06x01 - Coming Home

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Xena: Warrior Princess". Aired: September 1995 to June 2001.*
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Xena helps people free themselves against injustices.
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06x01 - Coming Home

Post by bunniefuu »

Did you hear something?

Ares' message said to meet him here?
In these woods?

-That's right.
-Do you think he's calling in a favor?

We do owe him.

We owe him everything.
He gave up his immortality for us.

For the god of w*r
there's no greater sacrifice.

Maybe he wants
to see you again.

After all, he does have
a thing for you.

-No, he wants something.
-My point exactly.

Weren't these amazon lands
at one times?

They still are.

-Why do you ask?
-No reason.

What happened here?

Who would destroy
the amazon forest?

Let's go.

Varia, let's go!
There's too many of them!

To Ares' camp!
Move!

You call that fighting?

We don't often have
such welcome strangers on our land.

Thank you.

We're glad we could help...
but we're not strangers.

Yeah.

That one looks familiar.

I am Marga, queen of the amazons.

This is Varia,
my second-in-command.

Xena, Gabrielle, Eva.

No strangers indeed.

Gabrielle...
You are an amazon queen yourself.

Xena, it's said
that you have the power to k*ll gods.

I hope that it's true.
We have one more for you.

Who?

Ares, the god of w*r.

In the time of ancient gods,...

...warlords...

...and kings...

...a land in turmoil
cried out for a hero.


She was Xena.

A mighty princess...

...forged in the heat of battle.

The power...

The passion...

The danger...

Her courage will change the world.

XENA, THE WARRIOR PRINCESS

Why would Ares
att*ck the amazons?

-'N why would he send for me?
-It makes no sense.

He knows you wouldn't fight them,
right?

I don't know what he knows.

Gabrielle, I'm gonna head back and check out
his army, find out how strong he is.

You talk to Marga.

Get all the information you can.

Right.

Lord...

Did you find
the amazon camp?

No, Lord Ares.

We were ambushed.

We had them defeated...
and then reinforcements showed up.

So you let a few amazons
stop you.

A few?

No. There were dozens of them, sir.
We need more men.

Bad answer.

No more excuses!
I want that village!

But, sir...

Why don't you use your powers
to blast them into oblivion?

Where's the fun in that?

Now, get moving.

I want those amazons
on their knees by the end of the day.

Go!

The great god of w*r
can't even hurt a fly.

Xena... You came.

Lucky for you.
That fly nearly hadja.

I'm calling in a favor.

I think you know
what I'm talking about.

Yeah.

So spit it out.
What do you want?

I want my godhood back.

Marga, why do you think that Ares
is attacking the amazons?

Well, we've always had
an uneasy rapport...

...but suddenly
he wants to wipe us out.

Is there something that you have
that could be of use to him?

It's a mystery.

All we have is our land.

But he's destroyed
most of it.

He's reduced us to living like bandits
in our own forest.

But he will never defeat us.

We will defend what's left...
to the death.

I don't do mortal at all well.

I'm more of a...
Now what is that word...

...God.

So you want
the amazons' ambrosia.

The do have it!
I knew it!

My sister Artemis came to me
in a dream from the other side.

She told me they got a secret stash.

Oh, they don't admit it to anybody,
but they got it.

They'll never give it up, Ares,
not to you.

And that is where you come in.
Oh, they trust you.

You go in,...
get the ambrosia.

No one has to go to w*r.

"No one has to go to w*r."

I'll pretend I didn't hear that.

I've got a better idea.

You give me control
of your army,...

...I go in and squish
that little amazon village...

...and after that getting the ambrosia
won't be a problem.

Besides,
I'm looking forward to a little w*r.

Xena...
You sound like your old self.

Oh, this is too easy.
What're you up to?

Do I have to be up
to something?

This greater good thing gets old,
right?

-Never tried it.
-Sure ya did.

Aren't you regretting giving up
your godhood?

...Having to depend on others
to do things for you?

...Bleeding
like a stuck pig?

-Well, now you mention it...
-...And to ask me for help?

Yeah... That sucked.

And all because you did a good deed.

Was it worth it?

Let me get back to you on that one.

What are you doing?

To think...
I actually saved your life.

Xena...

Gabrielle?

I thought you were watchin'
the amazons.

The amazons know what you want.
They're not giving it up.

