06x23 - I, Done Part 1

[bunniefuu]

I'm home.

[shouting]
Vivian, the birthday boy's here.

[chuckles]

Geoffrey?

Carlton?

Hilary?

Ashley? Nicky?

Anybody?

Will?

[sighs]

♪ Whoa ♪

♪ I feel good ♪

♪ Like I knew that I would ♪

♪ I feel good ♪

♪ I knew that I would ♪

♪ So good ♪

♪ So good ♪

♪ I got you ♪

♪ Whoa I feel nice.. ♪

(all)
Surprise!

- 'Happy birthday.'
- 'Happy birthday.'

[theme song]

♪ Now this is a story ♪

♪ All about how my life
got flipped ♪

♪ Turned upside-down ♪

♪ And I'd like to take a minute
just sit right there ♪

♪ I'll tell you
how I became the prince ♪

♪ Of a town called Bel-Air ♪

♪ In West Philadelphia,
born and raised ♪

♪ On the playground is where
I spent most of my days ♪

♪ Chillin' out, maxin'
relaxing all cool ♪

♪ And all sh**t' some b-ball
outside of the school ♪

♪ When a couple of guys
who were up to no good ♪

♪ Started makin' trouble
in my neighborhood ♪

♪ I got in one little fight
and my mom got scared ♪

♪ And said you're moving
with your auntie ♪

♪ And uncle in Bel-Air ♪

♪ I whistled for a cab
and when it came near ♪

♪ The license plate said fresh
and it had dice in the mirror ♪

♪ If anything I can say
that this cab was rare ♪

♪ But I thought
nah forget it ♪

♪ Yo homes to Bel-Air ♪

♪ I pulled up to a house
about seven or eight ♪

♪ And I yelled
to the cabbie ♪

♪ Yo homes smell you later ♪

♪ I looked at my kingdom
I was finally there ♪

♪ To sit on my throne
as the prince of Bel-Air ♪

[music continues]

♪ Happy birthday
dear Uncle Phil ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪♪

[laughs]

Whoo!

[all cheer]

You better watch it, boy.
Mess around

blow that whole cake
on the floor.

Hey, Uncle Phil, come on now.

How would you describe the look
on your face

when we screamed "Surprise"?

- Uh.. Surprised?
- Come on, man.

You looked just like a cow
caught in the headlights.

[laughs]

I believe, the correct term is
"Deer caught in the headlights."

Oh, yeah, yeah. I know.

Forty-eight, 49, a jillion.

[all chuckle]

- Oh, honey. Hmm?
- Mom, how old are you?

Younger than your father.

But everything's
younger than dad.

Yeah.

Such a kidder.

[laughs]

But 50's gonna be
a great year.

Not only for me,
but for all of us.

I got a son heading off
to Princeton.

'Two daughters starting exciting
lives in New York.'

Another son starting
kindergarten.

And a nephew that's, uh..

That's, uh..

Hey, buddy,
you're gonna love kindergarten.

[both laugh]

Well, it looks like we're all in
the fast lane. Except for Will.

I mean, someone has to be stuck
on the soft shoulder.

[laughs]

[screams]

Y'all hear what he said?
Stuck on the soft shoulder.

Hey, are all the other munchkins
as funny as you?

- Champagne.
- Oh.

Ooh!
Great, I love champagne.

I mean, I..
I love the look of it.

The color and the,
and the bubbles.

Well, here's to my
wonderful family.

- Yeah.
- Cheers.

I have a little announcement
to make myself.

I have decided to
move back to London

to be near my son Frederick.

- Geoffrey.
- Geoffrey?

Well, I thought about it
long and hard.

The time is right.

He needs me.

[sighs]
Good luck, Geoffrey.

Oh, thank you, sir.

Oh, Geoffrey,
I'm gonna miss you.

Oh, we have to have a
special
going-away dinner for you.

What do you wanna make?

Let's have another toast.

To all of us going on
with our new lives.

And Will.

- Hear, hear.
- Hear, hear.

Don't worry, Will, you can come
to kindergarten with me.

[chuckles]
Waa, pssh.

[music continues]

Geoffrey, I know
it's a little premature

and I know
I really didn't have to

but being the generous
person
that I am

I got you a little
going-away gift.

[chuckles]

And that's a real
autograph.

