01x42 - Late Night Wars

[bunniefuu]

Grrr!

Come on, these decorations
aren't gonna hang themselves.

Oh, aren't they?

They still didn't hang themselves.
Your machine did it.

Not cool, Tails.

Take those things down.
You're gonna attract bugs.

And aliens. And kumquats.
And list jokes.

Come on, guys, lay off him.

Way to ruin New Year's, dude.

Is that the holiday
where a giant rabbit

breaks into your house
and hides painted eggs?

Knuckles,
forget about your crazy holidays

and help get this ball
on top of that pole.

When it drops to the bottom,

then it's exactly midnight
and the start of the new year.

Don't trust her, Knuckles.
I told you about the kumquats.

[gasps and grunts]

You really "dropped the ball".

[laughs]

Not cool?

-[bouncing]
-Huh?

[laughs crazily]

OK, Ball-bots, let's roll.

Ugh! Huh?

Ugh!

-Urrgh!
-Agh!

Oh, what's the use?

The decorations look great,
Tails.

And this'll make
a great New Year's Eve ball.

Great... here it is,
New Year's Eve

and I haven't fulfilled
my resolution from last year.

Was that the one to become
a more benevolent master?

I'll show you benevolent,
you bag of bolts.

Clearly one of us doesn't know
what benevolent means.

Two of us!

All I wanted was to have
one decisive victory over Sonic.

Just one. I'm so miserable,
I barely enjoyed smacking you.

It's sad when we no longer
enjoy our hobbies.

Well, don't you worry, sir.

I've dreamed up
a New Year's Eve party

that'll really put the spring
back in your step.

If you pull out
a checkers board,

I'll sell you for scrap metal.

[upbeat music]

[all laughing]

Why are you dressed like that?

Isn't New Year's the holiday
where you put on a costume

and prank strangers
who don't give you candy?

That's not a holiday.
It's extortion.

I'm hearing a lot of words but
I'm not seeing any candy, lady.

Soar the Eagle reporting live
from Village Centre,

where the New Year's festivities
are in full swing.

People have come
from far and wide...

men, women, children,
celebrities, politicians,

some nut in a hot dog suit.

I think he's talking about me.

It would be hard to find anyone
who's not having a great time.

I could jump you there.
Or there.

But then you could jump me
there. Or even there.

But... ooh... I can
double-jump you there and...

Grrr! This is the worst
New Year's party ever.

Well, it is now.

Let's not forget
dear old Orbot's

famous mouth-watering
slow-cooked New Year's roast.

It, too, is just
a sad yet succulent reminder

of how quickly
everything else in life moves.

A slow-cooker is truly

one of life's most poetic
small kitchen appliances.

If only everything moved
at the same pace

as the marinating juices
of my roast.

Then I'd have another chance
to fulfil my New Year's resolution.

If I can just harness
the technology of this slow cooker,

I can create
a slow-motion machine.

-And what would that do?
-Slow everything down.

Giving me more time before
the end of the year to defeat Sonic.

There it is...

the power source that makes
a slow cooker cook slowly.

And I thought
it was a mixture of patience,

low heat
and collected condensation.

Nope. Glowing energy ball.

Welcome back to Comedy Chimp's
New Year's Adequate Eve,

sponsored by Meh Burger,

home of the new
ten-alarm super atomic chilli.

Ten-alarm?
This thing's barely ketchup.

I mean, I'm sure
it'll kick in eventually.

Let's see who's out celebrating.

-How about you, sir? Excited?
-You bet!

I hope the obese man watching me
sleep doesn't think I'm naughty,

or he might not sneak into
my house and leave presents.

Right. Oh, there's the Mayor.

Mr Mayor, a word?

Uh, look, the allegations
that I used the town's money

to buy myself a vacation island
are totally untrue.

I was gonna ask you to say a few
words before the countdown.

Oh, well, in that case

I just want to wish everyone
a very happy New Year.

You're all welcome to visit me
on my private vacation island.

I mean, if I ever get one,
of course.

No more questions.

[music and laughter]

We're gonna slow this next one
down... for the ladies.

Huh?

-[panting]
-Sonic, my little friend.

And by friend I mean enemy.

Happy New Year!

By happy I mean awful and by New
Year I mean not yet New Year.

-What's going on here, Egghead?
-Isn't it obvious?

My slow-motion machine
has slowed everything down.

Slow, of course, for you
is just normal speed.

-What about you?
-If you'd paid attention

in evil scientist school

to get your father's approval,
you'd know that...

Oh, can't we just skip ahead
to the part where I destroy you?

Let's go with a classic.
Laser beam!

[yawns]

Nice try, Egghead.
Your father would be proud.

Robots, att*ck!

[distant buzzing]

They'll be here in a minute,
just hang on.

I can't wait around all day
for your slow-bots.

All right. Need a new plan.

Here's an idea.

I destroy your slow-motion
machine and we call it a day?

Brilliant plan, Sonic!

Oh, wait, forgot to mention,

if you do that,
everyone and everything

will be stuck in slow motion
forever.

-[groans]
-Let's settle this

with one final test of our abilities.

Just you and me. One on one.
Mano a mano. Peaches and cream.

If you win, maybe, just maybe,

I'll switch my machine off

and return the world
to its normal speed.

Did you just say
"peaches and cream"?

Quit stalling!

[slow humming]

-Bam! Game over!
-Grrr!

That would have been more
dramatic at normal speed.

Eggman, I won fair and square.
Shut off your machine.

Give me one more sh*t.

Woooargh! Ugh!

Ha-ha!

Oof!

[yawns]

Ha-ha-ha!

Bingo! Gin! Checkmate!

I can't believe
it's come down to this.

Man, I hate checkers. Ugh!

Grrr! Ugh! Grrr!

[slowly] Ten...

Grrr! All I wanted was a chance
to b*at you at one thing.

Just once
before the end of the year.

Is that too much
for a villain to ask?

You did all this just to notch
some kind of victory over me?

Maybe.

I guess I have been
pretty dominant this year.

You guess? You guess?

I made a New Year's resolution
to b*at you one time this year.

And here I am,
ten seconds before midnight,

and I can't even win
a simple game of checkers.

[slowly] Nine...

Tell you what. You've got
a couple of seconds left.

In the spirit of the New Year,
I challenge you to a dance-off.

A dance-off? What,
are you making fun of me?

Not cool, Sonic.

[slowly] Eight...

I'm serious. The end of the year
is a time for having crazy fun.

What's more fun
than a dance-off?

[slowly] Seven...

-So, we gonna dance or what?
-Check this!

[beeping]

[electronic dance music]

-What?
-[slowly] Six...

All right, all right. My turn.

[electronic dance music]

[slowly] Five...

Here goes nothing.

Aaargh!

-Oh.
-[slowly] Four...

Looks like you won, Egghead.

I won! I b*at Sonic!

Ha-ha-ha!
Hey, everybody!

-Oh, right.
-[beeping]

Three, two, one!

[all] Happy New Year!

Ha-ha-ho-ho!

Hey, everybody. I b*at Sonic.

Kneel before me.

-What are you talking about?
-It was a dance-off and I won.

Didn't you see?
It was right here.

Technically it happened
in the blink of an eye.

-Nobody saw anything.
-What? But... but... Ohh!

Well... nobody but me.

Happy New Year, Eggman.

Happy New Year,
you blue son of a g*n.

Hey, guys. I just saw my shadow.

Six more weeks of winter!

[both laugh]