01x06 - Bullies

[bunniefuu]

(radio static whirs)

(engine idling)

(window gears roll down)

(idling continues)

(monitor beeping)

(monitor flatlines)

Scalpel, please.

In through the first layer

Can I have a clamp, please?
Got a bleeder.

Clamp?
I'm gonna go in with my hand.

Cloth. Okay.
Scalpel.

(monitor flatlines)

(mellow music)

♪ ♪

(doorbell buzzes)

Hey!

What is your problem, dude?

Oh, sorry.

Sorry, man.

Sorry. My fault.

(mumbles)

♪ ♪

What's your problem?

♪ ♪

(person sighs)

Dude...

♪ ♪

(sighs)

♪ ♪

(clears throat)

Are you just gonna stand there?

Yeah, what's your problem?

My problem?

As far back as I can remember,

I've wanted to stop being
so g*dd*mn sensitive.

(woman vocalizes)

(energetic music)

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

(woman vocalizing)

The first time I knew
something was wrong with me,

it was a sleepover
at Billy Lee's house.

I was eight years old.

Come on, please.

We were arguing
over which movie to watch.

Outstanding.

Oh, Jerome, no!

I am not watching
Titanic again.

(sighs)
Okay, fine.

I brought two other ones.

Let me see.

We're gonna take a vote.

Who wants to watch
Bridget Jones' Diarrhea?

That's not what it--

Zero votes.

Who wants to watch

How Stella Gets
Her Boobs Back?

It's "groove back,"

not "boobs back."

And it's very empowering.

Guess that's one vote
for no boobs.

Okay, now who wants to watch

Nightmare of Death :
Another Hell Dream,

rated R?

I wanted to watch
people fall in love.

Billy and the others

wanted to watch them
get stabbed to death.

As I got older,

kids went from seeing me
as a curiosity

to seeing me
as an easy target.

- He's so screwed.
- (laughs)

What's up, Jerms?

I said, "What's up, Jerms?"

Dan was one
of the most feared guys

in the whole school.

(laughs)

What you got there, Jerms?

Oh, nothing,
just some art supplies.

What are you gonna do with
those fart supplies, Jerms?

(laughter)

Uh, not--yeah, they're
for my decoupage project.

Your "gay coupons" project?

(laughter)

(laughs mockingly)
Yeah.

Okay, well, you know,
I should probably get going.

Mm.

I don't think so.

Hey! Whoa!
Hey! Give--

- Whoa!
- (laughter)

What do we have here?

Dan, this is not funny.

Those are my acrylics!

You know how much
those cost my mom?

I was treated like I was weak
because I was weak.

I let it happen
because I deserved it.

(haunting organ music)

But somewhere
in the back of my mind,

I knew it had to stop.

(slowed)
Not the vase!

♪ ♪

(mellow music)

People--people say
all the time,

"What's wrong with Dad?

"He seems like
he's hiding something.

Why won't Dad let go?"

Oh, masculinity.

Little thing
called masculinity.

What's--what's the word
that I can find--

"Mask."

Mask-ulinity.

The answer is...

(stutters)
Embedded in the word.

And you wonder
why Dad can't cry.

(musical reverberation)

(squelching)

(indistinct chatter)

That's really good.

Thanks.

It's perfect.

(stammers)

Oh, can you just humor me

and just make...

that just
a tiny bit bigger?

Yeah, sure.

We got that meeting
at : it looks like.

Mm-hmm.

- You liking that?
- Yeah.

She said "refreshing,"
specifically.

Eh, I'm worried about that.

Right.
Maybe try an indigo.

Okay, yeah.

Ah--
(sighs)

Try lowering the opacity.

Yeah.

Mm, no, too much, sweetheart.

Hey, just talked to Jen.

She said she wants vibrant.

- She said "refreshing."
- Oh, okay.

(whispering)
We regroup at : .

- I know.
- She knows.

What--what if it's
an ultramarine?

Could you just shrink
the logo by %?

- (keys clacking)
- Feels more like %.

Yeah. Nudge it to the left.

Left, left, left,
left, left, left.

Stop.

Excuse me.
To the right.

How about an ultramarine?

- Good idea.
- Yeah, ultramarine.

Uh-huh.

- No.
- That's not working.

- Actually, knock out the logo.
- We need that logo.

- Try adding a thicker border.
- PNG or...

- You guys try Gotham?
- Flip it.

- Just a hair.
- Flip the image, honey.

- Some other option.
- No.

- Honey, flip it back.
- (overlapping chatter)

It's a social media handle.

(upbeat music)

(chanting)
Deep-sea predators!

Deep-sea predators!

Yes, let me hear it.
Deep-sea predators!

Listen, the problem
with our society

is that it's a society
of conformists.

These are people
that expect you to stay

at the bottom of the food
chain, wag your little tail...

- (laughter)
- And swim away

when the bigger guys show up.

You know what I say?

I saw screw that!

Because there
are no microorganisms.

Excuse me. Sorry.
Excuse me. Sorry.

There are only
micro-attitudes.

You know, people come
to me all the time,

and they say, "Thanks
to the top food chain method,"

"I'm eating organisms
twice my size,

and I maybe have lost weight."

