Ahh, ahh, ahh.
Mmm, ahh, oh, oh, oh oh.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
oh, oh, oh, ahh,
ooh, ooh, ow, ooh, ooh, ooh.
Ooh. Ah. Ahhhh.
(receipt printing)
(upbeat ethereal music)
♪ ♪
(light guitar music)
♪ ♪
Whoa, chocolate with walnuts.
Is that--oh, my God.
That's sea salt.
Yeah.
I'm gonna--I--
Am I just eating something
just to eat?
(sighs)
I wonder how many calories--
no, I ate an hour ago.
(sighs)
Forget it.
Well, maybe there's something
else I could get that's,
like, less...
(sighs)
like, a lot less...
no, if I'm not here
to get this thing I want,
then why would I get,
like, some other thing?
So I feel all sorry
for myself.
f*ck. Whatever.
If I can't have it,
I won't have anything.
I deserve to get something.
Okay, it's like,
"What the f*ck am I"--
okay. who the f*ck cares
if I gain weight?
I don't care.
I could post a picture of it.
Then I'm kind of k*lling
two birds with one--no.
Why would I do that?
(scoffs) Why can't I f*cking
indulge once in a while?
I am on this Earth to live.
It's not just, like,
self-discipline,
Western f*cking culture
getting in the way
of everything.
It's...uh, eh, yeah.
It's amazing I was even born,
that I'm on this planet
right now
in this moment.
It is a...
f*cking miracle.
It's Saturday.
Um, hi.
Excuse me.
How much is this cookie
right here?
- It's $ .
- Oh, it--okay, thank you.
Oh, excuse me
$ for a cookie.
Who the hell would pay $
for a cookie?
Hi. Can I get a large
cappuccino to go, please?
♪ ♪
(hip-hop music)
It's New Year's Eve, baby!
And a new Jerome
is about to drop right now!
Tonight is the night!
No more lies,
no more big romantic speeches.
No more f*ck ups.
No more online dating.
No more stupid
self-help bullshit.
- Bye-bye, bullshit.
- Bye-bye.
Tonight I'm just Jerome.
No,
I'm better than Jerome.
I'm the new Jerome.
- Jerome reloaded.
- Exactly.
Yeah, I'm gonna be
confident,
smooth, funny, emotional,
but not too emotional.
- The perfect balance.
- Yeah, you know,
a man with strong boundaries
but a compassionate
immigration policy.
No more tricks,
no more schemes.
Just me,
Jerome Nicholas Nolte.
Cool. So what's the plan?
Well, first I'll meet
a girl--no, a woman.
- Upgrade.
- Yeah.
I'll just be myself.
I'll be real. I'll be open.
Open that sh*t up.
Yeah and then I'll take her
in my arms when the clock's
about to strike midnight and
give her the first
in a long, beautiful lifetime
of consensual kisses.
Now, this is the beginning,
my friend.
And don't believe
for a second--
Dude, it's : .
- What?
(upbeat electronic music)
♪ ♪
Oh. Hi.
- Holler at you later.
- 'Sup, boy. How you doin'?
Oh, hi.
Hey.
Cheers.
Cheers, baby.
Yeah, get in here.
Come on.
That's it.
All right, ,
here we come.
One minute left.
- I--I need more time.
I need more time.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
♪ ♪
♪ Let's not waste
no time tonight ♪
♪ Let's get things lit,
do it right ♪
♪ Let's not waste
no time tonight ♪
Hey, hey, hey, f*ck this guy.
Oh, I'm so--I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry.
(dramatic music)
♪ ♪
- seconds.
Are you ready?
(cheers)
Bro, come on.
♪ ♪
Ten.
Nine. Eight.
Seven.
Six. Five.
Four. Three.
Two. One.
(sobbing)
(cheers)
♪ ♪
(sobbing)
Oh, Jerome, no.
(ethereal music)
(spacey music)
(squeaks)
(gasping)
(alarm blaring)
Ahh!
(humming)
(spacey electronic music)
♪ ♪
So I was at the poetry club,
but after I--
I read my poem,
everybody just laughed at me,
you know?
The worst thing of all,
Grace was there.
Oh.
I mean,
that was just so devastating.
So I just started crying there.
in front of everyone
I just, like--
You've got to stop--stop taking
so much from people.
It's just not--this is why
we're at the bottom
of the food chain.
We've got to start
being more like Todd.
- What?
- Todd Vicious.
Look, look. Todd Vicious.
That's Todd Vicious.
- Holy sh*t.