Then we'll just have to take it from them.

Yeah.

They're weak.
It won't take much.

What happened to the peace-loving
blonde chick you used to be?

Ares...

That Gabrielle's
been gone a long time.

You and Xena showed me
that warriors rule the world...

...Not philosophers.

I could get used to this.
I could.

Come on! Order!

Keep it low!
Keep lower!

I can't place
where I've seen you before.

Maybe I have
a common look.

Yeah, right.

You showed some nice moves
when we were fighting earlier.

I was just trying to keep people
from getting hurt.

That's a strange thing to do
in the middle of a battle.

I don't fight.

You travel with those two
but you don't fight?

You fought before.

I could tell by the way you move.
You have experience.

Look...
I don't talk about my past.

All right.
Let's stick with the present.

There's not many of us left.

We need good fighters
for the battle ahead.

So either you can join us
in the fight against Ares...

No...
No. I can't do that.

Then you can fight me, now.

Come on.
Hit me.

I'm not looking for trouble.

I live for trouble.

Believe me...

You don't wanna make me angry.

Fear not, friend fly.

There is no dishonor in defeat...

...for I am the god of w*r!

Did you forget me so soon?

I didn't always take second place to Xena,
remember?

Well, well, well...

The chip off the old block.

Do I hear jealousy?

I should be leading your army.
Not her.

Get in line.

This just gets
better and better.

Say, what happened
to your new path?

I got over it. Those amazons
really rub me the wrong way.

So... When do we start?

I'll tell my commander
to prepare for an all-out as*ault.

I have got to get that ambrosia.

I will never get used
to walking everywhere.

Oh, and, Ares...
When we do get the ambrosia...

...why don't we split it
four ways?

We could create Olympus on Earth.

Four ways?

Nasty!

Sounds great.

You know, when I told my commanders
that I had sent for you,...

...they thought I was crazy.

Can you imagine?

Here I am, spinning brilliant...

...and those idiots think
I'm insane. What a joke!

If he's not insane...

...then I'm not a Fury.

Xena and Ares, one against the other.

One of them has to die.
Maybe both.

Then the olympians will be avenged...

...and the path will be clear
for us to rule mankind.

Attention!

Lord Ares! Lord Ares!

I finished it.

-What's that?
-My new armor.

Yes, Lord.

Well, what's it for?

Can't be too careful.
Know what I mean?

Beg pardon, my lord?

People might wonder
what the god of w*r needs with that.

You think?

Oh, no, sir. I try not to...

Yeah, she's right, ya know?

If people find about
your little problem...

-...might be trouble.
-Not so loud.

Beg your pardon, my lord...

Ya got a point there.

I have?
I thought I filed them all down.

Get rid of it, Ares.
Remember, you're invincible.

Yeah.

I changed my mind. Scrap it.

-But, sir, I... I...
-Did you hear me?

What does the god of w*r
need with armor?

Now, get lost!

Stay here. I'll get my sword.
We can start the att*ck.

I told you to get lost!

I thought I told you
to wait outside.

You haven't told us anything yet.

What's going on?

I am getting my sword
just like I told you.

"Ares, ditch the armor."
"Ares, what's going on?"

Honey, sweetie, I love you,
but you are suffocating me.

Now, get ready.

We're gonna roll right over those amazons
just like you said.

Ares, what are you talking about?

w*r, baby!

Come on...
You were hot for it before.

Ares, there's not going to be any w*r.

You are such a kidder...
No w*r...

Don't touch me!

He has lost his mind.

Maybe he had a push in that direction.

The Furies?

I'd bet on it.

What took you so long?

We were getting antsy.

-I thought...
-Don't think.

-It's time to fight.
-Death to the amazons.

Now you're talkin'...

Death to the amazons!

Ares!

Come on, get moving!

Ares...

Come on, Ares!

Give the order.
Let's go k*ll them all!

Let's go. Let's k*ll them all!

Yeah!

Let's walk.

It's the Furies, all right.

We've got no time to lose.
Let's go.

There.

Let's head 'em off
at the pass.

Avalanche!

It's not gonna hold 'em for long.

I need
Tyrus, Nikos, Maximus and Dryus.

Over there.
Start clearing those rocks.

Let's get back to the amazon village,...
warn 'em.

How is she?

Kayla, sister.

-You all right?
-Yeah.