Go ahead, press the button.
Press the button.

(Hilary)
"Geoffrey, get in here,
I need you."

[laughs]

Oh, don't you just
love it?

Love it.

Hey, hey, morning, Uncle Phil.

Whoa, 50 and a day, man.
How's it feel?

I'm not getting older,
I'm just getting better.

[both chuckle]

That's the same thing I'd say

if I was on the downside
of the hill.

[groans]

Dad, before I go to Princeton

there's a few loose ends
I'd like to tie up.

I've taken the liberty
of re-drafting your will.

Now, if you'll sign right here
and initial this little box

in the event you lapse
into a coma

that'll give us the right
to pull the plug.

How about a little sensitivity?

Alright, but if he keels over
today, we're screwed.

Morning, all.

Isn't it a great day?

(both)
Pssh!

- Happy birthday, Mr. Banks.
- Mm.

Heard you had quite a soiree
last night.

That's French for "Shindig."

What's French for
"Unwelcomed guest?"

I bought this for you.

[chuckles]
Oh!

They're false teeth.

They were my grandmom's.

She don't need them no more.

I know that look.

You're not getting
any younger.

This isn't good
for your back.

I brought this on myself.

Aah!

[thud]

Man, Uncle Phil, you b*at your
own record by, like, ten feet.

[laughs]
Yeah.

There he is.
The oldest man in the world.

Ahh!

[shrieking]

- I still got it.
- Ha-ha-ha.

Ah. Geoffrey,
I've been thinking.

With you going back to
England

there's going to be
a big void in my life.

Master Carlton,
we'll write.

Yeah, but that won't get my dry
cleaning picked up.

Chop-chop, Geoffrey.

And to think I fished that boy
out of the pool.

Okay.
I got the color swatches.

This is gonna be so much
fun,
living together.

I know, I can't wait.

[both laughing]

- Okay.
- Ahem.

Eggshell in the kitchen
and taupe in the living
room.

[chuckles]
I don't think so.

[laughs]

We agreed I could pick out
the colors.

We agreed that
you would have input.

That's right and I'm inputting
these colors into our apartment.

[chuckles]

My apartment.

And I just changed my mind

you'll have
no input whatsoever.

[chuckles]
This is gonna be so much
fun,
us living together.

[sighing]
I'm gonna miss this time
we've spend together.

Me working hard,
focusing on my career

and you sitting around
in the house all day

in your robe
playing Nintendo.

You always make me feel so,
so superior.

Kinda like the story
of the grasshopper and the ant.

The ant worked all summer long
storing up food

while the grasshopper just
frittered away his time.

Well, grasshopper,
the winter has come

and you've just been frittering.

Frittering. Frittering.
Frittering.

[chuckles]

See, now,
that's where you're wrong.

See, the grasshopper hasn't
been frittering.

You know, unlike the ant

the grasshopper had a life
and friends.

And every once in a while
a couple of little ladybugs

would come over to spend some
time with the grasshopper.

And on one weekend

you know the ladybug
from the bookstore

the one the ant has
the crush on?

She even came over to spend some
time with that fine grasshopper.

The weekend that
he was away at Princeton.

Well, what was she
doing here?

Uh, frittering.

Mm.
She fritters so good.

Ha-ha-ha.
That's funny.

You know, you're the
funniest
guy in the pool house.

And soon enough, you're gonna be
the only guy in the pool house.

I mean, with the rest of us
striking out on our own

the only question is who's gonna
move out first you or Nicky?

[laughs]

Better hope he doesn't go
to boarding school.

[music continues]

Hey, G.
What's up, man?

Hey, look, um..

I got this friend, right?

You know, he-he kind of got
a little problem.

Well, see,
he-he got these three cousins

and they're all moving on
with new

and exciting lives
and everything.

Is your friend feeling pensive?

My friend doesn't know
what pensive means.

- Is your friend feeling lost?
- Ah! Lost.

Yeah, yeah.
See, he's feeling lost.

You know,
he's feeling like the world is

just rushing by him, you knows.

Everybody's getting into
all these new things

and he's just stuck
kicking it in the pool house.

Well, I mean, you know, per se.

You know, I mean,
I guess he's feeling embarrassed

you know, that he's the only one
that ain't doing nothing.

