03x24 - Six Degrees of Graduation

[bunniefuu]

Daddy, can we take Nicky
with us to graduation?

No, I don't think so,
sweetheart.

But maybe Geoffrey
can baby-sit for him.

Of course, sir.

And, no, I wouldn't mind
missing the ceremony.

Why should I be invited to such
an illustrious event

after a mere 15 years

of wiping, picking
and sucking up after you
all?

Geoffrey, we would love for you
to come to graduation with us.

I'll have to check my book.

Geoffrey, you're coming.

But you know, your mother's
not feeling well and

I don't feel right leaving Nicky
with a stranger.

- I could take care of him.
- 'Yeah.'

But who's going to
take care of you?

Yeah, come on, Hilary.

Plus, you can't miss
the ceremony

hard as I've worked to graduate.

Man, you know how hard it is
to take a test like this?

Guess what?
I'm the class valedictorian.

What does that mean?

I believe it's Latin for

"Little short midget
with a square head."

[theme song]

♪ Now this is a story ♪

♪ All about how my life
got flipped ♪

♪ Turned upside-down ♪

♪ And I'd like to take a minute
just sit right there ♪

♪ I'll tell you
how I became the prince ♪

♪ Of a town called Bel-Air ♪

♪ In West Philadelphia,
born and raised ♪

♪ On the playground is where
I spent most of my days ♪

♪ Chillin' out, maxin'
relaxing all cool ♪

♪ And all sh**t' some b-ball
outside of the school ♪

♪ When a couple of guys
who were up to no good ♪

♪ Started makin' trouble
in my neighborhood ♪

♪ I got in one little fight
and my mom got scared ♪

♪ And said you're moving
with your auntie ♪

♪ And uncle in Bel-Air ♪

♪ I whistled for a cab
and when it came near ♪

♪ The license plate said fresh
and it had dice in the mirror ♪

♪ If anything I can say
that this cab was rare ♪

♪ But I thought
nah forget it ♪

♪ Yo homes to Bel-Air ♪

♪ I pulled up to a house
about seven or eight ♪

♪ And I yelled
to the cabbie ♪

♪ Yo homes smell you later ♪

♪ I looked at my kingdom
I was finally there ♪

♪ To sit on my throne
as the prince of Bel-Air ♪

Now..

...what was Antonio Vivaldi

trying to tell us
in this concerto?

Come on, baby, I'm saying

"Bing-bang- bluesy,
me and you in the Jacuzzi."

What's up?

Mr. Smith. The concerto?
What was Vivaldi saying?

Well, actually, Mrs. Bassin,
I'm glad you asked me that.

Vivaldi, or "Vival Dee"
as it is pronounced

in some European circles

I believe he was commenting on

man's inhumanity toward man.

That we..

citizens of America, the richest
country on this planet

have a moral obligation that
goes far beyond

buying the newest car

or purchasing the latest
Naughty By Nature CD.

If one child

goes hungry

we must feed it.

If one child shivers

we must shelter it.

And I, for one

believe the brother knew
what he was talking about.

Vivaldi d*ed in 1741

before there was
a United States.

But the dream is alive.

More on Vivaldi tomorrow.

Mr. Smith, may I have a word
with you, please?

- Yes, I was just..
- Mr. Smith.

Mrs. Bassin, I'm sorry,
I was acting silly today.

I'll make it up tomorrow.

Too little too late.

Will, I'm going to
have to fail you.

Whoa, whoa.. The "F" word.
Whoa, why? Why?

You missed half the semester.

What's your point?

Will, you have
10 classes to make up

and only five
before graduation.

Listen, Mrs. Bassin, I'm telling
you, I'll make up the work.

Come on,
I have to graduate.

I'm sorry, but you have
no one to blame but yourself.

Hold..
Listen, Mrs. Bassin

I don't think you
understand.

My mom is flying out
from Philly

to see me graduate.

I mean, the woman
that gave me life.

And if I don't graduate,
she'll take it back.

Listen, I'll make up
the work.

You don't have time.

And besides, there's no way
you could keep up

with my accelerated class.
It's over.

Look, Mrs. Bassin,
Mrs. Bassin, listen, listen.

Come on, come on.
This is me.

I'm sinking. Please give me
another chance. Please?

Come on.

Alright, be here
tomorrow at 5:00.

- Yes--
- But no promises.

Hey, thanks a lot,
Mrs. Bassin.

Wait a minute. Batman comes on
at 5:00. Can we make it at 6:30?

- I'm joking. I'm stupid.
- I know.

So, Janine,
when did you first decide

you wanted to take care
of children?

When I was so instructed by
the Lord of the Eighth Circle.

So, Lindsay,
when did you first decide

you wanted to
take care of children?

I guess, shortly
after my release.

Please! What do you know
about taking care of babies?

Babies? I'm here to
take care of Hilary.

Aah!

Hey, did my mom get here yet?

Geoffrey's picking her up
from the airport.

Will, I've been meaning
to ask you.

What do you want
for graduation?

Would you all stop with
the interrogation, please?

