06x17 - The Butler's Son Did It

[bunniefuu]

Uh-oh. Better watch
yourself, boy.

Ooh. Here I come.
Penny down low to Shaq.

Shaq back out
to Penny for 3.

Boom!

In Clyde's face!

Ten bucks. Now give me
my money, PeeWee.

Come on,
double or nothing.

And this time you're going down.

Can't believe you two
wasting your time like this.

Aren't you a little old
to be playing video games?

Well, this isn't
just a video game, dad.

This is the new
32-bit supersystem

with digitized sound,
vga graphics

and full-motion video.

Yo, and it's
real cool, too.

Those games are just
a waste of time.

This has just arrived for
you,
Master Carlton.

It's from Princeton.

Princeton, open it up.

I can't.

What if it's a rejection?

You've been rejected
your whole life.

You should be used to it
by now. Come on.

Well, here goes nothing.

I'm in!

I'm going to Princeton!

Yes! Yes!

It finally happened!

Somebody pinch me!

Ow!

Oh, congratulations, son.
This is wonderful.

You've been waiting for this
for so long.

Hey, let's go out and celebrate.
Huh?

- Yeah.
- Come on.

Oh, I gotta get my jacket.

- I'll be right along with you.
- Alright.

Okay. Yeah.

Okay.

Hi-yah! Banks is down the court.
There he goes.

Blinding speed.

Goes up for the lay-up.

Ha, ha..

Well, uh, uh, you see

you two left the TV on,
and, and..

and well, I, you know..

You want a piece of me?

[theme music]

♪ Now this is a story
all about how ♪

♪ My life got flipped
turned upside-down ♪

♪ And I'd like to take a minute
just sit right there ♪

♪ I'll tell you
how I became the prince ♪

♪ Of a town called Bel-Air ♪

♪ In West Philadelphia
born and raised ♪

♪ On the playground is where
I spent most of my days ♪

♪ Chillin' out maxin'
relaxing all cool ♪

♪ And all sh**t'
some b-ball ♪

♪ Outside of the school ♪

♪ When a couple of guys ♪

♪ Who were up to no good ♪

♪ Started makin' trouble
in my neighborhood ♪

♪ I got in one little fight ♪

♪ And my mom got scared ♪

♪ And said you're moving
with your auntie ♪

♪ And uncle in Bel-Air ♪

♪ I whistled for a cab
and when it came near ♪

♪ The license plate
said fresh ♪

♪ And it had dice
in the mirror ♪

♪ If anything I can say ♪

♪ That this cab was rare ♪

♪ But I thought nah forget it ♪

♪ Yo homes to Bel-Air ♪

♪ I pulled up to a house
about seven or eight ♪

♪ And I yelled to the cabby ♪

♪ Yo homes smell you later ♪

♪ I looked at my kingdom
I was finally there ♪

♪ To sit on my throne
as the prince of Bel-Air ♪

Hey, G, come on, man.
Can I get some spare change?

No. Use you own money.

G, come on. It's dime-a-frame
bowling day, man.

It's always more fun when you
use other people's dimes.

For the last time,
Master William

I have no spare change.

What about that piggy-bank
you keep hidden in your closet

under them issues
of "Big-butted Butler Babes?"

That was just
a lucky guess, man.

(Will)
'Hey, Uncle Phil, man.
What's up?'

Hey, look, look,
you got some spare change

for a brother, Uncle Phil?

Well, Carlton's
going to Princeton

and you're panhandling.

It's nice to see that
everybody's

reaching their potential.

Come on. It's dime-a-frame
bowling day.

Come on, man.
You got some spare change?

Doesn't Carlton's recent success

light the fire
of ambition in you?

Nah.
Hey, come on, man.

You gotta have something
in this pocket.

Don't make me go in there.
Come on.

Here. Take this.
Get out of my face.

Thank you,
thank you.

Oh, Hil, why so blue?

Ha ha.

I volunteered
to spend the weekend

with a flock
of bluebirds.

Oh, well, just keep them away
from my car.

I just got it waxed.

They're not real birds.

They're kinda like girl scouts.

And I am the honorary
hen mother.

Aw, Hilary, that's wonderful.
What do you have planned?

