04x41 - Star Wars

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Phineas and Ferb". Aired: August 2007 to November 2015.*
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Stepbrothers adventures during their summer vacation.
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04x41 - Star Wars

Post by bunniefuu »

[Star Wars theme playing]

[male narrator reading]

Male director : [interrupts]
Uh, uh, can you do it faster?


Male narrator: Faster?

Male director : Yeah.
And funnier, if possible.


Male narrator: Oh, faster?
Okay. Um... All right.


[inhales deeply]

[reading while imitating
Doofenshmirtz]

Male directors: Uh,
uh, yeah, yeah, no, no.


- Male narrator: What? What?
- Male director : Forget the funnier.


Male director : Yeah, just go faster.

Male narrator: [normal voice] All right.

[male narrator reading faster]

Bum, bum, bum!

Male director : [laughs]
Sounds creepy like that.


- Male director : That's good. I like it.
- Male narrator: Thanks. Yeah, it was capitalized.


[male narrator continues]

TK- , I'm gonna need you
to run these numbers again.

I took a third out
of the budget already.

Orders from the top.
There's nothing I can do.

[electricity crackling]

[alarm blaring]

Stormtrooper: Stop right there!

Oh, uh, it's work-related.

There he is!

- Captain, the Rebel is escaping!
- Go after him!

Whoa! What the heck?

Stormtrooper: I'm slipping!
I'm slipping!


No, no, no! Save, save, save!

We received your transmissions.
So you have the Death Star plans?

Agent P, you never cease to am...

[loud crash]
[gasps]

Your highness, an imperial Star
Destroyer has tracked our position.


[f*ring continues]

[music]

♪ You can look, but you're never
gonna find a better place to be ♪


♪ than this little slice of heaven ♪

♪ tucked between the Jundland
wastes and the big dune sea ♪


♪ we can surf through the canyons
or train a pack of Dewbacks ♪


♪ build a giant hamster
habitat for womp rats ♪


♪ or fire up our solar-powered
sandcastle making machine ♪


Chorus: # we're on Tatooine #

Phineas: # yeah, we're
living like kings out here #


♪ we got a two-sun
summer the whole darn year ♪


♪ cruising Beggar's Canyon in our T- ♪

♪ or just sitting on a
rock eating blue ice cream ♪


Chorus: # blue ice cream #

♪ 'cause we're on Tatooine ♪

[rapping] # oh, we got two
big suns count 'em, one and two #


- # and there's two Flynn-Fletcher boys #
- # me and you! #


♪ well, we're brothers! ♪

♪ we're step no, we don't share a gene ♪

♪ but we'll always be
together here on Tatooine ♪


Phineas: # jamming with the
modal nodes racing turbo dust bikes #


♪ trading with the Jawas ♪

♪ trickin' out a droid
or soupin' up the barge ♪


♪ for a trip around anchorhead tower ♪

♪ we can stop along the way
and startle Tusken raiders ♪


♪ and still be home in
time to fix the vaporators ♪


♪ I think you know exactly what we mean ♪

Chorus: # we love Tatooine! #

Phineas: # yeah, we're
living like kings out here #


♪ we got a two-sun
summer the whole darn year ♪


♪ cruising Beggar's canyon in our T- ♪

- # or just sitting on a rock eating blue ice cream #
- chorus: # we love Tatooine #


Phineas: # I may be
wearing my heart on my sleeve #


♪ but I can't understand why
anyone would want to leave ♪


♪ we know our city pride
may sound a tad extreme ♪


♪ but we're so happy here we
tend to overstate this theme ♪


♪ overstate this theme! ♪

♪ 'cause we love Tatooine! ♪

Chorus: # ooh, we
love it ooh, we love it #


♪ here on Tatooine ♪

♪ we love Tatooine ♪

[horn honking musically]

- Phineas: Hey, Luke!
- Phineas! Ferb! What's up, guys?

Ferb. [button beeps]
Check this out.

Pod-racing engines?
How'd you hook these up?

We just picked up some power
converters at Tosche station.

Nice.

You need help with
your moisture vaporator?

- We can trick it out like ours.
- Luke: I wish.

But Uncle Owen wants to do
things the old-fashioned way.

Even the droids he buys are used.

Hey, treadwell. [beeps]
Well, we'll catch you later, Luke.

We're gonna mosey on home for lunch.

Wow.
When they mosey, they mosey.

What in...

Is that a Star Destroyer?

Candace: Finally, some
real Rebel-busting!

This is why I joined the
Empire in the first place.

I am so excited, I can
hardly contain myself.

- I told you to go before the raid.
- That is not what I meant.

But now that you mention it...

All right, lock it up,
we got Rebels to bust.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Where
do you think you're going?

Uh, space battle over that way?

Certainly not. You know your mission,

- to find socks for Lord Vader.
- Yes, sir.

Socks?! This is a total
waste of my potential!

[frustrated grunt]

Buford: Not me. This
is about where I peak.

Agent P, I need you to make
sure this R unit goes to Obi-Wan Kenobi

on Tatooine. But first,
I need to record a video message.

Uh, be a dear and stand
over by the bulkhead.

You're kind of in my sh*t.

Buford: So what color
socks do you think he wants?


- Baljeet: Uh, black?
- Buford: I'm just saying,


everything that guy owns is
black. You think maybe... What?

Oh, there's somebody
doing something over there.


