01x11 - We Continue to Truck

[bunniefuu]

- Hey.
- Hey.

The school called the house.
They're trying to reach you.

Funny how you go to school there

and yet they can't seem to find you.

I'm on the school grounds.

I'm just places where
they can't find me.

What does that mean? Are you tunneling?

- Are you in the trees?
- [SODA CAN POPS]

No. I go places to read.

Fine. The school has a b*mb shelter.

I figured I'd have the place to myself

unless somebody in Washington
makes a really big mistake.

All right, stop doing that.

And the office said
they need a Word document

of your article so they can
print it in the school paper.

My article's going in the paper?

You had good news, and
you were screwing with me?

Well, I don't play tennis or anything,

so I have to have some fun.

Can you at least tell
me what it's called?

Yeah. It's an article called

"My Mom Has No Life of Her Own,

So She's Desperately Trying
to Live Through Mine."

Oh, my God. It's the
Ghost of Children Past.

Wow. What's with the massive
amount of baby supplies?

It's for Becky.

We were at the mall, grabbing some tools

before they close the Sears,

and there's a baby store
folding up right next door.

You know, it used to be a Brookstone

that used to be a RadioShack
that used to be a Spencer Gifts.

The people in the baby store,

they thought we were a couple.

Sometimes, the younger man
needs the older man's wisdom.

Wait. You and Emilio went
shopping for baby stuff?

We almost grabbed you a stroller, too,

but we thought you'd
like to pick that out.

But we did get you a breast pump.

"For all shape and sizes."

So a stroller is too personal,

but the breast pump, you
figured, "What the hell?"

If you'd like to buy
something different,

I can take it back tomorrow.

Thank you.

You want to hear
something incredibly sad?

Who doesn't?

Ben asked me and the kids

to live with him in
Chicago, but I can't go.

Why not?

Well, I promised you I'd stay here

to be here for you and the baby, so...

Oh, yeah. Right. Good.

Uh, and it's such a great opportunity.

I mean, I can work
at a big-city tabloid,

and the kids can be in
the city that they love.

It's really a shame, but oh, well.

I'm giving you an
opportunity to be gracious

while I'm trying to
renege on my promise.

I could use a little help here.

Of course you should
go, you little whiner.

[LAUGHS]

But you still have to keep your promise.

If I go into rehab,

I'm FedExing the baby to you in Chicago.

Okay, just don't make it
where I have to sign for it,

'cause sometimes I'm not there.

[LAUGHS]

"The Conners" is recorded

in front of a live studio audience.

- Hey, Jackie. I'm home.
- JACKIE: Hey!

Oh, you are really missing some fun

at the Renaissance Winter Fair.

Today, we recreated the
stacking of the bodies

that were found under
the Great Snow of .

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. You finally did it.

I know she was horrible to you, but...

but she was your mother.

Now, we're gonna have to say
that this was an accident.

What?

These are drapes.

You thought this was Bev?

[LAUGHING] No. No. Oh.

She's at the dog races in Dubuque.

Oh, my God. No. [LAUGHS]

It would've been cool, though, huh?

[CHUCKLES] Yeah.

Well, I... I... I've only
known her a short while,

- but yes. Yes.
- That's why I love you. Mwah!

Well, since you love me, may I throw

some of my outfits from
the fair into the laundry?

Oh, sure.

[CLEARS THROAT]

What's this? Oh.

Oh, that's a th century
ladies' undergarment.

Those pouches are called "breastbags."

Ah.

Well, the history's fascinating,

but whose breasts fill up the bags?

I don't know.

There is a communal
changing tent at the fair.

I... I must have
grabbed the wrong things.

Yeah, that's what I'm worried about.

Are you suggesting that
I'm cheating on you?

You're... you're being ridiculous.

I'm only asking for the truth.

I gave you the truth,

but if you keep accusing me
of being unfaithful to you,

I'm gonna go ahead and do it.

I... I might as well, if I'm
gonna get blamed for it anyway.

All right, sorry.

Just give whosever
breastbags these are back,

- and I won't mention it again.
- Okay.

Okay, I... I'll put them
in the lost and found.

Yesterday, somebody misplaced
a small bag of dove's droppings,

- which were used to lighten one's hair.
- Oh.