Planned? I don't know.

I thought I'd just
watch them run around.

Sweetheart, I think groups
like this

usually like to do
outdoorsy things

you know, like camping,
hiking, horseback riding.

They do?

Oh...

♪ Crash through
the line of blue ♪

♪ And send the backs
on 'round the end ♪

♪ Fight fight for every yard ♪

♪ Princeton's honor
to defend ♪♪

- Rah! Rah! Rah!
- Rah! Rah! Rah!

♪ Throw your hands up ♪

♪ If you wanna be down ♪

♪ So come on ♪

Rah, rah, rah.

Oh, look.

Here's my old Princeton beanie.

It fits perfectly.

Oh, God, it's been a long,
hard struggle, son

but you made it.

It sure has, big guy.

But I know it's not
gonna be easy.

Oh, you're damn right.

You're gonna finally
find out the meaning

of the word "Competition."

Because at Princeton,
they separate

the wheat from the chaff,
but you're ready.

You're gonna be a part
of the creme de la creme.

So I guess that makes pokey here

the creme of wheat.

This is gonna be a big change
for you, Carlton.

From now on,
it's just gonna be

work, work, work, work, work,
work, work.

Boy, boy, boy.

This crate sure brings back
a lot of memories.

Ah, look. My old trophy.

The yearbook.

What's this?

A twinkie.

I just dug this out
of the attic

because I thought maybe you know

you'd wanna go through it.

Rah, rah, rah!

Man.

Whoa. An afro pick.

Wonder who this
belonged to?

Hey, look. It's dad's
Phi Beta Kappa key.

Oh, man, look.

"Defensive player
of the year."

Wow. Look at all this stuff..

Uh, uh, valedictorian,
voted most popular

uh, captain
of the debating team.

Yo, Uncle Phil
was just straight-up

the man around that joint.

Oh, my God.

He's shaking hands
with President Johnson.

Will, I don't know
if I can do this.

I don't think you wanna
be shaking hands

with President Johnson
right now.

That's not what I mean.

I mean, I knew dad was you know
a big deal and everything

but, my God,
how do you follow this?

Carlton, what are
you talking about?

Well, as hard as I work
and as well as I do

the best I'll ever be

is not quite
as good as dad.

Look, I don't know
if I can do this, Will.

I don't know if I could
ever fill dad's shoes.

I don't know if I could
ever be good enough.

Hey, hey, come on, Carlton, man.

I mean, I know this might be
a bad time..

you got some spare change?

Look, Carlton,
we're in a public place, man

Now don't embarrass me.

- Rrrr!
- Aah!

Get outta here
'fore I hurt you, girl.

- Hey.
- Can I help you?

Uh, yeah, we'll take a, uh

size twelve
and three and a half.

Six and a half.

Oh.

Um, excuse me. But these look
like they've been worn before.

Carlton, take the shoes
and come on.

Fine.

♪ Bad to the bone ♪

♪ Bad to the bone ♪

[grunts]

♪ B-b-b-b-b-b-b-bad ♪

♪ Bad to the bone ♪

[instrumental music]

[grunts]

[cheering]

Man, you came up
with the quickness.

I did, didn't I?

For the first time out,
I wasn't bad.

Dude, you rolled
a 130. That's good.

You know
what that means.

That I'm a natural?

Uh, no. Y-you gotta buy
lunch.

Huh?

[instrumental music]

Here is the church

here is the steeple

open the door, and..

...where are all the people?

This is so boring.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

What do you want me to do?

Nature walk! Nature walk!
Nature walk!

Hey, hey, hey! What's
all the noise, big birds?

It's not big birds,
big ears.

It's bluebirds.

[chuckles]
Big ears. That's funny.

I'mma remember that
when cookie time rolls around.

Hey, Hil, can you do me a favor

and get your flock out of here?

Very funny,
but we're leaving.

We're going
on a nature walk.

Geoffrey, can you
give us a ride to nature?

Hey, Uncle Phil, who is this
rough-looking brother

standing next to you?

Ha, ha. That's your Aunt Viv.

Yeah. Uh, her facial hair
was different back then.

Why didn't anyone remind me

that I hate children?