Oh, yeah!
It's busting time!

[sing-song] Oh, commander!

Huh. We are never going
to get those socks, are we?

Hey, I found a pair of socks.

Where? Right here.

- Ow!
- Don't be a baby, you're wearing armor.

But it is plastic.

Commander! Commander!
There's a Rebel

in a dress recording
something into a droid!

Ooh! By chance, was this droid

- distributing socks of any kind?
- Well, no.

Then it's none of your concern,
is it? Back on sock detail!

[frustrated grunt]

Me? I'm an argyle man.

Huh. I would not think
that from looking at you.

Candace: Hey! Where'd they go?

Danish head ran off, but
the droids are over there.

C- PO: Oh, no!
I'm going to regret this.

- There goes another one.
- Hold your fire. There's no life forms.

It must have short circuited.

- [yawns] Coffee?
- Yeah. Let's get some of that Sith Roast.

Male singers: # Sith Roast! #

Candace: They got away!

We've got to follow them! Come on,
we'll take the other escape pod!

- Baljeet: Um, Candace?
- What?

[to the tune of the Imperial march]
# Socks, socks, socks #


♪ sock-sock-socks
sock-sock-socks ♪


Look, if we catch
those two droids, we'll

be promoted off of sock
detail. Let's drift.

Technically, we will not be drifting.

More like violent ejection,
plummeting through the atmosphere,

and crashing onto the planet's surface.

Mmm. That's good coffee.
Did you know this is decaf?

Huh. I could not tell.

Male singers: # Sith Roast! #

Man: Decaf.
[Ewok screeching]


Chorus: # Fully operational Death Star!

How do you like that, Norm?

My beautiful invention
floating out here in space,

and do you think i
get any credit for it?

Your invention, sir?

Well, yeah. I designed
it to be a nutcracker.

Here, look, look at this.

[crunching]

See? It works just fine.
But the Empire took my idea

and made it so big, it's
completely impractical.

- A walnut would be totally obliterated.
- The universe is cruel and unjust.

Well, when they see my new invention,
they'll be singing a different tune.

All I need is to get my hands
on a little bit of force to get

it up and running. But where am
I gonna find some extra force?

The force surrounds
us, it penetrates us,

- it binds the galaxy...
- Yeah, I've seen the bumper sticker.

No more adventures.
I'm not going that way.

[R -D beeps]

Candace: Ugh. Tatooine.

Okay, my busting
instincts are telling me

that the droids went
that way! Now, come on!

Baljeet: Actually, I joined
the Empire by accident.

I was trying to sign
up for a physics camp.

Physics camp?
Yeah, you're better off.

Hey, Candace, why did
you join the Empire?

Don't you remember
anything from orientation?

Rebels are cruel,
heartless sub-humans who are

messing up the galaxy. And
I'm all about law and order.

♪ Ever since I was young
you know I hated dissension ♪


♪ among my peer group, it
caused a whole lot of tension ♪


♪ when the other kids were slouching
I would stand at attention ♪


♪ and I've always
looked so good in white ♪


♪ now I'm a bad mamma jamma,
and I rock a mean helmet ♪


♪ if I see a Rebellion, then
you know I'm gonna quell it ♪


♪ I'm a certified, full-blown,
armor-wearing zealot ♪


♪ and it feels so good
to know I'm always right ♪


♪ you can see exotic
worlds across the galaxy ♪


♪ in the Empire ♪

Both: # in the Empire #

♪ you can be all that
they want you to be ♪


♪ you get a K and
your meals are free ♪


♪ in the Empire ♪

Both: # in the Empire #

♪ in the Empire ♪

Boys: # in the Empire #

All: # I don't know, but I've been told #

♪ the Rebels need to be controlled ♪

♪ we'll round them up
and put 'em all in stocks ♪


♪ but first we gotta
get Darth Vader's socks! ♪


♪ it's so not fair! ♪

I mean, why am I still
on sock detail when

Gladys from accounting
got promoted to commander,

and she doesn't even know
how to hold a blaster.

No, I mean, really, she failed
that part of the exam four times.

She held it backwards and upside-down.

But, no, she's a second
cousin of some midlevel Darth,

and so she gets a
promotion? What about me?

♪ if they would just open their eyes ♪

♪ they'd see that I've
got everything it takes ♪


♪ I could be the stormiest
Stormtrooper ever! ♪


- You feeling better?
- Yeah. Thanks.

♪ You can see exotic
worlds across the galaxy ♪


♪ in the Empire ♪

Both: # in the Empire #

♪ you can be all that
they want you to be ♪


♪ you can march to
the b*at of conformity ♪


♪ in the Empire ♪

All: # in the Empire #

♪ in the Empire ♪

Both: # in the Empire #

♪ in the Empire ♪

Both: # in the Empire #

♪ in the Empire ♪

- Look, sir! Droids.
- No. This is a bathtub stopper.

TK- , what are you doing out here?

Candace: Well, we followed some
droids that ejected from the...

Hup-uhp-uhp-uhp. The
droids and the missing

Death Star plans are
none of your concern.

- Death Star plans?
- Never you mind. You go to Mos Eisley.

I'm sure you can find some
socks for Lord Vader there.

[disappointedly] Yes, sir.

- Look, sir! A magic flute.
- No, that's a stick.

Hi, mom. Hi, dad.

Hello, boys. You're
just in time for lunch.