Well, then I suggest you
tell your friend the story

my father told me.

It's the tale
of the young Earl of Monroe

who wanted to build a bridge
over the River Mersey.

He labored for years
and years

and finally he was all done
and quite proud of himself.

O-o-okay. Okay.
So I guess what you're saying is

you know,
I should just tell my boy

you know,
that if he applies himself

everything gonna be cool.

Well, actually, when the
earl
completed the bridge

he flung himself off it.

- Dude k*lled himself?
- Quite.

Now, if you'll excuse me,
Master William

- I have dinner to prepare.
- What?

That's the advice
that your father gave you?

My father was not a well man.

Geoffrey, we are really gonna
miss your cooking.

Oh, not to mention
your cleaning.

I'll never find anyone
who can iron the way you do.

Don't even go there.

You know, Will,
with Geoffrey leaving

there's a job opening here
in the house.

Yeah, I guess I could start by

washing your pants
in a thimble.

You know,
this is one of the last times

that we'll all be
sitting together

around this table for a while.

We should cherish these few
moments we have as a family.

I'm really gonna
miss you guys.

Oh, not to worry,
big guy.

Will's gonna be sitting around
this table for years to come.

Carlton, leave Will alone.

He can stay in the pool
house
for as long as he wants.

- Right, daddy?
- Well..

It's either that or the Homeboy
Homeless Shelter. Ha!

For your information,
midget boy

I already got an apartment.

You did?

Well, y-yeah.
You know.

I-I was gonna surprise
y'all,
you know, but..

You're moving?

Yeah, I'm moving.

Don't toy with
my emotions, Will.

I've been waiting a long time,
I'm very vulnerable.

Look, I said,
I'm moving, Uncle Phil.

The pool house is mine.

Yes.

[music continues]

Oh, it's you.

Circling apartments, eh?

Looks like you've painted
yourself into a corner

this time, Master William.

Yeah, well, don't you
worry about me, G.

I'm one of the best corner
getter-outers that there is.

You'll see.

But-but I'm saying, you know..

I mean,
you-you do got my back, right?

Within a week, I shall be at
30,000 feet headed to London

with many tiny bottles of
Jim Beam dancing in front of me.

But until then..

...your back is mine.

Thanks a lot, G.

- Good morning, Will.
- Hey, what's up, Uncle Phil?

I hope you didn't
misconstrue
my enthusiasm

over your leaving,
last night.

I'm really proud of you.

[chuckles]
In fact, I'm even
a little envious.

I mean, there's nothing more
exciting than change.

You-you know, I have a little
story I'd like to tell you.

When did the story fairy descend
on this house?

Um, look, Uncle Phil,
um, ca-can we do that later?

You know, I gotta go check out
a few things for my spot.

- Yeah.
- Oh, well, sure. Sure.

[chuckles]

[music continues]

[door opens]

What do you want?

Um.. I'm here to see
the apartment.

Fine.
Don't touch that channel!

It's one bedroom with a bath.

One parking space.

No loud music and..

That cupcake's mine!

Um..

I'm-I'm-I'm sorry.

You have company?

No.

Uh, I just thought somebody was
there, you know, 'cause..

No. I'm alone.

Did you ever see that movie "One
Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest?"

(landlady)
'Oh, I suppose
I have to clean that up.'

[music continues]

Hold on. Sir,
I have the airline on the phone.

In lieu of my spring bonus

I think it would be
a magnificent gesture

if you sent me back to London
first class on the Concorde.

[chuckles softly]

What would you consider
an adequate gesture?

Business class
with a kosher meal.

What would be
less than adequate?

Working here another year.

I'll get back to you.

Ah.
There you are.

Sit down,
we need to have a little talk.

(all)
Will did it.

No one did anything.
Now sit down.

Well, your mother and I
have decided

since all of you are moving out

that, well, we all need to be

clear on a few things.

We expect you to
behave yourselves

just as you do at home.

The same rules apply.

Oh, then what's the point
of moving?

Can I have that one back?

I don't know that these rules
apply, I'm 25.

Hilary, you're 27.

That doesn't leave this room.

Carlton, I'm gonna need you to

look in on your sisters
on the weekend.

Oh, great.

Now I can kiss
Glee Club goodbye.

Okay, are we done?

I'd like to go over
the schedule.

