03x20 - Two Proposals, a Homecoming and a Bear

[bunniefuu]

Whatcha doin'?

Uh, making a kitty for me and Ben

to save money toward
getting our own place.

And I want to show him
how much it means to me

that he's been so patient.

Cool. How much have you saved so far?

Well, I sold the tickets to Hawaii,

and I was able to hold back
bucks for us.

And with what I've saved
from my paychecks,

that would be...

$ .

bucks? You can't even afford Lanford.

It's hard.

I'm trying to save up
for a place with Ben,

but even with the ticket money,

Dad still needs help with the mortgage.

I'm sure Ben will understand.

It's easy to be patient
when this is the prize.

Look, I know I've pushed it
to the limit with Ben.

Believe me, I saw
how underwhelmed he was

by my declaration of love and devotion

in front of the whole family.

Suddenly, this cookie jar

isn't the slam dunk I thought it was.

DAN: Left, left, left.

Straight, straight, straight.

When you blindfolded me,

- I thought I knew where this was going.
- [Chuckles]

But now that we're outside,

I wish I had worn better underwear.

Oh, m...

Oh, my God. Is that our trailer?

Yep.

While you were sick,

I was fixing it up for us.

Eh, I know it's a little small.

[Scoffs] So?

[Door opens]

You know, some nights
we'll stay in the camper,

and some nights, when I
want to stand up straight,

we'll stay at a hotel.

I think it would be
really fun for the weekends.

Why just the weekends?

I would love to spend
a month with you on the road.

Really?

You're okay spending
that much time with me?

Why wouldn't I?

'Cause you said you needed
your own place as a getaway,

and you were pretty clear

it's me you were getting away from.

Yeah, that...

that was before I had COVID.

Turns out that whole independence thing

doesn't seem quite as important

when you're alone
and scared you're gonna die.

Now I just want to be
with you as much as I can.

Wow.

So compared to death,
I'm looking pretty good, huh?

Mm.

You're looking very good.

Why don't you give me five minutes

to turn the toilet back to a bed?

Oh, you talk all pretty like that

and expect me to wait five minutes?

[Knock on door]

AARON RODGERS ON TV:
...in the Hundred Years' w*r? Jackie.

- JACKIE ON TV: Who is Edith Piaf?
- [Sighs]

- Is she watching it again?
- Yeah.

Jackie, it's not going to change.

You have to stop watching
your episode of "Jeopardy!"

I can't. I'm looking for a clue
about why I blew this so badly.

Maybe I just got rattled

having Aaron Rodgers hosting the show.

I can see why the Bears never sack him.

They're frozen,
staring into those blue eyes.

[Spoon clinks]

You can't just sit here.

Sooner or later,
you have to go back to work.

I can't go back to The Lunch Box.

Everybody's gonna make fun of me.

Oh, nobody cares
that you lost on "Jeopardy!"

That was two days ago.

You have to humiliate yourself
on a daily basis

to hold people's interest.

Oh, really? Mark, show him.

Oh, good Lord.

What kind of monsters do this?

-year-old liberal arts grads

living in their parents' basement...

which I officially retract if
I'm still here in four years.

Wait, what is that one?

The one where it says "Buck Rodgers"

but the "B" is replaced by an asterisk?

It's not "Buck."

It's some Bears fan

that likes that Aunt Jackie
roasted Aaron Rodgers on TV.

Ugh.

, views and , likes.

- Really?
- Yeah.

This is good.

I mean, it's not millions
and millions of views,

like the guy feeding
hot dogs to raccoons,

but for Chicagoans,
this may be a big deal.

You know, if Grandma Bev saw these,

she'd see you're a hero to these people.

If you could get even % of those likes

to come to The Lunch Box...

That kind of success would be like

dropping a house on my mother.

I'm pretty sure she was the
inspiration for that character.

And if it happened,
I'd take her damn shoes, too.

Mark!

Can you make me an Instagram?

Well, since you're saying it that way,

I guess I'm the only logical candidate.

Hey, where's Louise?

She went home.

So, listen, I want to talk to you kids

about something that's on my mind.

[Exhales sharply]

I think I'm gonna ask
Louise to marry me.

Oh, my God.

That's fantastic!

Mazel tov!

You know, Jewish rehab.

Where's this coming from?

Oh, the thought's always been there.

She's funny. She's beautiful.

[Sighs]

She's way out of my league. We just fit.

We all agree she's too good for you.

Why propose now?

She just told me
she nearly d*ed of COVID,

and I almost never got to show her

I wanted to be with her forever.

