06x20 - I, Stank Horse

Episode transcripts for the TV show "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air". Aired September 10, 1990 - May 20, 1996.*
Watch/Buy Amazon  Merchandise


Will's mom sends him away from his rough Philadelphia neighborhood to live with wealthy Uncle Phil and Aunt Vivian in Bel-Air.
Post Reply

06x20 - I, Stank Horse

Post by bunniefuu »

[laughing]

Here we go.

But it'll cut into
my trick or treat..

[laughing]
I can't do it.

I'm just gonna
say my line and go.

[laughing]

But it'll cut into
my trick or treat..

[laughing]

- What are you doing?
- I can't get it out.

[laughing]

Boy, you stupid.
That boy's so dumb.

(d*ck)
Cut, cut, cut.
Cut, cut, cut..

Hey, d*ck Clark,
what you doing here, man?

You're doing
a blooper show, aren't you?

Well, well, yeah.

Yeah, but you're
doing it all wrong.

You can't just jump
into a blooper show.

Man, what you
know about bloopers?

I think I know a thing or
two.

Let me, uh.. Let me break
you
off a little something here.

First of all, you gotta
have a concept.

O-o-okay. Okay. You mean like,
naked-bikini-model bloopers.

That-that's-that's
a little off topic.

How about something, maybe
related to the show?

That is exactly
why you the king, man.

[laughing]

[theme song]

♪ Now this is a story
all about ♪

♪ How my life got flipped
turned upside down ♪

♪ And I'd like to take a minute
just sit right there ♪

♪ I'll tell you
how I became the prince ♪

♪ Of a town called Bel-Air ♪

[instrumental music]

♪ In West Philadelphia
born and raised ♪

♪ On the playground is where
I spent most of my days ♪

♪ Chillin' out maxin'
relaxin' all cool ♪

♪ And all sh**t' some b-ball
outside of the school ♪

♪ When a couple of guys
who were up to no good ♪

♪ Started makin' trouble
in my neighborhood ♪

♪ I got in one little fight
and my mom got scared and said ♪

♪ You're movin' with your auntie
and uncle in Bel-Air ♪

♪ I whistled for a cab
and when it came near ♪

♪ The license plate said fresh
and it had dice in the mirror ♪

♪ If anything I can say
that this cab was rare ♪

♪ But I thought nah forget it
yo homes to Bel-Air ♪

♪ I pulled up to the house
about seven or eight ♪

♪ And I yelled to the cabbie
yo homes smell you later ♪

♪ I looked at my kingdom
I was finally there ♪

♪ To sit on my throne
as the Prince of Bel-Air ♪

[music continues]

[instrumental music]

Hey, hey, what's up, y'all?

Here we are at
"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air."

And I'm about to take you on a
special behind-the-scenes tour.

Right now we're at NBC, you know

kind of my home away from home.

Forgot my pass today,
but it don't matter none.

I'm like royalty around here,
you know what I'm talking about?

[grunting]

Brother. Brother, come on.

What about the march?
What about the march?

Yeah. Well, they was..
They was just playing, you know?

They do that
all the time, you know.

Oh, but, hey, come on,
let's go inside.

Let's check to see
what's going on on the set.

You know, backstage
and all that.

Whoo! Ha-ha!

What's up, y'all?
Welcome to backstage.

See, you know, everybody
ain't allowed back here

but I'm hooking y'all up, see?

This is where we keep
Makeup and Hair, Wardrobe

and our dressing rooms
and stuff.

Oh, you know what? Let's go
to James Avery's dressing room.

You know, he plays Uncle Phil on
the show. Look, look, look. See?

"James Avery."

His room number is 1730.

I think that's the year
he was born.

Look at him. Fronting.
He know he can't read.

Yo, James. What's up, brother?

What's going on, man?

Hey, say what's up
to the people.

- What's up?
- 'Ha-ha-ha.'

See? Now, we had all our
dressing rooms hooked up

to match our
personalities, you know?

And this here
is James' personality.

You know, it's like,
early-American wino.

You know, that kind
of thing he's got going.

You know, look,
oh, you know, he got his

Billie Holiday
picture up on the wall.

A little
Charlie "Bird" Parker, you know.

Boy, I'm telling you,
this man got mad flavor.

And let me tell you,
he is a consummate professional.

[chuckles]
That's very kind of you.

You know what?
I don'teverremember

that man missing a line. Ever.

What am I about..
What I'm about to do..

What I'm about..
What I'm about..

What I'm about.. What I'm
about.. What I'm about..

What I'm about.. What I'm
about.. What I'm about..

Would you just set this mess up?

What is it? I'm sorry.