We're gonna get together
on all major holidays.

- Thanksgiving..
- Oh, no, dad.

November's sweeps month.
No can do.

Well, we're gonna get together
for Christmas.

What if I meet somebody

and they invite me to their
house for Christmas?

Well, what if I meet
somebody?

Well, what if she
meets somebody?

Dad, why don't we just see
what happens?

No, we are not just gonna see
what happens.

We're gonna get together
whether we want to or not

because we're a family
and we love each other, right?

(all)
Yeah.

- Now get out.
- Okay.

Now, out this window,
you get a ocean view.

The sunsets here are fabulous.

Oh, man, I gotta tell you,
this place is all that.

And the price isn't too much
because, well, I am
flexible.

Hey, look, man,
this is less than

what I'm paying now,
Mr. Clark.

- No, call me Peter, huh?
- Oh, cool.

Peter.

Hey, so when you moving out?

[chuckles]

I'm not moving out.

[music continues]

Geoffrey, I'm gonna need some
things taken care of

in the pool house
before I move in.

Master Nicky, I do sympathize
with your plight

but I leave
in a matter of days.

That's plenty of time
to paint.

Chop-chop.

[laughs]

[sighs]

Master William,
any luck with your search?

Man, I saw some of the nastiest
places this city has to offer.

Oh, well. You'll have
better luck tomorrow.

[scoffs]
Suppose you right
if I was gonna keep looking.

[sighs]
G, what would you say if I said

I...think I may have
made a mistake?

The word "Duh"
comes to mind.

Well, you know-you know
what?

You know,
I know what I'm gonna do.

I'm gonna march right up to
Uncle Phil

and I'm gonna just tell him
I lied. Pshh.

I mean, I'm a man, you know.

I can admit to my mistakes.

That's all it was, a mistake.

Mistakes can be undone.

You learn, you move on.
So what?

I mean, I can admit
I was completely wrong

and I can take my lumps.

Lumps I earned.

A man's lumps.

Uncle Phil can relate to that.
He a man, he lumpy.

- Well said.
- That's right.

Look, I'm gonna march right up
to Uncle Phil and I'm gonna say

"This man is staying
in the pool house."

Good show,
Master William.

And I wouldn't miss it
for the world.

- What does he want now?
- Who knows?

[sighs]
Everyone, glad you're here.

Your mother and I have an
announcement to make.

Dad, we've already
been through this.

We'll give you
Columbus Day.

W-wait a minute,
wait a minute.

I-I have an announcement
to make too.

Well, Will,
you wanna go first?

No, you-you-you can go
ahead,
Uncle Phil.

(Phil)
'Ah. Thank you.'

In light of all
the changes afoot

your mother and I
have decided to change too.

We're gonna sell the house.

You're really selling
the house?

Yeah. What do you think?

Wha..
Uh, what are you, crazy?

I mean that in the most
respectful way.

I know what this is.

I did an entire show on it.

"The change of life."

Are you experiencing mood
swings? Trouble sleeping?

Do your breasts ache?

I am not going
through menopause.

Mood swing at 3 o'clock.

Your father and I decided that

since all of you were moving out

we don't need a house
this big anymore.

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Hold on.

I mean, do we really wanna sell
this house in a soft market?

Oh, yeah. It's soft, Uncle Phil.
Marshmallowy.

I am selling this house for a
lot more than I paid for it.

Then let's dump this puppy.

Excuse me, I love this house.
I grew up in this house.

Yeah, she grew up
in this house,

and Carlton still has
a lot of growing to do.

Where would we go
for the holidays?

Wait, whatever happened
to November sweeps.

- 'Huh? Huh?'
- Well, it..

And-and Ashley,
"I might meet somebody"? And..

Ashley, "I might meet somebody"?

Dad, we'll come home
for the holidays.

See, see, they wanna come
home
for the holidays.

No, you kids were right.

Now we're not gonna be spending
a lot of time together

so there's no reason
why we can't move back East.

We wanna be close to you guys.

Well, why just be close?
Let's all live together.

No.

[chuckles]
Did I say that?

It's gonna be great.

Oh, Will, we were so caught up
in our own excitement

we forgot about your news.

Well, wh-what do you
wanna tell us?

Oh.

Um..

Uh, I bought a monkey.

[music continues]

[theme music]

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