And I got to thinking,
"What are you waitin' for?"

If you're gonna replace
grandpa's horseshoe,

uh, at least give him a
sugar cube for being a good boy.

[Sputters]

Grandpa said I could give him
a tattoo so I could show my boss

and he'll give me a chair at the shop.

I'm getting "Louise" on my calf.

Well, you better hope
she'll say yes, then.

Louise?

I don't think so.

Why wouldn't she?

I mean, let's be honest.

Louise is a rock-and-roller.

She never got married by choice,
and why would she?

Marriage is an antiquated institution

that strangles love and destroys lives.

Don't listen to Harris.

She's broken. I ruined her.

I say go for it, Dad.

The worst that could happen
is she'll say no.

Just confirming... you still
want "Louise" on your calf?

Yeah, I think I'm still gonna ask her.

But let's just put "Lou" for now.

Dependent on her answer,

we may have to add "Ferrigno" later.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

x - Two Proposals,
a Homecoming and a Bear

What's going on?

You know how Aunt Jackie

was the biggest laughingstock
on the Internet?

That's not nice, Mark.

But, yes, I do.

Well, I'm gonna cash in
some of that stock

to promote The Lunch Box.

Check this out.

[Key taps]

Hi, I'm "Jeopardy!" Jackie.

You might remember me from

my senseless att*ck on Aaron Rodgers!

Edith Piaf. Edith Piaf.
Edith Piaf, Edith Piaf.

And if you like
your cheese on your pizza

and not on your head,

I'm inviting all my fellow Bears fans

to come on down to
The Lunch Box in Lanford.

I'll give you % off
your meal, because I'm crazy!

Also, you gotta try
this week's special...

Rice Edith Pilaf.

Uh-oh! Did I mention I'm crazy?!

[Both laugh]

If this works, Bears fans
are gonna show up,

and me succeeding is gonna
give my mom a heart att*ck...

or something slower,
which is more fun for me.

What if it doesn't work?

Well, then you'll come over to my place

and pick out what
you like from my closet.

She's kidding.

She's not gonna k*ll herself.

- MARY: Mommy's here!
- [Door closes]

- DJ: Oh, my God.
- GEENA: Hey!

Why didn't you tell me you were coming?

- Geena!
- Hey!

Well, I got a few days' leave,
and I'm fully vaccinated,

so I wanted to come home
and surprise my baby.

- This is crazy.
- [Laughs]

For some reason, I felt
the need to be here right now,

and then you showed up.

I have goose bumps.
Do you have goose bumps?

[Laughs]

Not yet, honey, but
I'm sure they're coming.

I can't wait to catch up with y'all.

How's everybody been?

Oh, you know, same old, same old.

Grandpa almost lost
his house to the bank.

He said he was gonna sit
on the porch with a g*n.

Oh, it was just a simple
foreclosure, and we stopped it.

For now.

You know kids.

Well, uh, thank God he has
his drywalling business.

COVID didn't stop construction.

No, it k*lled his drywall business,

and COVID almost k*lled Louise.

Wait, Louise had COVID? Is she okay now?

Yeah, thank God she had
my dad for support.

It's a miracle he didn't get
gored by that forklift.

What?

Oh, yeah. His hearing is sh*t.

He almost got run over.

But he's fine.

Oh, well... that's good.

Um, what's up with you guys?
How's the magazine going?

Uh, we lost that.
Do you want some coffee?

So, what are you doing for work?

Oh, well, here's the good news...

I am now a manager at Wellman Plastics.

And she's doing great.

Except for the crippling panic att*cks.

Panic att*cks? That's awful.

Are you okay?

Oh, yeah. I'm making progress.

Yeah, Becky, you don't know this,

but it got a lot better
when you were in rehab.

You were in rehab.

Is there any other good news
I need to sit down for?

Hmm. Oh, yeah.

Uh, Jackie was on "Jeopardy!,"

and Aaron Rodgers has a
restraining order against her.

Yeah, it's got his signature
on it and everything.

Uh, well, now that we're all
caught up, if you'll excuse me,

I'm going to give my husband
a big kiss hello

after eight months,

and I'd rather not have an audience.

We'll be right back.

How come you didn't tell me
what was going on around here?

I should've known.

Hey, it all sounded normal

until I heard it all put together.

You know what? This family's screwed up.

I'm ready for my kiss.

Okay. Close your eyes.

Afternoon.

Uh, would you mind locking
that door behind you?

Oh, smart.