So, what's on the list?
Another day filled with big plans?

"Herd all the nerfs
into Beggar's canyon,

"teach the Sarlacc to brush his teeth,

"and giving a Bantha a shower."
That's awfully ambitious.

Just trying to make the most
of each and every summer day!

Hey, we stopped by and saw Luke.

Ooh! Let me guess, was he
staring wistfully at the horizon?

- Lawrence!
- What?

Everyone knows that boy would
rather be somewhere else.

What about you two?
The crops are so far ahead,

would you like to spend
the rest of the summer

- at swim camp on Naboo?
- Sounds fun, but we'll pass.

Mom: Well, how about ski camp on Hoth?

Don't you boys ever want to
see the rest of the galaxy?

Not really. We've got everything
we want right here on Tatooine.

Sand, womp rats,
brothers, and Banthas.

Why would anyone want to leave?

Wait till they discover there
are no girls on this planet.

Lawrence!

[Jawas speaking native language]

_

Uncle Owen: Take these two
over to the garage, will ya?


- I want 'em cleaned up before dinner.
- Luke: But I was going


into Tosche station to pick
up some power converters.


Owen: You can waste time
with your friends when


your chores are done.
Now, come on, get to it.


Luke: Well, come on, red, let's go.

[distressed beeping]
[shattering]

- Uncle Owen!
- Yeah?

This R unit has a bad motivator. Look!

Owen: Hey! What are you
trying to push on us?


- Luke: What about that one?
- Owen: What about that blue one?


We'll take that one.

[R -D beeping]

- Okay, let's go.
- C- PO: Now, don't you forget this.

Why I should stick my neck out for
you is quite beyond my capacity.

Norm, bring all my gear down to my lair.

You mean the abandoned
recycling compartment?


It's a lair!

Ooh, what do you know,
a moving sidewalk.

[Darth Vader breathing heavily]
Oh, ooh! Darth Vader!

Hey, I know that guy.
It's Darth Vader.

Hey, hey, wha...
Wait up! Wait up.

Phew! Darth Vader, uh,
uh, Heinz Darthenshmirtz.

I'm not sure if you remember me.

The Doof Star, the
little nutcracker thing.

And then you sort of
stole my plans. [grunts]

Anyway, I got a new invention,
and it's gonna knock your socks off.

I'm wondering if you could,
uh, spare a little force?

I thought maybe you had a
little extra lying arou...

Okay. Uh, good talk.

C- PO: Please, master Luke took off your
restraining bolt, now quit complaining.


Now, I'm taking another oil bath.
And I don't want to be disturbed.

[sighs contentedly]

[beeping]

Wow, that Bantha took a lot longer
to clean than I thought it would.

We better get home.

Whoa!

[beeping]

Whoa, little fella!
Sorry about that.

Say, what's a droid like you doing
out here in the Jundland wastes?

[beeping]

Oh, cool, a movie!

Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi.
You're my only hope.


Oh, she must mean Ben Kenobi.
Hey, we were just there!

We have Jedi lessons
with him every Tuesday.

He lives right at the edge of
the dune sea. Do you want a ride?

[beeping]

Okay, suit yourself.

And remember, sand people
travel single file to

hide their numbers. Oh,
he probably already knows.

[speaking Tusken]

[speaking Tusken]

[raiders cheering]

[beeping]

Ah, Agent P, our sources
tell us that the R unit


is safely in the possession
of Obi-Wan Kenobi.


You always come through for us.

Great work. Now, take
a well-deserved rest.


Agent P, I've got your next mission.

You need you to get to
the Death Star immediately.


Darthenshmirtz is
working on a new inator.


We need you to stop him before
he can finish building it.


Good luck.

Phineas: Okay, mom. See ya later!

Mom: Don't forget
your two-sun sunscreen.


Way ahead of you, mom!

Hey, what's this? "Death Star plans"?

Wait, I bet it belongs to
that R unit that we sent

to Ben Kenobi's house.
I wonder if he's still there.

Ferb: No. He is on
his way to Mos Eisley.


Oh, wow, can you sense
that with the force?

No, I can see them.
They're right over there.

Phineas: You're right, Ferb.
And Luke's with them. And so...


[speaks Tusken]
[gasps]

Oh, you got me!

[speaks Tusken]

[music]

[creature growls]

Phineas and Ferb!
My best customers!

Hey, Blatto, we're
trying to find an R unit

and give him back this data disk.

- Hey!
- Let's take a look at it.

Wow! It's an imperial battle
station the size of a moon!

And according to these schematics,

it seems to be designed specifically
to destroy entire planets!

Whoa! I, I never imagined
the Empire would go that far.

Huh, you're right, Ferb.
One proton torpedo in that

small exhaust port and the
whole thing goes blammo!

Uh, it's like it's got
a self-destruct button.

What kind of idiot would design that?

[frustrated grunt]
Why can't I master this?

Wait, if the Rebels
had this information,

they might stand a
chance against this thing.

A small one-man fighter could
penetrate the outer defense,

fly along that trench, and
get to the exhaust port.

Hey, spoiler alert!

That droid must be part
of the Rebel alliance.

We've got to get this disc back to him.

- Candace, did you get the socks?
- Mission accomplished.

- I got a hoagie!
- Are those the stolen

Death Star plans we are not
supposed to be looking for?


Candace: I don't believe it!

Hey! You with the Death Star
plans! You guys are so busted!


