03x19 - Just Say Yo

[bunniefuu]

[instrumental music]

Master Carlton, I have to take
this tray up to your mother

so on your way out would you
mind taking out the garbage?

Do I look like Roc?

I don't know, Carlton, maybe if
you shaved your head bald

and sanded down the square part.

Ashley,
you take out the garbage.

- Why me?
- Because I'm bigger than you.

See, that's not fair.
That's only 'cause you got them

shoe lifts in today.

They're not lifts.

I doubled up on my Odor-Eaters.

Here, Hilary, you take it out.

- Out where?
- To the trash cans.

You know, those things you hit
every time you back out the car.

Thank God. I thought it was
the neighbor's kids.

Oh! This is gross. I don't touch
greasy, disgusting things.

Well, just pretend it's buying
you dinner afterwards.

- You take it.
- Yo, girl!

And for your information,
dinner comes first.

Oh, it's like that, right?

You're just gonna slam garbage
at me.

- Good morning, Will.
- Uh, good morning, Uncle Phil.

- Here's your lunch.
- Thank you.

[theme song]

♪ Now this is a story ♪

♪ All about how my life got
flipped turned upside down ♪

♪ And I'd like to take a minute
just sit right there ♪

♪ I'll tell you
how I became the prince ♪

♪ Of a town called Bel-Air ♪

♪ In West Philadelphia
born and raised ♪

♪ On the playground was where
I spent most of my days ♪

♪ Chillin' out maxin'
relaxin' all cool ♪

♪ And all sh**t' some B-ball
outside of the school ♪

♪ When a couple of guys
who were up to no good ♪

♪ Started making trouble
in my neighborhood ♪

♪ I got in one little fight
and my mom got scared and said ♪

♪ You're movin' with your auntie
and uncle in Bel-Air ♪

♪ I whistled for a cab
and when it came near ♪

♪ The license plate said fresh
and it had dice in the mirror ♪

♪ If anything I could say that
this cab was rare ♪

♪ But I thought nah forget it
yo homes to Bel-Air ♪

♪ I pulled up to the house about
seven or eight ♪

♪ And I yelled to the cabbie
yo homes smell ya later ♪

♪ I looked at my kingdom
I was finally there ♪

♪ To sit on my throne
as the prince of Bel-Air ♪♪

[music continues]

Good morning, Geoffrey.
Isn't it a glorious day?

Actually, sir, I have an
impacted wisdom tooth

my hair is falling out

and I have a bunion
the size of my fist.

Oh, no.
We're out of Mrs. Butterworth's.

Thanks for the talk, big guy.

- Hey, good morning, Uncle Phil.
- Good morning, Will.

- What up, G?
- Morning, Master William.

- This mine? Thank you.
- Yes.

Thank you. Oh, man.

Hey, hey, hey. Will,
why don't you sit down and eat?

Sorry, but, Uncle Phil,
I ain't got no time.

Oh, man.

Hey, look,
any chance of you letting me

balance this book on your head?

Hey, you know I was gonna put
the waffles up there

but that's just a little too
close to your mouth

you know what I mean?

Will, sit down. You're giving me
motion sickness.

Sorry about that, Uncle
Phil.

Man, it's like
there's so much to do.

I mean, between my school work
and Cindy

and, you know,
my job and Cindy..

And, you know,
basketball and Cindy..

Wow, you think
I'm neglecting Cindy?

Maybe you should take
a little time off from work.

You're gonna wear yourself out.

Thank you, sir.

It's nice to know that all my
labors haven't gone unnoticed.

I was talking to Will.

And I, apparently,
was talking to myself.

Hey, Will, how about it?

You sure there's nobody
down there

who can cover
for you at the restaurant?

No, I wish there was,
Uncle Phil.

I got to make some extra money
for the prom.

I mean, 'cause I wouldn't feel
like a gentleman

if I made Cindy
pay for my half too.

- Look at my face!
- Oh, please, man, we eatin'.

Will.

This is serious.

The prom's only three days away,
and I got a pimple.

Carlton, we're eating.

I need some vitamin E.

Well, I should have seen it
coming. It never fails.

Every time I have a big date
I get a big pimple.

Well, judging by the size of
that thing

you must be going out
with Nell Carter.

[instrumental music]

Hi, Will.

Ooh, Cindy.

Cindy. Cindy.

Hmm! Girl, anybody ever told you
that you got the, um..

[yawns]

Thanks, I'll try not to let
it
go to my head.

Look, sorry..
Sorry, sorry about that baby.

All this running around is kind
of catching up to me.