- He doesn't--
he doesn't go to poetry club
and cry over Grace.
- I guess not.
- He just eat--
he just swarms around
eating everything.
You wanna hear my poem
that I wrote?
Yeah, go on then.
Grace, in my heart,
you have a place,
a place called the club.
♪ Holler if you know
what's up dog ♪
♪ Yeah you better get down
on the dance floor ♪
♪ Yeah shake that booty baby
uh ♪
♪ Shake that booty
baby girl ♪
♪ Oh yeah ♪
So it had--like,
it's kind of like
an R&B influence there
in the end of the poem.
- Yeah, you're gonna die alone.
- (laughs)
(ethereal music)
(hip-hop music)
Oh. Oh, I'm so sorry.
I didn't--sorry.
- Oh.
- So sorry.
I didn't--sorry.
♪ ♪
♪ Nah she doesn't need you ♪
Don't I, uh--
don't I know you?
Paige?
I'm sorry.
I've forgotten your name.
Your memory's better than mine.
No, um, Jerome.
I--I--I went on a date with you
a few months ago.
Oh. You're that guy.
♪ My name and
I'm never switching lanes ♪
Yup.
You look different.
Oh, no. Well, yeah.
I was just
trying something new.
I didn't mean--yeah,
I--I don't know.
I'm sorry. Ohh.
What--what are you
apologizing for?
I don't know.
Do you--do you wanna
talk about it?
I don't know.
I just get attached
way too easily,
way too easily,
and then I scare people away.
I scare people away,
and then I--I get clingy.
I get jealous.
And I don't--like, do you wanna
hear something really stupid?
- Always.
- Okay.
So I was gonna come into this
party and pretend to be
somebody totally different.
I--I do this sort of thing
all the time.
I try to pump myself up,
and I try to pretend
like I'm confident,
like I'm smooth,
like I'm tough, and--
- Ah, hence our date,
Mr. Terminator.
- Yeah.
- (laughs)
No. I don't know.
I feel like I'm trying my best.
I feel like I'm trying
a million different things,
and it's not working at all.
It never works,
and I don't--I don't--
I don't know what to do.
You're sensitive.
Over-sensitive.
Well, it's better
than the opposite.
Oh, yeah. How do you mean?
Okay, so you scare people away.
I push 'em away.
Uh-uh.
And I work all the time.
I mean,
I've had relationships end,
because I've literally
forgotten I was in them.
- Really?
- (laughs)
♪ Want to kiss
on your body ♪
I wasn't kissing anyone
at midnight either, you know?
I was actually in the room
over there
just having a little moment
to myself.
Nine. Eight. Seven.
Six. Five. Four.
Three. Two. One.
I hate that part
about New Year's.
You get all sweaty and nervous,
and you end up snogging
some stranger
whose name
you'll never remember.
Gross.
- I guess it is kind of gross.
I never thought of it
like that.
That's a really astute
observation.
Thank you.
Every card I'm shufflin'.
Okay, but--all right, no.
Okay, you're gonna pick a card,
any card.
All right, ready?
This is a very important
magic trick.
Okay. Ready? Go ahead.
All right. Not you.
Your friend.
I don't care about you.
Okay. All right. Cool.
Pick one.
All right, ready? Go ahead.
Pick. No. Not you.
The cute one. Go ahead.
No. I said "the cute one."
No. I'm just kidding.
Go ahead and pick.
Okay, great.
And don't let me see.
♪ Every time I say
I want you want you ♪
- Do you need me
to put the card
back in the deck or something?
Um...no.
♪ ♪
What I need is that.
Hey.
Where are you going?
I was just one neg away
from f*cking you.
♪ ♪
(laughing)
With the cool group.
- He did not.
- Yes, he did.
It was disgusting.
But I mean, at least we got
a verdict, so...
Oh, God.
Well, hey, I'm really glad
I have a new lawyer friend now
in case I ever get arrested.
Why? Are there some
nefarious activities
I should know about?
- Ah, well, there's a very
good chance I could drown
everyone at this party
with my own tears.
If they can't
prove intent,
you're out in months, mate.
Okay, the way we
designed it is,
you snooze once,
that's fine.
You snooze again,
it sends one random photo
to one random contact
in your library.
Yeah,
and then you snooze again,
it sends two random photos
to two random contacts,
and blah, blah, blah, blah,
blah, and so on and so on.
Ooh, boy, that's dangerous.
Yeah, kind of.
Yeah, we're thinking about
calling it, uh, "Wake Mail."