Uh-oh! Let's get out of here!

- And they're lost in the crowd.
- Not on my watch! Let's go!

Hey, look, there's the droid!

You two! Stop right there!

- Buford!
- Sorry! My bad!

[roars]

Man: My watermelon!

There's the droid.
Let's get over there.

Stormtrooper: Stop that ship! Blast 'em!

- Han Solo: Chewie! Get us out of here!
- Phineas: Maybe we came at a bad time.


Stormtrooper: Oh, crud. This is
going to be nothing but paperwork.

If we don't get these
plans to that R droid,

entire planets could be destroyed.

Come on, we've got to find
a pilot and follow that ship.

[upbeat music playing]

Cantina MC: All right! Figrin
d'An and the Modal Nodes!


Not a bad set, guys. Only one death and

one dismemberment. Not
bad for a Wednesday.


[speaks Aqualish]

I don't like him either!

MC: All right, let's give her
a big cantina welcome, folks.


Vanessa the Twi'lek.
[glass shattering]


- Um... We're looking for a pilot.
- Over there.

Well, someone said he sh*t first, but
I could've sworn it was the other guy.

[soft music playing]

No, there.

♪ I'd get out of here
just as soon as I'm able ♪


[roars]

♪ but my hyperdrive's on the fritz ♪

♪ just today the Mynocks
chewed my power cables ♪


♪ and my life's one big Sarlacc pit ♪

[gasps]

♪ and I'm feeling so low... ♪

Oh, great.

What do you farm boys want?

I'm Phineas and this
is my brother, Ferb.

We understand you're
a pretty good pilot.

- For a price.
- Well, we have a very important disc

we need to get to someone who
just blasted out of docking bay .

- I know whose ship that is.
- Whose?

Han Solo.

♪ so low! ♪

Solo's been a thorn
in my side for years.

My ship, the Centennial
Chihuahua, was on pace to finish

the Kessel run in parsecs
and that nerf-herder cut me off.

- # I'm feelin' so low #
- Everybody loves Solo.

Twelve parsecs. If I ever hear
his name again, I'll just...

Vanessa: # so low, so low,
so low, so low, so low... #


Would you two excuse me?

[Vanessa groans]

Yeah, we should probably get going.

Well!

Here's my ship, the
Centennial Chihuahua.

- Why'd you call it the Chihuahua?
- It's personal.

It seems weird you'd call it something
you didn't want to be asked about.

You're right. It was
a call for attention.

- There they are!
- Well, looks like we got it.

Move it!
We gotta get outta here!

- Fire the cannon!
- I think the barrel end slides in here.

But then the scope is on
the bottom. That's not right.

Hold on, this is gonna be rough.

Give me that!

You're going down!

- Uh-oh!
- I see it!

And you thought we
were gonna die in space.

Candace: Move! Move! Move!

[frustrated grunt]

Gosh, Ferb, our planet
looks so small from here.

- First time in space?
- Well, yeah, now that you mention it.

- Yeah, your planet's over here.
- Oh, that makes much more sense.

Mom and dad always did
want us to see the galaxy,

but I don't think this
is what they had in mind.

You might want to buckle up. I'm
making the jump to hyperspace.

A little more warning would be nice.

[clears throat]

I grow tired of asking this, but
please tell me you have the socks.

Yes. Buford?
With my compliments, sir.

Excellent. Now report to the
Death Star for reassignment.

I'll deliver these to Lord Vader myself.

Finally! Now we're
gonna see some action!

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
You're not riding in here.

Uh, this shuttle's full. You
can ride back to the Death Star

- on that bus pod.
- Buford: What a piece of junk! [horn honks]

Wait, that's it!
I've solved my force problem!

I can extract it from Vader's
garbage. It says right here, see?

You can find anything on the internet.

Hey, check it out, Norm- PO.

According to this real estate website,
my timeshare on Alderaan is worth,

like, times more than I
paid for it six years ago.

Oh, I knew the value would go up.

It's just, it's such a peaceful
place, and people like to...

Wait, what? What's this? The...
The value is totally dropping!

Zero!

[clattering]

Hey! What you doing?

Isabella, did you know you have
T- thermal couplings up here?

- Get down from there!
- Ferb and I can reroute

their current
to double up your power supply.

Just keep your paws off my ship.

Reroute thermal couplings.

I wonder what our family and
friends are doing back on Tatooine.

It feels a little strange
to be so far from them.


But at least we're making new
friends. Like you, Isabella.

This is not a "friend" ship, it's
a space ship. So don't inv*de mine.

[beeping] We're coming out of
hyperspace. Buckle up, ladies.

What do you think, Ferb? A
girl like her and a guy like me?

Sure, why not?

As promised, the Millennium Falcon.

I should be able to catch him
before he gets to that small moon.

That's no moon.
It's the Death Star!

- Isabella, turn the ship around!
- What have you guys gotten me into?

We're caught in a tractor beam!
My engines can't pull us free.


Looks like we're gonna
have to sh**t our way out.

- I'm powering up the turrets!
- There are alternatives to fighting!

Isabella: I should've known getting
this close to Solo was a bad idea.


Hurry it up back there!

We modified the deflector shield with
a cloaking mechanism. Give it a try!

This had better work, or
you two are floating home!

I don't think we could
float all the way home.

I mean, we wouldn't survive seconds

- in the cold vacuum of...
- It's a figure of speech!