Well, you make sure you save
some energy for the prom.

Oh, don't you even worry about
me, girl. I'mma be alright.

I'm planning on staying up all
night, you know..

'Cause "All I want to do
is zoom-a-zoom-zoom-zoom."

- What up, J?
- Hey, Will.

You wanna carpool
to work again after
practice?

Yeah, that's cool, man.

You know, we're counting on you
for the big game this weekend.

Hey, man, don't you even worry
about me. I'mma be there.

"Ooh, Smith dribbles. He stops.

"He pops. He scores.
The crowd goes wild!

Aah!"

[yawns]

Ugh! Man, I'm b*at.

- You could do what I do.
- Uh, no, that's alright.

I don't think listening to
Bruce Springsteen

got the same effect
on black people.

Hm.

My breath ain't stinking, so I'm
guessing them ain't Tic Tacs.

These will help you stay awake.

You've done speed before, right?

No, I didn't,
and I didn't think

you was living like that either.

I'm into whatever gets
the job done.

To me,
it's just freeze-dried coffee..

...just in case.

Just in case.

Hey, guys.

Later, Will.

Ooh. Big date this weekend?

[instrumental music]

I just want to thank

Bill and Hillary Clinton

for inviting me to the
inauguration.

- Will, wake up.
- Yo, man, go away.

Will, this is the senior prom

also known as
guaranteed action night.

Rack 'em up.

[clears throat]

Here you are, Master William,
maybe this'll help.

It's an old remedy passed down
in my family

from generation to generation.

- G, it's coffee.
- No, it's Folgers Crystals.

Will, pardon my tough love

but this burning the candle at
both end is dumb, dumb, dumb.

[sighs]
I know, Carlton.

I just wish there was something
else I could do.

It's like there ain't enough
hours in the day.

Hey, Carlton,
did you ever think about taking

you know, dr*gs?

[chuckles]
Will, you don't have to
b*at around the bush.

I know exactly what you're
getting at.

You do?

You see the volcano-sized pimple
about to erupt on my forehead

and you don't think vitamin
E
is strong enough.

No, man.
I mean, well, yeah, but..

I mean, the-the kind of dr*gs
that, that help you stay up.

Up?

You don't mean..

Oh!

This sex thing is even more
complicated than I thought.

You know what?
Never mind, man.

You know, Will, if it turns out
tonight is the big night

I'm just glad
I'll be sharing it with someone

who cares about me so
deeply.

Yo, man, I'm just sharing a limo
with you.

I'm talking about my date.

She worships the ground
I walk on.

Oh, no, man, she's just looking
for loose change.

Miss Cindy and Miss Vanessa.

Wow.

- You look great.
- Thank you, Carlton, so do you.

[imitating siren wailing]

Somebody call a cop
'cause it got to be illegal

to look that good.

Oh, Will.

You look pretty terrific
yourself.

Oh, girl, don't hate me
'cause I'm beautiful.

Oh! You kids look great.
Come on, let me get a picture.

Oh, mom!

I know I'm treating you like
a baby.

No,
sh**t me from the other side.

I've got a situation
on my forehead.

Okay, smile.

[Vivian laughs]

Now, now,
I know this is prom night

but I still think
we should set a curfew.

Oh, come on, Uncle Phil,
don't you even worry about it.

- Come on, we'll be home early.
- Hm. Okay.

Early tomorrow morning.

Hey, stop.
Come on, one more picture.

Hey, yo, I'm telling you,
this is gonna be the most

exciting night of our lives.

Will.

Will.

Will, wake up.

Vanessa keeps staring at my
pimples. What should I do?

Stare at hers.

Come on, Will,
you gotta help me.

This could be the biggest night
of my life.

Yeah, to go along with the
biggest zit of your life.

The least you can do
is give me some vitamin E.

Carlton, vitamin E
is not going to help, man.

A sandblaster is not going to
help, man.

Come on, Will,
don't hold out on me.

- You have any or not?
- Look, I-I don't know.

Look, check my locker, man.

Oh, look, and if there ain't
nothin' in there

you can just pull your big ol'
bottom lip up over your head.

Will.

- Will.
- Ooh! Hey, girl, what's up?

You've been sleeping all night.

When are you gonna ask me
to dance?

No, baby, we gonna get down.

I'm just waiting for the DJ
to throw on something I like.

How about "I'm going home?"

Now that's the jam.
Tell me when he put that on.

(all)
'Go, Carlton.
Go, Carlton.'

'Go, Carlton. Go, Carlton.'

'Go, Carlton. Go, Carlton.'

