This is a family business.
the next logical leaders
would be Amber and myself.
Jesse and I are teaming
up on a new business venture.
Bam!
Me and VJ are also
strongly betrothed.
Not a real family;
no kids.
Slam, I like that one!
A reporter
is in our backyard.
You don't know
who you're messin' with.
I'm on the way up,
and you on the way down.
Let's go save
our family.
Your pal says he takes a magic
pill that gives him
an extra two inches off the tee,
and buddy,
that's more suspect
than my hairline.
Turns out she said "celibate"
and not "selling it",
so you lost a couple teeth but
you got to keep your 20 bucks.
You put that magic pill in with
your pal's vitamins
and that isn't even the first
time he was rock hard
at the Santa Claus Parade.
Folks on the news can't keep
telling me how bad gaslighting
is without showing me at least
one blue angel,
like, I'll
be the judge there.
You know two things
for damn sure,
and that's life is a highway
and Twitter is a cult.
You and your sweetie aren't
Facebook official anymore,
because she says she wants a man
who will spoil her.
Must've forgotten that hotel
room in Niagara Falls
with a f*cking heart-shaped
hot tub in it.
Your steak came out just a wee
bit too well done,
had you shaking the entire
f*cking four-top
trying to cut through
the cocksucker.
Your gal decided to get her
first IUD
after you got
your third DUI.
Your pal got a piece of gum
stuck between his butt cheeks
one time, and
isn't that curious?
They say that sex sells,
but it must be sold out
'cause I can't find
a lick of it on Kijiji.
You stopped going to church,
'cause like,
well it's just a wee bit too hot
in there, but...
you can pray for a new Shania
Twain album from home.
You got a pal that likes to air
his dirty laundry,
and there's no telling how many
people heard him say
he's got the clap, but they
didn't need to shut down
the water park
the whole f*cking day.
You heard people saying
the Dos Equis guy
is supposed to be the most
interesting man on Earth,
but most interesting woman for
sure goes
to the Asian Zamboni driver who
just b*at you at horseshoes
and loves Insane Clown Posse.
Bret the Hitman Hart is a
Canadian icon,
so you had to put your little
cousint' in a sharp sh**t
for calling him
"Bret the Hitman Fart".
There's a new dentist in town
that does teeth whitening,
so now you've got the awkward
task of telling
one or two pals their teeth
are yellow as duck feet.
Your one buddy who ruins the
bathroom at every house party
he's at is the same buddy that
looks down on you
for pissing outside.
You had your first prostate exam
the other day,
which is no picnic, but even
that's better
than being asked
if you're "pissy".
Your friend Sean Amsing still
ain't getting the glory
he deserves for calling
his Halloween party
Premature Ejacu-lantern.
Gals who tuck their phones into
their bras on the dance floor
cannot be knocked out.
But gals who take their shoes
off on the dance floor
will try.
Previously on
Letterkenny...
Connor. Darien.
Quick the banner.
2cock Chakur?
They just call
us 2cock.
- Tassie.
- Cassie.
- I'm Tassie.
- I'm Cassie.
I'm sick of
these dudes already.
It's like
the shotguns are cocks.
- Let's go then.
- Let's do this.
"NDN NRG"?
Your logo looks just Bit & Bites
like the BROdude logo.
No.
Tastes the same too.
Did you come to sue
the mukluks off me?
Your rez's rules state
that in order to play
for the Native team,
you must be Native.
Reilly, Jones and Shore,
the DNA submitted for all three
of them was the same.
The directions said to spit
in a cup and send it in.
So we spit in the cup
like the directions said.
- Who sent it in?
- Shoresy!
f*cking Pokémons,
gotta catch 'em all,
you piece of sh*t.
I must revoke the Kerry County
Eagles championship status.
No!
That cup belonged to
the Three River Lakers.
f*cking Three Rivers.
- Katy, I have a new boyfriend.
- Oh?
I wanted you
to hear it from me.
'Kay.
So, like, what would you say
is the best donny
you've ever had, boys?
- Like the best Donnie Wahlberg.
- Like, the best Donny Osmond.
Like the best brook
you've ever donnied.
Like the best Jungle Brook.
When Dierks came back
to Letterkenny.
- Boughts and paids fors.
- Heard about that.
You are the king of sucker.
That's high praise coming
from you, bud.
Thinks we all gots in
a suckers on that ones.
Oh, I got in a good sucker.
But you are
the king of sucker.
f*cking him or me.
I'd sucker you in your sleep,
boys.
Eat, sleep, sucker, boys.
But you are the king of sucker.
Put a f*cking shirt on.
- Well, how do you do it?
- Same way you do it.
Well, you do it more
than I do it.
Wanna just f*ckin' whip our
dicks out here or...