My god, Hilary.
What happened to you?

I went on a nature walk

with those little blue people.

It was awful.

We were startled by a deer

swarmed by butterflies

and I have such a headache

from that babbling brook.

Hey, hey.

Hey, the Princeton man.

Son, I just signed the check

for your first year's tuition.

Thought I'd give you
the honor of mailing it.

Oh, I won't be needing it.

Oh, my God!
You got a scholarship.

I didn't even know
you had applied.

This is wonderful news.

It's not that,
but I do have wonderful
news.

Oh, what? The adapter for your
inflatable doll came in?

So, what's the wonderful news?

Dad, I've decided
not to attend Princeton.

Oh, after all
you've been through

you've decided
to stay at ULA, huh?

- No.
- Okay.

You're not going to ULA,
you're not going to Princeton.

Just what the hell
are you doing?

I'm gonna be a bowler.

Whoo.. Ow!

Oh! So you're
going to bowl!

[laughing]

Well, that's very different.

You certainly don't
need Princeton for that.

There you go.

I knew you'd be supportive.

Supportive?
Are you out of your mind?

Are you out of your mind?

Will! I'll handle this.

Are you out of your mind?

Just because I'm not gonna do

what you want me to do,
you're angry?

Look, dad, for the first time
in my life

I'm standing on my own two feet
fillin' my own two shoes

and not just being
what you want me to be.

What are you talking about?

I've never stopped you from
being what you want to be.

That ain't exactly true--

Shut up, will!

This is my decision.

I finally found something
that I'm good at

that I like and that's it.

- That's it? You're gonna bowl?
- That's it.

- I'm gonna bowl.
- Fine!

- Fine?
- Fine!

Your son is about
to throw his whole life away

and all you can say is,
"fine?"

Look, if I stop him from bowling

I'll be doing exactly
what he's accusing me of.

He just needs a little space.

- He will get over this.
- Look, Uncle Phil, man.

I think we need
to nip this thing in the bud.

No, it's just a phase,
Will, just a phase.

- Just a phase?
- Mm-hm.

We worked our fingers
to the bone

to put him through school!

He's about to throw it all away

and I'm the only one that wants

to do anything about it?

It is a sad, sad day

when Will Smith
becomes the voice of reason!

[instrumental music]

I said, stop it!

Stop it!

Oh, Geoffrey,
who am I kidding?

I can't do any of this!

I've even heard rumblings
that I'm not any fun.

Nonsense,
Miss Hilary!

Now, Master Carlton,
he's no fun.

But you're a splendid young lady
with a lot to offer.

If you just pick something
you like and are good at

I'm sure those girls will
have
a wonderful time with you.

Geoffrey, do you
really mean that?

No. It just seemed
the right thing to say.

[instrumental music]

[banging]

We gotta talk, boy!

Will you excuse us
for a second, please?

See you later, Pins.

"Pins?"

What is that short
for, pinhead?

No, it's not.

What happened to the guy
whose biggest dream in the world

was to go
to Princeton University?

I used to have
a lot of dreams, Will.

I used to dream
that I was being chased

by hot dogs and doughnuts.

But it's just a dream,
it means nothing.

- This is reality.
- No, this isn't reality, man.

This is stupid.

Will, my dad supports me.

Why can't you?

Your dad isn't
thinking straight.

The man's hopped up
on a 25-year-old Twinkie!

Will, you're just
wasting your time.

Look, you don't wanna bowl.
You wanna go to Princeton.

No, my dad wants me
to go to Princeton.

I wanna bowl.

No, you wanna go to Princeton

but you're just afraid.

Oh, I see what this is.

Will, you're suffering
from Pins envy.

Carlton, me?

Envious of you?

Oh, I see it, Will.
Why shouldn't you be?

I'm going to be
a professional athlete.

A professional..
Carlton, you can't even b*at me!

Ha!

Okay, let's have a match,
just you and me.

Oh, okay. You win,
you do what you wanna do.

I win, you're gonna take
your narrow butt to Princeton.

Now, that's stupid.

Oh, no. What?

you a little
chicken there, bro?

[clucking]

Oh, go ahead.
Teach him a lesson, Pins.