Phineas: It worked! It even
smells like donuts in here.


- Nice touch, Ferb.
- Okay, let's see if it fools them.

[comlink beeps]

[in New Jersey accent] Uh,
docking bay control, you got us


caught in a tractor beam here.
Do you guys want donuts or not?


Oh, sh**t! Sorry.
Disengaging tractor beam.

[powers down]

Deliveries are in docking bay .

You're clear to land.
So, donuts?

- Does Darth Vader wear a funny hat?
- Dude!

Oh, relax. He can't hear
us all the way down...

[choking] [gasps]
Oh, no! I didn't... Oh!

[laughs] Gotcha!
[growling]

Candace: Can you believe this?
Making us ride the bus pod?


They better give us a real
Rebel-fighting job this time

- and not just running some more errands.
- Uh-oh.

I mean, how hard is it to deliver socks?

- Uh, Candace?
- Yes?

I believe Buford
requires your attention.

Oh. What is it, Buford?

Huh. Uh, Buford, I'm
going to ask you a question

and I want you to think
very hard before you answer.

- Thinking is always hard.
- I know.

Here's the thing.
If we have Darth Vader's socks,

- what exactly did we give the commander?
- Uh...

Darth Vader: I find your
lack of socks disturbing.


[choking]
[breathing heavily]

Stormtrooper : Hello? Are you open yet?

Stormtrooper : Hope
they have old-fashioneds.


- Those are my favorites.
- Isabella: I can't believe that worked!


I feel guilty, though. Maybe
we should get them some donuts.

- Would you stay focused?
- Uh, sorry.

Okay, let's find Solo's ship and
the droid. And then I'm outta here.

Well, they landed in docking bay .
And we're in docking bay .

That's not so bad.

What is it, Ferb?
What's with the hand?

I feel something, a presence
I have not felt since...

- Perry! Hey, old buddy!
- Who is this?

This is Perry the platypus.
He used to be our pet until

we found out he was secretly
an agent for the Rebellion.

We felt a little betrayed
and hurt at first,

but bygones be bygones!
Now we're good, right?

[chattering]

So you're probably on a
mission right now, huh?

Hey! So are we!
[chuckles]

Oh, uh, this is our pilot, Isabella.

[clicks tongue]

So, uh, good luck.

- He looks good.
- Ugh! Let's get this over with.

Darthenshmirtz: There ought
to be enough residual force


in Vader's garbage here to power it
up for, you know, at least one sh*t.


One man's trash is
another man's bad idea!

Just put the garbage in the
chute, Mr. Wisen Droider.

[door beeps]

Darthenshmirtz: Well, well,
well, it's Perry the Rebel-pus.


Oh, sorry about the door. I...
I put in a work order, but the

guy's not gonna get down here
till, like, Thursday, so, you know.

You see, I did put a big red "X" on the
floor and people will stand on it.

It's human nature. Or in
this case, platypus nature!


What's wrong, Ferb?
You got your hand up again.

- Perry is in trouble.
- Oh, no! Let's go help him!

No. You must get that
disc to the Rebels.

- We cannot risk our mission.
- Split up? Really?

Just do what you need to do
fast and meet us at the Falcon.

May the force be with
you, and all that stuff.

Come on, we gotta find that droid.

[distant hammering]

There! It's just like art!

Yeah, nothing like a frozen
platypus to tie a room together.

Now, allow me to tell you why
I created my latest inator.

♪ You see, the force with me is weak ♪

♪ I've never been that hip or chic ♪

♪ people treat me like a freak ♪

♪ sometimes they even boo and hiss ♪

♪ let me tell you, even though
my midi-chlorians are low ♪


♪ I'll be the Death Star's CEO ♪

♪ when they get a load of this ♪

♪ it's a Sith-inator
it's a really cool machine ♪


♪ my evil will be greater
than Darth Vader's ever been ♪


♪ you ask all those haters
from Naboo to Tatooine ♪


♪ they'll say, "wow, that
Darthenshmirtz is mean!" ♪


♪ when this is operational,
I'll zap myself, and bam! ♪


♪ the force will be so strong
with me, they'll all know who I am ♪


♪ and all those bureaucrats that
used to point and jeer and joke ♪


♪ if I put my fingers just like
this, they're gonna start to choke ♪


♪ Moff Tarkin will respect me,
give me medals and a raise ♪


♪ with all my newfound Sith-iness
I'll set the force ablaze ♪


♪ the Emperor who used to
only greet me with a yawn ♪


♪ he now will say, "I'm blown
away, much like Alderaan" ♪


♪ it's a Sith-inator
it's a really cool machine ♪


♪ my evil will be greater
than Darth Vader's ever been ♪


♪ you ask all those haters
from Naboo to Tatooine ♪


♪ they'll say, "wow, that
Darthenshmirtz is mean!" ♪


♪ it's my Sith-inator
it's got evil moving parts ♪


♪ I'm a Sith creator, and
my evil's off the charts ♪


♪ and my portrait will be placed
on all the grandest evil hearths ♪


♪ and I'll no longer be
the lowest of the Darths ♪


♪ I'll no longer be the lowest ♪

♪ the fastest, not the slowest ♪

♪ the yes-est,
not the no-est ♪


♪ and you'll all be eating crow-est ♪

♪ I'll no longer be the
lowest of the Darths ♪


Darth Vader can kiss my Bantha!