You never sucker a guy in
a one-on-one.
That's dishonourable.
Well, unless he previously
suckered me first, eh,
you f*ckin'
nut-tugger.
In a one-on-one, you wanna
follow the steps.
What, like square off, scrap.
Well, square off,
scrap, shake hands.
Square off,
scrap, maybe shake hands.
Nah, square off, scrap, shake
hands, maybes haves a beers.
Ideally you're having a beer.
- Yeah that'd be most desirable.
- Y'know, in a perfect world.
There's no perfect world in
a brawl though, boys.
Yeah, hundy p, no rules
in a big donny-b, boys.
No rules ever for the king
of sucker.
You better settle
down over there
or I'm gonna come talk to ya.
Well, even numbers in a brawl
is technically one-on-one.
- f*ck, look at you JB!
- What's next, long division?
f*cking Roman
numerals over here.
He'll be multiplying fractions
in no time.
Hey, what's the co-efficient
of X, ya f*ckin' walnut?
King of suckers.
Look, I'd already suckered
him once.
Yeah, you suckered him a
while back there, good buddy.
So, it's his own fault
he didn't learn
from the first sucker.
- Fools me once.
At a certain point it's his own
responsibility
he got himself suckered again,
isn't it?
Now, if you ever hit me and
I find out about it.
Eat, sleep,
sucker, boys.
What's this about
a sucker?
Story time, Dickskin.
Dickens.
Everybody, out! Go!
You too, get out. Quicker.
What do you think this is,
a parade?
Get out of my bar now!
You too, get out of my bar!
Go right now!
You in the curly hair...
...All of you,
take your hat and go!
Come on, come on, come on!
- Buddy?
- Hey, buddy.
- Think we got a problem, buddy.
- I know, buddy.
Just lost a 'ship.
No, I know, buddy, but I think
we might've--
I think we might've lost Cassie
and Tassie too.
Tassie!
- Cassie!
Yeah, buddy, either we finally
called them
by their right names,
or they're not here.
- Let's fan out.
- Go north-south.
Neutral zone trap?
- Let's get it.
- Let's get it.
- Tassie!
- Cassie!
You sure about this, Auntie?
Yeah...
She looks pretty
shysty, Auntie.
Yeah.
She's pretty sexy though,
Auntie.
Yeah.
Yeah. I'm sure about this.
Eh!
Let's talk.
Pretty f*ckin' cool.
Dierks'd still be a fight
on-sight, eh, good buddy?
No need.
f*ckin' douchebag.
Wants currently outweighs
needs, Miss Katys.
Hi, big cutes.
You got big balls coming
back here.
I got big everything
down there.
Hence the nickname
"Long-d*ck Dierks".
You thinks anyone's
happy to see youse?
Judging by your tone, no.
Which is very concerning,
very concerning,
very complexing.
- Then b*at it.
Rosie, Rosie, Rosie,
you and me, I would not...
oppose ye.
Hey, where's big Dad?
Okay, his friends are
still cross.
Very predictable, very
predictable, very prophesized.
I told them they don't
need to.
Wants is still outweighing
needs, Miss Katys.
I'm not as dumb as you look,
my favourite of the guys,
for your very,
very kind eyes.
Long-d*ck Dierks
comes prepared.
Very prepared, very processed,
very primed.
- You said it wouldn't get ugly.
- He says a lot of things.
- She's right, baby boo.
- Oh, is she?
If you want to date a bad boy,
you can't be upset
when he does bad boy things.
You remember my, uh,
cousint' I'm sure.
Of course, Dierks,
I'm unforgettable.
Appreciate the accompaniment,
Elmo.
- Elmo?
- It's actually Elmo-Adrianus,
two first names, hyphenated.
It's Dutch.
- You look Dutch.
- We're all Dutch.
This is
Aldert-Kristoffel,
and Vas-Bram-Ambroos.
Which is actually three
hyphenated first names.
So, you all have two hyphenated
first names?
Two to three, yeah.
It's pretty common in our
area of Dutch Michigan.
But just one last name.
Last name is common only
hyphenated as well.
- In Dutch Michigan.
- Yes.
To carry on the legacies of
both the "moeder en vader".
- What are your last names?
- We all have the same
last name,
we're cousints'.
- That being?
- Rensburg-van Koeverden.
- Look at you.
- Enough talk.
Let's go, right now. Ain't
doing what we did last time.
And what-- what was that?
- Oh-ho, you know.
- Don't thinks we do.
- Oh, I know you do.
- Is it kick your ass?
- The other thing!
- Eat?
No, no, the thing we did between
those two things
when you were-- eh, f*ck!
- Easy, easy.
- I'm alright.