I'm trying.
God knows I'm trying.

(male #1)
'Grab the list away from Will.'

Almost made it.

- No, you didn't.
- Yes, I did.

When-when-when
are you gonna come in?

(male #1)
'What happened?
You missed your place?'

- Thank you.
- When.. When..

When are you gonna come in?

[Will stammering]

Boy, boy, boy.

Boy, boy, boy, boy.

So, Robert, you know
anything about, uh

fixing this line that
I'm screwing up?

Keeping money that's
not yours is wrong.

- Was that right?
- That was it!

[both laughing]

Boy, I'm telling you right now.

Look, see, James'
room is fly, right?

See, he got his little cabinet
here and all this stuff.

See, this is where he keep his
shoes and stuff like that

Let's see what
he got up in here.

Damn!

Boy, I bet Noah could've used
one of these Johns.

You know what I'm talking about?

[laughing]

He's really funny.

But you know, Will,
ha, ha, ha..

I really want you
out of my room.

I'll-I'll see you
before the show, James.

Oh, hey. You know, I know.

Hey, let's go see what
Alfonso's doing in Wardrobe.

Alright, here we are.
This is Wardrobe.

Now this is where they
keep all our clothes

and all that kind of stuff.

Oh, see? Right here,
is a pair of Alfonso's pants.

Hey, you know.. Hey, I think
he's in here. Let's go see.

(Alfonso)
'Hey, hey!'

Y'all don't wanna see that.

Hey, come here,
come here, come here.

See, now, this is where
the wardrobe designers

put together all the ideas
and stuff like that

that they want Alfonso's
character to wear.

I think this is his favorite.

What do you want, Will? I've
gotta get ready for the show.

Oh, no, no, oh, it's..

Say what's up to everybody, man.

- Hello.
- No.

See what I'm doing is, I got
everybody you know, I'm
taking

them backstage, I'm showing
them stuff, you know.

All the hush-hush
undercover stuff

they don't really get to
see.

You know, that-that we
getting
prepared for the show.

What do you do to get prepared?

Oh, well, you know, I like to
go. I sit in my dressing room.

I take my script,
I read it over.

Make sure I got my lines right

'cause you never wanna mess up
during the show it's really..

Yeah, we only got
a half hour, though.

Oh, hey, how about you do
the Carlton dance real
quick?

- Do the Carlton dance.
- Ha, ha, ha.

How about I don't and say I did?

Man, that dance
is your trademark.

So is overacting.

[Will screaming]

[Alfonso screaming]

Why? No.

God, why'd you take him?

You. You did this to him.

[crying]

Oh, no.

Ah!

Ah!

Ah!

Ah!

No! No! Oh, my God!

How could you do this?
Oh, God! No!

No. No.

Will, no, please! God, no!

Oh, no.

Oh, God. No.

Oh! Oh, God.
How can he do that?

How can he do that?

Please, no. Oh, my God.

Look, I will not be
publicly embarrassed

by, um-um, a problem

of me remembering
my damn lines.

It won't happen, damn it.

- It ain't gonna happen.
- It's okay. It's okay.

- I'm not gonna allow it,
- It's okay, hey. It's okay.

- It's over.
- It's alright, man.

It's alright, man.
Let it go, man. Let it go.

- It's over. Alright.
- It's okay, man.

I can feel the power.

Yes!

Yes!

Oh, God!

[sobbing]

[Will laughs]

No, no, no.
That's called good show energy.

This is overacting.

I would've expected
this from Carlton..

...but not you.

[sobbing]

Ashley, no!

[wailing]

[wailing]

[wailing]

[gasping]

[wailing]

[sobbing]

Damn, damn, damn, James.

That was from "Good Times."

Where's my Willy, Carlton?
I can't find my Willy.

[sobbing]

[screaming]

♪ This little light of mine ♪

[screaming]

♪ I'm gonna let it shine ♪

[screaming]

♪ This little light of mine ♪

[screaming]

♪ This little light of mine ♪

♪ I'm gonna let it shine ♪

[screaming continues]

♪ This little light of mine ♪

♪ I'm gonna let it shine ♪

♪ I'm gonna let it shine ♪

♪ This little light of mine ♪♪

[screaming]

[screaming]

[laughing]

[instrumental music]

Alright, here we are.
This is makeup and hair, right?

This is where we get our, uh,
um, makeup a-and our hair done.

This is Karyn
and this is Tatyana.

They play Hilary and Ashley.

Say what's up, y'all,
say what's up.

- Hey.
- What's up?

Yeah, see, I'm just showin'
everybody around

you know and showin' them
how we get prepared

and all that stuff for the show.

Oh, hey, here.