And by the way, I have
a coffee break in 15
minutes.

Okay.

You're on!

[grunting]

Whaa!

Whew!

[instrumental music]

Well, well, well.

I'm surprised you showed.

Look, see, why don't you just
save yourself

the embarrassment, man?

Go ahead home,
start getting packed

for Princeton.

Oh, yeah?

Why don't I not and say I
did?

Well..

...looks like we don't need
to do no more talking.

Let's just grab our balls.

[instrumental music]

♪ All you pretty women ♪

♪ Stand in line ♪

♪ Make love to you baby ♪

♪ In an hour's time ♪

♪ I'm a man ♪

♪ I spell m-a-n man ♪

♪ The line I sh**t ♪

♪ Will never miss ♪

[cheering]

♪ A ♪

♪ N ♪

♪ Man ♪

Aah!

[cheering]

♪ I goin' back down ♪

♪ To Kansas to ♪

♪ Bring back the second cousin ♪

♪ I'm a man ♪

♪ I spell m-a-n ♪♪

Whoa, looks like I just need
three pins to win

and there's four
standing up there

I've got a three
out of four chance

and bye-bye.

♪ Crash through
the line of blue ♪

♪ And send the backs
on 'round the end ♪

[laughing]

I love it!

[grunts]

Wait a minute!
Hey, it was my shoe!

My shoe, my shoe stuck!

That's a do-over!

That's not a.. No! No!

That's a do-over! That's not..

Somebody.. Somebody paged me
right, right when I..

Right when I was..

Right when I was doing this

somebody paged me!

[instrumental music]

Hilary, sweetheart

how's it going
with your little bluebirds?

Terrific, we finally
found something

that we can really connect
on.

Where are they?

Come on, girls!
Hurry it up!

Last one in the sauna's
gonna get clogged pores!

Hey, Uncle Phil.

That Carlton's going to be
some bowler, huh?

Oh, Will, Carlton's
not gonna be a bowler.

It's just a phase.

He's not gonna
throw his life away bowling.

He's not?

Like I said.

The best thing we can do

is just to steer clear of him.

Uh-huh, okay.
Well, see, uh..

I kinda took
a different approach.

I, kinda, like steered right at
him, you know what I'm sayin'?

and you know, I think I may have
strengthened his resolve

to throw
his whole life away

but I just wanna say to you

I don't think that should
affect our relationship.

What are you talking about?

Oh, oh, I can see it, so you
need further elaboration.

Well, see, Uncle Phil,
now you know I know

I could b*at carlton
at any sport, right?

But then,
I have found out

bowling ain't no sport,
you know?

So Carlton's
not going to Princeton.

He's going to join the PBA.
I'mma go get a grub.

You want me
to make you something?

Will, if I find out
that you contributed

to my son not going
to Princeton

you'll be picking
my shoe leather--

- Hi, y'all!
- Hey, look. It's Pins.

Son, I think it's about time
we had a little talk.

Oh, I think we should.

You're durn skippy we should!

You're durn skippy y'all should!

[sighs]

Carlton, you're right.

It's always been my dream
for you to go to Princeton.

But it's been yours, also.

I never pushed you.

I know.

I just freaked out.

I mean, when I got accepted

and you brought down
that box of achievements

I just realized that I could
never measure up to you.

I got scared.

Son..

...this is not a competition.

And it's perfectly natural
for you to feel the pressure

and get mixed up
and start..

...bowling.

But bowling..

...never solves anything.

It just makes things worse.

Oh, I know that now.

Oh, sure, it offered
a quick high, cheap thrills

and fast women,
but who wants that?

I'm a Princeton man.

[chuckles]

Son, I have always been proud
of your achievements.

The only question in my mind

is if Princeton
is good enough for you.

Yeah?

Do you think I should
hold out for Harvard?

No.

Listen, there are always
gonna be things

that I'm better at than you

and you'll be better
at than I am.

Oh, you mean
like bowling.

[laughing]

Well, I am sure there are
a lot of things

but bowling?

Oh, no.
No, no, no, no, no.

Not bowling.

Dad, I can b*at you
at bowling.

[chuckles]

You want a piece of me?