(cheers and applause)

Oh, okay, I see some new faces
in the crowd tonight.

Uh, yeah, you in the back with
the yellow, uh, inner organs...

- What? Me?
- What's your name?

- Where you from, man?
- Oh, uh, I-I'm Anton.

I'm from the other side
of that bit of kelp over there.

All right, well,
let's make some noise

for Anton from the other side
of the kelp.

Come on, everybody,
give him a hand.

- Get him up here.
- (laughs) Okay.

- Thank you.
- Talk to me, man.

What are you doing here?
Why are you here?

Uh, well, I want to become
a better writer.

Sometimes people even laugh
at me at the poetry clubs,

and I-I really think--

I imagine that's not
the response you want...

- N-no.
- At the club.

Yeah, no, no.

And so what you are telling me

is that you actually need to
gain respect from your peers.

Yeah, yeah, I suppose.

Respect, my friend,
is all about who is dominant

in the current situation.

And I think you already know
what you should do.

U-uh...

'Cause you're gonna eat
all those other poets.

(cheers and applause)

- Wait. What?
- Listen, Anton.

Do you want to be
on the bottom,

or do you want to be
on the top, my friend?

- (stammers)
- I am serious.

You could go back
to your sh*t life

and be
some bottom-feeding loser

from the other side
of the kelp,

but I have a feeling
you're here

because you're
the kind of organism

that strives
for greatness.

Am I wrong?

No, I want to be the best.
I really do.

Look at me
and say it after me!

- Huh!
- Huh.

- Louder. Huh!
- Huh!

Look at this guy!
Isn't he a deep-sea predator?

Say "I'm going to eat
those other poets."

I--uh...

Leave the weakness
behind, Anton!

Okay, I'm going to eat
the other poets!

I said, "Hell, yes!"

You have witnessed the birth
of a predator, people!

Okay, wow.

Whoo!

I'm gonna eat them.

- (crowd chanting)
- Yeah.

(bell dings)

(suspenseful note)

(breathes deeply)

You might think
I'm about to tell you

how I finally learned
to stand up to my bully,

but, no.

I was too much
of a p*ssy for that.

If I was gonna stop Dan
from tormenting me,

I would have to use
the only thing I understood...

emotions.

♪ ♪

(g*n clicks)

♪ ♪

Dear Dan,
on numerous occasions,

you've demonstrated
that you have vast reserves

of passion and commitment.

These are admirable qualities.

Unfortunately, until now,

those qualities
have only been directed

toward my humiliation
and t*rture.

You're a smart guy.

I bet if you looked around,

you could easily find
a more constructive outlet

for your considerable talents.

Everybody gets sad sometimes.

That's part of what it means
to be a human being.

When I'm sad,
I like to have a good cry.

Try it.

You might find it's more
effective than punching me.

Your friend, Jerome.

♪ ♪

Nobody's ever said
anything nice about me before.

From now on,
we're best friends.

♪ ♪

That was it.

No more beatings,
no more wedgies.

In fact, no more bullying
of any kind.

Don't get me wrong.
Dan still has his problems.

His inner bully would still
come out from time to time.

Now that I think about it,

he's still a little bit
of a d*ck, even now.

But for the most part,
he was changing.

And I was changing.

It was a glorious time.

(mellow tones)

(alarm bell ringing,
siren wailing)

(indistinct shouting,
horn blares)

Everybody down!

Listen up!
Listen up!

Let's hit those front
and rear exits, stat!

You got it, Cap!

All right, let's cut
the juice first, though.

That's a better idea.
Rock and roll.

Yeah, good--good idea.

(ringing stops)

(indistinct chatter
over radio)

Hey, Cap.
Sorry about that juice thing.

I just figured that's protocol.

Forget about it.
We're in a fire right now.

O'Neill, I just secured
three civilians.

(both scream)

(truck door closes)

Hey, Cap, what's the matter?

Yeah, can I talk to you
for a sec?

Now's not really
a good time.

You're right.
Go deal with your fire.

(indistinct chatter over radio)

Now I have two fires
to put out, don't I?

What, are you guys
on a f*cking date?

We got a fire over here.

Hey, Cap, if you're not gonna
use that a*, can I have it?

- You want this a*?
- Yeah.

Jesus.

What the hell is eating you?

Why didn't you invite me
to Kate's party?

(sighs)
You don't even like karaoke.

- I bought her a gift.
- Well, then return it.

You know what?

I'm done.

- Oh, Jesus, Cap.
- This is my last fire.

What's going on? We're getting
our asses kicked over here.

He just needs a minute,
all right?

(sighs)
Oh, my G--

Classic Chad.

- What did you say, rookie?
- Classic Chad.

That sounds
like insubordination.

You sound like
a f*cking bitch!

Would you
just knock it off?

What is this,
a pissing contest?

I want to know
what it means, O'Neill.

- What's Classic Chad?
- Nothing.

Tom...

it's not nothing.

It means
you're a f*cking drama queen.

So old Cap's
a drama queen, huh?

(scoffs)
Exhibit A.