Let me put some lipstick on you.

Uh-uh. No.
No. Will.

Karyn, people are lookin',
let me put some lipstick--

Will, stop it. Come on.

Ah, here, let me-let me your
hair, let me do your hair.

No. Why don't you go bug Ta?

- Go ahead.
- 'Don't bug Ta.'

- Let me put some lipstick on.
- No, please, Will.

- Be careful with that, please.
- I-I just wanna put some lip--

No, Will, that's a really
bright color, okay?

Think they trippin' now
you should see them

when they be messin'
their lines all up.

Hi, I'm Hilary Banks.
TV Weather Girl.

When I don't have
my head in the clouds

I like to relax
with a nice hot cup of..

[stammers]

- Hot cup of..
- Well, at first, I said..

Ah, sh**t. Damn it.

- And then what'd you say?
- I forgot.

The next thing I said, when
I don't have my.. Oh, sh**t.

- The next thing I said--
- Hil-Hil-Hilary, uh..

- How many takes did you do?
- Only forty one.

And you'd think
that would tire me out.

But I'm more awake now
than when we started.

I'm serious, daddy.

I'm not gonna just sit here
and watch you eat yourself

into an early grave.

So you're gonna throw
a fork at me?

I tried to keep going.

Do you swear to tell
the truth so help you God?

[laughs]
I'm sorry.

With an, with old
raggedy halter top

that say, "Yeah, boy."

[laughing]

So sorry.

With an old raggedy halter top
that say, "Heh!"

[both laughing]

The camera's on me, I thought
the camera was just on him.

I can't deal with this.

Just for no reason, you'll say,
"Dum-dum-dee-day."

[both laughing]

Oh, my God. Oh, God.

[shrieks]

Geoffrey, guess what.

- Will saw.. I'm sorry.
- Good job. Thank you. Good job.

Oh, yeah, see,
she messed her line up, though.

Hey, Ta, listen, alright?

- Now, I don't play that crap!
- No.

- No, no! I don't play that!
- No! No!

Listen,
I'm not playing with you!

You had the same..

Hold on, come here!

I have money invested
in companies

that I've never even..

- Heard of.
- Heard of.

Oh, I'm totally,
I'm so sorry.

No, no!

Help me.

Oh, no. This is not happening.

[laughing]

What are you guys doing?

Karyn, you completely
messed me up.

I looked over at you
and you had this

vacant look in your eyes,
I remember it.

I was probably thinkin'
I wanted to go home.

But don't blame me
for you messin' up.

- That was like the fifth take.
- Excuse me.

- Oh, me, messing up?
- Excuse me.


I'm just tryin' to figure out

why I couldn't put
some lipstick on somebody.

What is this thing about
lipstick you got goin' on today?

Alright, we've known
each other for six years.

I should be able to put
some dag old lipstick on
you.

You got a lipstick
thing goin' on.

You're disrespecting me in
front of company, that's
all.

You know, we have known
each other for six years.

I think it's his turn
for lipstick.

- He's never gotten any.
- Have a seat.

Wait-wait, why y'all
gettin' all strong?

- His eyebrows need plucking.
- Oh, his eyebrows. Yes.

Don't be tweeze..
Don't be tweezin' my eyebrows.

Right there.

Get off me, no.
Get off, get off me.

Get off me. Alright,
now, that's enough.

Y'all play too daggone much.

They be playin' too much.

Now, come on, let's go
somewhere where we appreciated.

- Alright, Rusty.
- Hey, Joe. What's up, man?

Hey, Will. Nice shade.

Oh, oh, no, no, Karyn and
Ta,
they-they were just playin'.

Hey. Oh, everybody. Joe Marcell.
He plays Geoffrey the butler.

Hello.

Yeah, you know,
I was just showin' them
clips

of everybody
messin' their lines up.

But not you, man.
You are refined.

You British. You special, man.

State of the art, boy.

Thank you, Will.

Oh, no, I mean,
I'm just sayin'

when you step out
on that stage, man

you just get out there
and you hit it. Blam!

- Blam.
- That's right.

- Thank you again, Will.
- Yeah, right.

When she's not looking, break
one of her crystal fusiliers.

[soft chuckle]

I'm hawking candy bars.
They're only five bucks.

Marvelous.

Why is it marvelous?

Well, I'm off for the weekend.

Where you going, Geoffrey?

Where am I going?

(Will)
'You don't even know
where you going, do you?'

I've not a clue.

And you are left alone..

...standing in the dark.

[laughs]

They've started
their women's weekend

of nothing but facials,
massages and..

[muttering]

I guess all that British stuff
went right out the window, huh?

[laughing]

I'm an actor, not a machine.