You know, kind of like
"blackmail" but "Wake Mail."
That's a sh*t name, but the app
itself is a good idea.
Hey. Thanks.
Yeah, it's still in beta.
But I think we're,
uh--
- Just hold on a second.
- What are you doing?
- Hold on.
- Look, if there's some...
I have set your phone
to Central Time.
Okay.
It's almost midnight
in Tulsa, Oklahoma.
Oh. Okay. Um.
- Ten. Nine.
- I don't get it.
Do you have family in Tulsa,
Oklahoma?
- Eight. Seven.
- Why are you counting?
Are you trying
to hypnotize me?
- Six. Five.
I should let you know
I don't do very well with that,
so maybe I should call someone.
Three. Two.
♪ ♪
♪ She can be
whatever she wants ♪
(gasp)
(funky music)
(siren wailing)
♪ ♪
(loud thump)
♪ Ambu-ambulance ♪
♪ Ambulance ♪
(sirens wailing)
(ethereal music)
(ethereal music)
(camera shutter clicks)
(birds chirping)
Did you see that
little coffee shop over there?
Yeah, I did.
It was adorable.
- Hi.
- Really cute.
- Oh, hi, there.
- Hi.
- I'm Alice.
- Alice, nice to meet you.
- Ian.
- Hi.
Christina.
Thank you for seeing us
on such short notice.
Oh, my gosh.
No problem at all.
Uh, did you guys get a chance
to check out the neighborhood?
Oh, yeah, no, it's
funky, and I like it.
- Yeah.
- Very eclectic.
It has a lot of character,
and it's in
a great school district.
- Oh, nice.
- Oh, wonderful.
Did I see a little
dog park over there?
Yeah, there is a
little dog park.
Oh, adorable.
Well, why don't I show
you into the unit?
Yeah. Let's go.
I think you're gonna
love it; it's very special.
- Oh, my God.
- Ooh.
Look at these
hardwood floors.
- Oh, my gosh.
- Yes, you know,
these are the original
hardwood floors,
and we found
them underneath carpet.
- No, you didn't.
- Ew.
Yes, we did.
It happens all the time.
Who does that?
It's so tacky.
It's not my thing.
This is the sunroom.
- Ooh.
- Ohh.
But you could use it
as an office or a playroom.
Sort of a...
Ooh, a playroom.
- Playroom.
- (laughs)
Are you guys expecting?
- No, we're trying.
- Trying to expect.
We're planning.
Planning on planning.
Wonderful. I love that.
Okay. Did I mention
it is a / bath?
Oh. That's, like,
pretty much three bathrooms.
No, it's not a problem.
All right,
moving right along.
- Oh, my God.
- Oh. Holy cow.
Wow.
The light in here
is amazing.
- I know.
- This is unbelievable.
It gets beautiful
natural light.
Oh, my--and this is
westward-facing?
Yeah, it's west-facing.
You can see that.
I love a sunset.
Good eye,
and this is all new
stainless steel appliances.
Oh, my gosh, brand-new.
Listen, I'll take original
hardwood floors
but not original...
Appliances.
(laughter)
No, thank you.
Why don't I show you
the master bedroom?
You're really gonna love it.
Oh, wonderful.
Sir. Sir. Sir.
Sir, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, okay?
This is an active crime scene.
I need you to stay here.
(camera shutter clicks)
(laughter)
I know.
I need a good bathtub as well
- I know.
- It's very important.
It's, like,
bigger from the inside
- than it is from the outside.
- I know.
The place just keeps going
and going and going.
It's surprisingly spacious,
and it's all in the details,
you know?
Like that half-moon window.
Oh, gorgeous.
Kind of checks
all of our boxes.
Yes, this is everything
we are looking for.
Great.
It feels like,
uh, like a home.
It could be a home.
Well, you know what?
No rush.
No pressure. Take a few nights
to sleep on it.
- Just, like, one--just, like,
one or two nights.
- Yeah.
- We want it.
Do you have my contact
information?
- We want it.
- Yeah, you know what?
In case you forgot,
here's another card.
- Oh, thank you so much.
- Thank you.
It was so lovely
to meet you.
It was so lovely meeting you.
- Alice, it was a pleasure.
- Yeah, nice to meet.
- Thank you so much.
- And you know what?
There is a really great coffee
shop right down the street.
We saw that. We saw that.
We're gonna check it out.
- Try it out.
- Wonderful.
- Thanks, Alice.
- All right, well,
- have a great day.
- Thank you.