Staying safe by limiting customers?

No, I get robbed a lot.

I'm Steve.

Welcome to Sheer Brilliance.

How can I make your day sparkle?

We're looking for an engagement ring.

Congratulations.

It's nice bringing the fiancée
and the daughter to pick.

That way, nobody's unhappy.

It's actually the fiancée
and her mother.

They're my daughters, and no offense,

but I would never marry
either one of them.

That hurts, but it's also reassuring.

So, about how much
are you thinking of spending?

Or as we say in the jewelry business,

how much do you love her?

[Chuckles]

Uh, I love her...

I love her more than this,

and a lot less than this.

Yeah, that price range is
over there by the keychains.

I hope Louise says yes.

'Cause when you find someone
who really gets you,

who knows all the damage
and all the baggage

and loves you anyway,

that's the real thing.

I hope I find that someday.

Oh, well, you have the baggage
and the damage part,

so it could happen.

Hey, what do you think of this ring?

That's a man's ring,
but you could pull it off.

No, I mean for Ben.

That's a wedding ring.

I know. [Chuckles]

I'm standing here looking
at all these rings,

and I realize that that's
the next step I have to take.

I want to show him that I'm ready

for the kind of commitment
that he's looking for.

I'm gonna propose to Ben.

Oh, my God.

He will be so happy,

he won't even smell the desperation.

Yeah, he's been asking me forever.

He's gonna go crazy, right?

I'm getting married.

Yeah, you are! Yay!

- Dad?
- Hmm?

How would you feel
about a double wedding?

Nope.

I don't care which one of ya's pregnant.

Nobody's taking my day away from me.

Nobody's pregnant.

It's your barren daughter, Darlene.

She's going to ask Ben to marry her.

I am. Yeah, all the things she said.

Congratulations!

Still not doing it on my big day.

BECKY: So, what's going on with you two?

We got into it last night

about him not telling me what
was happening in the house.

We were really careful to
keep the drama away from Mary.

I know the rehab stuff sounds bad,

but I never drank in front of the kids.

No. Of course.

But I should have been here.

And I feel...

terrible that you had to worry about her

with everything else that was going on.

Hey, don't b*at yourself up.

It's hard to raise a kid
and have a career.

I couldn't do it.

Drove me to drinking.

It's a lot to take on by yourself.

I'm lucky I had DJ to help me.

Well, until he started to
become successful.

Yeah, we were all blindsided by that.

Hey, you haven't seen the pictures

of Mary's first dance at school.

That's right. She told me about that.

Let me see. They did line dances.

The girls danced on one side,

and the boys did gawky
boy stuff on the other side.

This reminds me of when DJ and I
had our first school dance.

We were Mary's age.

Oh, gosh, she's gonna marry
one of these losers.

[Laughs]

She had a thing for T-shirt Tuxedo,

- but that's over now, thank goodness.
- [Chuckles]

The cutest thing was
she asked me to do her makeup.

It was so sweet.

That does sound sweet.

I didn't know about that.

Hey.

There's gonna be a lot more dances.

Yeah, but I'm gonna be in
Afghanistan for those, too.

♪♪

This is crazy. There's a line outside.

It's amazing.

We're gonna triple
the best day we ever had ever,

and thank God you're here.

'Cause Neville can
deliver a baby giraffe,

but he can't carry a sandwich eight feet

without the pickle rolling off.

Hey! Round things roll
off flat surfaces.

It's physics, people.

Man, if this keeps up,
you could come back.

This kind of business
could support both of us.

That would be amazing.

We just have to hope
the novelty doesn't wear off.

It doesn't have to.

You could capitalize on
all this momentum.

There are no Bears bars in Lanford.

This could be the one.

The key word there is "bar."

I can't afford a beer and wine license,

and I'd have to get
big-screen TVs in here

and some sort of décor
that says "fun sports place"

rather than, you know,
"eat and get out."

I'll put up the money to do it all.

Then I could quit the factory,

and then I could bring
Beverly Rose to work with me.

And then I could take
online college classes

during my breaks.

Holy crap.

You know, at rehab, they said,
"Let go and let God."

and all I had to do

was let you make a fool
of yourself on "Jeopardy!"

Neville...

Why are you doing this?

Because I believe in you.

I mean, look what you did here.

You got your ass handed to you,
and you came back strong.

No one's ever wanted to invest in me.

Well, you deserve it.

And besides, I've come to
hate your mother so much

that I really want to stick it to her.

[Chuckles]

[Voice breaking] No one's ever
hated my mom with me before.