Yeah, whatever.
Just lose the phony accent.

Well.. Ooh!

God, if I had a watch on,
I'd know I was late, well, look.

I gotta go get my face right

and I gotta get my wardrobe
and everything together

'cause for the past six years

we always come together
right before the show.

So y'all stay tuned
'cause it's showtime.

♪ Ho! Ho! Ho! ♪
♪ Ho! Ho! Ho! ♪

♪ How y'all feeling fool
Hey how y'all feeling ♪

♪ Ho ♪

♪ Tonto jump on it
jump on it jump on it ♪

♪ Ho ♪

♪ Kemosabe jump on it
jump on it jump on it ♪

[music continues]

♪ Custer jump on it
jump on it jump on it ♪

[music continues]

♪ Apache jump on it
jump on it jump on it ♪

[all cheering]

♪ A hunga hunga hunga hunga.. ♪♪

Well, I just have to say there's
not another group of people

that I would rather be
in this kind of circle

with a hundred and forty-nine
some-odd times.

- Hey.
- Yeah.

- Yeah.
- Man.

- Ditto.
- Oh, ditto.

Even though James
takes up most of the circle--

(James)
Ditto. As well I should.

[all laughing]

(Will)
Oh, let's go out there
and let's just have some
fun.

Let's give me some!

[all cheering]

- Have a good show.
- You ready, baby?

- Yes. You ready?
- Are you ready?

Come on,
let's get this party, right?

Ugh!

I'm sorry, man.
You al.. Are you alright?

- Okay, you're gonna be alright?
- I'm alright.

Alright, come on, come on.

- You can.. No.
- Here we go.

Come on, let's go. Let's go!

(male #2)
'Alright, guys, make some noise.
It's showtime, baby.

[audience cheering]

[instrumental music]

(Will)
Whoo!

Alright, alright, alright.

I'm coming. I'm coming.

(male #2)
'Here he is, Joseph Marcell.'

[audience cheering]

[music continues]

- I am.
- 'How about a hand?'

'Playin' Ashley,
Miss Tatyana M. Ali.'

'Miss Tatyana M. Ali.'

'Here she is. There she is.'

[screaming]

(male #2)
'Alfonso Ribeiro. There he is.'

'Baby.'

'Miss Karyn Parsons.'

'Miss Karyn Parsons. Hilary.'

'Miss Daphne Maxwell Reid.'

'Vivian.'

'James Avery. Uncle Phil.'

'Yeah, lose your mind, guys.'

'Lose your mind.'

'Lose your mind.'

'Here we go, guys,
now, MTV Music Award'

'Grammy, Soul Train Music'

'the movie "Bad Boys" and,
of course, guys'

'catch him
in "Independence Day."'

'How about a hand?
Mr. Will, Will Smith!'

[upbeat music]

[all cheering]

(male #2)
'Mr. Will Smith.'

♪ Get up y'all get up y'all ♪

♪ Get up get up get up ♪

♪ Let me hear you say yeah ♪♪

(all)
"Yeah."

Now everybodyscream!

Oh, yeah. Mix Master Mike,
throw somethin' on.

'I want y'all to have fun.
I'm gonna get ready.'

And I'll see y'all
in about two minutes. Peace.

Yo, now, that was a funny show.

I enjoyed seein'
them guys mess up.

And trust me,
they mess upa lot.

But-but, Will, we didn't
get to see your bloopers.

Uh... Pfft.

Ah! We out of time, though, man.

Wait, wait.
No, no, no, wait, wait.

Will, we got lots of time.

Trust me. Roll them.

Now I'm a happy chicken.

Will, where are you going?

We-we haven't finished
sh**ting the..

[music on speaker]

♪ HG helium LI
lithium ZM.. ♪

Wrong line.

Hey, look. Hey, look, man.

Check it out. Check it out, man.

If anybody know my line
just tell me what it is, right?

[laughing]

Is this where the party is?

Granny, I really like you,
I mean, you and grandpa..

Gr-grand.. Um, that dude
that you married.

[laughing]

I mean, she's lonely
and something..

I don't remember my line,
I was gonna babble

through that joint now.

I just wanna say that
I greatly admire your..

[Will sneezes]

Excuse you.

Oh, God. Thank you.

Thank you,
thank you so much.

[laughing]

Well, how'd you like
the bloopers?

[laughing]

Didn't really work for me,
you know.

I didn't think it was too funny.

Don't you gotta go see
Ed McMahon or somethin'?

No, no, no. Lo-look at this one.
I got a real beauty, now--

I'm sorry, d*ck.
I'll see you later, alright?

Thanks a lot.

[instrumental music]

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪
Post Reply