Very good, sir. That was
better than rehearsal.

All right, stay close
to your comlinks, ladies.

And if all goes well, I'll have a
victory number in the fourth act!

So, like I said, I'm
going to make myself

super evil with my Sith-inator here.

But first, I'm gonna sh**t
you just to make sure it's safe

and, you know, I don't die or fry myself

and have to wear one of
those masks like Vader,

'cause that would not
be a good look for me.

Uh, you know, plus, if it works,
you can join me on the dark side.


We can be Sith buddies!
What do you think, huh?

[powering up]

[screaming]


Hold on, wait a minute, wait...
Who let a kid in here?

[groaning]
Hey, buddy, you okay?

Yeah, he's gonna have
a headache. But with any

luck, he's gonna be so evil
when he gets on his feet!

Oh, great, I used up all
the force on this guy.

Hey, Norm, grab the trash
can. We gotta go refuel.

Wait right here, Perry the Rebel-pus.

We'll be right back to turn
you to the dark side, too.

And then you, me, and this
kid in the cloak, I guess,

- can be the three Sith-keteers!
- Who can I be, sir?

You can be the horse.
Come on, let's go.

We gotta get some more of
that super force-y Vader trash,


and I know just where to look.

Han Solo: [through comlink]
We're all right now...


TK- reporting for duty, sir.

- Just a minute.
- Han Solo: How are you?


- Ooh, tell him I'm doing great! [slap]
- We're sending a squad in.

Han Solo: Uh, negative, negative.
We have a reactor leak here, uh, now.


Give us a few minutes to lock it
down. Uh, large leak. Very dangerous.


Who is this? What's your
operating number? [short circuits]

Aw, I was just getting
into that conversation.

All of you, go directly to level
five, detention block AA- !

- Buford: Yeah! Get some!
- Baljeet: Buford, wait!

Finally, some real action!

Hup-uhp-uhp-uhp-uhp! I need you
to stay here and guard this post!

- Wha... But, but, but...
- That's an order!

Oh, Bantha droppings!

...and no matter what, we
always did everything together!

- Are you done?
- Yep.

Good! Then let's get going!

Serious trooper.
Happy trooper.

Enigmatic trooper.
Sad trooper...

It's down here around this
corner, and then... Uh-oh.

Hey, you're the ones with
the stolen Death Star plans!

Run!

Hey, that's coming out of my salary!

Han Solo: This garbage chute
is a really wonderful idea!


What an incredible
smell you've discovered.


Come here, boy!
Come on! That's it.


Now, what have you got for papa today?

Ooh! Is that Darth Vader's inhaler?
Nice! Now we're talking!

And what's this? This looks like a
perfectly good Bantha cheese hoagie!

Well, it's not good anymore,
it's been underwater, but...

Wow! According to this,
it's reeking with dark force!

Vader must have touched it. Put it
in! What else have you got for me?

[grunts eagerly]

That's not trash, dummy, that's a guy.

Just put him back. I've got enough.

Man, you can lead a Dianoga to
garbage, but you can't make him think!

Ah-ah-ah!
Don't forget to flush!

Luke: The walls are moving!

Leia: Don't just stand there!
Try and brace it with something!


Man, someone needs to oil that thing.

[Chewbacca howls]

Okay, come on, Norm- PO,
let's go make some Sith happen.

[beeping]

Oh, hey, they fixed the door. Must
have been a cancellation somewhere.

I'm gonna go check on the Sith-inator,
you go see if that kid's evil yet.

Where did we leave him?
Behind this box?

[emitting Ewok screeching]

Norm, what the heck are
you standing around for?

I thought I told you... Whoa!
Whoa! Whoa!

[powering down]
[groaning]

Oh, my spleen!
[grunting]

Hey! Get away from that!

Perry the Rebel-pus, you
stay away from my inator.

Don't make...
[speaking gibberish]

[screaming]
No, wait, wait, wait!

[crashing]

You know, I'm thinking
about getting a saxophone.

Ah, good for you.
[rumbling]

[screaming]

I would like to see you try that again.

[groans]

- Uh, should we report that?
- I'm not losing my place in line.

Candace: Hey!
Get back here, you two!

All: Whoa!

[screaming]

[grunting]

Help!
Help, somebody! I'm slipping!

- Oh, no! I have to help her!
- Don't be a fool!

[grunting]

[whimpering]

[shrieks]

I got you!

[both grunting]

[both panting]

Uh, but...

[gasps]

Why would you save me?
You're a Rebel!

You were in trouble.

I couldn't just leave
you hanging. Literally.

- Well...
- Buford!

Watch where you're sh**ting that thing!

Seriously, why don't they put
safeties on these blasters?

[screaming]

- Sorry, my bad.
- Hey, don't worry about it!

I'm planning on hitting
the wall and sliding down

until I catch on to a radio antenna.

Oh, no. Wait, that's
Cloud City I'm thinking of!


[glass shattering]
Oh, crud!


But why would he save me?

You're either really
brave or really stupid!

Well, kid, looks like your
luck hasn't run out yet.

Phineas: There's the
Falcon. And the R unit!


It's getting away! But I've
got to get the disc to...

Quick! Back to my ship!

Wait! What about Ferb? We
can't leave without him.

If we don't leave now,
we'll lose the Falcon.

- But I can't leave my brother.
- Tick-tock, tick-tock.