You took care 'a my sister amazons
before you took care 'a yourself.

Thank you.

My wound was a small one.

That old scar's
a bad one.

Take a look at this.

A roman short sword.

The man who did it...
d*ed before he had time to wipe his blade.

Gaelic spear.

The man who did it,...

...his entire regiment, his village
and two neighboring villages...

...destroyed before the sun went down.

I was right...
You were a serious warrior.

Don't you miss it?

I mean, the knot in your stomach
as you prepare for w*r?

The quiet after a tough battle?

Yeah.

Victory snatched
from the jaws of defeat?

Death so close...
then suddenly driven away?

No.
I don't miss it.

Will you teach me some moves?

-Will you use them to hurt others?
-For defense, only.

Ok.

Very good.
You're a natural.

Thanks.

Come on, show me another one.

No, I can't.

Admit you enjoyed
teaching me that.

It was all right.

Then one more...
Your best move.

Ok.

Say you're being charged
by two lines of infantry...

...and you don't have the angle
to flip over them.

You do this.

See? That'll putchou right...

I've only seen one warrior
do that move.

I knew I recognized you
from someplace.

You're Livia, the bitch of Rome.

-Flay her alive!
-It's time to die, bitch!

-What now?
-Maybe they're getting their spirits up.

Hold it!

Get out of here!
Cut her free!

Can't do that, Xena.

You take on Eve,
you take on me.

Good. It was you
who brought her into our village.

They know who I am, Mother.

We don't have time for this.

Ares' army is advancing.
You're completely outnumbered.

So if you wanna save what's left
of the amazon nation, you'll flee now.

Your daughter, Xena?

She is the reason...
we are so few in numbers.

Her army
att*cked us at night...

...and many of our best warriors
were k*lled.

-They were the lucky ones.
-Lucky to die?

Eve...

The amazons I captured...
I sold into sl*very.

Now she must pay.

Our law says
Eve must die.

I can't let
that happen, Marga.

Are you challenging me?

If it comes to that,
I am challenging you.

That roman did save my life...

...and we do need Xena.

We'll wait until after this is resolved
before we deal with her.

Get out of the way.

After what she did to our sisters?
She deserves...

Varia!

Obey me!

Take her to the hut, and bind her!
Now!

Mommy won't save you this time.

If that's my destiny,
so be it.

That sword had better be
for Ares' men.

What Eve did to your people
is unforgivable...


...but she is my daughter.

And if anything happens to her while she's
in your custody, you'll have me to deal with.

And trust me...

You ain't ready for that.

Eve...

Eve, sweetheart,
why didn't you tell us?

I couldn't.

I know how much the amazons
mean to both of you.

Did you think
we would love you less?

What I did was unforgivable.
You said so yourself.

If only they knew
how sorry I am.

I know how hard it is to say you're sorry...

...especially to someone
you love.

Gabrielle, when I hit you
with my chakram...

Xena, it wasn't your fault.

It was the Furies.

They drove me
to try to k*ll your daughter.

I've forgiven you.

You should, too.

-I nearly lost you.
-But you didn't...

...and now the Furies
are back.

Only this time.

We've gotta take 'em out.

Faster!

Come on, come on, come on.
Come on!

Faster!

Come on, come on, come on.

What's the matter?
Can't get your rocks off?

-What?
-It's embarrassing.

What?

I don't think you deserve
to be a god, Ares.

Xena, you don't mean that.

Oh, but I do.

I do.
You see, you're a pathetic mortal...

...who couldn't think his way out
of a papyrus sack.

No. No, see,
you can't talk that way to me anymore...

...because if it wasn't for me...

...your little friend
and your crazed brat'd be dead!

Wow, that's almost as pitiful
as when you told me you loved me.

We had a good laugh about that one.

-I'll k*ll you.
-k*ll me?

You were barely a match for me
when you were a god.

What are you lookin' at?
Don't look at me!

What are you lookin' at?

Do not look at me!

Ares...

You!

I knew I should never have trusted you.

Ares, it's the Furies.
The Furies! Do ya hear me?

-They're driving you insane.
-No, it is you...

...who are driving me insane!

Come on, Ares. Think about it.
You were a god!

You know how the Furies work.
Fight them, Ares. Fight them.

You don't bring me flowers anymore.
No, you hate me.

You have always hated me!