'Go, Carlton. Go, Carlton.'

'Go, Carlton. Go, Carlton.'

'Go, Carlton. Go, Carlton.'

Go, Carlton.
Go, Carlton. Go, Carlton.

Go, Carlton. Go, Carlton.

Go, Carlton. Go, Carlton.

Go, Carlton. Go, Carlton.

Go, Carlton. Go, Carlton.

Go, Carlton.

(all)
'Whoo!'

[girls screaming]

[screams]

[girls screaming]

[screams]

Ah! Oh, Carlton,
you were something else.

Carlton, you were somebody else.
Man, you alright?

I feel great. Even though
I was feeling insecure
before

but then I realized
it doesn't matter

anyway 'cause
beauty's only skin deep.

It's what's inside that counts.
Vanessa, you drive me wild.

I hope this night never ends.

Is it just me or are my lips
moving really, really fast?

You wanna dance? Come on.

[music continues]

Your cousin's pretty wild.

I guess he's got that kind of
natural speed thing going.

[scoffs]
Yeah, you can say that
again.

Hey, you want me to hook you up
with some more of those pills?

I'll get you a good price.

[upbeat music]

Oh, my God.

Hey, Carlton. Carlton. Carlton!

Carlton. Carlton, listen.

Something terrible
has happened, man.

Come on,
I gotta get you to the hospital.

Why? This is the greatest night
of my..

- Carlton!
- Car-Carlton! Carlton!

Yo, Carlton, man.

[instrumental music]

God,
if you let Carlton be okay

I swear I'll never make fun
of him again.

I'll go to church every Sunday.

I'll even give up women.

Will, is that you?

You know I was just kidding
about that woman part, right?

Where am I?

Last thing I remember,
I was doing the running man

to "I Will Always Love You."

Carlton,
you're-you're at a hospital.

Wow! I feel terrible.

I never thought losing my
virginity would be this painful.

Um..

C-Carlton, I got some bad news.

- Oh, God, I malfunctioned.
- 'No. No.'

See, y-you never made it
past the dance floor.

Um, those pills that you took
weren't vitamins.

Wh-what were they?

Look, you gotta promise
you're not gonna overreact.

What could be worse than finding
out I'm still a virgin?

- It was speed.
- Oh, my God!

I'm a drug addict and a virgin!

- Shh!
- Oh!

No! S-s-shut up! Shut up!
Shut up! Shut up!

Shut up! Now be quiet.

[Carlton grunts]

Comfy?

Well, Mr. Banks..

You gave us quite a scare.

- How're you feeling now?
- Terrible. I wanna go home.

Your parents are on the way

but we will have to
keep you here

in the Chemical Dependency
Unit overnight.

Excuse me?

Oh, I'm sorry,
but that's standard procedure

with all our substance-abuse
patients.

Oh! Excuse me, Ms., um,
Irene,
that's such a pretty name.

Listen, um..

I don't think you
understand.

See, Carlton is not addicted
to dr*gs.

I mean, Carlton hates dr*gs.

We still have to mix his aspirin
in with applesauce.

Well, that may be

but that certainly wasn't
applesauce

we pumped out of his stomach.

Well, can't we at least move me
to another part of the hospital?

I mean, I've got a reputation
to worry about.

What if I want to run for
political office?

Well, now,
I'll tell you the same thing

I told the last person
that asked me that question

just say you didn't inhale.

Listen, listen, um, somehow
we're missing each other.

I mean,
does he look like a drug addict?

Do I?

Can we stick to the subject,
please?

Listen, sweetie, the first time
I came into this hospital

it was on a stretcher.

Hell,
I've been from Yale to jail

and from Park Avenue
to park bench

but now I'm clean and sober.

That's really touching..

...but do you think you can get
me a nurse without a record?

[chuckles]

I like him.

Try and help him to stick
around.

Honey, are you okay?

- I think so.
- Oh, thank God.

Now, what the hell are you doing
with 2000 milligrams

of amphetamines in your stomach?

It was an accident. I
thought
they were vitamin E tablets.

I got them from..

...one of the other kids'
lockers at school.

Carlton, you cannot take
unidentified pills.

It's just plain stupid.

If Will hadn't gotten you
to the hospital..

Hey, look, Uncle Phil, um,
I'm gonna go let Ashley

and Hilary and Geoffrey
know that he's alright.

No, Will,
I just want to thank you.

You showed quick thinking
and sound judgment.

Carlton,
you could learn from Will.

(Will)
'Uncle Phil, please.'

No, no, no.

Now it's not often that I
get
a chance to compliment you.