And somebody else was looking
for their homemade toothpaste.

It was an unfortunate coincidence.

Mm.

♪

- Snowblower broken again?
- Yep.

These sudden winter storms

catch all kinds of things by surprise.

So, basically, it's been
a frozen gopher sh**t.

Poof!

Waah!

[CHUCKLES] Good fun.

Uh, well...

I got something to tell you.

[INHALES DEEPLY] Yes?

Ben asked me and the
kids to move to Chicago.

He got an offer to relocate
the paper to a bigger market.

Wow. Big step.

What'd you say?

Well, I didn't say anything yet.

I wanted to talk to you first.

Well, you have my blessing.

I personally think Lanford's on
the cusp of a renaissance, but...

... if you want to go, it's your call.

Mm. You sure you're okay with it?

Yeah.

I enjoy my privacy, and
you're only an hour away.

All right, pop quiz.

You forget to take your
blood-pressure meds in the morning.

What do you do?

I grab me a handful
of whatever's closest

and wash it down with a beer.

But no pork rinds. Too much salt, right?

All right, you pass. I'm out of here.

Good.

I'm gonna need a break anyway

before Becky moves in with the baby.

You know that's coming.

♪

[DOOR CLOSES]

I got to rest a minute.

This kid is only the
size of a blueberry.

Why am I so tired?

Here.

You probably need some water.

Thanks.

[EXHALES DEEPLY]

This will be a good park
to bring our baby to.

It is like the one
where my papa taught me

how to play soccer in Chihuahua.

Aunt Jackie has done an amazing
job improving your English,

but a Chihuahua is a dog.

Chihuahua is where I grew up in Mexico.

We'll agree to disagree.

I think it is time for you
to have something to eat.

Aww. That's so thoughtful.

It's, uh, tuna casserole
with potato chips on top.

That's my favorite.

Yes. Your papa told me.

He say it is part of
your white heritage.

[SIGHS]

This is delicious.

Mm.

Listen.

I'm sorry it took me so
long to give you a chance.

You're a good guy, Emilio.

And I'm a good person, too. I just...

never imagined my life
would be like this...

sitting and eating in the park
with the father of my child,

who I barely know.

That is funny,

because this is what I
dreamed my life would be like...

sitting in a park,

getting to know a strong
and beautiful woman like you

who's about to have my baby.

That is so sweet.

It is the truth.

Hey.

Is that my laundry on the
floor out in the hallway?

Yeah. I threw it there.

- Have you been drinking?
- Uh, I'll ask the questions.

Explain this.

[PAPER RUSTLING]

This is my phone bill.
Why do you have it?

Uh, because if you're
gonna cheat on somebody,

you should be smart enough to
pay your own damn phone bill

so you're the only person
that has access to it,

because the number that comes up
most on that bill is Breastbags.

[SIGHS]

Breastbags has a PhD

in th century music and costuming.

I call her frequently to be
sure I'm dressed correctly

and humming the right madrigal.

Really?

Because when I talked to her,

I asked her about the
shirt, and she said,

"Oh, my boyfriend must have
accidentally grabbed it."

You son of a bitch.

Oh, Jackie.

Oh, Jackie, this is unnecessary.

It doesn't mean anything.

It doesn't mean anything?

Yes. Yes, I'm with you and not her.

A... a stupid affair doesn't
mean I love you any less.

Don't throw what we have away

by being so narrow-minded
and provincial.

Don't play your mind games with me.

This isn't my fault.

Isn't it, Jackie?

Don't let your insecurity
drive away another man.

[INHALES DEEPLY] Oh, my God.

Dan told me you were
taking advantage of me,

and I didn't listen 'cause I was weak.

- You're not weak.
- Uh, yo... well, not anymore I'm not.

Oh, ow! Ow! Ow!

- Th... that hurt. That hurt!
- Good!

Well, then that means
I'm doing it right.

Oh, this is beneath you, Jackie.

Beneath me. You're beneath me.

- I trusted you!
- I'm...

- That really hurt.
- Get the hell out!

God.

Aah!

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

[EXHALES SHARPLY]

Okay, so, nothing is
written in stone yet,

but Ben asked us to move
in with him in Chicago.