I tried to give you Olympus.

I tried to give you everything!

But you stabbed me in the back.

We just didn't want the same things.

Liar!

You want it.

You want the power... but you're
too much of a coward to admit it.

You took it all.
You betrayed me.

Laugh, come on...
But you're not gonna live to enjoy it.

You're gonna die, Xena!

You and those amazons!

...And anyone
who gets in my way!

'Cause I will k*ll you!

I will k*ll you all!

To the death.

What's going on?

Wait.
Marga!

Your warriors can't b*at
Ares' army.

You have to go now.
Leave 'em to me.

If we leave, we are nothing.

We are nothing.

Without our land
we are no longer amazons.

You don't understand. Ares is insane.
It's a fight you can't win.

-You have to listen to me.
-No!

Xena, you have no authority here.

You brought our mortal enemy
to our village.

We don't trust you.

-Amazons! Let's fight!
-Yeah!

Xena, they're lambs to the slaughter.

Not if I can help it.

You b*rned our forests!
You m*rder*d our sisters!

No more.
We won't take another backward step.

You'll have to k*ll every last one of us.

And what'll I do the rest of the afternoon?

Now you know what I want,
woman.

If you give it to me,
I might think about bein' nice.

All right, Ares...
This is between you and me.

Yeah, yeah, Xena. Take a number.
I'll get to you.

What's the matter, god 'a w*r?
You afraid of a girl?

You're kiddin', right?

You're soft...

...like all the olympians.

You know, I k*lled all the others, Ares,...

...but maybe I stopped
too soon.

-She can't say those things.
-It's her fault, Ares. k*ll her.

Yeah, k*ll her!

-Shut up.
-k*ll her!

Shut up!

-Shut up!
-k*ll her!

Get away from me!

You're losing it!

Oh, and, Ares...
Gods don't bleed.

Care to explain that
to your loyal troops?

I'll tear you apart
with my bare hands!

Damn!

Retreat!

Right behind ya, Xena!

That's right, baby! I'm still here!
Come on!

Varia?

It's me.

We need your help.

We don't have much time.
Grab these.

Come on.

Hey, Xena! Where're ya goin?
I got som'in' for ya!

Are you ready to die, Xena?

Been there, done that.

I tried, ya know?
Real hard.

And you know what?

I'm all tried out.

So, what am I saying here?
I guess I'm sayin...

...it's over.

k*ll her.

Does this give you pleasure?

Do you like this?

You're like a snake!

You're like... You're like
one of those three-headed dogs!

You're mean!
If I could open you up...

...I would show people
the mean inside you!

And I will! I will!

Yeah!

Yeah!

You are makin' this way too easy.

-I'll try harder.
-Oh, would you?

You might be mortal, Ares,...

...but you will never be a man.

k*ll her. k*ll her.

You like that?

Speak up!
I can't hear you!

Xena!

Where are you?

Don't hide from me.

Oh, there you are.

So beautiful...

Ares!

I can't hear you.

You tried to fool me...

Me, the god of w*r.

Well, that is what you get, Xena.

That is what you get.

You were right!
I am not a man! I am THE man! Xena!

You just k*lled your beloved, Ares.
How does it feel?

We have avenged the death of the olympians.

Now the Furies will rule
in their place.

Xena!

I loved you, Xena.

Ares!

I k*lled her.

No, you didn't. Not yet.
We just have to get her warm.

Her body drowned in cold water.
Her organs are still alive.

Xena...

Just keep her warm.
Breath.

-Come on.
-We just have to get her breathing. Xena?

-Come on.
-Wake up.

-You can do it, you know?
-Xena...

Come on...
Please.

That's it.

Yeah, you did it.

Good plan.

Mortality stinks...

...not to mention hurts.

Yeah, it does sometimes.

You have got a wicked right jab.

Sorry about that.

It's not the end of the world.

Who knows...

Maybe as a mortal I can experience
something I never could as a god.

Like what?

Like you.

You never give up, do you?

I guess I'm finally
gettin' to ya.

You always got to me...

...but you were bad for me, Ares.

You still are.

Xena...

Is there even a chance
we could be together one day?

I don't know, maybe, you know...

One in a thousand?

More like one in a billion.

So you're sayin'
there is a chance.

I gotta stop tryin' that.
I'm gonna rupture something.
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