I'm not getting sucked into
your syrup-eatin' games again.
- Really?
- Really, bro.
Ain't here for that cute
back-and-forth bullshit
you canucks
love so much, eh?
- For real.
- The realist.
- You sure?
- I'm positive, brah.
Sounds like you've made up
your mind.
Oh good, you can hear.
Already kinda
doing it, though.
Believe me,
bro, I'm not.
Do you not realize it's
happenings right nows?
Not in a million years, amigo,
not on my watch.
What would you call what's
currently taking place?
Some bacon-makers about to get
their butts b*at. Yeah!
What's your name again?
Elmo-Adrianus Rensburg-
van Koeverden, bitch!
- Who are you?
- Squirrely Dan.
That's a stupid name.
So you're saying you
don't wanna talk.
- No talk, all action.
- And here we are talkings.
- Uh, no we're not.
- But here we are though.
- Nah. Not happenin', padre.
-.
Hey, I'm the guy who tells you
what's happening right now,
paisano.
- Right, talkin'.
- Uh-uh.
- Then stop talking.
No way, Jose. We're gonna keep--
no, wait, okay, f*ck!
- Lock it up.
- Yammer.
All right, the talkin' ends now
and the fighting begins.
Okay.
Just one more quick sec.
For what?
♪ You better stop, yeah ♪
♪ Dogging me around ♪
♪ If you don't stop,
yeah ♪
♪ I'm gonna put you down ♪
♪ Cause, I can't take it ♪
♪ Much longer ♪
♪ My heart's
getting weak ♪
♪ It's not getting
any stronger ♪
♪ You keep me so upset ♪
♪ My head's
in a whirl ♪
♪ But if you wanna
be my girl ♪
♪ You'd better stop, yeah ♪
♪ Doggin' me around ♪
♪ Cause if you don't stop,
yeah, ♪
♪ I'm gonna put you down ♪
- Dirty sucker.
- That's redundant.
As I recall, the story involved
two suckers from Wayne.
Well, look at you,
can't count to two.
- One, two, f*ck you.
- Well, three, four...
- f*ck you more?
- Put a f*ckin' shirt on.
You ought to take JB's math
class, Tyson.
Hey, how high can you
counts, JBs?
I'm too--
too high to count.
JB, real quick,
five plus five.
We're all these fellas
bigger than you?
'Pert nears.
Just painting a mental picture.
Yeah, 'pert near mostly.
'Pert near no one was bigger
than joint boy, though.
Yeah, 'pert near only a few were
bigger than Tyson too.
Any reservations about b*ating
on someone smaller than you?
Well, if there was, how would
you ever be in a scrap?
Yahtzee.
♪ You better stop, yeah ♪
♪ Dogging me around ♪
♪ If you don't stop,
I ♪
♪ I'm gonna put you down ♪
♪ Yes, put you down ♪
♪ I don't wanna do it,
but I'll have to ♪
♪ Put you down ♪
- King of the suckers.
- King of the suckers.
That still wasn't the biggest
story of the night.
Youse ever get that sorted?
- They smoke-bombed us, buddy.
- Ninja dusted, bro.
- Cassie.
- Tassie.
- I'm Cassie.
- I'm Tassie.
Give your balls a tug.
Shoresy?
You lost a 'ship and you stole
our sweeties?
Your sweeties hopped
into my truck
like a couple of homeless
derelicts jumping a train.
I'm supposed to be honey-dicking
your moms right now,
you f*cking losers.
A broad-ski I used to wheel in
Junior works there now.
She told me your tests came
back white as snow,
so I gave her my DNA.
- So, you spit in our cups?
- No, I f*cked her.
Oh, that DNA.
A Native I'm wheeling spit in
your cups.
But-- Why?
- You gotta get that W, boys.
- But...
The glory of winning will never
equal the pain of losing.
They don't ask how,
they ask how many?
- But... but...
- But... but...
No!
- They do ask how!
- They did ask how.
And they determined that we got
to how by cheating.
And then, they took
away the how many!
Where's your purse? You sound
like a f*cking broad.
- f*ck you, Shoresy.
- f*ck you, Reilly.
Tell your mom to trim her
toenails,
she carves up my thighs when
she gets buckin'.
- f*ck you, Shoresy.
- f*ck you, Jonesy.
Tell your mom to trim her
fingernails,
Reilly's mom's getting
suspi.
- f*ck you, Shoresy.
- f*ck you, Reilly.
Your mom asked me to pull her
hair, and then hit me up
for a hundo when her
extensions came out.
- f*ck you, Shoresy.
- f*ck you, Jonesy.
Your mum asked me to choke her
and seriously,
not even that could
shut her up.
- f*ck you, Shoresy.
- f*ck you, Reilly.