Obviously, some of us
can handle

the pressures of graduation
better than others.

Pressure? Look, man, I'm not
feeling no pressure, okay?

Thank God you're not
giving the speech.

It's an immense responsibility

one I face with great humility.

But do I shirk it? No.

Because somehow deep down I know

anyone else would really bite.

Gosh, Carlton,
you're so confident.

I'd be too nervous
to be valedictorian.

Nervous? Why?

Why? I mean to have all
those
people staring at you.

I mean, people stare at me
all
the time, but I'm pretty.

I guess that spandex shirt don't
got nothing to do with it, huh?

Aren't you afraid
you're going to mess up?

Not a problem.

Well, I'd be worried.

Yeah, every kid hoping
you make a fool of yourself

every parent wondering what
you're doing up at the
podium

and why you're
sweating so much? Eww..

Yo, C, come on, man, you ain't
got to worry about none of that.

But I would worry about slipping
off them stack of phone books

you going to be standing on.

Heck, you guys.

Heck!

You're very, very brave.

We're so proud of you.

Oh, God,
I'm short, I'm sweaty

and I can't grow chest hair.

Oh, my goodness,
is that a bald spot?

Oh, there he is, my graduate!

Hey, ma.

You're my pride
and joy, sweetie.

This means everything to me.

I never thought I'd live to see
this day

but here I am
and there you are.

Now, smile and say,
"Diploma."

Look, mom, mom, this is just
a little graduation.

I think you're making
a little too much of it.

Are you crazy? I've been waiting
18 years for this moment.

Come on, mom, you must have done
something else in all that time.

Nothing more important
than this.

Apparently, you've never
danced the "Achy Breaky."

Will, completing high school
was a great achievement.

You've made me so happy
I could cry.

Yeah, me too.

- Boo!
- Ow!

Will, where have you been?

I haven't seen you
in music class.

Oh, you ain't heard?

Mrs. Bassin brought me up
to her advanced class.

You know, Will,
you are so talented.

Yeah, and I'm pretty good at
music, too, you know?

Don't be silly.

Get on out of here
before I do something.

Will, you made it.

Class, say hello to Will.

He'll be joining us until
the end of the semester.

Great.
Another high school dropout.

Okay, now,
before we start our scales

can anyone tell me what
"Pizzicato" means?

Mr. Smith.

Mr. Smith?
You got all these..

Um..
Sure. Um..

Pizzicato, that's a..

...pizza with avocado.

Get it, I said, it's a pizza..

Michael.

Pizzicato: A term indicating
that strings

should be plucked, not
bowed.

Well, yeah, there ain't
no Santa Claus.

Another slice for you,
Master William?

No thanks, G,
I'm not hungry.

That's funny. Will always has
seconds at home.

G

I am this close to not
graduating, man.

I think my music teacher
has got it out for me.

She's trying to force me
to make up 10 hours.

Come on, it ain't like I got
a future in music or nothing.

Well, I sincerely
hope you graduate.

Thanks a lot, G,
that means a lot to me.

Because if you're left back and
I have to wash your gym socks

for another year
I shall take my own life.

Surprise!

Look, mom, what is this?

Your four-days-before-graduation
gift.

Look, mom,
this has got to stop.

There wouldn't happen to be
no car keys in here, would it?

No.

Then this has got to
stop, mom.

I know, I know, I'm getting
a
little carried away

but I'm just so proud of
you.

Your graduation is very
important to me.

But, mom, it wouldn't be
if you got out more.

I know what's going on here.

- You do?
- Mmm-hmm.

You're trying to downplay
graduation because you don't

want me to feel bad that I never
got a chance to graduate.

Oh, God, my life is over.

I wish I'd never been made
valedictorian.

Oh, Carlton, come on,
you're going to do fine.

Now, when you're up there,
just picture someone

that you really admire watching
you with love and approval.

Go on, try it.

Oh, it's no good.

The only thing I can picture is

someone laughing
and pointing at me.

Carlton, now you
stop that man, that is not

going to happen to you
when you give that speech.

That's gonna happen to you
on your wedding night.

Okay, kids, today we're
going to choose up teams

and play musical jeopardy.

Now, who wants to be
our two captains?

Right here, right here,
right here, Mrs. Bassin.

Nancy and Michael.

Two players left.
Make your choice.

Um..

Come on, man,
you got to pick me.

Alright, stop your whining.

Now for the final question.

The answer is: A clef.

I know! I know! I know!

Um, what is that thing
Michael Jackson

had built into his chin?

Nancy.

What is the character
that indicates the pitch

of a particular line
on a staff?

That's right.
Congratulations.

- Yes!
- Your team wins.

- What are you looking at?
- Not much.

Hey look, man, we can take this
out to the monkey bars.

Any time, any place.

I'm just kidding,
you're the man.

Okay, students, don't forget
to get here early tomorrow

so you can be measured for
your costumes for the recital.

- Recital?
- That's right.

Mrs. Bassin,
my sister, listen

I appreciate everything
you're
trying to do for me, but look

I am not about
the embarrass myself

in front of
a group of strangers.