As a matter of fact, I think
this is the one and only
time.

Anyway, look,
I just want you to know

how grateful your aunt
and I are.

You know,
if it weren't for you, Will

I don't know where Carlton would
be right now.

Carlton, honey, don't you have
something to say to Will?

Like what?

Like, "I'm sorry for ruining
your prom"

and "Thank you
for saving my life?"

[laughs]

No, no. That's alright.

No, really. Bye.

I'm sorry, folks

but this patient of ours
has to get his rest.

Well, we're not gonna leave our
baby alone.

We're gonna be spending
the night.

We are?
Oh, I mean, we are, yes.

Ah, could you get us some clean
linen for that bed?

Honey, I don't think we can both
fit in that bed.

Right, oh, and a chair
for my wife.

[instrumental music]

- Oh, I'm so glad you're okay.
- Me, too.

- Welcome home, Master Carlton.
- Thanks, I feel a lot better.

Yeah, thanks to Will.
He really saved the day.

Well, I'm gonna go take a
nap.

I didn't get much sleep last
night with all that kicking.

I'm sorry, sweetheart.

(Will)
'Hey, um..'

Hey, look. Y'all mind if I talk
to Carlton for a second?

Carlton, I'm sorry
you had such a rough night.

Hey, but at least your face
cleared up.

[chuckles]

Almost.

Hey, um, thanks a lot
for covering for me, man.

But why did you do it?

I don't know.
I think I was still high.

Will, how long have you been
taking dr*gs?

Come on, man,
I ain't taking no dr*gs.

Alright, look,
I thought about it, but..

Look,
you wouldn't understand,
man.

Will, you're not the only one

who's ever thought about
taking dr*gs.

- You're kidding.
- Hey, I've got a wild side.

I don't always wear shower shoes
at the gym.

I can't even believe
you thought about it.

Yeah, but after last night
I'll never think about it again.

Yeah, and when Uncle Phil finds
out you'll never see me again.

Look, Will..

...he's not gonna find out.

Let's just put this
all behind us.

Hey, Carlton,
look, I'm sorry, man.

I mean, you're my homie
and I almost took you out.

I love you, man.
I never meant to hurt you.

I know.

I'm sorry, man.

- Will?
- Yo?

You haven't showered yet today,
have you?

Hey, Uncle Phil.

Hey, Will,
how's my favorite nephew?

You-you talking to me?

You know,
I have something for you.

I was gonna save it
for graduation

but after what you did,
I think I'll give it to you now.

Yo,
season tickets to the Clippers.

That's right, courtside.

[laughs]

I can't take this, Uncle
Phil.

Um..

There's something
I need to tell you.

What is it?

Those pills that Carlton
took,
um, they were from my locker.

What?

Look, Uncle Phil,
I was just keeping them

in case I needed them.

How could you be so stupid?

You know you shouldn't be
messing with dr*gs.

Look, I know, Uncle Phil.

I mean, somebody gave 'em
to me at school.

I mean, I didn't mean
for Carlton to take 'em.

I-I didn't even know
if I was going to take 'em.

- I'm sorry, Uncle Phil.
- Sorry?

My son could have d*ed
because of you.

Look, I know, Uncle Phil, that's
all I've been thinking about.

I mean, look, you gotta believe
me. I didn't mean to hurt him.

Yeah, well, you did.

You hurt him, and you could have
hurt yourself.

I know, Uncle Phil, I mean..

But, look, I had basketball
practice and-and school

and I had work and
everything.

Oh, well, welcome to the real
world, Will.

That's not an excuse.
There's never an excuse.

You owe this family an apology.

Vivian! Kids!

What's going on?

Will has something to tell you.

Come on, Uncle Phil,
don't make me--

Go ahead, Will.

Um..

The pills that-that
Carlton took..

...they were from my locker.

What?

I'm sorry, Aunt Viv.

I mean,
I, I had basketball practice

and I had finals,
and everything..

And...one of the guys at school

just offered me some stuff
to help me stay awake.

And then Carlton..

Look, all I know

is that somebody
real close to me

that I love a whole lot

could be dead right now

'and it would be all my fault.'

I'm sorry, man.

I'm sorry.

[crying]

Come here. Come here.

- I'm sorry again.
- Shh-shh-shh. It's okay.

Come on.

[sniffles]

[imitating siren wailing]

Somebody call a cop
'cause it has got to be..

[imitating siren wailing]

Somebody call a cop
'cause this has..

You'll get it.

(male #1)
Welcome to the, Will Fresh
Prince Ever Say His Line

contest.