Isabella, you've got to
take the disc back to R .

- I'll go find Ferb.
- If I leave, I'm not coming back.

Fine. Just make sure you
deliver the disc to the R unit.

How do you know I won't
just go back to Tatooine?

- I trust you!
- Remember that "brave or stupid" thing?

I know which one it is.

What is that?

It looks like it was built by...

Ferb?

Cool face paint!

[R -D beeping]

- Oh, no!
- What?

The disc is gone! The one with the

thing for blowing up the Death Star.

- Are you kidding me?
- It's supposed to be right here!

- This is not happening.
- Is it over there on the floor somewhere?

- Is it on the floor?
- Oh, no. No, no. We are so dead.

Maybe it... Maybe it fell
out on the flight deck.

Okay, okay, hey, I know.
We'll blame Jar Jar.

Jar Jar Binks...
That's a terrible idea!

He retired, like, years ago.

Hey, it's not like we
have a lot of options here.

Okay, here, let's do this.

You go get a thermal detonator,

and we'll put it right
back here on the...

No! How is that better
than my Jar Jar idea?

Yo, tech support!
Got something for ya.

- Oh, my gosh! Thank you!
- Yes, thank you. You saved our lives.

[chuckles] Wow, that
was a close one, huh?

[chuckles] Hey, where do
you think she found it?

Hey, man, never look a gift
tauntaun in the oral cavity.

[beeping]

Hey! Wait, wait, wait!
I can't see!


[grunting]

All right, someone's
getting a lightsabering now.

Oh, it's just a flashlight.

I guess my lightsaber's
in the camping supplies.

Ooh!
Ooh, look, I'm scary.

[scoffs] Whatever. Bye!
[flashlight clatters]

So, is there a face-painting
booth around here or something?

And where's Perry? Were
you able to find him?

I found this.
The Sith-inator.

And I've modified it so I can
create an army of Sith warriors.

Join me on the dark side, brother.

[sputters]
[laughing]

Shut up, Ferb!
Come on, let's get outta here.

Isabella already left.
We gotta find a ship so we can get home.

The dark side is my home now.

Whoa, Ferb!
What are you doing?

[crackling]

Come on, quit messing around.

Hey, this isn't funny.
I'm not gonna fight you.

If you will not join me...
[beeps]

...then I must destroy you.

Okay, I can see you're serious.

[grunts]

Ferb, this isn't you!
We're brothers!

[grunting]

Hey, this is crazy.
We would never try to hurt each other.

[quietly gasps]

[both grunting]

Is that the best you got?

Oh, we're allowing modifications, huh?
Give me a sec.

Hey, Candace, what's up?

Um, I was just thinking,
we're the good guys, right?

Yes, I believe so.

That's what they told us
during the brainwashing.

- Orientation, Buford.
- Potato, tomato.

And Rebels are bad. We know that.

Of course!
The Rebels are always the bad guys.

- What about Robin Hhood?
- That has not happened yet!

Well, what if one of the Rebels
just saved my life.

He could've escaped, but
instead he came back to help me.

Both: Hmm.

And didn't we just blow up a planet?

Hmm. Yes, that is sort of
difficult to justify, morally.

[grunts]

[laughing]

You're over there and I'm over here,

And never the twain shall meet.

So I guess you're just
gonna have to give up.


Oh, I see, you're gonna swing
across like a monkey-man.

[imitates monkey]

Me swingy-swingy
monkey-man!

Go ahead, knock yourself out.

There's no way you got
enough cable to reach that.

[clanks]

Oh, I see what you were
trying to... [yelps]

[screaming]

[grunting]

Ow! No, no, no!

Well, well, well. Han Solo.

Woman: [over PA] All flight
crews man your stations.


Hey, look, it's Isabella!

- Isabella, you've joined the Rebellion?
- Not by a long sh*t.

Well, you should. You're a great pilot.

We need you. The odds
are stacked against us.

The Empire has everything,

A Death Star, highly
trained troops, Darth Vader.

And we're just a ragtag bunch
of undertrained, good-intentioned

Rebels. And to be perfectly
honest, Isabella, we're kids.

We are actual children,
and they're letting us fly fighters.

That's how hopeless this
situation actually is.

- So, you wanna help us?
- Strangely, still no.

Porkins: Worst rallying speech ever!

Shut up, Porkins!

I'll have one of those.

What happened, Solo, garbage
scow tip over and dump you here?

What are you doing here, Isabella?

- Did someone run out of cupcakes?
- Very funny.

- So where are you heading?
- As far away from here as possible.

Yeah, I don't have any
reason to stay here either.

I don't owe anything to anybody.

- I'm not in this to make friends.
- Yeah, obviously.

What do you mean by that?

I've got friends. I've
got plenty of friends.

Yeah? Where are they now?

Well, where are yours?

[speaks Wookiee]

Put a sock in it, fuzz-ball!

[whimpers]
[speaks Wookiee]

[sighs]

Maybe you're right.
Maybe I do have some place to be.

See you around, Isabella.

[sighs]

Ah, the Wookiee is right.

[lightsabers crackling]

[both grunting]

[distant crashing]

[distant screaming]

Ow.

It's good to be back.

Ha! You're too late!
No stopping me now!

Hey, it's cold in here!

I've got such an ice cream headache.

[both grunting]

[groaning]

[straining]

[gasps]

Now, you will join me.