What? That's crazy!

Oh, my God!

I love you!

I'm gonna go pack now.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait.
I didn't even say yes yet.

Here. Use my phone.

Oh, you're letting
me look at your phone?

I don't like the way you said that.

But if we go back to Chicago,
how are we gonna see our dad?

Oh, well, we'll come visit,
and he can come there.

What about Grandpa?

He can come see us, too,

and he'll still have
Aunt Jackie and Becky.

Plus, we're leaving the chickens
here to keep him company,

which amuses me to no end.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Did you call a moving company already?

- Hey. [CHUCKLES]
- Hi.

You surprising the kids?

Probably, but I'm gonna
surprise you first.

I broke up with Blue.

What?

Why?

She wanted kids, and
I just couldn't do it.

Yeah, well, that's a
good call on your part.

Little Moonshine and Epiphany
would have respiratory problems

from all that sage.

She wanted the whole works...

um, marriage, everything.

When you and I did it, I
knew that I wanted it, but...

she's not you.

Don't... don't do this.

You know I'm in a relationship.

I was in one just half an hour ago.

There's a couple of things you can say

to end it right away.

One is "flaky." That'll get a
toaster in the air real quick.

D... David, do you think
you can just come in here

and I'm gonna drop
everything?! Are you high?

A little.

Yes, I'm hoping you will.

Okay, come on. [STAMMERS]

I did everything I
said I was going to do.

I got a steady job. I'm
in my kids' lives now.

There's no reason...

no reason we should not be together.

[CHUCKLES] I... I can think of one.

Ben just asked me and the kids
to move to Chicago with him.

Okay, tell him no.

Wow.

Are you really gonna bail on me
to move in with some stranger?

You mean like you did with Blue?

Hey.

You said we were done.

That's the only reason
I moved in with her.

And, by the way,

I have a ridiculous tattoo
now that's kind of your fault.

It's too late, all right?

Now, the kids are gonna be an hour away,

and I'll just make sure

that you can see them
on a regular basis.

No, hey, I love you.

And you said you would love me forever.

You're going to change
your mind about this.

It's way better to do
it now than two months

after you've moved the kids to Chicago.

Grab your coat. Jackie's in trouble.

The kids are in the kitchen.

Show them that you got a tattoo

so they know it's not cool anymore.

[DOOR CLOSES]

Jackie's wasted.

The owner remembered her from
this being the old Lunch Box,

so she's being cool,

but get her out of here,
or I got to take her in.

Thanks, Rog.

I think we got this.

Oh!

[LAUGHS] It's my family!

- You here to eat?
- Sure.

Okay, well,

I got to warn you, we
only serve Chinese food.

- Got it.
- [CLEARS THROAT]

So, uh, you shouldn't be
drinking on the job, right?

No, I should be.

China... other side of the Earth.

It's all opposite.

Okay.

So, what do you recommend?

Oh, not giving your heart away.

Peter was cheating on me.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

No. Don't worry. I took care of it,

'cause I explained to him he
was not treating me very well,

and then I whipped the bejeezus
out of him with a towel.

What?!

[DAN AND JACKIE LAUGH]

Hey, how about sitting
down with us for a minute?

Yes, I can take my break now

because I don't really work here.

I used to, though,

me and my sister.

[VOICE BREAKING] We owned the place.

We called it the Lunch Box.

And it was the last place I was happy.

[NORMAL VOICE] Your
dad... do you know Dan?

Your dad, he was right about Peter,

and I didn't listen.

Okay. I got to get these
people their fortune cookies,

'cause it's Chinese food... you know.

All right.

It's so nice of you to
dine with us tonight.

Let's see what you get.

You get,

"You will find happiness
and [LAUGHING] romance."

[VOICE BREAKING] It's a lie.

It's a lie.

'Cause it's supposed to say
that your sister's gonna die

and that, uh, the guy that
you thought was gonna save you,

he doesn't give a rat's ass about you.

So that's your fortune!

[BOTTLE SHATTERS]

- Okay, time to go. I'll get her purse.
- Yep.

Hey, hey, hey, hey!

This place is boring!

Why don't you get in the car?
I'll take you to a better bar.

No. Trick.