Your mom wanted 11th hour a**l
and lied when I asked
if the chamber was empty. It's
one step forward, two steps
back in this relationship.
I'm f*ckin' sick of it.
- f*ck you, Shoresy.
- f*ck you, Jonesy.
Your mom says she's tense
with anxiety.
Can you talk to her for me?
She's gripping
my wiener way too hard.
- f*ck you, Shoresy.
- f*ck you, Reilly.
I walked in on your mum watchin'
p*rn and she tried to cover
it up worse than she tried to
cover up your old man.
- f*ck you, Shoresy.
- f*ck you, Jonesy.
Your mom wanted to watch p*rn
and went straight for BDSM
with complete disregard for
how triggering that is
for anyone who's been
ball-gagged in their sleep
by Reilly's mom.
f*ck!
-
So, yeah, it's back down
to one 'ship, boys.
One 'ship's better than
no 'ship, buddy.
Yeah, but two 'ships is better
than one 'ship, buddy.
Wait, so...
Oh, f*ck here comes
algorithm face.
Up next,
multi-variable calculus?
Hey, let's hear some algebraic
geometry, you f*ckin' ape.
Up next reciprocities laws.
f*ckin' dynamic systems and
differential equations.
f*ckin' here we go now.
- I'.
I feel like we keep getting
interrupted by you guys,
and I don't really think that
we do that to you,
so, I just want to know, why do
you keep doing it to us?
- Onward.
- Daryl,
to answer your question from
earlier, the answer is yes.
We are currently head-down
and winning a 'ship
in beer league hockey.
Thank you for asking.
You should just call it beer
league though, buddy,
I mean, it's so phoned in,
it's barely hockey.
You're right.
It is bad enough we call
Senior A Level sh*t hockey.
Beer league is beer league,
it's its own gen-re.
- Sorry?
- Gen-re.
- Genre?
- It's its .
- Dickens.
Pink dicks!
- Youse ready?
- Ready when you are, Auntie.
I wasn't talkin' to youse.
Joint Boy, Tyson... time.
Do some push-ups or somethin'.
They're my spokesmodels.
Is that why youse had your
shirts off?
Holy f*ck.
All right, now youse,
is everything good inside?
- Good. Got my NDN NRG girl.
- Let's go then.
- And I've got my BROdude girl.
- Allons-y.
And now, introducing to youse
for the very first time,
the faces
of our collaboration.
♪ Elle jolie,
elle jolie ♪
♪ Elle jolie,
elle jolie, elle jolie ♪
♪ Elle jolie,
elle jolie ♪
♪ Elle jolie,
elle jolie, elle jolie ♪
♪ Elle jolie,
elle jolie ♪
♪ Elle jolie,
elle jolie, elle jolie... ♪
BROdude and NDN NRG present...
- Let's go, dude.
- Let's BRO then.
Just for today, Tanis.
Yeah, there's a short
shelf-life on this.
- Damn. You two look--
- We know.
- We heard you, and thank you.
- It's appreciated, but--
I can't get in this outfit
twice. Once is plenty.
- I don't know how youse do it.
You get used to it.
And my male models!
- Let's go, dude.
- Our live entertainment.
- 2cock Chakur!
- Just 2cock.
Seriously, just 2cock.
Yeah, we don't wanna get our
pants pulled down here.
- Well...
- But remind us
how this works again?
Last time we checked, you had
just f*cked her real bad.
Guess you could stay I just
started f*ckin' her real good.
Yahtzee.
- Sex, sex, sex...
- Sex, sex, sex, sex.
Eh! We gonna launch this bitch,
or what?
- You ready?
- I'm ready.
- You ready?
- I'm ready!
- Youse ready?
- We're ready.
- Youse ready?
- We're ready...
Hey, beautiful dumb-dumbs,
put on these hats.
- Oh, sick, buddy!
- Sweet, bro.
I love hats. Thank you.
- Thanks.
- All right, let's go dude!
- Let's BRO then.
- It's just for tonight.
- Turn up?
You already know.
We're gonna do it right
this time.
The beer, Wayne.
♪ I been looking for you ♪
♪ I been
looking for you ♪
♪ Haven't you heard? ♪
♪ Oh, I been
looking for you ♪
♪ Haven't you heard? ♪
♪ I been
looking for you ♪
♪ Haven't you heard? ♪
♪ Have you heard
that there's an ad ♪
♪ Listed in the classifieds? ♪
♪ Kind of brief ♪
♪ It only says "I'm lookin'
for the perfect..." ♪
10x01 - King of Suckers
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Comedy series showcases the antics of the residents of Letterkenny, a small rural community in Canada.
Comedy series showcases the antics of the residents of Letterkenny, a small rural community in Canada.