[groans]

Step away from the Rebel!

Don't sh**t him!
He's my brother!

- Your brother's a Sith warrior?
- No. I mean, yes.

I mean, it's a recent development.

Wait, why are you
helping me? I'm a Rebel.

I had to. I couldn't
just leave you hanging.

Hey, heads up!
[screaming]


Hey, watch it!

Hold it right there, pal!

[screams]

[whimpers]

[grunts]

Hey, you're gonna
stretch out the elastic!

Ferb! Please, stop!

Now I really wish I'd
bought the three-pack.

[crackles]
[grunts]

[alarm blaring]

Oh, man, I really should
have ray-shielded that.

[groaning] Ferb?

[Ferb groaning]

Are you okay?

Ferb!

[roaring]

Found this perfectly good
robe just lying around.

Has one hole, right here.

Hey! Look what else I
just found! My hoagie!

I would not eat that if I were you.

Come on. Let's get off
this battle station!

- But we don't have a ship!
- I know where there's a bus pod.

Perry, great work!
Hey, don't be a stranger!

You think maybe you can
turn this thing over?


All the blood's rushing to my head.

Hey, it's Luke!
They must've got the plans!

He should hit that
exhaust port no problem.


I mean, it's practically
as big as a womp rat.

Yeah, we should probably get outta here.

Come on, the bus pod
is right through here.

Candace: Wait, wait!
No, no, no! [all shouting]

Baljeet: Oh, no!
That was the last ship.

- Yeah, we're toast.
- Well, if we had to go out,

at least it was for
something we believe in.

My only regret is that I spent
so much time on the wrong side.

My only regret is
that I ate that hoagie.

I guess if I have a regret,

it's that I never got
reunited with my sister.

She left Tatooine
when I was just a baby.

- Phineas?
- Candace?

- Oh, I can't believe it!
- Candace!

You got so big!
I didn't even recognize you.

Hey, wait a minute! Why
is this guy hugging us?

Oh, this is Ferb.
He's our step-brother.

Mom remarried?
What happened to dad?

[laughs]
Funny story actually. He...

Wow, that was close.

Thanks for coming back
to get us, Isabella.

Well, that's what friends are for.

Oh, but what about all
those innocent baristas

and bank tellers and
bowling alley attendants?

They're fine. The firestar
girls got them out earlier.

[jazz music playing]
All: We're okay!


Ah, Agent P!
With you stopping Darthenshmirtz


and the Rebellion
destroying the Death Star,


this day will be long
remembered. Apparently, there are


still copies of the Death
Star plans out there somewhere,


so still might have a teeny
problem there, but, heh,


we'll blow up that battle
station when we come to it.


Hologram out!

Ha-ha!
So long, Perry the platypus!

Now I can live to fight in the sequel!

[Darthenshmirtz laughs]

[Darthenshmirtz grunts]

I probably should've thought
this one through better.

I didn't realize the escape pod
would be platypus-size, but...

plus, I'm sitting on
my keys. [keys jangling]

[all cheering]

[growling]

The Wookiee is right.

[upbeat music playing]
Let's party!

[all cheering]

All right, boys, let me
hear some of that Rebel bass.

♪ We don't often have a
cause for a celebration ♪


♪ no, we don't always
have a reason to smile ♪


♪ we've been knocked over,
stepped on, straight-up oppressed ♪


♪ our resolve and endurance
have been put to the test ♪


♪ we've been under thumb,
undervalued and under arrest ♪


♪ and we haven't seen
the sun for a while ♪


♪ but the tables have turned,
the momentum has shifted ♪


♪ can't you feel the change in the air? ♪

♪ a new hope has returned ♪

♪ our spirits are lifted ♪

♪ go tell everybody everywhere ♪

♪ time to celebrate! ♪

Chorus: # Oh, oh!
Oh, oh! #


♪ Rebel, please, I
think you ought to know ♪


Chorus: # Oh, oh!
Oh, oh! #


♪ if you've been waiting
for a chance to party then ♪


♪ Rebel, let's go! ♪

Chorus: # Rebel, let's go! #

♪ Rebel, let's go! ♪

All: # Rebel, let's go! #

♪ all the Wookiees in
the house go... [growls] ♪


[growling]

Hey, farm boy.
We're not related, are we?

Oh, no, no. Not a chance.

- I only had just the one sister.
- Good.

Mwah!

♪ tell everyone we're back in full force ♪

♪ time to celebrate! ♪

Chorus: # Oh, oh! Oh, oh! #

♪ Rebel, please, I
think you ought to know ♪


Chorus: # Oh, oh! Oh, oh! #

♪ if you've been waiting
for a chance to party then ♪


♪ Rebel, let's go! ♪

All: # Rebel, let's go! #

♪ time to celebrate
and wreck the Status-Quo ♪


Chorus: # Oh, oh! Oh, oh! #

♪ if you've been waiting
for a chance to party then ♪


♪ Rebel, let's go! ♪

All: # Rebel, let's go! #

♪ Rebel, let's go! ♪

All: # Rebel, let's go! #

♪ Rebel, let's go! ♪

All: # Rebel, let's go! #

♪ Rebel, let's go! ♪

All: # Rebel, let's go! #

♪ Rebel, let's go! ♪

Hey, look, everyone, I'm okay.

[grunts]

Isabella: Way to ruin
the moment, Porkins.
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