[LAUGHING] Trick! Trick! [SCREAMS]

It's a trick! It's a... [LAUGHS]

[SOBBING]

It's gonna be okay.

Let's leave these folks to their dinner.

Okay.

Oh, brother. You know, it's...

it's not... [INHALES SHARPLY]

It's not the Lunch Box anymore.

[SIGHS, SOBS]

♪

Rough night, huh? How's Jackie?

She's sleeping it off.

Um, you know, you didn't
have to come over here.

Well, you said you wanted
to talk about Chicago.

Obviously anxious to
hear, so... what's up?

Um, I definitely want
to move in with you,

but I just can't leave
my dad alone right now.

He's too vulnerable.

Your dad?

He looks like he could still
be swatting down airplanes

from the top of the
Empire State Building.

I know.

I... it just wouldn't be
fair to move to Chicago

and then a couple months later
realize that I should be here...

you know, for my dad.

So, uh, is this like...

and I don't mean to be morbid, but...

until he dies, or... ?

Could this change?

Oh, no, I mean, it
could definitely change.

I just need time, um, you know,

just to get him used to the idea.

And in the meantime,
I'll... I'll commute.

Yeah.

Yeah, that'll... that'll work.

So, are we still on for tonight?

Yes, of course.

- Oh, my God. Why wouldn't we be?
- Okay, all right.

- Well, then, I'll see you later.
- All right.

- I... I love you.
- And I love you.

[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]

Oh, Aunt Jackie, I
didn't know you were up.

- You must feel like hell.
- [GROANS]

Well, like I've been through hell.

That's for sure.

I've been throwing up kind
of regular this morning.

Was I at some Chinese place last night?

'Cause I've got, like, rice everywhere.

You know, I... I just want to say this.

No matter how horrible
things seem right now,

you just never know what's
gonna happen tomorrow.

So bad things turn to good,
good things turn to great,

great things turn to, uh,
confusing, possibly great,

but also possibly bad.

But if you're lucky,
they could be good things.

I think you went past your point.

Um, I'm okay. Everything's
just coming out.

You know, all the... the...
the toxic mess of my life

that's just been boiling up
ever since your mom passed.

But I just got to work real hard

on why I always look
outside myself for happiness.

[CELLPHONE CHIMES]

[LAUGHING] Oh, my God.

I got a life-coach client in minutes,

and I've got puke in my hair.

And I got no time to take a shower.

- Can I borrow a brush?
- Um...

Hey, Becky, you got
a brush in your purse?

Aunt Jackie needs one.

- Sure.
- Great.

Thanks. I'll get it right back to ya.

Whatcha doing?

Now that I'm getting a
few bucks from Emilio,

I'm replacing all the stuff I took.

Uh, okay, you took Oreos.

Choco-Sandwich Discs are not the same.

- Becky, has Emilio called you?
- No.

I got a message from a
number I don't recognize.

Check it.

I heard there was a
big ICE raid downtown,

and they hit the restaurants.

Oh, my... this is ridiculous.

These people are just
trying to have a better life.

[SIGHS] He was here illegally, Darlene.

Oh, so you don't have a
problem with what's happening?

I have a big problem.

I like the guy, my daughter's
about to have his baby,

and he may be getting
dragged out of the country.

You think I want that?

Damn it.

It's Emilio, right?

- [SNIFFLES]
- [CELLPHONE CLICKS]

EMILIO: ... taking me to Texas

and then turning me over
to authorities in Juárez.

I will find a way back
to you and our baby

after a short time in Chihuahua...

the city, not the dog.

[LAUGHS, SNIFFLES]

So, I just came from
the principal's office,

and I've got bad news.

You're all wrong about me!

I'm getting my article published in
the Sunday Chicago Sun-Times!

- That's fantastic!
- Yeah, Harris!

Congratulations!

Now you have to tell us what it's about.

[CHUCKLES] Okay, it's an article

about how terrible life in Lanford is,

that it's a decaying old town
full of losers and burnouts,

and if you live here, it's only

a matter of time until you
become a drunk or a drug addict.

Thank God we're moving to Chicago,

because I have b*rned
some bridges to the ground.

This is my big, "So long,
and screw you, Lanford!"

We have to talk.