(exhales sharply)

You guys want to see
some drama?

- I'll show you some drama.
- Cap, what are you doing?

Cap, the roof's
about to cave in!

Hey, you're gonna die
in there!

- Then call a priest!
- (flames roar)

(door slams)

- No!
- O'Neill!

O'Neill, just leave him!

Just leave him!
He's gonna get us all k*lled!

- He's my dad!
- Ah!

- (flames roar)
- O'Neill!

O'Neill!

Ah!

God damn it!

(shouting)

All right,
I need everyone in here!

Captain and O'Neill
just went in there!

- We got to get them out!
- Come on!

- Let's move!
- Let's get in there!

- Go, go, go!
- Let's go!

Everyone! Let's move!

(door slams)

(flames crackling)

(flames roaring)

(mellow tones)

(doorbell ringing)

You're having some trouble
with your computer?

Yeah, so,
whenever I turn it on,

it just seems like the fan--

Yeah, I'm looking
through this now.

You have lots of pictures.

Yeah, that's not the thing
I was--

- Is this--are you a hiker?
- Yeah.

That's what it looks like
from these pictures,

- that you like to hike.
- Yeah, you know, uh...

When you work -
in an office...

- You know, I like to hike?
- Yeah?

Yeah, my five-year plan is
to be hiking seven days a week.

What's the end
of your five-year plan?

Do you see yourself married?

I don't know, I've been more,
like, career-focused.

Well, that's fair.

- Are you married?
- Yep.

Well, actually,
ask me that again.

Are you m--
Are you married?

Nope.
I'm not married.

So if you wanna go
on a hike sometime...

You're for sure--
You're not married?

Hm.

It's just that the first time
I asked,

you said you were.

Huh.

(phone rings)

Cake.

- (whistling)
- (gasps)

(whistling)

What?
What do you see?

- You see something?
- (whistling)

Come on now.
Here we go, another bite.

(munches)

- (whistling)
- (groans, munching)

(munching)

(groaning)

(upbeat music)

(traffic noises)

By my mid s, I was working
as an app developer.

I learned pretty quickly.

Coding may not involve
emotions,

but working
with other people--

well, that was something
different entirely.

...are working on what you sent
that email about--

Load time is sh*t.
Thoughts?

Did you run an analysis
on the database--

I have lots of ideas.

I just couldn't seem
to get them out of my mouth.

What if people didn't like
what I had to say?

What if I was dead wrong?

Okay, guys,
it's been three weeks.

I just got off the phone
with the client,

and they're threatening
to hire another dev team

if we don't make progress.

Come on, guys,
I can't do this alone.

Um...

Jerome...

do you feel like you might know
what's going on here?

Um...

"Feel"? "Feel"?

Now, I may not be able
to articulate my ideas,

but if there's one thing
I know how to do,

it's talk about my feelings.

Uh, uh, okay.

Um...

(chair scrapes)

Well, um...

(inhales shakily)

Yeah, so I feel...

I feel deep in my soul
that we should really rethink

how we're storing
our session data.

Uh, maybe--maybe if we move--

After I learned that work
was just another thing

I had
really strong feelings about,

office life changed
pretty quickly.

I feel like
I deserve a raise.

How much a raise?

Um, I'm feeling like %.

%?
That's...

That's a little high,
don't you think?

Well, commensurate
to the amount of clients

I've maintained and--

You gonna order something?

What?

You going to order something?

(doorbell chimes)

I said, "Are you gonna order
something?"

Come on, man.

Where am I?

Hello?

Earth to fuckface.

Huh?

You've been standing there
for five minutes.

Why is this man
talking to me?

What's your problem?

What's my problem?

(indistinct annoyed chatter)

What--what's my problem?

I don't know
what my problem is, okay?

Look, I mean...

Uh, all right, so I-I made
my bully my best friend.

You know, I have
complete confidence at work.

But, no, you know what?

No, no, these are
mere life hacks.

No, th--th--

You know it.

I know it.

I'm a complete f*cking weenie,
you know?

Yeah, yeah, he even agrees.

He doesn't--
he just met me.

Look--I mean, okay,
so what do I do?

I have to--I have to--
I have to roll up my sleeves...

Don't care.

Take some time
and take a good look

at the underlying issues here.

I mean, I'm talking about a
whole, complete paradigm shift.

I'm talking
about a new outlook.

I'm talking
about a brand-new attitude.

Why don't you
just skip all that

and change
your attitude right now?

I can do that?

- Hello?
- Yep.

Unbelievable.
Tell him to go.

See?

I guess he doesn't want
our business.

This guy gets it.

This guy f*cking gets it.

I mean, I knew
there was a reason

I blacked out three hours ago

and walked in here
in a semi-fugue state.

Thank you!

Take it to the side,
dude, like...

(indistinct chatter)

(doorbell chimes)

It's New Year's Eve, baby!

And the new Jerome
is about to drop right now!

(dynamic music)

f*ck you!

♪ ♪

♪ Go away ♪

♪ For a day ♪

♪ I will find you ♪

(upbeat music)

♪ ♪

-(clear music)
- ♪ Yes ♪