Mr. Smith, my brother

you're not going to embarrass
yourself

in front of
a group of strangers.

That's what I said.

You'll be performing
for your friends at graduation.

Are you tripping? No way.

Then you won't be able to
graduate, I'm afraid.

Then I'm afraid I'm not going to
be able to sign your yearbook!

Look, look, alright? Now, I know
the two of you are upset

about me not graduating, okay?

But you'll get over it.
You'll have to.

Alright?
'Cause I made up my mind

and nothing either of you can
say is going to change that.

Okay? 'Cause I'm a man.

Alright?
With strong man emotions.

And there is no way
that this man is going to

get up on that stage and
embarrass himself at graduation.

No. No. No.

Good luck, sweetie.
I'm so proud of you.

Mama's boy.

Okay, kids, I'm going to
announce you.

So, take your marks.

Whoa, whoa, whoa,
hey, hey, hey, hey.

Where are you guys going?

Come on, don't you guys
want to go out there and see

Uncle Willie
make a fool out of himself?

What's wrong?

Those are people out there.

Oh.. All this time y'all thought

we was going to be performing
for some Smurfs?

Okay, come on, look, let's just
pretend it's another rehearsal.

Forget it, we're not
ready for the public.

How do you think I feel?

We've got our futures
to think about.

Listen, I don't think
you guys understand.

If we don't get out there,
I'm not going to graduate.

You're breaking my heart.

And you're so cute.

And if you guys
don't let me graduate

then I might have to
mess y'all up.

Show on!

Today for your
listening pleasure

let us welcome
the Little Rays of Sunshine.

That's my Jessie,
the one with the braids.

That's my Will,
the one with the mustache.

♪ You are my sunshine
my only sunshine ♪

♪ You make me happy
when skies are gray ♪

♪ You'll never know dear
how much I love you ♪

♪ Please don't take
my sunshine away ♪

Hey, Mike, can we get
a little James Brown?

[shrieks]

I didn't hear you. I said, "Can
we get a little James Brown?"

[shrieks]

Here we go, y'all..

♪ Ooooh ooooh ♪
♪ Ooooh ooooh ♪

♪ Ooooh ooooh ♪
♪ Ooooh ooooh ♪

♪ Ooooh ooooh ♪
♪ Ooooh ooooh ♪

Now, here we go.

♪ You are my ♪
♪ Sunshine ♪

♪ My only ♪
♪ Sunshine ♪

♪ You make me ♪
♪ Happy ♪

♪ When skies are ♪
♪ Gray ♪

♪ You'll never ♪
♪ Know dear ♪

♪ How much I ♪
♪ Love you ♪

♪ Please don't take
♪ Take ♪

♪ My sun ♪
♪ Shine ♪

♪ Away ♪
♪ Hey hey ♪

♪ Please don't take ♪

♪ My sunshine ♪

♪ Away-y-y-y-y-y-y-y ♪

[audience applauding]

Say, Maestro, can we get
a little walking music?

Posse out!

Ah, ha ha ha ha..

Thanks, Will, you got us
through a tough one.

Oh, okay. I guess that means
you're noticing

how truly fly I am.

Speaking of flies,
yours is open.

Ooh, a tutu fly.

Well, Will..

- Congratulations.
- Thank you.

You can walk with your
classmates. I'm passing you.

- Thanks a lot, Mrs. Bassin.
- You're welcome.

And trust me, I learned a
valuable lesson from this.

What's that?

- I ain't never having no kids.
- Oh..

Good luck.
Come on, kids. Let's go.

Hey, Will,
I caught your act.

Oh, oh, baby, listen,
check it out, I can--

You know, you really
surprised me.

That was the most sensitive,
the most beautiful thing

I've ever seen.

And nothing turns me on
more than sensitivity in a man.

Oh, girl, you don't know
the half of it.

Let me tell you I be
boo-hooing during "Lassie."

Before I came here today,
I was afraid

as I'm sure many of you are.

It seems these days,
there's a lot to be afraid of.

The world can be
a pretty scary place.

'But how can one person
make a difference?'

Well, I'll tell you what
I'm going to do.

I'm going to take
the education I received here

and use it to give back
to those less fortunate.

Your cousin's really deep and
he doesn't even seem nervous.

Oh, oh, yeah, see, check it out.
I gave him a little advice.

I told him just to picture
somebody that he really admires.

And, you know,
he probably picturing me.

Oh..

And in closing..

I'd like to thank
my teachers and my classmates

for four great years.

And my family for their
love and support.

And, my best friend

'someone who stuck beside me'

'and kept me out of trouble'

and maybe got me into
a little bit of it, too.

Congratulations.

Lisa Armstrong.

Adam Baker.

Carlton Banks.

John Simpson.

Will Smith.

Yeah!

Now, when you're up there,
just picture someone

that you really admire watching
you with love and approval.

Go on, try it.

[blows raspberry]

(Will)
'I'm sorry, I couldn't resist.
I'm sorry.'