Oh.

[Bell chimes]

- Oh, hey.
- Hey.

I wasn't expecting company,
but if you want a marshmallow,

I can go get another screwdriver.

No thanks.

I just had a sandwich off a wrench.

What do you got there?

Well, I, uh...

I know you want us to move in together,

and I want that, too.

So...

- I bought us a house.
- [Chuckles]

Aww.

Well, that's sweet.

Well, it's big enough
for you to live in,

but where am I gonna stay?

That's actually just where
I'm putting the money.

I'm saving to get us a place
that's at least twice that size.

Reach in and see how much I've saved.

[Sighs]

Is this what I think it is?

It's a ring box,
but what do you think it is?

[Sighs]

You are an amazing man.

And I am incredibly grateful
for what we have.

I want to spend the rest of
my life with you.

Now, I know that finding
a way to be together

hasn't always been easy,

but being apart has been impossible.

I love you.

Ben Olinsky, will you marry me?

I'm sorry, but no.

♪♪

What do you mean, "no?"

I-If this is a joke, you better
get to the funny part fast.

[Clears throat]

It isn't a joke.

I-I don't understand.

I thought this is what you wanted.

Yeah, I did.

But while you've been off going
through your midlife crisis,

I've been sleeping in
the back of a hardware store

thinking about why
I have been excusing you

for making everything
more important than me.

Because you love me.

And I'm... I'm an adorable idiot, right?

Come on. Don't give up on me

now that I've finally
realized what I have.

I mean, I just asked you to marry me.

I know. [Sighs]

But I don't trust it.

You tell me that you want to be with me,

but then you always choose

someone or something else over me,

like your ex-husband

or your dad's mortgage

or needing to go to Hawaii.

I don't want to set myself up for that.

Wait, are you breaking up with me?

If you push me right now for an answer,

but I would rather take
some time apart to think.

God.

You must be so angry with me.

Mostly, I'm just tired.

And sad.

Well, if that's what I do
to you, then I should go.

Hey, everybody, we got
something big to tell you.

What's up?

I'm moving back home
with my mom and dad!

I've decided to not
go back to Afghanistan.

- You're kidding! That's fantastic!
- That's awesome!

Hey, if you're deserting,

you might want to move off-base.

That's the first place they'll look.

I'm not deserting. I'm retiring.

- Oh!
- Yay!

Yeah, I've accomplished

everything I wanted
to accomplish in the service.

It's time.

Yeah, but don't worry,
we're gonna be over plenty.

While you guys work out
all your problems,

we're gonna make new memories
as a happy family.

[Door opens, closes]

I'm really happy for Mary.

She needed this.

Hold on a second.

I've got news, too.

Um, The Lunch Box is doing great,

and I don't want to leave you
short-handed at the factory,

- but...
- You're fired.

You can scam some unemployment
from Wellman.

You are the best sister ever!

I'm going to give you
the biggest wedding present

you can imagine!

Thanks.

[Sighs]

Sorry.

Dropped a dish.

Well, I did it.

[Door closes]

I proposed to Louise.

Oh, my God. How could she say no?

Oh.

Uh, don't feel bad, Dad.

Ben said he doesn't
want to marry me, either.

We're getting married! [Laughs]

Oh, look at your faces.

Your dad really got you.

Oh, it's okay.

Congratulations, Louise.

I'm really happy for you guys.

What did I miss?

Ben said no.

Oh.

- You want me to leave?
- No. No.

What happened?

This is crazy.

He's been begging you to
commit for like two years.

I waited too long.

You know, I [Scoffs] put him
through too much.

- I blew it.
- So, that's it? It's over?

He said he needs time to think
about what he wants.

Ben's making a huge mistake,
but he's not a stupid man.

He'll be back.

Hey, I-I'm all right, Dad.

You should go celebrate with Louise.

She's got a $ ring on her finger.

She ain't going nowhere.

I don't understand why we're doing

a bunch of "Just Married"
stuff to the trailer

before we even know when
they're getting married.

'Cause they're taking a trip tomorrow,

and they're probably gonna elope.

They're young, they're in love,

and they don't care
what their parents think

'cause their parents are dead.

Grab the stencils and spray cans,

and let's do this.

Whoo.

[Door opens]

You saw the trailer was rocking!

Why would you open the door?!

I don't know.

I thought maybe one of them
fell down and couldn't get up.

Well, obviously, it was Louise.

She couldn't get up with...

with Dan on top of her.

Ohh!