- Bye.
- Take care.
Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow,
wow, wow, wow, wow.
It's so cute.
(camera shutter clicks)
Thanks, guys.
That was great.
- Oh.
- Oh.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Great.
- Nice work.
- Thanks.
- I'm gonna get coffee.
- See ya, Bill.
- Good night.
- Take care.
- See you at home.
- See you at home.
(ethereal music)
♪ ♪
(gloomy music)
Tree secrets.
I sing in the shower.
I do it every day.
(laughs)
I feel like I sound
pretty good.
I get a little funky in there,
let it loose,
let it rip a little bit,
and then I zip it up,
not singing for me
the rest of the day.
(ethereal music)
(ethereal music)
(cables stretching)
(hip-hop music)
Jerome.
Oh. Oh, my God. Am I dead?
Are you okay?
What happened?
I, uh, I kissed you.
That's what happened.
Wait. Why?
What do you mean, "Why?"
Oh.
I told you everything
that was wrong with me.
Why would you wanna kiss me?
What are you talking about?
There's nothing wrong
with you, Jerome.
- There isn't?
Well, nothing major.
I'd kiss you again,
but I don't want to cause
any more head trauma.
Do you want to dance?
Yeah.
(upbeat electronic music)
♪ ♪
(vocalizing)
♪ ♪
(vocalizing)
, b*tches!
Ten.
Nine. Eight. Seven. Six.
Five. Four. Three.
Two. One.
Happy New Year!
- Whoo!
- Happy New Year!
Yeah!
Whoo!
Happy New Year.
♪ ♪
I love you, Jerome.
I love you too.
♪ ♪
I got you a gift.
You did?
- Of course.
- Hey.
It's our one-year anniversary.
Hey. Yo.
Thank you.
Wow.
It's beautiful.
It's the state of Oklahoma,
and the heart is Tulsa.
♪ ♪
Where we had our first kiss.
Mm-hmm.
Oh, thank you.
You know,
it's actually perfect,
because I needed a new
key chain anyway.
Well,
it's not for your keys.
It's for our keys.
Our keys?
I'm saying that I'm ready.
Do you wanna move in together?
I...absolutely
do not want to
move in with you.
- What?
- What?
- I'm sorry.
- I don't understand.
- Are you joking?
- No. No. I'm sorry.
Um, um, wait, uh.
You know what?
Something's wrong.
Could you just ask me that
again, please?
Uh, Jerome...
Yes.
Do you want to
move in with me?
Uh, I would love
nothing more than for us
to continue to date while
living in separate residences.
Oh, my God.
Jesus!
I'm sorry.
Um, you know what?
I'm just gonna--I'm gonna
take--listen, nope, nope.
It's not--I'm gonna take
a moment over here.
I'll be right back; just
stay--just stay right here.
I'll be right back.
Do you want to move in with me?
Yes. Paige, yes.
You're the best thing
that's ever happened to me.
Not only that, I want to spend
my whole life with you.
Yes. Yes.
A million times yes.
Okay. All right.
Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi.
Hi.
Paige, I'm so sorry.
Yes, I'm right here for you.
Okay.
Uh, could you just ask me that
one more time, please?
Do you want to
move in with me?
Absolutely not. Oh, my God!
- What? This is insane.
- I know.
And you have been asking me
to move in with you
since the moment
we got together.
I know. I know.
I don't know what's happening.
I don't know what's wrong
with me.
I'm so sorry. I don't know.
Wait, wait, wait, Paige, wait.
- Stop it.
♪ ♪
No, I just--I can't be
around you right now.
♪ ♪
(ethereal hip-hop music)
♪ ♪
♪ I'm that new sh*t ♪
♪ f*ck with this new sh*t ♪
♪ Up in the club acting
like a brand new bitch ♪
♪ Cash money spliffs ♪
♪ Smoking dead presidents ♪
♪ I'm about to b*at
the p*ssy up like a ♪
(vocalizing)
♪ Let's make a movie,
show me ♪
♪ I wanna film you ♪
♪ It's preparation
for the sh*t ♪
♪ We gon' get into ♪
♪ Tell your friends
you got a ride ♪
♪ You know I got you ♪
♪ Wet like the ocean ♪
♪ With that motion
when I come through ♪
♪ 'Cause I just wanted
to mention ♪
♪ Ooh, baby,
I'm gonna make you sweat ♪
Yes!
01x07 - LOL (Living Out Loud)
American live-action/adult animated anthology television series features an assortment of short-form comedy.