
Come on in.

(door closes)

So? (chuckles)

What are you doing here?

Look, I know it's over
between us.

I get it.
You made that really clear.

And, uh, I don't want to make
things weird,

but I can't let you leave
without telling you something.

I love you.

Not because I have to

or because someone made
a promise when I was 12,

but because when I look at you,
the walls get closer,

the world warms up,
and I lose my breath.

Okay. (laughs)

So I got a little weird.

(dramatic music)

I've been waiting my whole life

for you to say
something like that.

♪

- What's wrong?
- Mm-mm. Hmm.

I didn't come here for that.

Uh, okay.

Okay, um...

Maybe I'm not exactly sure
what I came here for,

but suddenly I'm starting
to feel like the other woman.

There's never been
another woman.

I think there has,

and her name was Madison,
if I recall.

Okay, Madison is
a wonderful girl,

but she's not you.

She never was.

I can break it off
with her tonight.

♪

Wow. Just like that?

I'm confused.
Isn't that what you want?

Yes.

But that's the problem, Salim.

I can't be with someone

who doesn't honor
their commitments...

to their family,
to their values,

to their periodontists
on the side.

- I didn't think you wanted me.
- I know.

I helped put us
in this position,

but now here we are, and...

and I'm sorry.

♪

(sighs)

♪

This really can't work out now,
can it?

No.

I don't think it can.

We were such a good match.

And such bad timing.

♪

(sighs)

(breathing heavily)

Owen?

Oh, dear.

(soft music)

♪

Owen?

Can you bring
my reading glasses?

I can't see anything in here.

It's Château le Sommet.

I haven't had that since...

Those are stargazer lilies.

And Geneva chocolates.
That's the same...

Setup we had waiting for us
in our wedding suite.

You charming son of a bitch.

16 years ago,

I blew the great relationship
of my life.

And I'll be damned
if I'm gonna do it again, so...

And this time,

we're gonna get
to the French Riviera.

(laughs)

Gwyneth Lynn Morgan,

will you make me
the happiest man in the world

and marry me again?

What?

- No. Get up.
- Wha...

- We're not doing that.
- Wait a minute.

I thought this is
what you wanted.

What do I want
with a wedding ring?

I-I said I needed clarity,

not a proposal.

Okay, I think I'm the one
who needs some clarity.

If you weren't interested
in getting married,

why were you suddenly so intense

on nailing down
where this was all going?

I'm pregnant, Owen.

(stuttering) Sorry?

Knocked up. Bun in the oven.

Two lines on a pee test.
Pregnant.

- Well, that's...
- Ridiculous.

Yes. Surreal, sure.

But, uh, impossible,
apparently not.

(tense music)

♪

Well, that clears that up.